infovore + hardcasual   8

Tutorial Condescending | Hardcasual
"The alien tripods are decimating the city with ion cannons. Wild one-eyed dog-pigs with irritatingly high voices are roaming the streets, mutilating the populace with their fire breath, doing their best to keep their pet radioactive zombies in check. Meanwhile, you – the only one who can do anything to stop this genocide – are in stuck in a medical pod, being instructed by some asshole lab assistant on how to move your head up and down." Hardcasual don't like tutorials.
games  tutorials  instructions  hardcasual 
november 2009 by infovore
“You’re a Great Boyfriend, Tommy, But I Think I’m Safer With Coach, Ellis and Nick,” A ‘Dear John’ By Rochelle | Hardcasual
"Tommy, I appreciate you. You do so much for me. You make an excellent vegetable chili. And that time I was on a trip for work and you caught that mouse all on your own, you were really brave. On the flip side, Nick, Coach and your brother Ellis, they offer the security of a well-oiled killing machine. We cover each other. We share health packs. And we don’t cook vegetable chili."
l4d2  hardcasual  games  humour 
november 2009 by infovore
E3 EXCLUSIVE: Microsoft’s Natal To Deliver 1:1 Teabagging on Xbox Live | Hardcasual
"When we assembled a focus group of Xbox Live players, they immediately asked for one feature we hadn’t even considered - in-depth tracking of the groin area, for post-kill celebrations. We were proud to help them find a new revolutionary way to teabag - and believe me, these ain’t no waggle controls." Hardcasual goes for the soft targets, as usual. Ahehe.
teabagging  microsoft  humour  natal  games  hardcasual 
june 2009 by infovore
Dante’s Inferno Delayed for Tedious, Rigid Adaptation « Hardcasual
"Best of all, for impatient gamers the developer plans to conceal load screens with a mini-game where players can connect a USB keyboard and write an undergraduate thesis on the illustrations of Gustave Dore." Seriously, this already sounds much better than the Redwood Shores version...
ea  games  dantesinferno  hardcasual  humour 
april 2009 by infovore
Study: 80% of Players Remember Selves “Way Better” at Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 « Hardcasual
"When their fond memories of these games are challenged, they become nearly catatonic. Really, most of these players were just mashing ‘fierce punch’ as hard as they could and occasionally pulling off a quarter-circle turn. Once they’re faced with online competition… Well, they may be in for a terrible shock.”
hardcasual  mvc2  beatemup  games  fighting  nostalgia  humour 
april 2009 by infovore
Couple Always Having Sex By the Light of a Pause Menu « Hardcasual
“We went through a bit of a rough patch a couple years ago, and I honestly believe that it has something to do with the fact that Metal Gear Solid has no music when you pause it.” Oh dear.
games  hardcasual  funny 
march 2009 by infovore
Solid Snake Must Be Somewhere in This Warehouse « Hardcasual
"Solid Snake, the special operations agent who frequently amuses himself by hiding in cardboard boxes, has been taped up and shipped to a warehouse in Oslo, Norway. Details are scarce at this point, but it appears Mr. Snake, famous for single-handedly dismantling Outer Heaven and destroying countless Metal Gears, made an error while shipping classified documents overseas and was picked up by a Fedex truck. The rescue operation has proved fruitless as of the time of this writing."
humour  hardcasual  packaging  infrastructure  metalgearsolid 
february 2009 by infovore
BREAKING: Eddie Murphy Killed in Filming of Left 4 Dead Film « Hardcasual
"Murphy was also rumored to have been attempting to supply his castmates with pain pills. When asked about the rumors, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, playing “The Tank” in the film, said, “Eddie was just achievement-boosting. Anything else is a rumor, plain and simple.”" Hardcasual, again, I love you.
games  humour  left4dead  hardcasual  eddiemurphy 
january 2009 by infovore

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