chellexxx + self!harm   75

Detached
Following the events of Road Trip, Sam and Cas head to the bunker. Sam doesn't feel quite like himself after being used as a vessel and has some trouble to be at peace again with the idea that Cas is still wearing Jimmy Novak's body.
8,327
SPN  SPN!Non-AU  Slash  Sam/Castiel  Season!9  910  5000+  Short  archiveofourown  Self!Harm  Vessel  Angst  Bat!Cave  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  First!Time 
may 2017 by chellexxx
Walking A Tightrope
Jensen Ackles was pulled into an ocean of drugs and prostitution by a mother who was already drowning in it.
Jared Padalecki started sticking his fingers down his throat in response to a world that insisted anyone who wasn't rail-thin was ugly.
They both meet under terrible circumstances and find themselves doing their best to put the broken pieces of each other back together again. But things like that are easier said than done. ...... 80,159
RPS  RPS!AU  Slash  Jared/Jensen  First!Time  Angst  Hurt/Sick!Boys  hurt!Jared  hurt!Jensen  Depression  Addiction  Addict!Jensen  Addict!Jared  Self!Harm  Hooker!Jensen  Prostitution/Hustling  Student!Jared  Student!Jensen  Depraved!Humans  Person-Sandy!McCoy  Person-Jeffrey!Dean!Morgan  Person-Danneel!Harris/Ackles  Sad  archiveofourown  75000+  Epic 
april 2017 by chellexxx
Heartbreak
Sam becomes a prostitute at the tender age of thirteen. Things go downhill from there.
43,845
SPN  SPN!Non-AU  Pre-Series  Stanford  Teenchesters  Hooker!Sam  Prostitution/Hustling  Character-John!Winchester  Self!Harm  Angst  archiveofourown  35000+  Long  Porn 
march 2017 by chellexxx
While You Were Gone
Dean was gone and this time Sam had no idea where he was. Sam
could only assume that he was dead. He tried looking for his brother,
God had he tried. He has barely slept for those four long months
catching, questioning and, occasionally torturing any and every creature
he could. He went after demons, Levis, and even an angel and a cupid.
But nobody knew where his brother was at and if they did, they didn’t
say. He had been talking to hunters even though he knew some of them
still hated his guts but for his brother he’d do anything. Or so he
thought. ... 36,200 .. http://waya98.livejournal.com
SPN!Non-AU  Gen  Season!8  hurt!Sam  Emotionally!hurt  Memories/Flashback  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  PTSD  Hospitalized!Boys  Angst  Non-Con  Torture  Beaten  Abducted  Abducted!Sam  Motel/Hotel  806  guilty!Dean  Hunter  post!Season!7  Depraved!Humans  Asylum  pdf/mobi  Self!Harm  Bed!Sharing  75000+  livejournal  Epic  archiveofourown  kick!ass!Dean  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  A!Break!From!Hunting  Character-Castiel  Character-Crowley 
february 2016 by chellexxx
Respite
“Sam?” Dean reaches out toward him without thinking. Sam reacts
to his touch like it burns, eyes wide and unfocused as his hands lash
out; under his breath, barely audible, Dean hears Sam whispering no; no,
please. Something cold twists in his gut as he retreats, pressing
himself against the other side of the stairwell and raising his hands in
surrender. “Sam, it's me,” he says. “It's Dean.” But Sam doesn't hear
him. He's muttering and still holding his hands up, and Dean sees a
trickle of blood slide down from his hairline before following the
contours of his face into the dip under his eye and then down his nose.
Sam knocks himself off the step and fumbles down two more before Dean
finally hears him breathe. .... 3,139
SPN!Non-AU  Gen  Season!11  1114  hurt!Sam  PTSD  Angst  Memories/Flashback  Hell  Brain/Head!injury  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  Self!Harm  1000+  Short  archiveofourown  Domestic!fic  Bat!Cave  Bed!Sharing  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
february 2016 by chellexxx
The Final Arc
Tracy is with Krissy, Josephine, and Aidan are on a hunt in
Florida, when they run into her least favorite person: Sam Winchester,
the reason her family is dead. After hearing Sam's story, however, she
begins to worry. Especially now that he's not with Dean, and is
suffering a heavy backlash of nightmares from The Cage. .. 43,660
SPN!Non-AU  Het  Sam/OFC  Self!Harm  Angst  Non-Con  hurt!Sam  Powers!Sam  pining!OC  asshole!John  Abusive!John  Abused!Sam  Unrequited  Torture  Abusive!Dean  Spell/Curse  PTSD  post!Season!10  Angel!Sam  Angel  Long  35000+  archiveofourown  Dream/Nightmare  kick!ass!Sam  Memories/Flashback  Confession  Gen  Abused  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Domestic!Violence  Character-Adam!Milligan  Character-Chuck!Shurley  Character-Castiel  Character-John!Winchester  Character-Hannah  Character-Lucifer  Character-Michael  Character-Flagstaff  Character-Metatron  Character-Tracy!Bell  Character-Krissy!Chambers  Separated!Boys 
december 2015 by chellexxx
Without You (The Tears Dry)
for depressing, suicidal thoughts, also mentions of self-harm.
Warnings: Depressing, suicidal thoughts, also mentions of self-harm. Set
in season 8, spoilers for 9x03. Sam makes an unexpected discovery about
Dean. He's keeping a secret journal, in shape of series of cassettes,
for times he wasn't feeling so well. Maybe he didn’t know Dean as well
as he thought he did. But, suicide notes were the last thing on his
mind. .... 56,088
SPN!Non-AU  Gen  Season!8  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Dean  Self!Harm  Secret  Long  fanfiction.net  livejournal  50000+  Depression  Angst  hurt!Dean  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Deleted!Fic!or!Author  pdf/mobi 
november 2015 by chellexxx
By a Single Thread (Mind!verse)
Dr. Jensen Ackles is a renowned neuro-psychologist and pioneer
surgeon in the field known as Mind Mapping, a procedure that involves
entering a coma patient's mindscape and sifting through their memories
and trauma to help the patient wake up from the coma. It’s a complex
procedure that requires strict rules and no lingering remnants of the
visit. But while working with his current patient—Jared Padalecki, male,
24, attempted suicide--Jensen discovers he’s in too deep. He’s formed a
dangerous emotional attachment to Jared that could have devastating
consequences. He finds himself in the difficult situation of risking his
own mind and sense of self by losing himself in Jared. But the more
memories he visits, and the more he gets to know Jared, the more Jensen
realizes how important it is that he save Jared’s life, whether it costs
Jensen his identity or not.
76,041

http://archiveofourown.org/works/4546152/chapters/10348446
RPS  RPS!AU  Slash  Jared/Jensen  First!Time  Big!Bang  Medical!Professional!Jensen  Coma  hurt!Jared  Mind!Reading  Depression  Self!Harm  Angst  Bullies  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Jared  75000+  livejournal  archiveofourown  Epic  Hospitalized!Boys  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Person-Chad!Michael!Murray  Person-Genevieve!Cortese/Padalecki  Person-Jeffrey!Dean!Morgan 
november 2015 by chellexxx
Jericho
This is a story about Sam, who has never hunted a damn thing in
his life and about Dean, who has hunted every damn thing there is. They
will meet at the vastnesses of blooming farmlands on a country road on a
sunny spring day. It's this car, which Sam finds in the Men of Letter's
bunker, that sends him that way. A car - so black and beautiful - that
was buried in the Bunker for decades. And you know, it's not just a car.
Because legend has it that it belonged to the best hunter, who has ever
lived. He was the best, the most dangerous. But it's rumored that at
the end he became more monster than man. Just like the things he always
hunted. So this is a story about the Impala, about the curse of Cain and
the blessing of the Samulet. A story about hellhounds and the darkness
at crossroads. About Death and Hell. Then of course there will be Hell,
because Dean's the new King. . 58,296
Slash  Sam/Dean  Big!Bang  Season!1  AU!Season!10  Season!10  AU!Season!1  Stanford  Pre-Series  AU!Pre-Series  SPN!AU  Demon!Dean  Deal  Self!Harm  Domestic!fic  Tattoo  Bat!Cave  Time!Travel  archiveofourown  50000+  Long  Amulet  Hell!Hounds  Hell  Hunter!Dean  AU!Stanford  SPN  Time!Travelling!Sam  Character-John!Winchester  Character-Mary!Winchester  Character-Impala 
september 2015 by chellexxx
Pastiche
Jared’s just moved into a new apartment complex and immediately
warned about his upstairs neighbor Jensen who is a bit eccentric. ....
33,949
RPS  RPS!AU  Slash  Jared/Jensen  First!Time  Neighbour  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Jensen  Self!Harm  top!Jared  25000+  archiveofourown  Long  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Person-Chad!Michael!Murray  Person-Christian!Kane  Person-Danneel!Harris/Ackles  Person-Misha!Collins  Person-Steve!Carlson 
september 2015 by chellexxx
if love sits on your heart like stone
Warnings: Themes of depression, self-harm, suicide ideation.
Post Swan Song AU: If Dean can’t be sure of anything else in the world,
he can be sure of this - he was made for Sam. Made to take care of him,
protect him, look after him. If Sam is gone, then there is no purpose to
his existence. If Sam is gone, there is only one course of action - get
Sam back. This is the story of Sam and Dean finding their way back to
each other, driving down the highway, saving people, hunting things.
..... 32,433

http://archiveofourown.org/works/4152621/chapters/9368958
SPN!Non-AU  Gen  Slash  Sam/Dean  post!Season!5  Mute!Dean  Self!Harm  kick!ass!Sam  kick!ass!Dean  Angst  Big!Bang  25000+  archiveofourown  livejournal  Long  Mute  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Character-Bobby!Singer  Character-Castiel  Character-Missouri!Moseley 
august 2015 by chellexxx
It's a Not-So-Wonderful Life
Dean has finally given in to the Mark of Cain and become a
monster. Gabriel gives Sam a chance to save him, but only by erasing
himself from Dean's life. What would Dean's life be like if Sam had
never existed? Without Sam, Dean gets the apple-pie life Sam always
wished he could have, never knowing what his brother sacrificed. Until
the day that something supernatural happens, and Dean's happy, normal
life encounters a snag or two in the form of a tall, dark-haired
stranger. . 19,000
Slash  Season!10  AU!Season!10  Sam/Dean  Deal  Spell/Curse  Parent/Guardian!Dean  Kid!fic  Amnesia  Amnesia!Dean  Firefighter!Dean  Self!Harm  sick!Sam  First!Time  Angst  Schmoop  PTSD  pining!Sam  15000+  Long  archiveofourown  SPN!AU  Hunter!Sam  SPN  Gabriel!Lives  Hurt/Sick!Boys  AU!Raised!Apart  AU!Not!Raised!as!Hunters  Character-Gabriel/The!Tickster  Character-Missouri!Moseley 
april 2015 by chellexxx
have you seen him whom my soul loves
Matthew 26:41—"Watch and pray, that ye enter not into
temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." ......
42,500

Jensen is an orphan, raised by the Catholic church and now a preist. He moves to Jared's town and everything changes.
RPS  RPS!AU  Slash  Jared/Jensen  First!Time  Angst  Self!Harm  25000+  livejournal  Long  pdf/mobi  Infidelity  Homophobia  Jared/Sandy  Person-Chad!Michael!Murray  Person-Christian!Kane  Person-Sandy!McCoy  Priest  Priest!Jensen  Mechanic  Mechanic!Jared  Hurt/Sick!Boys  hurt!Jared  Bottom!Jared  Virginity 
december 2014 by chellexxx
Two-Headed Boy
Sam's life from sixteen to twenty-two years old. Theirs is a
story of the last days of innocence during a sweltering Southern summer
when Sam is so in love with his brother, he can barely stand his touch.
It's the pain between them through lies, through jealousy, through
seeing each other with someone else. Theirs is a story of leaving and
Stanford, of Dean feeling lost and Sam nearly losing himself without his
brother. It's fire and reunion and a love never lost - ever-present and
no longer deniable. .. 208,265 ..... sequel to The Ballad of the
Invisible Boy ...... http://melungeoned.livejournal.com/55463.html

verse http://archiveofourown.org/series/129525
SPN!Non-AU  Slash  Pre-Series  Teenchesters  Sam/Dean  First!Time  pining!Sam  Season!1  Season!2  Angst  Bottom!Sam  Self!Harm  Sam/Jess  Het  Big!Bang  200000+  Epic  livejournal  archiveofourown  Stanford  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Character-Bobby!Singer  Character-John!Winchester  Character-Missouri!Moseley 
september 2014 by chellexxx
Do you want to be a porn star Dean?
When Dean goes missing, John and Sam have to race against time
to find him. Or will he be used as an unwilling participant in his
captor’s sinister plan.
SPN!Non-AU  Sam/Dean  Slash  Pre-Series  Abducted  Abducted!Dean  hurt!Dean  Porn  Self!Harm  Length!Unknown  livejournal  Teenchesters  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Character-John!Winchester 
september 2014 by chellexxx
Giving Up the Ghost
Since his parents’ divorce, Jensen Ackles has just about given
up on the living. Moving from town to town with his Mom and Sister, his
only solace has been found in music, and ignoring pretty much everything
else. The latest move to a massive plantation home in Louisiana feels
like a dream come true: he'll have all the space and privacy he's ever
wanted. But there's something--someone--else living in the house. And
they're absolutely bent on making Jensen's peace and quiet a living
hell. Jensen's just a moody teenager who wants to be left alone. And
Jared is the lonely ghost that haunts his bedroom. Determined to get rid
of the pesky poltergeist, Jensen makes it his mission to get Jared to
move on from this earth. But the more time they spend searching for
Jared's way to cross over, the more Jensen is discovering that Jared
might be one of the few people on this earth--living and dead--that he
might want to keep around. .. 89,327

http://archiveofourown.org/works/2129613/chapters/4649682
RPS  RPS!AU  Slash  Jared/Jensen  Ghost  First!Time  Big!Bang  RPS!Family  Angst  Self!Harm  archiveofourown  livejournal  Long  75000+  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Person-Chad!Michael!Murray  Person-Danneel!Harris/Ackles  Person-Genevieve!Cortese/Padalecki 
september 2014 by chellexxx
In The Dark, In The Pain, On The Run
After Sam's wall breaks, Dean decides they need some time out
of the life. They rent a rundown house in a small town, and during the
renovations, everything changes between them. Sam/Dean curtain!fic,
veers off canon mid S6. ..... 18,666
SPN!Non-AU  Slash  Season!7  AU!Season!7  Sam/Dean  First!Time  Bed!Sharing  Curtain!fic  Domestic!fic  Bar  PTSD  Pretend/Mistaken/Couple  archiveofourown  Schmoop  15000+  Long  Self!Harm  Angst  Emotionally!hurt  Memories/Flashback  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
august 2014 by chellexxx
Worth the Fight
After a car accident leaves 17-year-old Jared comatose, he is
stuck in the middle of life and death with one other guy for company.
The more time he spends with the other man, Jared realizes that he's
starting to fall for him and is even more determined to recover so the
two can start their life together. But how do you start a life with
someone who's just waiting for the end?
RPS  RPS!AU  Slash  Jared/Jensen  First!Time  Coma  Angst  hurt!Jared  hurt!Jensen  Non-Con  Self!Harm  Length!Unknown  livejournal  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
july 2014 by chellexxx
The Lucifer Problem
Dean and Sam try to make it work, but after Heaven, it becomes
clear to Dean that it would be best to separate. Sam decides to let Dean
stop the apocalypse, while Sam takes on the Lucifer problem. After all,
if Lucifer doesn't have a true vessel to take, he'll be that much
easier to defeat. Sam goes off the grid, and not even Castiel can find
him. Pairings: Sastiel .... 23,965 Companion fic ..
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10313907/1/To-Protect-And-Defend ....
http://archiveofourown.org/series/135621
SPN!Non-AU  Slash  Sam/Castiel  First!Time  Season!5  516  Angst  AU!Season!5  Self!Harm  Dream/Nightmare  hurt!Sam  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  guilty!Dean  guilty!Sam  Powers!Sam  fanfiction.net  20000+  Long  pdf/mobi  Separated!Boys  archiveofourown  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Character-Bobby!Singer  Character-Castiel  Character-Gabriel/The!Tickster  Character-Lucifer  Dream!Walking 
may 2014 by chellexxx
The Other Was a Star-Shaped Hole
AU following the end of the fifth season. Dean finds a way to
pull Sam out of Hell, and now all they want is for things to be over.
For them to be safe. But both brothers have secrets they aren't sharing,
and it takes several attacks from never-before-seen creatures—
including strangely Hollywood-like zombies— to make them admit things
aren't quite as perfect as they've been pretending. Sam reveals he still
has a piece of Hell trapped inside his mind, and it's clear Hell is set
on getting it back. He and Dean resolve to make a stand, but even that
isn't as simple as it seems. The struggle not only takes an immense toll
on Sam's mind and body, it also starts changing his relationship with
Dean. There's a price to be paid for every victory, and the Winchesters
find themselves paying their worst one yet. ... 28,35 ...
http://spoons1899.livejournal.com/137029.html
SPN!Non-AU  Slash  Sam/Dean  First!Time  post!Season!5  Angst  archiveofourown  25000+  Long  Big!Bang  hurt!Sam  Self!Harm  PTSD  Bottom!Sam  livejournal  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Character-Bobby!Singer 
april 2014 by chellexxx
The Whole Truth And Nothing But
After being hit with a truth spell Sam's forced to reveal some
shattering things about himself, including that he was raped and that he
loves Dean like no brother should love his sibling, he runs away. Dean
manages to find him almost a year later and now his younger brother is
addicted to heroin and is into self-harm. Sam can't believe that Dean
feels the same about him and feels like Dean only pities him. Dean has
to use a spell on Sam before Sam realizes Dean feels the same and with
time and love Dean convinces Sam that they share a special bond. .....
26,668 http://dont-hate-me01.livejournal.com/121814.html
archiveofourown  Long  25000+  Abused!Sam  Angst  Bottom!Sam  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  Emotionally!hurt  Self!Harm  drugged!Sam  pining!Sam  Memories/Flashback  hurt!Sam  Non-Con  Confession  First!Time  Sam/Dean  Under!the!Influence  Spell/Curse  Slash  SPN!Non-AU  Addiction  Addict!Sam  Separated!Boys  Depraved!Humans  Abused  Witch/Warlock  Cursed!Sam  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Can't!Lie  Character-Bobby!Singer 
march 2014 by chellexxx
Kintsugi
Dean needs a new protective sigil tattoo, and he visits the
tattoo artist other hunters recommend--the only person in the area who's
precise enough for the work. Getting two words in a row out of the guy
is hard labor, but undeniably worth it in the end.
4,600
Tattoo  1000+  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  Angst  Self!Harm  PTSD  Insecurity  Abused!Sam  hurt!Sam  Teenchesters  Pre-Series  Gen  SPN!Non-AU  Abused  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
march 2014 by chellexxx
If You're Out There
How do you fight back when you can't seem to find your voice?
Jensen is doing his best to get by in an abusive household while
protecting his younger sister, but as the bruises continue to grow
deeper he doesn’t know how much more he can take. Jared is doing his
best to hold them all together, until Jensen takes matters into his own
hands. Suddenly thrust upon unexpected journeys, Jared and Jensen will
both have to walk alone in order to discover themselves and a way back.
Warnings for drug use, child abuse, dub con, self-harm
Beaten  Length!Unknown  Abused!Jensen  HighSchool!AU  Self!Harm  First!Time  Dub-Con  Angst  RPS!Family  hurt!Jensen  Deaf!Jensen  Big!Bang  livejournal  Jared/Jensen  Slash  RPS  RPS!AU  Student!Jensen  Student!Jared  Friends!to!Lovers  Depraved!Humans  Deaf  Abused  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Domestic!Violence  Person-Christian!Kane  Person-Sandy!McCoy 
december 2013 by chellexxx
Settle Down My Shivered Bones
Sometimes John hunts without his boys, and sometimes he stays
gone too long. His sons come up with a way to cope. It's not necessarily
pretty, but it's what they do.
4,800
hurt!Sam  Angst  Self!Harm  livejournal  Short  1000+  Neglect  asshole!John  Teenchesters  Pre-Series  Gen  SPN!Non-AU  Absent!John  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Character-John!Winchester 
december 2013 by chellexxx
The Ballad of the Invisible Boy
This is a story of adolescence. This is a love letter for the
slow burn, for Led Zeppelin, for the 90s. This is the first of three
sets of stories about how Sam and Dean didn’t fall in love. They never
had to. It was always there, this desperation between them, like a real,
breathing thing. When they came together, it was inevitable. as sure as
continents colliding, as the phases of the moon and the life and death
of stars. This isn’t a love story, but it’s a story of love. ..... Verse
279,435 ..... http://archiveofourown.org/series/129525
archiveofourown  Bed!Sharing  Sam/OFC  Dean/ofc  First!Time  Sam/Dean  School!Shooting  !School  Schmoop  Angst  Romance  Teenchesters  Pre-Series  livejournal  Slash  SPN!Non-AU  Pre-Slash  Sam/Jess  Het  Self!Harm  Bottom!Sam  top!Sam  Thanksgiving  Bat!Cave  Season!10  Season!8  Stanford  Homeless!Sam  Epic  200000+  Depraved!Humans  SPN  Character-Bobby!Singer  Character-Missouri!Moseley 
november 2013 by chellexxx
Decisions In Blood
Season Two- 8 Episode Tag: When Dean almost flat lines, Sam has
an emotional breakdown which drives him to drastic measures in hope of
contacting his brother’s spirit. WARNING: Self Harm / Tags span from In
My Time of Dying thru Cross Road Blues
33,734
Angst  hurt!Sam  Self!Harm  Emotionally!hurt  sick!Dean  fanfiction.net  25000+  Season!2  Gen  SPN!Non-AU  Long  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  Hospitalized!Boys  Hospital  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  In!My!Time!of!Dying 
october 2013 by chellexxx
Textus
After moving to a new town for a new hunt, Sam's life starts to spiral down and he finds himself struggling to cope with it all.
58,284
Bullies  fanfiction.net  50000+  Emotionally!hurt  hurt!Sam  Self!Harm  Teenchesters  Pre-Series  Gen  SPN!Non-AU  Long  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  Depraved!Humans  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Character-John!Winchester 
october 2013 by chellexxx
All This Damage
Jared and Jensen each have feelings for each other, but both
are afraid to reveal them, for very different reasons. Jared is
concerned about Jensen's behaviour, particularly after stumbling onto a
disturbing scene. Jensen's behaviour becomes even more erratic and
self-destructive after the death by suicide of his cousin. Jared works
together with Chris to try to figure out how to help him, and discover
something very disturbing about Jensen's past.
top!Jared  Insecurity  livejournal  20000+  Big!Bang  Angst  Non-Con  Emotionally!hurt  Self!Harm  Jensen/omc  hurt!Jensen  Memories/Flashback  pining!Jensen  pining!Jared  First!Time  Jared/Jensen  Slash  RPS  Long  Emotionally!hurt!Jensen  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Person-Christian!Kane  Person-Michael!Rosenbaum 
october 2013 by chellexxx
Always Darkest Before the Dawn
Jared and Jensen have not seen one another since high school. A
chance meeting in a bar one night leads to so much more than what
either could have hoped for. What do you do when you know you are your
best friend’s only hope yet you are barely keep your own head above
water? ......
46,799
pdf/mobi  Armed!Forces!Jensen  Armed!Forces  35000+  Angst  Non-Con  Self!Harm  top!Jared  First!Time  Jared/Jensen  livejournal  Slash  RPS  Long  RPS!AU  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts 
september 2013 by chellexxx
Holding the Sky
John was brutally killed during a hunt that also left Dean
broken, living with borderline debilitating chronic pain and PTSD. To
cope, Dean threw everything into building the perfect life for Sam. Five
years later, they’re renting a house in suburbia where Sam is finishing
his senior year. Sam slowly discovers the self-destructive lengths Dean
has been going to for him and helps his brother towards recovery.
50,000
Dub-Con  hurt!Dean  Big!Bang  Teenchesters  Angst  Self!Harm  Sam/Dean  50000+  Prostitution/Hustling  livejournal  Pre-Series  Dean!centric  First!Time  Slash  PTSD  Long  Hooker!Dean  SPN!AU  Separated!Boys  Alone/Separated  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys  AU!Not!Raised!By!John 
august 2013 by chellexxx
Like the Back of My Hand
The year is 2107 and all physical human contact has been
outlawed. Jared was born into this world and he’s never experienced
anything like real human touch. But there’s a secret world that exists
on the outskirts of this one; rumors of people who deal and touch in
back alleys for the right amount of money. Curious despite himself, he
tags along with a friend to witness one of these deals. All it takes is
one moment, wrong place, wrong time, and Jared finds himself a part of
this secret world, led in by Jensen. Jensen is everything about this
world that gets people killed, but Jared’s curiosity gets the better of
him, because while Jared has never been touched, Jensen still remembers
what it was like to be touched. Curiosity shifts to passion and Jared’s
no longer able to deny himself the need to understand physical touch,
and to have Jensen be the one to teach him. In a world where people die
to hold hands in the shadows, to steal just one kiss ..... 127,000

http://archiveofourown.org/works/904969/chapters/1751305
Self!Harm  livejournal  RPS  Big!Bang  100000+  archiveofourown  Jared/Jensen  First!Time  Slash  Epic  RPS!AU  Bottom!Jared  post!Apocalypse  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Person-Chad!Michael!Murray  Person-Christian!Kane  Person-Danneel!Harris/Ackles 
july 2013 by chellexxx
Moonstar
Running on empty after a terrible job, desperate for a break,
the guys take on one more job that might be the one that finishes Dean
off for good.
57,804
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2949956/1/Moonstar
Long  50000+  fanfiction.net  sick!Dean  hurt!Dean  Big!Bang  Angst  Self!Harm  Season!1  Depression  livejournal  Motel/Hotel  Gen  SPN!Non-AU  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
july 2013 by chellexxx
Shangri-La
If Zachariah never freed Sam Wesson and Dean Smith from the
claustrophobic contrivance that was Sandover Bride & Iron Inc., what
might have become of them? 3,000
Emotionally!hurt  Self!Harm  Season!4  !Blood  1000+  livejournal  Angst  Gen  Alone/Separated  SPN!Non-AU  hurt!Sam  Short  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  AU!Season!4  Separated!Boys  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys  It's!a!Terrible!Life  Character-Bobby!Singer  Character-Castiel 
june 2013 by chellexxx
Hidden Truths
Set after the phone call with Dean in Season 7 episode 14 when
Dean asks Sam what in the world the clowns did to him. Sam has a secret
he's never told anyone, and when he sees a clown at Plucky's, his world
begins to spiral out of control. Warnings for self-harm and discussion
of past sexual abuse. Hurt/Limp!Sam Protective/BigBrother!Dean ...
20,330 http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8629699/1/Hidden-truths Sequel WIP
fanfiction.net  Season!7  PTSD  livejournal  !Clown  20000+  714  Non-Con  Gen  SPN!Non-AU  hurt!Sam  Long  Abused!Sam  Depraved!Humans  Self!Harm  Depression  Emotionally!hurt  Memories/Flashback  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  Angst  sick!Sam  Hidden!Illness/Injury  Abused  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
may 2013 by chellexxx
Guard Duty
Jensen's lifelong dream is finally coming true. He is a special
agent and is now on protection duty for the only son of the President
of the United States. Jared's got a drug problem and Jensen not only
needs to keep him alive from any outside threats but he also needs to
keep Jared alive from himself
65,160
pdf/mobi  Politics!Jared  Famous!Jared  Agent/Police!Jensen  Politics  50000+  Bodyguard  Self!Harm  drugged!Jared  RPS!Family  RPS  livejournal  Famous/notFamous  First!Time  Jared/Jensen  Slash  Long  RPS!AU  Bodyguard!Jensen  Agent/Police  One!Hates!The!Other!At!First  Person-Chad!Michael!Murray  Person-Christian!Kane  Person-Eric!Kripke  Person-Michael!Rosenbaum  Person-Tom!Welling  Person-Steve!Carlson 
january 2013 by chellexxx
Striving For the Light
Trying to fight the good fight just keeps getting more
complicated. It only gets worse when Sam and Dean have to infiltrate
another suspected Leviathan stronghold: a newly built holiday complex in
the Poconos; lakeside cabins and all the holiday entertainment you
could desire. The only thing is, its a couples only resort. The lines
between fantasy and reality are already blurred for Sam. He can only
struggle to keep up the pretence of normality for so long before he
breaks for good.
25,000
Case!fic  top!Sam  Big!Bang  archiveofourown  Self!Harm  Memories/Flashback  Dub-Con  livejournal  hurt!Sam  Emotionally!hurt  Angst  Pretend/Mistaken/Couple  Season!7  SPN!Non-AU  25000+  Sam/Dean  First!Time  Slash  Long  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Undercover/Secret!Identity 
august 2012 by chellexxx
Freak
Sam's method of grounding himself and keeping reality straight
is pain. Problem is, his hand has healed. So he's got to get creative. I
don't necessarily mean serious self-harm, just little things. But then
other people (hotel clerks, waitresses, etc) start noticing the creepy
tall guy who zones out, occasionally talks to air, and randomly pinches
or slaps himself. I don't imagine Dean would take to kindly to people
using words like 'freak' or 'psycho' behind Sam's back. Bonus points if
one day he snaps and tell them exactly the kind of monumental sacrifice
Sam made for the world that left him this way, even if it means they
think Dean is crazy too. 1,126
Hell  Memories/Flashback  PTSD  Diner/Restaurant  1000+  Outsider!POV  Season!7  Gen  livejournal  SPN!Non-AU  Short  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  Angst  Self!Harm  SPN 
march 2012 by chellexxx
Bury Me In Fire
People are dying mysteriously all over the Northeast and the
boys head there to investigate. They plod through the case, Dean
distracted by his memories of Hell, nightmares, shame, guilt, fear, a
bad stomach and a weird rash, Sam distracted by Dean's torment. Sam
wants to help Dean, but Dean just wants to sublimate his desperation
through work. As the case flounders, the brothers' relationship begins
to mutate. If they can just figure out what's going on, catch the
creature and kill it, fix Dean's body and heal his mind, and settle
things between them, things might actually be okay. Also, there's
comfort food, a perfect small town in Upstate New York, and maybe a
surprise or two.
32,000
First!Time  Depression  Torture  top!Sam  Angst  hurt!Dean  Big!Bang  Self!Harm  Non-Con  D/s  Case!fic  PTSD  livejournal  25000+  sick!Dean  Season!4  Sam/Dean  Slash  SPN!Non-AU  Long  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
february 2012 by chellexxx
A Good Man is Hard to Find
Dean keeps his word, and ramifications scatter like salt shot. Secrets, liquor, and bad things. Whump, angst, and banter.
102,000
pdf/mobi  Angst  sick!Dean  drugged!Dean  Case!fic  Self!Harm  hurt!Dean  livejournal  100000+  PTSD  Season!1  Gen  SPN!Non-AU  Epic  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
february 2012 by chellexxx
The Fall Will Probably Kill You
Set between 7.04 and the aftermath of 7.07. Dean is not as okay as he'd like you to think. Neither is Sam.
6,775
hurt!Sam  hurt!Dean  First!Time  Angst  5000+  Self!Harm  Depression  707  704  Season!7  archiveofourown  Sam/Dean  Slash  SPN!Non-AU  Short  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
february 2012 by chellexxx
In Absentia
Bobby may be gone, but he's still around to help Dean see what really matters.
4,779
Gen  Season!7  710  Self!Harm  1000+  fanfiction.net  SPN!Non-AU  hurt!Sam  Short  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Character-Bobby!Singer 
december 2011 by chellexxx
You Eat, You Get Sex...or A Trickster's Method For Behavioral Modification
Gabriel's been a member of Team Free Will for a couple weeks
when he notices something's wrong with Sam. He's not eating. Apparently
the detox didn't take and his cravings for demon blood have led to him
not eating anything. Gabriel decides that some behavior modification is
in order.
3,747
dreamwidth  Sam/Gabriel  First!Time  Self!Harm  guilty!Sam  Dub-Con  Season!5  1000+  Bottom!Sam  Slash  SPN!Non-AU  Short  SPN  Character-Gabriel/The!Tickster 
december 2011 by chellexxx
Into the Dark
They break Sam as a warning then give him back to his brother.
Dean will do anything to fix Sam but will he then risk everything for
revenge............... 20,000+ ...................
http://smash86.livejournal.com/1381.html
Amnesia!Sam  Self!Harm  Medical!Professional  Amnesia  Angst  Bottom!Sam  20000+  Sam/Dean  Torture  Non-Con  Abducted  livejournal  Slash  SPN!Non-AU  hurt!Sam  Long  Abducted!Sam  Depraved!Humans  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
october 2011 by chellexxx
In Your Warm Arms
If the apocalypse wasnt so close, Sam maybe never would have
done it, but he figured it was a now or never situation. Only thing is
he never stopped to think what would happen if Dean didnt feel the same.
4,797
hurt!Sam  Season!5  Angst  pining!Sam  Confession  Self!Harm  Sam/Dean  First!Time  Slash  SPN!Non-AU  livejournal  1000+  Short  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
september 2011 by chellexxx
What's A Boy to Do?
Dean is 15 and 16, Sam is 11 and 12. Dean is carrying far too
heavy a load and Sam just wants to help... but just how far is he
willing to go? Lots of angst and crying and hugging.
3,800
Prison/Jail  Caught  Sad  Self!Harm  hurt!Sam  Prostitution/Hustling  hurt!Dean  Weechesters  Angst  1000+  Gen  SPN!Non-AU  fanfiction.net  Pre-Series  Teenchesters  Short  Hooker!Sam  Absent!John  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
august 2011 by chellexxx
steps verse
Jared puts his life on hold to try and save the man he loves
from his demons. Will he succeed or will Jensen fall apart taking Jared
down with him? ... 72,354
pdf/mobi  Big!Bang  hurt!OC  First!Time  Self!Harm  drugged!Jensen  50000+  RPS  Jared/Jensen  RPS!Non-AU  Slash  Long  Addiction  Addict!Jensen  Person-Chad!Michael!Murray  Person-Christian!Kane  Person-Michael!Rosenbaum  Person-Tom!Welling  Person-Steve!Carlson  Person-Jeffrey!Dean!Morgan  archiveofourown  Angst  FLocked! 
july 2011 by chellexxx
Voices
Castiel has been watching Sam for a long time. Now that Castiel is here in person can he save Sam from himself?
8,491
Season!4  Sam/Castiel  Self!Harm  Memories/Flashback  5000+  fanfiction.net  Slash  SPN!Non-AU  Short  AU!Season!4  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Character-Castiel 
july 2011 by chellexxx
You Are Mine
Little Sammy is torn by his feelings for Dean and turns to
self-mutilation as an answer. Oneshot. Incest. Dean/Sam. Slightly OOC.
Bloodplay.
3,230
pining!Dean  Teenchesters  Pre-Series  Bottom!Sam  First!Time  Romance  Slash  Sam/Dean  Angst  Self!Harm  1000+  pining!Sam  SPN!Non-AU  fanfiction.net  hurt!Sam  Short  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
march 2011 by chellexxx
Keep Holding On
Sam's got a crush on his 17 year old brother. He knows it's
wrong, but he knows he can't help it either. Someone a very not-nice
someone at his school suspects something weird is going on with him and
does something about it. It all goes downhill.
13,281
Season!1  Bottom!Sam  Non-Con  pining!Sam  Bullies  10000+  !School  Teenchesters  Pre-Series  Angst  First!Time  Sam/Dean  Self!Harm  SPN!Non-AU  fanfiction.net  hurt!Sam  Short  Slash  Depraved!Humans  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
march 2011 by chellexxx
A Rope Ends It
Dean has his hands full trying to handle 16yr old Sam while
John is away. He finds that Sam is taking drugs, hanging out and having
sex with unknown men. The truth is that Sam is depressed because of his
unrequited love for Dean and is acting out Sam makes moves which Dean
deflects. Dean is in a quandry on how to get his brother back on course.
**This is the 1st part of 3 connected stories**
20,000+
Beaten  pining!Sam  Depression  20000+  Non-Con  D/s  Self!Harm  Prison/Jail  Emotionally!hurt  drugged!Sam  !School  Bullies  hurt!Sam  Bottom!Sam  Angst  Prostitution/Hustling  livejournal  First!Time  Sam/Dean  Slash  Teenchesters  Pre-Series  SPN!Non-AU  Long  Hooker!Sam  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  Depraved!Humans  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
december 2010 by chellexxx
Broken Glass and Bloody Fingers
People turn to drink and the comfort it brings them for many
reasons. Sorrow. Grief. Anger. Hatred. Depression. Despair. And Sam
Winchester turns to it for all the above reasons, and for one more -
he's a freak.
3,532
Season!3  1000+  Self!Harm  drunk!Sam  Emotionally!hurt  Depression  Angst  SPN!Non-AU  fanfiction.net  hurt!Sam  Gen  Short  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
december 2010 by chellexxx
Silence To Regrets
Sam trembled. A tear leaked from his eye and shivered down his
cheek. The reflection of light from one of the lamps along the pier
shimmered against the water, blinking up at him as he dropped his gaze
towards it. A light breeze passed through him, gentle apart from its
sting against his bones.
4,937
Gen  Season!4  Emotionally!hurt  Angst  Self!Harm  1000+  SPN!Non-AU  fanfiction.net  hurt!Sam  Short  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
november 2010 by chellexxx
Cut
Sam finds a new way to deal with his problems.
9,186
Season!1  Self!Harm  Angst  First!Time  Sam/Dean  Slash  5000+  SPN!Non-AU  fanfiction.net  hurt!Sam  Short  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
october 2010 by chellexxx
Emptiness and Razor Blades
Sam has a secret of the self destructive kind. When everything
falls apart, can Dean pull him out of the never ending black hole?
7,391
Emotionally!hurt  Gen  Angst  5000+  Self!Harm  SPN!Non-AU  fanfiction.net  hurt!Sam  Short  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
october 2010 by chellexxx
Sam's Flesh
Sam is falling into depression at the age of 15, how will Dean pull him away from cutting?
2,502
pining!Sam  1000+  fanfiction.net  Depression  Angst  Self!Harm  Sam/Dean  Pre-Series  Teenchesters  First!Time  SPN!Non-AU  Slash  Short  SPN 
august 2010 by chellexxx
A Secret Hell
Since moving to Cedar Rapids, Sam's life has spiraled out of
control. Will anyone be able to save Sam, when he can't save himself?
Involves sexual abuse, violence, self-harm, attempted suicide!
8,883
Angst  Teenchesters  Pre-Series  Self!Harm  Non-Con  !School  Teacher  guilty!Dean  asshole!John  5000+  SPN!Non-AU  Gen  fanfiction.net  hurt!Sam  Short  Abused!Sam  Hospital  Hospitalized!Boys  Depraved!Humans  Abused  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Character-John!Winchester  Character-Pastor!Jim 
august 2010 by chellexxx
These Scars I Hide
Sam hides scars from Dean until he finds them and asks where they are from. Read at your own risk!
2,361
Angst  1000+  Depression  Self!Harm  Season!1  SPN!Non-AU  Gen  fanfiction.net  hurt!Sam  Short  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
august 2010 by chellexxx
Broken
Sam tries to find a way out of his depression, unfortunately it's the wrong way
16,207
Emotionally!hurt  sick!Sam  Depression  Season!2  Angst  15000+  Self!Harm  drugged!Sam  SPN!Non-AU  Gen  fanfiction.net  hurt!Sam  Long  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
august 2010 by chellexxx
Altered State
Dean just wanted Sam to unwind - A night out ends in a disaster of a decidedly non-supernatural nature.
13,338
sick!Sam  Self!Harm  drugged!Sam  OFC  pining!OC  Teenchesters  Pre-Series  10000+  SPN!Non-AU  fanfiction.net  hurt!Sam  Gen  Short  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Character-John!Winchester 
august 2010 by chellexxx
Last Line To Hang On to
Sam falls apart and tries to kill himself because of the events
of the last few months. He doesn't want to go darkside, and believes he
will because of Dean's comment about it. Dean stops him and comforts
his younger brother.
1,600
Sequel
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5150287/1/All_the_Guilt_To_Let_Go_Of
Self!Harm  guilty!Sam  Season!4  Angst  1000+  SPN!Non-AU  Gen  fanfiction.net  hurt!Sam  Short  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
august 2010 by chellexxx
Standing in the way of control
Sam didn’t cut himself often, just when he was feeling lost and
helpless. Only on the days when he felt like a little kid again, when
he looked to Dean for comfort and Dean wasn’t there…
4,200
Stanford  Pre-Series  Emotionally!hurt  Sam/Dean  Sam/OMC  Season!1  Self!Harm  hurt!Sam  1000+  livejournal  Slash  SPN!Non-AU  Short  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
august 2010 by chellexxx
Long Time Coming
Jensen can't handle being around Jared anymore, not when his
feelings are so strong. So when hiatus starts and Jared notices Jensen
drawing away and acting strange can he find out what's happening in time
to save him? 45,125
35000+  Jared/Jensen  First!Time  hurt!Jensen  drugged!Jensen  Self!Harm  RPS  pining!Jensen  livejournal  RPS!Non-AU  Slash  Long  Addiction  Addict!Jensen  Angst  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Person-Christian!Kane  Person-Steve!Carlson  Person-Sandy!McCoy  Jared/Sandy 
august 2010 by chellexxx
In a Mirror Distorted and Indistinct
They keep calling him beautiful. Pretty. Come on. Look this
way. Give us a smile, Jensen. He smiles and blinks against the flashes,
fighting the urge to lower his eyes, to hide the blush burning under
layers of makeup. Sweat runs down his back, his hands tremble. Hes not
pretty, not beautiful. Hes small and weak and pathetic and one day
theyre all gonna figure it out. One day 36.800
Jared/Jensen  First!Time  hurt!Jensen  sick!Jensen  Self!Harm  35000+  RPS  livejournal  RPS!Non-AU  Slash  Long  Depraved!Humans  Homophobia  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
august 2010 by chellexxx
Bleeding Out, Put Me Back Together
Three days after being possessed, Sam's still seeing the blood on his hands and the black in his eyes.
6,289
Gen  Self!Harm  guilty!Sam  Season!2  5000+  fanfiction.net  SPN!Non-AU  Short  SPN  Born!Under!a!Bad!Sign  pdf/mobi 
august 2010 by chellexxx
Peer Pressure
What will you do to fit in? When Sam Winchester moves to a new
town, he is willing to do anything to make new friends and fit in.
Anything....
21,182
Sam/OFC  Shrink  !School  Self!Harm  Teenchesters  Pre-Series  20000+  drugged!Sam  Angst  SPN!Non-AU  fanfiction.net  hurt!Sam  Gen  Long  Hospital  Hospitalized!Boys  Depraved!Humans  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Character-John!Winchester 
august 2010 by chellexxx
Souvenirs you never lose
sam cuts so that he can feel better about the way he thinks about dean
3,958
pining!Sam  Emotionally!hurt  hurt!Sam  1000+  livejournal  Self!Harm  Angst  First!Time  Sam/Dean  Teenchesters  Pre-Series  SPN!Non-AU  Short  Slash  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
august 2010 by chellexxx
Heart Weary
Sam is tired. And defeated. And overwhelmed. His reaction to that? Not so good. .... 6,928
Angst  Season!4  hurt!Sam  fanfiction.net  Gen  5000+  Self!Harm  SPN!Non-AU  Short  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  It's!The!Great!Pumpkin!Sam!Winchester 
august 2010 by chellexxx
this night
Dean may not see it. Sam's perfected his mask over the years but hes falling deeper and deeper.
16,249
Gen  514  hurt!sam  Self!Harm  Depression  Season!5  15000+  fanfiction.net  SPN!Non-AU  asshole!Dean  Long  Hospitalized!Boys  Hospital  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
july 2010 by chellexxx

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