robertogreco + humor   839

Green New Deal: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO) - YouTube
"With the Green New Deal sparking a national conversation about all the ways to combat climate change, John Oliver looks at a few potential solutions."
greennedeal  2019  policy  climatechange  globalwarming  carbontax  emissions  billnye  humor  politics  us  canada  uk 
4 days ago by robertogreco
List: Revolutionary Quotes From Centrist History - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Although, that doesn’t really seem fair to the rich, does it?”
— Jesus Christ, 28 AD

“No taxation without representation. I’m not sure how much representation, I don’t have an exact number.”
— James Otis, 1761

“We hold these truths to be self-evident but just worry that the vast majority of Americans won’t be ready to embrace them.”
— Declaration of Independence, 1776

“Crime butchers Innocence to secure a throne, and Innocence struggles with all its might to have a civil conversation with Crime.”
— Maximilien Robespierre, 1794

“Power concedes nothing without a demand. But maybe we should try politely asking again!”
— Frederick Douglass, 1857

“A house divided against itself sounds expensive to rebuild.”
— Abraham Lincoln, 1858

“Men, their rights, and nothing more. Women, their rights, which I am now prepared to announce that, after quite a bit of soul-searching, I am in support of.”
— Susan B. Anthony & Cady Elizabeth Stanton, 1866

“The only thing we have to fear is… any fundamental change to the status quo.”
— Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1932

“We shall compromise on the beaches, we shall compromise on the landing grounds, we shall compromise on the field and in the streets, we shall compromise in the hills, and we will see if surrendering makes sense long-term.”
— Winston Churchill, 1940

“Ask not what your country can do for you. End of sentence.”
— John F. Kennedy, 1961

“Every true Congressman or woman will join the struggle with inflexible determination not to remain alive to see the country in bondage and slavery. Which I admire, but is it realistic?”
— Mahatma Gandhi, 1942

“In the end, anti-black, anti-female, and all forms of discrimination are equivalent to the same thing: anti-humanism. Oh, and being anti-white and anti-men, we need to be fair to both sides here.”
— Shirley Chisholm, 1972

“We shall crush apartheid and white minority racist rule in the marketplace of ideas.”
— Nelson Mandela, 1980

“Maybe, we might.”
— Barack Obama, 2008

“Disrupt the system with a centrist approach.”
— Howard Schultz, 2019
centrism  humor  2019  politics  democrats  jonthanappel 
9 weeks ago by robertogreco
List: If People Talked to Other Professionals the Way They Talk to Teachers - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency
"“Ah, a zookeeper. So, you just babysit the animals all day?”

- - -
“My colon never acts this way at home. Are you sure you’re reading the colonoscopy results correctly? Did you ever think that maybe you just don’t like my colon?”

- - -
“I’d love to just play with actuary statistics all day. That would be so fun! I bet you don’t even feel like you’re at work!”

- - -
“You’re a sanitation worker, huh? I hated my garbage collectors when I was growing up. One of them once yelled at me when I stood directly in front of their truck and kept it from completing its appointed rounds, and ever since then I’ve just loathed all of them, everywhere.”

- - -
“So you run a ski lodge? Do you just, like, chill during the summer? Must be nice.”

- - -
“Since my singer-songwriter thing isn’t taking off yet, I’ve been thinking about going into lawyer-ing. I mean, how hard can it be? I know criminals like me, or at least the two that I see once a year at Thanksgiving do.”

- - -
“I bet that’s the best part of being a banker — all the free money!”

- - -
“Do you even read your patients’ charts, or do you just assign them a random dosage based on how nice they’ve been to you?”

- - -
“Before you give me a ticket, Officer, I just wanted to mention: My taxes pay your salary.”

- - -
“Excuse me, my seven-year-old son, who mere minutes ago lied about whether he had to pee or not, just told me that you wouldn’t give him any ketchup even though he says he asked for it politely. Now I’m going to ask the manager to move us to another server’s table, and also fire you.”

- - -
“Since you’re a plumber, and you’re around them all day, I have to ask — do you ever find one of your pipes attractive? Even though you know you shouldn’t go there?”

- - -
“Sure, the pay is low, but I bet the joy of putting together press releases for local events is reason enough to stick with this job in the events division of the Chamber of Commerce. You must really believe in its mission.”

- - -
“Oh, you’re a stand-up comedian, huh? So, you just stand up there and bullshit until your set is done?”

- - -
“Damn! Look at you in that dress! Now I’m Hot for Quality Control Manager for the Western Division!”"
humor  teaching  education  shannonread  via:lukeneff  2018 
january 2019 by robertogreco
foone on Twitter: "So, programmers, you know those systems that have been maintained for TOO LONG? that are just too expensive (in terms of technical debt) to replace, that are just hacks on hacks on hacks at this point, are a never ending maintenance nig
"So, programmers, you know those systems that have been maintained for TOO LONG? that are just too expensive (in terms of technical debt) to replace, that are just hacks on hacks on hacks at this point, are a never ending maintenance nightmare that can't be killed?

That's life. Not in the sense of "your life", but Life in general.
Life was a moderately scoped novel idea for a single-celled lifeform that consumed chemicals spewing out of deep sea vents. simple, easy, ship by christimas, we'll be done and can move onto other projects.

THAT WAS 4.5 BILLION YEARS AGO

AND WHERE'S THAT PROJECT NOW? WELL, IT'S WRITING (AND READING) THIS TWITTER POST. HOW'S THAT FOR FUCKING FEATURE CREEP?

with evolution, there's no second system. there's only iterative development over billions of years. it's frankly lucky that anything works at this point.

it'd be a fun idea for a comedy sketch. an anthropomorized God comes to reverse how the "Life" project is doing, and Evolution has to present their work.

"So, how are those sulfur-eaters doing? I know you had some schedule slips, but I bet they're really optimized now."
"Well... let's focus on the positives. They made it to the Moon!"
"The... Moon?"

"And they built global communication network! They can transmit messages around the world in milliseconds, and they use this for all sorts of things. Entertainment, commerce, diplomacy..."
"HOW DOES THIS HELP THEM CONSUME SULFUR?"

"Let's not focus on the 'Human' branch so much. Check this branch out: The Blue Whale! Largest animal, EVER, even bigger than those award winners back before we had that crash back 65 million years ago. we're talking 190 tons, 100 feet long."

"Amazing. Well, at least you're sticking with the sea-bound branch. I never really believed in that 'land-based' fork."
"Uh, well, about that"
"What?"
"They're descended from land animals..."

"You're telling me that you took my design for single-celled life, built it up into multi-cellular life, build the whole "fish" branch, then they developed that into land-based animals, developed mammals as a specialized sub-class of land-mammals, then PUT THEM BACK IN THE SEA?"

"Yeah. They're actually related to giraffes."
"WHAT THE FUCK IS A GIRAFFE?"
"Steven, can you bring in the Giraffe?"

"Check out the long neck on this baby!"
"Why? Why would you do this?"
"Well, we thought it'd be useful for eating leaves higher up in the trees, but it turns out they don't really do that. Instead they mainly use it for watching for predators and keeping track of other giraffes."

"Wait, wait. I remember seeing an earlier document on this. How'd you handle the
recurrent laryngeal nerve problem?"
"Pardon?"
"Yeah, yeah, in vertebrates the left nerve goes under the aortic arch. You clearly had to redesign that for an animal as long-necked as this 'Giraffe'"

"uhh... well, you see..."
"Don't tell me that you didn't..."
"We ran out of time, and couldn't do a full redesign of that system. We just had to hack it into a working state, so we just..."
"You just what?"
"... made it longer?"

"You made it longer? but it only goes from the larynx to the vagus nerve! those are both up there in the top of the neck!"
"Yeah, but for historical reasons we designed it to go around the aortic arch in the heart. It made sense back in the early tetrapod era, with fish"

"So how long is it now? In Giraffes?"
"Uh... it's about 15 feet long"
"YOU TAKE A DETOUR OF NEARLY 5 METERS JUST SO YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO REDESIGN IT?"
"yeah. Man, you should have seen some of those sauropod designs back in the day! We're talking 92 feet, 30 meters!"

"No wonder we canceled that project."

"Don't worry. The 'human' branch is working on canceling the rest of the projects for us, so we'll finally be free of this mess."
"Good. I've been meaning to start working on the Europa site, it looks like it'll be a lot more fun. No "land", just miles and miles of sea.""
coding  evolution  humor  life  2018  nature  biology 
september 2018 by robertogreco
Buddy, the Library Isn't a 7-Eleven | Literary Hub
"Today someone handed me a Costco card. For what purpose? To check out books, of course! This is the fourth time in my illustrious library career that this has happened.

In honor of this brave soul (who owes me 600 Costco-sized boxes of Kraft macaroni and cheese and a legit flight of boxed wines if they try this again), I present to you a collection of interesting items people have asked for at the circulation desk:

– My full coffee mug, my breakfast, my lunch, my dinner, the gum from my mouth

– Birthday party supplies (for a party they were planning to throw in in the library, SURPRISE!)

– Ibuprofen

– Plastic bags to clean up after a dog (where was the dog, we don’t know)

– The newest season of Game of Thrones that had not yet aired on TV

– A ream of copier paper

– Two reams of copier paper

– Printer ink

– Eight feet of “heavy duty” chain

– Birdseed

– Tampons (this one I get—tampons and sanitary pads should be free, and they should be available in every restroom, don’t @ me)

– Tomorrow’s newspaper

– Lottery tickets

– Cigarettes

– A VHS player

– The book with the blue cover, the book with the red cover, the book with the green cover

– The book that’s about horses . . . but not like about, horses, you know?

– Breath mints (cinnamon preferred)

– Tip for pizza delivery (delivered to the library, didn’t even offer me a goddamn slice)

– A microscope

– JOANN Fabric coupons

– A book of clean jokes (for a bachelor party)

– A scooter repair kit

– A fishing license

– Any items from Lost & Found “worth over 100 dollars”

– Eyeglasses

– My eyeglasses

– Sunglasses

– My sunglasses

– Canned corn

– Sunscreen, a beach towel, a swimsuit

– A terrarium

– The hair tie on my wrist

– “I like that necklace you’re wearing can I borrow it”

– Breakfast cereal, “but not that sugary crap”

– A spare tire

– A lawnmower

– Pasta sauce

– Glow sticks “for a rave”

– Keys to the library to come in after hours and “do some stuff”

– Wart remover

– A dictionary, but only one that doesn’t include swears

– A sharpie, to “mark out the swears in the books”

– Chapstick

– Alvin and the Chipmunks puppets

– An exorcism kit (“What do you mean what’s an exorcism kit??”)

– A cello

– 20 to 30 inflatable balloons (red preferred)

– Tax forms

– TAX FORMS

– T A X F O R M S

– “Do you guys have any eclipse glasses”

– “Do you guys have mayo—not Miracle Whip?”

– Markers, but only the ones scented like fruit

– A fake mustache

– A frisbee

– Any plants the library “isn’t currently using”

– Sidewalk chalk (“How can you guys not have sidewalk chalk? This is the worst library!”)

– Electromagnetic detectors for ghost hunting

– Sunflower seeds

The best part about this list is I’ll just get to keep adding to it, forever and ever, amen.

My fellow librarians and library staff: what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever been asked for at the circulation desk? I’ll feature the best answers in my next column!

Okay, gotta go, someone wants to borrow my car."
libraries  humor  librarians  2018  retail  us  capitalism  kristenarnett 
august 2018 by robertogreco
Teju Cole en Instagram: “⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Among the most revealing material, in aggregate, from the past two years, is what left and liberal white Americans find funny…”
"Among the most revealing material, in aggregate, from the past two years, is what left and liberal white Americans find funny (not only them, but primarily them): what they find funny, what they find fascinating, what they think counts as a clever riposte to horror. They amplify the horror with their jokes, or with a performance of disgust at it all, but a disgust that is possible only because it is episodic, impersonal and, finally, generative of more mirth. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Everyone hopes for a viral tweet. The skill of letting foolishness pass without comment is in short supply. And how much of the commentary is clever, how much of it is mere clever chatter.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
"I have of late, (but wherefore I know not) lost all my mirth..."
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
We need a poetics of humorlessness. We need to extricate the refusal to laugh from automatic moral condemnation (“Don’t be so humorless!”) and re-recognize it as a valid and apt strategy of refusal. To opt out of the general laughter is not to be anti-social. Sometimes it's just not funny. Or what’s funny about it is darker, costlier, less obvious, more secret.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
In another section of the prison camp, where the prisoners are treated more harshly, there are fewer jokes. There is less likelihood, in this part of the prison—where from time to time prisoners are taken away and killed— of confusing “coping through humor” with “garnering momentary prestige through a public performance of wit.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

In this harsher section of the prison camp, the prisoners nevertheless are forced to hear at all hours, through the prison walls, the incessant laughter from the other side."
tejucole  2018  internet  online  twitter  attention  behavior  liberalism  horror  performance  humor  humorlessness  morality  jokes  laughter  condemnation 
august 2018 by robertogreco
The Blog of Phyz: Be careful with your parabolic mirror
"[image]

Let's say you you were into making solar ovens. Let's say that you decided a few years ago to make the best solar oven ever. Further, let's stipulate that you saw a nearly meter-diameter Direct TV antenna on the side of the road. An idea happened. You rushed to the local plastics store and bought highly reflective Mylar and glued it to the antenna.

Your solar oven was pretty amazing. While the hot spot wasn't super small, it was hot. Really hot. It can pasteurize a liter of water in 15 minutes.

And now you work at the Exploratorium and you think that you might bring it to work for grins. If you forget it in the back of the your Outback face up on a sunny day near the solstice, well, it can melt the molding in a fairly impressive way. I think I was lucky that my car didn't catch on fire.

[image]

You might be wondering how I could make such a mistake? I had a lot to carry into the Exploratorium, and the mirror wouldn't fit on the cart. I planned on coming back in a few minutes, but I got busy doing something else, and it slipped my mind. Coming back in the afternoon, I sat in the driver seat and looked into the rear view mirror.

[image]

Uh oh.

[image]

If you want to make your own parabolic mirror, you can find some excellent instructions here.

Marc "Zeke" Kossover"
classideas  optic  science  physics  mirrors  exploratorium  2018  humor  disasters  marckossover 
august 2018 by robertogreco
Businessweek - Bloomberg
"We asked leading designers to brand the proposed agency."



"Ever since Richard Danne and Bruce Blackburn’s classic NASA logo, graphic design has helped blend our sci-fi dreams with the reality of space exploration. On June  18, President Trump said he wanted the Pentagon to form a “Space Force.” We asked eight leading designers to create logos for this new institution and explain the thinking behind them."
spaceforce  logos  2018  humor 
august 2018 by robertogreco
Cory Doctorow: Things that happen in Silicon Valley and also the...
"Anton Troynikov: [https://twitter.com/atroyn/status/1014974099930714115 ]

• Waiting years to receive a car you ordered, to find that it’s of poor workmanship and quality.
• Promises of colonizing the solar system while you toil in drudgery day in, day out.
• Living five adults to a two room apartment.
• Being told you are constructing utopia while the system crumbles around you.
• ‘Totally not illegal taxi’ taxis by private citizens moonlighting to make ends meet.
• Everything slaved to the needs of the military-industrial complex.
• Mandatory workplace political education.
• Productivity largely falsified to satisfy appearance of sponsoring elites.
• Deviation from mainstream narrative carries heavy social and political consequences.
• Networked computers exist but they’re really bad.
• Henry Kissinger visits sometimes for some reason.
• Elite power struggles result in massive collateral damage, sometimes purges.
• Failures are bizarrely upheld as triumphs.
• Otherwise extremely intelligent people just turning the crank because it’s the only way to get ahead.
• The plight of the working class is discussed mainly by people who do no work.
• The United States as a whole is depicted as evil by default.
• The currency most people are talking about is fake and worthless.
• The economy is centrally planned, using opaque algorithms not fully understood by their users."
ussr  russia  economics  siliconvalley  disruption  politics  indoctrination  centralization  policy  2018  currency  planning  conformity  conformism  drudgery  work  labor  humor  tesla  elonmusk  jeffbezos  wageslavery  failure  henrykissinger  us  government  governance  ideology  experience  class  collateraldamage  elitism  antontroynikov  consequences  space  utopia  workmanship  quality  accountability  productivity  falsification  workplace  colonization 
july 2018 by robertogreco
mordeaux🌹 on Twitter: "Who can forget the rallying cry of the Paris Commune: “To the barricades comrades! And once there we will remember to be realistic about our demands!”"
"Who can forget the rallying cry of the Paris Commune: “To the barricades comrades! And once there we will remember to be realistic about our demands!”

And of course the closing line of the Communist Manifesto: “Workers of the world unite with the progressive elements of the bourgeoisie, you have nothing to lose but your chains and a world to incrementally gain over time so long as it does not disrupt the market”

As the preamble to the IWW constitution says: “The working class and the employing class have nothing in common, except for a genuine desire to make capitalism more humane.”

As Lenin said in 1917: “A fair and reasonable amount of power to the Soviets!”

In the words of Rosa Luxemburg: “Concessions or barbarism!”

The great Fred Hampton: “You can kill a revolutionary, and you probably should unless you want bad news coverage for your movement.”

James Connolly: “The Irish people will only be free, when they can affordably rent everything from the plough to the stars.”

Most importantly Eugene V. Debs: “I said then, and I say now, that while there is a lower class, I am in it, and while there is a criminal element I am of it, and while there is a soul in prison, I will be careful talking openly about prison abolition.”

Thomas Sankara: “We must dare to somewhat improve the future!”

A great one from Fidel Castro: “I find capitalism repugnant. It is filthy, it is gross, it is alienating... because it causes war, hypocrisy and competition. But hey, what are ya gonna do? They have drones now 🤷‍♀️”

In the words of Ho Chi Minh: “The Vietnamese people deeply love independence, freedom and peace. But in the face of United States aggression they have strategically gained a few non-reformist reforms and that’s really all they can hope for.”

Mao: “All reactionaries are paper tigers. In appearance, the reactionaries are terrifying, but in reality, they are made of paper so we have to be very gentle with them and not upset them too much.”

A poignant point from Hugo Chavez: “We must reduce all the emissions that are destroying the planet. However, that requires a change in lifestyle, a change in the economic model: We must go from capitalism to a free market solution that will encourage new efficient technology”

A personal favorite from Assata Shakur: “Everybody in the world, everybody in history, has always gotten their freedom by appealing to the moral sense of the people who were oppressing them.”

Patrice Lumumba: “The only thing which we wanted for our country is the right to a worthy life, to dignity without pretence, to independence without restrictions. This was never the desire of the Belgian colonialists and their Western allies and it’s important to hear both sides”

Angela Davis: “As a black woman, my politics and political affiliation are bound up with and flow from participation in my people's struggle for liberation, and with the fight of oppressed people all over the world against Bernie bros”

Big Bill Haywood: “If one man has a dollar he didn't work for, some other man worked and received a fair market rate for his time.”

Karl Marx: “The executive of the modern state is nothing but a committee for fairly balancing the interests of labor against the realities of the market”"
humor  socialism  communism  capitalism  centrism  politics  democrats  mikemordowanec  vi:justincharles  karlmarx  markets  labor  work  rosaluxemburg  eugenedebs  fredhampton  thomassankara  lenin  iww  hochiminh  assatashakur  patricelumumba  angeladavis  billhaywood  fidelcastro  maozedong  vladimirlenin  hugochávez 
may 2018 by robertogreco
General Vagaries. • winchysteria: ossacordis: crockpotcauldron: ...
"there’s something endlessly hilarious to me about the phrase “hotly debated” in an academic context. like i just picture a bunch of nerds at podiums & one’s like “of course there was a paleolithic bear cult in Northern Eurasia” and another one just looks him in the eye and says “i’l kill you in real life, kevin”

>>

[image

"The Milton scholars screamed and argued about how the serpent was supposed to move before it crawled on its belly. Dr. Matthews, enraged that Dr. Goldstein could believe the serpent bounced around on the coiled end of its tail, flipped over the conference table. "Satan is not a fucking pogo stick!" he howled."]

>>

I heard a story once about two microbiologists at a conference who took it out into the parking lot to have a literal fistfight over taxonomy.

>>

have i told this story yet? idk but it’s good. The Orangutan Story:

my american lit professor went to this poe conference. like to be clear this is a man who has a doctorate in being a book nerd. he reads moby dick to his four-year-old son. and poe is one of the cornerstones of american literature, right, so this should be right up his alley?

wrong. apparently poe scholars are like, advanced. there is a branch of edgar allen poe scholarship that specifically looks for coded messages based on the number of words per line and letters per word poe uses. my professor, who has a phd in american literature, realizes he is totally out of his depth. but he already committed his day to this so he thinks fuck it! and goes to a panel on racism in poe’s works, because that’s relevant to his interests.

background info: edgar allen poe was a broke white alcoholic from virginia who wrote horror in the first half of the 19th century. rule 1 of Horror Academia is that horror reflects the cultural anxieties of its time (see: my other professor’s sermon abt how zombie stories are popular when people are scared of immigrants, or that purge movie that was literally abt the election). since poe’s shit is a product of 1800s white southern culture, you can safely assume it’s at least a little about race. but the racial subtext is very open to interpretation, and scholars believe all kinds of different things about what poe says about race (if he says anything), and the poe stans get extremely tense about it.

so my professor sits down to watch this panel and within like five minutes a bunch of crusty academics get super heated about poe’s theoretical racism. because it’s academia, though, this is limited to poorly concealed passive aggression and forceful tones of inside voice. one professor is like “this isn’t even about race!” and another professor is like “this proves he’s a racist!” people are interrupting each other. tensions are rising. a panelist starts saying that poe is like writing a critique of how racist society was, and the racist stuff is there to prove that racism is stupid, and that on a metaphorical level the racist philosophy always loses—

then my professor, perhaps in a bid to prove that he too is a smart literature person, loudly calls: “BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ORANGUTAN?”

some more background: in poe’s well-known short story “the murder in the rue morgue,” two single ladies—a lovely old woman and her lovely daughter who takes care of her, aka super vulnerable and respectable people—are violently killed. the murderer turns out to be not a person, but an orangutan brought back by a sailor who went to like burma or something. and it’s pretty goddamn racially coded, like they reeeeally focus on all this stuff about coarse hairs and big hands and superhuman strength and chattering that sounds like people talking but isn’t actually. if that’s intentional, then he’s literally written an analogy about how black people are a threat to vulnerable white women, which is classic white supremacist shit. BUT if he really only meant for it to be an orangutan, then it’s a whole other metaphor about how colonialism pillages other countries and brings their wealth back to europe and that’s REALLY gonna bite them in the ass one day. klansman or komrade? it all hangs on this.

so the place goes dead fucking silent as every giant ass poe stan in the room is immediately thrust into a series of war flashbacks: the orangutan argument, violently carried out over seminar tables, in literary journals, at graduate student house parties, the spittle flying, the wine and coffee spilled, the friendships torn—the red faces and bulging veins—curses thrown and teaching posts abandoned—panels just like this one fallen into chaos—distant sirens, skies falling, the dog-eared norton critical editions slicing through the air like sabres—the textual support! o, the quotes! they gaze at this madman in numb disbelief, but he could not have known. nay, he was a literary theorist, a 17th-century man, only a visitor to their haunted land. he had never heard the whistle of the mortars overhead. he had never felt the cold earth under his cheek as he prayed for god’s deliverance. and yet he would have broken their fragile peace and brought them all back into the trenches.

much later, when my professor told this story to a poe nerd friend, the guy said the orangutan thing was a one of the biggest landmines in their field. he said it was a reliable discussion ruiner that had started so many shouting matches that some conferences had an actual ban on bringing it up.

so my professor sits there for a second, still totally clueless. then out of the dead silence, the panel moderator stands up in his tweed jacket and yells, with the raw panic of a once-broken man:

WE! DO NOT! TALK ABOUT! THE ORANGUTAN!"
conferences  via:robinsonmeyer  2018  academia  arguments  debate  humor  orangutans  racism  disagreement  rules  taxonomy  johnmilton  edgarallanpoe  serpents  highered  highereducation  education 
february 2018 by robertogreco
dani on Twitter: "It started with x+4... and I couldn’t unhear it. I was supposed to do my math homework but instead I figured out what the Cantina Theme wou… https://t.co/OkYdzAcuN9"
"It started with x+4... and I couldn’t unhear it.
I was supposed to do my math homework but instead I figured out what the Cantina Theme would sound like if your instrument was a pencil. (Volume all the way up)

With music for those wondering what the heck this is.
(Excuse my reddit tag, I wasn’t about to re-edit the video for Twitter, no sir)

Here’s the Imperial March my friends"
music  math  mathematics  fun  humor  sound  classideas  2018  starwars 
january 2018 by robertogreco
ToBoldlyGo | dovewithscales: hyratel: dovewithscales: ...
"Mammals both produce milk and have hair. Ergo, a coconut is a mammal.

I know you’re being facetious, but this is an actual issue with morphology-based phylogeny.

*leans over and whispers to person beside me* what are they talking about

*leans over and whispers back* Human ability to quantify and categorize natural phenomena is sketchy at best and wildly misleading at worst

consider the coconut

this reminds me of that time Plato defined humans as “featherless bipeds” and Diogenes ran in with a plucked chicken screaming “BEHOLD A MAN!”

i love how you say “it reminds me of that time” like you were there.

listen if an immortal feels brave and supported enough to come out we should respect them

This post is a journey

1 Reblog = 1 Respect

I maintain that humans started attempting classify animals, and some god or another made the platypus, and is still laughing.

Zeus: *hits joint* okay so like. It’s gonna have a duck bill right. But an otter body okay? And then a beaver tail. It’s a mammal. But. It lays eggs!

Hades: wait wait dude. Give it. Give it poison. Make it poisonous

Athena: You mean venomous, and make sure the eggs have both reptile and bird traits.

Hermes: *takes the joint* Give it extra senses.

Poseidon: It should be aquatic.

I MEAN where’s the lie

Demeter: … And where exactly do you expect me to put this?

Everyone: Australia."

[via: https://twitter.com/chappelltracker/status/929779247501266944 ]
humor  animals  taxonomy  classification  phylogeny  morphology  tumblr  greekmyths  platypus  coconuts 
november 2017 by robertogreco
List: Things This City Was Built On, Besides Rock ‘n’ Roll - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency
"Navajo burial ground

12 trillion tons of reinforced concrete and steel

Government-protected wetlands

Your hard-earned tax dollars, folks. Your tax dollars

Drunken dare

Water-logged corpses of Irish immigrants

Previous bizarro underground version of this city"

[via:

""[M]y society is built on a hill of skulls" is the most visceral expression of this particular truth that I've ever heard. https://twitter.com/debcha/status/911689430347415558 "
https://twitter.com/jkriss/status/911691879799865344

"Of course, my joke cortex goes straight for this: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/things-this-city-was-built-on-besides-rock-n-roll "
https://twitter.com/jkriss/status/911695089134481408 ]
colonialism  environment  oppression  humor  urbanism  2015 
september 2017 by robertogreco
When Your Teacher Keeps Saying You Can’t Draw Cats, But Your Paintings Are Photorealistic | Bored Panda
"If you showed somebody these drawings and told them that they were accurate representations of cats, they'd probably laugh at you. But the truth is that they're actually purrfect depictions of our furry feline friends. Sure they're a little abstract, and ok, you might need to use your imagination with some of them, but as you can see from the pictures that inspired them, they're closer to the real thing than you might think. They were drawn by Heloisa, an artist from Brazil who posts their super-realistic creations on their Twitter account called Poorly Drawn Cats. Which one do you like the most? Let us know in the comments."
humor  cats  drawing 
july 2017 by robertogreco
Your car has just been crushed by hagfish: Frequently Asked Questions | Southern Fried Science
"1396 words • 6~10 min read
Your car has just been crushed by hagfish: Frequently Asked Questions
Wait, what?

Earlier today, Oregon State Police reported that a truck carrying a shipment of live hagfish overturned, spilling it’s slimy cargo all over the highway and damaging at least one vehicle."
science  humor  hagfish  2017  oregon  biology  andrewdavidthaler  nature  multispecies  fish  fishing  commercialfishing 
july 2017 by robertogreco
Cookie Monster on the Dole - The New Yorker
"Hard times for Muppets! Sad! Me think unemployment not easy for puppet with addiction issues. Me find unemployment very triggering. Me want to ask government, “Who is real monster here?”

Colleagues bad now, too. Elmo spiral into depression and eat his goldfish, Dorothy. Pepé the King Prawn worry about deportation. Miss Piggy now glorified geisha, forced to be active listener. Only good thing is most of us newly politicized. Me is totally woke. Use new free time to rally colleagues and to dialogue. Camaraderie good! Camaraderie powerful! During long hours together in unemployment line, you can really get deep, you can really go beyond the felt.

What strange to Muppet community is Muppets always like Donald Trump. Donald Trump always somehow seem like kindred spirit. Donald Trump seem like slightly more organized Fraggle. Yes, in nineteen-eighties, on “Sesame Street,” Ronald Grump character built tower of trash cans on Oscar’s turf. Yes, other time, on special, Joe Pesci play Ronald Grump and spit on Elmo. But mocking was gentle. Mocking gentle, and plus we give lots airtime. Donald Trump like airtime. Airtime is hair time. The letter “H”!

Me trying to transition into this new life chapter with grace. Me trying to find bright side: no more pledge drives, no more feeling old when realize all favorite TV shows are sponsored by river cruises. But sometimes cloud come over me in afternoon. Cloud of realization. Cloud of sad. More reflective now. Time makes puppets of us all. Bad!

Me talk to agent about possible second career as recording artist, because me often mistaken for gravel-voiced singer Tom Waits. Me think me has everything Tom Waits has, plus me is blue. Sad songs from blue person, very good, very meta. Agent laugh. Agent say more realistic direction is recovery memoir and ted talk. Agent say more realistic direction is therapy pet who visit hospitals—“Make-A-Wish but the meter is running, hon.” Agent also say that he get call about Cookie working as kind of Swiffer—some company want Cookie as a “electrostatic stanching shammy.” Now me laugh. Me think contemporary consumerism like virus that eat brain. Me unclear about meaning of “electrostatic stanching shammy,” but me pretty sure it mean rag.

So. Me trying to be big. Me trying to reap benefits of talk therapy. Therapist point out that Cookie strong because Cookie weathered changing attitudes about eating. Therapist talk about time, in 2005, when show had Hoots the Owl sing “A Cookie Is a Sometime Food.” Stupid song. Stupid song suggesting me had no jurisdiction or agency over throbbing id. That song the beginning of the end. That the singing on the wall. Me not like that song! That song just another unseen hand reaching up the Cookie ying-yang.

Now this new government hand. It not nice like Frank Oz hand. Frank Oz smell good, have light touch. Government hand rough, like that of teen-age boy. So now me take only route available: me wage cookie hunger strike. Me get Hoots the Owl to do duet of new song, “Bye-Bye, Biscotti.” Me get outside consulting firm to create slogan: “Nom, Nom NO.” Me tell world that “C” is not for cookie, “C” is for cauterize the wound that is direct result of rapacious governing. Me get sympathetic People cover in manner of survivor of rare disease.

Meanwhile, me send message to Washington via quiet assertion of strength. Me remind government that Cookie Monster have no eyelids. Me remind government that Cookie Monster always watching."
2017  cookiemonster  sesamestreet  humor  henryalford  unemployment  grace  government 
april 2017 by robertogreco
its the red kryptonite robin — Humans are adorable.
"Humans are adorable.

Supporting evidence:

1. Humans say ‘ow’, even if they haven’t actually been hurt. It’s just a thing they say when they think they might have been hurt, but aren’t sure yet.

2. Humans collect shiny things and decorate their bodies and nests with them. The shinier the better, although each individual has a unique taste for style and colouring

3. Humans are not an aquatic or even amphibious species, but they flock to bodies of water simply to play in it. They can’t even hold their breath all that long; they just love to splash!

4. When night falls and the sky goes dark, humans become drowsy and begin to cocoon themselves in soft, fluffy bedding.

5. Some humans spend time in each other’s nests! Just for fun! It’s not their nest; they’re just visiting each other.

6. Some humans use pigments and dyes to make their bodies flashy and colourful! They even attach shiny dangly bits to their cartalidgous membranes!

7. Humans are very clever, and sometimes adopt creatures from other species into their family units. They don’t seem to notice the obvious differences, and often raise them alongside their own young!

8. If a human sees another creature in distress, they can commonly be observed trying to help! Even at their own risk, most humans are deeply compassionate creatures!

9. If a human hears a particularity catchy sound or tune, it will often mimic it, even to the point of annoying themselves!

10. Sneezes are entirely involuntary, and completely adorable. Especially when the human in question becomes frustrated

11. Humans love treats!!! Some more than others. Many humans will save these treats specifically for a later date when they are in need of comfort or reassurance. IE, pickles, pop tarts, Popsicles, etc

12. They’re learning to travel in space!!! They can’t get very far, but they’re trying!!! So far, they’ve made it to the end of their yard, and have found rocks"

[via: https://twitter.com/sammynickalls/status/843966712450076676
via: https://twitter.com/tealtan/status/844347093359771648 ]
humans  humor  classideas  beauty  love 
march 2017 by robertogreco
The best of Atherton police blotter – The Mercury News
"Atherton police officers (as reported in this article on the department) routinely respond to “resident concerns” that would be a low priority in many other departments. Among the incidents reported in 2010 and 2011:

• Police assisted a man who stepped out onto a balcony and had the door close behind him.
• A resident hired a locksmith who hadn’t returned with the key.
• A person sitting in a vehicle outside a residence was waiting for a friend who lives there.
• A man was reported to be sitting down and talking to himself. Police made contact and confirmed he was using a cellphone.
• A large statue was stolen.
• A resident worried that a noisy hawk in a tree was in distress. When authorities arrived, the hawk was quiet and enjoying dinner.
• Four or five juveniles were reported to be running around at Selby Lane School and involved in “horseplay” on a summer afternoon.
• A resident asked for help finding a lost cat.
• A woman whose finger got stuck in a drain was reported to be conscious and breathing.
• A pedestrian was reported after midnight wearing black pants and a white dress shirt.
• A woman told police someone rang her doorbell but when she called out to ask who it was, no one answered. Police responded and determined the visitor had delivered a package.
• A resident called police to report that someone had tipped over his recycling containers.
• A man was reported to be lying on the ground, possibly writing.
• A person reported a man tried to hide his face, then turned and walked away.
• Police responding to reports of a suspicious person hollering “ho-ho-ho” on Christmas Eve encountered a man in a Santa costume who makes a habit of going up and down the street greeting his neighbors every year.
• Police assisted an Atherton man in a San Francisco bar who forgot where he was and called 9-1-1.
• A person seen walking at midday for two days in a row was contacted and determined to be using lunch breaks to get some exercise.
• Fruit has been disappearing from a tree.
• Loud birds were reported. Police responded and settled the situation.
• A resident reported two people came to the door seeking someone who spoke French.
• A banana, chocolate and whipping cream were found on a vehicle.
• A male truck driver wearing gloves reportedly made a U-turn and then stared at a person.
• A family reported being followed by a duck who resides on Tuscaloosa Avenue.
• And an all-time favorite, from 2002:
• A resident reported a large light in the sky. It was the moon.

The South Bay and Peninsula police blotter can be read online at www.mercurynews.com/crime-blotter."
atherton  humor  crime  police  2011  lawenforcement 
february 2017 by robertogreco
Lin-Manuel Miranda & Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson Present "Millennials: The Musical" - YouTube
"The Rock & Lin-Manuel Miranda present "Millennials: The Musical," a loving satire of musical theater and millennial culture. It tells the surprisingly uplifting story of a privileged Brooklynite, Crystal, whose world comes crumbling down when she loses her phone."
humor  millennials  therock  lin-manuelmiranda  musicals  behavior  2016 
january 2017 by robertogreco
An Actual Playable Tortilla Record Etched with a Laser Cutter - YouTube
"After a certain video went viral with someone "playing" a tortilla with some piped-in music, I wanted to see if I could make an actual working tortilla record."
tortillas  food  vinyl  music  audio  humor  2016 
august 2016 by robertogreco
LBJ Orders Pants - YouTube
"

In 1964, Lyndon Johnson needed pants, so he called the Haggar clothing company and asked for some. The call was recorded (like all White House calls at the time), and has since become the stuff of legend. Johnson's anatomically specific directions to Mr. Haggar are some of the most intimate words we've ever heard from the mouth of a President.



We at Put This On took the historic original audio and gave it to animator Tawd Dorenfeld, who created this majestic fantasia of bungholiana.

"
2011  1964  lyndonjohnson  pants  humor  clothing  lbj 
july 2016 by robertogreco
Radical Hope: A Teaching Manifesto – The Tattooed Professor
[Especially for this line: "Teaching is a radical act of hope."]

"Every summer, I take time to reflect on the academic year that was. The classes I taught, the workshops I either facilitated or attended, what I learned from failures and successes in and out of the classroom–when it comes to my teaching, I try to be a critically reflective practitioner. Directing a teaching center on my campus gives me a chance to also ground that reflection in the larger discourse about teaching and learning in higher education.

That discourse often doesn’t give one grounds for optimism; we’re continually reminded of the toll neoliberalism has exacted from higher education. Kansas, Louisiana, Wisconsin, and Illinois are only the most dramatic examples of a larger trend where higher education is a hostage to governing elites’ Randian economic fantasies. The fetishizing of “efficiencies” continues to erode faculty effectiveness, morale, and labor conditions. A narrow and misguided rhetoric of marketability and utility slowly chokes the Humanities. And, like a constant refrain above the din, we’re repeatedly told that students aren’t prepared for college, that technology makes them stupid, that none of them knows how to read or write or declaim or interact or balance a checkbook or do laundry or whatever. It’s easy, then, to slide into a sort of existential despair. Why bother teaching when it doesn’t matter? When no one cares about what you do or why you do it?

And, honestly, that’s where I was earlier this summer. It’s hard enough to cope with the challenges inherent in higher ed; coupled with the greasy dumpster fire that is our state of public affairs at the moment, it seems downright impossible. So I did what comes naturally to a historian–I went to my books, and then I wrote. Reconnecting with some of the books that have shaped me as an educator, and taking the time to write reflectively about where I think I stand, was a reminder that despite all of its problems, higher education is still a place of transformation and possibility. But it remains so only if we continually and intentionally hold it to the standards we know it should meet. And at the heart of that enterprise is what we do in the classroom. It comes down to, as it so often doefists, a conversation about teaching and learning.

In that spirit, I share here the products of my wrestling with angst and dismay, and the renewed drive it ultimately sparked.

This is my Teaching Manifesto.

If I want my students to take risks and not be afraid to fail then I need to take risks and not be afraid to fail.

It is tempting to think that “upholding disciplinary standards” is the only thing standing between us and the collapse of western civilization. It is also comically inaccurate.

Remember what Paolo Freire meant when he criticized the “banking model” of education, and take those insights to heart.

Learning cannot occur without metacognition and reflection. This applies to both us and our students.

Kids These Days are just like Kids in My Day, or Any Other Day, if we choose to remember honestly.

Our students are not us. If we merely teach to how we prefer to learn, we exclude a majority of our students.

I cannot assume my students will be able to do something that they have not been asked to do before coming to my class, and I cannot blame them for struggling with a task that’s new to them–no matter how ingrained that task is for me.

I am not the one to decide if a student is “ready for college.” That’s the student’s decision. If they’re admitted to my university and they’re in my class, I am ethically and morally obligated to give them my best.

They’re not deficiencies, they’re data points for our pedagogical decisions.

Just as students can get better at learning, I can get better at teaching. If I expect it from them, I should expect it from me.

There is a large body of scholarly research on teaching and learning. To not be conversant with at least its major findings is to commit professional malpractice.

If pedagogy and professional development are secondary priorities for you, don’t be surprised when your class is a secondary priority for your students.

It doesn’t matter how much I know if my students aren’t learning; knowledge must be used, not set up on a shelf to be admired but not touched.

Much of what we do in the classroom cannot be quantified.

And yet…“cannot be quantified” is not the same as “cannot be measured.” If we can’t demonstrate student learning, we aren’t doing it right.

Reclaim assessment for what it is meant to do: to show what our students can do as a result our classes. If we don’t tell our stories, someone else will tell them for us.

If universities truly value education, they cannot undercompensate or adjunctify the faculty and seriously claim to adhere to that commitment. As someone in a privileged academic position, I am obligated to speak this truth loudly and often.

Everyone is fighting their own battles, some on multiple fronts. Compassion and flexibility >>> being a hardass

Things whose pedagogical impact is often underestimated: empathy and humor.

Things whose pedagogical impact is often overestimated: shaming and rigidity.

When you say “rigor,” I think of corpses.

“Coverage” for coverage’s sake is where learning goes to die.

No matter what: Teaching is a radical act of hope."
pedagogy  technology  radicalism  teaching  2016  kevingannon  howwetech  why  thewhy  whyweteach  hope  rigor  empathy  humor  shaming  rigidity  flexibility  highered  highereducation  optimism  curriculum  manifestos  learning  metacognition  reflection  professionaldevelopment  content  knowledge  howwelearn  howweteach  via:audreywatters 
july 2016 by robertogreco
Bowiebranchia
"This blog comparing pictures of David Bowie and sea slugs makes total sense    

It works to such an uncanny degree it’s hard not to imagine that a young Bowie received an illustrated book of nudibranchia at a young age, and spent the rest of his career mining the pages for new looks"
davidbowie  music  tumblrs  humor  seaslugs  nudibranchia  via:meetar 
may 2016 by robertogreco
Learning / Sex — Carol Black
"Many of us have difficulty explaining the concept of unschooling, life learning, or self-directed learning to those who are unfamiliar with it. In an attempt to help unschoolers communicate their way of looking at things to the wider community, we have come up with the following helpful worksheet in two parts.

PART 1

To understand how unschoolers view education, simply take these common and widely held beliefs about sex, and replace the word "sex" with the word "learning."

1. The desire for _______ is a powerful human drive which expresses itself naturally at the developmentally appropriate time. It's important that young people are able to begin _______ when they feel ready and not when someone else pressures them to begin.

2. If people feel scrutinized, measured, or assessed during _______ it can take the fun out of it pretty fast.

3. It's not good manners to compare one person's performance in _______ to another person's. Any kind of scoring system that uses letters or numbers to rate a person at _______ would be wildly inappropriate.

4. While some people don't mind being watched, reprimanded, or threatened with punishment during _______, most people’s enjoyment of _______ tends to wane under those conditions.

5. When it comes to _______, people are all different. Anyone who tries to tell you that one kind of _______ is "normal" and another kind of _______ is a "disorder" should be viewed with skepticism.

6. Having a preconceived set of objectives can tend to take the pleasure out of _______. Sometimes it’s better to just dive into _______ and see where it goes.

7. Research shows that _______ performed for rewards such as money, food treats, praise, or trips to Disneyland is not the same as _______ engaged in for its own sake.

8. The right to personal choice in matters of _______ is fundamental to human dignity and happiness.

9. Sometimes _______ that takes a long time is even better than _______ that happens really fast.

*******

PART 2:

To understand how unschoolers view current education policy, simply take the following common statements about education and replace the word "learning" with the word "sex."

1. All students must be prepared to begin _______ by the same age, which will be determined on a statewide basis by a qualified panel of experts.

2. Students should not be allowed to fall behind their peers in ________ . Those who do must be identified as early as possible so that they can receive immediate professional intervention, including medication if necessary.

3. Students must master the skills for _______ in sequence, with the basic building blocks for _______ mastered and tested before higher-order _______ can begin.

4. The normal way to begin _______ is in a classroom using textbooks and worksheets rather than through experimentation and hands-on experience.

5. _______ is better in groups of 20 or 30 than one on one.

6. _______ should be scheduled in 45 minute sessions that begin and end promptly with the ringing of a loud bell.

7. It is not permitted to use the bathroom during _______ . Texting and snacking are also strictly forbidden.

8. Students should be given a clear rubric for _______ that tells them how many points will be earned for each _______ activity, as well as the criteria for scoring. Also make it clear how many points will be taken off for sloppiness or lateness.

9. Students’ progress at _______ should be constantly evaluated on a percentile basis, with their rank among their peers posted on a bulletin board in the hallway.

10. Parents can reward excellence in _______ by proudly putting a bumper sticker on their car announcing that their child is better than other people's children at _______.

11. The U.S Department of Education, through the use of federally mandated standards, intends to ensure that in the 21st century all American students achieve minimum performance levels at _______, so that we will be able to compete with the Chinese.

Congratulations!

Now you know how to think like an unschooler!"
carolblack  unschooling  deschooling  education  learning  howwelearn  nealmarlens  humor  sex  measurement  standardization  development  motivation  enjoyment  joy  dignity  policy  competition  ranking  rankings  howweteach  teaching 
may 2016 by robertogreco
A Too-Perfect Picture - The New York Times
"You know a Steve McCurry picture when you see one. His portrait of an Afghan girl with vivid green eyes, printed on the cover of National Geographic in June 1985, is one of the iconic images of the 20th century. McCurry’s work is stark and direct, with strong colors, a clear emotional appeal and crisp composition. His most recent volume of photographs, “India,” is a compendium of the pictures he took in that country between 1978 and 2014, and it also gives us the essential McCurry. There are Hindu festivals, men in turbans, women in saris, red-robed monks, long mustaches, large beards, preternaturally soulful children and people in rudimentary canoes against dramatic landscapes.

In McCurry’s portraits, the subject looks directly at the camera, wide-eyed and usually marked by some peculiar­ity, like pale irises, face paint or a snake around the neck. And when he shoots a wider scene, the result feels like a certain ideal of photography: the rule of thirds, a neat counterpoise of foreground and background and an obvious point of primary interest, placed just so. Here’s an old-timer with a dyed beard. Here’s a doe-eyed child in a head scarf. The pictures are staged or shot to look as if they were. They are astonishingly boring.

Boring, but also extremely popular: McCurry’s photographs adorn calendars and books, and command vertiginous prices at auction. He has more than a million followers on Instagram. This popularity does not come about merely because of the technical finesse of his pictures. The photographs in “India,” all taken in the last 40 years, are popular in part because they evoke an earlier time in Indian history, as well as old ideas of what photographs of Indians should look like, what the accouterments of their lives should be: umbrellas, looms, sewing machines; not laptops, wireless printers, escalators. In a single photograph, taken in Agra in 1983, the Taj Mahal is in the background, a steam train is in the foreground and two men ride in front of the engine, one of them crouched, white-bearded and wearing a white cap, the other in a loosefitting brown uniform and a red turban. The men are real, of course, but they have also been chosen for how well they work as types.

A defender of McCurry’s work might suggest that he is interested in exploring vanishing cultures. After all, even in the 21st century, not all Indians go to malls or fly in planes. Should he not be celebrated for seeking out the picturesque and using it to show us quintessential India? What is wrong with showing a culture in its most authentic form? The problem is that the uniqueness of any given country is a mixture not only of its indigenous practices and borrowed customs but also of its past and its present. Any given photograph encloses only a section of the world within its borders. A sequence of photographs, taken over many years and carefully arranged, however, reveals a worldview. To consider a place largely from the perspective of a permanent anthropological past, to settle on a notion of authenticity that edits out the present day, is not simply to present an alternative truth: It is to indulge in fantasy.

What a relief it is to move from Steve McCurry’s work to that of someone like Raghubir Singh. Singh worked from the late ’60s until his untimely death in 1999, traveling all over India to create a series of powerful books about his homeland. His work shares formal content with McCurry’s: the subcontinental terrain, the eye-popping color, the human presence. Within these shared parameters, however, Singh gives us photographs charged with life: not only beautiful experiences or painful scenes but also those in-between moments of drift that make up most of our days. Singh had a democratic eye, and he took pictures of everything: cities, towns, villages, shops, rivers, worshipers, workers, construction sites, motorbikes, statues, modern furniture, balconies, suits, dresses and, sure, turbans and saris.

The power of Singh’s pictures lies in part in their capacious content. But it also lies in their composition, which rises well beyond mere competence, as he demonstrated in books like “River of Colour,” “The Ganges” and “Bombay: Gateway of India.” Singh has cited Edgar Degas and the American photographer Helen Levitt as influences, and you can see what he has learned from their highly sophisticated approaches (Degas’s casual grace, Levitt’s sympathetic view of urban oddity and the way both of them let in messiness at the edges of their images — a messiness that reminds us of the life happening outside the frame as well as within it). A photograph like the one Singh made of a crowded intersection in Kolkata in 1987 draws a breathtaking coherence out of the chaos of the everyday. The image, of which the key elements are a green door, a distant statue, an arm and a bus, is slightly surreal. But everything is in its right place. It reads as a moment of truth snipped from the flow of life.

I love even more a photograph Singh made in Mumbai a couple of years later. Taken in a busy shopping district called Kemps Corner, this photograph has less-obvious charms. The picture is divided into four vertical parts by the glass frontage of a leather-goods shop and its open glass door, and within this grid is a scatter of incident. The main figure, if we can call her that, is a woman past middle age who wears a red blouse and a dark floral skirt and carries a cloth bag on a string. She is seen in profile and looks tired. Beyond her and behind are various other walkers in the city, going about their serious business. An overpass cuts across the picture horizontally. The foreground, red with dust, is curiously open, a potential space for people not yet in the picture. The glass on the left is a display of handbags for sale, and the peculiar lighting of the bags indicates that Singh used flash in taking the shot. The image, unforgettable because it stretches compositional coherence nearly to its snapping point, reminds me of Degas’s painting “Place de la Concorde,” another picture in which easy, classically balanced composition is jettisoned for something more exciting and discomfiting and grounded.

How do we know when a photographer caters to life and not to some previous prejudice? One clue is when the picture evades compositional cliché. But there is also the question of what the photograph is for, what role it plays within the economic circulation of images. Some photographs, like Singh’s, are freer of the censorship of the market. Others are taken only to elicit particular conventional responses — images that masquerade as art but fully inhabit the vocabulary of advertising. As Justice Potter Stewart said when pressed to define hard-core pornography in 1964, “I know it when I see it.”

I saw “it” when I recently watched the video for Coldplay’s “Hymn for the Weekend.” The song is typical Coldplay, written for vague uplift but resistant to sense (“You said, ‘Drink from me, drink from me’/When I was so thirsty/Poured on a symphony/Now I just can’t get enough”). Filmed in India, with a cameo by Beyoncé, the video is a kind of exotification bingo, and almost like a live-action version of Steve McCurry’s vision: peacocks, holy men, painted children, incense. Almost nothing in the video allows true contemporaneity to Indians. They seem to have been placed there as a colorful backdrop to the fantasies of Western visitors. A fantasy withers in the sunlight of realism. But as long as realism is held at bay, the fantasy can remain satisfying to an enormous audience. More than a hundred million people have watched the Coldplay video since it was posted at the end of January.

Are we then to cry “appropriation” whenever a Westerner approaches a non-Western subject? Quite the contrary: Some of the most insightful stories about any place can be told by outsiders. I have, for instance, seen few documentary series as moving and humane as “Phantom India,” released in 1969 by the French auteur Louis Malle. Mary Ellen Mark, not Indian herself, did extraordinary work photographing prostitutes in Mumbai. Non-Indians have made images that capture aspects of the endlessly complicated Indian experience, just as have Indian photographers like Ketaki Sheth, Sooni Taraporevala, Raghu Rai and Richard Bartholomew.

Art is always difficult, but it is especially difficult when it comes to telling other people’s stories. And it is ferociously difficult when those others are tangled up in your history and you are tangled up in theirs. What honors those we look at, those whose stories we try to tell, is work that acknowledges their complex sense of their own reality. Good photography, regardless of its style, is always emotionally generous in this way. For this reason, it outlives the moment that occasions it. Weaker photography delivers a quick message — sweetness, pathos, humor — but fails to do more. But more is what we are."
tejucole  photography  2016  stevemccurry  appropriation  india  culture  authenticity  raghubirsingh  drift  betweeness  democracy  diversity  composition  edgardegas  prejudice  censorship  markets  popularity  nationalgeographic  exotification  realism  outsiders  louismalle  maryellenmark  mumbai  katakisheth  soonitaraporevala  raghurai  richardbartholomew  complexity  reality  sweetness  pathos  humor 
april 2016 by robertogreco
Millennials Don't Exist! Adam Conover at Deep Shift - YouTube
"A millennial marketing conference asked me to give a talk on how to market to millennials. The thesis of the talk I gave: Millennials don't exist and the entire idea of "generations" is unscientific, condescending, and stupid. For more misconception destruction, check out my show ADAM RUINS EVERYTHING on TruTV! New episodes coming in August!"
millennials  generations  geny  generationy  2016  adamconover  demographics  humor  media  marketing  stereotypes 
march 2016 by robertogreco
I Am Fun
"I am fun.

I enjoy fun. I both have fun and can be fun. Fun is a word that accurately describes me and a large quantity of things of which I am fond. I appreciate fun when I encounter it, and I have even been known to partake in activities that produce fun for myself and others. Fun is something I often have when amongst a group of people. In such situations, I am capable of amusing others and, in turn, of being amused by them.

Thus, I am a fun person.

Perhaps it would be helpful for me to provide an example of a fun thing I do. I take part in levity. I enjoy jokes, which are fun. When the occasion presents itself, I have been known to make jokes of my own, thereby creating fun for those around me. This is because, like many other people I encounter, I have a sense of humor. A sense of humor is crucial to having fun and to being fun. When situations are humorous, I signal my recognition of the fun by laughing, just as you do. Just as most people do."
via:caseygollan  fun  hillaryclinton  humor  explainers  2015 
march 2016 by robertogreco
The Perfect Medium User — Medium
[See also: https://github.com/greyscalepress/manifestos ]

"A
Adventurous but not un-curated
Anxious but not without a support system
Argumentative but not willing to burn bridges
Athletic but not without the right gear

B
Brand partnerships but not poorly executed
Buddhist but not religious

C
Charismatic but not born that way
Complicit but not cynical
Creative but not an artist
Culture fit but not conformist

D
Disruptive but not to power structures
Dogmatic but not judgmental

E
Earnest but not self-aware
Educated but not academic
Efficient but not utilitarian
Emotional but not nuanced
Empathetic but not without trumpeting it
Executive but not authoritarian
Experimental but not avant-garde
Extravagant but not without having earned it

F
Fun-loving but not spontaneous

G
Greedy but not outwardly-so

H
Hacker but not really a coder
Hard-working but not on something that matters
Humorous but not funny

I
Idealistic but not too idealistic
In touch with nature but not during the work week
Independent but not without plenty of savings
Inoffensive but not safe for work
Inspirational but not with any follow-through
Interested but not enough hours in the day
Interspersed with professional content but not elevated by it

J
Juvenile but not a bro

K
Kindle but not over print

L
Libertarian but not into the singularity
Longform but not substantial

M
Male but not proud of it
Mansplaining but not without qualification

N
Navel-gazing but not without takeaways
NDA’d but not in stealth mode
Nomadic but not without a Macbook

O
Opportunistic but not even trying
Overwhelmed but not in danger

P
Perfect recommendation but not without a referral link
Persuasive but not lasting
Press release but not formal
Privileged but not doing anything about it

Q
Quirky but not insolvent

R
Rational but not without an anecdote
Rich but not relatively

S
Self-involved but not egomaniacal
Self-promoting but not without full disclosure
Selling something but not to everyone
Shared but not read yet
Sponsored content but not banner ads
Straight but not homophobic
Successful but not without precedent

T
Transparent but not legible

U
Unique but not too different
Unpolished but not off-the-cuff

V
Vain but not anyone’s fault in this day and age

W
Well-meaning but not going to happen
White but not without heritage
Worldly but not actually cultured

X
Xenophobic but not against immigration reform

Y
Young but not youthful

Z
Zen but not outside the office"
caseygollan  manifestos  medium  2016  culture  humor  web  online  internet 
march 2016 by robertogreco
Dr. Cornel West | Reflections on the Life and Legacy of Nelson Mandela | Official Web Site
[previously on militant tenderness and subversive sweetness: https://twitter.com/search?q=rogre%20militant%20tenderness ]

"The natural death of Nelson Mandela is the end of not only a monumental life but also an historic era. Like any spectacular cultural icon, Mandela was many things to all of us. Yet if we are to be true to his complex life and precious legacy, we must pierce through the superficial surfaces and market-driven fanfares. Mandela was a child of his age and a man who transcended and transformed his times. He was a revolutionary South African nationalist who embraced communists even as he embodied his Christian faith and enacted his democratic temperament. He was a congenial statesman whose prudential style and message of reconciliation saved South Africa from an ugly and bloody civil war.

Mandela the man was rooted in a rich African tradition of soulcraft that put a premium on personal piety, cultural manners and social justice. Ancestor appreciation, gentle embrace of others and fair treatment of all was shot through the "soul-making" of the young Nelson Mandela. The fusion of his royal family background, high Victorian and Edwardian education and anti-imperialist formation yielded a person of immense self-respect, moral integrity and political courage. These life-enhancing qualities pit Mandela against the life-denying realities of the dark underside of European imperialism—realities of pervasive terror, chronic trauma and vicious stigma. Yet though deeply wounded and perennially scarred by these realities, Mandela emerged from such nightmarish circumstances with sterling character—a militant tenderness, subversive sweetness and radical gentleness even acknowledged by his foes. To put it bluntly, Mandela the man chose to live a life of wise remembrance, moral reverence and political resistance rather than a life of raw ambition, blind avarice and personal subservience. More pointedly, Mandela refused to be intimidated by the Goliath-like powers of an authoritarian regime.

Mandela the revolutionary movement leader was blessed with a rich South African progressive tradition unmatched anywhere on the globe. Where else can we find so many spiritual giants and political exemplars of courage—from Desmond Tutu, Walter Sisulu, Beyers Naudé, Joe Slovo, Ruth First, Albertina Sisulu, Robert Sobukwe, Steve Biko, Billy Nair, Allen Boesak, Ronnie Kasrils, Rusty Bernstein, Oliver Tambo and so many others. Mandela the man was deeply shaped by the South African freedom movement. He began as a narrow black nationalist, shifted quickly to a United Front strategy, supported the armed struggle and called off the counter-violent stance only when the government renounced violence. Mandela was designated a dangerous enemy of the South African government—a terrorist, communist, traitor and hater—because he led a movement that saw South African laws as themselves criminal. He was imprisoned for over 27 years, permitted one visit and one letter every six months, forbidden to attend the funerals of his mother and oldest son, often relegated to solitary confinement, and sometimes permitted to read only his Bible because his courageous witness as part of the freedom movement constituted the major threat to the South African government. As international support for Mandela and the movement escalated (including many African leaders, the Soviet Union, and millions of people of all colors around the world) and international support for the South African regime was exposed (including America's Reagan and Britain's Thatcher), old-style apartheid began to crumble. The writing on the wall was clear as the Berlin Wall fell.

Mandela the statesman tried to hold together a fragile emerging multiracial democracy and heal a traumatized society against the backdrop of a possible civil war. This incredible balancing act highlighted the spiritual qualities and moral sentiments of Mandela the man—and made him the democratic saint of our time. Yet this gallant effort also downplayed Mandela the revolutionary movement leader who highlighted targeting wealth inequality, corporate power and sheer corruption and cronyism in high places. Mandela is the undisputed father of South African democracy because the freedom movement he led broke the back of old-style apartheid. Yet his neoliberal policies—much to the delight of corporate elites and new black middle-class beneficiaries—failed to address in a serious manner the massive unemployment, inadequate housing, poor medical facilities and decrepit education. The masses of precious poor people—disproportionately black—have been overlooked by the full-fledge integration of the South African economy into the global capitalist world.

I asked the great Nelson Mandela about this grave situation after I gave the Nelson Mandela lecture in Pretoria a few years ago. I lambasted the Santa-Clausification of Nelson Mandela that turned Mandela the man and the revolutionary leader into an unthreatening, huggable old man with a smile with bags full of toys—especially for cheering oligarchs like the Oppenheimers or newly rich elites like Cyril Ramaphosa. Even global neoliberal figures like Bill Clinton and Richard Stengel of Time Magazine become major caretakers of Mandela's legacy as his revolutionary comrades fade into the dustbin of history. As I approached him, he greeted me with a genuine smile of deep love and respect, expressed in the most elevating and encouraging language his appreciation of my righteous indignation in my speech and told me to be steadfast in my witness.

The most valuable lesson we can draw from the life and legacy of Nelson Mandela is to be neither afraid nor intimidated by the neoliberal powers that be. We must create our own deep democratic forms of soulcraft, social movements and statecraft—forms that resist the dominant forces of privatizing, financializing and militarizing that overlook poor and working people. Nelson Mandela met the most pressing challenges of his day with great dignity, decency and integrity. Let us confront the free-market fundamentalism, escalating militarism and insidious xenophobia in our day with his spirit of love, courage and humor.

-- Dr. Cornel West"

[via: "Showed kids 60 Minutes with Cornel West last night. ("I'm unimpressed by smartness.") http://www.cbsnews.com/news/60-minutes-cornel-west-on-race-in-the-u-s/ "
https://twitter.com/ablerism/status/711908596540379136

"+ See also West on Mandela: "a militant tenderness, subversive sweetness and radical gentleness." http://www.cornelwest.com/nelson_mandela.html "
https://twitter.com/ablerism/status/711908847695368192 ]
cornelwest  tenderness  sweetness  care  caring  gentleness  radicalism  radicalgentleness  subversivesweetness  militanttenderness  militancy  nelsonmandela  soulcraft  piety  manners  culture  justice  socialjustice  ancestors  appreciation  fairness  imperialism  trauma  terror  stigma  character  democracy  freedom  society  fear  neoliberalism  legacy  statecraft  privatization  finance  militarization  poverty  dignity  decency  integrity  courage  love  humor  canon  xenophobia  militarism  via:ablerism 
march 2016 by robertogreco
The Passable Designer – Breathtakingly honest coverage of the world's least self-absorbed industry
[via: https://eyeondesign.aiga.org/the-seriously-lighter-side-of-design-criticism-3-sites-that-actually-make-it-a-pleasure-to-read/

"Imagine The Onion on design. The Passable Designer is a satirical news site that offers “breathtakingly honest coverage of the world’s least self-absorbed industry”. London-based product designer Zander Brade began the site in October 2015 when he got tired of his daily life as a designer.

“I was far more interested in writing prose or singing songs with my guitar, which still remains the case because that’s really cool, but Passable became a healthy vessel for projecting my professional disdain—an incestuous, slithering marriage of my interests in design and literature, a love story for the ages,” he said in an e-mail interview.

From a report on how boring a group of designers’ conversation about Comic Sans is to another piece on an incredibly talented female designer being turned down for a job because of “some reason that’s not obvious at all,” Brade delivers some serious critique that hits home after you finish laughing at how ridiculously true the situation is.

Contrary to his fears that readers will be offended (he says he prefers to be punched in the face rather than sued), he says people actually like what he’s written. “I fear it could all be a grand (though rather depressing) prank, and I’ll leave my apartment one day to hundreds of designers in button-downs and overpriced jeans laughing at me for using the wrong grid system on the site,” he says."]
design  satire  criticism  designcriticism  humor  zanderbrade 
february 2016 by robertogreco
Recordings for Someone | This American Life
"All the stories in this week's show center on personal recordings that one person made for just one other person."



"Act One: Buddy Picture.

Producer Jonathan Goldstein with a story about friendship, mothers and sons, and what some have called the greatest phone message in the world—it circulated at Columbia University in New York City, and had something to do with the Little Mermaid. (19 minutes)"

[Rest of episode: http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/203/recordings-for-someone ]
audio  recordings  humor  answeringmachines  2002  via:austinkleon  phones  phonemessages  messages  littlemermaid 
december 2015 by robertogreco
bell hooks: Buddhism, the Beats and Loving Blackness - The New York Times
"G.Y.: Absolutely. You’ve talked about how theory can function as a place of healing. Can you say more about that?

b.h.: I always start with children. Most children are amazing critical thinkers before we silence them. I think that theory is essentially a way to make sense of the world; as a gifted child growing up in a dysfunctional family where giftedness was not appreciated, what held me above water was the idea of thinking through, “Why are Mom and Dad the way they are?” And those are questions that are at the heart of critical thinking. And that’s why I think critical thinking and theory can be such a source of healing. It moves us forward. And, of course, I don’t know about other thinkers and writers, but I have the good fortune every day of my life to have somebody contacting me, either on the streets or by mail, telling me about how my work has changed their life, how it has enabled them to go forward. And what greater gift to be had as a thinker-theorist, than that?"



"G.Y.: Is there a connection between teaching as a space of healing and your understanding of love?

b.h.: Well, I believe whole-heartedly that the only way out of domination is love, and the only way into really being able to connect with others, and to know how to be, is to be participating in every aspect of your life as a sacrament of love, and that includes teaching. I don’t do a lot of teaching these days. I am semi-retired. Because, like any act of love, it takes a lot of your energy."



"G.Y.: You’ve conceptualized love as the opposite of estrangement. Can you say something about that?

b.h.: When we engage love as action, you can’t act without connecting. I often think of that phrase, only connect. In terms of white supremacy right now for instance, the police stopped me a few weeks ago here in Berea, because I was doing something wrong. I initially felt fear, and I was thinking about the fact that in all of my 60-some years of my life in this country, I have never felt afraid of policemen before, but I feel afraid now. He was just total sweetness. And yet I thought, what a horrible change in our society that that level of estrangement has taken place that was not there before.

I know that the essential experience of black men and women has always been different, but from the time I was a girl to now, I never thought the police were my enemy. Yet, what black woman witnessing the incredible abuse of Sandra Bland can’t shake in her boots if she’s being stopped by the police? When I was watching that video, I was amazed the police didn’t shoot her on the spot! White supremacist white people are crazy.

I used to talk about patriarchy as a mental illness of disordered desire, but white supremacy is equally a serious and profound mental illness, and it leads people to do completely and utterly insane things. I think one of the things that is going on in our society is the normalization of mental illness, and the normalization of white supremacy, and the evocation and the spreading of this is part of that mental illness. So remember that we are a culture in crisis. Our crisis is as much a spiritual crisis as it is a political crisis, and that’s why Martin Luther King, Jr. was so profoundly prescient in describing how the work of love would be necessary to have a transformative impact.

G.Y.: And of course, that doesn’t mean that you don’t find an important place in your work for rage, as in your book “Killing Rage”?

b.h.: Oh, absolutely. The first time that I got to be with Thich Nhat Hanh, I had just been longing to meet him. I was like, I’m going to meet this incredibly holy man. On the day that I was going to him, every step of the way I felt that I was encountering some kind of racism or sexism. When I got to him, the first thing out of my mouth was, “I am so angry!” And he, of course, Mr. Calm himself, Mr. Peace, said, “Well, you know, hold on to your anger, and use it as compost for your garden.” And I thought, “Yes, yes, I can do that!” I tell that story to people all the time. I was telling him about the struggles I was having with my male partner at the time and he said, “It is O.K. to say I want to kill you, but then you need to step back from that, and remember what brought you to this person in the first place.” And I think that if we think of anger as compost, we think of it as energy that can be recycled in the direction of our good. It is an empowering force. If we don’t think about it that way, it becomes a debilitating and destructive force.

G.Y.: Since you mentioned Sandra Bland, and there are so many other cases that we can mention, how can we use the trauma that black people are experiencing, or reconfigure that trauma into compost? How can black people do that? What does that look like therapeutically, or collectively?

b.h.: We have to be willing to be truthful. And to be truthful, we have to say, the problem that black people face, the trauma of white supremacy in our lives, is not limited to police brutality. That’s just one aspect. I often say that the issue for young black males is the street. If you only have the streets, you encounter violence on all sides: black on black violence, the violence of addiction, and the violence of police brutality. So the question is why at this stage of our history, with so many wealthy black people, and so many gifted black people, how do we provide a place other than the streets for black males? And it is so gendered, because the street, in an imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy, is male, especially when it is dark. There is so much feeling of being lost that it is beyond the trauma of racism. It is the trauma of imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy, because poverty has become infinitely more violent than it ever was when I was a girl. You lived next door to very poor black people, but who had very joyful lives. That’s not the poverty of today.

G.Y.: How is the poverty of today different?

b.h.: Let’s face it, one of the things white people gave us when they gave us integration was full access to the tormenting reality of desire, and the expectation of constant consumption. So part of the difference of poverty today is this sort of world of fantasy — fantasizing that you’ll win the lottery, fantasizing that money will come. I always cling to Lorraine Hansberry’s mama saying in “A in Raisin in the Sun,” “Since when did money become life?” I think that with the poverty of my growing up that I lived with and among, we were always made to feel like money is not what life is all about. That’s the total difference for everyone living right now, because most people in our culture believe money is everything. That is the big tie, the connecting tie to black, white, Hispanic, native people, Asian people — the greed and the materialism that we all invest in and share.

G.Y.: When you make that claim, I can see some readers saying that bell is pathologizing black spaces.

b.h.: As I said, we have normalized mental illness in this society. So it’s not the pathologizing of black spaces; it’s saying that the majority of cultural spaces in our society are infused with pathology. That’s why it’s so hard to get out of it, because it has become the culture that is being fed to us every day. None of us can escape it unless we do so by conscious living and conscious loving, and that’s become harder for everybody. I don’t have a problem stating the fact that trauma creates wounds, and most of our wounds are not healed as African-Americans. We’re not really different in that way from all the others who are wounded. Let’s face it — wounded white people frequently can cover up their wounds, because they have greater access to material power.

I find it fascinating that every day you go to the supermarket, and you look at the people, and you look at us, and you look at all of this media that is parading the sorrows and the mental illnesses of the white rich in our society. And it’s like everybody just skips over that. Nobody would raise the question, “why don’t we pathologize the rich?” We actually believe that they suffer mental illness, and that they deserve healing. The issue for us as black people is that very few people feel that we deserve healing. Which is why we have very few systems that promote healing in our lives. The primary system that ever promoted healing in black people is the church, and we see what is going on in most churches today. They’ve become an extension of that material greed.

G.Y.: As you shared being stopped by police, I thought of your book “Black Looks: Race and Representation,” where you describe whiteness as a site of terror. Has that changed for you?

b.h.: I don’t think that has changed for most black people. That particular essay, “Representations of Whiteness in the Black Imagination,” talks about whiteness, the black imagination, and how many of us live in fear of whiteness. And I emphasize the story about the policeman because for many of us that fear of whiteness has intensified. I think that white people, for the most part, never think about black people wanting to be in black only spaces, because we do not feel safe.

In my last book, “Writing Beyond Race: Living Theory and Practice,” I really wanted to raise and problematize the question: Where do we feel safe as black people? I definitely return to the home as a place of spiritual possibility, home as a holy place.

I bought my current house from a conservative white male capitalist who lives across the street from me, and I’m so happy in my little home. I tell people, when I open the doors of my house it’s like these arms come out, and they’re just embracing me. I think that is part of our radical resistance to the culture of domination. I know that I’m not who he imagined in this little house. He imagined a nice white family with two kids, and I think on some level it was very hard for … [more]
bellhooks  2015  georgeyancy  buddhism  christianity  spirituality  religion  race  class  patriarchy  racism  classism  mentalillness  money  greed  mentalhealth  society  capitalism  consumerism  materialism  domination  power  gender  feminism  idenity  listening  love  humor  martinlutherkingjr  cornelwest  allies  influence  homes  intellectualism  theory  practice  criticalthinking  pedagogy  writing  children  unschooling  deschooling  teaching  howweteach  oedagogy  solitude  workinginpublic  publicintellectuals  narcissism  healing  malcolmx  blackness  whitesupremacy  abandonment  betrayal  anger  masculinity  markmcleodbethune  resistance  safety  whiteness  terror  wealth  imperialism  inequality  pathology  poverty  truth  truthfulness  sandrabland  thichnhathanh  activism  estrangement  everyday  humanism  humanization  humility  grace  change  changemaking  transformation  canon  empowerment  composting  desire  lotteries  lorrainehansberry  araisininthesun  culture  trauma  sorrow  leadership  psychology  self-determination  slow  small  beatpoets  jackkerouac  garysnyder  beatpoetry  ethics 
december 2015 by robertogreco
McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: List: 25 Words Your Kindergartner Must Know Before First Grade.
"1. your
2. parents
3. are
4. taking
5. this
6. way
7. too
8. seriously
9. their
10. aggressive
11. and
12. goal-focused
13. parenting
14. style
15. will
16. isolate
17. and
18. minimize
19. their
20. ability
21. to
22. parent
23. you
24. effectively
25. puppy"
children  humor  parenting  davidtate  via:vruba 
october 2015 by robertogreco
Ello | illllllllllllli
"national public radio

let's start with the notion "public",
no, it's a disturbing half-measure.

national, be serious it is a federation,
you have these wyoming pyramids broad-
casting new york city programs

and radio? it's mostly online
these days.

Zero for Three. Or Oh for Three
as they say in baseball."
npr  radio  public  2015  poetry  baseball  humor  via:javierarbona 
july 2015 by robertogreco
Fake Etymologies
"Interesting is better than true."
humor  words  etymology  fiction 
june 2015 by robertogreco
Teen Culture Is the Culture of Oppression and It Is the Best
"Hello. This is a Think Piece (™ ) on the phenomenology of teens.

Teen culture is the only culture that matters because it is the culture of meaningless oppression. Teens cannot go to bathroom without a hall pass. Their bodies and bladders are controlled by adults.

Teens live under the tyranny of early-ass first period classes, parents, homework, and not knowing if they will ever need geometry in the “real world.” The anger and bewilderment that comes from from this tyranny is the most pure of all human feelings.

Teens love to dry hump and choke themselves. Teens can get high off any household object.

Teens are the only true nihilists left.

Teens can use guns and have sex but their brains aren’t even fully formed. This is an amazing fact.

Teens only learned how to use their crotches like three weeks ago. That makes them dangerous and sexy.

Teens only think about fingerbanging. They re-claim public spaces, like rollercoasters, food courts, and parking lots, so they can fingerbang each other. Whenever a teen enters a new space they think: “Could I fingerbang someone here?”

Fingerbanging is the most intimate act of love between teens.

Teens don’t listen to podcasts or watch Breaking Bad because they are too busy planning their fingerbang flash mob.

Teen pregnancy pacts, teen ISIS, teen truthers are proof of teens radical nihilistic impulses.

The brands try to talk like the teens. The brands fail.

Teens only care about the immediate culture. They are not stuck in dead-time nostalgia. They have never heard of Missy Elliot. They do not care. That is OK. Teens plow their carts over the bones of the dead.

Teens who smoke are cool. There is simply no denying this fact.

Private schools teens are not cool because they are not oppressed. If you went to a school with couches, or free-time, or where you were allowed to call your teacher by their first name, you are not a real teen. You are not cool.

The only time private school teens are cool is when they are insanely rich and are militant about self-destruction.

Exception is made for teens who go to religious schools: you teens are fucked up because of Jesus and that is cool.

One time I was invited by a teen into her bedroom. She lived in Tennessee. The teen told me that her best friend wanted to be a stripper. I asked her if it was hard being popular at her school. She tossed her hair and said, “You can’t even.” This response was cryptic but rang with primitive truth that I can only understand in my sleep. Later, the Teen asked me if I would like to “meet up with some guys from Memphis and smoke weed by the creek.”

Teens do not know that nobody will ask them for their SAT score after they graduate but they SUSPECT.

Teen sex is the most pure because 1) it is filled with terror 2) teens aren’t kinky because they aren’t old enough to be neurotic 3) everyone already has HPV. Teen crotches are weaponized.

Teen headlines are the best headlines:

[images]

Teens live in existentialist turmoil because they can’t readily get abortions, rent cars, or be allowed to go to bathroom without raising their hands.

Teen life is an emotional kitsch porno-melodrama. The stakes are always high for a teen.

Teens create secret languages so they plan their fingerbang dates. That is cool.

I’m afraid of having children because I am afraid of the power my teen will have over me.

TEENS DON’T GIVE A MAD FUCK ABOUT JONATHAN FRANZEN!!!!!!!!!

Before you were a foodie, a Democrat, a sellout—you were a teen."
teens  teenculture  youth  adolescence  humor  natashavargas-cooper  2015  sexuality  behavior  oppression  headlines  privateschools  coolness 
june 2015 by robertogreco
Mother Still Searching For Preschool That Focuses Exclusively On Her Son - The Onion - America's Finest News Source
"BOULDER, CO—Expressing frustration over the dearth of options that met her high standards, local mother Shannon Gail confirmed Monday that she was still looking for a preschool that would focus exclusively on her son. “I’ve been searching for months, but it’s been so difficult to find a program that devotes all its resources to my child, and only my child,” said Gail, who added that a shocking number of preschools in the area employed teachers who divide their attention between more than one student instead of dedicating all their time to the education, care, and positive mental stimulation of her son. “I think it’s my responsibility as a parent to choose a school with an educational philosophy that is personalized to the specific needs and interests of my child alone. I just don’t feel comfortable leaving my Skyler in a place where he is not the center of attention at every moment of every day.” Gail, who reiterated the importance of choosing a preschool that concentrated solely on her child, said the next few years would be incredibly formative in determining the kind of person he would grow up to be."
humor  parenting  education  schools  2015  theonion 
june 2015 by robertogreco
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