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Anthony Bourdain and the Power of Telling the Truth | The New Yorker
“Remember when you asked me if I was a feminist, and I was afraid to say yes?” he said, in that growling, companionable voice. “Write this down: I’m a fuckin’ feminist.”
food  books  obituary  gender 
12 hours ago by mookieproof
My (26F) boyfriend (27M) and I went on a road trip. About 5 hours into the drive (using my car), he told me he didn’t have any money to pay for the trip. He doesn’t see why that situation broke any trust I had with him about money. : relationships
Look, women are often socialized to believe it is their job to 'learn to trust' someone who blatantly hasn't earned it...or make a guy feel ok about the fact that he's broken your trust.

You are struggling to trust because he broke your trust. The voice in your head that tells you you can't trust him isn't the voice of a hysterical woman. It's your gut telling you that relying on this guy right now is not safe. And it's 100% correct.

It's not your job to find a way to trust him, to soften this for him or to make him realize why being trustworthy is important in a relationship.

...One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received in relationships is about respect: It's ok to tell someone how to respect you (in fact, this is something people should do more often). But if you find yourself explaining why you want him to respect you, it's time to move on. Some things are unteachable.
relationships  gender  communication 
14 hours ago by cmananian
Imagining a Better Boyhood
To embrace anything feminine, if you’re not biologically female, causes discomfort and confusion, because throughout most of history and in most parts of the world, being a woman has been a disadvantage. Why would a boy, born into all the power of maleness, reach outside his privileged domain? It doesn’t compute...

While society is chipping away at giving girls broader access to life’s possibilities, it isn’t presenting boys with a full continuum of how they can be in the world. To carve out a masculine identity requires whittling away everything that falls outside the norms of boyhood. At the earliest ages, it’s about external signifiers like favorite colors, TV shows, and clothes. But later, the paring knife cuts away intimate friendships, emotional range, and open communication...

There are so few positive variations on what a “real man” can look like, that when the youngest generations show signs of reshaping masculinity, the only word that exists for them is nonconforming. The term highlights that nobody knows what to call these variations on maleness. Instead of understanding that children can resist or challenge traditional masculinity from within the bounds of boyhood, it’s assumed that they’re in a phase, that they need guidance, or that they don’t want to be boys.
children  gender  parenting 
yesterday by iamfantastikate
From a Pediatrician, Lessons for Dads-to-Be - The New York Times
These steps and others can get fathers more engaged and comfortable with their newborns, Dr. Garfield has found, and they may also be crucial to their long-term development. Studies suggest that children who grow up with more involved fathers acquire better language skills. They have higher self-esteem and better grades in school, and they suffer less depression and anxiety. They have lower rates of truancy and are less likely to become teenage parents.
parenting  gender 
2 days ago by ramitsethi
Diary at the Centre of the Earth » Everybody Loves Raymond
The World Cup has begun, and it’s hard to find a single pub which isn’t commandeered by visible groups of Blokes suddenly appearing everywhere. Blokes with a capital ‘B’, with their endless reserved tables in front of TV screens. I spend my life going to classes on gender theory, queer theory, feminist issues and transgender issues, and somehow expect everyone else to be doing the same. So it’s a shock to me that there’s still men like this around today – it’s like finding out that Page 3 of the Sun is still going.

Or perhaps these men are really historians dressing up in tribute to the way men used to be, like the Sealed Knot Society (is there a society for reconstructing Civil War reconstructions? A Sealed Knot Society Society?)

I want to stand on a pub table and shout to these men, ‘But where do you stand on Judith Butler’s theory of gender as performativity?’ (Answer: ‘It’s a bit gassy’)
football  WorldCup  masculinity  gender  humour  dctagged  dc:creator=EdwardsDickon  diary 
3 days ago by petej

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