scorpionvoices + hilarity   996

Inappropriate Fear Response - Ramabear (RyMagnatar) - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
They're six days into the mission that should have been a cakewalk. Shisui has a brilliant idea to flush out the bandits hidden on the side of Bear Mountain, although the rest of his team isn't so keen on the 'set fire to the mountainside'. At first.

Uchiha Shisui has a bit more of a lust for fire than your average Konoha ninja, and, Kakashi thinks, a completely inappropriate response to running pell-mell down the side of a burning mountain. Of course he does. He's an Uchiha. They're all mental. [4232]
fic  an:naruto  au:everyonelives  c:naru:shisui  c:naru:kakashi  theme:questing  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  theme:firstkiss  theme:dating  hilarity  n:unusualpairing  p:naru:kakashi/shisui  ge:slash  ge:action  r:pg-13  @ao3 
august 2018 by scorpionvoices
You Don't Pick Just One - phantasmist - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
Kakashi wishes he had listened when he was warned that dating one Uchiha meant dating them all. Obito tries to explain that cousin-pile is just fact of life. [1216]

[Ngl, I cackled.]
fic  an:naruto  au:everyonelives  c:naru:obito  c:naru:kakashi  c:naru:sasuke  c:naru:itachi  c:naru:shunsui  theme:establishedrelationship  theme:family  theme:domesticity  theme:cultureclash  theme:cuddling  theme:snark  hilarity  p:naru:kakashi/obito  ge:slash  ge:fluff  r:pg-13  @ao3  o:adorable 
august 2018 by scorpionvoices
damnatio memoriae - temporalDecay - Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]
“May I walk the estate?” Emhyr repeated, and his nose crinkled in that familiar twitch of displeasure that Geralt had always secretly delighted in causing, despite how downright suicidal it was to invoke it on purpose. “I'm not going to run away,” he added, with a slight glare. “I'm merely bored.”

“Oh,” Geralt said, eloquent. “Ah. Sure?” [12044]

[The one where Emhyr is cursed with amnesia and no one believes he's the emperor except Geralt.]
fic  g:witcher  c:witcher:geralt  c:witcher:emhyr  c:witcher:barnabas-basil  c:witcher:regis  c:witcher:ciri  trope:amnesia  trope:curse  theme:friendship  theme:domesticity  theme:frenemies  theme:snark  theme:competency!!!  hilarity  p:witcher:emhyr/geralt  ge:slash  r:nc-17  @ao3 
august 2018 by scorpionvoices
Of Drapings and Their Trappings - Artemis1000 - Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) [Archive of Our Own]
Needing to look fashionable, Han is going to wear one of his capes tonight. This doesn't do a thing to Lando. Absolutely nothing. He's completely unaffected. [1387]
fic  u:starwars  m:solo  c:sw:lando  c:sw:han  theme:shenanigans  theme:pining  theme:seduction  hilarity  p:sw:han/lando  ge:slash  r:pg-13  @ao3 
may 2018 by scorpionvoices
Little Differences - Amuly - The Lord of the Rings (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]
Four Things Legolas and Gimli Found Differed Between Them... and One Thing That Was the Same [5265]
“You lie with this hairless tall one, who looks down his nose at us from his highest seat as first born?!”

“You allow one of those mistakenly-created imperfect ones to lie with your blessed figure?”

Abruptly the hall erupted, simmering tensions between the two sides of the table finally bubbling over into a full, roaring boil. Dwarves jumped onto the table and stormed across it: elves threw them to the ground like they were ripe fruit falling to the forest floor. Legolas and Gimli stood on opposite sides of the table, staring longingly at each other as their families battled it out.

Aragorn sat with his head on the table, while Arwen rubbed his back and looked on her kinsmen disapprovingly.
fic  b:lordoftherings  style:fivethings  c:lotr:gimli  c:lotr:legolas  c:lotr:aragorn  theme:cultureclash  theme:friendship  theme:establishedrelationship  theme:love  theme:first-time  theme:racism  theme:HEA  theme:shenanigans  hilarity  p:lotr:gimli/legolas  ge:slash  r:nc-17  @ao3 
may 2017 by scorpionvoices
Just Another Tuesday Afternoon - Thorne - Final Fantasy VII [Archive of Our Own]
"I hope you've learned a lesson from this," Sephiroth said later, gingerly picking off melted marshmallow goo from the back of his glove.

"Not in the least," Zack said cheerfully, through a mouthful of marshmallow. There were the remains of three more melted ones stuck in his hair, as collateral damage from when he'd called Sephiroth a carnal cake cockblocker. [1459]
fic  g:FFVII  pre-series  c:ff7:zack  c:ff7:sephiroth  c:ff7:cloud  c:ff7:reno  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  OT3  p:ff7:cloud/sephiroth/zack  ge:crack  ge:slash  r:pg-13  @ao3  hilarity 
september 2016 by scorpionvoices
Jon Snow gets progressively more upset
so i found my old vcd-copy of harry potter and the chamber of secrets and… i don’t know what’s more entertaining, the movie or the subtitles.

[WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON]
post:media  b:harrypotter  hilarity  o.O  @tumblr 
july 2015 by scorpionvoices
entanglednow: Osmosis
Sam glares at Gabriel through his hair, and drips pointedly on the crappy motel carpet. He's never been a fan of being soaking wet and Dean knows exactly how to push until that frustration becomes something bright and sharp, until it's enough to make him do something. Apparently Gabriel knows how to push too, even if he hasn't realised it yet. Dean thinks maybe his little brother is about to make a point.
ficlet  tv:supernatural  oneshot  c:spn:dean  c:spn:sam  c:spn:gabriel  c:spn:castiel  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  theme:boysaredorks  theme:revenge  hilarity  ge:gen  r:pg  a:entanglednow  @lj 
february 2015 by scorpionvoices
The Right to Arm Bears - cyndisision - Marvel Cinematic Universe, Captain America (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]
Bucky Bear didn't ask to get made. He didn’t ask to get assembled out of pieces and parts and snippets of lost memory, and turned into some little monster. He especially didn’t ask to become a walking, talking reminder of everything James Barnes has lost.

In which Tony Stark has no sense of what’s appropriate in a gag gift, and never does anything by halves—even creating a plush bear AI based on his friend’s long-lost assassin sidekick. [6486]
fic  u:marvel  m:captainamerica  m:Avengers12  c:avengers:oc  c:cap:bucky  c:ironman:tony  c:avengers:clint  c:avengers:natasha  theme:robots  theme:angst  theme:snark  theme:friendship  theme:fixing  theme:competency!!!  hilarity  ge:gen  r:pg-13  @ao3 
january 2015 by scorpionvoices
Of Dragons and Ice - afterandalasia - Frozen (2013), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]
They sent off the Berk delegation with five barrels of the best Arendelle salmon and two of lutefisk, which turned out to be as good as dragonnip for calling down dragons of all sorts. And, somehow, Gobber. But Stoick just sort of shrugged at that one.

“It’s been a pleasure to spend time in your Kingdom, Your Majesty,” he said, bowing. Elsa discreetly stepped back out of the range of his helmet. [2906]
fic  u:disney  m:frozen  crossover  u:dreamworks  m:howtotrainyourdragon  c:frozen:elsa  c:frozen:annac:httyd:hiccup  c:httyd:toothless  theme:friendship  theme:politics  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  theme:sliceoflife  hilarity  ge:gen  r:pg  @ao3 
january 2015 by scorpionvoices
waldorph.
They all think that it’s a new hobby, and Steve lets them. But Bucky’s been able to do a mean cross-stitch since before Steve met him, said he learned it from his mother, and then it was something to bring in extra money, and then it’d been applied to sewing the rest of the Howlers up—
ficlet  u:marvel  m:Avengers12  c:avengers:steve  c:cap:bucky  c:avengers:clint  theme:friendship  theme:fixing  ge:gen  hilarity  r:pg-13  a:waldorph  @tumblr 
may 2014 by scorpionvoices
Captain America Has No Time for Your Dumbassery - RurouniHime - The Avengers (Marvel Movies) [Archive of Our Own]
Steve’s face is now absolutely thunderous. “You’ve got a lot of nerve. How dare you even suggest that I would own one of, of those?”

“What the hell?” Tony mouths. They both lean forward in their respective seats, frowning at Steve.

“Son,” Steve declares, “I’ll have you know that I am a good, God-fearing man. I would never let one of those nests of pornography and, and information into my home. I have children, lots of very immature drunk children who... Well, I don’t know who you’ve been talking to lately, but I own old-fashioned glass windows, not these newfangled Microsoft—You shut your heathen mouth!” Steve cries suddenly into the phone and Tony snorts soda right up his nose. [860]
ficlet  u:marvel  m:captainamerica  c:cap:sam  c:ironman:tony  c:avengers:steve  theme:friendship  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  theme:establishedrelationship  hilarity  p:marvel:steve/tony  ge:slash  ge:crackish  r:pg  @ao3 
april 2014 by scorpionvoices
Attention Paid, Affection Played - bendingsignpost - Sherlock (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
Three years into their relationship, Sherlock has trouble staying on topic in the bedroom. Even so, that doesn't mean John can't manage to keep his interest. [3307]
fic  tv:sherlock  c:SH:watson  c:SH:holmes  theme:establishedrelationship  theme:jealousy  theme:love  kink:roleplay  hilarity  p:sh:john/sherlock  ge:slash  r:nc-17  @ao3 
march 2014 by scorpionvoices
Professor Jackass - toestastegood - X-Men (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]
Logan finds himself in bed with an unconscious Scott and a set of marker pens. He's hardly responsible for what he does next. [1206]
fic  u:marvel  m:x-men1&2&3  c:xmen:logan  c:xmen:scott  theme:establishedrelationship  theme:shenanigans  kink:marking  hilarity  p:xmen:logan/scott  ge:slash  r:nc-17  a:toestastegood  @ao3 
march 2014 by scorpionvoices
Deadpool and Spider-man by tangledinthread on deviantART
A/N: After reading the Deadpool/Spider-man team up comic "Monkey Business" I thought it'd be cute to do a picture where Deadpool's being a dork and Spider-man's pissed just because Deadpool is even near him. :lol:
art:fanart  u:marvel  co:spiderman  co:deadpool  c:spiderman:peter  c:marvel:deadpool  art:style-chibi  hilarity  o:adorable  ge:gen  r:g  @deviantart 
march 2014 by scorpionvoices
Brightness all - acaramelmacchiato - Protector of the Small - Tamora Pierce [Archive of Our Own]
When Kel opened a letter sealed with the arms of Cavall and addressed from her former training master, she laughed aloud to discover that the subject of the letter was puppies. [1135]
fic  b:tortall  post-series  c:tortall:kel  c:tortall:wyldon  c:tortall:neal  theme:holidays  theme:pets  theme:friendship  theme:snark  hilarity  ge:gen  r:pg  a:acaramelmacchiato  @ao3  challenge:yuletide2013 
january 2014 by scorpionvoices
Worth a Thousand Words - jessalae - Brave (2012) [Archive of Our Own]
Gifts from suitors require a tactful response. Merida isn't very good at tactful responses. [661]

[Basically, I want to be Merida when I grow up.]
ficlet  u:disney  m:brave  c:disney:merida  c:brave:elinor  c:brave:youngmacintosh  theme:courtship  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  o:adorable  hilarity  ge:gen  r:pg  @ao3  challenge:yuletidemadness2013 
january 2014 by scorpionvoices
It's an origins story - nyargles - Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
It's not a very exciting origins story. It's not like Tony Stark becoming Iron Man or the tale of Captain America. It's not about their abusive childhoods or freak accidents being the cause of special powers. It's about a lot of hard work and a lot of swearing. It's about tears and dreams and talking too much, too quickly, and professors who didn't believe in their genius. It's Leo Fitz and Jemma Simmons and SHIELD. It's Fitz-Simmons. [1606]
fic  u:marvel  tv:agentsofSHIELD  c:shield:fitz  c:shield:simmons  characterstudy  worldbuilding  theme:friendship  theme:growingup  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  hilarity  o:awesome  ge:gen  r:pg  @ao3 
october 2013 by scorpionvoices
Come Out With Your Hands Up High - dedougal - Teen Wolf (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
Kidnapping is all too current an occurrence for Sheriff Stilinski nowadays. But spell casting is one bit of the supernatural he hadn't quite got his mind around just yet. Especially when it's directed at him and his partner in kidnapping, Chris Argent. [5317] [Another example of the awesome that is Team Hot Dads!]
fic  tv:teenwolf  c:teenwolf:sheriff  c:teenwolf:chris  c:teenwolf:ensemble  trope:__madethemdoit  trope:curse  theme:captivity  theme:totherescue!  theme:friendship  theme:first-time  o:awesome  hilarity  p:teenwolf:chris/sheriff  ge:slash  ge:drama  r:nc-17  @ao3 
october 2013 by scorpionvoices
Limit Break - etherati - Welcome to Night Vale [Archive of Our Own]
There are only so many bad managerial decisions that can be tolerated, especially if you want the show that's being managed--and the man attached to it--to survive.

Or: The one where Carlos almost breaks his hand. On management's face(??). [1559] [The title is still cracking me up]
fic  misc:welcometonightvale  c:nv:cecil  c:nv:carlos  style:enmediasres  theme:establishedrelationship  theme:totherescue!  hilarity  p:nv:carlos/cecil  ge:action  ge:slash  r:pg-13  @ao3 
october 2013 by scorpionvoices
Small Ones - determamfidd - The Avengers (2012) [Archive of Our Own]
A fight with Amora the Enchantress leaves the Avengers... a little altered. Hulk isn't very impressed with this turn of events. Neither, as it turns out, is Bruce. [5384]
fic  u:marvel  m:Avengers12  c:avengers:hulk  c:avengers:bruce  c:avengers:clint  c:avengers:thor  c:ironman:tony  c:avengers:natasha  c:avengers:steve  trope:deaged  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  hilarity  theme:team!  theme:totherescue!  opinion:adorable  LOLZ  genre:gen  r:pg  @ao3 
july 2013 by scorpionvoices
You're My Moon - sabinelagrande - Welcome to Night Vale [Archive of Our Own]
"The moon," Cecil says. "Has anybody ever really studied it? Do we even know what it is?"

Carlos hopes that Cecil can't see his face in the semi-darkness of the rooftop. The lab has a neon sign that says G ASSES HUT and turns on and off randomly, despite the fact that it's not hooked up to anything. It's on now, and Carlos can see Cecil's face in the cool blue glow; but no, he's looking up at the sky, not noticing the "are you fucking shitting me" look on Carlos's face. [853]
ficlet  misc:welcometonightvale  episoderelated  c:nv:carlos  c:nv:cecil  theme:friendship  theme:snark  hilarity  theme:establishedrelationship  opinion:cute  p:nv:carlos/cecil  genre:slash  r:pg  a:sabinelagrande  @ao3 
july 2013 by scorpionvoices
A Whole World of Trouble - sheafrotherdon - Stargate Atlantis [Archive of Our Own]
John Sheppard's a singer in the local honky-tonk; Rodney McKay's newly moved into town. Dating ensues. [8583] [Ugh, this is so freaking cute. What is it about SGA that makes AUs so candy-coated addictive?]
fic  tv:stargateatlantis  au:realworld  c:sga:john  c:sga:rodney  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  theme:dating  hilarity  theme:first-time  opinion:adorable  p:sga:john/rodney  genre:slash  r:r  a:sheafrotherdon  @ao3 
july 2013 by scorpionvoices
Little Spider - TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel - Sherlock (TV), The Avengers (2012), Avengers (Comics) [Archive of Our Own]
The thing is, Harry is too young to remember – she was only three when Natalie Watson ‘died’ in a horrible and dramatic car crash, in which her body was burned beyond recognition – but growing up, John basically thought everyone’s life was like his. That other people secretly spoke Russian as a second language, that other people’s mothers showed them behind closed doors how to take out someone’s knees in one blow, and talked to strangers in long coats and hats sitting on benches in the park, and that like him, no one else was allowed to talk about it (especially not to Daddy), either.

By the time that he was old enough to learn how to kill a man with his bare hands, though, John had worked out that his mother was different from other mothers, and that most people did not, in fact, learn to do all the things he did, or take notes to Andrei who always sat on the bench where John would feed the ducks. [2571]
fic  tv:sherlock  crossover  u:marvel  m:Avengers12  c:SH:watson  c:avengers:natasha  trope:implausiblerelatives  theme:family  theme:growingup  theme:competency!!!  theme:secrets  hilarity  theme:snark  genre:gen  r:pg-13  a:tardisistheonlywaytotravel  @ao3 
june 2013 by scorpionvoices
annerbhp: Stockholm Syndrome
“This is embarrassing,” Colonel O’Neill complained.

Sam, whose mind had wandered rather far from their current predicament, glanced over at her CO as far as her restraints would allow. The Colonel was staring longingly at the open door on the opposite side of the chamber. Sam wondered if he’d noticed the unlocked door behind them and off to the right. She’s pretty sure she’d fit through the window just next to their guard too. Not that it really mattered. God knew they could probably just walk out of the room with little incident. Their captors weren’t even armed. [1537]
fic  tv:stargatesg1  c:sg1:sam  c:sg1:jack  c:sg1:daniel  c:sg1:ferretti  theme:shenanigans  theme:friendship  theme:team!  theme:captivity  theme:selfrescue  hilarity  ge:gen  r:pg  @lj  for-brittany 
may 2013 by scorpionvoices
Heatwave - calvinahobbes - Elementary (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
There is a heatwave, and Joan would like some privacy to sleep in the buff. Sherlock promises... well, he promises not to look. [822]
ficlet  u:SH  tv:elementary  c:elementary:joan  c:elementary:sherlock  theme:friendship  theme:shenanigans  hilarity  theme:boysaredorks  genre:gen  r:pg  a:calvinahobbes  @ao3  for-kayla 
may 2013 by scorpionvoices
The (Organic) Broccoli Test - Lyrstzha - Angel: the Series [Archive of Our Own]
As Spike and Illyria hash out the domestic issues of their life in Cleveland, Illyria discovers that maintaning her mortal body is more trouble than she expected, and Spike discovers that it's nice to still be needed by someone. [1128]
fic  tv:angel  post-canon  c:btvs:spike  c:ats:illyria  theme:domesticity  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  theme:friendship  theme:broccolitest  genre:gen  r:pg  @ao3  hilarity 
may 2013 by scorpionvoices
The Hobbit Kink Meme - Prompt Post 8 -- Minifill, by anon
Do you know the real reason hobbits live quietly in the Shire?

It's because all the other races banded together and banished them from the world's conflicts.

It just wasn't FAIR! Hobbits were tiny, adorable, and downright vicious with any weapon they picked up! No one else got to have any fun!

So the hobbits were disqualified and sent to live peaceful lives in the Shire; thus the battles of Middle Earth became a lot more bloody and a whole lot longer.


Bonus: It wasn't just the Men, Elves, and Dwarves that kicked them out; the Goblins, Orcs, and other evil beings fully agreed with the disqualification.
ficlet  b:lordoftherings  comment!fic  c:lotr:bilbo  c:lotr:thorin  c:lotr:thranduil  c:lotr:gandalf  hilarity  theme:shenanigans  genre:crack  rating:pg-13  @lj  challenge:kinkmeme 
march 2013 by scorpionvoices
The Hobbit Kink Meme - Prompt Post part 6 (closed to new prompts)
They are both middle-aged. She is married (to a ghost) and he is a confirmed bachelor. He is a ridiculous tweenager in love with a dwarf (why a big person anyways?) and got his heart broken.

It happens.

She doesn’t do comforting well. When the Incident happened (she cried and sobbed) she had still pulled out her favorite, best umbrella to arrive on Bilbo’s doorstep as always. Bilbo had been unusually kind (he had attempted to comfort her) but her sharp words quickly put that motion out of his head (he looked sad for her when she left).

It was only fair to return the favor, and she had awkwardly put her arm around him in comfort.

Bilbo leaned into Lobelia, and she leaned back.
fic  comment!fic  b:lordoftherings  c:lotr:lobelia  c:lotr:bilbo  c:lotr:lotho  c:lotr:dwalin  c:lotr:kili  c:lotr:nori  theme:friendship  theme:grief  theme:h/c  theme:snark  theme:competency!!!  theme:womenareawesome  hilarity  theme:shenanigans  theme:undercover  theme:family  theme:courtship  unusualpairing  p:lotr:bilbo/kili  p:lotr:dwalin/lobelia  genre:multi  genre:drama  rating:pg-13  @lj  challenge:kinkmeme 
february 2013 by scorpionvoices
dusting down the stars - brodinsons (aeon_entwined) - Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo, Les Misérables (2012) [Archive of Our Own]
Filling a prompt on the kinkmeme:

Modern AU. Anything that involves Cosette and Marius having a conversation like this:

"So, what's the deal with your blond friend and the one who kept trying to convince me to drink something alcoholic? Are they together or not?"
"I honestly don't know"
"They're your friends, how can you not know?"
"What's the deal with your father and that cop?"
"... Well played". [930]
ficlet  b:lesmisérables  au:modern  c:lesmis:cosette  c:lesmis:marius  c:lesmis:javert  c:lesmis:valjean  theme:establishedrelationship  theme:snark  theme:domesticity  theme:comingout  hilarity  p:lesmis:cosette/marius  p:lesmis:javert/valjean  genre:multi  rating:r  @ao3  challenge:kinkmeme 
february 2013 by scorpionvoices
Hello, tailor.: Person Of Interest: The man in the suit.
Person Of Interest is three different genre shows stuck together. For Detectives Carter and Fusco it's a police procedural drama, whereas John Reese lives in a spy thriller and Harold Finch's story is gradually edging towards being a full-on dystopian cyberpunk sci-fi. Overall it's marketed as a crime show, more or less, which is what it mostly looks like on the outside. Like the majority of characters in procedural cop shows Carter and Fusco have very boring dress-sense, for practical and professional reasons. In costume design terms, the real interest lies with Finch and Reese.
tv:personofinterest  post:meta  hilarity  opinion:awesome  @hellotailor 
february 2013 by scorpionvoices
nining has feelings
Beacon Hills Pack Awkward Holiday Photo Take 57:

“OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE WILL ALL WEREWOLVES JUST PLEASE NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT THE CAMERA?!”

—-

also known as myships_letmeshowyouthem.jpg
art:fanart  tv:teenwolf  c:teenwolf:jackson  c:teenwolf:danny  c:teenwolf:scott  c:teenwolf:allison  c:teenwolf:lydia  c:teenwolf:boyd  c:teenwolf:erica  c:teenwolf:derek  c:teenwolf:stiles  c:teenwolf:isaac  theme:holidays  hilarity  opinion:adorable  genre:het  p:teenwolf:boyd/erica  p:teenwolf:allison/scott  rating:pg  artist:nininghasfeelings  @tumblr 
february 2013 by scorpionvoices
explodinq pens
#i don't even know #stony #good omens #fanart #my art #addicted to crossovers #michellicoptarts
art:fanart  u:marvel  m:Avengers12  crossover  b:goodomens  c:avengers:steve  c:ironman:tony  p:marvel:steve/tony  hilarity  artist:michellicopter  @tumblr 
january 2013 by scorpionvoices
explodinq pens
#sterek #teen wolf #stiles #derek hale #i saw that one gif of derek's booty shot #YOU KNOW THE ONE #and then this happened idek #fanart #my art #michellicoptarts #gif [...This is one of the strangest and yet most delightful things I've seen on tumblr]
art:fanart  gif{s}  tv:teenwolf  c:teenwolf:stiles  c:teenwolf:derek  reaction:o.O  hilarity  p:teenwolf:derek/stiles  artist:michellicopter  @tumblr 
january 2013 by scorpionvoices
teen wolf coffee orders!
Mama McCall: Depends on the time of day. If it’s just before an early shift, she’ll have a dark roast with room for cream; if it’s just before a night shift, she’ll have a triple-shot mocha. If it’s just after a rough shift, she’ll have “Whatever the hell will be fastest, I have twelve hours before I have to get back to the hospital and a kid to see.” If it’s autumn, she’ll have a pumpkin spice latte, because fuck you, pumpkin spice lattes are delicious.

Papa Stilinski: Has discovered that Stiles has not yet discovered that he can order a milkshake without getting ratted on by concerned citizens if he just does it at a coffee place. Call them whatever you want—frappawhatsits, happy blender accidents, he doesn’t care. They’re milkshakes, and they’re his little secret, alright?

Finstock: GODDAMN IT, GREENBERG, THIS ISN’T WHAT I ORDERED
meta  tv:teenwolf  c:teenwolf:ensemble  genre:crackish  hilarity  author:gyzym  @tumblr 
january 2013 by scorpionvoices
Kid Tested, Father Approved - peroxidepest17 - Teen Wolf (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
The one where Derek is like a box of Kix (or something).

Or, the one where the Sheriff isn't really fazed by anything, including werewolves, secret gypsy heritages, vampires, Derek Hale, Derek Hale's Emotional Constipation, Stiles' Emotional Cluelessness, and the concept of Derek Hale dating the Sheriff's 17 year old son.

Or, the one where the Sheriff knows all, sees all, and is kinda a troll. [5460]
fic  tv:teenwolf  c:teenwolf:sheriff  c:teenwolf:derek  c:teenwolf:stiles  theme:family  theme:emotionalconstipation  style:outsidePOV  theme:shenanigans  theme:boysaredorks  theme:clueless  hilarity  theme:friendship  trope:matchmaking  theme:first-time  LOLZ  p:teenwolf:derek/stiles  genre:slash  rating:pg  @ao3  favs:teenwolf 
december 2012 by scorpionvoices
Planet Sherlock - pir8fancier - Sherlock (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
John and Sherlock devise a rating system for sex. [6526] [Probably the funniest fic about John and Sherlock having experimental sex that I have ever read.]
fic  tv:sherlock  c:SH:watson  c:SH:holmes  theme:dating  theme:friendship  theme:emotionalconstipation  theme:first-time  theme:fuckbuddies  theme:shenanigans  hilarity  p:sh:john/sherlock  genre:slash  rating:nc-17  author:pir8fancier  @ao3 
december 2012 by scorpionvoices
break up [helenish]
What about a story wherein STILES is a hot, hotttt mid-twenties werewolf whose family died in a horrible fire and Derek is Scott's best friend, a weird, intense loner who has to talk to the school counselor once a week because he wore a trench coat that one time, who draws tattoos in himself in ballpoint and gets indifferent grades but occasionally blows it out of the water if he studies, whose sister is Class President and Star of the Track Team, who never stands up straight or talks voluntarily to anyone (except Scott,) and then Scott gets bitten by a werewolf and suddenly has a girlfriend and is amazing at sports and not as much time to just bum around with Derek, talking so Derek doesn't have to say much.

There are SO MANY reasons this couldn't really work, the first being that if Stiles is in charge of getting Scott on board, rooting out the alpha, making his burnt-out house livable, cutting a deal with the hunters, and playing nice with local law enforcement, you betcha it gets done, and it would make for the most boring, unsuspenseful TV ever made.

"As you can obviously tell," Stiles says, picking up a paint tray and then putting it back down. "I'm a werewolf, but not the one who's been killing people and leaving their bodies in the woods."

"Is that so," Chris Argent says. He looks up the home depot aisle and back down; it's empty except for Stiles, who's holding a fistful of paint swatches and a bucket.

"Yes, and I'm about as happy about it as you are," Stiles says. "So. If I can just get your number, I'll give you a call when I figure out who it is, and we can go fuck him up together."
fic-thing  tv:teenwolf  c:teenwolf:stiles  c:teenwolf:chris  c:teenwolf:scott  c:teenwolf:derek  au:age  hilarity  reaction:*want*  author:helenish  @dw 
november 2012 by scorpionvoices
Poke-'Vengers - feriowind - Amazing Spider-Man (2012), Captain America (2011), Iron Man (Movies), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011) [Archive of Our Own]
A series of drawings depicting characters from the Avengers with Pokemon. It starts out a little rough, but the further you follow it the more detailed and lovingly sketched they are, and the more headcanon is wordvomited into the notes. I love this series soooo much; it's by turns beautiful, hilarious, heartbreaking, and heartwarming.
art:fanart  u:marvel  m:Avengers12  m:spiderman  au:fusion  ca:pokemon  c:avengers:bruce  c:marvel:coulson  c:avengers:steve  c:ironman:tony  c:thor:loki  c:avengers:thor  c:avengers:clint  c:avengers:natasha  c:marvel:hill  c:marvel:fury  c:ironman:pepper  c:spiderman:peter  theme:friendship  theme:angst  worldbuilding  theme:grief  theme:growingup  theme:family  theme:h/c  theme:love  opinion:adorable  opinion:beautiful  hilarity  genre:gen  rating:g  artist:feriowind  @ao3 
october 2012 by scorpionvoices
Passing Chord - coffeebuddha - Hawaii Five-0 (2010) [Archive of Our Own]
In which Steve is too busy being a Michael Bay movie to call ahead, Max is too busy thinking about music to pay attention to what's happening around him, and no one really knows what Chin's thinking. [545]
ficlet  tv:hawaii5-0  c:h50:max  c:h50:chin  pov:coc  theme:boysaredorks  theme:clueless  characterstudy  hilarity  theme:firstkiss  p:h50:chin/max  unusualpairing  genre:slash  rating:pg-13  author:coffeebuddha  @ao3 
september 2012 by scorpionvoices
I Flatly Refuse To Call This "The Bend And Snap" - gyzym - Teen Wolf (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
Or, that one time I read this fantastic post and then wrote a bunch of Danny-as-a-yoga-instructor/Stiles-as-his-stressed-out-client fic? Well, some of it's fic, anyway. Some of it is....chatlogged....not!fic, look, I have basically nothing to say for myself about this one. This is summarily ridiculous, and would have been tumblr!fic except that it got, uh, too long. I just really liked the idea of these guys in yoga pants, okay? That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
fic  tv:teenwolf  chat!fic  au:magicless  c:teenwolf:stiles  c:teenwolf:danny  theme:clueless  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  theme:boysaredorks  trope:matchmaking  theme:inebriation  hilarity  p:teenwolf:danny/stiles  genre:slash  rating:r  author:gyzym  @ao3 
september 2012 by scorpionvoices
propinquitine: The Ingenious Dr. Rodney McKay of Atlantis
"Do any of our plans for dealing with Cramer include punching him in the face? Maybe pushing him off a pier?" he asked, nodding at Corporal Eriksson for another scoop of mashed siingtsa root.

"Plan seventeen," Ronon said, grabbing three glasses of Gatorade.

"Really, we're up that high?" Rodney asked as they went outside.

Ronon hmphed. "We should be."

"Should be what?" Teyla asked. She pulled Rodney's chair out for him while he set down his tray.

"Thinking up contingency plans that involve inflicting bodily harm on Cramer," Rodney replied, nodding hello to her and John. John kicked lightly at him under the table in reply.

"We need to reassess our strategy," Ronon said around a mouthful of dinner roll. "This cooperation thing sucks."

"You're just mad that no one falls for your illiteracy bit anymore, Mr. Satedan Warrior Poet, Second Class."

"Welcome to the wonderful world of administrative paperwork, buddy," John added. He flexed his hand and rolled his wrist; Rodney could see the ink stains on his fingertips.

"I'm serious. We should be planning for the future now, not re-writing reports while they plan it for us."

Teyla nodded. "It is strange that the IOA is not exhibiting more interest in charting the future of the city."

"Maybe they've actually realized that we're the best ones to do that." Rodney said.

"Or maybe they are planning it, and we just don't factor into it," John countered, stabbing a slice of meatloaf with his fork. "And when the hell did you become such an optimist?"

Rodney threw up his hands. "I don't know, sometime around the point when, oh, everything worked out for us? Hello, Wraith? Dead. Loved ones? Shockingly, alive, for the most part. Science? Beckoning! And I don't think any of us seriously believe that our lives will get boring all of a sudden." He looked around the table at them. "You can't tell me the rest of you haven't been positively giddy at the thought of what we can do now." [10,902]
fic  tv:stargateatlantis  post-series  c:sga:rodney  c:sga:john  c:sga:teyla  c:sga:ronon  theme:team!  theme:snark  theme:shenanigans  theme:friendship  theme:sliceoflife  theme:h/c  theme:firstkiss  hilarity  p:sga:john/rodney  genre:slash  rating:pg-13  @lj 
july 2012 by scorpionvoices
a girl worth fighting for - beardsley - Thor (2011), The Avengers (2012) [Archive of Our Own]
It's like talking to a wall. A wall that manhandles (womanhandles?) you often, and unashamedly, and in very public spaces. Darcy settles on pointing out, 'Getting hit by a bike courier doesn't really count as harm. I mean, compared to alien invasions and stuff.'

'This woman threatened your well-being,' Sif says with a mild frown.

And speaking of public spaces, there's a gathering crowd around them. It's like Sif has some supernatural powers of garnering the attention of mortals, but to be fair, if Darcy had thighs like that she probably wouldn't even bother with warrior-type wardrobe and just walk around naked, bestowing the honour of gazing upon her. Okay, so thinking about Sif's thighs is not a good idea.

She resists the urge to throw her hands in the air and scream. 'We're in New York,' she says, putting enough emphasis on New York it sounds more like the gates of hell. 'Everything threatens your well-being here. That's the whole point of this city.'

'I do not understand,' says Sif. It's accompanied by a blank look and hands crossed across her chest, as if she's ready to challenge this new and alien Earth custom and fight it to the death, or until it cries uncle and starts making sense. [3970]
fic  u:marvel  m:thor  c:thor:darcy  c:thor:sif  c:thor:jane  theme:friendship  theme:shenanigans  theme:cultureclash  theme:competency!!!  theme:snark  hilarity  theme:firstkiss  p:thor:darcy/sif  genre:femslash  rating:pg-13  @ao3 
july 2012 by scorpionvoices
the helicarrier - gdgdbaby - The Avengers (2012), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe [Archive of Our Own]
avengers mockumentary fic. set half a year or so after the events of the movie.

||
"I was told cutting a hole in a box and placing my hammer inside it would be an appropriate gift," Thor says, looking confused. "I do not understand. She would not be able to lift the package either way."

"Uh," Clint says, struggling hard to keep a straight face. "Don't mention that around Jane."

Tony whips his cell phone out and starts tapping away.





"I run a Twitter account called Shit Thor Says." Tony holds the phone up to the camera. "It has over two hundred thousand followers." [3230]
fic  u:marvel  m:Avengers12  post-movie  c:ironman:tony  c:avengers:steve  c:avengers:clint  c:avengers:natasha  c:avengers:bruce  c:avengers:thor  c:thor:darcy  c:marvel:coulson  c:marvel:fury  c:marvel:hill  theme:sliceoflife  theme:shenanigans  theme:snark  theme:boysaredorks  theme:team!  hilarity  genre:gen  genre:crackish  rating:pg-13  author:gdgdbaby  @ao3 
june 2012 by scorpionvoices
Fleet-Footed and Caught - Memlu - Thor (2011) [Archive of Our Own]
He swallowed. A muscle in his jaw fluttered. "We both know it was only ever a passing fancy."

"It was never that to me," said Sif.

"What?" said Thor again.

"I must echo the sentiment," said Fandral. "What?" [2020] [Sif and Loki try to have a moment with fratboy!Thor and the Stooges Three providing background moronics.]
fic  u:marvel  m:thor  c:thor:sif  c:thor:loki  c:avengers:thor  c:thor:ensemble  theme:angst  theme:runningaway  theme:love  theme:snark  theme:secretlovers  theme:establishedrelationship  opinion:adorable  hilarity  p:thor:loki/sif  author:memlu  @ao3 
may 2012 by scorpionvoices
Steði As He Goes - LizaPod - Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012) [Archive of Our Own]
The hammer is his penis.

Or rather, Thor's dick is a hammer, and Clint's ass is the nail. ||

#Sparring #Banter #non-relationship sex #manhandling #Consensual Violence #the author makes a lot of unnecessary pop culture references and in jokes #Buttsex #sodomy #Blowjobs #The god of slutty bisexual archers is Cupid #the god of really impressive cocks is Thor [8061]
fic  u:marvel  m:Avengers12  c:avengers:clint  c:avengers:thor  c:avengers:steve  c:avengers:natasha  theme:snark  theme:friendship  theme:shenanigans  theme:first-time  genre:smut  kink:size  kink:roughsex  kink:publicsex  hilarity  p:marvel:clint/thor  @ao3 
may 2012 by scorpionvoices
the morning lights - ashcheche - The Avengers (2012) [Archive of Our Own]
When Darcy hears about the Battle of Manhattan, the first thing she does is laugh for about ten minutes solid into her pillow.

“You missed the Battle of Manhattan,” Jane says on the phone. “Oh my god, I can’t believe we’re friends.”

(In which Darcy meets Bruce, and then they actually sort of figure out what they're doing, but not really, because this is Darcy and Bruce we're talking about here.) [2263]
fic  u:marvel  m:Avengers12  post-movie  c:thor:darcy  c:avengers:bruce  c:ironman:tony  c:avengers:natasha  theme:firstmeetings  theme:friendship  theme:dating  theme:shenanigans  theme:firstkiss  p:marvel:bruce/darcy  a:ashcheche  @ao3  hilarity  for-kayla 
may 2012 by scorpionvoices
Story Time with Thor - shadowen - The Avengers (2012) [Archive of Our Own]
One of the earliest truths learned by the children of heroes is the simple, universally accepted fact that Thor tells the best stories.

|||

Neither Thor nor the children notice Phil as he smiles and slips away from his place at the door. Later, he sighs at Clint and says, “I swear that story gets worse every time he tells it.”

Clint, predictably, laughs. “If by ‘worse’ you mean ‘more awesome’. That story makes you sound like fucking Gilgamesh.” [3925]
fic  u:marvel  m:Avengers12  post-movie  c:avengers:thor  c:marvel:coulson  c:avengers:clint  theme:futurefic  theme:kids  theme:friendship  theme:shenanigans  theme:selfrescue  theme:snark  theme:love  p:marvel:clint/coulson  genre:slash  rating:pg-13  @ao3  for-kayla  for-brittany  hilarity 
may 2012 by scorpionvoices
sabinetzin: Fever High
It's the damnedest thing.

Dr. Meredith McKay, PhD, PhD, MEng, CSO, HBIC, RCMP, SPCA, ETC, isn't John's type.

She's sort of- thick is the word he wants to use, but he's never known if it was offensive to call a woman that or not; but she's got a full, round ass and tits that enter a room well before she does, so it seems appropriate. She's tall, too, only three or four inches shorter than John. [2174]
fic  tv:stargateatlantis  au:gender  c:sga:john  c:sga:rodney  hilarity  theme:friendship  theme:RST  theme:first-time  opinion:awesome  p:sga:john/rodney  genre:het  rating:nc-17  @dw 
may 2012 by scorpionvoices
Search and Seizure - ignipes - The Avengers (2012) [Archive of Our Own]
They're outside a massive white house, all ostentatious pillars and replicas of classical statues, and the glass doors are wide open. There's another crash, and a shout of laughter. Steve, laughing so hard he can't say whatever he's trying to say, because waking up poolside in a woman's silk robe isn't weird enough, Bruce thinks. Now he's also got to process the fact that Steve Rogers is apparently having a grand old time violently ransacking somebody's house.

Then Thor is laughing too, and Tony is yelling for them to save some for him, and Bruce hasn't been awake long enough for any of this to make sense.

Bruce leans back into the chair and takes a sip of coffee. Another shadow falls over him, and he looks up. This time it's Pepper, and she's smiling.

"I don't blame you," she says. "It's getting messy in there." [1228]
fic  u:marvel  m:Avengers12  c:avengers:bruce  c:ironman:tony  c:ironman:pepper  OT3  c:avengers:ensemble  theme:shenanigans  theme:establishedrelationship  theme:team!  theme:love  opinion:adorable  hilarity  p:marvel:bruce/pepper/tony  genre:slash  genre:het  author:ignipes  @ao3  favs:marvel  for-kayla 
may 2012 by scorpionvoices
bendingsignpost: A Study in Sherlock
The cabbie stares at him, Sherlock picks up, and John says, "Hi, Sherlock, it's John. Are the police still with you? Oh, good. I've caught the serial killer."

The wide-eyed cabbie pulls a runner, John's ready for it, and by the time the police arrive, John's had the cabbie in a joint lock against the wall for twenty minutes.

It might just be the best night he's ever had. [~2900]
fic  tv:sherlock  c:SH:watson  c:SH:holmes  theme:competency!!!  hilarity  theme:shenanigans  theme:friendship  theme:selfrescue  genre:gen  rating:pg-13  @lj 
april 2012 by scorpionvoices
Some Other Fool Across the Ocean Years Ago - Aris Merquoni (ArisTGD) - Pirates of the Caribbean, Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]
James Norrington has everything he needs--a job at an independent IT firm, a couple roommates who pay rent on time, and a recurring dream about a pirate who is enough adventure for anyone to handle. Of course it can't stay that simple forever. [26,479]
fic  series  m:piratesofthecaribbean  c:potc:norrington  c:potc:anamaria  c:potc:gillette  c:potc:groves  c:potc:oc  theme:reincarnation  theme:dreams  theme:shenanigans  theme:angst  humor  trope:amnesia  theme:friendship  theme:love  hilarity  opinion:awesome  p:potc:norrington/sparrow  genre:slash  rating:r  favs:potc  c:potc:jack 
april 2012 by scorpionvoices
The Quality of Mercy - mundungus42 - Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]
Norrington and his officers are courtmartialed for the loss of the Interceptor. The penalty for negligence is death by hanging, and the Admiral has it in for Norrington. Fortunately, Jack still owes him for one escape. [4860]
fic  m:piratesofthecaribbean  post-movie  c:potc:norrington  c:potc:groves  c:potc:gillette  c:potc:jack  theme:shenanigans  theme:totherescue!  theme:undercover  theme:frenemies  hilarity  opinion:awesome  genre:gen  rating:pg-13  author:mundungus42  @ao3 
april 2012 by scorpionvoices
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