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robquick

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Twitter
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2 days ago

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Twitter

This is Maci. She’s had a very long day. Needs some alone time to collect her thoughts. Asks that you please not ju…

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3 days ago

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Twitter

I love Roseanne because it's good for me to know that if my mother had millions of dollars, she'd still talk about…

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3 days ago

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Twitter

Amazing.
- Jake Tapper points out Faith is a bigot
- Faith responds by saying he slut shamed Monica
- Monica says…

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3 days ago

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Twitter

me: hi, I’m looking for jordan

woman: he’s right there in that car, JORDAN THIS GIRL NEEDS TO TALK TO YOU

me: oh…

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3 days ago

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Twitter

I mean, it's *kind of* the whole reason I do the show...

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3 days ago

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Twitter

Nice try

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3 days ago

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Twitter

Still bombing weddings after all these years

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4 days ago

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Twitter

I just noticed that the plane on Eminem's new album cover has the model number "FU-2" and it's like damn he's so co…

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4 days ago

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Twitter

my first potato pod cast guest

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4 days ago

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Twitter
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4 days ago

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Twitter

Funny exchange at an apartment today while canvassing

Me: knock
Voter: thank God you're here
Me: really? Why?
Vo…

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5 days ago

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Twitter

In my history of consumption class, I teach about #Sears, but what most people don't know is just how radical the c…

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5 days ago

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Twitter

Programming mostly typing and staring. Some googling. Some boxes and lines on paper. Feels nice when it works. Less…

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6 days ago

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US embassy apology after cat pyjama invite

The US embassy in Australia accidentally sent out a cat photo instead of a meeting invite.

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6 days ago

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Twitter

The US embassy in Australia accidentally sent out a cat photo instead of a meeting invite.

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6 days ago

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Twitter

help I can’t breathe

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7 days ago

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Twitter
from twitter_favs
7 days ago

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Twitter

Halloween

Is

Coming

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7 days ago

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Twitter

Watching BIG MOUTH.

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7 days ago

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Twitter

Get your purple dino and have a nice weekend.

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8 days ago

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Twitter

Last night we named the private event space at 450K The Angela Davis Room, and she signed it!

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8 days ago

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Twitter

Police

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8 days ago

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Twitter

I'm cheating on KEEP IT this week to join WHO SHOT YA? with @RickyCarmona, @ADuralde, and @TheDreaClark and discuss…

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9 days ago

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Twitter

This is Winston. He didn’t see the cliff in front of him. Felt like he was falling forever. 13/10 someone help him

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9 days ago

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Twitter

MOM THIS IS FRED. HE'S MAKING FUN OF MY EARS.

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9 days ago

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Twitter

@ebruenig

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9 days ago

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Twitter

I felt myself getting a wedgie but was walking in a crowded place. A Korean woman tapped me on the shoulder and sai…

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10 days ago

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Twitter

His phone is a computer this is dumb

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10 days ago

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Twitter

"Amazon's system taught itself that male candidates were preferable." No. This is not what happened. Amazon taught…

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10 days ago

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Twitter

This is Sid. He got famous a few years ago for holding a piece of pizza. Wanted to let everyone know he’s still thr…

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10 days ago

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Twitter

therapist: and what is it about this generation that bothers you?

satan: i give them the intro tour and they just…

from twitter_favs
11 days ago

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[unknown title]

🧠: OK mouth, you always screw this up. Don’t screw this up. When you get dropped off at the airport—

🚘👨🏻: Have a…

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11 days ago

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Twitter

This is Remy. He’s here to say it’s okay if you eat some sand. Because how else are you supposed to know how it tas…

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13 days ago

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Twitter

Kicked off my Sunday at Clifton Day! Lots of food and craft stands, and you can get here by @VaRailXpress. It was g…

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13 days ago

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Twitter

no rich beltway dickhead has ever had a conversation with a normal person which is why whenever they try to make up…

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14 days ago

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Twitter

Confused as to where these ideas came from?

Confused why there is systemic prejudice against women?

Quick thread…

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14 days ago

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Twitter

Home.

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14 days ago

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Twitter

I pet Bosco. He is a 5 month old Australian Shepherd. Bosco is a crazy puppy! He likes to run around and play fetch…

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14 days ago

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Twitter

Instead of their reactive brand of politics, Democrats might consider doing something bold, like publishing the res…

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15 days ago

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Twitter

Was gonna do a long, sentimental tweet storm but I don’t have time for that so just wanna say my podcast…

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17 days ago

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Twitter

The North American Free Trade Agreement
2 Free 2 Trade
NAFTA: Tokyo Drift
North & American
Free 5
Trade & Agreement…

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19 days ago

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Twitter

I pet Hiro. He is a 7 year old Japanese Chin. Hiro only cares about food. He likes to go out early, get his belly w…

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19 days ago

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Twitter

This is Zaffy. She likes to relax in the pool and blow bubbles after a long walk. An incredibly advanced maneuver f…

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19 days ago

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Twitter
from twitter_favs
19 days ago

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Twitter

This is Theodore. He had a very long day. Did lots of important things I bet. 12/10 would poke his toe beans

from twitter_favs
20 days ago

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Twitter

Just spent $8.99 on eBay to buy the entirety of Ken Burns' "Baseball" on VHS. A steep price, to be sure, but it'll…

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21 days ago

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Twitter

#EleNao #NossaFamiliasExistem

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21 days ago

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Twitter

Men, please note how often Ford has smiled, cracked jokes, and offered to be “helpful,” all around her palpable fea…

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23 days ago

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Twitter

I pet Daisy. She is a 6 month old Chiweenie. Daisy is friendly and lovable. Her favorite toy is a pig that oinks. E…

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24 days ago

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Twitter

Have I mentioned recently that my dog is on Instagram at @ primodogcontent and you can see pictures of him with cap…

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24 days ago

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Twitter

This is Ruby. She’s even a good girl in her dreams. Was finally rewarded for it. 14/10 the best way to wake pup

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24 days ago

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Twitter

I literally cried my eyes out reading this last night 😭💖 as a former trans woman in prison and one time homeless ki…

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24 days ago

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Twitter
from twitter_favs
24 days ago

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Twitter

It's tough out there. But you can do it.

from twitter_favs
25 days ago

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Twitter

tfw you genuinely had no idea you just text the guy who invented the concept you just shit on
😲😲😲😭😭😭

from twitter_favs
26 days ago

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Twitter

Bro so was I and the worst thing I did was think Chasing Amy was smart

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26 days ago

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Twitter

Bad news, guys: I just rolled all the 20-sided dice and it turns out tomorrow three congressmen will tell us they u…

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26 days ago

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Twitter

A few years ago a show I was writing for needed pitches for what a drunk text from Superman would say. I pitched: "…

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26 days ago

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Twitter

if u have a love for senior pups then u should watch this

@TheGoldenRatio4

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26 days ago

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Twitter

Maggie can't go for walks anymore. As of last week, she can only make it a few houses before she starts to limp and…

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26 days ago

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Twitter

Rod Rosenstein, who has either resigned or not, or been fired or not, or is on the way to the White House to resign…

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26 days ago

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Twitter

Last night, my 70-yr-old Lyft driver brought up Kavanaugh. I girded myself for the worst. Instead he told me when h…

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26 days ago

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Twitter

My son has parked his bike by this lamppost just about every day for the last year. This morning, this sticker had…

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26 days ago

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Twitter

Of all people, I would’ve thought Rep. King would be the last to advocate for an all-female and queer Supreme Court…

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26 days ago

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Twitter

When your more social capable friend invites you to a party and you know no one

from twitter_favs
27 days ago

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Twitter

This is Toby. He’s very excited for spooky season. Hopes you like his bow tie. He tied it himself. 13/10 would carv…

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28 days ago

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Twitter

All my petal wishes would be for Misha to know that she is loved SO MUCH.

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4 weeks ago

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Twitter

This is Misha. She likes the petals that fall from the trees. Thinks she gets one wish per petal. Would like them a…

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4 weeks ago

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Twitter

Gundam counts as partying...

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4 weeks ago

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Twitter

I'd like hackernews more if it were a totally different website with an entirely different community, or maybe no c…

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4 weeks ago

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Twitter

<simple technical question>
tech bros: "wow wtf dude RTFM like the rest of us you lazy asshole get rekt"

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔…

from twitter_favs
4 weeks ago

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Twitter

Look at this genius!

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4 weeks ago

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Twitter

You know who was really excited to take pictures of this purse? @gettyimages.
You know who wasn’t? Every other phot…

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4 weeks ago

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Twitter
from twitter_favs
4 weeks ago

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Twitter

this is going into all my security presentations

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5 weeks ago

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Twitter

@dcbeer some sidewalk beers are more surprising than others...

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5 weeks ago

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Twitter

today's voicemail: "Parisa, your dad forgot the pin code to his tablet and can't login. Can you tell us how to do a…

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5 weeks ago

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Twitter

Motherfucker that’s a left hand

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5 weeks ago

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Twitter

Working a @BetoORourke phone bank and I just had an elderly man tell me “I hope Ted Cruz gets elected to hell” so y…

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5 weeks ago

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Twitter

This is Graham. He doesn’t understand why he’s not allowed to climb in the dishwasher. 13/10 just wanted to help

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5 weeks ago

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