cluebucket + 2013   182

Death of a Revolutionary | The New Yorker
“Do not rest assured. Things are not O.K.” On the back of the page, she scrawled in red ink, “Are you even on my side? Are you on your own side?”
shulie  shulamith_firestone  susan_faludi  2013  2010s  1960s  1970s  1980s  1990s  2012  obituary  life  revolution  feminism  feminist  nyc  schizophrenia  mental_health  family  orthodox  jewish  tragedy  author  culture  politics  group  breakdown  capgras  kathie_sarachild  ti-grace_anderson  kate_millett  leadership 
november 2017 by cluebucket
Sword Guys Are a Thing and I’ve Had Sex With All of Them
"Katanas are the Bulbasaur of sword catching, and this guy wants to be a real sword master."
thecut  nymag  hana_michels  sword  dating  hobby  culture  2017  2010s  2013  weapon  sexism  america  sharon_tate  youtube  comedian 
september 2017 by cluebucket
Noahpinion: I get what you get in ten years, in two days
"The usual economist case for income redistribution is based on utilitarianism; the idea is that $1000 matters more to a poor person than to a rich person. Mankiw wants to ditch this idea in favor of a value system based on 'just deserts':
...
"In 10 years, Mike gets $250,000. That is about what Brad gets in three days (not two; sorry, Chris Brown).
...
"'OK,' Mike says. 'But why, then, is Brad CEO so much more produtive than I am? Where does his $30 million productivity come from?' ... 'So let me get this straight,' Mike says. 'Brad deserves to be so much richer than me because of ability he was born with? People who are lucky enough to be born with high skills deserve to be able to get a Civic in half a day, while people who were born with fewer skills deserve to have to slave away for years if they want a Civic?'
"Anyway, Dr. Mankiw's answer is not forthcoming, and Mike cannot leave a comment on Mankiw's blog, due to the no-comments policy. So our story continues."
2013  2010s  noahpinionblog  blogspot  economics  comparison  wealth  poverty  greg_mankiw  income  chris_brown  america  ceo  wal-mart  car  noah_smith  life  work  disability  entitlement  hypocrisy  takedown  economy  charles_dickens 
march 2017 by cluebucket
The Near-Sighted Monkey, Part One “On Beyond Literature” by Lynda Barry
my brother ripped this out of the WaPo LoC Natl Book Festival special edition for me three years ago... I stored it badly through three moves and it tore and I have to pitch it... digital copy
reading  lynda_barry  literature  growing_up  childhood  nostalgia  book  drawing  comic  illustration  2013  2010s 
january 2017 by cluebucket
Exiting the Vampire Castle
rip

"Class consciousness is fragile and fleeting. The petit bourgeoisie which dominates the academy and the culture industry has all kinds of subtle deflections and pre-emptions which prevent the topic even coming up, and then, if it does come up, they make one think it is a terrible impertinence, a breach of etiquette, to raise it. I’ve been speaking now at left-wing, anti-capitalist events for years, but I’ve rarely talked – or been asked to talk – about class in public.

"But, once class had re-appeared, it was impossible not to see it everywhere in the response to the Brand affair. Brand was quickly judged and-or questioned by at least three ex-private school people on the left. Others told us that Brand couldn’t really be working class, because he was a millionaire. It’s alarming how many ‘leftists’ seemed to fundamentally agree with the drift behind Paxman’s question: ‘What gives this working class person the authority to speak?’ It’s also alarming, actually distressing, that they seem to think that working class people should remain in poverty, obscurity and impotence lest they lose their ‘authenticity’."
...

"The first law of the Vampires’ Castle is: individualise and privatise everything. While in theory it claims to be in favour of structural critique, in practice it never focuses on anything except individual behaviour. Some of these working class types are not terribly well brought up, and can be very rude at times. Remember: condemning individuals is always more important than paying attention to impersonal structures. The actual ruling class propagates ideologies of individualism, while tending to act as a class. (Many of what we call ‘conspiracies’ are the ruling class showing class solidarity.) The VC, as dupe-servants of the ruling class, does the opposite: it pays lip service to ‘solidarity’ and ‘collectivity’, while always acting as if the individualist categories imposed by power really hold. Because they are petit-bourgeois to the core, the members of the Vampires’ Castle are intensely competitive, but this is repressed in the passive aggressive manner typical of the bourgeoisie. What holds them together is not solidarity, but mutual fear – the fear that they will be the next one to be outed, exposed, condemned."
mark_fisher  thenorthstar.info  blog  writing  2010s  2013  twitter  u.k.  politics  social_media  owen_jones  russell_brand  liberal  fight  comedian  inspiration  snark  class  guilt  morality  privilege  friedrich_nietzsche  behavior  protest  capitalism 
january 2017 by cluebucket
universalequalityisinevitable: Peter Joseph on... - ZainaZahirah
"The truth is that violence is a process, not an act, and it can take many forms. You cannot separate any outcome from the system by which it is oriented."
zainazahira  tumblr  gif  speech  peter_joseph  poverty  death  violence  government  legal  video  screengrab  2016  2013  2010s 
march 2016 by cluebucket
In oral arguments for the Texas abortion case, the three female justices upend the Supreme Court’s balance of power.
"I counted two instances in which Roberts tried to get advocates to wrap up as Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Sonia Sotomayor simply blew past him with more questions. There was something wonderful and symbolic about Roberts losing almost complete control over the court’s indignant women, who are just not inclined to play nice anymore."

blow-by-blow
slate  dahlia_lithwick  scotus  court  politics  abortion  choice  feminism  law  elena_kagan  sonia_sotomayor  ruth_bader_ginsburg  texas  2016  2013  2010s  HB2  clinic  health  women  argument  logic  takedown 
march 2016 by cluebucket
2013 headline via Twitter from the Rochester Democrat & Chronicle
☆。★。☆。★
。☆ 。☆。☆
★。\|/。★
Nearly 100 arrested at Dave Matthews concert
★。/|\。★
。☆ 。☆。☆
☆。 ★。 ☆ ★
dave_matthews  band  news  headline  rochester  new_york  concert  arrest  crime  2013  2010s  from notes
february 2016 by cluebucket
Captain Beefheart Issues His "Ten Commandments of Guitar Playing" | Open Culture
1. Listen to the birds.
2. Your guitar is not really a guitar.
3. Practice in front of a bush.
4. Walk with the devil.
5. If you’re guilty of thinking, you’re out.
6. Never point your guitar at anyone.
7. Always carry a church key.
8. Don’t wipe the sweat off your instrument.
9. Keep your guitar in a dark place.
10. You gotta have a hood for your engine.

I am not a guitar player but man I can appreciate that stink.
philosophy  don_van_vliet  hubert_sumlin  howlin_wolf  one_string_sam  guitar  list  lettersofnote  captain_beefheart  1960s  1970s  rule  tip  musician  advice  how_to  commandment  instrument  performance  openculture.com  2013  2010s  devil  bird  stink  music  1974  old_grey_whistle_test  magic_band  moris_tepper  from twitter_favs
november 2015 by cluebucket
The Strange & Curious Tale of the Last True Hermit | GQ
"One man had actually lived in the woods of Maine for twenty-seven years, in an unheated nylon tent."

the North Pond Hermit
hermit  camping  via:cosmic  maine  gq.com  michael_finkel  forest  2013  2010s  christopher_knight  1986  1980s  burglary  haunted  mystery  jail  letter  isolation  loneliness  silence  breakdown  mental_health  aspergers 
november 2015 by cluebucket
Keep the Things You Forgot: An Elliott Smith Oral History | Pitchfork
"It took a long time for him to develop a love-hate relationship with the press room. So he would tell me a list of fanzines that he wished some day would interview him, and then we’d see if we could make it happen. That was such a different time in the music industry. There was no internet; fanzines were our internet—and using the post office was our information superhighway, I guess. [laughs]

"Because we were friends, he was able to tell me what he was and wasn't comfortable with. The more attention he got, the more troubled he got, and that’s when it got hard. The irony of it was that he was so open and honest with pretty much anybody who crossed his path, so it wasn't unlike him to tell a very personal, private story to a virtual stranger sitting next to him at a bar.

"But it would infuriate him when people asked him what his lyrics were about. He really hated having to have an answer for what every character and every story was. Music was a way of channeling thoughts and feelings that were bigger than him into art, and he didn’t feel like he owed every single person an explanation of what everything was about."
--Dorien Garry
elliott_smith  1990s  2000s  2010s  2013  pitchfork.com  interview  history  musician  portland  death  life  lou_barlow  mike_doughty  slim_moon  kill_rock_stars  mary_lou_lord  rebecca_gates  spinanes  steven_drozd  flaming_lips  sebadoh  rob_schnapf  margaret_mittleman  jj_gonson  larry_crane  tony_lash  quasi  sam_coomes  janet_weiss  heatmiser  jayson_greene  photo  joanna_bolme  1993  1994  1997  1998  record_label  oscars  celine_dion  2000  autumn_de_wilde  addiction  fame  drugs  2003  2004 
november 2015 by cluebucket
Red, White, Blue & Orange by Benjamen Walker | Free Listening on SoundCloud
.
happened to listen to this today, when the last British detainee (never charged) was released...
... after 14 years!
... and still 100+ detained!
benjamen_walker  theory_of_everything  podcast  soundcloud  radio  audio  guantánamo  torture  zero_dark_thirty  film  controversy  war  prison  prisoner  interview  2000s  2006  2013  2010s  tajikistan  umarov_muhibullah  cia  military  crime  criminal  2004  mckenzie_funk  joshua_phillips  secret  detainee  terror 
october 2015 by cluebucket
The Bouletcorp » Our Toyota was Fantastic.
lots of memories like this due to father who always insisted on starting trips at 3am
boulet  bouletcorp.com  webcomic  gif  comic  animation  car  childhood  nostalgia  2013  2010s  toyota  trip  memory 
october 2015 by cluebucket
Musician Quintron makes music with the weather – to forget the pain of lymphoma | Music | The Guardian
"'I wanted its sounds to be mostly beautiful,' says Q, who sculpted the sound palette partly for his own therapeutic purposes. 'When I first built it, it was screeching horror, white noise static, sharp-edged oscillations. I slowly worked it into what I wanted it to be: harmonious sounds. But I do still have some ugly ones – lightning would be one of those. And sometimes before sunset it emits some atonal surprising things.'"

really glad I finally got to see them live :-)
quintron  musician  interview  guardian  michael_patrick_walsh  2015  2010s  cancer  lymphoma  new_orleans  instrument  invention  music  miss_pussycat  2013  robert_rolston  health  synthesizer  weather  weather_warlock  drum_buddy  therapy  chemotherapy  radio 
may 2015 by cluebucket
The B&P tunnel: A disaster postponed | The Economist
"In the months since the near miss, the 142-year-old tunnel has continued to deterioriate [sic]. Water seeps in from the roof and the sides, and trains still have to move achingly slowly through the chokepoint. But Amtrak and MARC, Maryland's commuter rail line, have no better options."

white knuckle through this ish 2x a day, erry day
economist.com  tunnel  infrastructure  construction  train  amtrak  baltimore  1870s  2010s  2013  2015  damage  accident  maryland  marc 
march 2015 by cluebucket
How One Stupid Tweet Blew Up Justine Sacco’s Life - NYTimes.com
Benjamin Rush: "'It would seem strange that ignominy should ever have been adopted as a milder punishment than death, did we not know that the human mind seldom arrives at truth upon any subject till it has first reached the extremity of error.'"

Author: "I found no evidence that punitive shaming fell out of fashion as a result of newfound anonymity. But I did find plenty of people from centuries past bemoaning the outsize cruelty of the practice, warning that well-meaning people, in a crowd, often take the punishment too far."
jon_ronson  justine_sacco  JustineSacco  HasJustineLandedYet  tweet  twitter  shame  judgment  2015  2010s  2014  punishment  history  18th_century  boston  flamewar  south_africa  a.a._gill  2013  regret  pillory  19th_century  20th_century  crowd  mob  society  destruction  nytimes  sam_biddle  apology  tarnish 
february 2015 by cluebucket
The Breaking News Consumer's Handbook - On The Media
via Tips for handling breaking news:
"
1. In the immediate aftermath, news outlets will get it wrong.
2. Don't trust anonymous sources.
3. Don't trust stories that cite another news outlet as the source of the information.
4. There's almost never a second shooter.
5. Pay attention to the language the media uses.
* "We are getting reports" ... could mean anything.
* "We are seeking confirmation" ... means they don't have it.
* "[News outlet] has learned" ... means it has a scoop or is going out on a limb.
6. Look for news outlets close to the incident.
7. Compare multiple sources.
8. Big news brings out the fakers. And photoshoppers.
9. Beware reflexive retweeting. Some of this is on you.
"
2013  2010s  news  onthemedia  alex_goldman  list  rule  journalism  fake  how_to  tip  accuracy  anonymous  crisis  breaking_news  from twitter_favs
december 2014 by cluebucket
New Dawn Coaching and Training – Do you have Baby Elephant Syndrome?
"Early in life, a baby elephant is tied to a tree with a strong rope. Since the elephant naturally wants to roam, it pulls and tugs in an attempt to free itself from confinement. But since it is still small and relatively weak, such efforts yield no results. The baby elephant learns quite early in life that it will have no success in releasing itself from the rope; it then stops trying to escape.

"Later on, when the elephant has grown into a creature of tremendous size and strength, it could undoubtedly now take the rope AND the tree with it in an easy stab at freedom. Yet, the massive elephant remains tied to the tree via a simple rope. Since its mind has been conditioned by previous attempts – and failures – at success, the elephant won’t even try to break free anymore."
2013  2010s  new_dawn  newdawncoachingandtraining.com  elephant  animal  allegory  emotion  choice  will  action  trauma  conditioning  limit  failure  escape  strength 
november 2014 by cluebucket
But I'm A Nice Guy on Vimeo
"A quick editorial cartoon about the intersection of self-pity, entitlement, rape, territoriality, misogyny and fear of women."
scott_benson  feminism  misandry  men  women  fear  hate  video  vimeo  vimeo.com  cartoon  animation  rights  response  matrix  satire  op-ed  rape  privilege  misogyny  nice  2013  2010s  chauvinism  patriarchy  matriarchy 
march 2014 by cluebucket
Cover Story: All Together Now : The New Yorker
"Steve Jobs, along with whatever else we’re crediting to him, should be granted the patent on converting the universal human gesture for trying to remember something from looking above one’s head to fumbling in one’s pants pocket.
...
"Sometimes, I’ve noticed with horror that the memories I have of things like my daughter’s birthday parties or the trips we’ve taken together are actually memories of the photographs I took, not of the events themselves, and together, the two somehow become ever more worn and overwrought, like lines gone over too many times in a drawing. The more we give over of ourselves to these devices, the less of our own minds it appears we exercise, and worse, perhaps even concomitantly, the more we coddle and covet the devices themselves. The gestures necessary to operate our new touch-sensitive generation of technology are disturbingly similar to caresses."
chris_ware  writing  newyorker  cover  image  art  magazine  technology  smartphone  steve_jobs  2014  2010s  memory  photo  mary_zimmerman  jungle_book  children  newtown  2013 
january 2014 by cluebucket
What Grantland Got Wrong «
"...if I can help my colleagues and simultaneously make sure that the trans people who come up in their coverage get a fair shake, I welcome that opportunity."
christina_kahrl  culture  writing  journalism  sexuality  gender  trans  lgbtq  suicide  mistake  caleb_hannan  2014  2013  2010s  golf  essay_anne_vanderbilt  death  ethics  op-ed  grantland 
january 2014 by cluebucket
Word Theft by Ruth Graham
"T.S. Eliot, who relied on other sources for much of 'The Waste Land' (plagiarism or allusion?), famously wrote, 'Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal.' Less often quoted is the next line, 'Bad poets deface what they take.' This is what seems to gall many victims of plagiarists: to see their poems reprinted in weaker versions than the original."
poetryfoundation.org  poetry  writing  ruth_graham  plagiarism  2013  2014  2010s  cynicism  prize  theft  crime  idea  creativity  copy  copyright  sample  scandal  taboo  literature  author  narcissism  self-esteem  internet  u.k.  australia  america  stalking  apology 
january 2014 by cluebucket
Now Shia LaBeouf is Plagiarizing Kenneth Goldsmith - Gapers Block Book Club | Chicago
"...regardless of whether LaBeouf truly believes in his #stopcreating philosophy of appropriating pre-arranged words and art, Goldsmith has unwittingly given intellectual ammunition to an already controversial celebrity refusing to cede the last word to his critics -- regardless of whether or not he has any original words to say."
jason_prechtel  gapersblock.com  poetry  poet  shia_labeouf  kenneth_goldsmith  daniel_clowes  plagiarism  stolen  writing  2010s  2013  2012  2014  apology  #stopcreating  reappropriation  original  author  actor  poetryfoundation  creativity  uncreative_writing  thenewinquiry  chicago  copy  ruth_graham 
january 2014 by cluebucket
Ghetto Fabulous: 13 Voices Speak On Fashion's Appropriation of Urban Culture
"Miley’s urban affectations fueled the frenzy around her. “Was her ratchet styling racist?” the media asked, as a barrage of incendiary tweets were fired in reply. Our thought at BULLETT: few questions that can be answered by an 8-ball are worth asking, and this wasn’t one of them. We wanted to know how."
bullettmedia.com  bullett  discussion  fashion  appropriation  culture  black  urban  pop  race  miley_cyrus  2014  2010s  2013  america  mykki_blanco  juliana_huxtable  class  prince_franco  matthew_josephs  dean_kissick  jeremy_lewis  jenna_sauers  akeem_smith  identity  ayesha_siddiqi  london  ella_plevin  andreas_aresti  writer  design  mih-ha_pham  junglepussy 
january 2014 by cluebucket
Carolyn Hax: Vulnerability and self-esteem in a relationship - comment from pdianek
don't mind me, just copying this in full!:

"Don't compare yourself to other people, especially whose whom you do not know personally or who are utterly hypothetical.

"Don't compare your SO to other people, especially men who treated you horribly. He's entitled to smudge his own copybook -- or keep it beautifully neat.

"And if he does eventually break up with you, remind yourself that that means he does not value your most fabulous qualities, and that you have therefore dodged a bullet!"
pdianek  tell_me_about_it  relationship  advice  comparison  abuse  breakup  encouragement  2010s  2013  washingtonpost  self-esteem  confidence  vulnerability 
december 2013 by cluebucket
Carolyn Hax: Vulnerability and self-esteem in a relationship - The Washington Post
"Please examine the idea that one person (out of 7 billion, never lose sight of that number) can have so much power over the very essence of you. Any time you feel so vulnerable to anyone, please ask yourself: 'What’s THAT about?'
...
"And so each of us, in becoming whole, functioning adults, needs to find a way to come to terms with sharing the planet with people who are well-positioned to hurt us, be it through intent or merely by proximity.

"The one I recommend most is the 'whatever' approach: 'They’re out there, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do.' Treat people as populating one of two categories: those who help you with your purpose in life, or those better tuned out as distractions.

"Make sure you’re in the first category yourself. If you think you can do more in life, then take concrete steps toward that. If you feel valuable as you are, then serve as no one’s inferior."
carolyn_hax  tell_me_about_it  advice  help  relationship  insecurity  confidence  dating  status  self-esteem  vulnerability  2013  2010s 
december 2013 by cluebucket
Big Barda's Black Baby Girl: Justine Questions
"the kicker of this is. She could have lived this stupidly entitled life quietly
That would be privilege
She would have been supported in her privilege even if she made an uncomfortable workspace in a hard to crack industry
That's institutional racism
What got her?
Was her need to be seen being MEAN about it"
2013  2010s  blackamazon  tumblr  writing  IAC  scandal  racism  justine_sacco  charity  bigotry  takedown  nepotism  wealth  privilege  twitter 
december 2013 by cluebucket
When “Life Hacking” Is Really White Privilege — Get Bullish — Medium
instead of "in bed," add "because I'm white"

"[T]he right way to talk about this — about 'ruling your world' with mind-control (and servicepeople-control) techniques — involves acknowledging structural barriers that allow some people to do this while punishing others for trying. And it involves a healthy discussion of whether we should."
medium.com  writing  2013  2010s  takedown  racism  privilege  entitlement  wealth  stealing  justice  injustice  jen_dziura  get_bullish  james_altucher  quora  access  race  class  society  white  service  rule  boundary 
december 2013 by cluebucket
Mel Brooks and His Wonderful Rejection of Subtlety | Splitsider
"...Brooks’ films have the elements that make it the perfect comedy film “gateway drug,” and should be essential viewing for any kid with an interest in comedy." truedat!
splitsider.com  mel_brooks  comedian  film  director  comedy  joke  1950s  1960s  1970s  1980s  joy  writing  review  brad_becker-parton  history_of_the_world_part_I  blazing_saddles  movie  influence  childhood  youtube  video  clip  2013  2010s 
december 2013 by cluebucket
Marc Maron and the wrong Kevin Macdonald: A true “WTF” moment. | Variety
just marking this down because when that episode came out I really was disappointed that it was Kevin MacD and not Kevin McD. ha!
marc_maron  wtf  variety  variety.com  interview  kevin_mcdonald  kevin_macdonald  comedian  director  film  tv  kidsinthehall  2010s  2013  mistake  identity  podcast  wtf_pod 
december 2013 by cluebucket
My Nice Boyfriend Makes Me Crazy
it's not my problem, but it's a lot of worthwhile words about self-examination and open communication in relationships. helpful for that.

"Lots of people, LOTS AND LOTS OF FUCKING PEOPLE, really, truly don't want to connect. They just want to do what they do without being challenged or being forced to show up. They want to talk about the easy stuff, keep it light, ignore the trouble, keep the peace, don't look too hard at anything, and don't get too honest. There's another tier, above that: The people who want intimacy, but only on THEIR terms. They want access to an open person, sure, so they can turn that person on and off, like a faucet. Great when they happen to want you, not so great when you need something from them and they can't handle being needed.

"But there are a few people who can show up. If they see that you want them to show up, they can show up. If you're present, they will find a way to be present, too. I think that's what you have in this man, even if you aren't quite there yet yourself."
heather_havrilesky  ask_polly  advice  relationship  devotion  neediness  insecurity  communication  dating  vulnerability  transparency  emotion  abuse  coping  life  connection  2013  2010s  writing  tip 
december 2013 by cluebucket
Ask Polly: My Life Is A Beige Pointless Hellscape! - The Awl
"Suddenly you can feel the cold press of the plastic chair on your tenders. That's the physical sensation of realizing you're a joke to the rest of the world." lqtm

"I never understood why my dad ran, swam, ate a mango for lunch, and then had an early cocktail. Now I get it. Mood maintenance is everything for the olds."

"Passion comes from vulnerability. If you want to know how to transcend this provincial life—and there are lots of ways to do it—you absolutely must start by ripping out these old walls that protect you and prevent you from feeling connected to yourself and to other people. You must learn to make yourself vulnerable and open and sensitive again."

"Am I changing the world? Should I have done more by now? Those questions are just needless noise, like the cheap click of that boom box. If I AM a failure, then being a failure fucking rules, because here I am, right now, doing what I love."
theawl  ask_polly  heather_havrilesky  advice  life  boredom  depression  ambition  goal  hope  pessimism  settling  writing  performance  2013  2010s  career  desire  passion  mood  work  joy 
december 2013 by cluebucket
The Appalling Stance of Rand Paul - NYTimes.com
"We have gone from a war on poverty in this country to a war on the poor, in which poor people are routinely demonized and scapegoated and attacked, and conservatives have led the charge.
...
"To buy into this destructive lie about the character of the poor means you've either had no experience being poor, or have no capacity to empathize with their plight.
"Being poor is a job unto itself."
charles_m._blow  nytimes  op-ed  rand_paul  conservative  poor  poverty  wealth  welfare  government  politics  politician  arrogant  takedown  society  2013  2010s  america  scapegoat  effort  wage  work 
december 2013 by cluebucket
Why I Make Terrible Decisions, or, poverty thoughts
"I am not asking for sympathy. I am just trying to explain, on a human level, how it is that people make what look from the outside like awful decisions."
killermartinis  kinja.com  gawker.com  linda_tirado  writing  life  poverty  decision  class  wage  classism  work  empathy  2013  2010s  hope  defeat  lack 
december 2013 by cluebucket
Carolyn Hax: Husband’s online ties to a female employee define ‘emotional affair’ - The Washington Post
from Hax:

"You do need to make clear that this isn’t about whether physical cheating has or hasn’t happened or will happen. It’s about what he fully admits is happening: His time with you is spent talking to her. He’s taking his best self (such as it is, but you can omit that part) outside the marriage. That’s what you’re objecting to.

"Well, that and his utterly loveless response to your concerns.

"I type all this out knowing the chances are slim to zero that he’ll look inward, fall to his knees with remorse over his self-indulgence and recommit himself to your marriage. But, the part where you state your feelings clearly is important."

comment from jalesq:

"Your husband is doing what he wants because he wants to do it. He's aware that its extreme; he's aware this is painful for you. He's aware that it can be 'misunderstood' and that it could open up all sorts of problems.

"He does not care about that ~ not enough to stop. Talking to this woman gives him a rush. A feeling he doesn't feel any other way ~ and that includes you, sadly. Ignore the 'woo him back' remarks. That will simply add to your humiliation ~ and he's humiliating you for his need. He will continue to talk to this woman for has long as *she* allows it: you have no real power over it.

"In short, you have been demoted... He is telling you loud and clear that your feelings are not his priority. His are. And he likes how he feels doing this, no matter how crazy it makes you.

"Do you still want to be married to someone like that?"
carolyn_hax  tell_me_about_it  washingtonpost  advice  marriage  relationship  affair  emotion  cheating  husband  wife  divorce  2013  2010s  gaslight  facebook  reaction  overreaction  tip 
december 2013 by cluebucket
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