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*sigh* okay:

Frontend dev: hard.
Backend dev: hard.
Language design: hard.
Writing docs: hard.
HTML/CSS: hard.
UI…
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18 hours ago
Twitter
I had a very productive morning. Three solid hours of being a cat bed
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yesterday
Twitter
Steps to making a ponytail:

1. Using two hands, gather hair at top of head.

2. Transfer hair to right hand.

3.…
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yesterday
Twitter
tips for beginner cooks: know your ratios!

1/2 cup uncooked rice = 2 cups cooked rice

1 cups uncooked rice = 5 cu…
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2 days ago
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Yesterday I did three flips in a bouncy castle to impress a three year old and now I can’t turn my head without see…
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2 days ago
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Date someone who:

• is highly intelligent
• is willing to try new things
• wants to hang out all night
• can…
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2 days ago
Twitter
This is Midge. She can hear a butterfly burp from half a mile away. Hasn’t stopped smiling since she was rescued la…
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2 days ago
Twitter
🎵 it's the i of the tiger, with a g to the right
Risin' up to the challenge of a vowel
And the last two letters are…
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2 days ago
Twitter
this fucking BEAT. drop the youtube tutorial sis.
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3 days ago
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So now lets you set your "status" and I'm dreading the future where they add the ability to "poke" another…
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11 days ago
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The only reason we act like it’s so strange is because rich people are the only ones who can afford to do it, so th…
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5 weeks ago
Twitter
Without field research, it's difficult to get an accurate picture of user workflows.
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5 weeks ago
Twitter
Have we not learned anything from the snake game? The Presidential motorcade is going to run into itself and then i…
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6 weeks ago
Twitter
ARYA: Always Repeat Yourself Always
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10 weeks ago
Twitter
Amazing the lengths programmers will go to avoid repeating themselves even once. Or to avoid even the *possibility*…
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10 weeks ago
Twitter
Inanimate Objects Plotting Against Us
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october 2018
Twitter
Does anyone have a scientific explanation for why certain foods are more satisfying when you eat them faster or in…
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october 2018
Twitter
This 6.5 MB Bloomberg article injects targeted code into your browser and pings back to a suite of mystery servers…
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october 2018
Twitter
me: damn i just dropped my pick in my guitar

guitar pick:
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september 2018
Twitter
This is the worst party I’ve ever been to
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september 2018
Twitter
Plato’s Allegory of the Cave.
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september 2018
Twitter
This is so unbelievably good. Important for anyone who has ever engaged in a "debate" on social media. Well done…
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september 2018
Twitter
Who’s ready for the New Detective Douche??? I’m right on your heels
luciferonnetflix  lucifer  from twitter_favs
september 2018
Twitter
Instead of comparing people to other people, how about we compare them to abstract concepts? "You know who you remi…
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september 2018
Twitter
"Just think for a moment as Deirdre McCloskey says,... consider that you might be wrong. Just stop & say like, 'Wel…
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september 2018
Twitter
it's so weird at weddings when they talk about the symbolism of rings, like how they have no beginning and no end,…
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september 2018
Twitter
After a Rain, Arkhip Kuindzhi
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september 2018
Twitter
“What’s that? Your device was locked when you tried to build? YOU’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO BUILD AGAIN THEN! MUHAHAHAHA!…
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september 2018
Twitter
Festive annual commemoration of your emancipation from the womb.
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september 2018
Twitter
Remember everyone, only a couple weeks left to break up with your significant other before you’re the dick that rui…
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september 2018
Twitter
Today in confusing git UI, if you `git checkout -p filename.ext` it will allow you to choose which portions of a fi…
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september 2018
Twitter
{First day as an NFL commentator}
ME: Well John—
COMMENTATOR: It’s Steve.
ME: Haha, classic Jerry. Anyway, it’s com…
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september 2018
Twitter
Me at 19, falling asleep and realizing it's 8:20pm: Oh my god what the fuck is wrong with me!
Me at 39, falling asl…
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september 2018
Twitter
dance like nobody’s watching

love like you’ll never get hurt

respect women in the workplace like you’ll never ha…
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september 2018
Twitter
Fun fact: Ever wondered why it's called The Iliad? Because Ilium was another name for Troy, and the -ad suffix was…
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september 2018
Twitter
This is Hope, a 13-week-old bat.
She certainly loves her banana - just look at the amount she packs in! ☺️

Recuper…
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september 2018
Twitter
Dick Grayson: my parents died :(

Bruce Wayne: I'll adopt you and teach you how to fight dangerous criminals

Dick:…
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september 2018
Twitter
Most of me condensed from a quark-gluon soup moments after the Big Bang.

To be fair, some other bits formed rathe…
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september 2018
Twitter
I learned a lot about archaeology from the Indiana Jones movies. Like you can straight up murder somebody if someth…
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september 2018
Twitter
Me: *Explaining to the boyfriend what a Fullstack engineer is*

Him: Ohhh. So then there's a frontstack engineer an…
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september 2018
Twitter
“Carousels. I’m convinced they were invented so every stakeholder could have their bad idea at the top of the page.…
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september 2018
Twitter
The weirdest moment in TNG-era Trek was when Picard was able to bring up the score to HMS Pinafore by pushing *two…
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september 2018
Twitter
A dagger, a poison ring, a Green Tea Frappuccino, an tank top, and a DVD of Labyrinth.
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september 2018
Twitter
Just read a job listing that said "Enjoy traveling to assigned locations in the comfort of your own vehicle!" which…
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september 2018
Twitter
WIFE: Why are all the cabinets open?

ME: *Remembering I opened them so I could pretend I was on The Price is Right…
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september 2018
Twitter
There are only 3 difficult problems in computer science:

1. Cache invalidation
2. Naming
3. Off by one errors
4. F…
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september 2018
Twitter
fuckin marvel tried to give the wakandans british accents but chadwick boseman was so against it he personally foug…
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september 2018
Twitter
When you get to level 30 in real life you unlock the ability to injure your back while sleeping. I don’t like where…
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september 2018
Twitter
I would never vaccinate my kids. That is unnatural, dangerous, pointless, expensive, reckless, and harmful. I take…
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august 2018
Paper… for writers
Paper editor has added Preview in Marked support :D (h/t 👍🏼)
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august 2018
Twitter
Unpopular opinion:

You don't really need to preface your opinion with "unpopular opinion." You are more than wel…
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august 2018
Twitter
I'm here to murder you. Bazinga!
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august 2018
Twitter
has captured the spirit of my late boy Wheatley perfectly! I love it to pieces aaaaaaaaa
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august 2018
Twitter
so today my mom literally beat candy crush. she completed over FOUR THOUSAND levels in less than a year and so she…
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august 2018
Twitter
the folks touched on this on an episode a while back

(and if you don't f…
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august 2018
A Way with Words | Fever Blister vs. Cold Sore
the folks touched on this on an episode a while back

(and if you don't f…
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august 2018
Twitter
How about if, instead of ditching Twitter for Mastodon, we all start blogging and subscribing to each other's Atom…
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august 2018
Twitter
How you folded that fitted sheet.
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august 2018
Twitter
I thought allocating 1 million objects in 21 milliseconds could be done faster. Then I realised this is 21 nanoseco…
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august 2018
Twitter
10 factorial (10!) seconds is exactly 6 weeks
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august 2018
Twitter
My wife has taken the best photo ever of me.
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august 2018
Twitter
{Creation of octopuses}
GOD (who had a bad day): Give it too many legs.
ANGEL: What?
GOD: Like, very obviously too…
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august 2018
Twitter
Never make fun of somebody for mispronouncing a word, it probably means they read it in a book.
And we have audiobo…
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august 2018
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