happiness   23549

« earlier    

RT : 🙌These disabled are LOVING ! "Gateway to is embracing the pain you have suff…
beachlife  FeelTheJoy  HAPPINESS  dogs  from twitter_favs
5 days ago by JINHONG
Sunny Moraine on Twitter: "Okay, I actually want to talk about this for a second, regarding millennials and how really goddamn difficult it is for us to make sense of our own age sometimes.… https://t.co/HGOsl9jHI0"
"I strongly suspect that a significant percentage of us are struggling with the fact that many of the benchmarks for different stages of adulthood that we grew up with no longer apply to us, and it’s causing us to feel unmoored."
psychology  society  history  commentary  happiness 
6 days ago by inrgbwetrust
The Real Roots of Midlife Crisis
The dominant story now, of course, is the narrative of midlife crisis. Although the idea of middle age as a distinct time of life dates back to the 19th century (according to Patricia Cohen, the author of In Our Prime: The Invention of Middle Age), the idea of a midlife crisis as such is quite recent, first appearing in 1965, in an article by the late psychologist Elliott Jaques. In 1974, in her best-selling book Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life, Gail Sheehy depicted midlife crisis with the example of a 40-year-old man who

has reached his professional goal but feels depressed and unappreciated. He blames his job or his wife or his physical surroundings for imprisoning him in this rut. Fantasies of breaking out begin to dominate his thoughts. An interesting woman he has met, another field of work, an Elysian part of the country—any or all of these become magnets for his wishes of deliverance. But once these objects of desire become accessible, the picture often begins to reverse itself. The new situation appears to be the dangerous trap from which he longs to take flight by returning to his old home base and the wife and children whose loss suddenly makes them dear.

No wonder many wives stand aghast.

This is not a bad description of how I felt in my 40s. All praise to Sheehy for her insight. Note, however, the element of disapproval that creeps in as “wives stand aghast.” Society stands aghast, too. Almost as soon as it was born, the social narrative of midlife crisis took on connotations of irresponsibility, escapism, self-indulgence, antisocial behavior. Wethington, the Cornell psychologist, found in research she published in 2000 that about a quarter of Americans reported experiencing a midlife crisis, and that many who disclaimed the notion regarded midlife crisis as a lame excuse for behaving immaturely. The term crisis also contributes to the stigma, because it suggests a shock or disruption or loss of control, when the evidence points to something much more like an extended and unpleasant but manageable downturn.

The story of the U-curve, I think, tells an emotionally fairer and more accurate tale. It is a story not of chaos or disruption but of a difficult yet natural transition to a new equilibrium. And I find that when I tell troubled middle-aged people about it, their reaction is one of relief. Just knowing that the phenomenon is common can be therapeutic. Hannes Schwandt, of Princeton, notes what he calls a feedback effect: “Part of your disappointment is driven by the disappointment itself.” If more people understood how common the U-shaped pattern is, they might be less inclined to make the forecasting errors that contribute to disappointment—and also less inclined to judge themselves harshly for feeling disappointed.

“When I give lectures, I say we’re stuck with this,” Andrew Oswald told me, “but at least you know it’s completely normal if you’re feeling low in your 40s.” He adds: “And when you’re low, you blame the wrong things.” People thrash around for explanations, which can lead to attribution errors and bad decisions. And those, of course, can bring on what really is a stereotypical midlife crisis, complete with lurching change and ill-judged behavior. In my late 40s, my own nameless dissatisfaction, like a parasitic wasp searching for a host, fixed upon my career and pestered me with an unbidden and unwelcome but insistent urge to quit my magazine column—today, right now, what was I waiting for? Fortunately my better judgment and my friends stopped me from acting on what would have been a useless and self-destructive whim. Still, in hindsight, I wish I had been forewarned that the U-curve, not my column, was the likely source of my discontent, and that a lot of other people, and possibly also a lot of other primates, were in the same boat.
happiness  wellbeing  well-being 
9 days ago by ernie.bornheimer
1200px-Antonio_Pollaiuolo_003.jpg (1200×1643)
Saint Sabastian experiencing dopamine release in anticipation of entry to heaven.
psychology  physiology  neuroscience  neurology  medicine  happiness  vorfreude 
10 days ago by danny.hope

« earlier    

related tags

2018  2read  about  accessworld  advice  aesthetics  aggregator  aging  ai  alton_brown  alwayson  analytics  anxiety  art  article  artwork  asmr  audio  balance  beachlife  beauty  bestpractices  biography  bot  business  calm  capitalism  career  chatbot  children  choices  christmas  christmasadverts  circadian-rhythym  cities  coaching  commentary  competition  consumerism  control  copperbadge  creativity  csikszentmihalyi  culture  daily  data  datascience  decisions  depression  deviantart  directory  discipline  diy  dogs  education  elite  elitism  envy  evidence  exercise  facebook  fastcompany  feelthejoy  finance  flow  food  fordoug  forevan  friends  friendship  funny  gamification  gender  getrichslowly  getting  gigeconomy  glück  goals  growth  happy  happyallyear  harvard  harvardbiz  hbr  health  history  humans  hustle  ideas  ifttt  inc  indie  infographic  inspirational  instragram  insurance  interesting  introversion-and-extroversion  investing  is  job  jobs  journal  journaling  journalism  konnikova  labor  labour  leadership  learn  learner  learning  life  life_skills  lifehacks  linkedin  list  lists  localnews  london  loneliness  long  longgame  love  machinelearning  management  maria  mariakonnikova  marketing  marriage  meaning  medicine  meditation  men  mentalhealth  microlabor  midlife  mind  mindfulness  mindset  money  monitoring  mood  motivation  neurology  neuroscience  newcastle  newcastlechronicle  newradicals  news  newyorker  nostalgia  of  optimism  overwork  parenting  passion  perfectionism  performative  personalbranding  personaldevelopment  philosophy  photos  physiology  planning  pocket  polls  portal  precarity  predictions  printable  productivity  psychology  purpose  pursuit  quotes  relationship  relationships  research  retirement  retrospectives  rich  ruthwhippman  safety  sainsbury's  sales  science  self-help  serenitynow  shortgame  sleep  socialmedia  socialnetwork  socialnetworking  society  sociology  software  sound  spending  sport  sports  statistics  stories  strategy  stress  study  success  successdaily  surveillance  targets  taylorism  telegram  thankqnfp  thinking  this  time-management  tips  toblog  todo  toreview  tracking  trinitymirror  vorfreude  washingtonpost  wealth  webcomics  weekly-guide  well-being  wellbeing  what  wikipedia_entry  women  work  wow  writing  wrong  your  you’re  zen 

Copy this bookmark: