zimaya + humor   746

Reunited - acernor - 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Shen Yuan transmigrates into the body of resident scum villain Shen Qingqiu and starts immediately sucking up to his apprentice- the protagonist- Luo Binghe. But in a masterful stroke of genius, just before he would be forced to push Luo Binghe into the Abyss, Shen Qingqiu fakes his own death and retires to a life of relaxation!

Bye bye, cultivator world drama! Luo Binghe obsession with Shen Qingqiu: avoided! Shen Yuan: out!

Luo Binghe, meanwhile, falls into the Abyss anyway and comes out as the stallion protagonist he was always meant to be- ruthless, conquering, womanizing, and hot as fuck.

Good thing Shen Yuan will never see him again and doesn't have to worry about all that! Yes they will definitely never meet again! Definitely not ever! HahahahahahaHA
fandom:scumvillain  fic  slash  author:acernor  pairing:originalluobinghe/shenqingqiu  dubcon  dirty.talk  [x]MadeThemDoIt  firsttime  humor  rating:nc-17  length:5000-15000 
5 weeks ago by zimaya
How to Get Your Man Off in Six Years or Less - acernor - 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
While Luo Binghe is in the Abyss, Shen Qingqiu is struck by a strange poison that gives him a woman's body. The only solution: orgasm.

Who on earth will be able to help him...?

((Everyone. Well. They'll try.))
fandom:scumvillain  fic  humor  genderswap/sexswap  pairing:luobinghe/shenqingqiu  pairing:liuqingge/shenqingqiu  pairing:misc  het  slash  pegging  sextoys  author:acernor 
5 weeks ago by zimaya
Secret Route Unlocked - Kyogre - 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngshiù
Getting out of an arranged marriage by pretending to date? Check. Thrown into a trial while tied together? Check. Forced to share a room and a bed? Check. Kiss under the influence? Check!

Every tired, cliche romance trope possible as applied to liushen.
feat. Luo Binghe's journey through unrequited feelings and making one (1) actual friend
fic  slash  het  rating:pg-13  length:100k+  fandom:scumvillain  pairing:liuqingge/shenqingqiu  fake.relationship  au  angst  humor  oblivious 
5 weeks ago by zimaya
The Pen is Mightier - Shamelesscooper - 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
The thought had been niggling at the back of his mind quite a bit lately. He wasn’t showing Shang Qinghua proper obeisance, was he? They’d grown so comfortable in their roles - Mobei-Jun as Shang Qinghua’s king, and Shang Qinghua as his dutiful servant - that they hadn’t thought to… stop. It was how it had always been. But things were different, now, weren’t they? They’d been different for a long time now. To ignore that wasn’t proper.

That stops now, Mobei-Jun decides. His ancestors would be rolling in their graves to see him ignore the proper rites of courtship - the fact that he and Shang Qinghua were already mated besides. He was not raised to be some kind of country rube, as much as being sequestered so far up north might imply otherwise. Shang Qinghua was his partner, and, with all factors properly calculated, the more powerful of the two. It was only proper that Mobei-Jun display an appropriate level of submission to his better.

--

Mobei-Jun realizes with increasing clarity that he wants to serve Shang Qinghua. Shang Qinghua does NOT pick up on it.
fandom:scumvillain  fic  slash  rating:nc-17  pairing:mobei-jun/shangqinghua  length:15000-35000  fluff  humor  oblivious  foodporn  firsttime  dominate.me! 
6 weeks ago by zimaya
It's Fucking Aliens - tuesday - Venom (Movie 2018)
In which Eddie Brock is a porn star with a loyal following and Venom is still his loving boyfriend.



JackNHoff: So has anyone else noticed The E.D. Cock Report has gotten really ... weird? Like, did he go to film school and specialize in special effects? Is this the glorious, artistic results of us funding his college education?
OrangeYouGlad2CMyBanana: What do you mean?
Ben69ing: HE MEANS THE FUCKING TENTACLES.
fandom:venom  pairing:eddie/venom  fic  slash  author:tuesday  rating:nc-17  length:2000-5000  humor  au  porn  exhibitionism 
6 weeks ago by zimaya
System Fuck Ups, thank you very much - Shireyaki - 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
In which Shen Yuan transmigrates into the post Endless Abyss Scene, into the Endless Abyss, thanks System, fuck you too.
And Luo Binghe finally finds what he's looking for.

((The System drops Shen Yuan in the wrong time/place, and fixes its fuck-up by spontaneously giving (original) Shen Qingqiu a lost-lost twin brother, Shen Yuan.))
fic  slash  fandom:scumvillain  pairing:luobinghe/shenqingqiu  rating:r  length:5000-15000  au  humor  oblivious  cuddling 
7 weeks ago by zimaya
As the Minor Gay Love Rival in Het Novels - Chrysanthemum Garden
There are always four kinds of people in the traditional Mary Sue world. The Male Lead, the Mary Sue female lead, the woman who never wanted to see the female protagonist live a good life, and the infatuated man willing to destroy heaven and earth to get the female lead.

However, with the rapid expansion of the army of rotten women, there is also a growing type of character, and that is a character who is also infatuated with the male lead… A male character, also referred to as the minor gay love rival. They share the same kind of infatuation as the second man, also have a tragic end and work together in hindering the male and female protagonist’s love.

Fan Yuan has walked in every time and space playing the gay man. He had always enjoyed it, until one day, with superb acting, he made the male lead bent. O (╯□╰) o

Fan Yuan (emotional confession): “I do not want to be your brother, in fact I have always loved you.”

Someone (fondly looking back): “Me too.”

Fan Yuan (⊙_⊙): “…”

You’ve got the wrong line, bro!

((Translation is ongoing.))
original.fiction  wip  transmigration  humor  slash 
9 weeks ago by zimaya
an iceberg with your name on it - half_sleeping - 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù [Archive of Our Own]
modern!au where... i think i may have lost my mind? cucumberplane main ship, mo-->shang, bing-->yuan, plus uh. Only having one friend.

-----

“And that,” says Luo Binghe, the light reflecting red into his eyes as he stared at the bedroom across the garden and down a level, where Shen Yuan was sighing and smiling into his boyfriend’s mouth, glasses askew. “That’s where we bury Shang Qinghua’s body.”

“Oi.”

“You can keep him there forever,” says Binghe, as though this is supposed to appeal to him. “You know he’ll never leave you, never reject you, never suck face with anyone else.”

“Are you crying,” says MB.

“Of course I’m crying!” bawls Luo Binghe, beautiful face the picture of misery. “The love of my life is kissing some stupid little gremlin and you won’t even help me murder him!”

((No real resolution to be found, but cracky entertainment all the same!))
fic  slash  humor  crack  fandom:scumvillain  pairing:shenyuan/shangqinghua  pairing:luobinghe/shenqingqiu  pairing:mobei-jun/shangqinghua  highschool!au  au  modern!au  rating:pg-13  length:5000-15000  author:half_sleeping 
10 weeks ago by zimaya
there's nothing wrong with me (loving you, baby) - ToAStranger - Stranger Things (TV 2016)
“Mr. Hargrove,

It has come to HR’s attention that you have, once again, used company property incorrectly. Please refrain from using the break room as a work out facility during your lunch hour. If you are in need a gym recommendation, I'm happy to provide you some. Remove your weights from the lower cabinets at your earliest convenience.

Regards, S. Harrington”

This isn’t the first ridiculous email Steve has had to send to Hargrove, and Steve sincerely doubts it will be his last.
au  fic  slash  fandom:strangerthings  pairing:billy/steve  rating:r  length:2000-5000  humor 
10 weeks ago by zimaya
You Only Live Once...or Twice - WonderWolf - Teen Wolf (TV)
“Anything,” Derek’s eyes are determined, boring into Stiles’.

Stiles huffs a laugh, “Careful there, big guy. Don’t want to be promising anything to every necromancer you meet. Some might ask for your soul or someth—”

“I’ll give you my soul to bring her back,” Derek says, his voice steady and strong with resolve, “if that’s what you want.”

Stiles’ mouth gapes open for a moment before his brain kicks into gear and he stutters out, “N-no, I don’t ask for that. I only ask for money.”

(Or the one in which Stiles is a necromancer who needs help stopping a rogue alpha and Derek is the solution, but at what cost?)
au  fic  slash  fandom:teenwolf  rating:nc-17  length:15000-35000  pairing:derek/stiles  angst  humor  pining 
11 weeks ago by zimaya
Dresden Files Kinkmeme Fills - callmearcturus, LuciaZephyr - Dresden Files - Jim Butcher
Catty secretaries, truth spells, #OccultChicago, how to accidentally before a Wyldfae lord, and other tales both silly and serious.

((Ch 1: Wyldfae lord Harry
Ch 2: #OccultChicago, the IRC chat log
Ch 3: Harry loses his voice
Ch 4: Truth spell
Ch 5: Harry as Marcone's secretary
Ch 6: Harry + a hot tub))
fic  slash  fandom:dresdenfiles  pairing:dresden/marcone  au  humor  angst  rating:nc-17  length:15000-35000 
11 weeks ago by zimaya
The Proud and Vigorous Demon's Bride - Sath - 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
When Shen Qingqiu is poisoned yet again, he has to stay behind while Luo Binghe and Liu Qingge set out to retrieve the rare flower that can cure it. But the flower is kept behind a door that can only be opened by one thing… [BEEP].
fandom:scumvillain  fic  humor  [x]MadeThemDoIt  slash  pairing:luobinghe/liuqingge  rating:nc-17  length:2000-5000 
11 weeks ago by zimaya
Tapping the Icebox - Sath, acernor - 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
“Sometimes when Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu make love-” Shang Qinghua thinks of the right way to phrase it, drawing on his extensive experience- “Shen Qingqiu’s heavenly pillar descends to Luo Binghe’s ravine, if you understand me,” he says, moving his eyebrows in a way that is meant to convey deep meaning.

Mobei-Jun does not make an expression of understanding, but he’s watching Shang Qinghua very, very closely.

“Shang Qinghua,” he says. “You want to be inside me?”
fic  slash  fandom:scumvillain  pairing:mobei-jun/shangqinghua  pairing:luobinghe/shenqingqiu  rating:nc-17  length:5000-15000  voyeurism  humor  dirty.talk  author:acernor 
12 weeks ago by zimaya
If It Makes You Happy - Dwarfankylosaur - Dresden Files - Jim Butcher
Written for dresden_kink round 4 for the following challenge:

Marcone hates the thought of Harry being in a relationship with Thomas. Mainly because if he had Harry's attention he'd never let him go. It drives him insane that Thomas just doesn't seem to care that much but Harry seems to love him anyway.

Marcone concocts a plan to make Harry happy--by making sure Thomas makes Harry happy--no matter how much it pains Marcone to do so. If/when that doesn't work there's always the last resort--steal Harry away to do it himself.
fic  slash  fandom:dresdenfiles  pairing:dresden/marcone  rating:pg-13  length:5000-15000  humor  fake.relationship 
august 2019 by zimaya
it's a new craze - attheborder - Good Omens (TV)
CROWLEY: I try not to make a habit of gratitude, but I must give our appreciation to everyone out there who’s been listening and subscribing to The Ineffable Plan.
AZIRAPHALE: Ooh, yes, we’ve become quite popular, haven’t we?
CROWLEY: Yeah, just hit number eight on the advice charts … No advertising at all.
AZIRAPHALE: Mm. How … miraculous.
CROWLEY: … Aziraphale. You did /not/.

***

Crowley and Aziraphale are very possibly the people least qualified, on the entire planet, to start up an advice podcast.

But what else is there to do when the world isn’t ending anytime soon, you’re technically on indefinite sabbatical from your lifelong careers, and you need a plausible excuse to spend more time with your best friend who you’re definitely not, absolutely not, maybe just a little, actually maybe overwhelmingly in love with?
fic  slash  rating:pg-13  fandom:goodomens  pairing:aziraphale/crowley  length:5000-15000  crack  pining  oblivious  fluff  humor  meta 
august 2019 by zimaya
The Parent Snap - follow_the_sun - Thor (Movies)
Bucky Barnes thinks Odin's children got a bad deal, so he engages in a little light kidnapping to give them the happiness they deserve. One day, Hela, Thor, and Loki decide to return the favor.
fic  slash  fandom:avengers  pairing:steve/bucky  rating:r  length:35000-65000  family  kidfic  fix-it  au  time.travel  domestic!fic  humor 
july 2019 by zimaya
Discredit
Excerpts from A.Z. Fell and Co.’s Yelp Page
fic  art  slash  fandom:goodomens  rating:pg  length:<2000  pairing:aziraphale/crowley  fluff  humor 
july 2019 by zimaya
Downfall - idiopathicsmile - Good Omens (TV)
From the kinkmeme: "rape fantasy, Aziraphale might have fantasized a fair amount about Crowley tempting him quite forcefully, with lots of talk about how he'll be tainted, how he'll Fall just like he did so long ago. When they get together post-Apocalypse, Aziraphale shares his fantasies with Crowley and he's happy to indulge them."

Established relationship, feat. consent, negotiation, safewords, and cuddling after.
humor  fluff  fic  slash  dirty.talk  fandom:goodomens  pairing:aziraphale/crowley  rating:nc-17  established.relationship  length:2000-5000  roleplay  dubcon  noncon  cuddling 
july 2019 by zimaya
Make It Till You Fake It - AggressiveWhenStartled - Multifandom
“/Ned/,” Peter said, like a drowning man sighting land. “/Ned/. Captain America and the Winter Soldier are fake dating /right now/ and it is the most painfully awkward and obvious thing I have ever seen, all of us want to die, /Ned/.”
fic  slash  fake.relationship  established.relationship  fandom:avengers  humor  pairing:steve/bucky  rating:nc-17  length:2000-5000 
february 2019 by zimaya
Epic Misunderstanding - rivkat - Smallville
For jackycomelately: something on the aftermath of Doomsday killing Clark; Lex having to step in and help the Justice League when Wonder Woman asks.

((The Justice League is convinced Clark and Lex had secretly been in a relationship, and nothing Lex says after Clark's (apparent) death gets them to stop treating him like a widower.))
fic  slash  firsttime  humor  fandom:smallville  fandom:dcu  pairing:clark/lex  rating:r  length:2000-5000  author:rivkat 
january 2019 by zimaya
you're my cherry pie - Anonymous - Venom (Movie 2018)
The first time Eddie suggests they have sex, Venom is, more than anything else, extremely confused.

((“UH. I MEAN, IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME,” Venom assures him, and is unsure why Eddie groans. “IT'S JUST, IT'D BE LIKE-” Venom gropes for a human analogy. “YOU WANTING TO FUCK A STOPLIGHT. OR - THE COLOR PURPLE.”))
fandom:venom  pairing:eddie/venom  fic  humor  dominate.me!  bondage  firsttime  possessive  rating:nc-17  length:5000-15000 
december 2018 by zimaya
an exceedingly mutually understood and well coordinated time - Prim_the_Amazing - Marvel Cinematic Universe
“What are you two talking about over there,” Steve calls out from the other bed.

“Your dumb ass,” Sam says.

“Bucky Barnes’ true location,” Natasha says.

“Don’t tease him like that,” Sam says.

“I’m going to sleep,” Steve decides.
action/adventure  fic  het  humor  slash  moresome  rating:r  fandom:avengers  length:5000-15000  pairing:steve/bucky  telepathy  au  pairing:misc  alpha/beta/omega!au 
november 2018 by zimaya
Double Blind - smilebackwards - Daredevil (TV)
Matt comes to, flat on his back, with Iron Man and Hawkeye hovering over him. “Oh fuck,” Stark says, less than comfortingly.
fandom:daredevil  fic  gen  slash  rating:pg-13  pairing:matt/foggy  length:2000-5000  fandom:avengers  humor 
november 2018 by zimaya
[so many snacks, so little time] - powerfulsound - Venom (Movie 2018)
“Oh god,” Eddie swears, burying his head in his hands. “I can never suck a dick again.”

“Does it feel good....?” Venom asks, sliding down his body, easy as you please. He shoves Eddie’s pants aside, pushing Eddie’s hips down and staring at his cock. “I shall try and see.”

“TEETH!!!” Eddie yells, trying to get away only to be held down. “MANY MANY TEETH! VERY SHARP!”
fic  pairing:eddie/venom  fandom:venom  rating:nc-17  humor  crack  length:<2000  pwp  slash 
november 2018 by zimaya
wrapped around your finger - arahir - Venom (Movie 2018)
Venom goes about love in every wrong way he knows how. Thank god for late night television.
fandom:venom  fic  slash  pairing:eddie/venom  length:5000-15000  rating:r  fluff  hurt/comfort  humor 
october 2018 by zimaya
Boeuf Mystère - galwednesday - Captain America (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]
“Quick question,” Bucky said.

Steve looked up, but didn’t stop moving passports and stacks of cash into a nondescript blue duffel, his mind busily ticking through logistics. He’d grab the glock taped behind the hidden drawer in the desk on their way out, and they could buy new clothes once they got across the border into neutral territory, so they didn’t need much else, apart from whatever Bucky wanted to bring. One duffle should be enough. “Yeah, honey?”

“What the fuck.”

((Turns out there's some overlap in the career fields of secret agent and restaurant critic.))
au  fandom:captainamerica  pairing:steve/bucky  rating:pg-13  length:<2000  fic  slash  established.relationship  miscommunication  humor  crack 
august 2018 by zimaya
The Romance of Bureaucracy - flawedamythyst - Marvel Cinematic Universe
When Clint submits the wrong form and accidentally tells SHIELD that him and Bucky are engaged, Bucky decides it's a good opportunity to wind Steve up.
fic  slash  fandom:avengers  pairing:clint/bucky  rating:pg-13  length:15000-35000  fake.relationship  pining  oblivious  cuddling  humor 
july 2018 by zimaya
That Spin I'm In - Werelibrarian, poisonivory - Daredevil (TV)
"What does that mean?" Matt asks Strange.

"Well, that depends," Strange says, unfolding his legs and letting his feet touch the floor again. Matt gets the distinct impression Strange is hedging. "Are you currently suffering heartbreak?"

Matt very carefully doesn't think about Elektra. Or Karen. Or Foggy. "Let's leave my personal life out of this."

Strange clears his throat. "Yes, well, that option may no longer be on the table."

Matt really hates magic.
fandom:daredevil  fic  slash  fandom:mcu  pairing:matt/foggy  rating:pg-13  length:5000-15000  pining  oblivious  humor  love.spell 
june 2018 by zimaya
Left Turn at Albuquerque - yodasyoyo - Teen Wolf (TV)
“Oh no!” Stiles yelps, springing back in alarm, and then, once he gets a better look at who he’s just doused, he whines, “Nonononononooooooooo.”

Because he has just thrown coffee over the hottest guy he’s ever seen: Tall, muscular and dressed in what must have been, pre-coffee, a white tank-top, and what are still, coffee stains notwithstanding, excruciatingly tight jeans. The guy has dark hair, piercing eyes and the sort of scruff that Stiles just wants to rub all over himself.
au  fluff  fic  slash  fandom:teenwolf  rating:pg-13  length:5000-15000  pairing:derek/stiles  humor 
june 2018 by zimaya
M is for Murder - rohkeutta - Captain America (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]
I’m pretty low on funds and need to make ends meet this month, Barnes types slowly into a new post three days later. I’m taking commissions for hits in the New York City area.

Will Not Kill: Captain America or other Avengers.
Will partially refund payment if target turns out to be HYDRA.
Will not go to Jersey. No dismemberment or killing children.
Message for negotiations and payment details.
crack  fic  slash  fandom:avengers  pairing:steve/bucky  rating:r  length:2000-5000  humor  fandom:captainamerica 
june 2018 by zimaya
tell me, get my shit together - paperclipbitch - Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)
“I thought we were actively avoiding each other after the Trandosha Shitshow,” Han says.

“We’re actively avoiding each other after the Iridonia Shitshow,” Lando corrects him, “the Trandosha Shitshow is That Which We Do Not Speak Of.”
fic  slash  fandom:starwars  pairing:lando/han  rating:pg-13  length:5000-15000  author:paperclipbitch  humor 
june 2018 by zimaya
From the Cradle to the Grave - jezziejay - Teen Wolf (TV)
It’s not that the sheriff doesn’t like Derek. It’s just that he thinks Stiles could do better.

But Stiles has been an adult for over two years now, so he can make his own choices. Even if they are terrible.

Also, the sheriff doesn’t like Derek.
fic  slash  author:jezziejay  fandom:teenwolf  pairing:derek/stiles  rating:pg-13  length:2000-5000  family  humor 
march 2018 by zimaya
Head of the Class - pir8fancier - Stargate Atlantis
"This is an AU featuring Rodney McKay as a U.C. Berkeley physics professor who absolutely cannot stand the new faculty hire, John Sheppard. Although not intentional, this ended up being very "You've Got Mail"-ish."
fic  slash  fandom:sga  pairing:mckay/sheppard  rating:r  length:15000-35000  humor  au  earthside  miscommunication  author:pir8fancier 
march 2018 by zimaya
A Most Unexpected Object - Astardanced77 - Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
In all his years at the Ministry, Draco has never seen anything like it. Typical that it should turn up in Potter's bin.

Career Choices: Harry: representative to the International Confederation of Wizards; Draco: Deputy head, Magical Maintenance

((For a prompt from the H/D Career Fair))
fandom:harrypotter  pairing:harry/draco  rating:r  length:5000-15000  fic  slash  humor 
march 2018 by zimaya
Clint Barton's Super Secret Snipers' Club - sara_holmes - The Avengers (Marvel)
Clint Barton's Super Secret Snipers' Club. (Invitation and pending mental health evaluation required.)

"When Steve brings Bucky back to the tower for the first time, Clint’s first thought is that Tony Stark’s pride and joy is quickly becoming a less of a very tall and expensive ‘fuck you’ in the faces of investors who don’t believe in self-sustaining energy, and more of a superhero rehabilitation center."
fic  slash  fandom:avengers  pairing:clint/bucky  rating:pg-13  length:65000+  humor  angst 
march 2018 by zimaya
Life of the Party - AggressiveWhenStartled - Marvel Cinematic Universe
/“You know, kids,” Steve heard from the backyard, “one of the most common threats a superhero has to face is inside an active volcano! We’re going to have to work on your evasion skills, so for the next five minutes, the floor is lava!” This was met by a sudden spike in both volume and pitch from the small children as they scrambled onto every raised surface they could find and immediately launched themselves right back off.

“I’ve never seen actual lava in my entire life,” Steve said, vaguely offended.

“You got a superhero impersonator for The Falcon’s niece’s birthday party,” Sam said, incredulous. “The Falcon, who is an actual superhero.”/

This cracked me up. Also, its AO3 tags are super accurate, up to and including "Body Horror," "but like in a funny way." (I would say that's just a small portion of the fic, though, lest I scare someone off.)
fic  slash  fandom:captainamerica  pairing:steve/bucky  rating:nc-17  length:15000-35000  identity.porn  humor  angst  au 
march 2018 by zimaya
Clint Barton’s Super Secret Sniper Club
/Clint Barton's Super Secret Snipers' Club. (Invitation and pending mental health evaluation required.)

"When Steve brings Bucky back to the tower for the first time, Clint’s first thought is that Tony Stark’s pride and joy is quickly becoming a less of a very tall and expensive ‘fuck you’ in the faces of investors who don’t believe in self-sustaining energy, and more of a superhero rehabilitation center."/
pairing:steve/tony  jealousy  fandom:avengers  oblivious  slash  fic  humor  protective  length:65000+  cuddling  angst  rating:pg-13 
february 2018 by zimaya
just in it for the game - grim_lupine - Thor (Movies)
/“It's excellent rehabilitation for my image,” Loki says, widening his eyes. “They love you, and because of that they'll trust me. You wouldn't ruin this for me, would you?”

Thor glares at him.

Loki’s mouth twitches. “Also, it's the funniest thing that's ever happened to me.”/
pairing:thor/loki  fandom:thor  rating:nc-17  length:5000-15000  fic  slash  firsttime  fake.relationship  humor 
november 2017 by zimaya
Witness Him - Barkour - Thor (Movies)
"In space, no one can hear you scream when you walk in on your brother ruining everything."

(Thor/Hulk, post-Ragnarok.)
fic  slash  fandom:thor  pairing:misc  rating:pg-13  humor  crack  length:<2000 
november 2017 by zimaya
There is a Brotherhood - minusoneday - Teen Wolf (TV)
"So far, college has taught Stiles three things:

1) Eight am classes are cruel and unusual and should be avoided at all costs, even if it means having to enroll in something truly hideous instead, like Econ 101.

2) Dorm security is just as tight as Stiles’ orientation leader had promised it would be, and the dude guarding Scott’s dorm in particular does not respond well to bribes.

3) Mrs. McCall clearly had no clue what she was talking about when she’d insisted that Scott and Stiles needed to branch out and room with strangers, so it’s all her fault that Scott ended up with a total dick of a roommate and Stiles got stuck all the way across campus with some guy who has a girlfriend two towns over and is thus never around.


Or, the one where pledge brothers Stiles and Scott start a prank war with Derek Hale's fraternity."
au  fic  slash  college!au  humor  angst  fandom:teenwolf  pairing:derek/stiles  rating:nc-17  length:15000-35000 
november 2017 by zimaya
Silver-Blue - Mithen - DCU - Comicverse
When Clark goes into "Kryptonian heat," Bruce is resigned to doing his duty.
fic  slash  fandom:dcu  pairing:clark/bruce  rating:r  length:2000-5000  author:mithen  heat  firsttime  humor 
august 2017 by zimaya
Welcome to Hale - relenafanel, rlnerdgirl - Teen Wolf (TV)
/“This is Laura Hale calling. I have you booked at Lake Hale from September 16th - 18th, party of 6. I can assure you that our groundskeeper is up to the task. Previous visitors have reviewed his performance as being “suitably creepy” and “watch him, I think he really is a murderer.” Scripts have been sent to the email addresses you provided. We recommend that you keep the details of your murder private, to ensure the impact the events have on the rest of your party. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to contact me. I assure you, your friend won’t know what hit him. Metaphorically, of course. Welcome to Hale.”/

Wherein Stiles fails to be creeped out by 'groundskeeper' Derek because abs and awkward sweetness. And wherein Derek fails to be creepy in the ways he is hired to and manages to find new ways to creep, because he is Derek.
au  author:relenafanel  pairing:derek/stiles  fandom:teenwolf  angst  fic  slash  rating:pg-13  length:15000-35000  humor 
august 2017 by zimaya
You Can R’Lyeh on Me - Quarra, insomnia1999 - Captain America (Movies)
"When the Tesseract sends the Red Skull into space, something else comes through. Something eldritch and dire and – OK, maybe not that dire.

A misunderstanding traps Tentacle God Bucky under the ice with Steve. Can they get past their differences and learn to get along? (Spoilers: Yes, yes they can.)

Now Steve has someone to help him navigate the future and the Avengers will never be the same.

Please note: This story is rated T for violence and language (because even as an Eldritch God Bucky swears a lot.) All tentacle sex is implied, not explicit."

You KNOW Fandom has all the good crack when things that should by all rights BE crack aren't really at all.
au  fic  slash  fandom:avengers  fandom:captainamerica  pairing:steve/bucky  rating:pg-13  length:15000-35000  humor  tentacle.sex  art  telepathy 
june 2017 by zimaya
Slide To Answer - relenafanel - Captain America (Movies)
/"What do I do?” Steve appealed into the phone. “I’m freaking out.”

There was silence on the other end of the line. It lasted so long that Steve pulled the receiver away from his ear and frowned at it. Pay phones were old. Maybe this one wasn’t working despite the obvious dial tone when he picked up.

“Ok,” a stranger’s voice said over the phone. “First acknowledge the fact that you dialed the wrong number, but be quick about it because my cab is a few blocks away from my own plans and I’m about to drop some truth bombs on you.”/
au  author:relenafanel  fic  slash  fandom:captainamerica  pairing:steve/bucky  rating:pg-13  humor  miscommunication  length:5000-15000  meet-cute 
june 2017 by zimaya
[Sleep]Walking After You - relenafanel - Teen Wolf (TV)
"Derek is a sleepwalker who keeps wandering into his downstairs neighbour’s bedroom.

Stiles is pretty sure the hot guy from the park is going to kill him in his sleep. He knows he shouldn’t have been so obvious about objectifying the guy’s really fine ass.

Too bad it turns out Derek is easier to get along with when he's sleeping."
au  author:relenafanel  fandom:teenwolf  pairing:derek/stiles  rating:r  length:35000-65000  pining  oblivious  humor  meet-cute 
june 2017 by zimaya
When We Kiss, Fire - relenafanel - Teen Wolf (TV)
/“If I log one more complaint from you, your account will be suspended and put under official review and I will be fired.”

Well, a little drastic.

“And with my qualifications the only job I’ll be able to get is doing phone sex. Is that what you want, Derek?” Stiles questioned idly.

If silence could be angry, this would be angry silence.

“Would you still call?” Stiles finished, grinning, because now he was so far over the line and it felt so good. ”Still request for me by name?”/
au  humor  pairing:derek/stiles  fic  slash  fandom:teenwolf  length:2000-5000  rating:r  author:relenafanel  phone.sex 
june 2017 by zimaya
Chance only favours the prepared mind - relenafanel - Teen Wolf (TV)
/“What kind of bet did you lose that you have to go out with this?” the guy asked, gesturing to himself.

“First person to flirt with me,” Derek grumbled./
au  author:relenafanel  fic  slash  fandom:teenwolf  pairing:derek/stiles  length:2000-5000  rating:pg  bets  humor 
june 2017 by zimaya
Sometimes love is an obligation to your grandmother - relenafanel - Teen Wolf (TV)
"Derek's grandmother relishes setting her single grandchildren up on Valentine's Day. Only, less 'setting up' and more 'forcing them to run a singles-only scavenger hunt where the prize is love or at least sex'.

Derek never wins. Derek never WANTS TO win."
au  fandom:teenwolf  fic  slash  family  humor  author:relenafanel  pairing:derek/stiles  rating:r  length:5000-15000 
june 2017 by zimaya
Side bitch out of your league - rohkeutta - Captain America (Movies)
/“I tried to call Sam,” Captain America says, bewildered. He’s sprinting like Usain Bolt and doesn’t sound even a little out of breath. Fucker. “Who’re you?”

“Someone who’s watching you live on TV,” Bucky tells him as the tiny patriotic figure on the screen takes the turns like he instructed. Bucky should probably be a lot more freaked out about this, but honestly? After a tour in the Middle East and six years as a nurse in New York, even this isn’t enough to ruffle him. One sees a lot of shit in the ER. “Also, you better hang up now, that thing is behind the next bend.”

“Uh, okay,” Captain America says. “Thanks?”

“Whatever,” Bucky says, disconnects the call and turns the TV off to get ready for his shift./
rating:pg-13  fic  au  humor  slash  fandom:avengers  pairing:steve/bucky  length:2000-5000  meet-cute 
june 2017 by zimaya
Pinboard Blog - Pinboard Acquires Delicious
Oh my god, this day is beautiful.

And the (faux) Latin in the tweet and its replies! (Delicia est pacata!)
https://twitter.com/Pinboard/status/870329907691302912

Clearly not at an unbiased party at this point, but to any new users considering jumping on board the Pinboard train, I've had zero regrets. Maciej has been helpful and respectful to us, I've had no worries about the site disappearing or changing ownership, and the site just WORKS.

eta: And he bought it for $35K! Yahoo paid millions. Kudos, Maciej! Here's to the small-business entrepreneur winning.
pinboard  humor 
june 2017 by zimaya
Casual Encounters - MoreThanSlightly (cadignan) - Captain America (Movies)
/“You have never once been careful in your entire life.” Bucky huffs out a laugh. He looks away. “Maybe I’m offended you didn’t think to ask me.” He says it like a joke, but he can’t bring himself to laugh again.

“Bucky,” Steve says, scandalized. “You’re my friend. I’m not gonna use you to experiment sexually.”/
angst  au  fandom:captainamerica  fic  slash  firsttime  dominate.me!  dirty.talk  rating:nc-17  massage  pining  oblivious  humor  miscommunication  pairing:steve/bucky  length:65000+  masturbation 
june 2017 by zimaya
Whip Crack - Quarra - Captain America (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]
"Tentacle Monster Steve is captured by Hydra. They send in the Winter Soldier with a bull whip to break him, but as far as Steve's concerned the most beautiful creature he's ever seen walked in to his cell and started waving a sexy black tentacle at him. It's love at first sight."

What even am I reading. (But this was adorable in that consentacles trash party way?)
fic  slash  fandom:avengers  fandom:captainamerica  pairing:steve/bucky  rating:nc-17  length:15000-35000  crack  tentacle.sex  humor  hurt/comfort 
april 2017 by zimaya
Were you looking for that story where...?: skaredykat
"This list is just a snapshot of60-odd SGA stories as filed in my brain and how I perceive some of them are often searched for on [LJ comm] sgastoryfinders."

A great list of SGA fic listing not titles, but summaries with the most pertinent parts in bold. (Which makes for an entertaining read in and of itself.) Spoilers possible, but this is an older list, so it's also very possible you've already read it. Awesome for rediscoveries!
fic  slash  fandom:sga  pairing:mckay/sheppard  humor  recs 
april 2017 by zimaya
Mission Accomplished!
The Marines in Atlantis LIKE Sheppard, he's just crazy. Crazy badass, but also just crazy. That's okay, because they can help! Like, if Sheppard is freaking out about maybe being gay for McKay, they can distract him, or at least steal McKay's comforter so that Sheppard has something to snuggle in secret. And then the Marines can have jubilant high-fives, because MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

(I feel like no summary can do these crack-tastic mini-fics justice.)

[Alt AO3 link: http://archiveofourown.org/series/9137 ]
fandom:sga  humor  crack  fic  slash  rating:pg-13  pairing:mckay/sheppard  oblivious  length:5000-15000 
april 2017 by zimaya
Sheriff Knows Best
For the prompt: "the coffee!AU, where John goes to the same coffee shop every day, and there is this very grumpy, quiet barista that always makes him amazing coffee and keep the best pastries for him. And one day the Sheriff learns that Derek is the one to bake them all, so he decides: this will be my son in law, I need a reason to have this man in my family for at least forty to fifty years. Then he matchmakes with no subtility whatsoever, basically offering his only son on a silver plate, Stiles spluttering all the way (but he takes Derek’s number anyway because the guy is just amazingly cute)"
fic  slash  rating:pg  fandom:teenwolf  pairing:derek/stiles  length:2000-5000  fluff  humor  au 
march 2017 by zimaya
Always Near - afrai - Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) [Archive of Our Own]
"Baze is on security detail on a luxury Hutt transport when he meets the worst sex slave in the galaxy. Weirdly, not actually an AU."
fandom:starwars  pairing:baze/chirrut  fic  slash  pining  cuddling  slave!fic  dirty.talk  rating:nc-17  length:5000-15000  humor 
march 2017 by zimaya
Bogarted - HalfFizzbin - Teen Wolf (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
"Alternate Title: "Dick Failwolf, Private Eye."

(Or, Derek's hit with a Film Noir curse, which forces him to narrate his own life in luridly-detailed prose.)"
crack  fandom:teenwolf  fic  slash  pairing:derek/stiles  length:2000-5000  rating:r  author:halffizbin  humor  firsttime 
november 2016 by zimaya
Father Knows Best
"Sheriff Stilinski has finally figured out the cause of the rift between them: his son's gay, and he's effectively cut that line of communication. Being the good father that he is, he tries to make sure Stiles knows that he can tell him /anything,/ especially about Derek Hale. Their wires seem to have gotten crossed somewhere."
author:pookaseraph  fandom:teenwolf  pairing:derek/stiles  fic  slash  humor  miscommunication  rating:pg-13  length:5000-15000  underage 
october 2016 by zimaya
Babies! - rageprufrock - Stargate Atlantis [Archive of Our Own]
In Part 1, Rodney is utterly convinced that John has been knocked up, and he can't be dissuaded by logic or sanity.

In Part 2, John IS knocked up. But fool Rodney once . . .
humor  mpreg  crack  fic  slash  fandom:sga  pairing:mckay/sheppard  rating:nc-17  length:15000-35000  author:rageprufrock 
october 2016 by zimaya
Master Work
Draco Malfoy, determined to prove there's no truth behind his family name ("Bad Faith,") pledges himself to Harry's service in order to honor his life-debt.
Harry has new feelings (in his pants) but is determined not to act on them and abuse Draco's oath, since Draco can't refuse.

(No real dubcon, with an extra helping of 'oblivious.' Oh, Harry.)
fandom:harrypotter  humor  slash  fic  pairing:harry/draco  length:15000-35000  rating:r  dubcon  oblivious 
june 2016 by zimaya
ʻOhana Kupa - sheafrotherdon - Hawaii Five-0
/'Several generations in a place.' A Jersey Thanksgiving, Williams' family style./
pairing:steve/danny  fic  slash  fandom:hawaiifive-0  rating:nc-17  length:5000-15000  family  humor  holiday!fic 
june 2016 by zimaya
Outrageous Flirt
"Draco Malfoy flirts with everyone except Harry, and it has to stop."
fic  futurefic  slash  pining  oblivious  fandom:harrypotter  pairing:harry/draco  rating:r  humor  length:5000-15000  fluff  miscommunication 
may 2016 by zimaya
Easy Does It
/“It just seems like—it should mean something,” Steve said plaintively.

“Well, I guess it does,” Sam said, after a thoughtful moment. “Means you’re not a virgin anymore.”/
author:astolat  fandom:avengers  fandom:captainamerica  fic  slash  pairing:steve/sam  sexpollen  marriage  angst  humor  rating:r  length:5000-15000 
may 2016 by zimaya
Always Glad You Came - aloneintherain - Spider-Man
/Spider-Man is a relatively new, controversial vigilante, and Johnny has a crush the size of the Empire Building. The Four - operating under the assumption that Spidey is an adult - do not approve.



“I just happen to think Spider-Man's cool,” Johnny says, matter-of-factly. “A hero can think another hero is cool without making it weird. I admire his aloofness. And his badass-ness.”

“His aloofness,” Ben repeats, chuckling into his mug of beer. It’s roughly the size of Johnny’s head. “Yeah, sure, I bet that’s all your admire, right?”/
fic  slash  fandom:spiderman  fandom:miscellaneous  fandom:mcu  fluff  rating:pg-13  length:5000-15000  pairing:peter/johnny  hurt/comfort  humor  protective 
april 2016 by zimaya
Toys - astolat - Lucifer (TV)
/“No!” she said immediately.

“You want to fuck me!” he said gleefully.

“No, and also we’re not even having this conversation,” she said in desperation, while her treacherous brain went right on vividly imagining every single minute of banging that smirk off his face so hard—/
het  firsttime  fic  fandom:lucifer  rating:nc-17  length:2000-5000  author:astolat  pegging  pwp  humor 
april 2016 by zimaya
Who Shagged Harry Potter?
"One beautiful sunny Sunday the Slytherins wake up after a raunchy night only to discover a very naked Harry Potter sleeping in their dormitory. Naturally, they ask themselves a logical question: Who the hell shagged him?"
fic  slash  fandom:harrypotter  length:5000-15000  rating:nc-17  humor  pining  pwp  oblivious  alcohol  pairing:harry/draco 
march 2016 by zimaya
Alpha Cat
/“Derek showed him a strange cloth bag he had brought with him. He placed Mar-rhûhn carefully inside the opening and when he hefted the whole thing onto his back it clicked: This was a saddle made for cats to comfortably ride around on their servants! What a marvelous invention!”

In which Derek gets a cat. Or the cat gets Derek, depending on who you ask./
animals  pets  fic  slash  fandom:teenwolf  pairing:derek/stiles  length:5000-15000  rating:pg-13  protective  humor 
october 2015 by zimaya
Put That Hurricane Away
/Then Derek freaking Hale shows up at the end of the aisle, one eyebrow arched at them, and Stiles doesn’t even know why this is happening, because it’s not like she wants Derek to see her in all her gamer-binge glory, either, but she panics and says, “Derek!” and, “Hey, Tommy, it’s Derek!” and, “Hey, Derek, come meet my douchebag ex who cheated on me and called me an un-datable spaz.”

Derek says, “He said what?”

Tommy’s eyes go wide and Stiles says, “Uh, well, maybe not in so many words?” because color-her-surprised but Derek looks pissed. Huh./

Pretty sure the world will never have enough gender-swapped Stiles.
fandom:teenwolf  fic  het  humor  pairing:derek/stiles  rating:pg-13  protective  pining  length:2000-5000  author:skoosiepants  genderswap/sexswap 
august 2015 by zimaya
Say You Will, Say You Won't
/Johnny Storm found him on a Friday afternoon, wearing the kind of beseeching look that filled Peter with dread.

“I need to ask you a favor,” he said.

“No,” Peter said, swinging away.
__
Peter and Johnny get married, really-not-really./
fic  slash  fandom:spiderman  fandom:miscellaneous  rating:pg-13  length:15000-35000  fake.relationship  pining  oblivious  humor  angst 
july 2015 by zimaya
Saving the World (Is Totally a Date)
"Tony discovers Stane's betrayal while he's still being held captive. When he escapes, he sets out to ruin Stane as completely and ruthlessly as he can, playing up his PTSD and quitting his job to destroy Stane quietly from the outside. He also picks up a teaching job-all Pepper's fault-and oh, right, becomes a supervillain. Okay, that one was Tony's fault, but it was totally an accident.

In the meantime, a certain Capsicle is defrosted a year early, and is assigned the task of capturing the notorious Iron Man. It's not going particularly well, if the embarrassingly high number of times he's been kidnapped in the past six months is any indication. When SHIELD decides to help him "adjust" by getting him a teaching job, Steve is skeptical; but then there's Tony, and Steve finds he doesn't mind the 21st century so much after all."
fandom:avengers  au  fic  slash  identity.porn  pining  oblivious  humor  fluff  length:35000-65000  rating:pg-13  pairing:steve/tony 
june 2015 by zimaya
steve rogers: pr disaster
/“Wait,” says Sam, “you had a publicist?”

“For my first five months at S.H.I.E.L.D,” says Steve. “Then she quit. Uh, decisively.”

“Well yeah, she had to keep you in line,” Bucky says with a half-smirk. “How many times did you make that poor lady want to sock you in the face?”

“Lost count,” Steve admits. “I did offer to let her, once. Seemed fair.”

Sam laughs. “I feel like you’re sitting on a story here.”

“There’s no story,” Steve tells him. Sam raises his eyebrows. Bucky’s half-smirk tilts towards a full smirk. “Seriously,” Steve repeats, “no story.”/

Or: "Interlude: The Story of Steve “Walking PR Nightmare” Rogers, and How For a Short While He Single-Handedly Destroyed the Emotional Health of Eva Laura Ortiz, His Now Ex-Publicist"
fic  gen  humor  fandom:avengers  rating:pg-13  length:2000-5000 
may 2015 by zimaya
Gonna Write Me A Classic
"The sexploits that Stiles writes about aren’t autobiographical. There’s never been anything overtly salacious about his own sexlife, nothing that was ever going to be screenplayed for a porno, but he still has a very creative imagination to work with. Usually.

Tragically, and frighteningly, his imagination has gone rogue on him. It’s broken, flatlined, missing.

“I have writer’s cock,” he whines at Scott over the phone.

Or the AU where Stiles writes porn to help him through college and Derek becomes his muse."
pairing:derek/stiles  humor  au  angst  fic  length:5000-15000  rating:nc-17  oblivious  college!au  pining  slash  fandom:teenwolf  porn 
march 2015 by zimaya
Binomial Coefficients
"In which brainy freshman Stiles Stilinski wants star quarterback Derek Hale to join the math team, AKA math nerds in love."
au  author:devildoll  fandom:teenwolf  highschool!au  pining  oblivious  pairing:derek/stiles  rating:pg-13  length:15000-35000  humor 
march 2015 by zimaya
old people love bingo
/ Steve held up a hand. "Where were you during this?" he said, like he was a little afraid of the answer.

"Crawling my god damn way across a floor that hadn't seen a mop since before the smoking ban, trying not to knock over walkers or oxygen tanks, hoping to fuck I could borrow someone's illegal concealed carry firearm, and imagining what the officer was gonna say about the black guy with the gun in a room full of veterans," said Sam./
fic  gen  humor  fandom:avengers  rating:pg-13  length:<2000 
october 2014 by zimaya
Affinity
"The first week after Steve walked out of SHIELD, he went clubbing." And after trying a number of other poor choices, he signs up for a matchmaking service.
au  author:astolat  fandom:avengers  fic  slash  firsttime  rating:nc-17  length:5000-15000  pairing:steve/sam  humor  fluff 
september 2014 by zimaya
What if I Were To
/“I know I said you could pick my next PA, but this is ridiculous.”/

(Pre-serum) mutant!Steve is now Tony's latest PA.
au  fic  slash  rating:pg-13  fandom:avengers  pairing:steve/tony  length:5000-15000  humor  pining  transformation  hurt/comfort  fluff 
september 2014 by zimaya
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