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Twitter
Jeff, honey—stop. Just stop. You are embarrassing yourself.

from twitter
4 days ago
Twitter
RT : Me: I AM HERE FOR IT!

Anthony: You are literally sitting here for for this.

Me: I AM ACTUALLY SITTING HERE FOR I…
from twitter
4 days ago
Twitter
He’s pretty in touch with himself, though.
from twitter
4 days ago
Twitter
RT : see you in hell you stupid fruit
from twitter
5 days ago
Twitter
RT : if you then you don't
don't love deserve
me at my…
from twitter
5 days ago
Twitter
Poor PHS didn’t sound quite as good as they are—intonation issues are unavoidable when the parade is halted for 20…
from twitter
6 days ago
Twitter
The only thing that could improve the Semi truck float more than Deflated Snowman is if they strapped a guy with a…
from twitter
6 days ago
Twitter
But this year it had a guy wearing a slightly deflated inflatable snow man costume. He was holding a red solo cup a…
from twitter
6 days ago
Twitter
So many of the Rainbow Canyon photos involved the fighter jets, which are much less interest…
from twitter
7 days ago
Twitter
Ah, okay! I’m having trouble finding good images of Rainbow Canyon :/ Maybe we’ll switch swi…
from twitter
7 days ago
Twitter
my daughter is dressing up as a Canyon for California Day in her 4th grade GATE class—do you…
from twitter
7 days ago
Twitter
RT : Two women erased $1.5 million of strangers' medical debt just because they felt like it
from twitter
7 days ago
Twitter
SUUUUUUUUCK ITTTTTT, Valadao
from twitter
7 days ago
Twitter
Oh—and he found the whole thing just HILARIOUS. And watching the p…
from twitter
8 days ago
Twitter
RT : In college one of my professors deducted 10% off my grade for exceeding my excused absences to go to my Grandma's f…
from twitter
8 days ago
Twitter
RT : HEY GUYS SPREAD THE WORD! Donors must be exclusively of Pakistani, Indian or Iranian descent – meaning the donor’s…
from twitter
8 days ago
Twitter
Um, he already had a name, and it was Fancy Long Boi
from twitter
8 days ago
Twitter
I caught my son, at age 2, trying to flush our silverware down the…
from twitter
8 days ago
Twitter
RT : Patrick Stewart gives the worst presents ever.
from twitter
8 days ago
Twitter
I’m struck with tendernesse for Sebastian—A slight, smart, sensitive, and above all, imaginative, little boy with d…
from twitter
9 days ago
Twitter
I put The Neverending Story on to watch while folding laundry and doing dishes, and I’m struck by something this ti…
from twitter
9 days ago
Twitter
As soon as I heard the news I screamed TJ IN THE HOOOUUSE
from twitter
9 days ago
Twitter
Shed no tears for monsters.
from twitter
9 days ago
Twitter
These radios just play a continuous loop of an old man saying PRAY FOR RAIN
from twitter
9 days ago
Twitter
BILL. I KNOW YOUR PAIN. My daughter LOVED the Rainbow Magic Fairy books. She was into them up until th…
from twitter
10 days ago
Twitter
EXCACTLY. Which is why cats put a lot of effort into trying to vomit at night right in the middle of a w…
from twitter
15 days ago
Twitter
I get eaten every year because of my love of thrifted clothes 😭

(In true cat form, he barfs me up immediately aft…
from twitter
15 days ago
Twitter
In a way? I think studios don’t want the risk of funding anything new or original. Sticking to reboots gi…
from twitter
16 days ago
Twitter
I love the woman’s stone-cold, passionless stare. That is the look of a sociopath, and when it comes…
from twitter
16 days ago
Twitter
This is what peak performance looks like
from twitter
16 days ago
Twitter
Mandatory forest raking.
from twitter
16 days ago
Twitter
Incredibly beautiful painting with a beautiful story
from twitter
16 days ago
Twitter
RT : As a relatively successful and busy man who lives in the city, my greatest fear is losing my girlfriend to a hometo…
from twitter
16 days ago
Twitter
Not sure if I have a crowbar (?) but I bought a lock pick set bc my so…
from twitter
16 days ago
Twitter
We all know that One Crab that you don’t want to step to
from twitter
19 days ago
Twitter
Someone write “The Bats” and make it a trilogy
from twitter
19 days ago
Twitter
All dressed up, and no one to murder
from twitter
19 days ago
Twitter
Yep. The only time I vote R is when there aren’t other options and I’m trying to keep things from gettin…
from twitter
19 days ago
Twitter
Everyone who can should make it a point to donate at least one pair of socks this year, and if you are going to buy…
from twitter
19 days ago
Twitter
And making demands on what you do for your free time?? So you aren’t at home all the ti…
from twitter
19 days ago
Twitter
Im amazed he found ONE suitable roommate.

This reads like a well-below-average dude looking f…
from twitter
19 days ago
Twitter
Mine doesn’t work, because I kill it every other week to survive.

Please get your flu shot. I’m really annoying wi…
from twitter
19 days ago
Twitter
I’m just going to leave this here
from twitter
19 days ago
Twitter
God yes. I found my first gray hair, which, at almost 40 shouldn’t be unusual,…
from twitter
20 days ago
Twitter
I know, and like, I used to meticulously reply to each mistaken tagging and patiently explain that I am…
from twitter
20 days ago
Twitter
😂👍 And the Art can be rotated depending on welcome, i.e. Harmlsss Landscape can be flippe…
from twitter
20 days ago
Twitter
Oh, I’m so sorry! This was just me being silly—I joined Twitter early on and took the handle,…
from twitter
20 days ago
Twitter
These were actually on my kids’ wish list!! Thank you so much!! Elias, in particular, has been playing w…
from twitter
22 days ago
Twitter
RT : To everyone who @-ed me about Denham losing while I was sick: Thank you so much. It truly means a lot to me t…
CA10  from twitter
24 days ago
Twitter
RT : I have been really sick lately so I’ve been MIA, but THANK YOU, FAM, WE DID IT and soon my potato-smelling-BFF…
from twitter
24 days ago
Twitter
My job here is done ✨
from twitter
24 days ago
Twitter
I want to submit a problem for you guys to Life Coach to death, but my most abiding problems that don’…
from twitter
24 days ago
Twitter
Just finished Ep. 2 and I had the horrifying revelation Duckberg might exist in the State of Jefferson.

It’s also…
from twitter
24 days ago
Twitter
I was drinking electrolyte replacement BUT IT’S JUST AS GOOD THANK YOU FRIEND
from twitter
24 days ago
Twitter
Uh, yeah. I didn’t take time away from my children and put my physical health on the line so you can open a dialogu…
from twitter
4 weeks ago
Twitter
RT : 91. Nightblade Susan Goes to Class Reunion
from twitter
4 weeks ago
Twitter
Over the summer, the particulate count from the fires were so high my Dr saw massive amounts of Vit…
from twitter
4 weeks ago
Twitter
RT : I live every day with the fear this will happen to me someday.

I took expired Rx sample pills for the last three m…
from twitter
4 weeks ago
Twitter
THE HAT WORKED YOU GUYS!!
THE HAT WOOOOOOORKED ASFKLGDJKJS
from twitter
4 weeks ago
Twitter
Memorial for Pam will be held on Twitter from 9:00-9:01 this morning. Please change your Avatar to Pam
from twitter
5 weeks ago
Twitter
RT : Here’s the thing about : none of this effort was wasted. We are called a ‘purple’ District, but that isn’t exa…
CA10  from twitter
5 weeks ago
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