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A Perfect Arrangement - KouriArashi - Shadowhunters (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
Looking back on it, Alec is pretty sure that his first mistake is having ever thought for a moment that his betrothal wasn’t going to be a disaster. But there was that moment. That moment when he walked into the courtyard and laid eyes on Magnus Bane for the first time, and in that moment, everything was perfect. It seemed like there was nothing that could go wrong.

Which was probably not why everything then did go wrong, but it sure seemed like it in retrospect.
shadowhunters  fic  alec/magnus  marriage  from instapaper
yesterday by inkjunket
A Church in Doubt by Richard Rex | Articles | First Things
It's interesting to read this kind of thing, which is certainly written with some intelligence and perception, and which also hinges in its perspective on statements like "[i]f, however, the Catholic Church were indeed to abandon or reverse the almost total opposition to divorce that it has maintained across two millennia, then its claim to be the privileged vehicle of divine revelation on moral issues would be, quite simply, shattered."

For divorce, in this kind of thinking, you can also pretty handily substitute women in the clergy, gay marriage, contraception, and so forth. And then I guess I think: Well, pretty much. Maybe you ought to just concede the failure of that privileged-vehicle trip and let the entire institution die a well-deserved death. (Then again, reading this over, it's entirely possible the piece is quietly saying exactly that: "Such a conclusion would definitively explode any pretension to moral authority on the part of the Church. A church which could be so wrong, for so long, on a matter so fundamental to human welfare and happiness could hardly lay claim to decency, let alone infallibility.")
marriage  sexuality  catholicism  via-ayjay  religion  history  first-things  pope  pope-francis  doctrine 
2 days ago by brennen
A Church in Doubt | Richard Rex
Conservative Catholics, however, likewise need to be careful. They may fear that the pope might undermine fundamental doctrine on marriage. But some seem almost to relish the prospect. Contrary to widespread belief, the Church is not infallible in all matters. The Church enjoys, in a very restricted context, a privilege of guidance by the Holy Spirit that protects it against defining what is false in Christian doctrine or morality as a truth to be held by all Christians. It cannot require Catholics to believe what is false, but that does not prevent it from committing countless other kinds of errors. The dreadful revelations of the abuse crisis put that beyond doubt. The definition (and hence limitation) of infallibility is most helpfully seen as a providential dispensation that has allowed the Church to admit its numerous mistakes and crimes in the vast areas of human endeavor not guaranteed by infallibility. The pope may well get what he wants. It may well be that traditional teaching on marriage will be compromised in practice by pastoral concessions that some will see as mere laxism—as was once the case with dueling among old Europe’s bloated nobility. The Church inevitably bends to some degree before the winds of change. But one must not rush to judgment or to despair. [...]

If, after all, marriage is not a divine union of male and female in one flesh, dissolved only by the inevitable dissolution of that flesh in death, then the Catholic Church has, in the name of Christ, needlessly tormented the consciences of untold numbers of the faithful for twenty centuries. If this teaching were to be modified in the name of mercy, then the Church would already have been outdone in mercy not only by most other religions but even by the institutions and impulses of the modern secular state. Such a conclusion would definitively explode any pretension to moral authority on the part of the Church. A church which could be so wrong, for so long, on a matter so fundamental to human welfare and happiness could hardly lay claim to decency, let alone infallibility.
Catholic  church  sexuality  marriage  from instapaper
2 days ago by ayjay
Does the Breakdown of the American Marriage Signal Something More Sinister? []
But, startups aren’t the interesting part of this. The interesting part is, why did I spend so long giving up things I loved to keep working a job I hated? And, we can say options! or big payout! and that was part of it, for sure. I was hoping for the big payout. But it went deeper than that; I believed my worth was connected with how much I produced. I believed that being an engineer made me valuable in a way that being someone’s girlfriend or being a mother wouldn’t. Suffice it to say, I now believe I was deeply misguided, but it’s what I thought. Part of me believed I was “better” than women who were “just” homemakers or moms, and I lost a decade of my life to that belief.

And I’m not the only one. How do we motivate people to do miserable things they don’t want to do? How do we convince people to pour decades of their work into things that are not helping them achieve the goals that would bring them deep happiness? We tell them that they’re better in some non-definable way. We humiliate people who don’t play by the rules, aka, people who don’t earn enough money. Money has become more than just having the means for life; it has become a way of demonstrating your superiority to those around you. This is why people with millions of dollars work their ass off to make millions more; not because they need more things, but because they think twice as much money will make them twice as good. Twice as valuable.

Somehow, people working 70 hour weeks and sacrificing their happiness and personal life for the goals of their employers believe they are free. They believe they are the luckiest people in the USA, because they have the most money, and not because they need the money, but because they feel like having money increases their innate worth. If I was going to rewrite the slogans for the tech industry, I might come up with this:

Slavery is Freedom. Money is Virtue. Suffering is Joy.

And, I think marriage is the canary in the coal mine. Fewer people are getting married than ever before, and there are a bunch of divorces, and etc. I personally don’t really believe in marriage, so I never really had a problem with that, but I think that most Americans do believe in marriage. I think most Americans want to get married, and they don’t want their marriages to end in divorce. This trend toward less productive marriages, I believe, is indicative of a cultural shift where people are less able to get what they want in their personal lives because of the demands of their professional lives. Most of the male engineers I’ve worked with, for instance, tended toward being single because they worked too long to date. And, even if they did date, sometimes they came across as “weird” because they had cultivated a social self that was suited towards being an ideal employee and not an ideal mate.

This trend towards the “self” developing as an “ideal employee” intensifies over your life as work becomes the major social force for a grownup. And, if you think about it, the ideal employee wouldn’t have a personal life. The ideal employee is probably a single, childfree workaholic and *what do you know* that’s exactly the type of person our society is producing more and more of. Ideally, they wouldn’t have too many distracting friends either, hey, check it out — the number of close friends people have is shrinking over time. The decline in marriage is, I believe, both a symptom of this, but also a cause of its acceleration.

While community, and spouses, do tend to cramp down on people’s emotional freedom, a large employer is likely worse for your freedom than either. This is because, often the people making decisions about your wellbeing do not have to interact with you in person. They do not have to witness your sadness, or have any knowledge of your personal goals, so the constraints of exploitation normally imposed by human sentimentality break down. Your employer is free to demand what it wants from you, absent any mitigating checks and balances. So, to maintain the emotional support provided by your company, you are likely to have to work harder at less pleasant tasks than you would to get support from your spouse or community, because bearing witness to your suffering is something your employer will not do.
startupculture  marriage  thefamily  society  worklifebalance  loneliness 
7 days ago by kme
What Happens in Vegas - by sgamadison (Romancing McShep 2018)
The hottest guy on Earth straightened out of his lean and folded his incredibly nice arms over his chest to glare at Rodney. “You don’t remember last night, do you?”

Rodney wiped his mouth and wished he could die. A clammy sweat broke out on his forehead. What in God’s name had he drunk last night? “Um, it might be a little blurry.”

A steel door shut down on the hot guy’s face, even though very little seemed to change in his expression. It was more a hardening of features than anything else. Rodney envied him his self-containment. Everything was there on Rodney’s face for the world to see all the time.

Whatever this guy saw now, he didn’t like it.

“What do you remember?”

“Give me a moment, will you?” Rodney pushed himself back from the toilet. “I’m not my best before coffee.”

A faint smile twitched across the hot guy’s face, almost like an electrical impulse. “So you’ve said.
sga  au  mckay/sheppard  vegas  whoops  marriage  morning-after  goa'uld 
8 days ago by runpunkrun

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