11449
Clocks, Hours, Time in Showers, urban-emo: q33r: yourperfectlittleanarchist: ...
You know why Harry Potter is amazing? 99% of fan theories, headcanons and meta could be canon because Harry is about as observant as a brick wall. Did Slytherins come back to fight in the Battle of Hogwarts? Did Draco Malfoy enjoy crossdressing? Was Hermione transgender? Who knows, certainly not Harry

Harry didn’t notice Hermione time traveling around him for a whole year or his own teacher’s hand writing

Harry didn’t notice that he was a wizard

The glass is just gone I don’t know maybe that just happens with snakes sometimes. 
!F:Harry_Potter  #F:Meta  Trope:Funny 
yesterday
Kalyn’s Stuffed Cabbage Casserole | Skinnytaste
Ingredients:

2 tsp olive oil, divided
1 lb. 95% lean ground turkey
1 large onion, chopped fine
1 tbsp finely minced garlic
1/2 tsp. dried thyme
1 tsp sweet Hungarian Paprika
salt and fresh ground black pepper to taste
1 1/2 heads green cabbage, coarsely chopped
1 can (14.5 oz.) petite dice tomatoes with juice
1 can (15 oz.) tomato sauce
1/4 cup water
2 cups cooked cauliflower rice
2 cups low-fat mozzarella cheese (Sargento)
Personal:Food 
3 days ago
95% Regain Lost Weight. Or Do They? - NYTimes.com
But in fact, obesity researchers say, no one has any idea how many people can lose weight and keep it off. Now, as researchers try to determine how many people have succeeded, they are also studying the success stories for lessons that might inspire others to try.

''That 95 percent figure has become clinical lore,'' said Dr. Thomas Wadden, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania. There is no basis for it, he said, ''but it's part of the mythology of obesity.''

Dr. Kelly D. Brownell, the director of the Yale Center for Eating and Weight Disorders, said the number was first suggested in a 1959 clinical study of only 100 people. The finding was repeated so often that it came to be regarded as fact, he said.

Since then, nearly all studies of weight-loss recidivism have followed patients in formal hospital or university programs, because they are the easiest to identify and keep track of. But people who turn to such programs may also be the most difficult cases, and may therefore have especially poor success rates.

To get a more accurate picture, two researchers are studying long-term dieters for a project called the National Weight Control Registry, and have found it surprisingly easy to collect success stories. About half the people who maintained a substantial weight loss for more than a year had done it on their own, they found. This suggests that many people have found ways to lose weight and keep it off, but have never been counted in formal studies.
Personal:Food 
5 days ago
Last Lord of the Sun Chapter 1, a harry potter fanfic | FanFiction
AU. When Albus Dumbledore visits Wool's Orphanage and sees the terror and rage in Tom Riddle, he decides he cannot leave the boy without a mentor. On the one hand, he may never make a Light wizard of him; on the other hand, he will keep him from going down the path of the Dark.
!F:Harry_Potter  C:Albus_Dumbledore  C:Voldemort  Trope:Alternate_Universe  Trope:Amazing  Trope:Fix-It  Type:Masterchapter  Type:Series 
6 days ago
Kickin' Collard Greens Recipe - Allrecipes.com
1 tablespoon olive oil (sub a couple of sprays of cooking spray)

5 slices of turkey bacon

1 large onion, chopped (1.5 cups)

3 cloves garlic, minced, 3/4 teaspoon salt, 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes, 1 teaspoon of pepper, 3 cups chicken broth, 1 pound fresh collard greens, cut into 2-inch pieces

1. Heat oil in a large pot over medium-high heat. Add bacon, and cook until crisp. Remove bacon from pan, crumble and return to the pan. Add onion, and cook until tender, about 5 minutes. Add garlic, and cook until just fragrant. Add collard greens, and fry until they start to wilt.

2. Pour in chicken broth, and season with salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes. Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer for 45 minutes, or until greens are tender.
Personal:Food 
16 days ago
Oven-Roasted Asparagus Recipe - Allrecipes.com
1 bunch thin asparagus spears, trimmed 3 tablespoons olive oil
Filippo Berio Olive Oil Extra Virgin (USE pam instead)

1 1/2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese (optional)

1 clove garlic, minced (optional) 1 teaspoon sea salt 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper 1 tablespoon lemon juice (optional)

Preheat an oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C).
Place the asparagus into a mixing bowl, and drizzle with the olive oil. Toss to coat the spears, then sprinkle with Parmesan cheese, garlic, salt, and pepper. Arrange the asparagus onto a baking sheet in a single layer.
Bake in the preheated oven until just tender, 12 to 15 minutes depending on thickness. Sprinkle with lemon juice just before serving.

~1/8 of the salt and 8 minutes not 15. To remove woody ends, grab stalk of asparagus at either end and bend until it snaps. It will naturally snap where it starts to get tough.~
Personal:Food 
18 days ago
Baked Split Chicken Breast Recipe - Allrecipes.com
Rub chicken breasts with olive oil and garlic; sprinkle with salt, black pepper, rosemary, and basil. Arrange chicken in a large baking dish and refrigerate at least 45 minutes.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).

Bake in preheated oven until chicken meat is no longer pink at the bone and the juices run clear, 45 to 60 minutes.

Tip #1: Feel free to add more herbs and spices to taste-- I often up the rosemary and add in dried thyme or oregano, Tip #2: To get an extra crispy skin switch the oven to broil on high heat for the last 5-10 minutes of cooking

I also made cuts into the chicken and stuffed them with garlic cloves and fresh basil leaves but you could stuff it with garlic alone and/or any fresh spices that you like.
Personal:Food 
18 days ago
The Best Whole Chicken in a Crock Pot - 100 Days of Real Food
Combine the dried spices in a small bowl.

Loosely chop the onion and place it in the bottom of the slow cooker.

Remove any giblets from the chicken and then rub the spice mixture all over. You can even put some of the spices inside the cavity and under the skin covering the breasts.

Put prepared chicken on top of the onions in the slow cooker, cover it, and turn it on to high. There is no need to add any liquid.

Cook for 4 – 5 hours on high (for a 3 or 4 pound chicken) or until the chicken is falling off the bone.
Personal:Food 
18 days ago
Next Level Zoodles with Creamy Corn Sauce - Pinch of Yum
3 zucchini, spiralized
1 tablespoon butter or olive oil
a few tablespoons of chopped onion, minced garlic, or a combo
4 ears fresh sweet corn, kernels cut off the cob
½ cup chicken broth, milk, water, etc.
pinch of salt, to taste
Parmesan, pepitas, fresh basil, or anything else your heart desires to add to the mix
Personal:Food 
19 days ago
Guilt-Free Garlic Parmesan Zucchini Noodles Pasta Recipe
YOU WILL NEED

4 medium zucchini (about 2 pounds)
3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon minced garlic (3 to 4 cloves)
1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes, depending on how spicy you like the pasta
2 medium tomatoes, chopped, see note (about 12 ounces)
1/2 cup shredded parmesan cheese, plus more for serving
1 cup basil leaves, torn into pieces
1 teaspoon cornstarch
2 teaspoons cold water
Salt, to taste
Personal:Food 
20 days ago
Cauliflower Fried Rice - Family Fresh Meals
– 3 cups of grated raw cauliflower (use a cheese grater or food processor)

– 1/2 cup frozen peas

– 1/2 cup carrots, thinly sliced

– 3-4 garlic cloves, minced

– 1/2 cup onion, diced

– 1/2 TBSP olive oil

– 2 eggs (or 4 egg whites) scrambled

– 3 TBSP soy sauce

1. In a large pan, saute garlic and onions in olive oil on a medium/high heat, until onions become soft and transparent. (about 2-3 minutes)

2. Next add in peas, and carrots and cook until carrots begin to soften and peas are heated through, about 3-4 minutes

3. Next stir in scrambled eggs , cauliflower and soy sauce. Cook stirring frequently for about 5-7 more minutes.

Enjoy adding in your favorite protein and veg. Possible add-ins: baby corn, broccoli, cabbage, bok choy, water chestnuts, chicken, tofu, and shrimp!

~Tastes JUST like fried rice~
Personal:Food 
20 days ago
Pressure Cooker Baby Bok Choy - Dad Cooks Dinner
1 tablespoon peanut oil (or vegetable oil)
1 clove garlic, crushed
1/2 inch slice of ginger, peeled and crushed
1 pound baby bok choy, tough bottoms trimmed
1/2 teaspoon fine sea salt (or Sichuan Roasted Pepper Salt)
1/2 cup water (or the minimum amount for your cooker)
Sprinkle of red pepper flakes (optional)
Sauce
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 tablespoon Chinese seasoned rice vinegar
1 teaspoon toasted sesame oil
Instructions

Lightly sauté the garlic and ginger, then add the bok choy: Pour the oil into the bottom of the pressure cooker pot, add the garlic and ginger, and then start sauté mode in an electric PC or set the pot over medium heat in a stovetop PC. Heat the oil until the garlic and ginger just start to sizzle – we want it to bubble around the edges, but not brown – about 3 minutes. Add the trimmed baby bok choy, stem side down. Don’t worry about the max fill line on the cooker – the bok choy will wilt quickly – but you need to pack it in enough to close the lid. Sprinkle the bok choy with the salt, then pour the water over the top of everything.

Pressure cook the bok choy: Lock the lid on the pressure cooker, bring it up to high pressure, and cook at high pressure for 5 minutes (for either electric or stovetop PC). Quick release the pressure. Remove the lid carefully – the steam is hot enough to scald.
Personal:Food 
20 days ago
It's too darn cold — bayleeboo2010: harritudur: blurgle1: ...
The Roman Catholic Church, even with all its 16th century corruption and venality, was a shining example of mercy and charity in comparison to Henry the goddamn VIII.

In 1509 when Henry took office he was the richest monarch in Christendom, perhaps the richest man in Europe. Had it been managed wisely Henry could have passed most of that on to his heir. Instead he:

1. Went to war with France, twice, for no other reason than to have the chance to say that he went to war with France. He “won” both times, if by “won” you mean spent inconceivable amounts of money to capture unimportant towns he had to give back later. Note that although he bragged about going to war he refused to expose himself to the enemy’s swords or musket balls.

2. Frittered away immense amounts of money on high living. Gold, silver, jewels, furs, velvets, silks, horses, gold plated everything, carpets, tapestries, even entire palaces: the list goes on and on and on and on.

3. Let his most powerful servants embezzle what they would as long as they did all the work of running the realm for him, because the only part of ruling he cared about was his own personal power.

4. Killed his most powerful servants when they became too powerful, then handed the reins to the next men to come up. Shockingly, this didn’t work the fourth time he tried it, and by the time he died the country was being administered by toadies and lickspittles.

5. Bankrupted the treasury then refilled it by plundering the monasteries, the only hope at the time of the poor, elderly, and disabled. Travellers of the time wrote of old and disabled people dying in hedgerows and ditches, and of desperate beggars lining the streets where none had been ten years earlier. One saw a mother and child frozen to death in a ditch. It wasn’t until Henry’s death that anything was done to help the indigent who couldn’t care for themselves.
Culture:History 
21 days ago
8 Reasons You’re Not Losing Fat in a Calorie Deficit
Your body is pretty good at regulating your body weight, and while it’s completely happy with you getting fat, it doesn’t take too well to you losing fat.  This is why even when you’re being diligent with your calorie deficit you may find your fat loss has come to a standstill.

Don’t worry though, I got you. Here are 8 reasons you’re not losing fat even when eating in a calorie deficit.

1. Not being patient
Personal:Exercise 
25 days ago
I Don't Know How To Explain To You That You Should Care About Other People | HuffPost
Like many Americans, I’m having politics fatigue. Or, to be more specific, arguing-about-politics fatigue.

I haven’t run out of salient points or evidence for my political perspective, but there is a particular stumbling block I keep running into when trying to reach across the proverbial aisle and have those “difficult conversations” so smugly suggested by think piece after think piece:

I don’t know how to explain to someone why they should care about other people.
Culture:Politics 
25 days ago
Chicken Curry with Spinach: 261kcal | 22g protein | 14g fat | 11g carbs | 2.5g fibre : 1200isplenty
Chicken Curry with Spinach in pan

8 (generous) servings
1 tbsp vegetable oil
2 medium yellow onions, diced
5 cloves garlic, pressed
1kg skinless, boneless chicken thighs, cut into small pieces
3 tbsp madras curry powder
1 tin diced tomatoes
1 red bell pepper, cut into small pieces
1 300g pkg baby spinach
1 cup plain non-fat yogurt

Heat the oil in a heavy bottomed pot, or a wok. Add the onion, and saute it with some salt (the salt helps to break up the onion)

Once the onion is soft and golden, add the chicken and cook it, stirring often. Sprinkle more salt onto the chicken.

Once the chicken is fully cooked, add the curry powder and fresh garlic, stir frequently to ensure these get fragrant but don't burn

Add the tin of diced tomatoes and mix that in

You can now reduce the heat and simmer for a while with the lid off - I simmer it until there's 10 minutes to go on the rice I'm making to accompany the curry
10 minutes before serving, add the bell pepper

3 minutes before serving, add the spinach, you might have to do this in a few batches, but it cooks down to almost nothing so I use a whole package.
immediately before serving, and after the heat has been turned off, add the cup of yogurt and stir it in
Personal:Food 
26 days ago
Crockpot Chicken Curry ~200 cals/serving : 1200isplenty
First, blend:
1 medium onion
1 can drained tomatoes & green chiles (such as Rotel's brand)
1-2 fresh green chiles (I used 2 small serrano peppers, which are 3x as hot as jalapeños, so this curry packed quite a bit of heat. If you don't like it too spicy, use just one pepper and remove the seeds before adding it to the blender)
1 can of light coconut milk (optional, if you omit stir in a cup of plain yogurt just before serving)
2-3 garlic cloves
1 tbsp fresh shredded ginger
1 tbsp curry powder
1 tsp cumin seed
1 tsp turmeric
1/2 tsp paprika
1/4 tsp fenugreek seed (if you have it, if not ok to omit)
1 tsp coriander powder (If you don't have all these spices, it'd probably work just to use a couple tablespoons of curry powder)

Once it becomes the consistency of a thin sauce, poor into slow cooker. Add thawed chicken thighs or breasts (I used about 3/4 pound mix of thighs & breasts I had in the freezer). Set cooker to "low" for app. 8 hours or "high" for ~4 hours.

Before serving, remove chicken pieces, shred, and return to sauce. Mine were pretty much falling apart at this point, they were so tender. If you didn't add coconut milk, or you accidently made the sauce too spicy, stir in plain yogurt till it's heated through. Stir in 1 tsp garam masala. Garnish with fresh cilantro!

You can serve this with rice, but I just served it over a bowl of fresh spinach and stirred it until the spinach wilted from the heat of the curry to make like a chicken-saag thing and ate it like a stew!
Personal:Food 
26 days ago
I made coconut chicken curry! - 327 calories : 1200isplenty
Sauce
1-2 tbsp red curry paste (depending on your heat preference)
1 1/3 cup lite coconut milk (I used Simple Truth unsweetened)
2-3 tbsp curry powder
I also added 1 tbsp cumin and 1 tbsp garam masala for extra flavor. I would honestly just add the flavor level you prefer and taste as you go!
a splash of soy sauce or similar - I used bragg's liquid aminos
a splash of maple syrup
salt to taste
I used my immersion blender to mix up the sauce well.
I added about 3/4 cup dry rice to a rice maker and used the sauce to cook it in.
Chicken and vegetables
1 bag frozen vegetable mix - mine had carrot, corn, peas and green beans 1 lb boneless skinless chicken breast

i heated a large, deep skillet on medium heat, sprayed with cooking spray.
Added the frozen veggies and let them thaw out a little.
Diced the chicken into bite sized pieces and lightly seasoned with salt, pepper, curry powder, garlic powder, paprika.

After the veggies had cooked a little I added the chicken and cooked together more with the vegetables until done.

Kept that mix on very low heat until the rice finished up and combined. Then added a little bit of water to thin it out.
Personal:Food 
26 days ago
Every damn time. Pan-fried chicken raw on the inside. : AskCulinary
Lower heat. Not kidding. Lower heat. Pat your chicken thighs dry. Add a glug of oil to the pan. Low heat. Add thighs skin-side down. Cook slowly 'til crispy. Flip. Cook some more. Throw in a 300 degree oven until a thermometer registers about 160 (you can go up to 180 if you're feeling crazy or down to 150 if ditto). Take out and let sit for at least 5 minutes. Enjoy.
Personal:Food 
26 days ago
My first attempt at cauliflower pizza / 278 calories : 1200isplenty
Rice cauliflower by hand or in a food processor until fine. Sauté and salt it until cooked, then wring through cheesecloth to get rid of the excess moisture. /I had to use a latex glove on one hand since i did this step right after cooking/ if it's still moist, wrap in paper towels and squeeze until it they don't come out damp.
Mix cauliflower with egg, parmesan, and cheese wedge/or whatever cheese you prefer/ until it reaches a dough like consistency. I messed up this step so mine was very very wet.
Place a piece of parchment paper on a baking sheet, use a little cooking spray and spread it with a paper towel. Distribute cauliflower crust mixture and form into a circle. Bake at 375 for 8 to 10 minutes until the sides crisp, then add your toppings and cook for an extra 7 minutes.
Personal:Food 
26 days ago
Cauliflower Crust Pizza With Mozzarella
2 cups cauliflower, grated (about 1/2 a large head)
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1 1/2 cup part skim mozzarella, shredded and divided
2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese, grated
1/4 cup tomato sauce, homemade or store bought
1 cup grape tomatoes, sliced in half
2 cloves garlic, sliced
1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes, crushed
1/4 cup basil leaves, for garnish
Preparation
Heat oven to 425°. Line a rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper.

Grate the cauliflower using a box grater until you have 2 cups of cauliflower crumbles. Place in a large bowl and microwave for 7-8 minutes, or until soft. Remove and let cool. Mix in the egg, 1 cup mozzarella, Parmesan cheese, and salt and pepper. Once combined, pat into a 10-inch round on the prepared pizza pan. Spray lightly with non-stick spray and bake for 10-15 minutes, or until golden.

Top the pizza with the sauce, remaining mozzarella, cherry tomatoes, garlic, and red pepper flakes. Bake in the oven until melted and bubbly, another 10 minutes. Top with basil before serving.
Personal:Food 
26 days ago
You’re Not losing Fat Because You’re Eating Too Damn Much. Even When You Don’t Think You Are. Let Me Show You.
Do you want to know why you’re not losing fat? Like, for real?: You’re eating too much. 

Yup, Even when you think you aren’t. Even when you think you’re eating healthy, even when you’re exercising hard, even when you think you’re hardly eating, and yes, even despite reading this and getting pissed at me for telling you you’re wrong.  

The fact remains: You’re not losing body fat because in one way or another, whether you realise it or not: you’re eating more than you think are even when you think you aren’t.

And in the next 6-thousand-motherfucking-words I’m going to be explaining and showing you exactly how and why. 
Personal:Food  reference 
26 days ago
Sleeping Is Giving In, aglassroseneverfades: pmastamonkmonk: ...
We’re going to have this argument are we? Not to mention you’re deviating from the original point that attributing agency to fictional characters’ clothing is asinine. 
What you have here are images of power, and do you really believe these characters are designed with titillating heterosexual women and bisexual and homosexual men in mind? Because I don’t think you do.
This is why the Hawkeye Initiative exists. Take common female poses in comics, put a man in the role, and see how “empowering” and “strong” it actually looks: 
!F:Comics  #F:Meta  Culture:Feminism 
6 weeks ago
Tumblr
Reasons Why We Have Bipedal Apes, But Not Bipedal Lions, According To My Biological Anthropology Supervisor:

You know when creationists talk about how an eye couldn’t possibly evolve gradually, because half an eye is useless and a waste of resources and worse than no eye at all?

They’re wrong about eyes; a single photoreceptor cell (usually just an evolutionary ‘tweak’ away from a regular epidermal cell with biochemistry that happened to be photosensitive) is actually useful and great, and more is better. If you imagine breaking a modern wing in half and attaching it to a bird, “half a wing is useless” sounds true, but it stops sounding true when you realise that halfway to a wing doesn’t look like a modern bird wing but broken in half, it looks like a slightly enlarged membrane between a limb and your body that gives you just an extra half second of glide time when you jump.

But there *are* adaptations in this class of things, where it’s great if you have full-blown X but shitty to have half-baked X. As you might imagine, they are quite rare, because as the creationists correctly observe, if half-X is maladaptive there is no path to arrive at X through gradual adaptation to an environment. And yet bipedalism is of this class. How?
Culture:Science 
6 weeks ago
i have named you queen (listen) - Damkianna - Original Work [Archive of Our Own]
Grandmother ruled Gir Niajra, and always had.

Jummai felt certain this was so, mostly because it was impossible to imagine otherwise: anyone, anyone at all, seated so comfortably on that great golden throne except Grandmother? Anyone who could look or speak with such authority, to whom so many great and worthy people bowed down? No—only Grandmother. It had always been Grandmother, and it always would be.

Then Grandmother died; and there was a war.

(Or: Jummai is a princess without a throne—but she has no intention of leaving to others what is rightfully hers. She needs a wife with an army, and gets one; but her wife seems impervious to her tactical charm, she keeps making mistakes, and her cousin still wants her dead.)
!F:Original 
9 weeks ago
Influenced Out of Normality - BakenandEggs - Buffy the Vampire Slayer [Archive of Our Own]
The last thing Xander Harris expected to find out was that he was adopted. Well, no, Xander was pretty sure that the knowledge that Tony Stark was his real father was a hundred times more unexpected than that.

[In which Xander gains a family and discovers that there are more options available than clinging to the Scoobies.]
!F:Avengers  !F:Buffy_The_Vampire_Slayer  C:Tony_Stark  C:Xander_Harris  Trope:Alternate_Universe  Trope:Crossover  Type:Medium_Length 
10 weeks ago
A little shy and sad of eye
Believe it or not, the relationship between the Lord-King of the Underworld and his consort is slowly improving. Even if no-one gets laid. EngPort.
!F:Hetalia  C:England  C:Portugal  Trope:Alternate_Universe  Type:Series 
10 weeks ago
oui mais non;
France is a man possessed by the end of the show—he elbows his way past the crowds to the back entrance, finds England’s small frame and grabs his hand. England barely has time to look up before France pulls him away from the crowd, presses him into the wall, attacks with lips against his throat.
 
“What the fuck are you doing?” England hisses, but when his fingers tug at France’s hair, it’s not to pull him away.
 
“I don’t think I’ve been this attracted to you since ‘All You Need is Love’ played over the radio for the first time,” France murmurs, a little abashed to admit it.
 
England huffs a laugh, ever so smug. “Suck my dick, France,” he mutters without much heat. France supposes, with his current attitude, messages of love and universal acceptance are far from his mind.
!F:Hetalia  C:England  C:France  Trope:Porn 
10 weeks ago
A little shy and sad of eye
[GODS AU] THESE DISTANT SHORES

Lusus thinks he’s gotten a lot more subtle about indulging his possessive streak. Albion’s rear end disagrees.
!F:Hetalia  C:England  C:Portugal  Trope:Alternate_Universe  Trope:Porn  Type:Series 
10 weeks ago
The One Where Uchiha Sasuke Is A Feudal Princess - Tozette - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
Izuna looks curiously at him. “Of course. I know you don’t know each other very well, but you are family. He wouldn’t let them…” he eyes Sasuke “…do whatever is putting that expression on your face.”

Sasuke gives him a long, blank look. The list of things Madara would do to his family, given the right motivation, is longer than Sasuke’s remaining arm.

~wow~
!F:Naruto  C:Sasuke_Uchiha  C:Senju_Tobirama  Theme:Time_Travel  Trope:Amazing 
10 weeks ago
Leia Off (SW SI) by pcmcpmp
Male SI wakes up as Leia right before Vader's torture. She promptly tells him she's his daughter. He throws a tantrum and hunts for Obi-Wan, discovers Luke and unhands Obi. He also hires Boba Fett to "rescue" Leia. Leia escapes on Dar Shaddam. really fun, especially the kickass Leia.
!F:Star_Wars  C:Original_Character  Trope:Self_Insert  Checkforupdates 
11 weeks ago
Kurama - cyan96 - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
Namikaze Minato makes a mistake. Uzumaki Kushina makes a choice. Naruto ends up growing up with a red haired, foul tempered older brother who wants Konoha to be atomized, preferably yesterday.
!F:Naruto  C:Naruto_Uzumaki  C:Kyuubi  Trope:Funny  Checkforupdates 
11 weeks ago
clara schumann could beat the shit out of you — elodieunderglass: flamethrowing-hurdy-gurdy: ...
The long question is “given the extreme diversity of morphology in dogs, with many subsets of ‘dogs’ bearing no visual resemblance to each other, how am I able to intuit that they belong to the ‘dog’ set just by looking?”

The reason that this is a Good Big Question is because we are broadly used to categorising Things as related based on resemblances. Then everyone realized about genes and evolution and so on, and so now we have Fun Facts like “elephants are ACTUALLY closely related to rock hyraxes!! Even though they look nothing alike!!”

These Fun Facts are appealing because they’re not intuitive.
So why is dog-sorting intuitive?

Well, because if you eliminate all the other possibilities, most dogs are dogs.
Culture:Meta 
april 2017
Kaleidoscope by totorox92 [Archive of Our Own]
Fear can make you do stupid things. When you're two years behind Itachi, that's a luxury you can't afford.

[OC reincarnated as a random Uchiha. He doesn't take his eventual death in the Uchiha massacre well, but he manages to graduate early and and is on a team under Kakashi.]

alt link: https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/kaleidoscope-naruto-si.497083/

“How? He would have been, what, three years old? How is that possible?”

“I’m… not sure. Hiroki has instinctive responses to people sometimes, like he already knows them and has certain expectations or opinions on them. It feels like he’s remembering things, but… I can’t see what. Dreams, maybe. Nightmares.”

The mindwalker shuddered delicately.

“It’s actually really creepy. I live the memories too; he thought it was disgusting to talk to any of his clansmen. Like someone was puppeting dead bodies and pretending they were real people. It ties back to his fear of death; he was certain for most of the past seven years that if he didn’t work hard enough, if he wasn’t strong enough, that he would be dead like all of them. Itachi was actually worse; whenever Hiroki’s thoughts stray to him he hears clocks ticking, feels chairs tipping back too far or feet slipping on stairs, that sort of thing. It’s less that he thought Itachi would stab him with a kunai and more that, in Hiroki’s mind, if Itachi even paid him too much attention he would just fall over dead in the street. That appears to have been the trigger for activating his Sharingan in the academy. Itachi spoke to him while he was training. Once. And then during the massacre Itachi didn’t kill him immediately, and once he finally processed that it was like god himself offering a blessing.”
!F:Naruto  C:Original_Character  Trope:Alternate_Universe  Trope:Self_Insert  Type:Medium_Length  Checkforupdates 
april 2017
emilysidhe: J K Rowling worked very hard in the...
Severus Snape used his position of authority as a teacher to bully the weaker students in his class, especially Neville Longbottom, relentlessly and viciously.  He himself was abused as a child by his Muggle father and instead of this instilling in him sympathy and compassion, he projected the internalized self-hatred into a disdain for weakness and inflicted this same abuse on any children who showed the same vulnerability he felt at the time.  This is inexcusable.

Severus Snape also spent the entirety of the seventh book assigning a rebellious Neville Longbottom to detention with Hagrid, where he knew he would be safe, and convincing the Carrows that his blood-status made him worth recruiting despite his affiliations and basically doing all he could to protect Neville and the other DA members and is probably the only reason they survived long enough to go into hiding in the Room of Requirement.

Severus Snape abused and inflicted emotional trauma on Neville Longbottom cruelly and with no justification.  Severus Snape also repeatedly saved Neville Longbottom’s life and spent his own last months on earth devoting all of his energy and ability into keeping him and his friends alive.

Both of these things are true.  At the same time.
!F:Harry_Potter  #F:Meta 
april 2017
Gaara's Soulguide AU - witchbreaker - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
Soul guides are spirits of the gone who guide the living. It can be anyone from family to stranger to a long lost enemy. How they are chosen, no one knows. Even if they did, they would never have guessed that the First Hokage would be come a soul guide to the Kazekage's youngest son.
!F:Naruto  C:Gaara  C:Original_Character  Type:Series 
april 2017
Switch AU - witchbreaker - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
Soulmates are rare. Soulmates with blood limits are rarer. It's no surprise that the two would interact with interesting consequences.
!F:Naruto  C:Gaara  C:Original_Character  Trope:Alternate_Universe  Type:Series 
april 2017
Caregiver AU - witchbreaker - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
Shikako is born six years earlier to a Yoshino and Shikaku still on the outs with the Nara. Needless to say, things change. For good and for bad.
!F:Naruto  C:Original_Character  Trope:Alternate_Universe  Type:Series 
april 2017
A Dragon Flaps Its Wings - Akaluan - Bleach [Archive of Our Own]
If a butterfly flapping its wings can create a hurricane, then what’s the result of a dragon flapping its wings? Uryuu finds himself tumbling backwards to a beginning he wasn’t even aware of, and refuses to sit idly by. Time Travel, AU of Dragon Eclipse.
!F:Bleach  C:Ishada_Uryuu  C:Ichimaru_Gin  Theme:Time_Travel  Type:Series 
april 2017
A Tiger Protects His Dragon - Akaluan - Bleach [Archive of Our Own]
Aizen is dead. Kaito has ended the traitor's life and returned home safe and sound, content that his past self will never know the pain Kaito has gone through. Kisuke, however, is not so content with this outcome; there are still other threats out there, threats aimed directly at his adopted son, and he intends to solve that.

Side-story/Epilogue of Dragon Eclipse.
!F:Bleach  C:Ishada_Uryuu  C:Urahara  Theme:Time_Travel  Trope:Amazing  Trope:BAMF  Type:Series 
april 2017
Dragon Eclipse - Akaluan - Bleach [Archive of Our Own]
A single mistake, that's all it took to shatter Ishida Uryuu's world around him. A mistake coated in metallic blood and desperation to win... no, to survive. Now burdened with the expectations of everyone, Uryuu must forge his own path while trying to relearn exactly who he is.
!F:Bleach  C:Ichigo_Kurosaki  C:Ishada_Uryuu  C:Urahara  Theme:Time_Travel  Trope:Amazing  Trope:BAMF  Type:Masterchapter  Type:Series  Checkforupdates 
april 2017
In Which Sherlock Is Accidentally Comforting - americanjedi - Sherlock (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
There’s not really a plot, it’s just Sherlock trying parent and being accidentally comforting. The best way to deal with Watsons is by agreeing with them and appreciating their particular strengths.
!F:Sherlock  C:John_Watson  C:Sherlock_Holmes  C:Original_Character  Trope:Alternate_Universe  Type:Series 
april 2017
A Morning with Mrs. Hudson - americanjedi - Sherlock (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
While Sherlock is away dealing with the sorts of barristers that England produces these days, John Watson and Mrs. Hudson have a bit of a morning together. Part of the Dashcon Auction, won by the fair Deidre.
!F:Sherlock  C:John_Watson  C:Sherlock_Holmes  C:Mrs.Hudson  Type:Series 
april 2017
Bantam Wars - americanjedi - Sherlock (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
John thought, when he lost his past and gained an irritatingly eight year old physique, that the mad scientist Dr. Grendel had almost ended him. But now, pushed away by Sherlock after the Great Game, he has new purpose again. To find Dr. Grendel and either fix what's been broken or destroy any remnant of the time ray forever. With Tim Dimmock, his brother in arms and the protective shadow of the fabricated genius W, John Watson is off to war.
!F:Sherlock  C:John_Watson  C:Mycroft_Holmes  C:Sherlock_Holmes  C:Original_Character  Trope:Alternate_Universe  Trope:BAMF  Trope:Best_In_Fandom  Type:Series 
april 2017
Small Families - americanjedi - Sherlock (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
John Watson was ripped from his life and thrown back into a London where he's never existed, in the body of an eight year old child. In the struggle to get back his place in the world he becomes part of the lives of homeless children, street kings and a man like him, the once DI Dimmock. But what will he be in the life of the singular Sherlock Holmes?
!F:Sherlock  C:John_Watson  C:Mycroft_Holmes  C:Sherlock_Holmes  C:Original_Character  Trope:Alternate_Universe  Trope:BAMF  Trope:Best_In_Fandom  Type:Series 
april 2017
Wee Doctor - americanjedi - Sherlock (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
Dr. John Watson is turned into an eight year old child, dealing with Sherlock who doesn't know him in a world where he was never born. He's a little stressed out, but he's got his priorities straight. Original characters and London as a war zone, and John's accidentally inventing a super genius.
!F:Sherlock  C:John_Watson  C:Mycroft_Holmes  C:Sherlock_Holmes  C:Original_Character  Trope:Alternate_Universe  Trope:BAMF  Trope:Best_In_Fandom  Type:Masterchapter  Type:Series 
april 2017
The Silences - branwyn - Sherlock (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
Love is an inconstant variable.

 

An AU genderswap casefic based loosely on AC Doyle's "The Abbey Grange", and other stories.
!F:Sherlock  C:Joan_Watson  C:Sherlock_Holmes  Trope:Amazing  Trope:BAMF  Trope:Genderfuck  Type:Series 
april 2017
Let Sense Be Dumb - branwyn - Sherlock (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
"Sherlock doesn't like it when she gets kidnapped and tied up and knocked about. When she's in danger, a large portion of his magnificent brain eats itself alive with worrying for her, and that process consumes a great deal more energy than converting proteins and carbohydrates into energy."

A sequel to "The Skeleton Winter", in which Joanna Watson is still mad as a hatter. Only these days, it's not working for her quite as well as it used to.

Genderswap casefic loosely based on the AC Doyle story "A Case of Identity".
!F:Sherlock  C:Joan_Watson  C:Sherlock_Holmes  Trope:Amazing  Trope:BAMF  Trope:Genderfuck  Type:Series 
april 2017
The Skeleton Winter - branwyn - Sherlock (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
"Joanna knows that enlisting as the only recruit in Sherlock's private army isn't going to make her less damaged. But Sherlock puts her damage to good use. Joanna thinks that is by far the best thing that could have happened to her. It may, in fact, be the only thing that could have saved her."

A genderswap AU casefic loosely based on AC Doyle's "The Dancing Men".
!F:Sherlock  C:Joan_Watson  C:Sherlock_Holmes  Trope:Amazing  Trope:BAMF  Trope:Genderfuck  Type:Masterchapter  Type:Series 
april 2017
First Contact, or: The Four Body Problem - Tozette - Bleach [Archive of Our Own]
"Time and space are...” Ishida pauses. “Delicate.” Another pause. “Which means that we should not be handing them over to your care,” he adds, looking really pointedly at Ichigo.

“Ah!" Orihime smacks her fist into her palm as the realisation comes to her. "Because Ichigo-kun will break them!”

“Yes. Exactly,” says Ishida, nodding. Chad makes a rumble of agreement.

“I’m not going to break space and time,” hisses Ichigo, red-faced and aggrieved. Then he stops and thinks about it for a second. “...why did we let Urahara mess around with them?” he asks incredulously.
!F:Bleach  C:Ichigo_Kurosaki  C:Ishada_Uryuu  Trope:Alternate_Universe  Theme:Time_Travel  Trope:Fix-It  Type:Long  Checkforupdates 
april 2017
from the corner of your eye - tolkienbs - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
Sasuke thinks Naruto kissed him on purpose. Sasuke thinks both of his teammates have crushes on him. This... changes things.

He can work with this kind of team.
!F:Naruto  C:Kakashi_Hatake  C:Naruto_Uzumaki  C:Sakura_Haruno  C:Sasuke_Uchiha  Trope:Alternate_Universe  Trope:Amazing  Trope:Team  Checkforupdates 
april 2017
Way of the Cherry Blossom - tolkienbs - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
Healing isn't a bad profession, Sakura knows. She could do well in it. But healing means that you're the one picking up the pieces, putting your teammates back together.

Sakura wants to stop them from getting hurt at all.

----

Canon Divergent Naruto - Sakura's skills take a different path after the events of Wave. A story told in snippets. Not always in chronological order.
!F:Naruto  C:Kakashi_Hatake  C:Naruto_Uzumaki  C:Sakura_Haruno  C:Sasuke_Uchiha  Trope:Alternate_Universe  Trope:Team  Checkforupdates 
april 2017
no time for survival - sazzafraz - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
A 'What If' starting from the premise of Itachi's apparent demise at the hands of a rebel group attempting to overthrow the established shinobi system. Sasuke is quickly blackmailed into joining and thrust into a world of politics and hard choices, only to discover that his world is made of many threads and choices he could have never foreseen. Featuring the authors love of world building, deeply maladjusted protagonists and politics.
Notes:

I've been writing this fic since January and am very happy to finally get it out there into the wide, wild world. Before we begin, a few notes-

- If you genuinely do not like Sasuke you're not going to have a fun time here.
- This is very OC heavy in the first Arc, if that bothers you it would be best to turn back now.
- The romance part of this fic is around 40,000 or so words away from where we are now.
!F:Naruto  C:Kakashi_Hatake  C:Naruto_Uzumaki  C:Sakura_Haruno  C:Sasuke_Uchiha  Trope:Alternate_Universe  Trope:Amazing  Trope:BAMF  Type:Plot  Checkforupdates 
april 2017
for roses, too — i feel like what this election really showed me is...
I’ve been thinking about this a lot. And I think Dems have one huge structural problem that isn’t even within their control: the biggest problem for Democrats, and indeed the country, is the destruction of the Republican party.

you cannot be functional in a two-party system where one party is for governance and the other one literally wants to set the planet on fire. you have this absolute nightmare wherein political conversation within the party is divided between dealing with legitimate inner conflicts, criticisms, re-alignments, strategies, etc, and the certain knowledge that if the party doesn’t win then *everything fucking dies*.

you cannot be functional or cohesive when you are in the dangerously idiotic position of being the ONLY institutional power saying things like “don’t poison the water and land and air.” you cannot be functional when you are in the mindboggling position of being the ONLY people at the table saying things like, “science is real.”

quoting from twitter: democracy isn’t designed to handle when you’re unable to define a spectrum of compromise…democracy isn’t designed to handle one party having to go balls-to-the wall on every single issue, every single time. I mean…Dems have no other choice right now, but the reason it looks completely dysfunctional is because this IS completely fucking dysfunctional.
Culture:Politics 
april 2017
Blank AU - witchbreaker - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
In a Naruto-world where how you feel towards someone is etched onto their skin, Shikako's is markless. Born six years before Shikamaru, Shikako is still born to make waves.
!F:Naruto  C:Itachi_Uchiha  C:Original_Character  Trope:Alternate_Universe  Trope:Amazing  Type:Series 
april 2017
These Nine Walls - witchbreaker - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
Indra's Uchiha descendants and Asura's Senju descendants decided that living right next to their hated relatives was a terrible idea and history is forever altered.

Shikako Nara is born into a very different Konoha. One where she has a purpose beyond being a normal ninja.

She is the Second Child of the Nara Clan.

The Fifth Wall of Konohagakure.

Jinchuriki of Kokuo of the Five Tails.
!F:Naruto  C:Original_Character  Trope:Alternate_Universe  Trope:Self_Insert  Type:Series 
april 2017
Recursive Fanfiction - We're all just Dreaming of Sunshine Forum | FanFiction
Team 8 vs Team 10 vs team Gai all trying the mission to Wave. And fail. (And what does Team Seven do instead?)
!F:Naruto  C:Original_Character  Trope:Self_Insert  Type:Series 
april 2017
England raises security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved" | EE Times
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Culture:Politics  Trope:Funny  Trope:Best_In_Fandom 
april 2017
The Coming Demographic Crisis: What to Expect When No One Is Expecting | RealClearPolitics
The dire economic and social effects of plummeting birthrates remind us that marriage and childbirth are not just private lifestyle choices. A country with fewer children becomes, on average, increasingly older. Cities and towns begin to empty, while the cost of caring for retirees and elderly sick people skyrockets. Old people spend less and invest less, shrinking capital pools for the new businesses that create new jobs. Entrepreneurs do not come from among the aged: countries with a higher median age have a lower percentage of entrepreneurs.

Most important, a shrinking labor force means fewer workers contributing the payroll taxes that finance old-age care. The Social Security program is already beginning to be impacted by the decline in the worker-to-retiree ratio. In 1940, there were 160 workers for each retiree. By 2010, there were just 2.9. Once some 80 million Baby Boomers retire, the number will plummet to 2.1. This means taxes will have to increase and benefits be cut substantially to keep the program solvent. Medicare is similarly threatened by declining fertility. Both programs will cost more but have fewer workers footing the bill.
Culture:Meta 
april 2017
Quote by Unknown: “They broke the wrong parts of me. They broke my...”
“They broke the wrong parts of me.
They broke my wings
and forgot I had claws.”
Culture:Poetry 
april 2017
Kore - oneiriad - Greek and Roman Mythology [Archive of Our Own]
Summary: The day her mother gives birth to a horse is the day Persephone decides that she really needs a plan.

|| "But what am I supposed to do with him?"

"The usual - hold him, feed him, burp him. Really, Persephone, you're almost a grown woman. You should know these things already, you'll be having your own soon enough."

"I? What? No, I won't!"

"Oh, don't be silly, Persephone, I really don't have time for it. Now, go ask one of the nymphs to fetch some mare's milk and stop bothering me. Your mother needs stitches and I need to get to work now, if we're not going to have to send for Asclepius."

And off she goes, closing the door behind her, leaving Persephone alone with her newborn brother in her arms, her mother's screams of pain still echoing in her ears and an absolute and total conviction that she is not, ever, under any circumstance, going to go through that.
!F:Fairytale/Mythology 
april 2017
Kait Rokowski Quotes (Author of Alight)
“Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful. It was just red.”
Culture:Poetry 
april 2017
A little shy and sad of eye
He makes no attempt to touch England, which is new. Instead he spreads his hands and lets his tongue peek out from behind his perfectly-spaced teeth. “I have never forgotten, and I never will forget, how glorious you are in your anger.”
 
For a moment that stops England cold. He stares, and wonders what France sees, looking at him. Is he the child with bow and arrows slung across his back, or the teenager in armor? The privateer, or the redcoat, or the officer in olive green, hands clenched to fists and mouth hard and unforgiving?
 
“Did you hear me?” France says, and this time he does reach out, taking one of England’s hands. England turns his hand so that he can dig his nails deep into France’s palm, dimly aware that France isn’t pulling away.
 
“Why aren’t you angry?” England demands, suddenly. His fingers clench, vicelike, into France’s skin.
 
“Oh, I was,” France says. “And then, when I sat for seven hours on a flight by myself, I realized that I’d done it on purpose.”
!F:Hetalia  C:England  C:France 
april 2017
Like a Fucking Puppydog - Yombatable - Hetalia: Axis Powers [Archive of Our Own]
Scotland knew England was desirable. He did. But that didn't mean he had to like it.
!F:Hetalia  C:England  C:Portugal  C:Scotland  Kink:Jealousy 
march 2017
I know that greatness lies in you - tasalmalin - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
Four years later, Kakashi thinks he might be ready to try being a regular genin again. The problem being, he’s not quite sure what that means.
!F:Naruto  C:Maito_Gai  C:Kakashi_Hatake  C:Kushina_Uzumaki  C:Orochimaru  C:Yondaime  Theme:Family  Type:Series  Type:Long 
march 2017
I know that we can win - tasalmalin - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
He screwed up being Hokage and he screwed up Naruto’s miracle second chance, and now he’s alone, still expected to save the world, and Kakashi truly doesn’t understand how anyone could think that would end well. He certainly doesn’t.
!F:Naruto  C:Kakashi_Hatake  C:Kushina_Uzumaki  C:Jiraiya  C:Yondaime  Theme:Time_Travel  Theme:Family  Type:Series  Type:Medium_Length 
march 2017
who lives, who dies, who tells your story - tasalmalin - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
verything was a mess, but Kakashi, Neji, and Gaara have a chance to set things right. These three are some of the smartest and most capable ninja in the world, surely there's nothing they can't do, especially with their foreknowledge. Of course, they're also some of the most messed up.
Notes:

Warnings: This series is a time travel fix-it. I solemnly swear that there is an actual fix-it, with years of therapy and happy endings for (almost) all. This story, however, is not that.
!F:Naruto  C:Gaara  C:Kakashi_Hatake  C:Neji_Hyuga  Theme:Time_Travel  Type:Series 
march 2017
you have no control - tasalmalin - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]
Sasuke kills Itachi, but this time he joins forces with the remaining Uchiha to seek vengeance on Konoha. It's a disaster for the village. The survivors are scattered, desperate, falling one by one. They need a miracle.
Notes:

Warnings: This is a setup for a time travel story. This part of the story features multiple, major character deaths, descriptions of war-related injuries, references to PTSD, suicidal thoughts, and suicide.
!F:Naruto  C:Gaara  C:Kakashi_Hatake  C:Neji_Hyuga  C:Naruto_Uzumaki  Theme:Time_Travel  Trope:Amazing  Trope:BAMF  Type:Masterchapter  Type:Series  Type:Plot 
march 2017
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