snearch + stimme_innere   2

Why I Left Google — Editor's Picks — Medium
‘It takes courage to grow up and be who you really are.’ — e.e. cummings
It was my fear of failure that made me stay, my fear of what people would think. It was no one’s pressure but my own. And that was the worst kind because it never went away. It was with me from the time I woke up to the time I fell asleep, and sometimes in my dreams too. For years I had a recurring dream that I was being chased, jumping through windows and doors, but never getting further away from my chaser. In real life, I asked myself every day, why am I here? What am I doing? I felt like an impostor in my own life.
Being nowhere forced me to stay silent long enough to hear what I hadn’t wanted to admit: I wasn’t living authentically. When I returned to work, I gave my notice immediately. My explanation of what I was leaving to do (explore some hobbies, work on a few projects, bake more) confused everyone, but they were all fully supportive. Ironically and quite magically, the day I returned (which was also the day I gave notice), an award was sitting on my desk that I had won while I was out: ‘Most Likely To Build A Start Up In The Next 5 Years.’

Fast forward a few months and I’m still constantly bombarded with questions from family, friends, old co-workers and strangers about what life is like now. Sometimes it’s glamorous; most times (like when I’m calculating how much time I have left before I run out of money) it’s not. The truth is that going off the rails into the complete unknown is terrifying and it’s lonely — some days I’m so paralyzed with fear about everything I can hardly do anything, but the other truth is a really important and big one: for the first time in my life, my identity is not 100% tied to my accomplishments, I care less about what people think of me and I spend more time on work that feels right. I am improving my ability to listen to my inner voice and not judge what it wants. I can question myself and answer truthfully.
print!!!  citations  Cummings_E._E.  Profession  Karriere  Weichenstellung  Stimme_innere  Kompass  authentisch_leben 
august 2013 by snearch

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