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Twitter
NEW: Cuomo now a strawberry blonde, "oh no reason" said the governor when asked what prompted the change
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22 hours ago
Twitter
If you’re ever feeling old, remember age is just a number, which measures if you are falling behind on personal and…
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22 hours ago
Twitter
Wow I do not like the direction of the new Kanye
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22 hours ago
Twitter
Okay okay so sh-should should should sh-should sh-sh should should shoulda shoulda sh-sh sshhould should sh-sh-sh s…
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yesterday
Twitter
I’ve had multiple websites that:

1. Cheerfully accept a longer password than is allowed during signup without comp…
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yesterday
Twitter
Is there anything more annoying than a delivery driver saying they attempted to deliver a parcel but you were not i…
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yesterday
Twitter
I wonder what would happen if SF officials responded to needles and human excrement as quickly as they respond to s…
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yesterday
Twitter
there’s a ban on lettuce in the u.s. and i say GOOD. arugula has done the heavy lifting in salads for ages while le…
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yesterday
Twitter
keanu reeves reading a book while walking down the street
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2 days ago
Twitter
ignore my dirty windows. pay attention to the little Sun Lump
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2 days ago
Twitter
Wishing my beautiful daughter and her date *a violent reminder that I consider her my property
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2 days ago
Twitter
tfw you have dinner at an utterly magical under-the-radar restaurant and you want to tell everyone about it but you…
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2 days ago
Twitter
They’re Native American...so I hope you’re talking about the people depicted on the Mountain, because then this twe…
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2 days ago
Twitter
please stop reporting me for saying I want to die when John wears sandals
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3 days ago
Twitter
Maintaining a professional relationship with Donald Trump is a kink
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3 days ago
Twitter
People (including Apple itself) often excuse this by saying "Apple's SSD/HDD selection is very stringent". OK. Have…
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3 days ago
Twitter
One of the best things about the GDPR is now every time a stakeholder at works asks me to do something I don't real…
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4 days ago
Twitter
Received a response from a California agency to a public records request . Two options, they say. Option 1: send u…
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4 days ago
Twitter
If the Lion nerf hits before LAN this could be the last day of suffering for all. Even if his pick rate drops 10-15…
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4 days ago
Twitter
I'm a bitch. I'm a lover. I'm a child. I'm a mother. I'm a sinner. I'm a saint. I do not feel ashamed. I'm your hel…
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4 days ago
Twitter
hey if anyone wants to get me fired for the jokes I’m gonna make when Henry Kissinger dies let me help u out: I wor…
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4 days ago
Twitter
Bob Moore of Bob's Red Mill in 2005 looks like the hottest indie hip hop act of 2018
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4 days ago
Twitter
Enrique Morones, founder of Border Angels, goes on , calls her out on the air for losing half her spo…
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5 days ago
Twitter
Everything is different now.
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5 days ago
Twitter
Spotify:
Here’s a list of the newest and most interesting music being created around the world.

Me:
Cool, cool. Pl…
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5 days ago
Twitter
i genuinely can't think of anything funnier than donald trump ending the korean war and getting a nobel peace prize…
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5 days ago
Twitter
This my favorite LeBron story. During the Finals in 2014, the locker room was filled to the brim with everyone hudd…
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5 days ago
Twitter
“First, you get Ben Gibbard into a room and you say, ‘Benjamin, I need to talk to you about your songs. The past fe…
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5 days ago
Twitter
Looking at a big game of chicken. The most corrupt POTUS in US history faces a prosecutor of impeccable integrity w…
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5 days ago
Twitter
Clicks link so hard it voids my computer warranty
from twitter_favs
5 days ago
Twitter
me a year ago: I wish I could think of some LLVM/Clang improvements, so I could try contributing
me now:
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5 days ago
Twitter
Even the System fed up with the System....wild
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5 days ago
Twitter
do u ever feel awkward at a party so u just pretend like u texting but really u doing some extensive equity researc…
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5 days ago
Twitter
Was gonna go shop in a store but realized I’m wearing a shirt from there already so I didn’t go in because they mig…
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5 days ago
Twitter
Yo, Apple. I am using a FIVE THOUSAND DOLLAR COMPUTER. Maybe have your Pro Workflow Team take a look at Logic.
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5 days ago
Twitter
Cynthia Nixon has been campaigning for like five minutes and has taken Andrew Cuomo from demanding disabled people…
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5 days ago
Twitter
someone asked me for a nude so i sent them a really zoomed in picture of gordon ramsay’s forehead wrinkles and said…
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5 days ago
Twitter
I love when Bernie tries to make relevant tie ins with his campaign but forgets he’s quoting a former sex worker wh…
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5 days ago
Twitter
Facebook is fucking wild.
from twitter_favs
6 days ago
Twitter
It's weird that little kids like playing with baby dolls. They were babies themselves a couple years ago. Like imag…
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6 days ago
Twitter
The guy pays for it, walks out to the curb in front of the store, sits down and eats the entire th…
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6 days ago
Twitter
this Forbes headline is literally a dril tweet come to life
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6 days ago
Twitter
I may or may not be crying
from twitter_favs
6 days ago
Twitter
Been running some CS GO DM servers to warm these old hands up. The ratio of hours needed in T-Hunt compared to CS G…
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6 days ago
Twitter
Fortnite is putting the guided missile in "the vault" until they decide how to balance it properly. Dear God could…
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6 days ago
Twitter
i cant stop thinking about that shoebill that just picked up a duck and threw it because it was in the way. power m…
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6 days ago
Twitter
You may have seen the video of Washington Capitals’ Brett Connolly trying to give a little girl a puck, only to be…
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7 days ago
Twitter
quite a few white ppl are convinced purchasing a muffin will solve racism

“oh i never sit anywhere w/o buying some…
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7 days ago
Twitter
I literally can’t deal with my aunties anymore. This is entrapment.
from twitter_favs
7 days ago
Twitter
This is the best street art in existence
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7 days ago
Twitter
one time in college i drunkenly answered a call from the sbarro delivery guy "are you pizza?" and he responded "i a…
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8 days ago
Twitter
just need to have this video of John Cena posted so I can re-watch it whenever
from twitter_favs
8 days ago
Twitter
[sets up a brand new MacBook Pro]

[literally within 20 minutes, almost half the icons are blank]

Cool cool
from twitter_favs
8 days ago
Twitter
It's been just over 2 months. We have walked out of school and now, on 4/20, we walk out everywhere. No matter wher…
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9 days ago
Twitter
keanu reeves training for john wick
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9 days ago
Twitter
Gimme an A!
Gimme an L!
Gimme an L!
Gimme an E!
Gimme an R!
Gimme a G!
Gimme an I!
Gimme an E!
Gimme an S!

What'…
from twitter_favs
10 days ago
Twitter
Ladies, watch out for the telltale signs that your man is cheating on you. For example: Has he recently accepted a…
from twitter_favs
10 days ago
Twitter
Every company should have these signs.
from twitter_favs
10 days ago
Twitter
“Syria is gassing their own civilians.”

Flint still doesn’t have clean water.

60K+ people without housing in LA.…
from twitter_favs
10 days ago
Twitter
me going to deposit $5 i found on the floor into my bank account
from twitter_favs
10 days ago
Twitter
whatever tf matthew mcconaughey is filming is gonna slap
from twitter_favs
10 days ago
Twitter
Look at this absolute unit
from twitter_favs
10 days ago
Twitter
PRO TIP: The cornerstone of planning a visit to NYC is first figuring out how many meals you'll eat during your sta…
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10 days ago
Twitter
I am employee number 11.

I have been working on Stack Overflow since 2010.

There is no question th…
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10 days ago
Twitter
the water is admitting we live in a racist oligarchy
from twitter_favs
10 days ago
Twitter
I can’t stop laughing at this
from twitter_favs
11 days ago
Twitter
well its on there now if u wanna ruin it for everyone, neil
from twitter_favs
11 days ago
Twitter
Cashier: it’s going to be a few minutes for fries
Me:
from twitter_favs
11 days ago
Twitter
keanu reeves using a flip phone
from twitter_favs
11 days ago
Twitter
the extent of my pettiness is such that i refused to listen to the t*ylor sw*ft september cover on spotify because…
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11 days ago
Twitter
Previous birthday presents to myself: new shiny gadget! A new car!

This year: an entire café macs pizza for dinner…
from twitter_favs
11 days ago
Twitter
when you repeat the same joke at the dinner table to make sure everyone has heard it
from twitter_favs
11 days ago
Twitter
Holy shit this is SPOT ON
from twitter_favs
11 days ago
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