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Took two regenerations for me to learn this lesson & stop looking for the One, & a while after that for me to find…
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2 days ago
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Taking my best mate shopping at Bunnings.
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3 days ago
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Just. Build. Offices. With. Rooms.
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4 days ago
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birb with wee fuzzy catepillar, though not quite a woolly worm, & not the one we know & love.
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6 days ago
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If you're with someone who defends their lack of kind words & gestures instead of trying to do better, get you the…
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8 days ago
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When you're used to emotionally lazy partners, it's exhilirating when you then suddenly find an emotionally hardwor…
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8 days ago
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(because the cat & girlfriend are both she's, you see, so I couldn't just say "met her" or "she was your girlfriend…
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9 days ago
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I feel like we've established I'd nailed your pretty well within a few months. 😉 But yeah, evidence…
brand  from twitter_favs
11 days ago
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BIG NEWS: The Washington Supreme Court outlawed the death penalty this morning. Washington is the 20th state to abo…
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11 days ago
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TIL that the opening lyrics to Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love" are "You need coolin' / Baby I'm not foolin'," not…
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12 days ago
Twitter
TFW you realize you fell in love with your girlfriend's cat 2 1/2 years before you met the cat or the woman was you…
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12 days ago
Twitter
Next season of The Bachelor looks good.
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12 days ago
Twitter
Scared by that new report on climate change? Here's what you can do to help:

• Seize the state

• Bring the fossil…
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13 days ago
Twitter
Dear , , , , , — This. This is all you have to cover from now on. Yo…
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14 days ago
Twitter
I decided to just teach my son to respect women.

Fewer things to buy.
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14 days ago
(429) https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1049352326132027392
Register to vote or check your status right now. Literally just do it literally right now. It’ll take no time. Ever…
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14 days ago
Twitter
Needs trim and all my junk cleaned up, but the basics of my built ins are done!!!!
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15 days ago
Twitter
Yeah, it's meant to be. A wonderfully silly concept, and maybe you…
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17 days ago
Twitter
Considering how many times I've seen the episode "A River Runs Through Bob," I can't believe I never n…
BobsBurgers  from twitter
17 days ago
Twitter
No, it's the constitution.
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18 days ago
Twitter
The Tribune regrets the error.
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18 days ago
Twitter
The reason sex with a vampire doesn't usually result in pregnancy isn't because their sperm is dead, it's because t…
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18 days ago
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Worth noting that the Post, the Times, and the New Yorker all independently reported this same characterization of…
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18 days ago
Twitter
WHAT WAS THE TAX CODE WEARING WHEN IT WAS VIOLATED
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19 days ago
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“It’s like a rave in a garbage dump, if there were also, you know, stick zombie things.” Must be night!…
dnd  from twitter_favs
19 days ago
Twitter
I know you're referring back to Elder Millennial. But I still feel the need to note as a matter of pu…
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19 days ago
Twitter
Happy Anniversary, . For 26 years, you’ve been an extraordinary partner, someone who can always make…
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19 days ago
Twitter
What you're missing on FB 😝
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21 days ago
Twitter
In a single sentence email tonight, the dean’s office at Harvard Law School tells students: “Today, Judge Kavanaugh…
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21 days ago
Twitter
Me: You washed the blender?

17yr old: Yeah I made a smoothie.

Me: Oh with the berries in the fridge?

17yr old: N…
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22 days ago
Twitter
When men explain things to me I’ve started replying, “Yes, I know.” Often it makes them absolutely livid. I realize…
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22 days ago
Twitter
Me: I love you. Do you love me?

5-year-old son: No, I love mommy

Me: But you can love 2 people

5: Really?

Me: Y…
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22 days ago
Twitter
RT : A last thought: If Jim and I had created B & E as gay characters they would be inauthentic coming from two straight…
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22 days ago
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RT : I want to tell a story: Once in high school, I felt insecure, I put on a tight top too low cut and dark lipstick I…
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22 days ago
Twitter
RT : This is awesome data journalism.

“Only Ford made an effort to answer every single question."…
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22 days ago
Twitter
RT : periodic reminder that austin powers understood consent better than a supreme court nominee
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22 days ago
Twitter
I am officially Linda Belcher. I just finished a sleeve of crackers in bed.
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22 days ago
Twitter
This is a quote from 1992, just to underline how long this has been our position.
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22 days ago
Twitter
The caught by fact-checkers attributing knife attacks to refugees, despite many of them having nothing to do w…
AfD  from twitter_favs
22 days ago
Twitter
This is so cool! And might I say, , you play a good you!
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23 days ago
Twitter
So me and Matt Damon... y’all fill in the rest!! Such a nice dude!!
yoimetmattdamonyall  from twitter_favs
23 days ago
Twitter
RGB, Leslie Jones as Serena, and Pete Davidson’s best segment ever... I guarantee there are some new writers this y…
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23 days ago
Twitter
For over 50 years we’ve made it clear we aren’t trying to get members. That we are not for everyone. That we are th…
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23 days ago
Twitter
And another one. (Dear whoever wrote this line: You won the entire week.)

“If you took a shot for every time Brett…
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23 days ago
Twitter
That’s baffled me too. But we’re all suffering severe bullshit overload right now.
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23 days ago
Twitter
Great line from on Weekend Update:

“You’re not really helping yourself in a drunken assault case when y…
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23 days ago
Twitter
Keanu Reeves and Adam Driver as estranged father and son. They do not have to be chefs, but must include one scene…
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23 days ago
Twitter
Look at this good boy from eastern Kentucky y'all
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23 days ago
Twitter
Kavanaugh dug up his calendar from 1982 and insisted it proved he only drank beer on the weekends & there is litera…
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23 days ago
Twitter
my porg stole my ears but looks so good with them so how can I be mad
BobsBurgers  porglife  porg  from twitter_favs
23 days ago
Twitter
My friend has a Rudy pin on her nebulizer case. Wanted to share bc one of the best things about Bob'…
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23 days ago
Twitter
When people talk about traveling to the past, they worry about radically changing the present by doing something sm…
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23 days ago
Twitter
They say you never forget your first time seeing a meme you've gotten unlimited mileage out of.
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23 days ago
Twitter
innovative new approach to confirmation process: get nominee on the Court as soon as possible to keep him out of pr…
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23 days ago
Twitter
Pelosi asked if Dems should run on impeachment, says of course not. “They would like to think we’re out there talki…
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23 days ago
Twitter
I get soo self-conscious walking behind a lone woman. The idea that I might be scaring h…
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23 days ago
Twitter
guys out there very much aware of what women go though every day and will not try to take the defen…
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23 days ago
Twitter
behind any woman walking alone he always makes sure lets her know someone is behind her that isn’t…
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23 days ago
Twitter
Just recently I was being uncomfortably followed by a man I didn’t know on a bike while I was just…
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23 days ago
Twitter
I’ve always appreciated how he worked through the language barrier to make sure we felt safe.

He…
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24 days ago
Twitter
He seemed really concerned that we weren’t safe out on the road. To convince us it was safe to get…
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24 days ago
Twitter
Got lost in Switzerland when I was 18. A friend and I misjudged the distance between 2 towns and we…
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24 days ago
Twitter
I want to @ me of late 2017/early 2018 & be all DUDE DUDE DUDE GET READY THIS IS TOTALLY A THING THAT'S GO…
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24 days ago
Twitter
She's had some issues in the past, and I know she's not all there all the time, but she's not an idiot. I can't for…
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24 days ago
Twitter
One of my wife's greatest fears is that family members are thinking that of her. We tried for months to avoid this…
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24 days ago
Twitter
<personal>

I'm on fire right now. My sister decides to tell me, as I'm in the hospital with by baby recovering fro…
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24 days ago
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