narcissism   1645

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Quillette -- Why We Should Read Nietzsche by Matt McManus
'...My sense is that Nietzsche is best understood as a radical individualist; one who insists passionately that our duty in life is to become what we are. But what kind of person is that? And how can we avoid false paths? I think the deepest clue lies in his profound treatment of resentment, which is well described by Gilles Deleuze in his classic book Nietzsche: "We rediscover the definition of resentment: resentment is a reaction which simultaneously becomes perceptible and ceases to be acted: a formula which defines sickness in general. Nietzsche is not simply saying that resentment is a sickness, but rather that sickness as such is a form or resentment." -- For Nietzsche, much of human action which appears superficially great is actually done for slavish reasons. The weakness we feel at our limitations becomes a hatred for those who present themselves as our betters, and we therefore undertake works to either bring them down or prove our own superiority. This can take myriad forms, from the socialist demand to redistribute wealth to the poor to the nationalist demand that intellectually minded cosmopolitans are corrupting the pure soul of the real people. Sometimes it even takes more vulgar forms, for instance when someone engages in self-aggrandizing acts to draw attention to themselves from the mass of people who dared to ignore them. In some circumstances, resentment can lead to tremendous and terrifying outbursts of energy, which give it the appearance of strength and power. But this is a lie, since buried beneath all such acts is a personal and collective weakness which stifles all efforts to truly overcome its opposition. -- The person driven by resentment may claim to hate the rich or the foreigner and wish them to be destroyed. But they are also dependent on them, since the only way the resentful can feel any real power is by feeling morally superior to what opposes them. The poor need to feel morally superior to the rich to claim they are victims being exploited, as nationalists needs to feel morally superior to the foreigner to feel pride in their collective identity. In this sense, resentment is an impotent force which can wail and brag, but never achieve anything truly for itself. This is left to the truly great person, who lives for himself and his values and cares little enough for the opinions or actions of others.' -- The strong seek strength, the weak seek power. Will to strength.
psychology  victimhood  shame  narcissism  envy  power  revolt  Nietzsche 
3 days ago by adamcrowe
The Mass Psychology of Brexit
Balint’s distinction has an obvious application to Brexit. The Leave camp tended to cling to such objects as the nation, the community, the family and friends but also race: people ‘like us’. The Remain camp sought out the wide open spaces of the global market. At least, that’s how things look at first sight. But in the course of this prolonged, irresponsible experiment in group psychology, a strange inversion occurred. The Leave campaign, originally motivated by security and familiarity, turned into the de facto proponent of risk – as tariffs, trade deals, waiting lines, passports, ancestral obligations and the like were thrown open to renegotiation. Meanwhile the Remain campaign, originally motivated by the exciting horizons of the continent, was drawn back to the comfort of the status quo ante. Each group found its unconscious in the other.
UK  EU  Brexit  politics  England  history  empire  exceptionalism  disaster  MayTheresa  intransigence  failure  narcissism  O'TooleFintan  BalintMichael  Leave  Remain  object-relational  psychology  LRB 
23 days ago by petej
How To Argue (But Not Fight) With A Narcissist - YouTube
Narcissists in Arguments:
1. Narcissist is all about being in control, e.g. tone, stubbornness, closed-minded, ultimatums
2. The narcissist feels "better than thou". There's no way you can present yourself that will change their mind of who you are.
3. They lack empathy, i.e. you share your view, the other tries to understand.
4. Hates the thought that you feel competent within yourself.
5. They have the goal to keep you off balance, i.e. asking questions intended to make you feel foolish.

Solution: Non-Fighting Strategy. Inner centeredness is best.
1. Reflect: "Am I making sense?" Doesn't matter if they don't hear it, it matters if what you're saying makes sense.
2. State your conviction in a plain tone of voice, no persuasion.
3. No need to defend WHEN they will attack; they'll push on the offense.
4. Remain decisive. You don't have to force understanding, you can stand firmly for yourself.
5. Act out your assertiveness, i.e. the "nonetheless" approach.
6. Winning isn't the goal; standing up for your needs is.

The goal is to stick with clean, emotional well-being.
narcissism  videos  conversation 
5 weeks ago by frankmagnotti
Down the Rabbit Hole: The world of estranged parents' forums |
The members of estranged parents' forums claim their children cut them off for no reason, but their own postings say otherwise.
abuse  narcissism  psychology  mental_health 
6 weeks ago by dicewitch
(770) Psychiatrist: Trump Pre-Dementia & Cognitive Decline Getting Worse - YouTube
malignant narcissism
Tim Apple
delusional thinking
lying - Trump Gives Endless Idiotic Speech to Moronic CPAC Crowd
= disturbing
DonaldTrump  Donald  Trump  Dementia  cognitive  decline  Alzheimer  malignant  narcissism  normalisation 
6 weeks ago by asterisk2a
My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. : relationship_advice
She wants a fantasy though. After the engagement, what is the next one? The wedding. The house. The babies. The 40th birthday party. The 5, 10, 15, 20 and especially the 25th wedding anniversary. Add in the first anniversary... oh and the second. And why didn’t you make her birthday more special? Why don’t you take her out more often? You took her to Vietnam once, how are you going to top that? Why don’t you take her on more holidays? You have to create a honeymoon to her liking, what happens when you fail that?... your fiancé is tied to the idea of life. You don’t really matter. She has white picket fence syndrome. What ever man fulfills her idea of perfection is the one she’ll rope into doing that for her for the rest of her life.

Run. You created an intimate, heartfelt experience and she couldn’t see the value in it. She has shown you who she is, and it’s not nice... but trust that intuition. This ugliness is who she really is. Shallow and more worried about her perfection.
relationships  narcissism  reddit 
6 weeks ago by cmananian
Echoism Is the Little-Known Condition that Affects Victims of Narcissistic Abuse - Broadly
it is thought that malignant narcissists tend to be aggressive, antisocial, and egocentric. It made for an upsetting and traumatic childhood. When she saw pain, she fed off it like a vampire.”

Sarah lived in all-consuming fear of her mother. As she grew up, she learned to keep quiet and hide her own desires. Essentially, she didn’t develop a sense of self. Sarah was an echoist. Highly sensitive, compassionate, and emotionally intelligent, echoists are extreme people-pleasers.

People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are exploitative, entitled, and lack empathy, Malkin explains. “They’re so addicted to feeling special that they’ll lie, steal, cheat—whatever it takes to get their needs met, no matter the cost to others.” As a result, emotionally sensitive, empathetic people can become echoists if they are exploited by narcissists in childhood. Malkin places echoism at the far end of the narcissistic spectrum he has developed: echoists have a fear of being needy, special, or selfish.

Narcissistic abuse includes psychological manipulation tactics like shaming, isolation, gaslighting and stonewalling. “One of the experiences that is so corrosive to [echoists’] self-esteem is that you don’t feel like a person,” says Malkin. “You become an echo of this other person.”

“I used to go to... look at myself in the mirror,” says Sarah, “This sounds very odd, it wasn’t a vanity thing— [it was] more like [I] checking I was still there. My sense of self was so weak. I hated any focus of attention on me. I wanted to be invisible.”

“He lacked empathy, was very selfish and critical, always projecting blame onto me. He basically made me feel like nothing I ever did was good enough. So I tried harder and harder to please him.

“[My siblings and I] were hyper alert to people’s emotions, their facial expressions, because we needed to make sure they were happy.”

The Echo Society runs support groups and workshops. Part of the focus is on developing physical, emotional, and psychological boundaries. “It’s areas like self-esteem, assertiveness and growing comfortable with saying ‘no’,” says McCloskey. “We also get into simple things like self-care; they’ve neglected their own self-care because they’ve been looking after the narcissist.”
psychology  narcissism  echoist  echoism  DSM  abuse  parenting 
6 weeks ago by emmacarlson
#893: “I want to leave my husband but I can’t seem to make myself go.” Also, it’s Pledge Drive Week. | Captain Awkward
The gold is in the comments. Especially the part where people pick apart an abuser's story and how it's obviously bullshit.
captainawkward  relationships  abuse  badass  narcissism 
7 weeks ago by cmananian
update: I ghosted my ex, and she’s about to be my new boss — Ask a Manager
It’s not that I’m happy you don’t have a job, LW, I’m just not surprised. Although some of the commenters were way off base and inappropriate, most of us were just warning you straight up that the answer to the question “how do I keep my job” is “you probably can’t.” Telling you the truth is not the same as being toxic.

Even then, you might have been able to keep your job, but you’re still refusing to take ownership of your actions. As far as I can tell from what you wrote here, the limitations were unacceptable just because they existed. Maybe you verbally recognize you did something wrong, but your refusal to accept consequences, even pretty minor ones, is way out of tune. To the point where you seem to have picked up a martyr complex over it. We didn’t lose you your job, LW. Neither did your company or your ex. You quit because you refused to face reasonable consequences for unreasonable actions.

That’s also truth, not toxicity.

Other favorite comments:

"This one is a professional chaos demon – breaking things and then framing himself as the perpetual victim."

"The fact that Sylvia is happily married with children and enjoying a good career instead of rocking back and forth in the corner of some asylum because of what LW did doesn’t mean LW didn’t ruin her life in the short time when he bounced. It means Sylvia is a strong person who probably had an excellent support system and overcame something devastating."

"Amazing. He is completely un-self-aware and is blaming literally every other person in this scenario, from Internet commenters to Sylvia to his potential new co-workers. I think it’s kind of impressive that the administration even agreed to let him stay on provisionally, and then he quit in a tantrum because he considered it “punitive.”"
badass  management  askamanager  narcissism 
7 weeks ago by cmananian
Spiked -- ISIS: the threat is still homegrown by Tim Black
'...Homegrown jihadi terrorists are usually the sons of first-generation Muslim immigrants from the Asian subcontinent, the Middle East and North Africa. But, as Olivier Roy points out, their jihad, such as it is, is directed as much at their parents, for not being true and pure enough Muslims, as it is at the communities in which they grew up. They act against their parents’ beliefs and way of life, not because of them. -- It’s a simple but important point: Islamist terrorism in the West comes from within Western society, not without. It is a nihilistic rejection of Western culture and society, perpetrated, largely, by young men who live much as other young men in the West might. Salman Ramadan Abedi, the Manchester Arena suicide bomber, partied, drank vodka and smoked marijuana. Ohamed Lahouaiej-Bouhlel, who drove a truck through a Bastille Day parade in Nice, boozed, took drugs and enjoyed casual sex with men and women. -- These young men wear sportswear, watch TV and play videogames, take drugs and drink. Yet they simultaneously avow a loathing of this life. And it is a loathing, a self-loathing, that, in a sense, mirrors Western society’s own self-loathing – of consumerism, of materialism, and so on. They don’t become jihadists because they are Muslims, or because their parents might be from Libya or Iraq. Rather, they become jihadists because they loathe their society, and ultimately themselves. -- Islamist terrorism is an act of imaginative self-identification, born of a refusal to identify with the community and society in which you live. Its fuel is not scripture — homegrown jihadi terrorists’ reading rarely extends beyond The Koran for Dummies — but rather a very modern, Western form of narcissism, a desire to be recognised by all as the idealised version of themselves, as a true Muslim, a soldier of Allah. -- And so the foreign fighter, having finally arrived in his fantasy scape in Syria, always posts an image of himself, solitary, heroic, wielding a gun; and so the homegrown jihadi sends a valedictory, self-validating text before the final battle. This is the self they would like to be identified as, recognised and real. -- But it’s not real. Not yet. That only comes in the extreme act of ultimate violence, the performance of radical purification, as author Faisal Devji put it. This is the moment when they martyr themselves, or decapitate someone in front of a camera – the moment when they are consumed by the act of pure religious duty itself. -- And they are our problem. Not Syria’s, or Iraq’s, or even Donald Trump’s.' -- Narcissism is a defense against shame
rkselectiontheory  decadence  faggotry  relativism  narcissism  nihilism  terrorism  conquest  idiocracy 
8 weeks ago by adamcrowe
GloomyCR comments on MIL threw away my pills Update
Taking emotional abuse seriously saves lives. It's never "just" emotional abuse. It's abuse, period. Even if someone has never been violent, if they are comfortable with harming their partner through gaslighting, put-downs, insults, and walking roughshod all over their wants & needs, THEY ARE COMFORTABLE HURTING THEIR PARTNER, which means they may be dangerous.

Don't say, "Well, at least s/he doesn't hit you," or, "It hasn't gotten physical, right?"

Say, "Abuse is abuse and you don't deserve this."

Say, "Leaving can be the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. Let's sit down now and make your safety plan together."

Those two sentences save lives.
abuse  narcissism 
9 weeks ago by cmananian
Revisiting Joyce Maynard's Memoirs, Relationship with Salinger
Rather than consider why Maynard chose to abide by a code of silence, they focused on how her decision to break that silence violated an age-old understanding: Great men, no matter what they’ve done, are a protected class.


At Home in the World is an incredible book. After reading it I was struck by the persistence of the idea that it was not Maynard’s story to tell. The book is about Maynard’s life, not Salinger’s. There’s nothing parasitical about it.

On the other hand, there is much that is parasitical about Salinger’s behavior. Out of loneliness and an obstinate refusal to build a life with anyone he couldn’t control, he sought after women who would submit to his authority because their entire experience of life up until then was that of being parented. What does an adult see in someone barely out of childhood? Someone who can be seduced and manipulated. He damaged a lot of young lives that way.


I also think the fact that men don’t get accused of oversharing should be examined. Men are lauded for their narcissism while women are shamed. Men can also be shamed for roles that women can comfortably hold. If people were permitted to be proud to be themselves and explore their full range of complex humanity without limitation, maybe they would be more balanced and their quirks wouldn’t turn into ingrown, toxic insecurities that negatively affect those around them.
jezebel  abuse  sexism  narcissism 
9 weeks ago by cmananian
The Dangers of Narcissistic Parents | Psychology Today
Most of us can relate, on some level, to ways our parents over-connected or lived through us, as a reflection of them. But when dealing with a narcissistic parent day in and day out throughout one’s childhood, the impact can be devastating.
10 weeks ago by dicewitch

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