2016-09-07 - Wilford EP
Like many people, Wilford often wishes there were more hours in the day so he could get more work done. When he got his own show, he never intended to just sit around and let the stories come to him. He does have a small team of investigators and reporters on his payroll now, but he's not just sitting idle and letting them do all the work. He's got his own ideas, and his own leads to chase down. But even with the show only airing weekly, he's still been finding himself stretched a bit thin.

In the end, finding Milliways was a boon. He realises that now. He's got those few extra hours a day he needs, and he's taking advantage of every second of it. He's taken over the area by the fire, spreading out pages of notes and photographs and clippings on the table, going through all of it to see if he's missed anything. The only space on the table not covered in paper is taken up by a plate of heavily sauced noodles, which he's been slowly nibbling on absently while he works – somehow managing to avoid getting any on his moustache, even with chopsticks.

If anybody happened to take a look at the papers spread out on the table, they'd find something fit for a horror movie. Photos of bloody scenes in what appears to be a themed children's restaurant, reports of mutilations, and non-sensical interviews with people raving about demonic animatronics. Wilford seems completely unfazed by any of it. It might explain something about him, and possibly where he comes from.
wilford.warfstache  jim.moriarty  vyvyan.bastard  ep 
october 2017
2016-09-01 - Emcee EP
Emcee warily comes downstairs, lingering by the stairwell before making his way to the bar. The collar of his coat is turned up and his head is ducked down slightly to hide the dark bruise on his cheek and his swollen lower lip.

When he quietly asks for a cigarette and a glass of gin-- with ice-- he also receives a pair of folded trousers.

He glares at them for a moment. He then snatches them up, heads to the fireplace, and throws them into the flames.

And then he goes outside to sit on the porch because it's dark and there are less people. Or hopefully no people.

(The Bar withholds a certain envelope until Emcee is ready to go back upstairs.)
bonnie.murdock  eric.northman  ganymede  emcee  wilford.warfstache  ep 
october 2017
2017-10-21 - Wilford EP
It’s early in the morning when the door opens and someone on the other side whistles sharply. Buster trots over to see who it is, wags his tail happily, and disappears through to the other side.

On the other side of the universe, in a house in the Vinewood Hills, there’s a brief power struggle over home-ownership.

Later in the evening, the door opens, and Buster races back into the bar with his ears down and his tail tucked firmly between his legs. Not far behind him is Wilford, in his pyjamas and holding a wooden spoon and a giant wok, looking equally rattled. It takes them both a few seconds to realise where they are, at which point they head straight for the fire to form a new plan of attack. Because the first one went so well.
wilford.warfstache  baze.malbus  ep  oom 
october 2017
SCP-004 - SCP Foundation
Description: SCP-004 consists of an old wooden barn door (SCP-004-1) and a set of twelve rusted steel keys (SCP-004-2 through SCP-004-13). The door itself is the entrance to an abandoned factory in [DATA EXPUNGED].
october 2017
SCP-860 - SCP Foundation
As soon as any person enters SCP-860-1, the door automatically closes. From inside SCP-860-1, the door appears attached to an infinite concrete wall, and is locked. No attempts to break the door from outside, with personnel inside SCP-860-1, have been successful. Attempts to break the door from inside SCP-860-1 have resulted in [REDACTED]. See Document 860-III for more details.
october 2017
SCP-1906 - SCP Foundation
Description: SCP-1906 is a room which manifests within a library somewhere in the world,1 where it anomalously integrates itself into the library's architecture to function as an auxiliary reading room. As well, SCP-1906 is anomalously linked to a domestic dog (Canis lupus familiaris, henceforth SCP-1906-1), such that the environment outside SCP-1906's windows is not the environment outside the library into which SCP-1906 integrates itself, but rather the environment in which SCP-1906-1 can be found. No relationship between the location of SCP-1906 and the identity of SCP-1906-1 has yet been determined.
october 2017
SCP-249 - SCP Foundation
Description: SCP-249 appears to be a windowless door, covered in a faded white paint. It was first found in a house located within the small town of ██████. When opened, SCP-249 does not lead to the other side of the doorway, but to a random door within eight hundred and fifty (850) meters. Items that go through SCP-249 are teleported to that other door, regardless of what may be between the door and SCP-249. When observed from the destination, the exit door appears to open on its own accord, and whatever goes through SCP-249 appears out of thin air. When opened, SCP-249 takes on the appearance of the door it is connected to. When shut, SCP-249 is no longer connected to that door, and reverts to its standard appearance.
october 2017
SCP-1983 - SCP Foundation
Description: SCP-1983-1 is a one-story farmhouse in ███████ County, Wyoming. It was abandoned in 1968 after a series of ritual murders, allegedly performed by a "Satanic" cult. Please see capture logs for SCP-████ for further details.

The front door of SCP-1983-1, when opened, appears to contain a spatial anomaly. Neither matter nor light has been observed to exit the doorway, save for instances of SCP-1983-2 (though the anomaly is exothermic).
october 2017
SCP-087 - SCP Foundation
Description: SCP-087 is an unlit platform staircase. Stairs descend on a 38 degree angle for 13 steps before reaching a semicircular platform of approximately 3 meters in diameter. Descent direction rotates 180 degrees at each platform. The design of SCP-087 limits subjects to a visual range of approximately 1.5 flights. A light source is required for any subjects exploring SCP-087, as there are no lighting fixtures or windows present. Lighting sources brighter than 75 watts have shown to be ineffective, as SCP-087 seems to absorb excess light.
october 2017
2016-08-28 - Wilford EP
Wilford had been warned about Milliways having a sense of humour. So it's not really a surprise when the first door he steps through, after acquiring some highly classified information, takes him right to the bar.

But for once, this is a good thing. For one, he need not rush to get through his stack of required reading. And for two, he's pretty sure he's not going to run into anybody who cares that he has it. He heads straight to the fireplace (just in case, so he can quickly destroy the evidence if he has to) and takes over the sofa so he can read through the stack of extranormal event logs and anomaly reports stolen from the SCP Foundation's archives.

While none of them seem to relate directly to Milliways, there's enough dimension-hopping magical doors and rooms documented to give Wilford a pretty good idea of what he's dealing with. And most are classified Safe or Euclid, which is also promising. Milliways, of course, could be the exception, but somehow Wilford doesn't seem to think so (he's deliberately not thinking about the way all of his saves blip right out of existence as soon as he steps through the door, however). Wilford's theory that this place is meant to be a tool of some sort seems more and more plausible, the farther into his stack of reading he gets. He just has to learn how to use it effectively.

He’s an absolute picture of calm, with a cup of coffee in one hand, and a stack of stolen folders on the table in front of him. He doesn’t look like he’s about to punch anything at all, in fact.
wilford.warfstache  hannibal.lecter  ep 
october 2017
2016-08-25 - Wilford OOM
[oom: Wilford doesn't know what's going on, and it infuriates him. So he does what any good investigative reporter would do.

He investigates.]
wilford.warfstache  oom 
october 2017
2016-08-23 - Wade Wilson EP
Deadpool is sitting at a table in the bar. On this table is a plate containing the remains of a burger, a few empty beer cans, a few full beer cans, and a brand new 64 pack of crayons.

He is currently occupied with a coloring book that is not work safe, nor safe for the eyes of small, easily traumatized children.

Not that we're usually work safe anyway.

"Shhh. I think it's working. I feel calmer already!"

He's also online as weirdwardWiseacre if that's more your style.
ava.wilson  wade.wilson  doctor.dinosaur  edgar.(snowpiercer)  sallie.reynolds  wilford.warfstache  ysalwen.surana  ep 
october 2017
2016-08-23 - Yrael EP
The door opens to a large, noisy room crowded with clusters of people, huddled with stuffed trashbags and sleeping bags and bags of all sorts holding what few worldly possessions they could carry. The room is the event space, fellowship hall, meeting hall, or whatever phrasing they use for the large open room used for whatever it is needed for at the given moment, of a sizeable christian church. Right now, it is serving as a makeshift shelter. The crying of infants punctuate the general noise of conversation. The whole room smells of damp people and things, of sweat and potential mildew, and of easily-prepared food that was cooked in large quantities and kept hot too long.

Yrael comes through the door and into the bar, as filthy and tired of rain as any of the people behind him. The NOLA Pay It Forward t-shirt he wears was white at some point, but now is a mottled grey from the chest-level high-water mark. The sturdy jeans he wears are merely damp now, but are filthy from multiple excursions into muddy waters to collect survivors stranded on rooftops or the tops of vehicles.

It has been a long two weeks. If he were human, Yrael would be exhausted. But he is not, so he is merely tired of being damp and muddy.

If it weren't for the prospect of being covered in yet more water, Yrael would almost want a shower.

He'll settle for a drink and burning the clothes he's wearing.
hannibal.lecter  jim.moriarty  wilford.warfstache  yrael  ep 
october 2017
2016-08-23 - Wilford EP
After being thrown in jail for defending himself, Wilford got the hell out of dodge, determined to never come back.

Since then, the bar has shown up three times. The first two, Wilford managed to nope right out and avoid stepping all the way through the door. This time, with his hands full of scalding hot coffee and an iPad playing a segment for next week's show, Wilford doesn't realise where he is until he hears the door shut in such a way that it sounds very much locked. After some careful shuffling of coffee and expensive electronics, Wilford tries the door to find it is indeed very much locked. He only just manages to restrain himself from kicking it, and glares hatefully at it instead.

This time, he's not going to let himself get caught off-guard, though. He'd gleaned enough information the last time he was here to understand, more or less, what this place is. After a quick stop to the Bar to pick something up, Wilford takes over the sofa by the fire to figure out what the hell he's supposed to do next.

On his way over, he notices a comically-large pink moustache on the mermaid in the trilobite tank, and has a very good idea of who put it there. But he's not going to give the creep the satisfaction of reacting to it.
wilford.warfstache  jim.moriarty  pam.swynford.de.beaufort  ep 
october 2017
2016-08-21 - Vyvyan EP
Some time after getting out of the cells for this, Vyv has spent some time with various pink materials and forms of adhesive.

Which is why you might, tonight, find a little pink moustache on some things around the room. You might, if you look closely, discover a fish block has been carefully attached to the inside of the trilobite tank, and on the outside, a pink moustache at the same level. Inside the tank itself, a model of a mermaid has a pink moustache.

There's even one stuck to the door of the men's toilets. And the women's.

But no sight of the orange-haired culprit, right now.
vyvyan.bastard  ato.touji  ep 
october 2017
2017-09-22 - Baze cell post
Atton sets Baze up in a cell, and quickly scribbles a note at the desk.

Some Guy, in the cells for one day for punching Waluigi Wrigglesworth in the nose, doing no serious injury.

-- Atton.
atton.rand  wilford.warfstache  baze.malbus  chirrut.imwe  bodhi.rook  ibani  mael.radec.(helghasten)  cells 
october 2017
2017-07-17 - Wilford cell post
There's only a brief note by Wilford's cell.

Warfstache. One night for accidentally shooting Guppy. (Non-lethal, probably just a scratch. The doc's a big girl's blouse.) Also for letting a potentially killer one-eyed monster loose upstairs. Not against the rules, but still a pain in the arse.

wilford.warfstache  gene.hunt  cells 
october 2017
2017-04-18 - Jim cell post
Thor leaves Jim in a cell (doing... whatever he does to entertain himself) and a report for the rest of Security, plus a copy in Jim's already sizeable file:

Jim Moriarty, two days' imprisonment for breaking the no-violence rule knowingly and without mitigating circumstances offered. He attempted to deliver a blow of a club to a dog in the main room of Milliways. By my hand and judgment, Thor Odinson.

He also drops Jim's note to Sherlock off with Bar. At the same time, he leaves a note of his own for X.
thor  wilford.warfstache  jim.moriarty  tess.mercer  michalangelo  x-23  sherlock.holmes  father.harman  cells 
october 2017
2017-03-13 - Wilford and YT cell post
Gene is happy to wash his hands of these two. Not least because he has to go and get a new pair of trousers, now the ones he's wearing have got a dog-bite shaped hole in them.

One night for the girl, for trying to nick the pink twat's dog, starting the fight and generally being a mouthy cow. Three nights for Pinko, for beating her up, and letting his dog bite me.

cells  yt  wilford.warfstache  autor  alistair.theirin  fry.sandhu 
october 2017
2016-12-04 - Wilford cell post
Gene scrawls the briefest of notes with regard to his earlier arrest, because he can't be bothered to do more.

Pink-moustached Poof is in for using a sniper rifle where people might get hurt, refusing a reasonable request for temporary confiscation and then throwing a punch, like a twat. Someone let him out tomorrow or the day after if I'm not around. - - Gene Hunt.

P.S He seems to think all these elf dolls lying around are incarnations of pure evil, and the bar's under some sort of attack. I think he's been chewing the light fantastic, or whatever it is hippies do, but someone with magic could take a look at them and see what's up. It's probably just Christmas.

That's about as detailed a report as Gene ever writes, but at least it's legible.
cells  gene.hunt  atton.rand  wilford.warfstache  jim.moriarty  enzo.matrix 
october 2017
2016-10-28 - Wilford cell post
After putting Wilford in his cell, Atton writes a quick note.

Wickham Wuffingas, in the cells for eight days for attempting to murder Vyvyan Bastard by shooting him in the head. He knew that Vyvyan would return to life, was unsuccessful, and came to the cells willingly, so I've been lenient.

cells  atton.rand  wilford.warfstache  vyvyan.bastard  jim.moriarty 
october 2017
2016-10-19 - Vyvyan cell post
Atton escorts Vyvyan into one of the cells, instructs Baby to be nice to him (as if she's ever not) and then heads to the office proper to write a report.

Vyvyan Bastard, celled indefinitely for killing Wilford Warfstache. He says it was accidental, the result of Wilford attempting violence against him -- I personally believe him, but I'm not quite willing to risk that he's lying -- and that Wilford will come back to life anyway.

I've informed him that if Wilford should come back to life, Vyvyan will be released -- he'll have served at least a few days by then, I imagine. If he doesn't, then we'll have to investigate the circumstances surrounding his death. Vyvyan did identify one witness, although he didn't think said witness would be especially honest.
cells  vyvyan.bastard  atton.rand 
october 2017
2016-08-18 - Wilford's first EP
Wilford Warfstache steps through the door, and nearly trips over his own feet when he notices that this is not his dressing room. Which is startling, since he hadn't meant to quick travel. He shouldn't have even been able to quick travel, actually. The studio is in an area without quick travel access, and he deleted all his points when he moved to the west coast.

So how in the bloody hell did he wind up here? Wherever "here" even is.

Aside from the look of obvious confusion plastered across his face, Wilford is mostly unassuming in appearance. He's most likely human – Korean, specifically – with his beige shirt, and black hair that was once probably stylishly cut, but has grown out too far and is now just a fluffy mess (but it works for him somehow). He'd be the sort of person who might go completely ignored in a crowd, if not for his pink handlebar moustache.

Yes, that's right. Pink.

Quickly assuming he just managed to find some sort of glitch, and nothing more sinister than that, Wilford starts to look around. He's not come across this place before, and curiosity (both personal and professional) quickly takes over. And it doesn't take him long at all to realise that if this is a glitch that he found, it's a hell of a doozy. Because he's pretty sure that is space outside that window, and definitely not some filthy Vinewood back alley. He takes a few moments to confirm that yep, that's space, before moving on, apparently unfazed. (Okay, maybe a little bit fazed, because this is a damn big glitch if he just got teleported to space!)

The trilobite tank comes the closest to getting another obvious reaction from him, as if wondering why someone would keep those as pets. Then again, who knows with some people? Some people summon demons for fun and collect horrible monsters, so what the hell does Wilford know? He may be new here, but very little of what he sees actually seems like it's too much out of the ordinary. Interesting, perhaps, if only for the "new" factor, but after the initial shock of not being where he's meant to be, it's all fairly tame so far. For one, there don't seem to be any eldritch horrors waiting to scream in his face or snap his neck. So that's nice. And the place seems fairly clean, without any sort of blood or mucus dripping from the walls. He'd probably be a bit more on his toes if this place weren't so well-lit and warm, and lacking in creaks and groans and distant screams.

Actually, this place seems safe enough for a good, old-fashioned explore. Catch him as he wanders the bar and the grounds outside (because apparently space has an outside!...?).
ep  wilford.warfstache  ivan.vorpatril  vyvyan.bastard  sinric  atton.rand 
october 2017

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