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Twitter
Here’s a Nice Story: 7yo has a new kid in his class, and because new kid was in the catholic school system before,…
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9 hours ago
Twitter
Neighbors assaulted me and took my daughter (later returned her) because of suspected attempt to drink and drive (s…
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15 hours ago
Twitter
literally everyone who owned a console as a kid had one madcatz or other third party controller they forced their f…
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16 hours ago
Twitter
Watch the FIRST time I ever tried Coffee…… Do you agree with my review?? Lol
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20 hours ago
Twitter
I got upgraded so I’m riding that fine line of trying to look like I belong in 1st class while also being a man of…
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20 hours ago
Twitter
This Uber pool, in which I am 30 minutes late riding next to someone’s dirty laundry hamper while listening to a ra…
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yesterday
Twitter
I was at redneck bar in Alberta years ago and the jukebox had Enter the Wu-Tang in it. I dumped $26 dollars in that…
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yesterday
Twitter
Not to be all “women’s instincts are powerful” but I was creeped out by my neighbor before he got arrested for bein…
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yesterday
Twitter
We must take bold action on climate change & create a green economy that benefits all Americans. Thank you to…
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yesterday
Twitter
Dear Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen: Migrants do face many dangers. Dying in your agency's custody should not b…
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yesterday
Twitter
Chris Christie: "I've told the President that now is not the right time for me or my family to undertake this serio…
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yesterday
Twitter
Truer words were never spoken.
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2 days ago
Twitter
Republicans literally accused Michelle Obama of secretly being a man
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2 days ago
Twitter
tweet your drafts december 2018 edition
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2 days ago
Twitter
Me trying to smile for a photo
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2 days ago
Twitter
Everyone’s so hot for ABI stability in Swift, but when will Apple imaginate a MacBook that can disconnect from an e…
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3 days ago
Twitter
Speaking of the Monopoly Man, did you know Monopoly was invented by a leftist woman Lizzie Magie who was erased fro…
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4 days ago
Twitter
I wanted to make a pamphlet called "Marxism: The Good Parts" with an O'Reilly style illustration of rats cooperatin…
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4 days ago
Twitter
Since moving out I've been able to do what I really crave, cleaning the kitchen at 3 AM, working out after midnight…
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4 days ago
Untitled (http://c1.staticflickr.com/4/3581/3818553277_0b61768580.jpg)
Also, why would ObjC need a logo when it has a frickin’ gang sign?
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4 days ago
Twitter
No seriously though. "The FBI agent didn't tell me, a White House official, that lying to him was illegal, and didn…
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4 days ago
Twitter
Seriously over the men telling me how to properly respond to being interrupted.
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4 days ago
Twitter
[phone screening an Android developer earlier today]

Candidate: Does Square build their tooling in-house, or do yo…
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4 days ago
Twitter
Today I pressed the head of CBP on whether his agency considered the economic impact of closing the San Ysidro Port…
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4 days ago
Twitter
COWORKER: we need to find the root cause asap
ME: *takes long drag* the root cause is that our processes are not ro…
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4 days ago
Twitter
my parents anytime i visit during the holidays:
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4 days ago
Twitter
SCHUMER: "When the president brags that he won North Dakota and Indiana, he's in real trouble."

TRUMP: "We did win…
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4 days ago
Twitter
THE PRESIDENT has just robbed Republicans of the ability to say Democrats are shutting down government.

This is g…
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4 days ago
Twitter
Ok one of the downsides to an electric pressure cooker is it’s so airtight that you forget about the chicken bones…
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5 days ago
Twitter
Does he realize he just said that out loud...while wear a microphone?
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5 days ago
Twitter
must be incredibly frustrating to work at the CDC and constantly tell a bunch of people who tweet “I yearn for deat…
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5 days ago
Twitter
“What am I, a farmer?”
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5 days ago
Twitter
"OLDER MODEL CAR PARKED ON LOCAL STREET"
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5 days ago
Twitter
Back home from two weeks on the road, and I finally get to hold my new book
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5 days ago
The Second Edition of "Refactoring"
Back home from two weeks on the road, and I finally get to hold my new book
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5 days ago
Twitter
Is this a fetish thing? I think I like it more than I should
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6 days ago
Twitter
I know the jury is out, so to speak, on whether a sitting President can be indicted. But, call me crazy, maybe peop…
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6 days ago
Twitter
If a PRD can’t be written in a clear and logically consistent way, then the problem isn’t understood well enough. I…
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6 days ago
Twitter
A sorta-famous person I follow on Instagram just posted a screenshot of a text massage that revealed he had 212 unr…
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6 days ago
Twitter
The elusive frost flower. Air temperature and ground temperature has to be exactly right for these to appear.
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6 days ago
Twitter
Thank you. Was reading the IPCC report today & cringing over the laser focus on trees.

Would also…
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6 days ago
Twitter
Nice try but you’re wrong about campaign finance law. A scheme to make sure the public doesn’t learn the truth befo…
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6 days ago
Twitter
Are you thinking what I’m thinking
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6 days ago
Twitter
“What if Abraham Lincoln fell into a vat of CBD?”
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6 days ago
Twitter
I'm not convinced that humans aren't in fact supposed to hibernate through the winter. Because I just want to be i…
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7 days ago
Twitter
Granted, the Buddhism thing is part of the Silicon Valley silliness.

On the other hand, how many billionaires do y…
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7 days ago
Twitter
For my birthday this year, I did a 10-day silent vipassana meditation, this time in Pyin Oo Lwin, Myanmar 🇲🇲. We we…
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7 days ago
Twitter
When your friend takes too long explaining the board game they brought to the party
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8 days ago
Twitter
Why the hell do you also have teeth
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8 days ago
Twitter
Wow! A Republican journalist calling me the B-word as he deliberately misinterprets my statement.

Awesome job. How…
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8 days ago
Twitter
Two straight nights of sushi for an MF Sushi vs Uchi grudge match. MF wins, but I'm not mad at either of them 😅🧡🍣
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8 days ago
Twitter
Thanks for the awesome Escape from Tarkov care package. Your game has quickly become one of my…
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8 days ago
Twitter
trying to imagine writing this rental review
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8 days ago
Twitter
Can’t say I didn’t warn the GOP ahead of time.

🙅🏽‍♀️ BX all day 🙅🏽‍♀️
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8 days ago
Twitter
I have noticed that Junior here has a habit of posting nonsense about me whenever the Mueller investigation heats u…
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8 days ago
Twitter
This Tillerson interview, which eviscerates POTUS as undisciplined, impulsive, and believing he can violate the law…
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8 days ago
Twitter
Pal someone appears to have jizzed in your g&t
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8 days ago
Twitter
Pokémon employee A: let’s make one that’s a cute electric mouse!
Pokémon employee B: how about a a cute bird!
Pokém…
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9 days ago
Twitter
This message from the President of the United States was followed by a bomb threat to the New York offices of CNN.…
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9 days ago
Twitter
I gave my high school bass guitar and gear away on Facebook to a family who’s son was asking for money for Christma…
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9 days ago
Twitter
You suffered the biggest Dem blowout since Watergate (an interesting parallel). Sorry snowflake, We don’t give out…
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9 days ago
Twitter
When you solo queue into ranked and get a group of freaks on your team, and the other team gets upset at you for so…
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9 days ago
Twitter
im sure this is a great story but i cant stop thinking about bill gates typing out "The Condom King"
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9 days ago
Twitter
I opened 104 alpha packs. Got zero legendary items, not even a duplicate. I also got 102 duplicates, 1 cheap skin,…
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10 days ago
Twitter
hell of a headline for a coup
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10 days ago
Twitter
lmao just heard a guy on a date call handburgers "hamburgers"... Ladies really out here giving shots to dudes who t…
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10 days ago
Twitter
why didn’t anyone tell me there was a british version of Weird Al
from twitter_favs
10 days ago
Twitter
One of the greatest joys of my adult life is that I don’t have to spend time in rooms full of people who all believ…
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10 days ago
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