meitachi + topic:relationships   19

Young People Are Having Less Sex - The Atlantic
Despite the easing of taboos and the rise of hookup apps, Americans are in the midst of a sex recession.

(A very interesting longform article on a phenomenon and the myriad factors that might contribute to it, but I'm not sure I agree with the conclusion that it's a problem? Frankly, the way we socialize men and their views on sex and women seem like a bigger problem.)
via:popular  topic:sex  topic:relationships 
4 weeks ago by meitachi
He was one of millions of Chinese seniors growing old alone. So he put himself up for adoption. - The Washington Post
Having endured so much, his generation expected to grow old like those before them: living in a family compound, cared for by sons and grandsons. For Han and millions of others, that has not happened. That made him mad.

The problem, Han told anyone who would listen, was that young people have abandoned the old model, but the government had yet to find a new system for senior care.

Jiang Quanbao, a professor of demography at the Institute for Population and Development Studies at Xi’an Jiaotong University, said that the challenge is that China is both an aging society and a developing country. China “got old before it got rich,” he said.
article  topic:relationships  topic:china 
may 2018 by meitachi
RACIAL (DIS)HARMONY - THE OVERESTIMATED POST-RACIAL POWER OF MEGHAN MARKLE
The thread of simultaneous exoticness and mundaneness that permeates the discussion of Markle, as well as the suggestion that her marriage to Prince Harry will be Britain’s “Obama moment,” implies that multiracial people can foster racial harmony by merging supposedly disparate racial backgrounds. In my own research, I have referred to this framing around mixed-race women as the construction of an utopic subject: a figure that embodies an idealized racial future where race is no longer relevant, presumably achieved through interracial sex, marriage, and procreation.
article  topic:racism  topic:relationships 
december 2017 by meitachi
Lessons I Learned In My Thirties That You Can Learn In Your Twenties
This could accelerate your maturity by 10 years!

(This was cute and thoughtful and I feel like I've learned similar lessons.)
blogpost  topic:relationships 
august 2017 by meitachi
Over nearly 80 years, Harvard study has been showing how to live a healthy and happy life | Harvard Gazette
“The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health,” said Robert Waldinger, director of the study, a psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital and a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. “Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too. That, I think, is the revelation.”
topic:health&medicine  article  topic:relationships 
july 2017 by meitachi
on respect
Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority”

and sometimes people who are us...
topic:relationships  from notes
december 2016 by meitachi
WHY ARE YOU LONELY: A TEXT GAME - The Toast
CONVINCED THAT HONESTLY ADMITTING YOUR PROBLEMS WILL DRIVE PEOPLE AWAY BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES COMPLAINING SO INSTEAD YOU OFFER EVERYONE A PISS-POOR SIMULACRUM OF BEING EASY-GOING
topic:self.improvement  topic:relationships 
march 2016 by meitachi
Me [20/F] with my date/romantic interest [25 M] of ONE week, he did something the first date that is ruining the entire thing for me. : relationships
I'll tell you something very important that most people, especially younger people, don't understand, and it's partly a problem of language and partly a problem of culture. When a person says they "like" you, what do they mean by that? How do you understand what that term means? Every relationship exists on a spectrum between validation seeking and affection giving. The more insecure you are as a person the more on the spectrum you are towards validation seeking, and the more secure you are the more towards affection giving you are. When we are seeking validation it means that we exist in a state of low self-esteem; we are seeking a sense of self-value through external things. Often, when we say we like someone we're saying that we seek them to validate us because we've placed so much value on them (or rather, devalued ourselves in relation to them). So someone who is really good looking, famous, rich, etc. we devalue ourselves in relation to (which is how its so easy to fall into cults or become groupies, etc.) It's all validation seeking. It's rooted in our childhood need to seek and acquire validation from our parents. When we don't receive enough of that as a child, we don't have a strong sense of self-value, we don't have an abundance of positive emotions towards ourselves, so we seek it out from others as adults. When we don't get it, we tend to feel anxiety (emotional abandonment). Some people find constructive ways to deal with the anxiety, which takes a lot of discipline and self-growth. Other people externalize their anxiety onto others as resentment, then to anger, frustration, and hostility. His ignoring of your boundaries is a way to avoid the anxiety of not receiving validation from you. But it's being stored, and eventually can lead to resentment, and then perhaps to aggression. It depends how he deals with it.
When we are mature, have high self-esteem and a strong sense of self-value, then we have an ecosystem of positive emotions. This gives us confidence and other expression of 'positive energy'. That positive energy is something that you naturally project outwards onto other people. When two people come together and project that positive energy then you can form actual relationships. Relationships that are characterized by validation seeking are, in my opinion, not real relationships, but rather various manifestations of codependency, and sometimes parasitic. In those relationships there is no growth, people tend to stagnate, and then become frustrated with the relationship.
topic:relationships  reddit 
december 2015 by meitachi
How being hit on at the bar revealed to me what an amazing marriage I have : TwoXChromosomes
Marriage isn’t a “now” thing. It’s a continuum.
I’ve turned down nice guys, creepers, and your average drunk who is throwing out lines in every direction hoping for a nibble. My rejection of the man has nothing, NOTHING, to do with who they are.
It has everything to do with who my husband is, and what our marriage is.
He is my best friend. And our marriage is, day by day, forever.
reddit  topic:relationships 
april 2015 by meitachi
We Are Not Here to Fix Each Other. | elephant journal
People aren’t problems to solve. It’s not my job to fix anyone, but to love them. The heart can stretch to hold all things—even the difficult things. When it breaks, the point is not to reach out to each other and patch it closed again, but instead to fill each other. We don’t need to pretend each other’s darkness doesn’t exist or push it away.
topic:relationships  blogpost 
april 2015 by meitachi
All the Single Ladies - The Atlantic
Recent years have seen an explosion of male joblessness and a steep decline in men’s life prospects that have disrupted the “romantic market” in ways that narrow a marriage-minded woman’s options: increasingly, her choice is between deadbeats (whose numbers are rising) and playboys (whose power is growing). But this strange state of affairs also presents an opportunity: as the economy evolves, it’s time to embrace new ideas about romance and family—and to acknowledge the end of “traditional” marriage as society’s highest ideal.
article  topic:relationships 
february 2015 by meitachi
Quiz: The 36 Questions That Lead to Love - NYTimes.com
It forces intimacy in a shorter period of time, but both participants must approach the questions with equal intent to be honest and vulnerable, open-minded enough to try.
article  topic:communicating  topic:relationships 
january 2015 by meitachi
What is one piece of advise you would give to people moving in for the first time with a significant other? [Serious] : AskReddit
*advice

In sum: three bank accounts, talk about groceries, talk about chores, it's not you vs him, it's us vs the problem, don't go to bed angry, make sure you schedule dates, make sure you have alone time, open and honest communication ad infinitum.
reddit  topic:communicating  topic:relationships 
september 2014 by meitachi
If You Want to Be Married Young, You Should Marry While Young - Ta-Nehisi Coates - The Atlantic
The notion that the declaration of marriage can make a human, with all their hard flaws, into something as abstract and moist as a "soul-mate" strikes me as off.

(Surprisingly great comments. Also this, I can see it ringing true: "Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened.")
article  topic:marriage  topic:relationships 
april 2013 by meitachi
Women are Often Remarkably Reluctant to Ask for Help Around the House - Alexis Coe - The Atlantic
A new study shows that high-earning women are more likely to let their houses be messy than to hire a housekeeper or get their husbands and kids to pitch in.

(Navigating relationships - and marriage - right now just seems like a monumentally exhausting effort. I have to remind myself these are studies of the macro trend and not necessarily indicative of individual relationships.)
article  topic:relationships  topic:sexism 
february 2013 by meitachi
Men and Women Can't Be "Just Friends": Scientific American
Researchers asked women and men "friends" what they really think—and got very different answers

(SHOCKER.)
article  topic:friendship  topic:relationships  topic:gender 
november 2012 by meitachi

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