cluebucket + affair   8

I want to marry my wife’s stepmother - Salon.com
aw I miss Cary Tennis.
"...as each person comes up to me I hand them a yellow 3-by-5 card and say, 'Quit drinking. See a therapist. Next.'"
...
"See a professional. I'm not a professional anything. I am just a person with an Internet connection. You should see a professional. But here is what I think anyway. I think that before you do this you need to figure out why you want to do it."
...
"Self-knowledge is not just a luxury. It's more a responsibility. It's like learning to drive right so you don't run people down."
salon  advice  cary_tennis  2011  2010s  therapy  relationship  affair  divorce  family  self-help  awareness  life  driving  metaphor  quote  suicide 
february 2016 by cluebucket
Carolyn Hax: Husband’s online ties to a female employee define ‘emotional affair’ - The Washington Post
from Hax:

"You do need to make clear that this isn’t about whether physical cheating has or hasn’t happened or will happen. It’s about what he fully admits is happening: His time with you is spent talking to her. He’s taking his best self (such as it is, but you can omit that part) outside the marriage. That’s what you’re objecting to.

"Well, that and his utterly loveless response to your concerns.

"I type all this out knowing the chances are slim to zero that he’ll look inward, fall to his knees with remorse over his self-indulgence and recommit himself to your marriage. But, the part where you state your feelings clearly is important."

comment from jalesq:

"Your husband is doing what he wants because he wants to do it. He's aware that its extreme; he's aware this is painful for you. He's aware that it can be 'misunderstood' and that it could open up all sorts of problems.

"He does not care about that ~ not enough to stop. Talking to this woman gives him a rush. A feeling he doesn't feel any other way ~ and that includes you, sadly. Ignore the 'woo him back' remarks. That will simply add to your humiliation ~ and he's humiliating you for his need. He will continue to talk to this woman for has long as *she* allows it: you have no real power over it.

"In short, you have been demoted... He is telling you loud and clear that your feelings are not his priority. His are. And he likes how he feels doing this, no matter how crazy it makes you.

"Do you still want to be married to someone like that?"
carolyn_hax  tell_me_about_it  washingtonpost  advice  marriage  relationship  affair  emotion  cheating  husband  wife  divorce  2013  2010s  gaslight  facebook  reaction  overreaction  tip 
december 2013 by cluebucket
Letters of Note: Shall we go together & look for her?
"To relate, I must see: Cinema relates with the camera, but I am certain, I feel, that with you near me, I could give life to a human creature who, following hard and bitter experiences, finds peace at last and complete freedom from all selfishness. That being the only true happiness which has ever been conceded to mankind, making life more simple and nearer to creation"
1948  1940s  ingrid_bergman  roberto_rossellini  letter  telegram  lettersofnote  affair  love  film  director  actress  stromboli  synopsis  idea  writing  fan  admiration  italy  fascism  passion  language  enthusiasm  life  quote  20th_century 
august 2012 by cluebucket
The Use of Poetry : The New Yorker
"Her bucolic name in this connection intrigued him. He thought of a generous strapping lass, manure-streaked, astride a tractor—and then did not think about her again. The term ended, he went home, his mother died, and the summer was lost to grief and boredom and numbing, inarticulate silences at home with his father. They had never discussed feelings before, and had no language for them now. Once, when he saw from the house his father at the bottom of the garden, examining the roses too closely, he was embarrassed, no, horrified, to realize from the tremors of his father’s shoulders that he was weeping. It did not occur to Michael to go out to him. Knowing about his mother’s lovers, and not knowing whether his father knew—he guessed he did not—was another impossible obstacle."
ian_mcewan  newyorker  fiction  short_story  poetry  john_milton  scientist  parenting  affair  marriage  relationship  oxford  postwar  1947  1940s  1960s  1970s  writing  divorce  21st_century  20th_century 
february 2012 by cluebucket

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