andrewducker + theonion   22

Investigators Determine Air France Disaster Caused By Plane Crash
"We can now say, with complete confidence, that Air France Flight 447 was brought down by an unscheduled and unforeseen plane crash," lead French investigator Michel Villon stated. "Indeed, a survey of all the evidence indicates that this terrible tragedy was the direct result of a large airliner falling suddenly from the sky, dropping 30,000 feet, and colliding with the Atlantic Ocean at extremely high speeds."

"This is devastating news, to say the least," Villon continued. "Hopefully our findings here will help bring some closure to the families most affected by this horrible event."
parody  funny  theonion 
july 2009 by andrewducker
Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job
In his new high-stress, low-reward position, Obama will be charged with such tasks as completely overhauling the nation's broken-down economy, repairing the crumbling infrastructure, and generally having to please more than 300 million Americans and cater to their every whim on a daily basis. As part of his duties, the black man will have to spend four to eight years cleaning up the messes other people left behind. The job comes with such intense scrutiny and so certain a guarantee of failure that only one other person even bothered applying for it. Said scholar and activist Mark L. Denton, "It just goes to show you that, in this country, a black man still can't catch a break."
politics  theonion  funny  obama 
november 2008 by andrewducker

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