cluebucket + gaslight   2

Carolyn Hax: Husband’s online ties to a female employee define ‘emotional affair’ - The Washington Post
from Hax:

"You do need to make clear that this isn’t about whether physical cheating has or hasn’t happened or will happen. It’s about what he fully admits is happening: His time with you is spent talking to her. He’s taking his best self (such as it is, but you can omit that part) outside the marriage. That’s what you’re objecting to.

"Well, that and his utterly loveless response to your concerns.

"I type all this out knowing the chances are slim to zero that he’ll look inward, fall to his knees with remorse over his self-indulgence and recommit himself to your marriage. But, the part where you state your feelings clearly is important."

comment from jalesq:

"Your husband is doing what he wants because he wants to do it. He's aware that its extreme; he's aware this is painful for you. He's aware that it can be 'misunderstood' and that it could open up all sorts of problems.

"He does not care about that ~ not enough to stop. Talking to this woman gives him a rush. A feeling he doesn't feel any other way ~ and that includes you, sadly. Ignore the 'woo him back' remarks. That will simply add to your humiliation ~ and he's humiliating you for his need. He will continue to talk to this woman for has long as *she* allows it: you have no real power over it.

"In short, you have been demoted... He is telling you loud and clear that your feelings are not his priority. His are. And he likes how he feels doing this, no matter how crazy it makes you.

"Do you still want to be married to someone like that?"
carolyn_hax  tell_me_about_it  washingtonpost  advice  marriage  relationship  affair  emotion  cheating  husband  wife  divorce  2013  2010s  gaslight  facebook  reaction  overreaction  tip 
december 2013 by cluebucket
Rookie » Bad Romance
1. Learn the Term "Gaslight"
2. Don't Blame Yourself
3. Do Not Ride the Escalator
4. You Have No Power Over Me
rookiemag  sady_doyle  advice  abuse  relationship  respect  power  labyrinth  control  gaslight  2012  2010s  therapy  how_to  emotion  manipulation  twilight  21st_century 
march 2012 by cluebucket

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