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Mistakes Were Made: The Epic of Gilgamesh by eag
Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Love, Friendship, Unrequited Love, Falling In Love, Slow Burn, The slowest burn in history, Ancient History, Sumerian Mythology - Freeform, Road Trips, Food, if you know who Shamhat you can probably see where this is going, if you don't that's okay, Nonbinary Character, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, All that is only very lightly referenced I hope and not very graphic, however there is probably a lot of graphic theological heterodoxy and heresy, and I should probably warn you for, Feels, is this a crossover?, I think this might be a crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, 6000 Years of Pining (Good Omens), 6000 Years of Slow Burn (Good Omens), I just found those tags, Good Omens and The Epic of Gilgamesh
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Almost five thousand years ago in ancient Mesopotamia, Aziraphale and Crowley (or rather, Crawley) manage to get themselves mixed up in a series of events that would later be called The Epic of Gilgamesh. To complete his Heaven-sent mission, and civilize a wild man named Enkidu, Aziraphale must escort Crawley on a long journey into the wilderness. And maybe also introduce Crawley to dining out and human food. At the same time, to complete his Hell-sent mission and civilize the same wild man, Crawley has to be escorted by Aziraphale on a long journey into the wilderness. And also maybe to have some strong new feelings that the demon had never had before...

Of course, mistakes were made...

This is for everyone who wanted more adventures of Aziraphale and Crowley throughout time and history, and especially those who want more adventures that cross into mythology.
RATING:NONE  WORDS:15K  CROWLEY/ENKIDU  CUNEIFORMJOKES  HISTORYLESSONS  ANNOTATIONS  ROADTRIP  EPICOFGILGAMESH  BADSEX 
7 weeks ago by thecrepening
The Marriage Benefit - miamadwyn
It's all about the money. [13,365 words]
(THE MARRIAGE BENEFIT
or
How Granger And Snape Buggered The Ministry, The Board Of Governors,
Minerva And The Entire Hogwarts Staff
Whilst Finding True Love)
hp  hermione/snape  miamadwyn  marriage  humour  fakerelationship  futurefic  badsex 
october 2017 by cunningplan
Request: Mary/many, bad porn, noncon voyeurism
Mary discovers the reason her boys are awkward around her; her heaven was the filthiest, porniest thing they'd ever seen. And not even good porn. The amateur, Z-rated, 70's kind.
:spn  fps  pairing:mary/omc(s)  pairing:mary/ofc(s)  badsex  pornstar  voyeur  noncon 
may 2017 by Mayalaen
Request: Sam/Dean, first time, awkward sex
Things are getting a little prickly during their first time having sex. Sammy insists that the man with the bigger cock should be on top - he's more manly, it's only fair. But Dean thinks that they guy with the smaller cock (but still pretty damn big, thank you very much) should get to top, so the bottom doesn't have to take as much.
:spn  fps  pairing:sam/dean  firsttime  badsex 
october 2016 by Mayalaen
REQUEST: Cas/Dean, first times, experimenting, anal
Cas and Dean are teenagers (on the younger end of the spectrum, maybe 13) and are attracted to one another. They start fooling around, and eventually they decide to try anal (author's choice who bottoms). But they're not exactly how sure anal works, so they don't use enough lube and don't prepare the bottom partner, so it ends up being pretty painful for the bottom. Full consent, just awkward and painful first time anal sex please. :)
underage  :spn  fps  pairing:dean/castiel  firsttime  virgin!Dean  virgin!Castiel  experimentation  analsex  fucking  badsex 
august 2016 by Mayalaen
Sam/Dean; bad sex
Can I please have the boys having bad sex? Preferably Dean not being able to get an erection etc.

No curses or supernatural causes please.
pairing:sam/dean  badsex  :spn  impotence 
july 2016 by Mayalaen
Jensen/Jared first-time bad!sex
First times are my kink, but there are so many where it all seems too easy for them, they know what to do etc etc. How about they have no clue? They try but find it all a bit gross and it's painful/uncomfortable. They need a LOT of practice and research to get it right.
!tofill  rps  firsttime  pairing:jared/jensen  badsex  :spn 
july 2016 by Mayalaen
Tipping Point - FowlProse - Captain America (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]
Sometimes you just gotta give him the tip.

(AKA: Steve Rogers is cock hungry in the head, cock shy in the ass, and too proud for a reach around. Bucky Barnes has to game the system to get him to come and achieve the Perfect Afterglow.)

Notes: This is a love song to "Just the Tip" as a smut trope. Because sometimes that's all you need. This is also my cheeky response to the "Steve Rogers' Skinny Ass Couldn't Play Ball But His Super Soldier Ass Takes Cock Like It Was Made For It" trope. A trope which I totally love, no lies. But sometimes it's a little more complicated than that.

This has pretty much no redeeming factor. Sorry.

Tags: Post-CACW possibly, no spoilers though, there is not enough plot for spoilers, spoilers have been carefully kept away from this work by the copious amounts of unrepentant smut, difficulty orgasming, sulky afterglow, uncomfortable sex, Big Dick Barnes, Cock Hungry Rogers, just the tip, Praise Kink, Rimming, underage warning: minors having sex with eachother

+ :D
fic  steve/bucky  captainamerica  porn  kink  badsex 
june 2016 by exclamations
Tipping Point - FowlProse - Captain America (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]
Sometimes you just gotta give him the tip.

(AKA: Steve Rogers is cock hungry in the head, cock shy in the ass, and too proud for a reach around. Bucky Barnes has to game the system to get him to come and achieve the Perfect Afterglow.)

Notes: This is a love song to "Just the Tip" as a smut trope. Because sometimes that's all you need. This is also my cheeky response to the "Steve Rogers' Skinny Ass Couldn't Play Ball But His Super Soldier Ass Takes Cock Like It Was Made For It" trope. A trope which I totally love, no lies. But sometimes it's a little more complicated than that.

This has pretty much no redeeming factor. Sorry.

Tags: Post-CACW possibly, no spoilers though, there is not enough plot for spoilers, spoilers have been carefully kept away from this work by the copious amounts of unrepentant smut, difficulty orgasming, sulky afterglow, uncomfortable sex, Big Dick Barnes, Cock Hungry Rogers, just the tip, Praise Kink, Rimming, underage warning: minors having sex with eachother

+ :D
fic  steve/bucky  captainamerica  porn  kink  badsex 
june 2016 by exclamations
Mutual Admiration - astolat - Person of Interest (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
It was a routine briefing, Harold's voice in his ear murmuring about derivatives and arbitrage and the history of Morgan Stanley, John poking back at him idly between photos, when Shaw broke in on the line and said acerbically, "Don't let me interrupt if you two aren't done flirting yet."
personofinterest  finch/reese  badsex  ***-recommended 
september 2015 by gaealynn
J2 - fisting, size, anal, first time, cuddling
First time fisting, with Jensen on the receiving end. They're taking their time, but it's painful and difficult and too much for Jensen in the end. Would love if afterwards they end up cuddling or it turns tender as they come down from the whole intense experience.

basically a blindfold repost, but I need to see this done!
rps  pairing:jared/jensen  aftercare  bottom!Jensen  badsex  cuddling  fisting  pain  :spn 
july 2015 by Mayalaen
Bottom!J2, Voyeurism, Toys, Fucking Machine
Jared and Jensen are legitimately in love, committed to each other hardcore for the last few months, but there's one huge problem: They're both bottoms. Don't get them wrong, they've totally tried to top each other, but Jared's best on his back and Jensen simply likes cock far too much to become an ass-man. Since the penetrating thing hasn't been working for either of them, sex is usually heavy petting, sixty nineing and frottage, but they really, really want to find another way. They just want to make each other come, watch each other love it, and do it for themselves- no third party involved.

Super bonus points for toys, insanely dirty talk, watching each other masturbate, and eventually finding some way to fuck each other so good, they spend the whole day in bed.
rps  toys  pairing:jared/jensen  bottom!Jared  bottom!Jensen  badsex  frottage  :spn  voyeur  fuckingmachine 
july 2015 by Mayalaen
J2/Misha, D/s
Jared holds Misha down while Jensen slips in a catheter and using it to stop Misha going. They tease him by pressing on his stomach, making him uncomfortable, and fucking him. Bonus for pleading Misha, consent levels up to author.
kink:sub!misha  rps  begging  pairing:jared/jensen  dubcon  noncon  bottom!Misha  catheter  badsex  D/s  manhandling  :spn  dom!Jared  dom!Jensen  top!Jared  top!Jensen  watersports 
june 2015 by Mayalaen
Jensen/Jared - Mpreg, awkward sex
Jared is massive with Jensen's babies and he's very horny. They had been trying for kids for a while and are beyond pleased with the results and Jensen is incredibly turned on by him and wants him just as bad only Jared is too big and Jensen can't find a comfortable way to have sex.
kink:pregnant!jared  kink:pregnant-sex  rps  pairing:jared/jensen  badsex  mpreg  :spn 
june 2015 by Mayalaen
Jared/Jensen - awkward sex
I'd like to see Jared and Jensen trying to have sex in a hammock. :-D Top!Jared.
rps  pairing:jared/jensen  bottom!Jensen  badsex  :spn  top!Jared 
june 2015 by Mayalaen
sshg_exchange: Gift for Windypoint
Summary: It's all about the money.

Original Prompt: Hermione and Severus have made a secretly celibate marriage of convenience to increase their pay rates as Hogwarts Professors. They are forced to publicly behave as a married couple to foil attempts to prove their marriage is a sham.

Author’s Notes: This is where I will thank my betas after the reveal. I also must say that I know I read a reference to Hermione "coming like the Hogwarts Express" elsewhere, but can't recall if it was a single usage (in which case, I fear I must have stolen it) or if it has been used several times (in which case, I'm simply relying on a cliché). Either way, it just seemed to fit so I hope I haven't stomped on any toes by using it.

+ lightly crack-ish, absolutely delightful. :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!
fic  snape/hermione  hp  crack  fake!dating  marriagefic  badsex  het  porn  loveconfessions  favorite 
january 2015 by exclamations
schroedinger's knot
Dear world and assorted fanfic authors:

Would somebody please write a Sterek OmegaVerse fic where Alphas are the majority and Omegas are the minority and, as such, the Alphas compete for the Omegas instead of the other way around? Like, perhaps it’s a mating run where the Omegas are doing the chasing! Or maybe there’s some sort of pageant where the Alphas have to display their prowess at scenting by finding a specific wildflower chosen by their Omega, and must prove their physical capabilities via intense feats of strength.

I JUST REALLY WANT TO SEE DEREK HALE, NERVOUSLY MEASURING OUT INGREDIENTS AND CLOSELY MONITORING THE OVEN TO MAKE SURE HIS SOUFFLE RISES PERFECTLY SO HE CAN PROVE THAT HE WOULD BE A GOOD PROVIDER AS HE FERVENTLY HOPES THAT STILES TAKES NOTICE
derek/stiles  teenwolf  abo  domestic  au  badsex 
december 2014 by cee_m

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