cluebucket + 2013 + abuse   5

Carolyn Hax: Vulnerability and self-esteem in a relationship - comment from pdianek
don't mind me, just copying this in full!:

"Don't compare yourself to other people, especially whose whom you do not know personally or who are utterly hypothetical.

"Don't compare your SO to other people, especially men who treated you horribly. He's entitled to smudge his own copybook -- or keep it beautifully neat.

"And if he does eventually break up with you, remind yourself that that means he does not value your most fabulous qualities, and that you have therefore dodged a bullet!"
pdianek  tell_me_about_it  relationship  advice  comparison  abuse  breakup  encouragement  2010s  2013  washingtonpost  self-esteem  confidence  vulnerability 
december 2013 by cluebucket
My Nice Boyfriend Makes Me Crazy
it's not my problem, but it's a lot of worthwhile words about self-examination and open communication in relationships. helpful for that.

"Lots of people, LOTS AND LOTS OF FUCKING PEOPLE, really, truly don't want to connect. They just want to do what they do without being challenged or being forced to show up. They want to talk about the easy stuff, keep it light, ignore the trouble, keep the peace, don't look too hard at anything, and don't get too honest. There's another tier, above that: The people who want intimacy, but only on THEIR terms. They want access to an open person, sure, so they can turn that person on and off, like a faucet. Great when they happen to want you, not so great when you need something from them and they can't handle being needed.

"But there are a few people who can show up. If they see that you want them to show up, they can show up. If you're present, they will find a way to be present, too. I think that's what you have in this man, even if you aren't quite there yet yourself."
heather_havrilesky  ask_polly  advice  relationship  devotion  neediness  insecurity  communication  dating  vulnerability  transparency  emotion  abuse  coping  life  connection  2013  2010s  writing  tip 
december 2013 by cluebucket
On Hugo Schwyzer, White Supremacist Feminism and Its Abuse of WoC (with tweets) · thetrudz · Storify
after sifting through much ish online regarding Hugo Schwyzer confession/breakdown/manipulation, felt this was good to bookmark for reference

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
“If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.”- Zora Neal Hurston
storify.com  twitter  tweet  2000s  2010s  2013  so_treu  blackamazon  christina_parreira  sincitygrrrl  flavia_dzodan  redlightvoices  thetrudz  shakestweetz  theangryfangirl  hugo_schwyzer  manipulation  narcissism  racism  confession  breakdown  takedown  feminism  white  black  poc  woc  women  reaction  abuse  mental_health 
august 2013 by cluebucket
American Woman Gives Domestic Abuse A Face, And Voice, In China : NPR
"In one instance, she was told her physical evidence was inadmissible because she had visited the wrong hospital. Another time she was told that the correct police official was not present to take her evidence. And she was also informed that voice recordings were needed of her husband's threats against her."
kim_lee  li_yang  npr  abuse  relationship  divorce  marriage  public  fight  activism  china  america  2000s  2013  2010s  beijing  trial  weibo 
february 2013 by cluebucket
Rachel Aviv: The Science of Sex Abuse : The New Yorker
“So you’re just willing to lie to a psychologist to appease them?” a prosecutor asked another inmate, Michael Riedel, who claimed that he had inflated the number and nature of his sex crimes. “They wouldn’t believe me when I said ‘one,’ ” he responded, “so what am I supposed to say?”

Recently, three prisoners at Butner wrote an anonymous thirteen-page report critiquing the Butner study, which they said had been “repeated so many times as to become fact in many places and in many minds.” Hernández, too, has publicly expressed concern about the way in which his study has been embraced by politicians and law-enforcement officials, warning that the scientific research is still “in its infancy.” But the study, because it confirmed a natural suspicion, has generated its own momentum. “The idea of this one-to-one correspondence—if you are attracted to children, you will act on it—is now a widespread misconception,” Michael Seto, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Toronto, told me.

In 2011, Seto reviewed the only six studies he could find that drew on the self-reports of child-pornography offenders and found that the Butner study was a “statistical outlier.” The study had provided a politically expedient answer to a social dilemma that, upon further examination, was still ambiguous. In Seto’s review, roughly half of child-pornography offenders admitted that they had sexually abused at least one person. The difference between the two groups, Seto said, was that those whose deviant activity occurred only online did not have the antisocial traits, like lack of empathy and impulsiveness, that are common to all types of criminals. They represented a new species, “fantasy offenders,” Seto said. “In this weird, disinhibiting space, which lacks the usual social cues, they may do and say things they would never dare in real life.”
newyorker  writing  crime  pedophilia  america  abuse  prison  inmate  confession  predator  punishment  treatment  2013  2010s  2000s  internet  suspicion  lie  research  psychology  therapy 
january 2013 by cluebucket

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