daguti + relationships-friends   14

Thoughts on FIRE and Friendship : financialindependence
"I've read this subreddit for years and never felt that I had anything of substance to post. I value the ethos of FI tremendously and came across it while already doing some of the things anyways (cooking my own meals, paying down debt, investing in index funds, etc.) but wasn't truly on the FIRE path because I was wasting a lot of money on things without realizing it (cable TV, eating out at crappy restaurants too much, ordering crap from Amazon that we didn't need, etc.)

So I realize none of this is really all that unique. What I wanted to share is that my wife and I had some friends that also discovered FIRE around the same time, and went much more hardcore into it. They stopped going out to eat for any reason at all; would never go get a drink for any reason; would never buy something new for any reason; moved 10 states away and now live like hermits. In essence, if an activity cost any money at all, they just wouldn't do it. While they are definitely going to achieve FIRE earlier than we are, they've sacrificed a lot of things along the way like friendships and relationships, and it has led me to much contemplation about the differences in our paths. Some of the relationships I've kept by doing things like going out for the occasional drink have led me to conversations about jobs and career choices that catapulted me into interviews and new jobs that have ended up tripling my income, while these friends of mine are still scraping by earning the same amount they always have. Our savings rate of ~40% is nowhere near theirs and certainly not bragging rights on this sub, I realize, but we still have a rich social life and enjoy ourselves along the way, while our ultra-FIRE friends have faded completely from our social circle and live a pretty spartan existence.

I realize that in itself is worth considering, too; perhaps they've chosen to remove themselves because they feel that these social connections to people that don't understand their FIRE motivation are hampering their journey. Maybe they really are happier without having friends or ever going out for a drink. I don't mean this post to say that they are wrong and I am right; or vice versa. The roots of this movement were about giving up consumption and I recognize that I really haven't been able to completely do that. The point I was really trying to make with all of this is that however you found yourself on this path, it's important to remember to think through these kind of considerations - is it worth giving up your friendships because of your dedication to FIRE? To us it wasn't, and to our friends it was. I wish them the best and I am a bit jealous that they'll be truly FI earlier than we will. But I've also had a lot of really good times along the way with the friends we all shared, and there is a hole there where they are missing from it all.
Has anyone else had these kind of thoughts or experiences along the way? Am I going to get downvoted to oblivion for not belonging here? I'm more curious than anything."
money  money-retirement  relationships  relationships-friends 
december 2018 by daguti
For a Better Marriage, Act Like a Single Person - The New York Times
Some great snippets FTA:
"Contrary to some claims, marrying at an older age generally lowers the risk of divorce. It also gives people time to acquire educational and financial assets, as well as develop a broad range of skills — from cooking to household repairs to financial management — that will stand them in good stead for the rest of their lives, including when a partner is unavailable."

"What’s more, single people generally have wider social networks than married couples, who tend to withdraw into their coupledom. On average, unmarried people interact more frequently with friends, neighbors, co-workers and extended family."

"What’s more, single people generally have wider social networks than married couples, who tend to withdraw into their coupledom. On average, unmarried people interact more frequently with friends, neighbors, co-workers and extended family."

"Socializing with friends and family and participating in clubs, political organizations, teams, unions and churches are essential components of what sociologists call social integration. And health researchers report that maintaining high levels of social integration provides as much protection against early mortality as quitting smoking. In fact, having weak social networks is a greater risk factor for dying early than being obese or sedentary."

"A long-term study of more than 6,500 Britons found that men and women who reported having 10 or more friendships at age 45 had significantly higher levels of psychological well-being at age 50, whatever their partnership status, than people with fewer friends. And two recent studies of nearly 280,000 people in almost 100 countries by William Chopik of Michigan State University found that friendships become increasingly vital to well-being at older ages. Among older adults, relationships with friends are a better predictor of good health and happiness than relations with family."

"It’s true that, on average, married people report higher well-being than singles. But mounting research indicates that most of the disadvantages of singles compared with the currently married are accounted for by distress among the previously married, especially those most recently divorced or widowed.

This suggests an intriguing possibility, says the Ohio State University sociologist Kristi Williams, editor of The Journal of Marriage and Family: Many of the problems experienced by divorced and widowed people may result not so much from the end of their marriage as from having relied too much on their spouse and thus failing to maintain social networks and the skills of self-reliance."

There is a lot more, but I'd basically be pasting the whole article.
health  health-aging  relationships  relationships-marriage  meetup-movnat  health-mental  relationships-friends 
february 2018 by daguti
A friend-centric lifehack that can make you so much happier
"A 2010 meta-analysis reviewed 148 studies involving over 300,000 participants and concluded that having weak social ties was as harmful to health as being an alcoholic and twice as harmful as obesity. ... 'A lack of social relationships was equivalent to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.' ...
A more recent study, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, found a biological response to loneliness that triggers disease. According to the researchers, social isolation sets off a cellular chain reaction that increases inflammation and suppresses the body’s immune response." ..................... I like the idea he presents about the "kibbutz"
health  relationships  relationships-friends  meetup-movnat  evolvify-topics  personal-development 
november 2017 by daguti
Our double lives: Dark realities behind ‘perfect’ online profiles | New York Post
"Steers cited the work of social psychologist Leon Festinger, who, in 1954, came up with “social comparison theory,” the idea that we measure ourselves in relation to others’ failures and successes." ......................... marriage, warnings = "Yet Karina Freedman, a skin care specialist with a large clientele in Kiersten’s Manhasset neighborhood, says many of these women are, in fact, leading double lives. “So many of the husbands work late hours and their wives are home alone,” she tells The Post. “So, on weekends, it’s common for them to go out to bars and clubs in the city without their husbands. Many of the women in Manhasset are partiers.”"
psychology  relationships-friends  facebook  social-media  warnings  children  children-teens  relationships  health-mental-depression  relationships-marriage 
december 2015 by daguti
What Startups Are Really Like
I've been surprised again and again by just how much more important persistence is than raw intelligence.
entrepreneurship  business  communication  relationships-friends  relationships  startups  communication-negotiation 
october 2009 by daguti
danieltenner.com — Starting up with a friend
ADDITIONAL SAMPLE QUESTIONS: How much daily/weekly devoted time is 'enough'? Do we both have to be working equal hours on this to keep the 50/50 ownership? what takes precedence over the business? girlfriend? family? main job? etc. It seems like a fool-proof plan: start up with a close friend. You’ll get along (obviously), and you’ll get to share the exciting, fantastic, scary experience of starting up with someone you care about. It’s not a bad idea, but there are a few caveats that you should be aware of before you proceed1. When I started my first company with one of my closest friends, I expected things would go very well between us. We understood each other in ways that would take years to build up (and did take 10 years). We knew each other, and we knew we could rely on each other. We were prepared to have many surprises along the way — starting a business is always going to be a scary adventure.
entrepreneurship  business  communication  relationships  startups  relationships-friends  contracts  communication-negotiation 
march 2009 by daguti

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