AzureHart + crack   100

Just One Normal Christmas - Triangulum - Teen Wolf (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
"One normal Christmas, that's all I wanted!" Stiles says, waving his hand in front of him. The elf (seriously, maniacal little elves on Christmas Eve?) that was rushing him with his sharp little teeth bared goes flying through the air, hitting a tree with a sickening crunch.

"I know, dear," Peter says. He's trailing behind Stiles, watching his path of destruction with poorly-concealed amusement.
fanfic  TeenWolf  Stiles/Peter  crack  slash  author:Triangulum 
december 2018 by AzureHart
Full circle - tetsurashian - Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling [Archive of Our Own]
(aka 'how to survive endless rebirth with your so-called soulmate')

Harry and Tom’s souls are tied together. Which is why they’re in this endless loop of rebirth.

At some point, they stopped caring and just started fucking with people.

(crack with a hint of seriousness, my specialty)
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  soulmates  Harry/Tom  author:tetsurashian 
april 2018 by AzureHart
Bunnies of Death - DancingLassie - The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien [Archive of Our Own]
"Do you know the real reason hobbits live quietly in the Shire?

It's because all the other races banded together and banished them from the world's conflicts.

It just wasn't FAIR! Hobbits were tiny, adorable, and downright vicious with any weapon they picked up! No one else got to have any fun!

So the hobbits were disqualified and sent to live peaceful lives in the Shire; thus the battles of Middle Earth became a lot more bloody and a whole lot longer.

 "
fanfic  Hobbit  crack  BAMF!Bilbo  author:DancingLassie 
december 2017 by AzureHart
Escalation, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"Inland Revenue? He thought, they are those tax people Uncle Vernon is always complaining about."
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  author:Bobmin 
november 2017 by AzureHart
Zumba, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"Now the tushy, the tushy, the tushy, and why?" Potter asked in a sing song voice.

"Because we want a great tushy!" all the others chanted. "Everyone is going to love our tushy!"
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  author:PadyandMoony 
november 2017 by AzureHart
Snapped - TheRogueHuntress - Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling [Archive of Our Own]
"“Scared Potter?” Malfoy sneered, and Harry snapped. He was done, finished, fed up with playing the innocent little Gryffindor with no common sense and a microscopic amount of intelligence. He rolled his eyes.

“Why yes Malfoy, I’m terrified, can’t you see me quaking in my boots? You, a second year child armed with a stick is the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. Please, please don’t fatally injure me in front of three hundred witnesses and two teachers with your mean words and nasty smiles. Whatever shall I do?” The entire hall fell silent and Malfoy gaped. Harry smirked. Lockhart looked entirely bemused, and he thought Snape might be holding back a laugh.

Harry spent his first year hiding his intelligence and playing the role of the Boy Who Lived. However Lockhart and Malfoys' combined presence finally causes him to snap, and chaos ensues from there."
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  humor  author:TheRogueHuntress 
march 2017 by AzureHart
A Not So Story - The Fourth Champion Chapter 1, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"It was Halloween night; the night the Champions names would be selected for the Triwizard Tournament. Even though the three of them arrived very early for supper, everybody else had the same idea. Ron, Harry and Hermione were relegated to some seats about as far away from the Goblet of Fire as was possible and still be in the Great Hall. Ginny waved to them from her place further forward but gave up her seat to come back and sit between Harry and Hermione."
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  author:Captain_Compass  Harry_Hermione_Ginny 
december 2016 by AzureHart
A Not So Story - Sirius Catches Up, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"The tide washed the naked scrawny person onto a rock-strewn beach somewhere along the border of Scotland and England. Sirius Black - escapee, Marauder, holder of the Hogwarts record for most Witches surprised in their showers, was cold, physically exhausted and mentally unbalanced. The cold stones of the beach were relatively warm after the frigid waters of the North Sea. Sirius crawled to a place out of the wind and promptly fell asleep. It was near the small town of Little Stinkington-Near-The-Swamp."
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  author:Captain_Compass 
december 2016 by AzureHart
elayna | FIC: Danny and the Toon (1/1)
""When are you going to get it through your thick skull that you are not a hero, you're just drawn that way?" Danny yelled at the toon, incensed that he'd once again plunged into the midst of a gun battle and helped take down a killer with little regard for his own safety. "The Navy SEAL cartoons are over! You're retired!""
fanfic  H50  AU  crack  toons  Steve_Danny  author:Elayna 
october 2016 by AzureHart
Harry Potter and the Wonderful Wood Chipper, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"Harry has a wood chipper! A new way of destroying horcruxes and dealing with the Dark Lord and gits! . Multiple bashings, H/Hr ship. Crack!Fic, One Shot, Complete. Violence, touch of gore, but no more than a driver's education film or the evening news. A total and utter waste of time. I'd read something else if I were you. Non-epilogue compliant, no spoilers, AU."
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  Harry_Hermione  author:twistyguru 
october 2016 by AzureHart
Leader Of The Free World - copperbadge - Marvel [Archive of Our Own]
"Clint Barton's presidential campaign started as a joke. It didn't end that way, except for Steve."
fanfic  Avengers  crack  politics  author:copperbadge 
april 2016 by AzureHart
Hiding in Plain Sight, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"The summer prior to 6th year Harry deals with Tom in a decisive, if accidental manner. That summer Harry gets a girl friend in Susan Bones, and sets about some self improvement. It is after this change to himself he discovers something a bit disturbing about the Wizarding World, something that Hermione Granger is determined to use to her advantage."
fanfic  HarryPotter  humor  crack  Harry_Susan  ClarkKent  author:Clell65619 
june 2015 by AzureHart
The Minion Verse - Merideath - Captain America (Movies), Thor (Movies), Despicable Me (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]
"Chaos is small, yellow, and wears goggles.

The one where the Minions watch too many 80s romantic comedies and Steve Rogers gets a date."
fanfic  crossover  Avengers  DispicibleMe  Minions  Steve_Darcy  crack  humor  author:Merideath 
june 2015 by AzureHart
Grand Theft Octo - Cattraine - Hawaii Five-0 (2010) [Archive of Our Own]
"Summary: Danny is no cephalopod expert, but he’s pretty sure regular octopi don’t hang around the docks getting drunk from stolen beer."
fanfic  AU  supernatural  crack  octo!Steve  author:cattraine 
june 2015 by AzureHart
The Chamber Strike, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"By this point, Harry was twenty three and living in sin with Draco Malfoy and Susan Bones, who had changed her name to 'Sunburst'. Strangely, Harry, Draco and Sunburst were of the few who had not joined the Order of Nargle. Harry told the courts that he loved both Snape and Argus equally, and couldn't they all just get along?"
fanfic  HarryPotter  humor  crack  author:evansentranced 
march 2015 by AzureHart
Allure Immune Harry, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"Harry had no idea why the boys in the Great Hall drooled over themselves as the students from Beuxbatons made their entrance, but he knew better than to let an opportunity slip. He hurriedly stole Ron's sandwich. It tasted gloriously."
fanfic  HarryPotter  humor  crack  Harry_Fleur  author:Racke 
february 2015 by AzureHart
What To Expect - alkjira - The Hobbit - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]
"The tags pretty much says it all, but this is the cracky story about Bilbo and Thorin and their kids. And other stuff. Like hamsters."
author:alkjira  mpreg  fanfic  Hobbit  Thorin_Bilbo  slash  humor  crack  series 
february 2015 by AzureHart
Obliviate is Never Enough, a Buffy: The Vampire Slayer + Harry Potter Crossover fanfic | FanFiction
Harry has another Vision. It's missing naked women, so he knows it's for real. They immediately go find a pub.

Pub turns out to have a secret passage. Probably for Dumbledore's midnight trysts. They use it to reach the Résistance. Neville's taken levels in Badass. Why Ginny hasn't jumped him instead of Harry, nobody knows.

Avengers assemble. Voldemort realizes his soul is being eaten away, and it's because of his dead-end job. Harry goes after the ring crown in Ravenclaw. Gollum Crabbe dies in the fires of Mount Doom a pile of junk in the Room of Requirement. Everyone else flies to safety.

Voldemort kills Snape. Snape bequeaths his last will and testament to Harry, regretting that he didn't have time to poison the paper. Harry pulls a Jesus Christ Neo and wipes out Agent Smith Voldemort.

Also, Ron's mother goes psycho on Bella, and Neville advances to Level 75, becomes a Death Knight, and swears to end all snake-kind under the auspices of Saint Patrick, who really hated them mother-fucking snakes on his mother-fucking plain.
fanfic  crossover  BtVS  HP  Xander_Dawn  Scoobie!Parents  crack  author:joshlamont 
february 2015 by AzureHart
He's Not Dead Yet Chapter 1: Something Completely Different, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"When Harry offered himself up to Voldemort, he discovered the people in the Ministry of Death are not happy with him at all. To make up for his years of blunders, Harry is sent back in time to correct everything that went wrong and to get some revenge. Harry/6 girls, Bashing of Dumbledore, Snape, and certain Weasleys. Written for humor only. Do not take seriously. "
fanfic  HarryPotter  Harry_Harem  timetravel  humor  crack  author:Redbayly 
february 2015 by AzureHart
A Bad Week at the Wizengamot Chapter 1: A Bad Week, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"What would have happened if Harry had been convicted by the Wizengamot after defending himself from dementors before his fifth year at Hogwarts? Humorous! Followup stories on Sirius Black plus Cornelius Fudge's attempt at becoming a dark lord."
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  humor  author:DisobedienceWriter 
january 2015 by AzureHart
Common Sense - thebratqueen - The Avengers (2012), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe [Archive of Our Own]
"“If he throws one more of those I’m going to have to have lunch with the mayor. I can’t express how much I’d rather be fighting the Doombots.”"
fanfic  Avengers  Bruce_Tony  crack  humor  Clint_Phil  author:thebratqueen 
january 2015 by AzureHart
Never Invade Hogwarts, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"This is a complete and utter spoof and exists purely for amusement. Voldemort invades Hogwarts, and the teachers are taken hostage: confusion, crossdressing, and dancing ensues. one shot."
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  author:lunakatrina 
january 2015 by AzureHart
Oswald the Ottoman Chapter 1: The Birth of Oswald, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"Voldemort never saw this coming! Harry aquires an ottoman...AU, ignores DH and most of HBP for it's own sanity"
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  author:lunakatrina 
january 2015 by AzureHart
Escapologist Harry, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"Harry runs away at age four. After bringing him back, Dumbledore's attempts to keep him at Privet Drive gets progressively more ridiculously extreme with each of his escapes. Animagus!Harry, Crack"
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  author:Racke 
january 2015 by AzureHart
Harry Potter and The Trademark Dispute Chapter 1, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
Voldemort has finally pushed Harry too far. There is only one recourse open to the young hero. He must unleash the most horrifying, the most diabolical weapon in his arsenal. The mind of Hermione Granger.
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  Harry_Hermione  crossover  author:Clell65619 
december 2014 by AzureHart
101 Ways to Kill Ron Weasley Chapter 1: Deaths 1 to 5, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"A little bit of random...

"Damn it Ron, I don't care!" exclaimed Hermione.

"Well you should!"

"Why? Quidditch is the stupidest game ever, and the only reason I go is because I know it's important to Harry...and you."

"YOU LOVE HIM! I KNEW IT! YOU STUPID MUDBLOOD!"

"I hate you! Avada Kedavra!" Hermione shouted, killing the mean idiot.

"Hermione, I've secretly loved you for my entire life. Let's hide Ron's body and go make love!" Harry shouted before exposing his massive 14 inch erection.

"Oh, Harry, I'd love too!" Hermione grabbed Harry's impressive manhood. "You're much bigger than Ron.""
fanfic  HarryPotter  Ron!Bashing  crack 
november 2014 by AzureHart
Oh God Not Again! Chapter 1, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
So maybe everything didn't work out perfectly for Harry. Still, most of his friends survived, he'd gotten married, and was about to become a father. If only he'd have stayed away from the Veil, he wouldn't have had to go back and do everything AGAIN.
fanfic  HarryPotter  AU  crack  timetravel  author:Sarah1281 
june 2014 by AzureHart
All The Dementors of Azkaban, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"Warnings: Alternate Universe. Includes, but is not limited to: Lunacy. Out-of-character-ness. Underage drinking. Irresponsible behavior. Gambling. Cliches. Complete and utter crack. Artistic licence has been taken. Read at your own risk."
fanfic  HarryPotter  humor  crack  author:LifeWriter 
may 2014 by AzureHart
White Lies And Other Misdemeanors, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
Voldemort is naturally fuming by this point. Which might have something to do with the fact that he's losing to a sixteen-year-old boy, a fifteen-year-old girl, and a man wearing purple polka dotted robes. Or that he's just lost McNair, Dolohov, and the youngest Lestrange brother. Or possibly because Nagini has been transfigured into a rubber duck, his throne is now a cake with strawberry icing, and half of his forces are unconscious or have bunny ears.
fanfic  HarryPotter  Harry_Luna  author:Lady_Azar_de_Tmeran  humor  crack 
may 2014 by AzureHart
50 More Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"50 More Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts

Bring copies of the AD&D 'Player's Handbook', 'Monster Manual', 'Dungeon Master's Guide' or other book to class and claim that they are 'alternative reference textbooks'

Insist that were-succubi and were-incubi exist. Claim to know at least one of each. Insinuate strongly that they are fellow students."
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  humor  lists  author:twistyguru 
april 2014 by AzureHart
50 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"TwistyGuru's 50 Things That I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts

Tell the firsties that I am a T-Rex animagus

Tell the firsties that I have special 'animagus sight', and that their form is a duck-billed platypus, tribble, dodo, lungfish or flobberworm

Sell fake potion recipes for magical sexual lubricant

Sell fake potion recipes for Love Potions #1 thorough #8"
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  humor  lists  author:twistyguru 
april 2014 by AzureHart
Harry Potter and the Inevitable Battle Chapter 1, a Harry Potter + Mary Poppins Crossover fanfic | FanFiction
"This is the sequel, and FINAL part—this time I mean it! No, really! —of my previous story "Harry Potter and the Alternative Tournament". You need to read it first to understand this story. I've tried to stay as true as possible to that story, but since I wrote the 'epilogue' into it before I ever thought about this bit, there's a bit of wiggle here and there. Don't waste your time flaming me about that, I'm already aware; what's done is done. "
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  crossover  MaryPoppins  GOF  author:twistyguru  Harry_Oliver 
april 2014 by AzureHart
Harry Potter and the Alternative Tournament Chapter 1, a Harry Potter + Mary Poppins Crossover fanfic | FanFiction
"It's my take on the Goblet of Fire, Mashup Version: Harry's got a new Headmistress and new Professors from another great magical tradition! Harry Potter...meet Mary Poppins!"
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  crossover  MaryPoppins  GOF  author:twistyguru  Harry_Oliver 
april 2014 by AzureHart
Lets do the Time Warp Again Chapter 1: Vengeance is MINE, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"It's so cute," one of the girls cuddled her Basilisk Phoenix crossbreed. "What is it?"

"I've never read of anything like it," Hermione agreed as she cuddled one of the adorable crimes against nature. "What is it Harry?"

"All I'm going to say is that the Basilisk was female and Fawks was lonely," Harry shuddered.

"But . . ."

"ALL I'M GOING TO SAY," Harry shouted out and suppressed his memory of the event . . . and his gag reflex.

The one where the Dursley's get arrested... a LOT.
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  humor  Harry_Harem  author:Rorshach's_Blot 
september 2013 by AzureHart
Agent O Chapter 1: Agent O, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"She's a suave, flying personification of unstoppable demonic fury. But you can call her Mother Owl."
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  author:Rorshach's_Blot 
september 2013 by AzureHart
A Cunning Slytherin Chapter 1: A Cunning Slytherin, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"Daphne Greengrass enacts a cunning plan to deal with her housemates' silly objections to her decision to date Harry Potter."
fanfic  HarryPotter  Harry_Daphne  crack  het  author:Rorshach's_Blot 
september 2013 by AzureHart
Multiverse by Bobmin, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"In short, the differences between universes tended to be minor in the extreme. The other problem deals with numbers. Infinities are a difficult subject and when you're talking about the number of possible universes you suddenly realize that you are dealing with infinities contained within infinities and no amount of aspirin is going to help your headache.

Harry knew this, the CEO of Fate Ltd, a subsidiary of God Incorporated, had explained it all to him when she helped negotiate the deal with the big man himself."
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  Harry_Luna  Harry_Hermione  Hermione_Harry_Luna  author:Bobmin 
november 2012 by AzureHart
Harry Potter and the Champion's Champion Chapter 1 Magical Contracts suck, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
Mr. Weasley sighed in relief. He knew his Mollywobbles would never do such a thing. "Can you think of anything that might have happened to him that would cause…cause his difference? I mean he doesn't seem to be like any of our other children."
fanfic  HarryPotter  Harry_Hermione  humor  crack  author:DriftWood1965 
november 2012 by AzureHart
HP Fandom :: Where your Harry Potter Fan Fiction needs are met
"Hogwarts slept. Well almost all of Hogwarts slept. The house elves were busy arranging things for the next day. Some pets were wondering around Hogwarts as is their nature. Owls circling the castle looking for a midnight snack. And Flitch was making one last round around the school, looking for students past curfew before heading to bed. So in general Hogwarts slept."
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  deathfic 
october 2012 by AzureHart
What a Cliché - Nia_River - Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling [Archive of Our Own]
"Harry, who are these young women?" Dumbledore asked what they were all wondering. "I'm afraid as they are not students, they will have to leave."

"Actually, since I'm the heir and this is my castle, I can invite in whoever I damn well please Dumbles. Secondly, even if that weren't so, according to rule 721-D slash N-12 subsection beta-9 theta boogedy of the Hogwarts Rulebook, bonded partners of an enrolled student have the right to reside within the castle."

"Harry, are you saying you married one of these young women?"

Almost everyone gasped. Gasp! But Ginny shrieked. Eeeeee!

"Harry!" she sobbed. "Say it isn't so, my soul mate. Say none of these is your wife. You know I'm supposed to be the one for you!"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Firstly, it's not 'one' but 'all'. Secondly, it's not 'young women', it's 'hot chicks'. Lastly, they're not my 'wives', they're my 'consorts'. Turns out as a really lordly Lord I can choose between one wife or lots of consorts. At the 'creative encouragement'," and here his eyes glazed a little, "of the Harem, I went with the latter."
fanfic  HarryPotter  crack  humor  author:Nia_River 
september 2012 by AzureHart
Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts Chapter 1: Number 11, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
"Harry heaved his deep melodramatic sigh again. Blaise Zabini snickered. "I know that you sold me out to Voldemort." The entire class froze collectively. Enjoying his moment, Harry tossed his head and managed to produce a tear. "You sold me out Ron, and as punishment… Voldemort gave me to Malfoy as his sex slave."

Several Slytherins lowered their heads, shoulders shaking with barely sustained mirth. Neville fell out of his chair, Hermione made a strangled sounding noise in the back of her throat, and Malfoy simply arched an eyebrow and continued petting Harry. Ron looked positively aghast. "Harry… what?... I wouldn't… no, never… Ferret… but… how… who… no no no… Harry… Why would you… I didn't…"

Draco snickered, taking advantage of the situation and Harry's position to force Harry's head onto his thigh. Harry sighed, rubbing his cheek against the soft fabric of Draco's pants. "It's all right, Ron," Harry said softy. "It's really not such a bad deal. I've nearly forgiven you. It's just… well; I wish you hadn't let him mark you.""
fanfic  HarryPotter  Hermione_Semus  humor  crack  author:Roozette  Harry/Draco 
september 2012 by AzureHart
lazulisong: [star trek] [1/1] [gen crack] With My Tail In the Air
""However," says the alien hastily, because even aliens who live on the far edge of reality can tell when they've pissed the Vulcan off, "We will give his spirit a form. He wishes to be with you."

Spock just stares at them.

From the misty edges of the room, a shape forms.

"Merowowowow," howls Jim, scrambling up Spock's shoulder and staring hatefully around the room. "Hissssssssst."

McCoy covers his eyes. "Jesus fucking wept," he says. "Why is his spirit animal always a cat.""
fanfic  StarTrek!Reboot  crack 
february 2012 by AzureHart
kitsune_tsuki: [Hawaii Five-0] Beyond Good and Evil
"Steve laughs because he's an asshole. An asshole who apparently likes to quilt when he's not running around shooting at things and making them explode for the hell of it. Danny doesn't know how, but this is his life now. "
fanfic  H5O  humor  POV:Danny  crack  crochet  author:kitsune_tsuki 
january 2012 by AzureHart
kitsune_tsuki: [Hawaii Five-0] With Bells On
Sequel to It Could Be This Easy

"Danny rolls his eyes. "Please," he says. "She's the one who gave me the web site address." Grace's favorite stuffed animal had been in the car when Steve happened to it, and while she likes Steve, even Grace has her limits.

The corner of Rachel's mouth twitches like she's trying very hard not to smile, but Danny's known her too long to be fooled. "Our daughter is an evil mastermind in training," he says, not bothering to hide his smile because it's true, and he can't wait to see what she'll do one day. "Don't stifle her.""
fanfic  H5O  humor  POV:Danny  crack  crochet  author:kitsune_tsuki 
january 2012 by AzureHart
sam_storyteller: Trying to Communicate; Torchwood, PG
""Are you telling me," Gwen said, "That we have an alien LOLcat?"

"Makes sense," Owen repeated.

"In what universe does this make sense?"

"Ours," Jack replied."
fanfic  Torchwood  gen  humor  crack  author:sam_storyteller 
january 2012 by AzureHart
deancastiel: fic: The Assumption of the Winchesters (Plus Bobby)
" In which the Winchesters (plus Bobby) ascend into Heaven, Michael the archangel is Chad Michael Murray, John Winchester is BFFs with God, Sam does jello shots with Moses and Noah, Jesus beats Dean in poker, and God wants to know what the hell it is with the Winchesters and space bandits."
fanfic  Supernatural  Dean_Castiel  slash  crack  humor  author:pulaski_casimir 
december 2011 by AzureHart
Duck Takes a Holiday
"That's a duck," Jim announced in a matter-of-fact voice, like that of a child identifying objects on flashcards.

Blair's jaw dropped open. "Oh my gosh, Jim! That sentinel sight of yours is just amazing! Only six feet away and you could tell it was a duck!"

Jim tore his gaze away from their visitor long enough to glare at Blair. "Keep it up and you're going to be picking feathers out of your teeth. Now, you've got thirty seconds to explain before you and Daffy get to see who can fly furthest from the balcony.""
fanfic  TheSentinel  gen  humor  crack  author:IrisWilde 
november 2011 by AzureHart
Shroedinger's Cat Had It Easy - Zinnith - Stargate Atlantis [Archive of Our Own]
"Rodney comes home, drops his briefcase to the floor, falls back against the door, and starts to hyperventilate, chanting, "What have I done, what have I done," under his breath.

Rodney signs up for NaNoWriMo. Hilarity ensues."

Part 17 of the Entangled Particles AU
fanfic  SGA  AU  McShep  crack  EntangledParticles  author:Zinnith 
november 2011 by AzureHart
The 'Check Your Chest Reminder' App, Featuring Hawaii's Finest - perspi - Hawaii Five-0 (2010) [Archive of Our Own]
"After that, every time a suspect tells Chin he checks his chest every month thanks to him, Chin just smiles and says, "Glad to hear it," which never fails to confuse them. But life returns to what passes for normal in Five-O, eventually."
fanfic  H5O  humor  crack  gen  author:perspi 
november 2011 by AzureHart
The Weaved Patterns of Connections - The Saga of Anubis (Or, How Daniel Jackson is Followed By a Kitten)
“I are Goa’uld,” the tiny grey kitten says.

Daniel stares down at it from his seat on the toilet. If there was ever a time for this, it is definitely not now.

“Bow before me, cretin human,” it says. Its voice is high and scratchy, and the words aren’t quite formed right.

Daniel continues to stare."
fanfic  SG1  crack  humor  gen  character:DanielJackson  author:LadyLade 
october 2011 by AzureHart
Mr. Fantastic and Einstein's Wife [A Jump to the Left] - glitterandlube - Stargate Atlantis [Archive of Our Own]
"John didn't become a pilot because of eye problems and Rodney runs the SGC labs where mathy!John works with him and Sam is by turns baffled and entertained when she shows up. And Rodney's all protective and makes Marines who insult John cry and he blew up John's cheating college boyfriend's car and when John and Rodney finally do get married ("wow, his ring is really pretty") their song is White and Nerdy."
fanfic  SGA  AU  McShep  crack  humor  author:glitterandlube 
october 2011 by AzureHart
I Think My Boyfriend's Gay
"Now, this is a serious issue, Jim. What if Harry is gay?"

"Blair? Harry is a sex toy."

"Don't try to confuse the issue with your logic." "
fanfic  slash  TheSentinel  Jim_Blair  humor  crack  author:Scribe 
october 2011 by AzureHart
When John Met Rodney, Crack AU by bethynyc
Ronon's cat, Rodney, was a high-strung marmalade Scottish Fold from a Canadian cattery. Teyla's cat, John, was a street rescue, surprisingly laid back for a former feral cat, though he was rather more territorial than most.
SGA  fanfic  crack  EarthSide  humor  CatJohn  CatRodney  Ronon_Teyla 
october 2011 by AzureHart
tailoredshirt: FIC: sort of like the hilton but without pillow mints (Steve&Danny, PG-13)
"Oh my god," says Danny. "You like it here."

"Well, I mean, it's--"

"No, you like it here!" says Danny. "You want to stay."

Steve is actually blushing now. "It's not how it sounds."

"Then please explain it to me so I get it exactly right!"

"It's just..." Steve sighs. "You know, running the task force, it was great, I love you guys, but there was always this pressure, you know? This pressure to abide by the rules and not shoot people unless they're armed. And here, there are no expectations! If someone disrespects you, you just beat the shit out of them and they never touch you again, you know? There's a kind of freedom in that. I also really enjoy the mashed potatoes."
"
fanfic  H5O  crack  EpisodeRelated  1X24  author:tailoredshirt 
june 2011 by AzureHart
Papa Don't Preach - leupagus, waldorph - Hawaii Five-0 (2010) [Archive of Our Own]
"Chin has been enormously supportive, mostly because he'd been the one who'd had to rush Danny to the hospital and then he'd been in the room and seen the chart and then the fucking sonagram and they'd stared and Danny had absolutely not cried and Chin had said, "I know where to hide the body if you want to kill him. He's got a lot of enemies; totally plausible for one of them to have killed him.""
fanfic  H5O  slash  Steve_Danny  mpreg  crack  author:leupagus  author:waldorph 
may 2011 by AzureHart
Commander Octopus & Detective Starfish 1/2 by cattraine
"He glared across the room at the wall of the aquarium, where a large Pacific octopus was glaring right back, then flinched when the octopus curled the end of a tentacle into a fist-sized coil and shook it at him in an unmistakable warning, while two other arms extended into rude gestures that Chin could only surmise were either the cephalopod version of flipping the man off, or ‘bring it on’.

Chin couldn’t help but notice that the octopus was also clutching a small rosy pink and gold sea star close, despite the little starfish’s violently waving arms."
fanfic  Danny_Steve  H5O  slash  crack  author:cattraine 
may 2011 by AzureHart
Commander Octopus 1/2 by cattraine
"“Goddammit! Stephen! Let go! How the hell do you expect me to help- Gak! Steve, get your damned tentacles out of my pockets!” Danny barks as he struggles valiantly, but is no match for a Steve-sized cephalopod with eight very clingy tentacles.

It looks like he is going to have to resign himself to sitting drenched in the bathtub being held prisoner by a very sulky octopus for the time being. An octopus with no concept whatsoever of personal space. "
fanfic  Danny_Steve  H5O  slash  crack  author:cattraine 
may 2011 by AzureHart
The Inter-Agency Convention From Hell Chapter 1 -- Hawaii Five-0
"“Would you three can it. This is not punishment. It’s an inter-agency -- Hey, they’ve even got some Brits and Canadians-- conference for unorthodox and extremely successful teams in a range of military and law enforcement branches.”

As Steve McGarrett finished speaking, he met the incredulous gazes of his three teammates. Danny Williams, Chin Ho Kelly and Kono Kalakuana exchanged significant looks before Danny asked, “You memorized the information packet, didn’t you?”"
fanfic  H5O  humor  crack  crossover  author:kaitlia777 
february 2011 by AzureHart
kitsune_tsuki: [Hawaii Five-0] Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea
Steve makes a face that says, clear as anything, he thinks Danny's exaggerating. Like Danny didn't just save both of them from a goddamn genetically altered shark that could probably have given Toast a run for his money at hacking.

Because hey, why stop at messing around with its DNA when you can implant computers or whatever the hell else in its brain, and Jesus Christ. He cannot believe Steve didn't think this whole thing smacked of an evil overlord trying to take over the world with his shark army. Navy. Whatthefuckever.
fanfic  HawaiiFive-O  Steve_Danny  H5O  humor  crack  author:kitsune_tsuki 
february 2011 by AzureHart
All the Girls Out On the Stoop by mirabella
"Danny's Veela genes have never been a problem before now. Now? They're a problem."
H5O  Hawaii5-O  fanfic  slash  firsttime  Steve_Danny  crack  author:mirabella 
february 2011 by AzureHart
here_is_away: fic: Hawaii Five-0
"Danny knew it was going to be a bad day when Steve’s brilliant plan of action was to hijack a plane.

The drug runners were flying it. They weren’t very nice men; they’d helpfully maimed two of their own guys before making a sudden getaway that had left Kono behind in the hangar, swearing over being left out. They were also armed to the teeth with guns, knives, and things that looked worryingly explosive. Danny had some ballpoint pens."
fanfic  H50  Steve_Danny  Hawaii5-O  humor  pre-slash  crack  author:augstfalcon 
january 2011 by AzureHart
Horizontal Applications of Vertical Diversions by Anneko
"So... why did you-- what made you-- After all this time--"

"Hips."

"I beg your pardon? I wasn't aware there was anything noticeable about them. If you tell me I have birthing hips, John Sheppard, so help me, I will leave you with balls so blue you coul
au  crack  fanfic  humor  mcshep  sga  slash  author:anneko 
september 2010 by AzureHart
epiphanyx7 | Fic: Aliens Made them... Hula Hoop? John, Rodney, UST
When they finally leave the Omari behind, they all have white participants’ ribbons wound around their right wrists. John also has his pink 8th place ribbon around his left wrist, and Rodney has three ribbons around his left wrist – one black, one gold, a
SGA  fanfic  crack  humor  pre-slash  author:epiphanyx7 
september 2010 by AzureHart
Nine Months by rasah
Meredith McKay Sheppard comes into the world exactly how John had expected Rodney’s daughter to. Screaming. A lot.
SGA  McShep  crack  fanfic  humor  mpreg  author:rasah  **** 
june 2010 by AzureHart
When John Met Rodney, Crack AU
Ronon's cat, Rodney, was a high-strung marmalade Scottish Fold from a Canadian cattery. Teyla's cat, John, was a street rescue, surprisingly laid back for a former feral cat, though he was rather more territorial than most.
SGA  fanfic  crack  EarthSide  humor  CatJohn  CatRodney  Ronon_Teyla 
april 2010 by AzureHart
The Worst Sex Ever by svendra
"What the hell's wrong with this universe? If it's not parasites with glowing eyes, or aliens that can suck the life out of you with their hands it's furry hobbit people that want to shave your head and roast you on a spit!"

Rodney ran around the corner
SGA  humor  crack  McShep 
march 2010 by AzureHart
Rodney McKay's Diary by rageprufrock
Who the fuck am I kidding? He was drooling on her the moment she showed up in her sexy-ass, inappropriate for a woman of "god" outfit.

I can practically hear her sitting on his stupid, weirdly attractive face right now.

…I hope her vagina sprouts tentac
SGA  crack  AU  fanfic  McShep  humor  author:rageprufrock 
february 2010 by AzureHart
Thank you for flying Church of England, by SomeInstant.
"Shut up and give me your shoelaces, Rodney," Sheppard said. He was going to catch a fish. He really, really was. He'd read The Old Man and the Sea in ninth grade, he had a Big Mouth Billy Bass in storage somewhere in California, and he was fucking Air Fo
SGA  humor  gen  crack  team  fanfic  author:someinstant 
february 2010 by AzureHart
Friendly Competition by siegeofangels
Jack held up one finger--wait--to each of them. "This is not a game," he said, and backed away slowly to disappear down a corridor and, probably, stake out personal quarters to establish as a hug-free zone.

They watched him go. "Well," Elizabeth said. "I
fanfic  SGA  gen  humor  crack  team  crossover  tag:Return_II  author:siegeofangels 
february 2010 by AzureHart
A Muppet Fetish isn't a Sign of Good Moral Character by porntestpilot
They let Cadman dial the DHD after a quick rock-paper-scissors tournament, and they all stagger through to the gateroom where Ronon drops the goat on the floor with a loud crash. Chuck sticks his head over the railing and scrunches up his face. Cadman wav
SGA  fanfic  humor  crack  McShep  author:porntestpilot 
january 2010 by AzureHart
porntestpilot: I can't even kill myself properly
Lorne yells really loudly, "I ONLY FUCK PEOPLE YOU ASSHOLE," causing Radek to fall off his chair. Parrish never understands why the Marines are always stopping by his room asking for sex pollen.
SGA  humor  fanfic  Lorne_Parrish  McShep  crack  author:porntestpilot 
january 2010 by AzureHart
Ancient Zombies, Brotherly Love, and Other Strange Tales, by shaenie
"McKay," he says, slowly, voice nearly identical to the one he'd used on Elizabeth in the Puddle Jumper eleven days before. "Incest is taboo to avoid the possibility of mutant babies. Are you planning on having my mutant babies?"

"Uh," Rodney says brilli
SGA  McShep  fanfic  crack  humor  zombies  author:shaenie 
october 2009 by AzureHart
Play the Music, Light the Lights by deltacephei
"You--" he finally managed to gasp, holding onto his knees (and his sanity) for dear life. "You're a Muppet! A Muppet! Jesus, McKay, what did you do now?"

Rodney – fuzzy and cuddly and cute blue little Rodney with his orange hair – looked down at his blu
SGA  crossover  Muppets  fanfic  humor  crack  McShep  Lorne_Parrish  pre-slash  author:deltacephei 
september 2009 by AzureHart
Cake or Death challenge by lavvyan
On P3P-979, the A'ahiina demanded they join the ritual of the Oohuliwalooka. Ronon looked vaguely sick and even Teyla paled, both muttering something about "always dropping it." Rodney shared an alarmed look with Sheppard as they were lead to an open plaz
SGA  crack  fanfic  humor  McShep  author:lavvyan 
august 2009 by AzureHart
Trying to Communicate by sam_storyteller
"And the only time you see cats meaningfully communicating on the internet is..." Jack tapped a few keys on the side of the screen. A webpage appeared. At the top was an image of a cat, wild-eyed, captioned I CAN SEE FOREVER. "So if that's the only way yo
Torchwood  crack  humor  fanfic  **** 
july 2009 by AzureHart
Life Lessons Learned From Aliens by eleveninches
"So you're telling me," he said, standing in the middle of one of the largest and most well-equipped research labs he'd been inside of in two galaxies, "everything in your culture is centered around finding a spouse?"

"Not just a spouse, true love," sa
SGA  fanfic  McShep  firsttime  slash  crack  author:eleveninches  humor 
july 2009 by AzureHart
« earlier      
per page:    204080120160

related tags

****  1X24  au  author:alkjira  author:amlago  author:anneko  author:augstfalcon  author:Bobmin  author:Captain_Compass  author:cattraine  author:Clell65619  author:copperbadge  author:DancingLassie  author:deltacephei  author:DisobedienceWriter  author:DriftWood1965  author:Elayna  author:eleveninches  author:epiphanyx7  author:evansentranced  Author:frk_werewolf  author:glitterandlube  author:IrisWilde  author:joshlamont  author:kaitlia777  author:kitsune_tsuki  author:LadyLade  author:Lady_Azar_de_Tmeran  author:lavvyan  author:leupagus  author:LifeWriter  author:lunakatrina  author:Merideath  author:mirabella  author:mrscakeakajane  author:Nia_River  author:PadyandMoony  author:perspi  author:porntestpilot  author:pulaski_casimir  author:Racke  author:rageprufrock  author:rasah  author:Redbayly  author:Roozette  author:Rorshach's_Blot  author:sam_storyteller  author:Sarah1281  author:Scribe  author:seperis  author:shaenie  author:sheafrotherdon  author:siegeofangels  author:someinstant  Author:suki_blue  author:tailoredshirt  author:tetsurashian  author:thebratqueen  author:TheRogueHuntress  author:Triangulum  author:twistyguru  author:waldorph  author:Zinnith  Avengers  BAMF!Bilbo  Bruce_Tony  Btvs  BtVS  CalvinAndHobbes  CatJohn  CatRodney  character:DanielJackson  ClarkKent  Clint_Phil  cookie!porn  crack  crochet  crossover  Danny_Steve  Dean_Castiel  deathfic  DispicibleMe  DrWho  EarthSide  EntangledParticles  EpisodeRelated  fanfic  firsttime  gen  GOF  H5O  H50  Harry/Draco  Harry/Tom  HarryPotter  Harry_Daphne  Harry_Fleur  Harry_Harem  Harry_Hermione  Harry_Hermione_Ginny  Harry_Luna  Harry_Oliver  Harry_Susan  Hawaii5-O  HawaiiFive-O  Hermione_Harry_Luna  Hermione_Semus  het  Hobbit  HP  humor  Jack_Ianto  Janto  Jim_Blair  list  lists  Lorne_Parrish  MaryPoppins  McKay_Sheppard  mcshep  Minions  mpreg  Muppets  octo!Steve  politics  POV:Danny  pre-slash  ReadLater  recc'dBytheMinons  Ron!Bashing  Ronon_Teyla  Scoobie!Parents  series  SG1  sga  slash  soulmates  Spander  Stargate  Stargate:Atlantis  StarTrek!Reboot  Steve_Danny  Steve_Darcy  Stiles/Peter  supernatural  tag:Return_II  team  TeenWolf  TheSentinel  Thorin_Bilbo  timetravel  toons  Torchwood  Xander_Dawn  zombies 

Copy this bookmark:



description:


tags: