morgana + author:nutkin   1

Revisionist History, by nutkin
Dean and Robo!Sam have a discussion that even includes talking about feelings, and about Sam’s interactions with Ruby (because Robo!Sam finally convinces him that he has Sam’s memories). And then there is sex, which is hot but doesn’t quite turn out the way you’d think. Also, as the author says, "it's also just kind of an ode to how much Dean loves Sam."

{‘ "Well, I did know it was wrong. It wasn't about how much I liked Ruby, or doing the right thing. It was about doing whatever it took to keep you out of that fight." Sam shrugs and turns his hands up. "I would have rather turned into a demonic freak and have you hate me for it than go back to living in a world where you were dead."

He says it like it's nothing, like he's explaining why he ordered mandarin chicken instead of egg rolls for dinner, but for a moment there Dean's brain can't even process what he's hearing.

A lot of things drove them apart in the couple years before Sam took his leap into the pit, but the Ruby thing – that was the real turning point. He used to love Sam openly, freely, making no secret of the fact he pretty much controlled the tides of Dean's life. If Sam was sad, Dean was worried; if Sam was a mad, Dean was going to kick some ass. And if Sam was happy, the whole goddamn world was happy.

He starting putting some distance there when his life became one big countdown to Hell, just so Sam didn't totally go to pieces when he kicked the bucket. But when he came back, everything was different. There were secrets and lies and broken promises, and closing himself off became a matter of self-preservation. Even that didn't save him from the parting shot – whatever embers of his soul were left after four decades in Hell were pretty much stomped out when he realized Sam had it in him to choose anyone – much less a demon – over him.

And apparently he had it wrong the whole time.

"Are you okay?" Sam says eventually.

"No," Dean says honestly. "No, Sam, I am really not okay."

"What's wrong?"

Dean has to laugh.

"You really don't get it, do you? I guess you can't. You just – you freakin' tell me that the thing that's weighed on me for the last two years, the thing that made me spend most of our last year together hating your guts – which I then got to spend another year beating myself up over – was all in my head. That's a lot to process, dude." ‘}
supernatural  sam:robo/dean  wincest  sam:robo  explicit  season:6  length:5001-10000  author:nutkin 
september 2012 by morgana

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