scorpionvoices + theme:snark   1018

Overturn - serendipitousDescent - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
The wind moves through his dirt-streaked hair as he looks out on a broken village. His life must be quickly coming to a close now, each second bringing him closer and closer to the end he's desired for years. Giving up isn't so difficult when there's nothing left to fight for.

Then Obito tells him he's only one suitable for the job.

And fighting isn't so much a choice as it is something he's flung into head-first, his last decision ripped away from him in its entirety. But if he doesn't have a choice, he might as well try his best now that he's here. [179,762]
fic  an:naruto  c:naru:naruto  c:naru:kakashi  c:naru:sakura  c:naru:sasuke  c:naru:ensemble  theme:timetravel  theme:fixing  theme:angst  theme:friendship  theme:competency!!!  theme:undercover  theme:h/c  theme:love  theme:politics  theme:war  theme:snark  theme:HEA  p:naru:kakashi/naruto  ge:slash  r:pg-13  @ao3  l:novel 
12 days ago by scorpionvoices
Armor - livenudebigfoot - Person of Interest (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
Finch expresses fondness for other people via expensive and expertly tailored gifts. This makes lots of people uncomfortable, but mostly Fusco. [193,421]

[Ahhhhh! This is one of my favorite PoI stories of all time! Finch is way too rich for his own good and Fusco has all this bruised pride and anxiety, and they're both traumatized middle-age dudes with love handles and clicking knees and PTSD and trust issues and they learn to love each other and it's amaaaaaazing!!! Also Fusco and Carter's friendship gives me life, and Reese hovering around the edges like the murder-lizard he is makes me so happy.]
fic  tv:personofinterest  c:poi:fusco  c:poi:finch  c:poi:carter  c:poi:reese  theme:angst  theme:fixing  theme:redemption  theme:seduction  theme:enemiestofriendstolovers  theme:snark  theme:injury  case-file  theme:totherescue!  theme:competency!!!  theme:sacrifice  theme:first-time  theme:h/c  theme:emotionalconstipation  theme:love  theme:HEA  w:torture  p:poi:finch/fusco  ge:slash  ge:drama  ge:action  r:nc-17  @ao3 
december 2018 by scorpionvoices
A New Mode of Living - Perpetual Motion (perpetfic) - Band of Brothers [Archive of Our Own]
After the war, Carwood goes home, gets gifted something larger than a bread box, and comes to realize the promise he made to Ron is one he wants to keep. [150,502]

[To this day one of the best and longest BoB fic I have ever read. True to character, sweet but not schmaltzy, hilarious, and poignant, this will always be one of my very favorites.]
fic  tv:bandofbrothers  post-series  post-war  c:bob:lipton  c:bob:speirs  c:bob:luz  c:bob:toye  c:bob:winters  c:bob:nixon  theme:aftermath  theme:fixing  theme:friendship  theme:friendstolovers  theme:pets  theme:angst  theme:love  theme:foundfamily  theme:secretlovers  theme:illness  theme:PTSD  theme:homophobia  theme:h/c  theme:family  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  theme:HEA  l:novel  p:bob:lipton/speirs  p:bob:nixon/winters  p:bob:luz/toye  ge:slash  ge:drama  ge:fluff  r:r  @ao3 
december 2018 by scorpionvoices
leading to worlds - Rethira - Final Fantasy XII [Archive of Our Own]
“Our sky pirate becomes a soft touch, it seems,” Fran says, with a smile. “Who would have thought it.”

“I’m not the one offering to teach gutter-churls how to read,” Balthier points out, perhaps a touch too loud.

“You’re going to teach us how to read?” Vaan asks, and he’s looking at Balthier as he says it.

“No,” Balthier says, with a shake of his head, “Fran is.” [30771]
fic  g:FFXII  n:characterstudy  n:missingscene  c:ff12:balthier  c:ff12:fran  c:ff12:vaan  c:ff12:penelo  theme:friendship  theme:team!  theme:snark  theme:grief  theme:h/c  theme:first-time  theme:war  theme:sacrifice  theme:HEA  p:ff12:balthier/vaan  ge:slash  ge:drama  ge:action  r:r  @ao3  n:worldbuilding 
november 2018 by scorpionvoices
The Living and Death - pinkevilbob - Critical Role (Web Series) [Archive of Our Own]
Jester, daughter of the goddess of the harvest, finds herself lying low in the land of the dead under the care of the Lord of the Dead, Caleb. [6727]

[THE FREAKING CUTEST! Not my usual pairing (except that rarepairs are my OTP and I would do many ridiculous things for more Hades/Persephone!AUs), but so glad I took a few minutes to read this. SO. CUTE.]
fic  u:criticalrole  web:criticalrole2  au:fusion  u:mythology  c:cr:caleb  c:cr:jester  c:cr:nott  theme:angst  theme:friendship  theme:snark  theme:undercover  theme:h/c  theme:pining  theme:love  trope:marriageofconvenience  theme:firstkiss  theme:HEA  o:adorable  o:hilarious  p:cr:caleb/jester  ge:het  ge:drama  r:pg-13  @ao3 
november 2018 by scorpionvoices
better than rats - celaenos - Critical Role (Web Series) [Archive of Our Own]
“Is it good?” she asks, poking at it dubiously with her own fork. Jester nods, mouth full and Yasha shrugs, taking a small bite. It’s not the best-looking thing she’s ever seen, but it tastes delicious. “Wow,” she breathes. “This is better than rats.”

Jester’s face scrunches up and she squawks at Yasha, indignant. “Chocolate cake is WAY better than rats Yasha.”

“That’s what I said!”

“But… wait, HAVE YOU NEVER HAD CHOCOLATE CAKE BEFORE?” she hollers. [1056]
fic  u:criticalrole  web:criticalrole2  n:episoderelated  c:cr:yasha  c:cr:jester  theme:friendship  theme:sliceoflife  theme:snark  o:sweet  ge:gen  r:pg  @ao3 
october 2018 by scorpionvoices
A Crystal Moment - phoenixyfriend - Voltron: Legendary Defender [Archive of Our Own]
In which Lance tries to take Keith's mind off of his angst by talking shit, Hunk gives the best hugs, and Keith really wants to know why Lance is doing the whole "soft gasp" thing while Keith is holding a Balmera crystal. [5691]

[First one is mostly gen team!fic goodness. Sequel is Hunk/Keith/Lance and is equally adorable and well-characterized. I've tagged for both.]
fic  ca:voltronLD  c:vld:keith  c:vld:shiro  c:vld:pidge  c:vld:hunk  c:vld:lance  c:vld:allura  n:episoderelated  theme:secrets  theme:friendship  theme:cuddling  theme:h/c  theme:bigotry  theme:asexuality  theme:pining  theme:seduction  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  theme:team!  p:vld:hunk/keith/lance  ge:gen  ge:slash  r:pg-13  @ao3 
september 2018 by scorpionvoices
On the Outside (Looking In) - redcigar - Dishonored (Video Game) [Archive of Our Own]
But the Outsider merely smiles his unreadable smile, and reaches into his pocket. Corvo tenses. Pale hands withdraw, and with it, a shiny coin, which the Outsider places into the small plastic bucket that Emily had faithfully decorated with green paper seaweed and glitter-glue, before placing ceremoniously on the café counter next to a flyer she had scrounged up on ocean conservation.

“For the whales,” the Outsider pronounces solemnly. [13204]
fic  g:dishonored  au:modern  au:magicalrealism  au:bakery/coffeeshop  c:dishonored:corvo  c:dishonored:emily  c:dishonored:outsider  theme:clueless  theme:courtship  theme:emotionalconstipation  theme:secrets  theme:snark  theme:kids  theme:firstkiss  o:awesome  p:dishonored:corvo/outsider  ge:drama  ge:slash  r:r  @ao3 
september 2018 by scorpionvoices
Days of Gladiator Love - BossToaster (ChaoticReactions) - Voltron: Legendary Defender [Archive of Our Own]
Turns out, there was a fair bit of merchandising involved with the Gladiator battles, especially with their more famous fighters.

Apparently, this includes romance novels. [3589]

[I CRIED I DIED I AM STILL LAUGHING]
fic  ca:voltronLD  oneshot  c:vld:shiro  c:vld:pidge  c:vld:lance  vld:keith  c:vld:hunk  c:vld:allura  theme:friendship  theme:team!  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  o:LOLZ  ge:gen  r:r  @ao3 
august 2018 by scorpionvoices
Unafraid - buttered_onions - Voltron: Legendary Defender [Archive of Our Own]
Something big is happening at Hogwarts this year; Shiro's really not worried about it. Hufflepuffs aren't known for making history.

Usually. [6911]

[This entire fic is beautiful, warm, and not shy about making sure you know that everything good mentioned is just the calm before the storm.]
fic  ca:voltronLD  au:fusion  b:harrypotter  c:vld:shiro  c:vld:matt  c:vld:allura  c:vld:keith  c:vld:ensemble  theme:domesticity  theme:foundfamily  theme:friendship  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  ge:gen  r:pg  @ao3 
august 2018 by scorpionvoices
Isn't There a White Knight - BossToaster (ChaoticReactions) - Voltron: Legendary Defender [Archive of Our Own]
Kink Meme FIll: "In the first episode, Lance says that Shiro is his hero. But Shiro is still just a guy in his mid twenties, and we've seen him join in on silly stuff ("Blam blam blam!").

So what I want is five times Lance sees Shiro do dorky, ridiculous things, and one time he realizes he'd still follow this dork to Hell and back."

 
C'mon, as if I could pass that up. [7223]
fic  ca:voltronLD  style:fivethings  c:vld:lance  c:vld:shiro  c:vld:keith  c:vld:pidge  c:vld:hunk  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  theme:boysaredorks  o:hilarious  ge:gen  r:pg-13  @ao3 
august 2018 by scorpionvoices
how do you tell a girl you want to kiss her? - theformerone - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
For prompt no. 17 “Would you like to explain to me why you just put a hole in my wall?”

Shikamaru punches a hole through Sakura's wall. She can't really deal with that until she has her morning coffee. [1084]
fic  an:naruto  c:naru:sakura  c:naru:shikamaru  c:naru:chouji  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  theme:pining  theme:dating  o:hilarious  p:naru:sakura/shikamaru  ge:het  r:pg-13  @ao3 
august 2018 by scorpionvoices
Mutua Est - Lady Adain (pocketTherapist) - Bleach [Archive of Our Own]
“Look, moron, everyone knows you two are gone for each other. You stopped watching him like an experiment and started watching him like a puppy almost three years ago. A year and a half ago he started watching you the same way. However, you are the most emotionally blind idiot in the world, and Ichigo wouldn’t know romance if it hit him over the head. Literally." [1415]
fic  an:bleach  post-series  c:bleach:hiyori  c:bleach:utakata  c:bleach:ichigo  c:bleach:shinji  theme:pining  theme:emotionalconstipation  theme:boysaredorks  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  theme:firstkiss  p:bleach:ichigo/urahara  ge:slash  r:pg-13  @ao3 
august 2018 by scorpionvoices
break common laws in twos and threes - jucee - Bleach [Archive of Our Own]
“Are you dying?” Zaraki asks.

“No,” Byakuya replies. “But you might be.” [1656]
“Ugh!” Renji exclaims, then looks even more horrified than before. “I-I’m sorry, Taichou! I didn’t mean ‘ugh’ like... as in... not that Zaraki-taichou is... or you are... I mean, it’s just...”

Byakuya presses his lips into a firm line; he is not going to let the hormones win.

“It’s just... Zaraki-taichou was my previous captain, and now you’re my captain, and it’s like,” Renji’s voice drops to a mortified whisper, “It’s like I have proof that my parents have sex.”

Byakuya waits for Renji to flee his office before he puts his head down on his desk and laughs so hard that the baby kicks him in the ribs.
fic  an:bleach  c:bleach:byakuya  c:bleach:zaraki  theme:establishedrelationship  trope:mpreg  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  theme:kids  n:unusualpairing  p:bleach:byakuya/zaraki  ge:slash  ge:fluff  r:pg-13  @ao3 
august 2018 by scorpionvoices
It Opens Your Chest - LullabyKnell - Howl's Moving Castle - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]
“Howl, for goodness’ sake!” Sophie snapped. “What is it?”

“…I can’t sleep.”

“Yes, I’ve noticed that.”

“Have you? Nothing escapes your wrinkled ears, it seems.” [1607]

[Sophie's magic is always the best magic.]
fic  b:howl'smovingcastle  post-series  c:hmc:howl  c:hmc:sophie  theme:establishedrelationship  theme:aftermath  theme:transformation  theme:h/c  theme:snark  o:adorable  o:hilarity  p:hmc:howl/sophie  ge:fluff  ge:het  r:pg  @ao3 
august 2018 by scorpionvoices
Inappropriate Fear Response - Ramabear (RyMagnatar) - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
They're six days into the mission that should have been a cakewalk. Shisui has a brilliant idea to flush out the bandits hidden on the side of Bear Mountain, although the rest of his team isn't so keen on the 'set fire to the mountainside'. At first.

Uchiha Shisui has a bit more of a lust for fire than your average Konoha ninja, and, Kakashi thinks, a completely inappropriate response to running pell-mell down the side of a burning mountain. Of course he does. He's an Uchiha. They're all mental. [4232]
fic  an:naruto  au:everyonelives  c:naru:shisui  c:naru:kakashi  theme:questing  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  theme:firstkiss  theme:dating  hilarity  n:unusualpairing  p:naru:kakashi/shisui  ge:slash  ge:action  r:pg-13  @ao3 
august 2018 by scorpionvoices
You Don't Pick Just One - phantasmist - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
Kakashi wishes he had listened when he was warned that dating one Uchiha meant dating them all. Obito tries to explain that cousin-pile is just fact of life. [1216]

[Ngl, I cackled.]
fic  an:naruto  au:everyonelives  c:naru:obito  c:naru:kakashi  c:naru:sasuke  c:naru:itachi  c:naru:shunsui  theme:establishedrelationship  theme:family  theme:domesticity  theme:cultureclash  theme:cuddling  theme:snark  hilarity  p:naru:kakashi/obito  ge:slash  ge:fluff  r:pg-13  @ao3  o:adorable 
august 2018 by scorpionvoices
plant your hopes with good seeds - blackkat - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
Sentinel, Genma thinks, and it’s not really a surprise—the Shiranui Clan have always produced about equal numbers of Guides and Sentinels—but…

Guide, something in him whispers, and it’s desperate, grasping, clinging to the beat of the man’s heart. Guide, Guide, Guide, and Genma breathes him in, feels the stirring deep in his soul that tastes of old things and instincts and wants to reach— [3036]
fic  an:naruto  au:fusion  tv:sentinel  c:naru:genma  c:naru:obito  theme:captivity  theme:transformation  theme:totherescue!  theme:snark  theme:h/c  n:unusualpairing  p:naru:genma/obito  genre:slash  ge:drama  r:pg-13  @ao3 
august 2018 by scorpionvoices
Discretion and Restraint - notavodkashot - Bleach [Archive of Our Own]
With Kurosaki Ichigo effectively removed from the picture, after Aizen's defeat, Zaraki Kenpachi has shifted his sights to the next best thing. Abarai Renji wishes more than anything in the world that said “thing” was not Kuchiki Byakuya.

Or at the very least, that Byakuya himself would stop encouraging him. [109,129]

[The one where Zaraki and Byakuya are actually kind of friends and this drives Renji up a wall because SO MUCH PROPERTY-DAMAGE, DAMMIT!! Also, Renji and Shinji are accidental buddies, even though Shinji has this weird thing with Kurotsuchi where Shinji is deadpan and Kurotsichi is ranty and they hang out and "hate" each other.

The character development in this fic is pretty much to die for, is what I'm saying.]
fic  an:bleach  c:bleach:renji  c:bleach:byakuya  c:bleach:zaraki  c:bleach:rukia  c:bleach:kuukaku  c:bleach:yoruichi  c:bleach:shinji  c:bleach:kurotsuchi  c:bleach:zabimaru  c:bleach:isshin  theme:aftermath  theme:emotionalconstipation  theme:shenanigans  theme:injury  theme:h/c  theme:love  theme:first-time  theme:totherescue!  theme:competency!!!  theme:boysaredorks  theme:family  theme:fixing  theme:snark  theme:friendship  theme:frenemies  theme:HEA  p:bleach:byakuya/renji  ge:slash  ge:drama  ge:action  r:pg-13  @ao3 
august 2018 by scorpionvoices
damnatio memoriae - temporalDecay - Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]
“May I walk the estate?” Emhyr repeated, and his nose crinkled in that familiar twitch of displeasure that Geralt had always secretly delighted in causing, despite how downright suicidal it was to invoke it on purpose. “I'm not going to run away,” he added, with a slight glare. “I'm merely bored.”

“Oh,” Geralt said, eloquent. “Ah. Sure?” [12044]

[The one where Emhyr is cursed with amnesia and no one believes he's the emperor except Geralt.]
fic  g:witcher  c:witcher:geralt  c:witcher:emhyr  c:witcher:barnabas-basil  c:witcher:regis  c:witcher:ciri  trope:amnesia  trope:curse  theme:friendship  theme:domesticity  theme:frenemies  theme:snark  theme:competency!!!  hilarity  p:witcher:emhyr/geralt  ge:slash  r:nc-17  @ao3 
august 2018 by scorpionvoices
Two Ninja (in a tree) - ModernArt2012 - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
“This is entirely your fault.”

“Maa, maa, Zabuza, it could technically be your fault. Whose apprentice wanted him to live and conspired to make it so?" [1116]

[Tagged as Kakashi/Zabuza, but can also be interpreted as flirty gen.]
fic  an:naruto  au:justalittledifferent  c:naru:zabuza  c:naru:kakashi  c:naru:haku  c:naru:team7  theme:fix-it  theme:totherescue!  theme:snark  theme:trapped  theme:shenanigans  p:naru:kakashi/zabuza  ge:slash  r:pg-13  l:short  @ao3 
july 2018 by scorpionvoices
The Spaces In-Between - entanglednow - Supernatural [Archive of Our Own]
In which Gabriel always has good ideas. [1864]

[Humorous little PWP one shot by the master of Sam/Gabriel themself.]
fic  tv:supernatural  oneshot  c:spn:sam  c:spn:gabriel  theme:establishedrelationship  theme:snark  humor  k:carsex  p:spn:gabriel/sam  ge:smut  l:short  r:nc-17  @ao3 
july 2018 by scorpionvoices
PRojects IN Controlled Environments, version Sith - Beth Winter (BethWinter) - Star Wars - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]
The overworked project manager on the redesign of the Imperial Lambda-class shuttle gets surprisingly competent feedback from an unknown official on Coruscant. She promptly decides that anyone bored enough to do a technical review of their own free will should be found proper employment for their own good.

Her correspondent has been missing the opportunity to tinker with machinery. It gives him something to do between hunting down rebels. [5192]
Red Ink was best with engines, both hyperspace and conventional, but his interests were wide-ranging. Ketha offloaded the ergonomics reviews on him wholesale, because he was unerring in spotting all issues for both fully-able human troopers and any combination of non-human or impaired that the shuttle might have to transport in the line of duty. When he offered testing ideas, the three days spent smearing grip and panel mockups with red jelly definitely broke up the interface designers' routine. It was almost worth the epic row with the janitor droids.
fic  u:starwars  m:starwarsOT  c:sw:oc  c:sw:anakin  pov:outsider  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  theme:angst  theme:injury  theme:friendship  ge:gen  r:pg  @ao3 
january 2018 by scorpionvoices
Back From the Future: Episode VI The Clone Wars - Ariel_Sojourner - Multifandom [Archive of Our Own]
In which Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader travel back in time together to the Clone Wars era, have amazing adventures, and save the galaxy. [108,295]
Vader asked, (well, screamed really) at Luke once when they were arguing: why?! Why stay, why bother? Anakin Skywalker is alive. Luke can go to him if he wants his precious Jedi father. Doesn’t Luke know by now that Vader is not going to change, he is not going to suddenly un-Fall, or be nice, or be good? This is who and what he is! Can’t Luke see it? If he can, why does he stay?

“Because you are my father, my family,” Luke says, hand reaching out but never actually touching, never actually connecting. "Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.“

It is an old Tatooine proverb. Half hope, half prayer because it is nothing more than a fantasy, a lie people tell themselves in the face of ugly reality. Families get left behind and lost all the time on Tatooine, but the poor people of that wretched dust ball still say such nonsense.

His mother used to say it.

Luke is acting like it could be true.
fic  u:starwars  m:starwarsprequels  ca:clonewars  m:starwarsOT  theme:timetravel  theme:fixing  theme:war  theme:love  theme:family  theme:secrets  theme:undercover  theme:totherescue!  theme:fix-it  theme:aftermath  theme:h/c  theme:grief  theme:growingup  theme:revolution  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  theme:emotionalconstipation  theme:PTSD  theme:kids  theme:HEA  w:characterdeath  p:sw:anakin/padme  p:sw:obiwan/satine  ge:het  ge:action  ge:drama  r:pg-13  @ao3  l:epic 
january 2018 by scorpionvoices
You've Got Mail - Jadesfire - Doctor Strange (2016) [Archive of Our Own]
The trials and tribulations of having mundane mail delivered to the New York sanctum. [3354]
When you lived in a stronghold intended to keep out creatures trying to destroy the world, it was easy to get a little jumpy. Still, Stephen thought that going straight from his study to the front door without using the stairs - or indeed the corridors - was probably something of an overreaction. On the plus side, his ability to move through space without actually moving was improving, and practice made perfect.
On the other side of the door, Ernie was holding a small pile of mail, his smile from the previous week not in evidence.

"Ernie," Stephen said, trying to sound cheerful, and not as though he'd panicked and teleported through his own house at the sound of a knock on the door. "And how are you today?"
fic  u:marvel  m:drstrange  c:strange:strange  c:strange:cloak  c:oc  theme:domesticity  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  ge:gen  r:pg  @ao3  challenge:yuletide2017 
january 2018 by scorpionvoices
The Rich Are Always Respectable - AMarguerite - Temeraire - Naomi Novik [Archive of Our Own]
For the Temeraire Exchange. Tharkay inherits and is forced to become respectable, with mixed results. Featuring more Jane Austen characters than you can shake a parasol at, because the prompt included a request for a ball, and what's a ball without a horde of Bennets in attendance? [7319]
fic  b:hismajesty'sdragon  b:pride&prejudice  c:hmd:tharkay  c:p&p:mr.bennet  c:p&p:jane  c:p&p:elizabeth  c:hmd:laurence  theme:cominghome  theme:cultureclash  theme:sliceoflife  theme:snark  ge:gen  r:g  @ao3 
december 2017 by scorpionvoices
make you laugh - applecrumbledore - Check Please! (Webcomic) [Archive of Our Own]
"Think about it," Holster offers. "I'll be around."

Bitty blurts out, "Do you think I'm cute?" and regrets it when Holster laughs, booming and loud.

"Bits, honestly? I think everyone here would be doing the exact same thing I am if they'd thought of it first." [3376]
fic  co:omgcheckplease  c:omgcp:bitty  c:omgcp:holster  theme:friendship  theme:fuckbuddies  theme:snark  theme:lowselfesteem  theme:shenanigans  o:adorable  p:omgcp:bitty/holster  ge:slash  r:r  @ao3 
may 2017 by scorpionvoices
Right Idea, Wrong Disability - MsBrooklyn - Daredevil (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
"You...you're blind," Steve sputters and he's aware even as he does it that he sounds like an idiot.

"I am," Daredevil agrees with a smirk that says he's enjoying Steve's reaction way too much. "You could also call me visually impaired if you want to be modern and politically correct about it."

"You're *blind*,' Steve says again.

"I think we've established that."

"But you..."

"Fight crime? Look good in spandex? Welcome to the 21st Century, Steve Rogers. Thanks to the Americans With Disabilities Act, even heroes can be differently abled. The bad guys are bound by law to accommodate us." He chuckles as if he can see Steve's face which Steve knows he can't. "I'm kidding but it would be nice, right?" [8755]
fic  u:marvel  tv:daredevil  m:Avengers12  c:dd:matt  c:dd:foggy  c:avengers:steve  c:avengers:clint  c:avengers:ensemble  theme:disability  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  theme:competency!!!  theme:friendship  theme:secrets  ge:gen  r:pg-13  @ao3 
may 2017 by scorpionvoices
Dresden Files Kinkmeme Fills - LuciaZephyr - Dresden Files - Jim Butcher [Archive of Our Own]
Catty secretaries, truth spells, #OccultChicago, how to accidentally become a Wyldfae lord, and other tales both silly and serious. [29,352]

[The secretary au! The one where Harry takes a bath! The one where Harry becomes a Freeholding Lord through the power of pizza and friendship! Ugh, so good.]
fic  b:dresdenfiles  c:dresden:harrydresden  c:dresden:marcone  c:dresden:ensemble  theme:clueless  theme:politics  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  theme:curse  theme:competency!!!  theme:first-time  theme:h/c  w:raperecovery  p:dresden:harry/marcone  ge:gen  ge:slash  ge:drama  ge:fluff  r:nc-17  @ao3 
april 2017 by scorpionvoices
Black Magic Woman - beachkid (binz), binz, shiplizard - Dresden Files - Jim Butcher [Archive of Our Own]
Abracadabra! Alakazam! Make Harry Dresden's drag alter ego APPEAR! (And ruin John Marcone's business meeting.) [5114]
In her stiletto heeled Oxfords she easily topped seven feet, but she couldn't have weighed more than one sixty-- minus what must have been the twenty pounds of sequins that made up her tailcoat and top hat. And her bow tie. And her tuxedo shirt leotard. Her sky high legs were covered in fishnet with glittery spades, clubs, diamonds and hearts worked into the pattern. She had cheekbones you could see from space, large dark eyes, a bright red pout, and a huge mane of chestnut curls.

She was also, impossibly, familiar.

My phone went off. I reached for it, yanking my eyes away from her sashay across the stage.

(is that who it looks like???)

Hendricks despises text speak and excessive punctuation. He must have been even more startled than I was.

(didnt know he could actlly lose 5clck shdw), I responded.

[...]

I watched the stage out of the corner of my eye: the magician wrapped up her lipsynch with a shower of fake snow, and spread her arms wide for the crowd. "Hello, darlings! My name is Devine Copafeel--" of course it was.


[I don't know how I've never managed to bookmark this before; it's one of my favorites, and one of the few Dresden fics out there that is hysterically funny without sacrificing characterization.]
fic  b:dresdenfiles  oneshot  c:dresden:marcone  c:dresden:hendricks  c:dresden:gard  c:dresden:harrydresden  theme:shenanigans  theme:frenemies  theme:snark  LOLZ  p:dresden:harry/marcone  ge:fluff  ge:slash  r:pg-13  @ao3 
april 2017 by scorpionvoices
Kore - oneiriad - Greek and Roman Mythology [Archive of Our Own]
The day her mother gives birth to a horse is the day Persephone decides that she really needs a plan. [5673] [It's nice to read an Ace fic that doesn't make me want to scratch my eyes out and is genuinely funny]
"Here you go. You take care of him, while I see to your mother."

Persephone stares at the warm bundle in her arms and then at the short, wrinkled goddess currently washing blood off her hands.

"But what am I supposed to do with him?"

"The usual - hold him, feed him, burp him. Really, Persephone, you're almost a grown woman. You should know these things already, you'll be having your own soon enough."

"I? What? No, I won't!"

"Oh, don't be silly, Persephone, I really don't have time for it. Now, go ask one of the nymphs to fetch some mare's milk and stop bothering me. Your mother needs stitches and I need to get to work now, if we're not going to have to send for Asclepius."

And off she goes, closing the door behind her, leaving Persephone alone with her newborn brother in her arms, her mother's screams of pain still echoing in her ears and an absolute and total conviction that she is not, ever, under any circumstance, going to go through that.
fic  misc:mythology  c:myth:persephone  c:myth:athena  a:myth:hermes  c:myth:demeter  c:myth:hades  c:myth:zeus  theme:asexuality  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  theme:womenareawesome  theme:competency!!!  theme:friendship  theme:HEA  ge:gen  r:pg-13  @ao3 
april 2017 by scorpionvoices
In Defiance of Reason - metisket - Fullmetal Alchemist [Archive of Our Own]
“Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re doin’ your best. It’s just your best isn’t quite good enough, Colonel. So while you’re doing whatever the hell it is you do, I’ll be here cleaning up after you.” [4391; first in the Demon Alchemist series, 88,462]
Rogue alchemists were always a lot of trouble and paperwork, but the Demon Alchemist was special. He was the kind of vigilante that anyone could get behind. He never tackled situations that were morally gray; he stuck to rapists and murderers and people only a mother could tolerate. He’d been at this for three years, and by now, he was a hero to the average person on the street. They (the newspapers, not the military) had given him the title Demon Alchemist in honor of his tendency to transmute demon-shaped rocks and hurl them at deserving people. It was the kind of thing that made for an instant fan following.

All of which would have been fine if he hadn’t been a serial killer. (Though sometimes the hypocrisy of that thought choked Roy to a standstill.) A heroic serial killer. What was the law supposed to do about that?

Giant headache.
fic  series  an:fullmetalalchemist  au:justalittledifferent  c:fma:roy  c:fma:hughs  c:fma:ed  theme:grief  theme:snark  theme:competency!!!  theme:friendship  theme:legends  ge:gen  ge:drama  ge:action  r:r  @ao3 
april 2017 by scorpionvoices
But Not Buried This Time - Tierfal - Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]
Once Ed decides that he is categorically not going to rot on the Drachman tundra, dragging his ass out of the jaws of death is actually pretty easy. ...except when it's not. At all. Which is most of the time. (AU from end of Brotherhood.) [94,615]
A pause.

Silence.

“This is new,” Roy says, brushing just his fingertips along the edge of the scarring shit around the bullethole.

“Oh, yeah,” Ed says. “Funny story about that.”

Roy gives him a dark look. “Ah, yes. Getting shot is hilarious.”

“Shit happens,” Ed says.
fic  an:fullmetalalchemist  c:fma:ed  c:fma:al  c:fma:roy  theme:survival  theme:selfrescue  theme:angst  theme:injury  theme:competency!!!  theme:cominghome  theme:love  theme:first-time  theme:snark  p:fma:ed/roy  ge:drama  ge:action  ge:slash  r:nc-17  @ao3 
april 2017 by scorpionvoices
wrong place, wrong time - hellotailor - Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) [Archive of Our Own]
Baze and Chirrut meet for the first time on an Imperial prison ship, a long way from home. [5404]
'You're not a doctor, are you.'

'I'm a monk,' said Chirrut, and patted him on the chest. 'So if you die from your wounds, I'll know what to do with your spirit.'
fic  u:starwars  m:rogueone  pre-movie  c:r1:baze  c:r1:chirrut  theme:firstmeetings  theme:snark  theme:competency!!!  theme:selfrescue  theme:team!  theme:firstkiss  p:r1:baze/chirrut  ge:slash  ge:action  r:pg-13  @ao3 
january 2017 by scorpionvoices
the fine line between recruiting and kidnapping - words-writ-in-starlight (Gunmetal_Crown) - Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) [Archive of Our Own]
Reprogramming, making new friends, and committing high treason--K-2SO has had a strange day. [526]
“What’s your designation?”

“K-2SO,” he said. “And there is an 82.4% chance of our capture and mutual decommissioning.” If he had been organic, he would have stuttered–he did not plan to say that. Apparently that crack was the filter coding between his analytic systems and his vocoder.
ficlet  u:starwars  m:rogueone  pre-movie  c:r1:K-2SO  c:r1:cassian  theme:firstmeetings  theme:snark  theme:friendship  ge:gen  r:pg  @ao3 
january 2017 by scorpionvoices
Garden in Dol Guldur - esama - The Hobbit (Jackson Movies) [Archive of Our Own]
While Gandalf explored the ruins and investigated the remains of those that had lived there, Bilbo walked along the ground, digging his toes into the dry, parched soil. There was life brewing underneath, he could feel it, it pulsed on the soles of his feet and it felt… peculiar and wrong and familiar, all at once. The orcs had grown something in the soil of Dol Guldur – but what? Bilbo was no green toe, but even he could tell the difference between a plant and this, whatever this was.

"What do you mean, what they grew?" Gandalf asked him suspiciously when he enquired about it. "They are orcs and goblins – they can grow nothing."

"I can feel it though," Bilbo said and poked the dry earth with his toes. "Something grows underneath – and it's dying."

Gandalf frowned deeply, watching him and then looking at the earth. "Hmrh… best leave it be and let it die, then. Whatever orcs grow can't be good."

Bilbo scowled after him as the wizard headed off to continue his investigation. Let it die? Let an earthen thing that grew on soil, sickly or not, die? What did Gandalf think he was – a Dwarf? [1906]
fic  u:lotr  m:thehobbit  post-movie  c:lotr:bilbo  c:lotr:gandalf  theme:competency!!!  theme:foundfamily  theme:snark  theme:kids  ge:gen  ge:fluff  r:pg  @ao3 
november 2016 by scorpionvoices
Casual Danger Dialogue for Beginners - misura - Jurassic Park (1993) [Archive of Our Own]
"I have to ask," Alan said, "are you babbling like this because you're working up your nerve, or because you don't want to let on to the fact that you've lost it entirely?" [1100]
fic  m:jurassicpark  missingscene  c:jp:alan  c:jp:ian  theme:snark  theme:emotionalconstipation  theme:dating  humor  p:jp:alan/ian  ge:slash  r:pg-13  @ao3 
november 2016 by scorpionvoices
Sand In The Wind - rain_sleet_snow - Tortall - Tamora Pierce [Archive of Our Own]
Kourrem bint Kemail fulfils a dream. [19,720]

[I have to say that I honestly never really got into any of the Alanna books, *especially* Woman Who Rides Like A Man, so I don't remember this character at all; even so, this series is SO GOOD FOR ME. This Kourrem is my favorite kind of character: a no-nonsense, no frills, thou-shalt-not-suffer-fools-gladly steam roller who is highly intelligent but lacking in fucks to give. She is Tortall's Leonard McCoy, and she will light you on fire if she has to.. I LOVE IT.]
fic  b:tortall  au:justalittledifferent  c:tortall:kourrem  c:tortall:raoul  c:tortall:roald  c:tortall:jonathan  c:tortall:thayet  c:tortall:neal  c:tortall:buri  theme:angst  theme:runningaway  theme:snark  theme:foundfamily  theme:competency!!!  theme:totherescue!  theme:womenareawesome  theme:racism  ge:gen  r:pg-13  @ao3 
november 2016 by scorpionvoices
Look at My Hands, Don't Look at My Hands - kittykatthetacodemon - The Magnificent Seven (2016) [Archive of Our Own]
It's the late 1800s, and one in four folks out west in the precarious settler communities develops a gift, a unique power that gives them some kind of advantage. Sam Chisolm has enhanced senses. Billy Rocks is damn hard to kill. Goody doesn't have a gift, unless you count being a stone-cold badass when the mood strikes. Vasquez is an empath, Red Harvest controls lightning, and Jack Horne can see the future. Emma Cullen, their new employer, can sometimes raise the dead.

And Faraday? Well, he's harmless, really. He's got his own skills, a bit of this and that. Nothing to worry about.

Or: that one AU where everything is the same, except nobody dies and also they have superpowers. [15,610]
“Now, I’ve got no powers,” he said. “No gifts to speak of, save my good looks and God-given talents.” Faraday found himself impressed; most snipers had a little something extra for their aim. “But my friend Billy, here, he’s got something I like to call cockroach tendencies. It is nigh-on impossible to kill this man. Why, I once saw a man put a gun to the back of his head and pull the trigger, and Billy’s still here.”

“What happened?” Teddy asked, clearly not believing it.

Robicheaux waved a lazy hand in his direction. “Oh, the gun backfired. Damn near blew off the fool’s arm, and Billy didn’t so much as flinch.”

“I turned around and gutted the man, Goody,” Billy told him, dry as bone. “I’d call that more than a flinch.”
fic  m:magnificentseven  c:mag7:faraday  c:mag7:vasquez  c:mag7:redharvest  c:mag7:horne  c:mag7:billy  c:mag7:goodnight  c:mag7:chisolm  c:mag7:emma  theme:superpowers  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  theme:friendship  theme:injury  theme:h/c  theme:foundfamily  p:mag7:faraday/vasquez  ge:gen  ge:drama  r:r  @ao3 
november 2016 by scorpionvoices
Sometimes It Takes a Village - Hazel_Athena - The Magnificent Seven (2016) [Archive of Our Own]
In which Faraday thinks he's a man on a mission, but really he needs to just get over himself and go after what he wants. [6028]
Unlike his first several targets, Faraday knows better than approaching the next one at home. He also knows better than to show up without some kind of bribery, which is why he walks into the mechanic’s garage carrying a tray of coffee and a bag of chocolate donuts.

“Huh,” says Red as he rolls himself out from beneath the truck he’s working on. “None of the others mentioned getting treats when you came calling.”

“That ‘cause none of the others are liable to break my face for asking them to get involved in my personal shit.”

Red just cocks a knowing eyebrow at him.

“Okay, except for Billy,” Faraday acknowledges. “But that was why I made sure Goodnight was there when I got his opinion.”
fic  m:magnificentseven  au:realworld  c:mag7:faraday  c:mag7:vasquez  c:mag7:ensemble  theme:emotionalconstipation  theme:boysaredorks  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  theme:domesticity  theme:love  p:mag7:faraday/vasquez  ge:slash  r:r  @ao3 
november 2016 by scorpionvoices
Revenge is best served @ - Perpetual Motion (perpetfic) - Check Please! (Webcomic) [Archive of Our Own]
The ESPN hockey anchors take a cheap shot. Bitty takes one back. [1894]
Bitty: Don't know if you saw, but Shitty's on at least carafe #2 of coffee and mad at Douche and Turd.

Jack: Tater just did it as a dramatic reading, then Kentucky brought up the feed, and now you have 23 manly hockey men ready to destroy the world for you.

Bitty: Well, that's very kind, but let them know Nadine and I are on it.

Jack: Kentucky requests, since they insulted you, I pay bail for you both. I've agreed.
fic  co:omgcheckplease  post-series  c:omgcp:bitty  c:omgcp:jack  c:omgcp:shitty  c:omgcp:lardo  theme:futurefic  theme:domesticity  theme:establishedrelationship  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  LOLZ  p:omgcp:bitty/jack  ge:slash  ge:fluff  r:pg-13  @ao3 
november 2016 by scorpionvoices
Shining, Shimmering, Splendid - DoreyG - DC Animated Universe [Archive of Our Own]
“Look, it’s Superman!”

“Not a bird?” He murmurs wryly, as Clark lifts his hand to wave at the goggling boy in a Green Lantern costume, “or a plane?”

“Come on, that hasn’t actually happened in years,” Clark mumbles in reply, fondly smiling as the boy blinks once and then spins on his heel to go fetch his friends, “I think he recognized you too, you know, so there’s no need to start pouting.” [730]
ficlet  u:DC  ca:JLA  c:jla:j'onn  c:dc:clark  theme:cultureclash  theme:establishedrelationship  theme:angst  theme:snark  theme:love  unusualpairing  p:jla:clark/j'onn  ge:slash  r:pg-13  @ao3 
november 2016 by scorpionvoices
Thirty-Eight Years, Twenty Dollars, and a Truck - jendavis - Longmire (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
They've both been soldiers, and can cut to the bone when they need to, even if they feel their own selves bleeding, afterwards, and the win doesn't feel like a win. Henry's dragged Walt's better angels out of him kicking and screaming more times than he can count, and Walt reckons he's done his fair share of beating back Henry's demons.

Walt hates him for it, sometimes, Henry's unflinching honesty and the way he forces the same out of Walt. Loves him for it, too, he supposes, 'cause whenever the smoke's cleared, however it shakes down, they're both still standing. The longest time he's gone without forgiving Henry was three hours. The longest time Walt figures he's gone unforgiven himself is two days. [1135]
fic  tv:longmire  episoderelated  c:longmire:walt  p:longmire:henry  theme:friendship  theme:injury  theme:h/c  theme:establishedrelationship  theme:snark  theme:love  p:longmire:henry/walt  ge:fluff  ge:slash  r:pg-13  @ao3 
november 2016 by scorpionvoices
First Impressions - potentiality_26 - Longmire (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
Henry looked like he’d be slipping bites to the dog, if the Pipers had had a dog. Being Henry, he was probably even smooth enough to get away with it.

Walt has had worse meals than this one. He just can't think of them right now, for a variety of reasons. [5063]

[Walt takes Henry with him to meet Cady's new boyfriend and his parents. Conclusions are jumped to. Lightbulbs appear. Walt becomes marginally less emotionally-constipated. Henry smirks a lot.]
fic  tv:longmire  c:longmire:walt  c:longmire:henry  c:longmire:cady  theme:family  theme:friendship  theme:homophobia  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  theme:emotionalconstipation  theme:clueless  theme:firstkiss  theme:love  p:longmire:henry/walt  ge:slash  ge:fluff  r:pg-13  @ao3 
november 2016 by scorpionvoices
Frontier Cadence - manic_intent - The Magnificent Seven (2016) [Archive of Our Own]
The revelation that he was in fact alive and in one piece came as a total surprise to Josh Faraday. Granted, this wasn’t in fact his first rodeo with certain-but-then-thwarted death, and as such, Faraday stared muzzily in a semi-drugged daze at the cracked ceiling for a long and puzzled moment before panic set in. He groped downwards. Nope. Dick still intact. Faraday relaxed.

“It absolutely goddamned figured,” Goodnight said dryly somewhere to his left, “that you’d be worried about that first before everythin’ else.” [2952]
“His name’s not really ‘Billy’, is it?” Faraday asked, still bleary. “I mean. ‘Billy Rocks’? That’s a fake name if I seen one. Nearly as fake-soundin’ as ‘Goodnight Robicheaux’, though I’m pretty sure that’s your real name. My condolences, honestly.”

Goodnight sighed. “This was my grandfather’s name, rest his soul. As to Billy, neither of us would be capable of pronouncing his real name. So ‘Billy’ it is. Maybe we shouldn’t have given you laudanum. You do seem to be having quite a reaction.”
fic  m:magnificentseven  post-movie  c:mag7:faraday  c:mag7:goodnight  c:mag7:billy  c:mag7:vasquez  c:mag7:emma  theme:aftermath  theme:injury  theme:fix-it  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  theme:h/c  theme:establishedrelationship  theme:love  p:mag7:billy/goodnight  p:mag7:faraday/vasquez  ge:slash  r:nc-17  a:manicintent  @ao3 
october 2016 by scorpionvoices
Unexpected Variables - SnubbingApollo - The Magnificent Seven (2016) [Archive of Our Own]
Joshua Faraday knows exactly how to blend in. He knows how to deflect attention he doesn't want and draw the attention he does. He's a master planner and he considers every possible outcome before making a decision. He has too many secrets not to.

Unfortunately for him, he didn't plan for Red Harvest. [2414]
fic  m:magnificentseven  c:mag7:faraday  c:mag7:redharvest  c:mag7:goodnight  c:mag7:billy  theme:secrets  theme:transgender  theme:friendship  theme:snark  theme:romance  theme:firstkiss  p:mag7:faraday/redharvest  ge:slash  ge:fluff  r:pg-13  @ao3 
october 2016 by scorpionvoices
It Wasn't About the Cards - DjDangerLove - The Magnificent Seven (2016) [Archive of Our Own]
After Faraday recovers, he has a hard time accepting the family that comes with the Magnificent Seven. Vasquez just wants him to try. [1719]
fic  m:magnificentseven  post-movie  m:mag7:vasquez  c:mag7:sam  c:mag7:faraday  theme:aftermath  theme:injury  theme:angst  theme:foundfamily  theme:snark  ge:gen  r:pg-13  @ao3 
october 2016 by scorpionvoices
Learn Or Die - WearyBlues - The Magnificent Seven (2016) [Archive of Our Own]
Billy has lived through 53 matches. He’s been through California, Arizona, and Texas, but the smoke always tastes the same. Between the matches, Billy learned a lot about the white man’s world. His english is quick and polished now, as are his guns. [681]
ficlet  m:magnificentseven  pre-movie  c:mag7:billy  c:mag7:goodnight  characterstudy  theme:firstmeetings  theme:friendship  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  ge:gen  r:pg-13  @ao3 
october 2016 by scorpionvoices
Five Facts About Goodnight Robicheaux and One About Billy Rocks - Caora (Soujin) - The Magnificent Seven (2016) [Archive of Our Own]
Billy sits him down on the side of the bed and starts to undress him, hands so gentle that it's hard to believe how good they are at death. He works slow and methodical. In a quick-draw he's like the flare of a match, spark and then fire, but now he's taking his time, unbuttoning Goody's waistcoat, getting him down to shirtsleeves.

"Puritan," Goody says.

"Someone had to carry you back." [2039]
Billy has been less a Cesario than a Horatio, propping up the heartsick death-hunting prince, shielding him from the consequences of madness. Goody feels a great deal in common with Hamlet -- rumination, for one, and volubility for another, and of course idiocy and insanity. Billy is the heart's-friend who has come from afar to stand at his elbow and try to save him.

He expects to die in spite of Billy's best efforts, whether by poisoned foil or poisoned wine or letter to England or his own hand. But Billy, somehow, seems to have faith in him.
fic  m:magnificentseven  pre-movie  c:mag7:goodnight  c:mag7:billy  theme:establishedrelationship  theme:angst  theme:lowselfesteem  theme:PTSD  theme:h/c  theme:snark  theme:love  p:mag7:billy/goodnight  ge:slash  r:r  @ao3 
october 2016 by scorpionvoices
Cowboys - SnubbingApollo - The Magnificent Seven (2016) [Archive of Our Own]
"Better than sleeping outside," Vasquez countered. He was sitting by the fire with his blanket wrapped around his shoulders having long since given up on his bed.

"Barely," Faraday muttered, pulling his blanket tighter around himself. "Times like this I envy Billy and Goodnight. I could do with a warm body to snuggle right about now." Vasquez turned from the fire to arch an eyebrow at him.

"Was that an offer, guero?" he asked.

"Might've been. You do look mighty warm and I am frozen half to death." [1106]

[This one's kinda goofy, but it made me laugh so I'm keeping it.]
fic  m:magnificentseven  c:mag7:faraday  c:mag7:vasquez  c:mag7:goodnight  c:mag7:billy  trope:huddlingforwarmth  theme:frenemies  theme:friendstolovers  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  p:mag7:faraday/vasquez  p:mag7:billy/goodnight  ge:slash  r:r  @ao3 
october 2016 by scorpionvoices
let me tell you something (you already know) - Jedi Buttercup (jedibuttercup) - The Expendables (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]
For Barney Ross, the Vilain mission ended more or less how it had begun: with an unexpected visitor in his private hangar.

Somehow, though, he doubted the purpose of the visit was anything like the first one – and not just because the man waiting for him had graying blond hair rather than a stubbled chrome dome. Barney sighed, then acknowledged his guest with a grunt. "Hey, Gunnar."
fic  m:expendables  c:ex:barney  c:ex:gunnar  theme:previousrelationship  theme:angst  theme:love  theme:fixing  theme:snark  theme:establishedrelationship  p:ex:barney/gunnar  ge:slash  r:r  a:jedibuttercup  @ao3  challenge:yuletide2012 
october 2016 by scorpionvoices
unpretty: unpretty: unpretty: tim drake’s... - cimness
tim drake’s snapchat is 90% him making bruce wayne do normal middle-class american things and filming the results. popular youtube compilations include the one where they’re at denny’s at two in the morning and tim keeps trying to get bruce to order a moon over my hammy just so he’ll have to say it, the one where they’re at disneyworld and bruce gets increasingly frazzled culminating in him actually physically picking up gaston for reasons no one can entirely recall, and everyone’s favorite series “bruce wayne doesn’t understand walmart”
fic-thing  u:DC  co:batman  c:batman:tim  c:batman:bruce  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  theme:totherescue!  theme:boysaredorks  LOLZ  ge:gen  r:pg-13  @tumblr 
september 2016 by scorpionvoices
Reverently, Discreetly, Advisedly, Soberly - Thorne - Final Fantasy VII [Archive of Our Own]
"We have to get married or the world will end," Zack said, walking into the office and ducking the stapler that Sephiroth had thrown at him without even looking up from the paperwork he was doing.

"I'm not entirely sure where to begin addressing that request, but let's start with no," Sephiroth said in a monotone that was, if possible, even flatter than his usual.

Zack frowned. He'd really hoped to sell it with a strong opening statement. On to plan B. [2308]
fic  g:FFVII  pre-series  c:ff7:zack  c:ff7:sephiroth  c:ff7:cloud  c:ff7:reno  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  trope:pretendSO  LOLZ  p:ff7:sephiroth/zack  p:ff7:cloud/sephiroth/zack  ge:crack  ge:slash  r:pg-13  @ao3 
september 2016 by scorpionvoices
Just Another Tuesday Afternoon - Thorne - Final Fantasy VII [Archive of Our Own]
"I hope you've learned a lesson from this," Sephiroth said later, gingerly picking off melted marshmallow goo from the back of his glove.

"Not in the least," Zack said cheerfully, through a mouthful of marshmallow. There were the remains of three more melted ones stuck in his hair, as collateral damage from when he'd called Sephiroth a carnal cake cockblocker. [1459]
fic  g:FFVII  pre-series  c:ff7:zack  c:ff7:sephiroth  c:ff7:cloud  c:ff7:reno  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  OT3  p:ff7:cloud/sephiroth/zack  ge:crack  ge:slash  r:pg-13  @ao3  hilarity 
september 2016 by scorpionvoices
as green as a fresh pickled toad - Chapter 20 - LullabyKnell - Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling [Archive of Our Own]
Ch. 20 -- A Different Sort Of Sorting -- And then the Sorting Hat sends an Avery off to Gryffindor and an Abbott off to Ravenclaw, despite the families’ respective long and prestigious histories in Slytherin and Hufflepuff. What the actual fuck is happening, no one says aloud, as a Bulstrode goes off to Hufflepuff and a Longbottom cousin goes into Slytherin. [22,735]
fic  b:harrypotter  au:justalittledifferent  c:hp:bill  c:hp:charlie:  c:hp:percy  c:hp:fred  c:hp:george  c:hp:ron  c:hp:ginny  c:hp:ensemble  theme:friendship  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  theme:family  theme:fix-it  p:hp:draco/harry  ge:slash  r:pg-13  @ao3 
august 2016 by scorpionvoices
Trials - esama - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015) [Archive of Our Own]
Eggsy shifts the aim from JB to Arthur, and shoots him in the face. [2463]
Arthur looks fucking disgusted at that. "You have failed the knight trials," he says, scoffing.

"Big fucking surprise," Eggsy snarls and moves to get up. "I'll be –"

"Sit down," Arthur snaps at him and Eggsy sits. The old man takes a steadying breath. "You've failed the knight trials," he repeats and hands over the tablet. "And entered the king trials."
fic  m:kingsman  c:kingsman:eggsy  c:kingsman:arthur  c:kingsman:harry  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  ge:gen  r:pg-13  @ao3  a:esama 
august 2016 by scorpionvoices
Rivers Know This - blackkat - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
Tobirama has long since resigned himself to the fact that all Uchiha are at least mildly insane, but this is a new low. And to think, he’d considered Kagami to be one of the level-headed ones. [6205]
fic  an:naruto  c:naru:tobirama  c:naru:kagami  c:naru:hashirama  c:naru:madara  theme:friendship  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  trope:marriageofconvenience  theme:firstkiss  p:naru:kagami/tobirama  ge:slash  ge:fluff  r:pg-13  a:blackkat 
august 2016 by scorpionvoices
tiptoe 'round our dreams - thistidalwave - Check Please! (Webcomic) [Archive of Our Own]
“No,” Chowder says, shaking his head. “I didn’t do it, you guys did when you decided you’d try. Sorry, but I just sat here and ate cupcakes. Mostly. Sorry.”


Chowder comes back to Samwell after winter break with a resolution: Dex and Nursey are going to stop fighting and start getting along this year if it's the last thing Chowder does. [12,000]
fic  co:omgcheckplease  c:omgcp:chowder  c:omgcp:dex  c:omgcp:nursey  c:omgcp:ensemble  theme:friendship  theme:frenemies  theme:angst  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  theme:emotionalconstipation  theme:racism  theme:homophobia  theme:classism  theme:firstkiss  OT3  p:omgcp:chowder/dex/nursey  ge:slash  r:pg-13  @ao3 
april 2016 by scorpionvoices
if there's anything on my face you put it there - jedusaur - Check Please! (Webcomic) [Archive of Our Own]
“You don’t have to tell them it was me. I mean, you don’t have to do anything. I’ll stop leaving marks if you want me to. Just..." He lifts up Jack’s shirt and touches one of the hickeys. When he looks back up, his eyes have gone dark. “I really, really like it. Do you mind?”
fic  c:omgcheckplease  c:omgcp:jack  c:omgcp:bitty  theme:secretlovers  theme:establishedrelationship  theme:snark  k:marking  p:omgcp:bitty/jack  ge:slash  r:nc-17  @ao3 
april 2016 by scorpionvoices
not funny - applecrumbledore - Check Please! (Webcomic) [Archive of Our Own]
No one asks or notices a change because they've always been all up in each other's space. The word they use is ‘open.’ At first it's always threesomes, always someone else there no matter what else they do with each other, usually rare and spontaneous decisions made at the tail end of a party if they find the right person, always spurred on by alcohol, and a lot of it. They see people independently of each other, too, if it comes up, because not everyone's idea of a 'chill Saturday' is a surprisingly well-orchestrated threesome with two giant hockey players, for some reason.

But, starting in their junior year, on the nights where they don't make any connections and nothing materializes, nothing clicks, it's just the two of them, because they always click. [9752]
fic  c:omgcheckplease  c:omgcp:ransom  c:omgcp:holster  theme:friendship  theme:dating  theme:first-time  theme:comingout  theme:family  theme:angst  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  theme:love  p:omgcp:holster/ransom  ge:slash  ge:drama  r:nc-17  @ao3 
april 2016 by scorpionvoices
Lazy Gamblers and Wizened Crones - JudyL - The Magnificent Seven (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
Nettie learns you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. [7876]

[Or, How Nettie Wells and Ezra Standish Saved Each Other and Became Unlikely BFFs]
fic  tv:magnificentseven  oneshot  c:mag7:ezra  c:mag7:nettie  theme:snark  case-file  theme:competency!!!  theme:injury  theme:friendship  ge:gen  r:pg  @ao3 
march 2016 by scorpionvoices
Thirty-Eight Days and Counting - thecommodore_squid - Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe [Archive of Our Own]
It didn’t escape him that Steve shared his assumed last name. “Are you gonna be my cousin?” Bucky asked dully.

Steve frowned. “Husband, actually,” he said easily, holding up his left hand to show a typical golden band.

Bucky scowled and closed the door.

AKA
An AU in which Bucky is put in the witness protection program and Steve is the agent hired to protect him/pretend to be his husband. [40,292]

[Honestly, I really loved this. Bucky and Steve are both broken in their own ways, and they don't have a life-long friendship to fall back on. Also, the way they're both so excited about successfully getting through social interactions with the so-called 'normal' people on their block made me just about die laughing.]
fic  u:marvel  m:captainamerica  au:realworld  c:cap:bucky  c:avengers:steve  c:avengers:clint  c:avengers:natasha  c:ironman:tony  c:cap:sam  theme:PTSD  theme:undercover  theme:injury  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  theme:domesticity  theme:friendship  theme:pining  theme:firstkiss  theme:angst  theme:captivity  theme:totherescue!  theme:fixing  theme:scars  theme:brainwashing  theme:HEA  trope:amnesia  trope:pretendSO  w:torture  p:cap:bucky/steve  ge:slash  ge:drama  r:r  @ao3 
march 2016 by scorpionvoices
Someone Yelled 'Dibs' - a second collection (is totally necessary) - Chapter 28 - shineyma - Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
It would be an understatement to say that Grant is bemused, upon entering yet another room at the house party he’s searching, to be greeted by a quickly shouted “Dibs!” and a chorus of groans.

“Uh, hi?” he asks, doing a quick scan of the room.
fic  u:marvel  tv:agentsofSHIELD  au:realworld  c:shield:ward  c:shield:jemma  c:shield:skye  theme:snark  theme:inebriation  theme:shenanigans  LOLZ  o:cute  p:shield:jemma/ward  ge:het  r:pg-13  @ao3 
march 2016 by scorpionvoices
For A Good Time - a second collection (is totally necessary) - Chapter 18 - shineyma - Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
“So, what is this about?” she asks, as Skye shoves the door open. Surprisingly, there’s no line and, it appears, no one in the bathroom at all. Maybe that’s what this is about; something is clearly amiss if one doesn’t have to wait thirty minutes for a turn in the loo.

“You have to see this,” Skye says, voice high with laughter. “Look, look.”

She drags Jemma to one of the stalls (a tight fit, with both of them) and points to a particular piece of graffiti above the trash can.
fic  u:marvel  tv:agentsofSHIELD  c:shield:jemma  c:shield:skye  c:shield:ward  theme:shenanigans  theme:friendship  theme:snark  LOLZ  ge:gen  r:pg-13  @ao3 
march 2016 by scorpionvoices
Love Is for Suckers - Potrix - Multifandom [Archive of Our Own]
Life isn’t a fairytale, Bucky isn’t the roguish yet lovable protagonist, and Tony definitely isn’t his Prince Charming.

No, in reality, Bucky takes his clothes off for money, and Tony is just another customer. The fact that they keep falling into bed together proves nothing, and a candle in the middle of the table doesn’t automatically make a dinner a date.

Bucky doesn’t get that lucky, this isn’t some cheesy rom-com, and real life doesn’t work like that.

Right? [17,201]
fic  u:marvel  m:ironman  m:captainamerica  au:realworld  c:cap:bucky  c:ironman:tony  c:avengers:steve  theme:scars  theme:friendship  theme:angst  theme:first-time  theme:snark  theme:love  theme:family  theme:HEA  k:metal/ink  p:marvel:bucky/tony  ge:slash  r:nc-17  @ao3 
march 2016 by scorpionvoices
last stop on this highway - augustbird - Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015) [Archive of Our Own]
Home is a strange place. [19,351] [The one where Poe recruits Finn to his new corps of pilots and they fly a recon mission that turns into a marathon hiking trip.]
The realization sinks in. "They set up a transponder blocker."

"I already tried to beam a rescue signal and it just bounced back," Poe agrees.

Finn runs a hand over his face. "That blocker could have a hundred mile radius."

"I have a feeling you're not enthused about potentially dragging a damaged X-Wing around for a hundred miles."

"We're stranded," Finn concludes.
fic  u:starwars  m:swTFA  post-movie  c:sw:finn  c:sw:poe  c:sw:leia  c:sw:jess  c:sw:snap  case-file  theme:friendship  theme:aftermath  theme:snark  theme:war  theme:competency!!!  theme:first-time  theme:foundfamily  p:sw:finn/poe  ge:slash  r:r  a:augustbird  @ao3 
january 2016 by scorpionvoices
get drunk on the good life - magneticwave - Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]
Finn wakes up in the infirmary with a headache like he’s been head-butted by a blaster--which: basically--and is instantly swallowed by an actual swarm of medics and nurses, who range in height from a tiny Mrlssi to someone with face-tentacles who could give Chewbacca a run for his money. [6175]
[In which Finn is on the mend, Poe was once a stupid 16-year old, Jess won't let Poe forget he used to be a stupid 16-year old, and Snap gets married.]
“By the power vested in me by you bunch of numbskulls, I now declare you married,” General Organa says. “Kiss him already, why don’t you.”
fic  u:starwars  m:swTFA  c:sw:finn  c:sw:poe  c:sw:jess  c:sw:snap  c:sw:oc  c:sw:leia  theme:aftermath  theme:friendship  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  theme:firstkiss  p:sw:finn/poe  ge:slash  r:pg-13  a:magneticwave  @ao3 
january 2016 by scorpionvoices
You Got a Kiss For Me - bubbysbub - The Hobbit - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]
The obligatory "Bilbo returns home thinking Thorin is dead, only for his true love to come for him". Except with two true loves. And a head injury.

Not like I can write a trope to plan, though, is it? [3905]
fic  u:lotr  m:thehobbit  c:lotr:bilbo  c:lotr:ensemble  theme:fix-it  theme:grief  theme:runningaway  theme:totherescue!  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  p:lotr:dwalin/thorin  p:lotr:bilbo/dwalin/thorin  ge:slash  r:pg-13  @ao3 
january 2016 by scorpionvoices
The Immortal Hawkeye - copperbadge - Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]
Clint's a little older than he looks, and his DNA has a few surprises in store, too. [8378]
"Nobody on this Earth thinks you're pushing thirty, let alone forty," Bruce said. Sam gave him a starving-puppy look, and he rolled his eyes and dished out two bowls, spooning brown sugar into one. Sam took the other one and dumped half a jar of jam into it. "You don't think it's....unnatural?"

"Not really," Clint said. "I mean, it could have been something I ate."

Bucky looked thoughtful. "That actually might explain it."

"How does 'something I ate' explain this?" Tony asked, looking increasingly upset.

"He eats...everything," Natasha said.
fic  u:marvel  m:Avengers12  c:avengers:clint  c:cap:bucky  c:avengers:steve  c:ironman:tony  c:avengers:ensemble  theme:friendship  theme:superpowers  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  theme:emotionalconstipation  theme:clueless  theme:pining  theme:dorksinlove  theme:firstkiss  theme:establishedrelationship  theme:family  LOLZ  p:marvel:vucky/clint  p:marvel:steve/tony  ge:crackish  ge:slash  r:pg-13  a:sam_storyteller  @ao3 
january 2016 by scorpionvoices
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