juliusbeezer + funny   329

The Real Solution to Cycling's "White Bro" Problem | Outside Online
Making sweeping pronouncements about the demographics of New York City cyclists from your rarefied perch on the Upper East Side is like concluding that caviar is America’s most popular condiment because they’re always serving it at your country club. But the rest of us who make our way around the city by bike know Cuozzo’s sweeping generalization about race and bikes doesn’t ring true—nor is it supported by actual data, which shows that black, white, and Latino adults in New York City cycle in similar proportions.
cycling  us  funny 
4 weeks ago by juliusbeezer
Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take the Garbage Out
At last the garbage reached so high
That it finally touched the sky.
And all the neighbors moved away,
And none of her friends would come to play.
And finally Sarah Cynthia Stout said,
"OK, I'll take the garbage out!"
But then, of course, it was too late. . .
The garbage reached across the state,
From New York to the Golden Gate.
And there, in the garbage she did hate,
Poor Sarah met an awful fate,
That I cannot now relate
Because the hour is much too late.
But children, remember Sarah Stout
And always take the garbage out!
poetry  funny  work 
9 weeks ago by juliusbeezer
Interestingly: the sentence adverbs of PubMed Central | What You're Doing Is Rather Desperate
Scientific writing – by which I mean journal articles – is a strange business, full of arcane rules and conventions with origins that no-one remembers but to which everyone adheres.

I’ve always been amused by one particular convention: the sentence adverb. Used with a comma to make a point at the start of a sentence, as in these examples...
It seems that the most popular use of the sentence adverb is to draw a close to the proceedings, with finally. The next most common uses: to indicate further points of interest (additionally), label results as interesting (interestingly) or important (importantly) and show that the authors are up to date with their reading (recently).
data  scholarly  sciencepublishing  funny  writing  corpus 
11 weeks ago by juliusbeezer
Theresa May forced to give MPs single market vote after shock defeat | Politics | The Guardian
A Department for Exiting the European Union spokesperson said: “The referendum was a vote to take control of our borders, laws and money. Ongoing participation in the EEA would mean having to implement new EU legislation automatically and in its entirety without having a say on how it is formulated – and it would also mean continued free movement. We will now consider the implications of this decision.”
politics  uk  Brexit  funny 
may 2018 by juliusbeezer
'Be Best': does Melania Trump's oddly named initiative break the laws of grammar? | Media | The Guardian
“Be Best” just so plainly doesn’t hold up to the laws of English grammar, which require that a superlative adjective following an imperative verb be preceded by the definite article “the”. Be good – be better – be the best: that’s the rule. In the 1990s, the British military ran a TV ad campaign that ended with the slogan: “Army soldier: be the best.” Try it without the the. “Army soldier: be best.” It sounds like you’re translating from the Sanskrit.
english  grammar  language  funny  us  politics 
may 2018 by juliusbeezer
Bike Snob NYC: Freds Like US
Given this, it was only a matter of time until the United States would meet a similar fate. But what would be the final bolt in the faceplate? The Trump administration? The opioid epidemic? A sudden realization among cats that they outnumber us and can overpower us at any time?

Hardly.

No, in the end, the history books will talk of how what was once the greatest democracy the world had ever seen was ultimately brought down by Freds:
cycling  gps  funny 
february 2018 by juliusbeezer
Journal of Universal Rejection
About the Journal

The founding principle of the Journal of Universal Rejection (JofUR) is rejection. Universal rejection. That is to say, all submissions, regardless of quality, will be rejected. Despite that apparent drawback, here are a number of reasons you may choose to submit to the JofUR:

You can send your manuscript here without suffering waves of anxiety regarding the eventual fate of your submission. You know with 100% certainty that it will not be accepted for publication.
There are no page-fees.
You may claim to have submitted to the most prestigious journal (judged by acceptance rate).
The JofUR is one-of-a-kind. Merely submitting work to it may be considered a badge of honor.
You retain complete rights to your work, and are free to resubmit to other journals even before our review process is complete.
Decisions are often (though not always) rendered within hours of submission.
rejecta  funny 
december 2017 by juliusbeezer
How to write English
Remember to never split an infinitive. The passive voice should never be used. Do not put statements in the negative form. Don't use contractions in formal writing, and don't use no double negatives. It is incumbent on one to avoid archaisms. Proofread carefully to see if you words out or incorect speling. It has come to our considered attention that in a large majority of cases, far too many people use a great deal more words than is absolutely necessary when engaged in the practice of writing sentences. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of redundant repetition can be removed and eliminated by rereading and editing.
writing  funny 
october 2017 by juliusbeezer
Language Log » Worthless grammar edicts from Harvard
Harvard econ students, rise up: ignore everything Greg Mankiw says about grammar and throw your copy of The Elements of Style away. I don't mean you should write wordy waffle or violate his style requirements; but I am saying that this nonsense about avoid the passive construction and staying away from adverbs is junk. Check out Greg's own writing if you don't believe me.

I couldn't summon enough interest or time to do more research than download the first paper on his Harvard website (a presidential address called "Spreading the Wealth Around: Reflections Inspired by Joe the Plumber"), and check for passives and adverbs. The first passive clause is in the second half of his title; the second is in the third sentence of the abstract ("how the tax system should be designed); the third paragraph of the main text has the next passive clause ("tax cuts signed into law by President Bush"); I won't go on. His third paragraph has the first adverb ("I fully expect the issue to remain at the center of political debate"), and the fourth paragraph brings a bunch more ("perhaps more important"; "slowly and steadily continue to rise"; "suddenly read Milton Friedman's book")… It is pointless to spend more time on this. Greg Mankiw can't tell how many passives or adverbs he is using. He uses them whenever he thinks they feel right. So should you.
writing  editing  grammar  funny 
october 2017 by juliusbeezer
24 Rules for Writing Short Stories | The Flight of Pigeons from the Palace
15. Aphorism: plot is the engine that drives your short story, character is the oil that knocks the nail in.

16. Remember that certain objects have more symbolic weight in fiction than they do in real life. The list includes fruit, chairs, briefcases, women, snow, helicopters and precocious children. Where possible these objects should be replaced with safer alternatives. For example, fruit can be substituted with vegetables, precocious children with sassy older ladies etc.
writing  funny 
october 2017 by juliusbeezer
Django signals are evil | Graeme’s
I hardly need say that monkey patching is evil (i.e. a last resort), but one of the things I needed to check along the way was that there was no code being triggered by a (Django) signal, and the problems it causes are very similar to monkey patching.
coding  language  funny  webdesign  web  internet 
october 2017 by juliusbeezer
The Digital-Humanities Bust - The Chronicle of Higher Education
A similar shortfall is evident when digital humanists turn to straight literary criticism. "Distant reading," a method of studying novels without reading them, uses computer scanning to search for "units that are much smaller or much larger than the text" (in Franco Moretti’s words) — tropes, at one end, genres or systems, at the other...
Distant readers are not wrong to say that no human being can possibly read the 3,346 novels that Matthew L. Jockers, an associate professor of English at the University of Nebraska at Lincoln, has machines do in Macroanalysis: Digital Methods and Literary History (University of Illinois Press, 2013). But they never really say why they think computers can. Compared with the brute optical scanning of distant reading, human reading is symphonic — a mixture of subliminal speaking, note-taking, savoring, and associating.
reading  digitalhumanities  corpus  humanities  funny 
october 2017 by juliusbeezer
Anatoli Sirota. Neo-Marxism. An Attempt at Reformation. Karl Marx, Engels, evolutionary marxism, historical materialism, precapitalist economic formations.
In January 1889, V.I. Vernadskii wrote to his wife from Munich about the '"great truth'' that "Duerer's powerful mind" had expressed in his painting The Four Apostles. '"The dreamer. ... the profound philosopher seeks ... the truth and gives rise to a less profound pupil as an intermediary," who "cannot understand the full essence," but "is closer to life, . . . explains in concrete terms what the other has said,... distorts him, but that is precisely why the masses will understand him: because he will grasp a small piece of the new and combine it with age-old popular beliefs." Beside them stand two figures with the severe countenances not of thinkers but of politicians...

On the other hand, Marx's revolutionary temperament at times overshadowed the scientist's theoretical thinking. Moreover, the revolutionary character of Marx's views was exaggerated in later arbitrary interpretations that arose from the popularization of his works on Engels's insistence. (Yet another splendid confirmation of the "Duerer-Vernadskii law": the pupil is easier to understand, but only because he distorts his teacher.) In order to change, not merely interpret, the world slogans comprehensible to the masses were required. Marx sometimes set out his thoughts in difficult language, Engels tactfully pointed out in his letters to Marx. He called the tone of some of Marx's works "abstractly dialectical."13 remarking sadly that "now the public, even the scholarly public, is completely unaccustomed to this kind of thinking and it is necessary to do whatever is possible to make things easier for it."16
politics  history  writing  funny  art  criticism  marxism 
october 2017 by juliusbeezer
'We want sauce': police called after McDonald's Rick and Morty promotion heats up | Business | The Guardian
A McDonald’s public relations stunt has ended in chaos and acrimony after the fast food chain promised fans of the TV show Rick and Morty a limited edition, long out of production Szechuan dipping sauce and then swiftly ran out.

Police were called to at least one outlet after people in queues for the sauce began getting angry and chanting “we want sauce”. Ultimately, the fallout from the stunt did not dampen demand for the sauce, with packets currently listed for hundreds of dollars on Ebay.
food  spectacle  attention  television  funny 
october 2017 by juliusbeezer
Outrageous good fortune smiles once again on Theresa May | Andrew Rawnsley | Opinion | The Guardian
For the most exquisitely apposite metaphor for what has happened to her premiership, you couldn’t beat the spectacle of Mrs May gulping water as the stage set fell apart. Yet I contend that she was rather lucky. She was fortunate because everyone focused on the presentational disasters rather than the content of the speech. This was devoid of what her demoralised party required from their leader. She answered the demand for a transformative vision that revived their prospects with a tired idea about the “British Dream”, a tangle of confused arguments and uninspiring, small-bore policy announcements.
politics  uk  attention  spectacle  funny 
october 2017 by juliusbeezer
Why Facebook is in a hole over data mining | John Naughton | Opinion | The Guardian
What is intriguing about the Facebook founder is his astonishing blend of high intelligence, naivety and hubris. In February, when it finally began to dawn on him that the election of Donald Trump might tell us something significant and disturbing about the state of the US society, he wrote a lengthy epistle to his 86 million disciples.

“Today,” it began, “I want to focus on the most important question of all: are we building the world we all want?” Ponder that for a moment: note the imperial, hubristic “we” and the implicit assumption that it is possible to build a single world that everyone wants. It comes straight out of the Ladybird book of democracy. The epistle continues in the same vein. “Progress now requires humanity coming together, not just as cities or nations, but also as a global community.” And of course Facebook would provide just such a community: after all, it already has more than 2 billion users, which is significantly more people than there are in China.
politics  us  facebook  funny 
october 2017 by juliusbeezer
Le blog Droit administratif | Demande d’abrogation de la norme contenue dans la décision du Conseil d’Etat rendue le 13 juillet 2016
« le principe de sécurité juridique, qui implique que ne puissent être remises en cause sans condition de délai des situations consolidées par l’effet du temps, fait obstacle à ce que puisse être contestée indéfiniment une décision administrative individuelle qui a été notifiée à son destinataire, ou dont il est établi, à défaut d’une telle notification, que celui-ci a eu connaissance ; qu’en une telle hypothèse, si le non-respect de l’obligation d’informer l’intéressé sur les voies et les délais de recours, ou l’absence de preuve qu’une telle information a bien été fournie, ne permet pas que lui soient opposés les délais de recours fixés par le code de justice administrative, le destinataire de la décision ne peut exercer de recours juridictionnel au-delà d’un délai raisonnable ; qu’en règle générale et sauf circonstances particulières dont se prévaudrait le requérant, ce délai ne saurait, sous réserve de l’exercice de recours administratifs pour lesquels les textes prévoient des délais particuliers, excéder un an à compter de la date à laquelle une décision expresse lui a été notifiée ou de la date à laquelle il est établi qu’il en a eu connaissance ».

Nous publions ici la demande d’abrogation de cette norme, adressée au Président de la République par le Professeur Frédéric Rolin, qui permet de discuter tant du bien fondé du principe ainsi dégagé que du statut de la jurisprudence.

[when you're banging your head on a brick wall, it might be a good idea to stop. See also bullshit, truthiness, and the unbearable verbosity of academic rebuttal]
france  law  writing  funny  attention 
october 2017 by juliusbeezer
Oops! - Academia Obscura
Even after sinking hours of labour into it there are bound to be some miner errors.

References to ‘screwed data’ and a ‘screwed distribution’ have not stopped a 2004 paper in the International Journal of Obesity from garnering over 300 citations. Likewise, a group of Japanese researchers concluded: ‘There were no significunt differences in the IAA content of shoots or roots between mycorrhizal and non-mycorrhizal plants’. The paper has racked up 22 citations in spite of the significunt slipup.

An unintentionally honest method appears in another paper, where the authors state: ‘In this study, we have used (insert statistical method here) to compile unique DNA methylation signatures.’

A couple of cringeworthy blunders have drawn the attention of the academic community in recent years. The Gabor scandal started when an internal author note was accidentally included in the final published version of an ecology paper:

Although association preferences documented in our study theoretically could be a consequence of either mating or shoaling preferences in the different female groups investigated (should we cite the crappy Gabor paper here?), shoaling preferences are unlikely drivers of the documented patterns…

The comment was added following peer review during the revision process and unfortunately slipped through the cracks in subsequent rounds of editing.
editing  peerreview  funny 
october 2017 by juliusbeezer
Is America Ruining Cyclocross? | Outside Online
People actually wanted to hang out at a cyclocross race and bring you into the fold, whereas a road race felt more like a bunch of people who were there to help somebody move and just wanted to get it over with. (If you've never been in a breakaway, carry a sofa down six flights of stairs with a few strangers—it's exactly the same thing.)
cycling  sport  funny 
october 2017 by juliusbeezer
Letting neural networks be weird • A neural network invents diseases you don’t want...
Strecting Dissection of the Breath
Bacterial Fradular Syndrome
Milk Tomosis
Lemopherapathy
Osteomaroxism
Lower Veminary Hypertension Deficiency
Palencervictivitis
Asthodepic Fever
Hurtical Electrochondropathy
Loss Of Consufficiency
Parpoxitis
corpus  learning  medicine  funny 
august 2017 by juliusbeezer
Ken Cheng's pound coin gag voted Edinburgh fringe's funniest joke | Stage | The Guardian
“I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.” Ken Cheng
“Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book.” Frankie Boyle
“I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?” Alexei Sayle
“I’m looking for the girl-next-door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her.” Lew Fitz
“I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated.” Andy Field
“Combine Harvesters. And you’ll have a really big restaurant.” Mark Simmons
“I’m rubbish with names. It’s not my fault, it’s a condition. There’s a name for it …” Jimeoin
“I have two boys, five and six. We’re no good at naming things in our house.” Ed Byrne
“I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died ... which was lucky, because he trod on a landmine.” Olaf Falafel
“Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences’, I say, ‘Oh my God, me neither!’” Alasdair Beckett-King
“A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event.” Angela Barnes
“I wonder how many chameleons snuck on to the Ark.” Adam Hess
funny 
august 2017 by juliusbeezer
Those Brexit Negotiations – abridged – Nog's Musings
Yes, we also need this new “Union for Customs” to have a clause which lets us set up new Free Trade Deals

But none of our other 27 member states can create new trade deals whilst in the Customs Union, that’s why it’s a Customs Union

No, No, a “Union for Customs” – it’s quite different

Mon Dieu, and these new trade deals that you want to negotiate, whilst in these duplicates that we have to help create, presumably they’ll be with countries we trade with already?

Err, yes…

So you might actually undercut us and/or take away some of our market share?

Possibly…

So let me summarise: You thought you could blackmail us, but found out you can’t. You’ve finally realised you actually need the Single Market, Customs Union & other institutions (or at least the “benefits” – which is the same thing) but you can’t tell the public that, because you made impossible promises.

So, as an alternative, you want us to help duplicate (and pay for) large parts of these institutions just so your politicians can pretend the UK has left the SM & CU. But you only want these “duplicates” to be in place for a temporary period.
Brexit  funny 
august 2017 by juliusbeezer
The Rules of Faff - A Mountain Bikers Guide | off-road.cc
8. Sneaky Faffs

a) Sneaky Faff's are acceptable as long as the Sneaky Faffer, sprints ahead of the pack and finishes their faff before the pack catches up.
b) Sneaky Faff's are only for food and clothing Faffs.
cycling  funny 
august 2017 by juliusbeezer
Health secretary Jeremy Hunt in row over £44k bathroom to let him "freshen up" after bike commute | road.cc
Health secretary Jeremy Hunt is at the centre of a row over a £44,000 shower room and toilet in the Department of Health’s new headquarters, which The Sun claims (link is external) is for his personal use but the politician insists is available to any member of staff who cycles to the office in Victoria.

According to the newspaper, the 15 foot by 8 foot bathroom suite adjacent to Hunt’s office on the top floor of the building, which is located at 39 Victoria Street, includes floor-to-ceiling tiling, sensor-activated lighting and a power shower.

It added that there are already shower facilities by the bike racks in the £25 million building’s basement, but said Hunt wanted his own private space where he could “freshen up” after his commute by bicycle.
cycling  politics  funny 
august 2017 by juliusbeezer
The Importance of Utility Cycling: FAQ | Outside Online
Bike loading: You may think you've mastered this after your successful bikepacking trip, but you got to plan everything meticulously beforehand, and while you may have taken precaution to keep your weed dry odds are none of the items you had to transport safely were eggs.

Also, at any point during your mini bike vacation did you receive a text that said, "Oh, and we need diapers"? I didn't think so.
cycling  transport  funny  quaxing 
july 2017 by juliusbeezer
Article 16 de la Constitution de la Cinquième République française — Wikipédia
— Article 16 de la Constitution, version en vigueur depuis le 23 juillet 20082

Note : Cet article fut originellement (et le reste) publié avec une faute de grammaire3. Le mot « menacés » devrait en effet s'écrire « menacées ».
français  grammar  funny  law 
april 2017 by juliusbeezer
Fête de l'Autoroute : le ridicule en roue libre
Ainsi, le 22 mai, de 10h00 à 17h00, quinze tronçons d'autoroute, soit un total d'environ 50 km, seront réservés aux piétons. Il fallait y penser. Bien sûr, des activités ludiques et colorées rivalisant d'imagination seront déployées, à côté desquelles Paris-Plage fait figure de bac à sable du pauvre. Fêtes foraines, street art, spectacles vivants, cours de zumba, stretching, courses d'obstacles, triathlon, vélo, concerts, cirque, vol en montgolfière, jeux de société géants, tout y est ou presque. Si vous rêviez de fouler le macadam juché sur des échasses landaises, votre souhait sera enfin exaucé ; il vous suffira, pour ce faire, de vous rendre sur la portion dédiée de l'A63, qui proposera en outre des tournois de baskets. Le programme ne précise pas, en revanche, s'il est prévu de faire du basket sur échasses, ce qui serait fort opportun pour atteindre plus facilement le panier. Courir au fin fond d'un tunnel sera également chose possible au Prado à Marseille, qui abritera une kermesse underground, concept résolument novateur s'il en est, ainsi que des compétitions de kart à pédales et de pétanque - ce qui dénote un léger déficit d'ambition ; avec une surface pareille, ils auraient au moins pu envisager un bowling.
driving  roaddiet  satire  français  funny 
april 2017 by juliusbeezer
Se débarrasser des rongeurs squatteurs de compost | Tout sur le Compost
Méthode très connue pour son efficacité et ses nombreuses homologations sous différents noms (méthode du balai piston, du rateau piston, de la pelle guillotine etc…), la méthode du balai piston permet de retrouver à l’homme ses instincts de prédateurs naturels. Sans ces vulgaires armes à feu et muni d’une simple arme de poing, l’homme, mis dans ces conditions si proches de ses limites pourra sentir monter en lui la montée d’adrénaline du chasseur préhistorique et découvrir son moi sanguinaire refoulé.

La méthode consiste à guetter sa proie dans les petites heures de l’aube, à s’approcher au plus près puis à lui appliquer un bon coup de balai piston sur la base du crâne afin de supprimer les liaisons corticales de la bestiole et de provoquer la mort immédiate.

Comme indiqué sur cette page, il vous est tout à fait possible de composter le sang du rongeur. Le corps sera à enterrer un peu plus loin.

[hard] 6ème méthode : l’explosif
Pour des raisons de législation, nous ne mettrons pas de mode d’emploi de fabrication d’explosif sur ce site. Procurez vous en un où vous voulez, cela ne nous regarde pas.

La meilleure façon de toucher le rat est d’enterrer les charges aux abords du composteur, en position basse. Si l’explosif ne touche pas le rongeur, comme sur la photo, le bruit de la détonation lui sera fatal. De plus, si vous ne voulez pas utiliser d’explosif illégal, prenez un pétard de nouvel an, cela marche très bien aussi !
compost  funny  français 
april 2017 by juliusbeezer
The authentic, hand-curated Hipster menu crafter -- Charlie Harvey
hipsters have taken over even once proudly grim local boozers, it seemed important to invent a tool to generate hipster menu items. And it should be written in vintage javascript, of course.
coding  food  funny 
april 2017 by juliusbeezer
New Parenting Study Released - The New Yorker
A recent study has shown that if American parents read one more long-form think piece about parenting they will go fucking ape shit.

The study was conducted by Susan Waterson, a professor of behavioral psychology at the University of Massachusetts and the author of zero books, because, Waterson says, “another book at this point would just be cruel.
parents  funny 
march 2017 by juliusbeezer
Language Log » Annals of email porn filtering
I have a German friend who lives amid farmland out east of Edinburgh, and keeps chickens as a hobby. When I visited recently, there was much excitement because one of a clutch of fertile eggs in a small incubator in the living room was beginning to hatch. A tiny beak appeared, and eventually a bedraggled baby bird struggled out and started clambering drunkenly over the shells of its brothers and sisters. Yesterday, after a few weeks had elapsed, my friend wrote to let me know that the tiny creature had been male, and was now an adolescent Cuckoo Maran cockerel.
funny  censorship  filtrage 
march 2017 by juliusbeezer
Nude cyclists 'pedal for safety' in X-rated bike ride that caused outrage down under - Mirror Online
Now here's something you don't see everyday - hundreds of naked bikers taking to the streets of Sydney, Australia to make a fuss about cycling safety.

The bizarre sight certainly captured attention but rather than promoting their cause they instead caused uproar.

The appearance of hundreds of cyclists wearing absolutely nothing in the summer sun sparked a firestorm of fury on the Byron Bay Facebook page.

And it's all down to the fact that the cyclists had no helmets on.
cycling  helmetwars  spectacle  funny 
march 2017 by juliusbeezer
The $35,000 copper-plated, python skin-wrapped bicycle ... made in 'Motor City' Detroit | road.cc
This new bike from a luxury sporting goods firm based in the Motor City may lack an internal combustion engine, but when it comes to bling, it ticks all the boxes – and a price tag of $35,000 means only the super-wealthy (and supremely lacking in taste) can afford one.

Called the Wheelmen, it’s made by Williamson Goods, and is copper- or chrome-plated and wrapped in python skin, together with a crocodile skin Brooks saddle.
cycling  funny  work  dccomment 
february 2017 by juliusbeezer
Britain Jumps Into a Brexit Wonderland - The New Yorker
For the City of London and British industries with close ties to Europe, such a “hard Brexit” represents a grave threat. Already, bankers in Frankfurt and Dublin are talking about poaching business and talent from their London-based competitors. Reflecting the blow to Britain’s competitiveness, the value of the pound sterling has fallen sharply since the referendum. In the short run, this has helped cushion the blow to the economy by making British exports cheaper, and G.D.P. growth has held up better than many analysts expected.

Over the long term, though, the United Kingdom faces the prospect of being a small open economy with a vulnerable currency and a persistent trade deficit. Britons with a long memory, of whom there don’t seem to be very many, will recall that during the nineteen-eighties it was exactly this uncomfortable set of circumstances that prompted Margaret Thatcher, who was hardly a lover of the Brussels bureaucracy, to support the single-market project, which eventually led to the E.U. we see today.
eu  uk  politics  Brexit  funny 
february 2017 by juliusbeezer
Dr Hutch: Long time trials are more like an awkward eating competition - Cycling Weekly
here’s something it takes most people a few goes to work out: the limiting physiological factor for a very long time trial is not aerobic capacity, it’s energy. A 12 or 24-hour time trial is, when you boil it down, no more than an inconveniently mobile eating competition.
cycling  food  funny 
february 2017 by juliusbeezer
Introducing the self-driving bicycle in the Netherlands - YouTube
This spring, Google is introducing the self-driving bicycle in Amsterdam, the world’s premier cycling city. The Dutch cycle more than any other nation in the world, almost 900 kilometres per year per person, amounting to over 15 billion kilometres annually. The self-driving bicycle enables safe navigation through the city for Amsterdam residents, and furthers Google’s ambition to improve urban mobility with technology. Google Netherlands takes enormous pride in the fact that a Dutch team worked on this innovation that will have great impact in their home country.
cycling  funny  google 
february 2017 by juliusbeezer
Mark Hamill Reads Joker-Like Donald Trump Tweet As The Joker
When writer Matt Oswalt pointed out that president-elect Donald Trump’s recent New Year’s Eve tweet sounded like something the Joker would say, the Joker rose to the occasion.
funny  us  politics  twitter 
january 2017 by juliusbeezer
TLSSensationally stupid – TheTLS
The fairest review that any novel of mine ever received was one I wrote myself. At least I had read the book and knew it pretty thoroughly, so I was able to discuss its faults and virtues with some confidence. But I was widely condemned for this, and I found it difficult for some time after to get work as a reviewer, the implication presumably being that names like V. S. Naipaul and Iris Murdoch and Paul Scott were conceivably pseudonyms of mine, and I could not be trusted to review fairly books which had those names on the title-page. I think that no harm would be done if, for one issue only, the TLS tried the experiment of asking authors to review their own books.
reviews  writing  funny 
january 2017 by juliusbeezer
Cesare Pavese’s Slang
I’m befuddled, all in a daze, with your titanic kindness. I’m now seeing the world only through a veil of pink sheets, all bristling with slang-phrases which are meddling together, re-echoing and staring at me from everywhere. I’ve got now I can no more take a pull out of a bottle together with my gang, without thinking I’m going on the grand sneak. And how flip I get sometimes! My whole existence has got a slang drift now. You could almost say I’m a slang-slinger. (Ha!)
translation  english  italian  funny  writing 
january 2017 by juliusbeezer
AI Alarmism: why smart people believe dumb things about our future AI overlords - boing - Boing Boing BBS
Maciej Cegłowski (previously) gave this talk, "Superintelligence: The Idea That Eats Smart People," at Web Camp Zagreb last October, spending 45 minutes delving into the origin of the idea that computers are going to become apocalyptic, self-programming, superintelligent basilisks that end all live on Earth (and variations on this theme) and then explaining why this fundamentally evidence-free, fuzzy idea has colonized so many otherwise brilliant people -- including people like Stephen Hawking -- and why it's an irrational and potentially harmful belief system.
funny  psychology  commenting 
december 2016 by juliusbeezer
Someone Keeps Photoshopping Trump's Face On The Queen And It's Seriously Terrifying
Instagram user ogtrumpqueen has gone viral after sharing a set of terrifying photoshops that swap Donald Trump’s face on the body of England’s Queen Elizabeth.
photography  funny 
december 2016 by juliusbeezer
Unflattering Picture That Donald Trump Hates Gets Photoshop Treatment - TheLADbible
The great thing about the internet is that once something is on it, it's pretty much there forever.

Not so long ago Beyoncé tried to get rid of a god awful picture of her performing at the Super Bowl, but it was to no avail. Now, Donald Trump isn't happy about an unflattering snap.

The photo, which showcases his truly terrible hair, as well as his bright orange skin, also appears to show that he's a distant relative of Jabba the Hutt.
funny  photography 
december 2016 by juliusbeezer
Trump is angry at NBC News for using this photo of him, so please don't use this enhanced, enlarged version of it for anything / Boing Boing
The original is a screengrab of a fairly low-quality video feed; I opened it in a proprietary "Blow Up" app, added some grain to conceal compression artifacts, and interpolated it to 2048 pixels wide to get a better look at what president-elect Donald Trump was angry about. He looks quite charming, if you ask me! Now, promise not to use this image anywhere else, as it would be unseemly and unmannerly.
photography  funny 
december 2016 by juliusbeezer
My love of roast potatoes (& how to make them) – Medium
To achieve peak roastpotatoeness (it’s a word), your potatoes must hit hot oil. Anything less and they’ll just absorb oil and lethargically sit in your oven not ever getting to peak roastpotatoeness. They need to be cooked in an oven by themselves and not in the same tray as your meat or indeed in the same oven at the same time. Why not in the same tray? While I accept it imparts into the potatoes a lovely savoury meatiness, you are limited to the number of potatoes that you can fit around the roast. The second issue is common whether you cook potatoes in the same tray as your meat or in the same oven in a separate tray, you are inhibiting the meat from roasting by adding loads of moisture to your oven.
food  funny  dccomment 
december 2016 by juliusbeezer
Boswell's Life of Johnson (Project Gutenberg edition)
we stood talking for some time together of Bishop Berkeley's ingenious sophistry to prove the non-existence of matter, and that every thing in the universe is merely ideal. I observed, that though we are satisfied his doctrine is not true, it is impossible to refute it. I never shall forget the alacrity with which Johnson answered, striking his foot with mighty force against a large stone, till he rebounded from it, 'I refute it thus[1385].' This was a stout exemplification of the first truths of Pere Bouffier[1386], or the original principles of Reid and of Beattie; without admitting which, we can no more argue in metaphysicks, than we can argue in mathematicks without axioms. To me it is not conceivable how Berkeley can be answered by pure reasoning; but I know that the nice and difficult task was to have been undertaken by one of the most luminous minds of the present age, had not politicks 'turned him from calm philosophy aside[1387]
philosophy  funny 
december 2016 by juliusbeezer
The Samuel Johnson Sound Bite Page: Refutation of Bishop Berkely
57. Refutation of Bishop Berkeley (ad lapidem)
After we came out of the church, we stood talking for some time together of Bishop Berkeley's ingenious sophistry to prove the nonexistence of matter, and that every thing in the universe is merely ideal. I observed, that though we are satisfied his doctrine is not true, it is impossible to refute it. I never shall forget the alacrity with which Johnson answered, striking his foot with mighty force against a large stone, till he rebounded from it -- "I refute it thus."
Boswell: Life
philosophy  literature  funny 
december 2016 by juliusbeezer
Edmund Gettier - Wikipedia
Gettier... was short on publications, his colleagues urged him to write up any ideas he had just to satisfy the administration. The result was a three-page paper that remains one of the most famous in recent philosophical history. According to anecdotal comments that Plantinga has given in lectures, Gettier was originally so unenthusiastic about the paper that he wrote it, had someone translate it into Spanish, and published in a South American journal.[citation needed] The paper was later published in the United States. Gettier has since published nothing
philosophy  funny  scholarly  publishing 
december 2016 by juliusbeezer
Is Justified True Belief Knowledge?
Gettier loses me here: "suppose… Jones owns a Ford" (argumentum ad plaustrum)
philosophy  funny  driving  from twitter
december 2016 by juliusbeezer
Blessed be the Org, the Com, and the Net - Stallmanism
I'm an atheist - how could Stallmanism work for me?

Stallmanism is a compatible extension of atheism. Atheism is a step on the road to Enlightenment, a rejection of legacy religions, imaginary friends, telepathy, and pixies. Stallmanism takes this a step further and says that we, humans, fully define Heaven and Hell, through the adoption of an appropriate social contract.
So what is Heaven, and what is Hell?

That should be obvious to anyone who uses Windows, or any other non-free software. Heaven is that state in which all knowledge is freely available to all, and Hell is the opposite.
Why is the GPL so important?

A True Believer does not question the sacred texts, but if you really insist, it's because the GPL defines an evolving social contract that eliminates friction in the digital society and economy, promotes universal access to knowledge, and thus enables the inevitable emergence of a global human super-consciousness, which Stallmanists recognize as "God".
freesoftware  religion  satire  funny 
december 2016 by juliusbeezer
I Went to the Bad Sex Awards and They Were Posher and Meaner Than You Could Even Imagine | VICE | United Kingdom
It doesn't feel mean to me in that moment, it feels quite natural to laugh at someone being so earnest about something ridiculous. What occurs to me then is that the idea of highlighting bad writing is not the problem; it's just that there's no reason we should stop at sex. Where are the awards for the Worst Sensitive Young Man Portrayal? Or Worst Coming of Age Cliches? Any objections I have with these awards is not based in the belief that writers should be treated more kindly, but that we should all be roundly mocked more often for our terrible ideas and lazy prose, and that needn't necessarily take place in protected buildings in central London.

It's only at the end, when the prize itself is awarded, that I feel really dirty.
writing  literature  criticism  funny 
december 2016 by juliusbeezer
Trump’s Breezy Calls to World Leaders Leave Diplomats Aghast - The New York Times
m counterterrorism to nuclear proliferation.

In a remarkably candid readout of the phone call, the Pakistani government said Mr. Trump had told Mr. Sharif that he was “a terrific guy” who made him feel as though “I’m talking to a person I have known for long.” He described Pakistanis as “one of the most intelligent people.” When Mr. Sharif invited him to visit Pakistan, the president-elect replied that he would “love to come to a fantastic country, fantastic place of fantastic people.”

The Trump transition office, in its more circumspect readout, said only that Mr. Trump and Mr. Sharif “had a productive conversation about how the United States and Pakistan will have a strong working relationship in the future.” It did not confirm or deny the Pakistani account of Mr. Trump’s remarks.

The breezy tone of the readout left diplomats in Washington slack-jawed, with some initially assuming it was a parody. In particular, they zeroed in on Mr. Trump’s offer to Mr. Sharif “to play any role you want me to play to address and find solutions to the country’s problems.”
us  politics  funny  nukes 
december 2016 by juliusbeezer
(1) Expressions érotiques : cachez ce sens que je ne saurais voir - Culture / Next
Nous souhaitons agacer le sous-préfet ? Gaffe, le sous-préfet sera sans doute ravi, mais est-on bien certain(e) de vouloir se livrer à une fellation ? On a la puce à l’oreille ? Grand dieu, voilà une façon on ne peut plus clair pour une femme de confesser qu’elle est sexuellement excitée. On ne se mouche pas du pied ? Tant mieux. Mais encore faut-il savoir que se moucher, c’est aussi éjaculer.

De quoi rougir a posteriori de toutes ces expressions dont nous usons avec une pathétique candeur et sans même déconner (soit littéralement «baiser sans sortir du con»). Chance, l’antidote à ces dérapages incontrôlés vient de paraître. Son titre, 200 Drôles d’Expressions érotiques que l’on utilise tous les jours sans le savoir (1).

L’auteure, la linguiste docteure ès lettres Agnès Pierron, taquine depuis des années déjà le coquin de notre langue. On lui doit le Bouquin des mots du sexe ou les Bagatelles de la porte (précis des préliminaires amoureux).
français  sex  funny  language 
december 2016 by juliusbeezer
Dating Without Kundera (Idle Words)
I fully recognize the important role of the dating book, that is, the carefully selected work you lend a prospective lover sometime in the golden honeymoon period between your second cup of coffee together and the first time you spend a night in the same bed without touching. In that short window of time, your partner is still a delicious mystery to you, an enigmatic and discerning being, and to her you are a dark continent of adventure and excitement, waiting to be explored. And so you lend her books that are funny, playful, and good subway reading, but also complex enough to hint at your Hidden Depths. Something unusual is a plus, as are lots of sexy bits, to serve as a reminder of the animal fires that burn within. And since you don't yet know one another too well, you try to choose a shotgun of a book that fires a wide pattern, thematically speaking. Like an early physicist studying the atom, you will hurl little bits of culture at your new love and collect valuable data about her inner life by observing the way they bounce off.
reading  literature  funny 
november 2016 by juliusbeezer
Shitloads and zingers: on the perils of machine translation | Aeon Ideas
[shitloads... to nuns]
Take the French petite phrase. Phrase can mean ‘sentence’ or ‘phrase’ in English. When Marcel Proust uses it in a musical context in his novel À la recherche du temps perdu (1913-27), in the line ‘la petite phrase de Vinteuil’, it has to be ‘phrase’, because ‘sentence’ makes no sense. Google Translate (the old phrase-based system; the new neutral network is as yet available only for Mandarin Chinese) does remarkably well with this. If you put in petite phrase alone, it gives ‘short sentence’. If you put in la petite phrase de Vinteuil (Vinteuil being the name of a character who happens to be a composer), it gives ‘Vinteuil’s little phrase’, echoing published Proust translations. The rarity of the name ‘Vinteuil’ provides the necessary context, which the statistical algorithm picks up. But if you put in la petite phrase de Sarkozy, it spits out ‘little phrase Sarkozy’ instead of the correct ‘Sarkozy’s zinger’ – because in the political context indicated by the name of the former president, une petite phrase is a barbed remark aimed at a political rival – a zinger rather than a musical phrase. But the name Sarkozy appears in such a variety of sentences that the statistical engine fails to register it properly – and then compounds the error with an unfortunate solecism...
... even the best algorithms will miss things – and as Henry James put it, the ideal translator must be a person ‘on whom nothing is lost’.
translation  software  funny  semantic 
november 2016 by juliusbeezer
Farmacy, London W2: ‘I pray I never eat here again’ – restaurant review | Life and style | The Guardian
But wait: the morning after my day with the clean eaters, I have an unexpected lightness to my step. Positively jet-propelled. I couldn’t say whether this diet will make you foxy, but it sure as hell ain’t going to make you fragrant. “Our offer is founded on… learning to listen to our inner selves,” waffles the Farmacy website. Here’s what my inner self is saying: “Parp!”
food  funny 
november 2016 by juliusbeezer
How Drug Companies Keep Medicine Out of Reach - The Atlantic
"So there is the idea that there are gaps in research," Love told me in February, "and the second idea is that linking the cost of R&D to the price of the drug through the grant of a monopoly is inherently problematic, and the problems are diverse." The existing system relies on the promise of drug sales under patent to incentivize innovation -- an effective monopoly on production, typically lasting more than a decade. That system leads drug makers to set prices at whatever level they think the market can bear, regardless of the cost of manufacture or even the cost of development. The point was driven home last year, when Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, in New York, refused a new colorectal cancer drug priced at over $130,000 per year. The drug maker, Sanofi, promptly cut the price in half...
[dccomment, disqus: A martian writes:
"The discomfort of M. Gates' conflicted position is very interesting. Presumably much of his 'wealth' is still 'invested' in companies that rely on 'intellectual property' to make 'money.' Yet clearly, the experts who advise him how to spend it, are clear that for things that actually matter for humanity—curing tropical diseases, rather than selling dodgy software upgrades—this model is of proven ineffectiveness. However, should he concede the point, the resulting cultural matter-antimatter explosion could leave him standing alone in a desert, spectacles fogged by dust, and wearing only a pair of frazzled underpants."]
drugs  medicine  research  dccomment  funny 
october 2016 by juliusbeezer
Thank God Theresa May is continuing the historic Tory tradition of fighting the elite | The Independent
These abuses have come about because, for 35 years, British life has been relentlessly liberal. It started with Margaret Thatcher, who shut down the mines so they could be replaced by documentaries on BBC4 about Tibetan dance. And she brought in the Poll Tax, but only because she was convinced this would lead to wider ownership of African wood carvings bought from antique shops in Notting Hill.

Then we had liberal Tony Blair with his liberal invasion of Iraq, in which he insisted the air force only used Fairtrade depleted uranium. Now, at last, we’re all sick of being ruled by these elite liberals.
uk  politics  funny  iraq 
october 2016 by juliusbeezer
(8) Les dix commandements pour affronter le froid et la pluie à vélo - Libération
S’il avait connu le vélo, Lao Tseu aurait pu dire : «Evite de sortir nu par grand froid». En hiver, pas le choix, il faut superposer les couches d’habits. Ce qui n’implique pas de devoir s’acheter la tenue complète du parfait petit cycliste : ce dont on a besoin se trouve bien souvent déjà dans le placard. L’équipement de base comprend : de bons gants - «absolument essentiels» pour Amélie – un manteau bien chaud et un bonnet – avec ou sans casque par-dessus.
cycling  clothing  funny  français 
september 2016 by juliusbeezer
How to Write an Anti-Bike Commentary—Without the Nuisance of Actual Thought | Chicago magazine | Politics & City Life September 2016
A local newspaper this week published yet another anti-cyclist commentary, and it just seemed so…inefficient. The same predictable column has been written hundreds of times, each triggering the same predictable cycle of outrage. Shouldn’t algorithms—machine learning, if you will—be able to write these for us by now?

Therefore I humbly offer the following template to any of my peers in local media, free to use any time there is a desperate need for content to be funneled and clicks to be baited.
cycling  funny 
september 2016 by juliusbeezer
Everything is fucked: The syllabus – The Hardest Science
In a much-discussed article at Slate, social psychologist Michael Inzlicht told a reporter, “Meta-analyses are fucked” (Engber, 2016). What does it mean, in science, for something to be fucked? Fucked needs to mean more than that something is complicated or must be undertaken with thought and care, as that would be trivially true of everything in science. In this class we will go a step further and say that something is fucked if it presents hard conceptual challenges to which implementable, real-world solutions for working scientists are either not available or routinely ignored in practice.

The format of this seminar is as follows: Each week we will read and discuss 1-2 papers that raise the question of whether something is fucked.
science  sciencepublishing  statistics  funny 
august 2016 by juliusbeezer
What's the deal with translating Seinfeld | The Verge
With her cast and crew, she plowed through the five seasons of the show that had already aired in the United States — she would record them all in succession, then tackle the show’s remaining seasons as they concluded in America. But things went off track soon, she later told me. She didn’t care much for the scripts she was getting from the dialogue book writers. They were translating too literally. Subtle word choices could make a difference, and she changed a lot of the scripts as she recorded. By the show’s eighth season, she finally took over all writing duties.

Her main voice actors — Oliver Feld as Jerry, Traudel Haas as Elaine, Detlef Bierstedt as George, and K. Dieter Klebsch as Kramer — pitched in as well, refining lines as needed whenever they thought the translations weren’t funny enough. They soon became a united cast, as bonded as their American counterparts. (Years later, the team even reunited to reprise their roles in the German version of the Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes in which the cast of Seinfeld gets back together.)

As the actors got better at working together, they had more suggestions for improving the scripts. Often, Sebastian took entire scenes home to rework them overnight.

When it came to Dolores, of course, Sebastian had to work extra hard. Finally, she hit upon a distinctly German solution: she substituted Dolores (rhymes with "clitoris") with Uschi (rhymes with "muschi," slang for vagina). Uschi is a relatively common German name, short for Ursula. Perfect.
translation  subtitling  english  german  funny 
june 2016 by juliusbeezer
34 surprising exceptions to Rule 34 | The Daily Dot
Among the long-held Rules of the Internet, the most infamous is Rule 34: "If it exists, there is porn of it—no exceptions."

Rule 34 has been ruining favorite childhood cartoons and sexualizing video game characters for about as long as the .jpg file format has existed, to say nothing of all the Photoshopped celebrity nudes it's produced. And although the rule is nearly universal, there remain some surprising omissions. This may come as news to you if you're familiar with humanity's shocking ability to draw breasts on anything and masturbate to it.
porn  internet  funny 
june 2016 by juliusbeezer
Twitter
Interesting Ur sociolinguistics, with the added twinkle of Soundcloud user comments on the clips
funny  from twitter
may 2016 by juliusbeezer
Twitter
: la mairie durcit sa politique de répression de la fraude au stationnement
Nantes  politics  spectacle  funny  pollution  environment  road_safety  from twitter_favs
april 2016 by juliusbeezer
Motherfucking Website
via @foaas, see also txti.es/

et me describe your perfect-ass website:

Shit's lightweight and loads fast
Fits on all your shitty screens
Looks the same in all your shitty browsers
The motherfucker's accessible to every asshole that visits your site
Shit's legible and gets your fucking point across (if you had one instead of just 5mb pics of hipsters drinking coffee)
webdesign  funny  text_tools 
april 2016 by juliusbeezer
19 restaurants de connards qui doivent être immédiatement fermés
19 restaurants de connards qui doivent être immédiatement fermés

Impossible de manger quelque chose qui n’ait pas été déstructuré et servi sur une planche.
food  funny 
april 2016 by juliusbeezer
Institute for the Study of the Neurologically Typical: The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of 'Normal' Disorders
DSN-IV (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of 'Normal' Disorders)
Disorders Usually First Evident in Infancy, Childhood, or Adolescence
666.00 Neurotypic Disorder

The essential features constitute a severe form of Invasive Developmental Disorder, with onset in infancy or childhood.
funny  satire  medicine  psychology 
march 2016 by juliusbeezer
Context-Free GenGen
A context-free text generator uses a "grammar" to generate strings. You can use this tool to make your own online context-free text generator—all you need to do is put some rows in a Google spreadsheet.

Probably the best way to show you is by example. Let's say you wanted to make a simple generator, that does: "I am the [adjective] [animal] in the [adjective] [place]." You'd make this spreadsheet:
language  grammar  funny  corpus 
march 2016 by juliusbeezer
jwz: PSA: backups
I am here to tell you about backups. It's very simple.

Option 1: Learn not to care about your data. Don't save any old email, use a film camera, and only listen to physical CDs and not MP3s. If you have no posessions, you have nothing to lose.

Option 2 goes like this:

You have a computer. It came with a hard drive in it. Go buy two more drives of the same size or larger. If the drive in your computer is SATA2, get SATA2. If it's a 2.5" laptop drive, get two of those. Brand doesn't matter, but physical measurements and connectors should match...
That third drive? Do a backup onto it the same way, then take that to your office and lock it in a desk. Every few months, bring it home, do a backup, and immediately take it away again. This is your "my house burned down" backup.

"OMG, three drives is so expensive! That sounds like a hassle!" Shut up. I know things. You will listen to me. Do it anyway.
software  backup  hardware  funny  linux  macosx 
march 2016 by juliusbeezer
Le cabinet de curiosités des langues de France -
Le cabinet de curiosités des langues de France propose une rétrospective sur les dispositifs de captation et de sauvegarde de la diversité linguistique, depuis l’invention du premier enregistreur sonore par Charles Cros en 1877 jusqu’à l’invention en 2059 du traducteur universel qui permet aujourd’hui à chacun de parler toutes les langues du monde.
translation  funny  corpus  français 
march 2016 by juliusbeezer
La Panne Générale
Huit réacteurs nucléaires touchés par une panne la même nuit : j’ai beau avoir l’habitude des petits nuages qui ont tendance à pleuvoir juste au dessus de mes centrales, huit, c’est énorme ! En cliquant sur « voir » dans la colonne de droite, on peut accéder à un aperçu du résumé de la défaillance. Sur les huit indisponibilités de cette nuit, la cause indiquée est la même : « panne »...
Bref, je me demandais : EDF, puisque tu as de belles bases de données, ne pourrais-tu pas ajouter un champ, une valeur, afin de différencier une panne et une grève ? De cette façon, si un jour il y a une panne généralisée des centrales nucléaires, nous ne nous inquiéterons pas inutilement à l’idée qu’il pourrait s’agir, par exemple, d’une grève générale.
nukes  france  funny  satire 
february 2016 by juliusbeezer
14 JAW-DROPPINGLY TERRIBLE SELF-PUBLISHED BOOKS - DIGITISER 2000
Let's face it, in this age of crowd-funding and internet print-on-demand, any lunatic can pump out any old rubbish and call themselves an author or games journalist...
Plenty of self-published works are great - and to find out, why not become one of our Patreon donors, to get yourself a copy of our own Man's Daddy Joke Book? - but some of them... well... they're beyond parody.
writing  funny  publishing  literature 
february 2016 by juliusbeezer
It wasn’t all nasty, brutish and short | Times Higher Education (THE)
Only a small number of the words we consider profanity have Anglo-Saxon roots: arse, bollock, fart, shit and turd. The others are all later arrivals into the English language. Cock and piss come via Norman English, and bum, cunt, fuck and twat are of unknown origin and appeared from the 13th century onwards. There is, in fact, very little that could be considered profanity in the surviving corpus of Old English, the language of the Anglo-Saxons.
english  language  history  funny 
february 2016 by juliusbeezer
Turkish reporter talking to a mushroom instead of microphone! - YouTube
Humour is culturally bound, it's said, but this fun from Turkey surely universal: via
funny  from twitter
february 2016 by juliusbeezer
In an open world, what value do publishers add to research?
‘THERE IS LEFT-OVER FOOD UPSTAIRS. Repeat, THERE IS LEFT-OVER FOOD UPSTAIRS ’.

I laughed, half in relief – but on reflection, there was nothing that funny about it. The food was from the BioMed Central event I had spoken at.

Naturally, no one wants food to go to waste – but the funny side wore off when I saw researchers head upstairs to eat leftovers from an event, which like many awareness raising events, is partly funded by open access fees. These are often paid by research institutions (thus indirectly, taxes or charitable donations) to publishers to cover the costs of making it available without a ‘paywall’.

However, many publishers also spend significant amounts of money to attract researchers to publish with them. Naturally it’s more complicated than this, but a simple thought struck me and I daydreamed…

I day-dreamed of a world where researchers doing life-saving work had publishers eating their leftovers, at events hosted by researchers. Events where researchers allowed potential publishers to apply for the privilege of publishing them – and researchers decide who they will allow to publish their important research.

I imagined what would happen if all researchers collectively and suddenly decided they didn’t want to submit to ‘for-profit’ publishers because they felt reputations and impact factors were suddenly irrelevant in a digital age, thus disrupting any business model based on prestige.

Would less money go to publishers and more stay within research institutions for research? Would a sea of poor quality research drown good research with no one paid to check it, or would publishing just happen faster, like publishing this blog – the reviewing stage happening afterwards, in the open, in public?

It was a wild day-dream and I blame the cheese.
sciencepublishing  funny  openaccess 
january 2016 by juliusbeezer
Netflix is on F***ing Fire — Medium
The traditional TV Industry should be in panic mode. Maybe it’s not a big deal that Netflix has an estimated 69 million subscribers worldwide and counting. Maybe it’s even a small thing that netflixers watch 100 million hours of video on the service every day.
television  internet  media  attention  funny 
january 2016 by juliusbeezer
Digital Revision | Electronic Book Review
Approaching the work of François Laruelle is a singularly disorientating experience. Billed in marketing blurbs and encyclopedia entries as a “philosopher,” Laruelle is difficult to place. Clearly indebted to the post-structuralist movement, with the verbal tics that run (through) his writing, but likewise also descended from (quasi-Althusserian) Marx, the most common characterization of his work is as “non-philosophy.” While this may summon images of Wittgenstein exhorting his readers to stop doing philosophy, Laruelle is of an entirely different breed, closer to Deleuze and his post-dialectical strain than any school of language philosophy, somehow clustered with Spinoza and the legacy of immanence, on the side of materialism but perhaps radically against empiricism.

Relatively unknown in Anglophone spheres at present and with English translations only recently surfacing, some have little time for his work. The same accusations of linguistic trickery and unsubstantiated claims that were leveled at Derrida (and even Deleuze) are to be found among the critics, with the less generous seeing the ultra-meta nature of Laruelle’s writing as “incomprehensible gobbledegook” (Brassier 2003, p.33)...

Bold and dangerously dense, the reader should be forewarned that Galloway’s book is not designed as an “introduction to Laruelle” and demands that the reader be pre-versed in much of its terminology. For those new to Laruelle’s thought, Galloway’s volume oscillates between summary passages and obtuse aphorism. It is not uncommon, for instance, to encounter sentences that, to the unversed, make little sense and seem predicated on a useless epistemology: “Laruellian objects are in fact black monads, smooth globes of an almost infinite flimsiness..."
theory  language  philosophy  attention  translation  funny  fren 
january 2016 by juliusbeezer
How to Spot a Communist Using Literary Criticism: A 1955 Manual from the U.S. Military | Open Culture
Asking citizens to become literary critics for the sake of national security, the publication told readers to watch out for the following:

While a preference for long sentences is common to most Communist writing, a distinct vocabulary provides the more easily recognized feature of the “Communist Language.” Even a superficial reading of an article written by a Communist or a conversation with one will probably reveal the use of some of the following expressions: integrative thinking, vanguard, comrade, hootenanny, chauvinism, book-burning, syncretistic faith, bourgeois-nationalism, jingoism, colonialism, hooliganism, ruling class, progressive, demagogy, dialectical, witch-hunt, reactionary, exploitation, oppressive, materialist.

This list, selected at random, could be extended almost indefinitely. While all of the above expressions are part of the English language, their use by Communists is infinitely more frequent than by the general public…
language  politics  funny 
november 2015 by juliusbeezer
Scottish Rap Music. If anyone outside of Scotland can understand what he is s... | Rebrn.com
Here mate (whit?)

You lookin at ma burd? (naw)

How no? Trying tae say she's ugly or summin?

Ah wis like that pure mad hingin out the back of your granny like that yass!
scots  funny 
november 2015 by juliusbeezer
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