cluebucket + peeping_tom   1

My Stepfather, The Peeping Tom
"I was trying to prove some point — the point that I should not have to talk to him, that such an expectation was sick and deranged. Guess what? My point was not being taken. Would I tough it out like a lone, ignored hunger-striker until I died?
"But then, if I talked to him, was I betraying not only myself but every woman ever abused, every person who talked to me in a hushed tone after a poetry reading, every woman who nabbed me on the street saying, 'I read your book. Something like that happened to me, too…'?"
...
"A former boyfriend whom I had been with for many years had made many trips with me to Florida, and I felt bad about the way his relationship with the man fucked with his head. 'Is it all right that I like him?' he asked me — confused, not wanting to betray me, but I had set him up, hadn’t I? I had set him up to spend time with this jolly man who treated my mother so kindly, who took us to play miniature golf and blasted Aerosmith in his truck and didn’t give a shit that my ex was transgender and took us out for pizza and came home from a run to the gas station bearing bingo-themed scratch tickets for us all to play. In the years before his spinal disease crippled him, this was my stepfather. Charming, chain-smoking, liked to talk about science, a scuba diver. The sexual abuse he had perpetrated was a concept. The man before us was real."
1980s  1990s  2010s  2014  buzzfeed.com  michelle_tea  writing  memoir  abuse  stepfather  parenting  peeping_tom  voyeurism  pain  father  silence  mother  growing_up  apology  acceptance  anxiety  family  relationship  poet 
november 2014 by cluebucket

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