darthjamtart + feelings:loltastic   45

what a way to make a living
Without any more assignments coming from Downstairs, Crowley is struck with a bad case of the doldrums.

It takes a bit of trial and error, but eventually a solution is found.

(Or: the one where Crowley becomes an Uber driver.)
author:attheborder  fandom:GoodOmens  pairing:Crowley/Aziraphale  genre:continuation  feelings:loltastic  rating:T  length:5k-10k 
july 2019 by darthjamtart
between the motion and the act
"They don't want it to be real," Laurent says. He touches lightly, with his fingertips, where he's written LOVE WINS. "They want us to sell them a fantasy, and they want just enough reality that they can pretend it might happen to them, one day."

Author's Note: This started life as a series of ficlets on Tumblr, now sewn together to form a full story. Although it is a Bachelor AU, it owes most of its backbone to the show Unreal.
author:Fahye  fandom:CaptivePrince  rating:T  length:10k-20k  pairing:Damen/Laurent  genre:get-together  genre:AU  feelings:fluff  feelings:loltastic 
june 2019 by darthjamtart
The Hellfire Club
Circa 1718, Crowley overhears Gabriel announce Aziraphale’s to be promoted back to heaven. What’s a demon to do but thwart the plans of heaven?
author:AMarguerite  fandom:GoodOmens  rating:G  pairing:Crowley/Aziraphale  length:5k-10k  genre:backstory  feelings:loltastic 
june 2019 by darthjamtart
Not A Word
“Yes,” the goblin said. He sounded mournful. “Emrys serves king. Big waste, you ask me. Us following you all day. Emrys say, ‘Goblins watching.’ King tramp all over making noise. Emrys say, ‘look out trap.’ King go in trap.” He and several of the other goblins all shook their heads disapprovingly, while Arthur seriously contemplated cutting the rope at once and swinging himself onto their heads and seeing how many of them he could take out. “Once and future king, not all he cracked up to be. Emrys not want king anymore, Emrys say so, goblins figure out something else. Goblins have queen, she smart, she not go in trap. You want serve queen?” he asked Merlin.

“Er, no thanks, really,” Merlin said.
author:astolat  fandom:merlin  pairing:arthur/merlin  length:<5k  genre:action/adventure  feelings:loltastic  rating:M 
february 2019 by darthjamtart
Bakes to Die For
While digitizing the BBC archives, an intern who asked to remain anonymous discovered a transcript of a lost episode of the Great British Bake Off. The paper could neither be photocopied nor scanned as all the copies came out blank; and the actual footage was never found.
fandom:GreatBritishBakeOff  length:5k-10k  rating:T  pairing:none  feelings:loltastic  genre:screenplay  yuletide 
december 2018 by darthjamtart
no one can stop me, not even gravity or nasa
“Fuck you,” Leia says. “Who said anything about getting married? Did Luke say anything about getting married?”

“Luke is not involved,” Luke says, not looking up.

“Hey, Luke is not involved,” Han says, pointing at her. She’s going to bite his finger off, then they’ll see how much pointing he can do with it. “This is about you and me, princess.”
author:magneticwave  fandom:StarWars  pairing:Han/Leia  rating:G  length:5k-10k  feelings:loltastic  genre:continuation 
september 2018 by darthjamtart
Waste Management
“If the General was here,” says Poe, “We all know that she’d say the Resistance is bigger than any one of us.”

Everyone nods.

“So I think it’s very important that we find the General and bring her back so she can tell us that in person,” Poe continues.
author:shadydave  fandom:StarWars  rating:G  pairing:none  genre:action/adventure  feelings:loltastic  length:10k-20k 
may 2018 by darthjamtart
A Field Guide to Common Birds in New York City
John thinks it might be kind of nice to have music on his Tumblr that plays while people look at pictures of borbs. He can't work out how to do it, though, and yet again winds up writing a text post to ask for help. When he checks on his phone the next morning he has about thirty messages saying things like "NO" and "DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT" and, "OH MY GOD, DID I WAKE UP IN 1998? NO. STOP. WHAT ARE YOU DOING." Someone has attached a gif of Abe Simpson shaking his fist at a cloud.

"Harold, I think I'm being cyberbullied," John says.


In which John acquires a Tumblr, a therapist, and an interest in birdwatching.
author:Toft  fandom:PoI  pairing:Harold/John  rating:E  length:10k-20k  feelings:loltastic  feelings:fluff  genre:get-together 
october 2017 by darthjamtart
“Further Arguments in Support of Yudah Cohen’s Proposal to Bluma Zilberman” by Rebecca Fraimow
Dear Bluma,

I heard that Hershel Schmulewitz, that blockhead, has also presumed to ask for your hand in marriage, which gives you two proposals to consider. Now, you needn’t worry that this will be a sentimental or a wheedling sort of letter. You already know how I feel, and I suppose Hershel’s not so much of a blockhead that he doesn’t feel the same way. I’m simply writing to lay out the reasons, plainly and concisely, why it would certainly be more to your benefit to marry me.
OriginalFiction  genre:epistolary  feelings:loltastic 
may 2016 by darthjamtart
Healing Station Argh
A story about the benefits of cultural exchange, contraception, the downsides to television stardom, and what counts as pre-watershed in the Pegasus galaxy.
author:Toft  fandom:sga  feelings:loltastic  genre:get-together  pairing:OT4  rating:E  length:10k-20k 
july 2015 by darthjamtart
Coming Soon to a Galaxy Near You!
“You’re not the least bit disturbed by this?” John asked. Rodney shrugged. “Well, I’d have preferred a Coffee Bean, but...”
author:trinityofone  fandom:sga  feelings:loltastic  genre:crack  pairing:none  rating:T  length:<5k 
may 2015 by darthjamtart
Your Highnessness
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far a—

Yeah, I know that’s not when it happened, but that’s how you start this kind of—

I don’t know, do I look like George Lucas?

No, he made the movie. No, it doesn’t have Kevin Bacon. Not everything has Kevin Bacon!

Of course it’s still good!

Fine, you dicks. If you think you know better than one of the greatest stories of the human race:

A short time ago, in this galaxy...
author:shadydave  fandom:GuardiansoftheGalaxy  fandom:JupiterAscending  genre:crossover  feelings:loltastic  rating:G  length:<5k  pairing:none 
march 2015 by darthjamtart
Life of Crime
As a <s>supervillain</s> <s>supercriminal</s> contract worker with a morality deficit, Clint Barton leads a glamorous life. You know, stolen cars, dangerous women, a really confusing relationship with a meddling do-gooder, the works. It's pretty awesome. Except for, uh, medical bills, the mob, and being on the run all the time. That part isn't all that awesome.

(A supervillain AU where Clint shoots arrows at people and gets beat up a lot. So, not really that much of an AU.)
author:neveralarch  fandom:avengers  feelings:loltastic  genre:action/adventure  rating:E  length:20k-50k 
june 2014 by darthjamtart
never seen a man with so much dimension
"I'd like to hoard you," Derek said.

(Derek is a dragon. Lydia organizes his library. Stiles fails to rescue her.)
author:verity  fandom:teen+wolf  feelings:loltastic  genre:fusion  genre:crack  length:<5k  pairing:none  rating:G 
december 2013 by darthjamtart
Wishing Well
Thor had been staring the whole time. Now he flung himself off the table and across the room. He seized Loki by the shoulders. "Brother!" he said, ecstatically. "Has the spell — the spell has worked!"

Loki stared back at him. "What spell?" he spat. And added, choked off, "...dear brother."
author:astolat  fandom:avengers  feelings:loltastic  genre:crack  rating:T  pairing:loki/thor  length:5k-10k 
november 2013 by darthjamtart
come around again (only want to say goodbye)
"Why do you let him use your personal line?" Jack snaps at Chilton one particularly trying day, when Will has returned from a twenty minute bathroom break prompted by the buzzing of his phone to study crime scene photographs with bright interest and upbeat speculations on the psychopathy of their serial killer. "The length of an inmate's calls is supposed to be restricted!"

"I can't say no to him!" Chilton says crazily. "He will eat my face right off my skull!"

"You only say that because you know he's done it before!" Jack says, and hangs up so that he can glare at Will without Chilton's stupidity distracting him.
author:hito  fandom:hannibal  feelings:loltastic  genre:crack  rating:T  length:5k-10k  pairing:will/hannibal 
august 2013 by darthjamtart
Wheelhouse
The one where Bond really, really isn't used to sleeping with people who don't tragically die soon afterward.
author:recrudescence  fandom:skyfall  pairing:bond/q  rating:E  length:5k-10k  feelings:loltastic  feelings:unf  genre:get-together 
august 2013 by darthjamtart
The Mating Dance of Wolf and Fox
In which Moneypenny despairs of her boys, no one in MI6 is the least bit sane, Bond complains to HR about MI6's workplace policies, Q insists that he is not a fainting maiden, and he might have to sleep with 007.

Strictly for professional purposes, of course.
author:epithalamium  author:TheCatOnTheMoon  fandom:skyfall  pairing:bond/q  rating:T  feelings:loltastic  genre:get-together  genre:crack  length:20k-50k 
august 2013 by darthjamtart
This Ill-Fitting Skin
In which Bond is turned into a woman by a Bond villain's device, and Q is out of his depth. (He's not really sure what to do about the machine, either.)
author:TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel  fandom:skyfall  pairing:bond/q  rating:M  feelings:loltastic  genre:genderfuck  length:<5k 
august 2013 by darthjamtart
Share/Alike
“Maybe he’s the kind of straight that doesn’t think it counts when a gay boy sucks him off?” she suggests sotto. He kind of really wants to punch her, but she’s the kind of lady who can crack walnuts with her thighs, so he restrains and feels his entire face go pink instead.
author:beaubete  fandom:skyfall  rating:E  length:<5k  genre:porn  genre:get-together  pairing:bond/q/moneypenny  pairing:OT3  feelings:unf  feelings:loltastic 
august 2013 by darthjamtart
Thought Even The Bones Would Do
“Bond. How exactly did you involuntarily order a hit on Q?”

“Drinking was involved.”
author:TheCatOnTheMoon  fandom:skyfall  pairing:bond/q  rating:T  length:5k-10k  feelings:loltastic  genre:get-together 
july 2013 by darthjamtart
Sine Qua Non
Season Three-Four gap. The Director has her reservations about the team leader position, McGee and Ziva have a cunning and psychotic plan, and Tony has a mental breakdown. Sort of, anyway.
author:Sequitur  fandom:NCIS  length:5k-10k  feelings:loltastic  genre:mostly-filler  pairing:none  rating:T 
june 2013 by darthjamtart
The Well of Living Waters
“I propose a formal marriage alliance to bond our two kingdoms together in kinship,” King Stilinski said, well-rehearsed. He indicated Stiles, standing next to him. “I offer to you the hand of my son, crown prince of my kingdom, heir to all my land and holdings. Any child of his body shall stand to inherit your kingdom and mine, and join them in personal union.”

Stiles tried to look regal, yet fertile.
author:kalpurna  fandom:teen+wolf  rating:E  feelings:loltastic  genre:AU  genre:get-together  pairing:derek/stiles  length:20k-50k 
may 2013 by darthjamtart
no moral compass, pointing due north
“I certainly didn’t suggest anything untoward.” Peter says, honestly perplexed but hiding it by widening his eyes innocently. “I can’t help it if you overreacted to my natural sexual magnetism.”
author:AuntieClimactic  fandom:teen+wolf  feelings:loltastic  genre:get-together  rating:E  pairing:peter/stiles  length:<5k 
march 2013 by darthjamtart
#soulbond
Despite no one else being affected by an inconvenient magical soulbond, Tasha would later claim to have been summoned to the scene by Clint’s intense distress.
author:pollyrepeat  fandom:avengers  feelings:loltastic  genre:get-together  length:<5k  pairing:clint/coulson  rating:T 
march 2013 by darthjamtart
Pussy Galore
It's actually bizarrely fitting, when Stiles thinks about it. Derek wasn't that far off from being a cat to begin with. He's well-groomed, but he doesn't always care where he sleeps. He's vicious and mean, but he also sort of wants people to like him. He tries his hardest to make friends with the people who like him the least.
author:kalpurna  fandom:teen+wolf  feelings:loltastic  genre:crack  pairing:derek/stiles  rating:T  length:<5k 
february 2013 by darthjamtart
Killing Elvis
Dr. Liu,

Got your final report yesterday on Project LV-426. I'm amazed. Great work all around. It's been forwarded to the Chair, our friends at the Pentagon, the Defense Appropriations Committee, and DARPA. The acid-resistant armor is something that should really catch their eye.

We're expecting some big grant money from this.

Burke

Burke,

Did you read even the executive summary of my report? There are some interesting biomaterials that we could work with, but I stressed, multiple times, that this creature is far too dangerous to even consider using in military research projects. It's aggressive, stupid, vicious, aggressive, impossible to train, and did I mention aggressive?

. . .their limbs work on hydraulic principles and operate under pressure, which is why they splurt like a popped water balloon when they get hit in those Marine camera feeds we saw. A slight wound to a limb takes them right the hell out of commission, and now your troops have to deal with an insanely aggressive and stupid xenomorphic K-9 unit that oh by the way IS BLEEDING ACID.
author:hradzka  fandom:aliens  genre:epistolary  feelings:loltastic  pairing:none  rating:T  length:5k-10k  yuletide 
february 2013 by darthjamtart
Brutalist Masterpieces
It figures the day Derek finally decides to face the do-it-yourself furniture is the day he breaks the only necessary tool.
author:FireEverything  fandom:teen+wolf  feelings:loltastic  genre:mostly-filler  rating:G  length:<5k  pairing:none 
january 2013 by darthjamtart
Fun and Games
Zo'or gets a lesson in humility courtesy of Liam. Inspired by a comment made by Liam in "First of Its Kind."
author:skieswideopen  fandom:EFC  feelings:loltastic  genre:mostly-filler  rating:G  pairing:none  length:5k-10k 
december 2012 by darthjamtart
Loki Runway
Loki hadn't been observed with a new scepter, and there had yet to be another alien invasion, but he was still a supervillain. SHIELD was on high alert for three months.

Which was when the new season of Project Runway started airing, and one of the designers strutting his stuff in the opening, boldly declaring, "I'll show you mortals how to make it work," set off every facial recognition program SHIELD had.
author:xparrot  fandom:avengers  fandom:project+runway  feelings:loltastic  genre:crossover  pairing:none  rating:G  length:5k-10k 
december 2012 by darthjamtart
A Brief Introduction to Asgardian Dinner Parties
This is the first Earth-Asgard bonding opportunity since that time Loki punched interstellar relations in the face, twice, and the king and queen of Asgard are here, and they are her boyfriend’s parents.

Jane is absolutely not going to get drunk at this party, is the point.
author:jonesandashes  author:pentapus  fandom:avengers  feelings:loltastic  genre:action/adventure  pairing:none  rating:T  length:<5k 
november 2012 by darthjamtart
There is a Brotherhood
So far, college has taught Stiles three things:
1) Eight am classes are cruel and unusual and should be avoided at all costs, even if it means having to enroll in something truly hideous instead, like Econ 101.
2) Dorm security is just as tight as Stiles’ orientation leader had promised it would be, and the dude guarding Scott’s dorm in particular does not respond well to bribes.
3) Mrs. McCall clearly had no clue what she was talking about when she’d insisted that Scott and Stiles needed to branch out and room with strangers, so it’s all her fault that Scott ended up with a total dick of a roommate and Stiles got stuck all the way across campus with some guy who has a girlfriend two towns over and is thus never around.

Or, the one where pledge brothers Stiles and Scott start a prank war with Derek Hale's fraternity.
author:minusoneday  fandom:teen+wolf  feelings:loltastic  genre:get-together  genre:AU  pairing:derek/stiles  length:20k-50k  rating:E 
october 2012 by darthjamtart
Wait Wait Don't Eat Me
"We're going to be cutting our show a little short today, because, as you may have heard, there's an apocalypse happening! But we didn't let the election of Barack Obama stop us, and we're not going to let the zombie hordes stop us either."
author:nestra  fandom:NPR  feelings:loltastic  genre:parody  rating:G  length:<5k  pairing:none 
october 2012 by darthjamtart
all you're giving me is friction
The alpha pack was nothing like what Derek expected.

First of all, they had zero interest in fighting Derek for his territory. "I have an infinity pool," Brandon said loftily. "You basically haunt this busted up house and live in an abandoned train car."
author:drunktuesdays  fandom:teen+wolf  feelings:loltastic  genre:get-together  rating:M  length:<5k  pairing:derek/stiles 
september 2012 by darthjamtart
tie your napkin 'round your neck, cherie
Stiles has been a teapot for 3,308 days. // Scott skids into the door breathlessly and shouts, “THERE’S A GIRL IN THE CASTLE,” and promptly brains himself on one of the casserole dishes.
author:magneticwave  fandom:teen+wolf  feelings:loltastic  genre:fusion  pairing:derek/stiles  pairing:jackson/lydia  rating:T  length:5k-10k 
september 2012 by darthjamtart
Do You Wanna Date My Avatar?
In hindsight, maybe introducing the local werewolf contingent to the wonderful world of online gaming hadn't exactly been Stiles' best idea.
author:christycorr  fandom:teen+wolf  feelings:loltastic  genre:packtivities  pairing:derek/stiles  rating:T  length:5k-10k 
august 2012 by darthjamtart
Wolf Man's Party
In which Dean and Sam Winchester investigate reports of a high school lacrosse team in Beacon Hills, California almost entirely comprised of werewolves, and the expedient application of chocolate chips to the problem first endangers, then saves, several lives.
author:molly  fandom:teen+wolf  fandom:supernatural  feelings:loltastic  genre:crossover  rating:T  pairing:multi  length:<5k 
august 2012 by darthjamtart
Show You What All That Howl Is For
“This is a terrible idea,” Stiles tells the room again. “You’ll all be sorry when Derek pushes me off a cliff.”
author:skoosiepants  fandom:teen+wolf  fandom:sga  rating:T  length:10k-20k  feelings:loltastic  pairing:derek/stiles  genre:fusion 
august 2012 by darthjamtart
Imprint
"The next day, Steve and the other Avengers are just settling into a meeting on the flight deck when there's a muffled yell, and Alvarez falls out of the ceiling."

Or, Steve builds a training program, a team, and new life for himself.
author:hetrez  fandom:avengers  rating:G  pairing:none  feelings:loltastic  length:5k-10k  genre:teambuilding 
august 2012 by darthjamtart

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author:AMarguerite  author:astolat  author:attheborder  author:AuntieClimactic  author:beaubete  author:christycorr  author:drunktuesdays  author:epithalamium  author:Fahye  author:fiercelydreamed  author:FireEverything  author:Greensilver  author:hetrez  author:hito  author:hradzka  author:jonesandashes  author:kalpurna  author:magneticwave  author:minusoneday  author:molly  author:nestra  author:neveralarch  author:pentapus  author:Phosfate  author:pollyrepeat  author:recrudescence  author:Rosencrantz  author:Sequitur  author:shadydave  author:skieswideopen  author:skoosiepants  author:TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel  author:TheCatOnTheMoon  author:Toft  author:trinityofone  author:Unloyal_Olio  author:verity  author:xparrot  fandom:aliens  fandom:avengers  fandom:BlackBooks  fandom:CaptivePrince  fandom:EFC  fandom:GoodOmens  fandom:GreatBritishBakeOff  fandom:GuardiansoftheGalaxy  fandom:hannibal  fandom:HarryPotter  fandom:JupiterAscending  fandom:jurassic+park  fandom:leverage  fandom:losers  fandom:merlin  fandom:NCIS  fandom:NPR  fandom:PoI  fandom:project+runway  fandom:sga  fandom:skyfall  fandom:star+trek  fandom:StarWars  fandom:supernatural  fandom:teen+wolf  fandom:white+collar  feelings:fluff  feelings:loltastic  feelings:unf  genre:action/adventure  genre:AU  genre:backstory  genre:continuation  genre:crack  genre:crossover  genre:epistolary  genre:fusion  genre:genderfuck  genre:get-together  genre:mostly-filler  genre:packtivities  genre:parody  genre:porn  genre:screenplay  genre:teambuilding  length:5k-10k  length:10k-20k  length:20k-50k  length:<5k  OriginalFiction  pairing:arthur/merlin  pairing:bond/q  pairing:bond/q/moneypenny  pairing:clint/coulson  pairing:Crowley/Aziraphale  pairing:Damen/Laurent  pairing:derek/stiles  pairing:Han/Leia  pairing:Harold/John  pairing:jackson/lydia  pairing:jensen/cougar  pairing:loki/thor  pairing:multi  pairing:none  pairing:OT3  pairing:OT4  pairing:peter/stiles  pairing:will/hannibal  rating:E  rating:G  rating:M  rating:T  yuletide 

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