scorpionvoices + lolz.forever   254

In a Mass Knife Fight to the Death Between Every American President, Who Would Win and Why? – The Writings of Geoff Micks
One of my most-visited sites on the web is Reddit.com, and one of my favourite subreddits is HistoricalWhatIf, an online community that debates historical hypotheticals. Earlier today someone asked the question, In a mass knife fight to the death between every American President, who would win and why? Someone beat me to the obvious answer that a final showdown would see Andrew Jackson, Abraham Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt doing a dagger-wielding version of a Mexican standoff, so I took it too far and walked through how I thought every president would turn out. An hour later the result greatly exceeded the maximum 10,000 character limit for a post, so I’ve decided to blog about it instead.
history  humor  post:meta  lolz.forever 
january 2018 by scorpionvoices
JOSHUA LONG-A-SUNSHINE
looks like a cinnamon roll, but could actually kill you: Emma Cullen, Billy Rocks, Red Harvest
looks like they could kill you, but is actually a cinnamon roll: Jack Horne, Goodnight Robicheaux
looks like a cinnamon roll and is actually a cinnamon roll: Teddy (who as goodnightmybilly puts it "teddy bear masquerading as a cinnamon roll")
looks like they could kill you and could actually kill you: Vasquez, Sam Chisolm
slightly burnt cinnamon roll: Josh Faraday
post:reaction  m:magnificentseven  c:mag7:ensemble  lolz.forever  @tumblr 
november 2016 by scorpionvoices
25 Out of Context D&D Quotes That Will Have You Rolling - Dorkly Post
Since the last time we shared the weirdest and most WTF quotes from real life D&D games, imgur user perckq solicited the community there for more fantastical declarations spoken by actual human beings. Paired with the all-too serious art from guidebooks and expansions, the results are still pretty funny.
lolz.forever  memes 
august 2016 by scorpionvoices
The 30 Greatest Comic Book Moments Of 2013
Puppy bombs, space sharks, Bat-cows… 2013 was a pretty great year for comic books.
comic  lolz.forever  @buzzfeed 
april 2016 by scorpionvoices
I always wondered why Hannibal would keep coming...
Here is what it comes down to: there is no aspect of Hannibal’s life that is low maintenance, and he likes it that way, so I’m not sure why anyone would expect his significant other to be low maintenance. XD; This is a guy who wears a plastic coverall over a three-piece suit with tie and pocket square to commit murder, and makes shaved ice by performatively chipping a giant block of ice with an icepick. Do you know what is an awesome LOW MAINTENANCE way to make punch romaine? With ice cubes in a blender. I’ve gotten quite good at it. The key is fresh egg white.

My point is, just remembering cards/wine/jewelry on anniversaries is too easy for him. He does that for all his exes (that’s also book canon btw).
post:meta  tv:hannibal  lolz.forever  c:hannibal 
april 2016 by scorpionvoices
people are afraid of what they don't understand
#HE DOESN'T EVEN RAISE HIS GUN #LIKE #IT'S NOWHERE TO BE SEEN #HE HAS 0 INTENTION OF SHOOTING THIS BIZARRELY GIANT RUSSIAN ASSASSIN THAT ALMOST KILLED HIM #OKAY NAPOLEON OKAY #???????????? what kind of spy are you honestly #illya: rips the trunk of the car off #napoleon: siGN ME THE FUCK UP
@tumblr  lolz.forever  m:manfromUNCLE  gif{s} 
april 2016 by scorpionvoices
The Man From U.N.C.L.E. - jared-and-jensen-winchester: Did you know each...
'Did you know each other before this film?'
'No.' "No."
'Really? So you just met? ‘Cause the chemistry is amazing.'
"We fell in love really quickly."
@tumblr  m:manfromUNCLE  interview  gif{s}  lolz.forever 
april 2016 by scorpionvoices
Parents of Reddit, what is the creepiest thing your young child has ever said to you? : AskReddit
I was tucking in my two year old. He said "Good bye dad." I said, "No, we say good night." He said "I know. But this time its good bye."

Had to check on him a few times to make sure he was still there.
lolz.forever  @reddit 
november 2014 by scorpionvoices
Bad Science Shenanigans
Did they ever reveal how Captain America was thawed? Because I’m picturing a bunch of Shield agents with hair dryers and I don’t think that’s quite right.

I don’t think they’d want to microwave him so hair dryer is really the only remaining option. That’s how I’d do it.
badscienceshenanigans
Do you have a sciency way to accomplish this task?
post:meta  lolz.forever  for-kayla  u:marvel  m:captainamerica  @tumblr 
november 2014 by scorpionvoices
Great Tree, Great Axe
In closing, I offer my favorite piece of axe-related legal trivia:[5]

Lawyer Kevin Underhill, of the legal blog Lowering the Bar, highlighted the wonderful 1998 case People v. Foranyic. In this case, he writes, appeals court ruled "that there was probable cause for police to detain someone they see riding a bike at 3 a.m., carrying an axe."

So if you're two miles tall and heading toward the coast to cut down the world's only tree ...

... watch out for cops.
xkcd  lolz.forever 
june 2014 by scorpionvoices
Burning Pollen
We're going to need a sixty-thousand-ton Claritin tablet?
xkcd  lolz.forever 
may 2014 by scorpionvoices
25 Totally Useless Products that I Need Right Now | Messy Nessy Chic
So many things, so little money. MessyNessy picks out the most desirable random products on the web right now.
shopping  gadgets  lolz.forever  crapbrittanysendsme 
march 2014 by scorpionvoices
When squirrels attack! There’s a medical code for that.
The codes in ICD-10 can seem absurd in their granularity, replete with designations for seemingly impossible situations.

There are different numbers for getting struck or bitten by a turkey (W61.42 or W61.43). There are codes for injuries caused by squirrels (W53.21) and getting hit by a motor vehicle while riding an animal (V80.919), spending too much time in a deep-freeze refrigerator (W93.2) and a large toe that has gone unexpectedly missing (Z89.419).

At the AAPC conference in San Francisco, the organization sold shot glasses inscribed with “F10.950” — the code for an unspecified alcohol-induced psychotic disorder. “Give ICD-10 a shot!” it says in blue script.
"Ex-Fed"
12:55 PM PST
Why do I suddenly envision a rewritten Monty Python sketch in which not only is the FACT of the parrot's demise under question, but also the METHOD of the alleged demise.

"weather3014"
3:31 PM PST
Was it an African or European parrot?
article  politics  medicine  lolz.forever 
february 2014 by scorpionvoices
I aim to misbehave
There is a thin, semantic line separating weird and beautiful. And that line is covered in jellyfish. Welcome to Night Vale.

#wtnv #night vale #cecil baldwin #carlos the scientist #welcome to night vale #paul bettany as cecil #santiago cabrera as carlos #also you can see the exact moment when i lost all hope #thank you lele for the support
misc:welcometonightvale  art:fanart  gif{s}  lolz.forever  @tumblr 
july 2013 by scorpionvoices
Does The Dog Die?
Do you turn off Old Yeller before the end so you can pretend that he lived a long and happy life? Did a cute pet on a movie poster make you think it would be a fun comedy but it turned out to be a pet-with-a-terminal-illness tearjerker instead? Are you unable to enjoy the human body count in a horror movie because you're wondering whether the dog's going to kick the bucket? Have you ever Googled "Does the [dog/cat/horse/Klingon targ] die in [movie title]?"

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then welcome - DoestheDogDie.com is here for you! If you answered "no" to every question, then you might possibly be lost. Don't worry - have some lolcats and everything will be fine.
lolz.forever  fun.stuff  reference  for-kayla 
may 2013 by scorpionvoices
20 Owls That Can't Get Any Respect
1.Effing butterfly. Who said you could sit there?

Get the hell off, you’re itchy.

2. Owl did not ask for a shower.

Wait until you find the dead squirrel in your bed, human.
list  lolz.forever  LOLZ  @buzzfeed  picspam 
may 2013 by scorpionvoices
38 Reasons Everything Is Way Better In Canada
6. The Westboro Baptist Church is banned from Canada

12. Jedi is an official, state-sanctioned church

13. The buses are apologetic

14.Canadian mosh pits are the most hardcore, intense experience a person can have
lolz.forever  @buzzfeed  list 
may 2013 by scorpionvoices
Heroic Theatergoer Smashes Cell Phone, Gets Thrown Out: Gothamist
We can't count the number of times we've wanted to enact vengeance on some inconsiderate audience member whose cell phone goes off during a performance. But, like most people, we just bottle that fury up deep down inside and take it out on the break room vending machine later. Not Kevin Williamson. Last night the National Review writer was in attendance at the marvelous new musical Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812 when one theatergoer's incessant cell phone use finally drove him over the edge... into vigilantism.
article  lolz.forever  opinion:awesome 
may 2013 by scorpionvoices
fluffmugger: whenyouwereherebefore: Early...
Early concepts for Iron Man 3 title sequences // Suit Porn
— Iron Man doing a striptease in his removable suit (x)

oh god this is so in char I’m weeping.
u:marvel  m:ironman  lolz.forever  @tumblr 
may 2013 by scorpionvoices
Ask gr8writingtips
"Is it okay to write the first three chapters of a book in Comic Sans then change it to Wingdings?"
ihavenotagsforthis  opinion:awesome  quotes  lolz.forever  for-kayla  for-brittany  @tumblr 
may 2013 by scorpionvoices
rifa: moonkistprincess: madmadamemolly: ...
BAM. Suddenly, the prowling guy swoops in, like some sort of Gay Avenger. He shoves himself between the girl and the Asshole, grabs the Asshole by the hips, and starts dirty dancing him like a God-damned fuck machine. Asshole completely flips his shit, like how DARE another man try to dance with him at a GAY BAR???, starts spitting curses, and tears ass off the dance floor and out onto the sidewalk.
lolz.forever  opinion:awesome  @tumblr 
may 2013 by scorpionvoices
The Greatest Star Trek Quotes
Human bonding rituals often involve a great deal of talking, and dancing, and crying.
-Worf to Data, on weddings, Star Trek: The Next Generation, “Data’s Day”

I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I’ll let you know.
-Captain Picard to Data, Star Trek: The Next Generation, “In Theory”

Please, Captain, not in front of the Klingons.
-Spock to Kirk, as Kirk is about to hug him, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
quotes  u:startrek  tv:startrekTOS  tv:DS9  tv:nextgeneration  opinion:awesome  lolz.forever  for-kayla 
may 2013 by scorpionvoices
on the worn-out heels of kerouac
bucky proceeded to have Many Adventures, a good number of which involved NATASHA MOTHERFUCKING ROMANOFF aka the black widow aka the darling of my heart aka marvel’s… other former brainwashed soviet superspy; apparently they had a Thing back in mother russia before natasha dramatically escaped the kgb’s commie clutches (oh my god, autocorrect wants to correct kgb to lgbtq. no autocorrect. no.)

bucky also was substitute captain america for a while when steve couldn’t do it on account of being temporarily arrested/dead/trapped in another dimension by a time bullet/see apparently some people think marvel got less ridiculous after the 1980s and i just laugh and laugh
crapkaylasendsme  @tumblr  u:marvel  m:captainamerica  c:cap:bucky  lolz.forever 
april 2013 by scorpionvoices
{ Purgatory Butt Sex }
oHMY GOD; THE THE IRON MAN 3 TRAILER WAS SO INTENSE I CAN’T.

SO EXCITED. But there was one thing that had me like- what?

Guys.

GUYS.

WHAT THE HELL

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS
pics  lolz.forever  m:ironman  @tumblr  for-kayla 
october 2012 by scorpionvoices
Leupagus
Clint Barton’s Unparalleled Language Skills: An Appreciation

…oh my God.

#French!
u:marvel  c:avengers:clint  lolz.forever  @tumblr 
september 2012 by scorpionvoices
Leupagus
“[The Secret Service] said I was all right as long as I didn’t take him away.”

— Scott Van Duzer, on Secret Service rules for hugging the President.

[OMIGAWD, THE PREZ DESERVES ALLL THE BEAR HUGS!!!]
pics  lolz.forever  rp:obama  opinion:adorable  @tumblr  for-kayla 
september 2012 by scorpionvoices
Controversial Pictures of Painted Cats | Bored Panda
Controversy sells big time – and if you publish a book that in the reviews is called “so weird that it’s sort of irresistible” – then you’re doomed to go down the road of success. That’s what happened to a New Zealand author Burton Silver and illustrator Heather Busch, after the release of their comedy book “Why Paint Cats: The Ethics of Feline Aesthetics“, a collection of bizarrely colored portraits of cats.

The book was designed to mock the current global obsession with cats. However, irony is not a universal strong suit of the cat lovers worldwide, so the book was both loathed as much as praised. The stunning retouching done on the cats was confused for real paint on their fur, which also added to the criticism.

Silver and Busch strongly argue that none of the feline models was hurt during the making of the book, and all the vibrant colors and effects on their fur are made using Photoshop.
lolz.forever  art  opinion:awesome  @boredpanda 
september 2012 by scorpionvoices
avengers: the love initiative
#NO #YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT JEREMY #YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO RENDER ME INSANE BY CROSSING OVER YOUR OWN FANDOMS
gif{s}  m:bournelegacy  m:Avengers12  rp:jrenner  lolz.forever  @tumblr  craphannahsendsme 
september 2012 by scorpionvoices
To All The Spideypool Haters...
A collection of pictorial evidence from the canon that shows that, while Spiderman/Deadpool may be just as cracky as you think, it does indeed have a very strong base in canon. Also it is glorious.
u:marvel  co:spiderman  lolz.forever  manifesto  c:spiderman:peter  c:marvel:deadpool  theme:shenanigans  p:marvel:peter/wade  genre:slash  rating:pg-13  @tumblr  craphannahsendsme 
september 2012 by scorpionvoices
Pretend to be smart!
Three pairs of brothers and the ways they feel about each other. [The Supernatural one had me *rolling*. Dean's little feet!]
art:fanart  tv:supernatural  tv:sherlock  u:marvel  m:thor  c:spn:dean  c:spn:sam  c:SH:holmes  c:SH:mycroft  c:avengers:thor  c:thor:loki  lolz.forever  theme:family  @tumblr  craphannahsendsme 
september 2012 by scorpionvoices
avengers: the love initiative
JARVIS: Dr. Strange said he was tired of my sass, sir. So he decided to punish me by making me... human.

TONY: And you're naked because...?
gif{s}  lolz.forever  u:marvel  m:ironman  c:ironman:tony  c:ironman:jarvis  @tumblr  craphannahsendsme 
september 2012 by scorpionvoices
avengers: the love initiative
Stephen Colbert deconstructs the meaning of One Direction’s lyrics. [*dying*]
gif{s}  lolz.forever  tv:colbertreport  @tumblr  craphannahsendsme 
september 2012 by scorpionvoices
go forth and make mischief, darkly-stark: lefandomblog: So, yeah....
So, yeah. Basically, Paul Bettany (Jarvis in Iron Man & Avengers) groping Zachary Quinto’s (Spock in Star Trek XI) fabulous arse.

You’re welcome, fandom.
gif{s}  lolz.forever  for-kayla  @tumblr 
september 2012 by scorpionvoices
go forth and make mischief, awesomejuice: motherjones: theweekmagazine: ...
“Nature is chock full of amazing stuff,” says George Mathis at the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

This little critter has been compared to everything from a cross between ”a miniature gargoyle and a Furby” to a puzzling new ”Pokemon character.” But whatever people think of its looks, the Venezuelan poodle moth is, apparently, the real deal.

Okay nature, you’re just messing with us now.

Shut up, nature.
reaction:o.O  lolz.forever  for-cindy  for-brittany  @tumblr  for-kayla 
september 2012 by scorpionvoices
Alternative authors' versions of Lord Of the Rings
Lord of the Rings, by Oscar Wilde

"He bested me in a riddle contest."

"A riddle contest?"

"It was so. And he cheated."

"To cheat in a riddle contest is a riddle in itself, and is therefore not cheating, but just another riddle."

"He cheated and asked me what he had in his pockets."

"He picked and pocketed a pretty prize, performing perfidious behaviour. How very noble, so like our own Lords and Masters"....
lolz.forever  parody  b:lordoftherings 
september 2012 by scorpionvoices
Star Wars, As Written by William Shakespeare | Slacktory
Though George Lucas claims that his 1977 film Star Wars is entirely original, based merely on his memories of the science fiction serials of his youth, new scholarly research has revealed the truth. Lucas was merely plagiarizing a much older work, a lost play by William Shakespeare. Shocking. Absolutely shocking.

Here, for the first time, I present selected excerpts from THE WAR OF THE STARRES. Enjoy
lolz.forever  parody  m:starwarsOT  for-brittany 
september 2012 by scorpionvoices
not language but a map
watched this three times in a row and laughed just as hard each time [the one with the siamese cat and the epic dramatic music]
video  LOLZ  lolz.forever  for-brittany  for-cindy  @tumblr 
august 2012 by scorpionvoices
I don't think I could be more addictive if I tried - arcreactor-technology: I love how he’s just...
I love how he’s just like

YOU KNOW WHAT

YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY BOW

JUST EAT IT

EAT THE ARROW, YOU ALIEN FREAK

EAT THE ARROW

CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKERS

That’s so his catchphrase now, isn’t it?
gif{s}  lolz.forever  u:marvel  m:Avengers12  c:avengers:clint  for-kayla  for-brittany 
august 2012 by scorpionvoices
swear them to the sky
See the weird man with the bowtie and the fez? He’s the loneliest man in the universe. Reblog this if you’re against bullying in the Time-Space Continuum.
tv:doctorwho  lolz.forever  @tumblr 
august 2012 by scorpionvoices
A war of head versus heart ,
RDJ threatens *in an interview* to adopt a kid with Mark Ruffalo after being asked about the state of his own kids.
interview  gif{s}  lolz.forever  @tumblr  for-kayla 
august 2012 by scorpionvoices
#I will never not reblog this #because I love the...
#I will never not reblog this #because I love the way Tony just comes right out and says it #like it’s no big deal #like when others meet bruce its kinda the elephant in the room #but tony couldn’t care less

And Phil in the background going, “Well, I’m gonna have to tase someone in about five minutes. I wonder which one. I wonder if I care. … I don’t care.”
gif{s}  lolz.forever  for-kayla  c:avengers:bruce  c:ironman:tony  @tumblr 
august 2012 by scorpionvoices
Teen Wolf 101: An introduction to the eighth wonder of our world.
If you watch Teen Wolf, you love Stiles. If you don't watch Teen Wolf, you are merely living through a brief period of confusion prior to the inevitability of falling in love with Stiles.

I won't even attempt to write about the events of Teen Wolf in their entirety, partly because it's impossible to summarise a show that amounts to the distilled essence of perfection, and partly because that would take about 50,000 words. Because I'm a really good-hearted person, though, I will provide a brief 10-point guide to the defining points of Teen Wolf as it stands as the cultural touchstone of my generation.
author:cobweb_diamond  tv:teenwolf  post:meta  post:primer  lolz.forever  @tumblr 
july 2012 by scorpionvoices
Snow White and the Huntsman: An Illustrated Summary
Spoilers, hastily drawn pictures, and I still have no idea how to draw people kissing. [...This is *not* how I interpreted the movie, but it still made me laugh pretty hard.]
artist:gingerhaze  @tumblr  m:snowwhiteandthehuntsman  lolz.forever  post:parody  for-kayla 
july 2012 by scorpionvoices
For all the people who, like me, have not seen...
For all the people who, like me, have not seen this week’s episode yet, here is the Teen Wolf drinking game my brother and I invented last night. Drink whenever:

*Someone takes off their shirt.
*Jackson is angry for no discernable reason. (DOUBLE if he’s angrily playing lacrosse by himself.)
*DOUBLE if any of the above happens outdoors, at night.
*Derek moonwalks into the shadows.
*Anyone hits on Danny.
post:meta  lolz.forever  tv:teenwolf  for-kayla  author:cobwebdiamond  @tumblr 
july 2012 by scorpionvoices
m15m: The Avengers in Fifteen Minutes
*A Scene That Must Have Happened*

FURY: SO WHO GETS TO BE IN THE AVENGER INITIATIVE AND GET MY DAMN CUBE BACK?

HILL: Well, obviously, everyone who already had their own movie.

FURY: So--Stark, Banner, and Rogers? We have enough screen time to handle that, yeah.

COULSON: Don't forget Donald! I never did get to debrief him.

FURY: Vikings gonna vike on their own time, I'm not dealing with more alien shit. Again. SOME MORE. Barton's fried, so… let's bring in Black Widow, she has experience fighting in tight fabrics--Coulson, go get Romanoff and tell her to find Banner, delegate that shit.

COULSON: What about Ant-Man?

FURY: He's already here, he was right over… [checks bottom of boot] … he's busy right now.
parody  post:meta  m:Avengers12  lolz.forever  @lj  for-kayla  for-cindy  for-brittany 
july 2012 by scorpionvoices
Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
"Our very way of life is under siege," said Mortensen, whose understanding of the Constitution derives not from a close reading of the document but from talk-show pundits, books by television personalities, and the limitless expanse of his own colorful imagination.
article  @theonion  lolz.forever  via:partypaprika 
july 2012 by scorpionvoices
Leupagus
Filed under: #It's nice to know that even at age... #IDK how old they were here #zygotes? #Let's say eleven #Anyway it's nice to know that even at age eleven Fry and Laurie were pedantic little shits #A bit of pish and posh
@tumblr  gif{s}  lolz.forever  rp:actors:hughlaurie  rp:actors:stephenfry 
june 2012 by scorpionvoices
Random Wodehouse Quote
Into the face of the young man who sat on the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at Cannes there had crept a look of furtive shame, the shifty hangdog look which announces that an Englishman is about to speak French.

The Luck of the Bodkins (1936)
quotes  lolz.forever  fun.stuff  gadgets 
june 2012 by scorpionvoices
expect the worst
#drake and josh #god damn it merelyn #why were all of your influences on me terrible #why didn't i pick up your penchant for going spontaneously vegan?
pics  lolz.forever  tv:drakeandjosh  reaction:o.O  opinion:awesome  @tumblr 
may 2012 by scorpionvoices
Muggles Need Not Apply - Deleted Scene
GODRIC GRYFFINDOR: We will create a school to teach all the brave young wizards and witches.
SALAZAR SLYTHERIN: And we must also teach those students who are cunning and sly.
ROWENA RAVENCLAW: And we shall open our doors to those with a curious mind and appetite for creativity.
HELGA HUFFLEPUFF: My tongue is blue because I was eating lollipops for dinner! Wanna see? I can almost do a cartwheel! Are you watching?!
b:harrypotter  @tumblr  c:hp:gryffindor  c:hp:slytherin  c:hp:ravenclaw  c:hp:hufflepuff  lolz.forever 
may 2012 by scorpionvoices
Boiled Water Recipe | Serious Eats : Talk : Cooking and Baking
Place your pot in the sink under the tap. If you have never used a sink before, it is the large depression in your counter top. (If you live with someone else, they may have filled it with dirty dishes; in this case, wash them or simply remove them from the sink and place them in the oven — someone else will eventually discover them there and wash them.)
food:cooking  recipe  lolz.forever  for-brittany 
april 2012 by scorpionvoices
Working with Yeast: Be Not Afraid! | The Kitchn
When I first started baking after college, loaf after loaf came out as hard as a brick. I couldn't figure it out. I thought I wasn't activating the yeast properly, so I kept dissolving it in hotter and then boiling water with more and more sugar. I finally called my dad (a life-long baker) and told him the whole story. He broke it to me gently: "Emma, you're killing that yeast. Don't use boiling water."

Oh.

And the rest, as they say, was history.
food:baking  lolz.forever  @thekitchn 
april 2012 by scorpionvoices
What...Just Happened: An Afternoon With The Hunger Games
Primrose: Hello I am twelve and I am adorable and my big sister will do anything for me because my sweetness is so contagious and I am so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuute

Me: …have you been talking to my brother?



The Hunger Games: Yo, I turn out to be a state-mandated fight to the death—

Me: What

The Hunger Games: Between unwilling and randomly chosen victims—

Me: What

The Hunger Games: Who are children—

Me: WHAT

The Hunger Games: Whose chances of competition are increased by how many extra times their starving selves put their name into the drawing for survival food to feed their families!

Me: W H A T

The Hunger Games: Oh, and we’re broadcast on live television, to entertain the people and also subdue them with the reminder that we can take their children and have them slaughtered at any time.

Me: WOW, THIS IS SUPER NOT THE LIGHT-HEARTED AWESOME LADY HUNTRESS STORY I WAS ANTICIPATING

The Hunger Games: We get that a lot.
author:gyzym  meta  post:reactionpost  post:recap  lolz.forever  for-kayla  @tumblr 
march 2012 by scorpionvoices
Ten Commandments of Fanfic Writers
In the beginning, there was canon. And God saw that the canon was lame, and God said “This canon is lame.”

The Lord took a handful of clay from all corners of the Earth and created a figure and imbued it with imagination and skill and knowledge of html code. And the Lord called this figure “Fanfiction author” and blew the breath of life into it that it might live and be able to squee.

And the Lord saw that the creation was good and the Lord said “This author is good.”

The Lord took the author up onto the mountain and spoke unto him, saying “You are a fic author, and you are My creation. These are My commandments. Follow them or flames shall reign down upon you and fill your email accounts.”

And the author was much afraid, and said unto the Lord “…okay…”

And these were the commandments the Lord lay down for the author, ten in number. And the number of the commandments was ten, and they numbered ten. There were ten commandments.
genre:crack  meta  lolz.forever  thetruthaboutfandom 
march 2012 by scorpionvoices
xkcd: Late-Night PBS
Then it switched to these old black-and-white tapes of Bob Ross slumped against the wall of an empty room, painting the least happy trees you've ever seen. Either PBS needs to beef up studio security or I need to stop using Ambien to sleep.
webcomic  xkcd  lolz.forever 
march 2012 by scorpionvoices
Hockey Hugs: Friendly facewashing; Ryan Getz-love; Chris Neil gets a puppy | Puck Daddy - Yahoo! Sports
Full disclosure: this is the first hockey hug we've ever featured that fills me with full-blown envy. If I was given a coupon for one free hockey hug, I'd make it Chara, and I'd do it exactly how Seguin's doing it -- with a triumphant leap.
pics  article  lolz.forever  opinion:adorable 
march 2012 by scorpionvoices
Photo Gallery - TV Couples 2012: Playing Cupid with Favorite Characters - TV Shows & TV Series Pictures & Photos | TWoP
The last time we tried helping our favorite TV characters on by playing matchmaker, none of them listened to us -- and today, most of them are still lonely singles (or worse!). But in the spirit of Valentine's Day, we're willing to tap into our inner Patti Stangers and once again bring together characters from different series in order to make everyone on the small screen happy.
lolz.forever 
february 2012 by scorpionvoices
sarahtales: Jane Eyre, Or: The Bride of Edward 'Crazypants' Rochester
JANE EYRE: Holy crap Mr Rochester's bed is on fire! Don't worry my cranky little damsel in distress! I will save you!
MR ROCHESTER: Jane, I am saved! Hold me!
JANE EYRE: We'd better find out who the arsonist is.
MR ROCHESTER: Jane, Jane, Jane. Why does it always have to be about 'who the arsonist is' and 'who's laughing up in the attic'? Can't we just LIVE, Jane? Can't we just smile as our beds burn around us?
JANE EYRE: This is not responsible home ownership.
MR ROCHESTER: Okay, look. Probably... the pipes set fire to...
JANE EYRE: Maybe it was that drunk servant?
MR ROCHESTER: Yeah, no, that's better. Let's go with that.
JANE EYRE: We should fire her, dude.
MR ROCHESTER: Fire a servant for a little thing like being constantly drunk and setting fire to people's beds? That's not how we do things at Thornfield Hall.
JANE EYRE: Damn, son, I have got to get me into Grace Poole's union.
MR ROCHESTER: Oh Jaaaane where are you going, when I am so scared and cold and lonely and cold, and my damp nightgown is clinging to me so fetchingly?
JANE EYRE: Sleep tight, buddy!
MR ROCHESTER: Jane, come back! WE CAN JUST CUDDLE!
meta  parody  opinion:awesome  lolz.forever  for-kayla  @lj 
february 2012 by scorpionvoices
ship_manifesto: The Trickster and the Wolverine: a movieverse Logan/Remy manifesto
Over the last year or so, I've fallen down the well of Logan/Remy fics. Tragically, it seems I was a few years too late on this-- a lot of the comicverse fic for this pairing seems to have disappeared with Geocities, and the movie X-Men Origins: Wolverine came out in 2009 and spawned surprisingly little fic. But why? You might argue that X-Men Origins: Wolverine was not a particularly good movie, and I would agree with you on that count. But think of it as an asset: any fanfiction you write or read is almost guaranteed to be more coherent than its source material! Also, COME ON YOU GUYS, Hugh Jackman and Taylor Kitsch? COME ON.

Ahem. Anyway. Here's a quick rundown on the movieverse versions of these characters, since I think that is the version where this ship makes the most sense, and also the version where there is the least amount of complicated backstory to wade through. In my own fic I tend to pull in pieces of comics canon as it suits me--particularly to fill in Remy's backstory-- and I'll be doing that here, too. However, this is mostly a movieverse essay.
manifesto  co:x-men  p:xmen:logan/remy  lolz.forever  for-kayla  @lj 
january 2012 by scorpionvoices
Supreme Court Overturns 'Right v. Wrong' | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
"If you look at the current makeup of the court, the verdict is hardly surprising," said law professor Erwin Chemerinsky, adding that given recent decisions to permit unlimited corporate spending in electoral politics, crack down on civil liberties, and allow the execution of Troy Davis to proceed, he believed the justices had been angling to do away with Right for some time. "It's long been clear Roberts and Alito were in the camp favoring wrong, and Scalia's passionate criticism of the Right decision almost certainly swayed Justice Kennedy."

"As for Justice Thomas, he was practically asleep when the attorneys representing Good gave their oral arguments," Chemerinsky added. "In terms of his job, that was definitely the wrong thing to do, so he made it pretty clear which side he was on."
article  lolz.forever  @the.onion 
january 2012 by scorpionvoices
Twinkle Twinkle Tony Stark. | mostengaging.tumblr.com
Twinkle, twinkle Tony Stark
with all that power in your heart.
Up above the city you fly
fighting bad guys in the sky.
art:fanart  m:ironman  lolz.forever  c:ironman:tony  medium:macro  for-kayla  @tumblr  via:blueMeridian 
january 2012 by scorpionvoices
elynross: Oh, the clammanity! Clams, anti-clams, and steamed clams.
Dorinda So there's this thing. That I have noticed that I really really like. And I gave it kind of a name. First, we have the character-type of "the clam." Character with a lot of passion and sensitivity who keeps (or at least primarily *tries* to keep) it all bottled up and suppressed, for the greater good, for self-protection, for whatever.

[info]tzikeh You find them in all your better fandoms.
meta  lolz.forever  for-kayla  for-cindy  @lj 
january 2012 by scorpionvoices
Video proof that Mark Sheppard is science fiction's ultimate badass
With his recent appearance on Doctor Who, Mark Sheppard cemented his place as science fiction's greatest character actor. But we've been loving Sheppard for years...and we assembled this video of every last one of his scifi roles to prove his awesomeness.

This covers the greatest Sheppard moments, from his recent appearances on Warehouse 13 and Supernatural to his early work on The X-Files and Star Trek: Voyager. It's eighteen years worth of larger-than-life performances, snarky banter, and moral ambiguity, complete with at least a half-dozen different accents, multiple threats of bodily harm, and a couple of the most ridiculous face prosthetics we've ever seen.
video  lolz.forever  for-kayla 
january 2012 by scorpionvoices
Men Photographed in Stereotypical Pin-Up Poses
“Men-ups!” is a humorous project by photographer Rion Sabean featuring men doing pin-up-style poses. It’s interesting how much more absurd some poses instantly look when they’re being done by men.
art  photography  yakyakyak:feminism  opinion:interesting  lolz.forever 
january 2012 by scorpionvoices
Come On, Charlie, Let It Fill Your Soul
The greatest ever photoset of Shemar Moore and Matthew Gray Gubler being AMAZINGLY GAY. Highly recommended for the lolz and the hotness factor.
pics  tv:criminalminds  lolz.forever  @tumblr  crapkaylasendsme 
december 2011 by scorpionvoices
mithrigil: THE SPARRING LEADS TO SEX: a Manifest
First off, "The Sparring Leads to Sex" is not "Slap Slap Kiss". "Slap Slap Kiss" is when two characters who are both-still-angry at each other decide to get it on. Slap Slap Kiss is not necessary violent, and even less necessarily combative or structured. Sometimes Slap Slap Kiss overlaps with The Sparring Leads to Sex as a motivation and spark, but oddly enough I tend to find this less hot. Perhaps this is because when it escalates to a sufficiently violent level to also qualify as The Sparring Leads to Sex, Slap Slap Kiss is much less about the physicality of the fight.

The Sparring Leads to Sex, at core, requires an enjoyment of fighting, or at least of fighting each other. At least one participant in the fight has to appreciate the fists flying.
meta  opinion:interesting  lolz.forever  for-kayla  for-cindy  @lj 
november 2011 by scorpionvoices
Nation's Gays Demand Right To Library Cards | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
WASHINGTON, DC—In another salvo in the ongoing civil-rights battle, the Gay And Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation announced the formation of a broad new campaign supporting full library-card privileges for homosexuals.
@the.onion  article  lolz.forever 
november 2011 by scorpionvoices
mona1347: The Drugs of Fandom
You know how all you fangeeks out there sometimes lean back a little from your computer screens, rub the glow from your eyes and say, "Whoa. What the hell am I doing? Did I really just spend 4 hours reading Snape/Dumbledore hurt-comfort because it's by THAT author I'll whore myself out to for absolutely anything omg I would follow them into hell?"

Well I believe that fandom is every bit as a) enjoyable and b) addictive as hard drugs.

I have this whole theory about fandoms and the drugs they are analogous to. It goes something like this:
meta  lolz.forever  thetruthaboutfandom  @lj  for-kayla  for-cindy 
october 2011 by scorpionvoices
Lacey McBain: Nine Reasons to Continue Watching Smallville
You know, I saw this on [info]quiet__tiger's journal, and I thought, "wow - nine reasons - that's a great idea." Then I couldn't actually come up with nine for myself, so my husband decided to help me. Yeah, this turned out to be more of a "why we love to mock Smallville" than anything else, but here goes anyway.
lolz.forever  tv:smallville  journal:entry  author:laceymcbain 
september 2011 by scorpionvoices
Urban Dictionary: wwjkd
What Would James Kirk Do? When stuck in a life-threatening, impossible situation with no realistic plausible means of escape, only a plan thought up by James "Jim" Kirk would work.
@urbandictionary  lolz.forever 
september 2011 by scorpionvoices
iphignia939: Pimp Posts & You: The Vampire Diaries (season 2)
The Vampire Diaries is what happens when True Blood and Twilight have a surly, murderous, really hot baby.

No, seriously.

You would think, from the shorthand--teenage girl torn between two vampire brothers--that that is total bullshit. And if that was what the show was about in its entirety, you might be right. That's just shorthand, though. The actual story is more like "teenage girl torn between two vampire brothers realizes, like, two months in that if that was her entire problem, her life would be SO MUCH FUCKING SIMPLER".

Also, it is balls-out awesome.
author:iphignia939  pimp.post  tv:vampirediaries  lolz.forever  pics  @lj 
september 2011 by scorpionvoices
here is the part where everyone was happy all the time -
Ahem.

I am very disappointed in all of you.

How come I just found out about Teen Wolf last night?
author:imogenedisease  journal:entry  lolz.forever  tv:teenwolf  post:reactionpost  readthecomments!!  @lj 
september 2011 by scorpionvoices
Come On, Charlie, Let It Fill Your Soul
"That actually took me awhile. I had to put more and more nickles into his handset until he got used to the weight, and then I just took 'em all out."
lolz.forever  gif{s}  theoffice  crapkaylasendsme  @tumblr 
september 2011 by scorpionvoices
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