Wait But Why -- The Procrastination Matrix
'And then there’s Quadrant 2. To a procrastinator, Quadrant 2 is a strange and foreign land, far, far away. Kind of like Atlantis, or Narnia. He knows it’s an important place, and he’s tried many times to go there, but there’s a big problem—the monkey is repulsed by it, and the Panic Monster isn’t concerned with it. And that’s the deadly combo that defeats the procrastinator every time. -- The reason this is disastrous is that the road to the procrastinator’s dreams—the road to expanding his horizons, exploring his true potential, and achieving work he’s truly proud of—runs directly through Quadrant 2. Q1 and Q3 may be where people survive, but Q2 is where people thrive, grow, and blossom. -- But if you’re a procrastinator, you’re in luck. You have an ace up your sleeve—someone daring and fearless, with bountiful energy and dynamic talent, and someone who can defeat the monkey like stepping on an ant: Future You. -- Future You is a procrastinator’s most important ally—someone who’s always there and always has your back, no matter what. I know all about this firsthand. Future Tim is an amazing guy. -- When my alarm goes off and I don’t want to wake up, I just press the snooze button, which doles out the job of getting out of bed to Future Tim instead. My to-do list has two parts—a short, easy one for me, and a long one, full of all the things I can’t imagine ever doing, because they’re so icky-seeming. Future Tim always handles that one, without a complaint. Future Tim also has no problem with even the vilest of social obligations. I was recently invited to attend a feedback-giving session for a three-hour-long play written by someone I barely know—I certainly had no intention of ever doing that, but I would also have felt guilty just saying no, so I explained that I have a busy couple months, but that I’d be more than happy to join when it happens again this summer, a time when it’ll be Future Tim’s problem, not mine. -- Future Tim also has a discipline and balance to his lifestyle I could only ever dream of. I’ve never been much of an exerciser—but Future Tim belongs to a gym and does all the jogging for both of us, and I love how into cooking healthy meals Future Tim is, because I personally don’t have the time. Future Tim is the kind of guy we all want to be like—I suggest getting to know him yourself, which you can do by buying his books, since he’s a prolific author. -- But the most important role Future Tim plays in my life brings us back to the Eisenhower Matrix. In a convenient stroke of fate, Future Tim happens to spend almost all of his time in the one place I can never seem to get to myself: the all-important Quadrant 2. Future Tim is Quadrant 2’s warden, and when I make a list of important to-do items and notice that most of them seem to land in Q2, I don’t have to despair, because I know Future Tim is on top of them. Which is good, considering how dire a situation Past Tim, that useless fuck, has often left me in. -- But for all of Future Tim’s virtues, he has one fatal flaw that kind of ruins everything: he doesn’t exist. -- It turns out that Future You is as much of a mirage as the monkey’s passion for a hobby. I banked on Future Tim’s real-world existence for my most important plans, but every time I’d finally arrive at a time when I thought I would find Future Tim, he was nowhere to be found—the only person there would be stupid Present Tim. That’s the thing that really sucks about Future You—whenever time finally gets to him, he’s not Future You anymore, he’s Present You, and Present You can’t do the tasks you assigned to Future You because those tasks can only be done by someone without a monkey. You assigned them to Future You in the first place because he doesn’t have a monkey—that was the whole point. So you do what you always do—you re-delegate them to Future You, hoping that next time time catches up with Future You, he actually exists.'
psychology  procrastination  anxiety  * 
3 days ago
Wait But Why -- How to Beat Procrastination
'...The first thing you must do is make it through the Critical Entrance. This means stopping whatever you’re doing when it’s time to begin the task, putting away all distractions, and getting started. It sounds simple, but this is the hardest part. This is where the Instant Gratification Monkey puts up his fiercest resistance: The monkey absolutely hates stopping something fun to start something hard, and this is where you need to be the strongest. If you can get started and force the monkey into the Dark Woods, you’ve broken a bit of his will. Of course, he’s not going to give up anytime soon. The Dark Woods is where you are when you’re working. It’s not a fun place to be, and the Instant Gratification Monkey wants nothing to do with it. To make things harder, the Dark Woods is surrounded by the Dark Playground, one of the monkey’s favorite places, and since he can see how close it is, he’ll try as hard as he can to leave the Dark Woods. -- There will also be times when you bump into a tree—maybe the jog is taking you on an uphill street, maybe you need to use an Excel formula you don’t know, maybe that song you’re writing just isn’t coming together the way you thought it would—and this is when the monkey will make his boldest attempt at an escape.'
procrastination  psychology  anxiety 
3 days ago
Wait But Why -- Why Procrastinators Procrastinate
'The Dark Playground is a place every procrastinator knows well. It’s a place where leisure activities happen at times when leisure activities are not supposed to be happening. The fun you have in the Dark Playground isn’t actually fun because it’s completely unearned and the air is filled with guilt, anxiety, self-hatred, and dread. Sometimes the Rational Decision-Maker puts his foot down and refuses to let you waste time doing normal leisure things, and since the Instant Gratification Monkey sure as hell isn’t gonna let you work, you find yourself in a bizarre purgatory of weird activities where everyone loses. And the poor Rational Decision-Maker just mopes, trying to figure out how he let the human he’s supposed to be in charge of end up here again. -- As it turns out, there’s one thing that scares the shit out of the Instant Gratification Monkey: The Panic Monster.'
procrastination  psychology  anxiety 
3 days ago
Telegraph -- Contraception: Male Pill is coming and it's going to change everything
'Vasalgel is essentially a polymer that’s injected under local anesthetic into the man’s sperm-carrying tubes, accessible through the scrotum — not in his penis or testicles as some authors have erred. It works by blocking sperm and is expected to be reversible through a second injection that dissolves the polymer.' -- 'Vasalgel is currently undergoing animal testing, product qualification and safety testing. Human trials are expected to start in 2016 (small trial) and 2017 (larger trials). If everything goes well and with enough public support, we hope to get Vasalgel on the market as early as 2018.' -- http://www.parsemusfoundation.org/vasalgel-faqs/
men  contraception 
4 days ago
Roads & Kingdoms -- The Lonely End
'First, there was the smell, a thick, noxious sweetness oozing from beneath the door frame. Second, there was the sight, the shape of a mortally slumped corpse beneath urine-soaked bedsheets. Third, there was the reality: Suzuki had come to collect his dues but had instead found his tenant’s dead body. -- Disgusted, angry, but mostly shocked that this could happen to him, the landlord rang the police. The police came; they investigated with procedural dispassion and declared the death unsuspicious. This wasn’t suicide in the traditional sense, they said, but it did seem that the deceased had wanted to die. They’d seen it before, and it was an increasingly common occurrence throughout Japan: a single man dying, essentially, from loneliness. -- In Japan, the traditional three-generational structure of the home is breaking down, as space in the big cities decreases and the costs of maintaining longer-living relatives rises. Yasuyuki Fukukawa, a psychologist at Waseda University in Tokyo, believes that the aging population is now “beyond the capacities of family care.” Today, 1 in 5 Japanese is over the age of 65. Private health care is expensive, and there is a shortage of state-provided facilities for the elderly: Some 420,000 senior citizens are waiting for beds in nursing homes. Those who cannot find or afford help do not wish to burden other family members, who may not live nearby and may be struggling themselves. As a result, they choose to live alone, where, unable to access the level of assistance they need, they often die undignified deaths. -- “Some people die of starvation, because they just don’t feed themselves,” Koremura tells me. “Some freeze to death during the winter because they cannot afford the heating and are too stubborn to ask for help. Others just die of an underlying health problem and are too far away from help to be noticed.” -- “Kodokushi is not just a problem among the elderly. It is also a problem among younger people,” he tells me. According to the Japanese government there are some 700,000 hikikomori in Japan, young people who are completely isolated and afraid to reintegrate into society. Yuichi Hattori, a psychologist specialising in the treatment of shut-ins, argues that these people will increase the numbers of kodokushi deaths in the future. Mental illness is still a taboo subject in Japan, and those affected by it stand to face social stigma if they try to seek help. As Hattori argues, they will stay in their rooms, suffer in silence, and will die alone when their parents are no longer there to help them. -- Koremura is trying to work with local government and gives the families of victims all the support his position allows. He is aware that his company is not a solution to the problem but a pragmatic response to it. He feels like he’s doing a good thing, that he’s performing a service that not many others would perform. For Koremura, the dead deserve to have their life put in order. It’s not just a physical or financial thing, he assures me—it’s also spiritual. “When the apartment is finally emptied, it is as if a weight has been lifted, as if the dead person leaves with all his possessions,” he insists. “All my men feel it too.”'
japan  family  hikikomori  shame  loneliness  aloneness  death 
4 days ago
Freedomain Radio -- #2706: Feminist Death Threats: The Anti-Equality Revolution - A Conversation with Erin Pizzey (MP3)
"In 1982 when 'Prone to Violence' was published, I had to have a police escort outside The Savoy where I was at a luncheon...the pickets all arrived, many many women with these big banners saying 'All men are rapists and bastards'...and I went down to the police and just said to them, 'If that [hatred where aimed exclusively at] Jews or black men, you'd arrest them all. But because it's *all* men...' And he just looked at me and he laughed and he said, 'We're frightened of them.' 'No, you're not; you just think it's funny.'" -- Behold, I teach you the Apexman! Otherman is some thing to be overcome. What have you done to overcome him?
history  feminism  men  apexuality  Nietzsche 
4 days ago
YouTube -- [Alain de Botton]: Soren Kierkegaard
"Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it , you will regret it either way; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it; believe a woman or believe her not, you will regret it either way; believing a woman or not believing her, you will regret it both ways. Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy."
philosophy  existentialism  regret  absurd  Kierkegaard  quotes 
4 days ago
Psychotherapy.net -- Allan Schore on the Science of Psychotherapy
'The first person to bring up the idea that all language is not only in the left hemisphere, just for the record, was Freud in 1891 in On Aphasia, which still is studied by neurologists. But the idea that everything that is verbal has to, by definition, reside in the left brain is still held by many people. Current neuroscience shows this is not the case. The right also has language. The right stores our own names, and processes emotional words. Prosody, the emotional tone of the voice, is right lateralized, as well as novel metaphors, and making thematic inferences. So when a patient all of a sudden is in an emotional state and is using an emotional word, the right is tracking that also. Right hemispheric language creates the intimate feeling of “being with.” -- And humor is known to be more right brain? -- Absolutely! -- And it kind of “wakes up” our left brain with recognition? -- Yes. Because the processing of what is familiar is left and the processing of novelty is right. Essentially we’re looking for, not the bottom line preexisting truth, but for the ability to process novelty, especially novelty in social emotional interactions. And for many patients intimacy is novelty. So, yes, anything that is new pops into the right brain first, and you actually get bursts of noradrenaline in the right hemisphere, the hemisphere that is dominant for attention. In fact, I’m now citing studies which indicate that the highest levels of human cognition—the “aha” moment of insight, intuition, creativity, indeed love, are all expressions of the right and not left brain. -- It’s in the right, but we don’t know about it until it shows up in the left. The right brain lets us know what’s actually going on, especially in the body, and in the deeper core of the self. -- Correct. Essentially, the left has the illusion that it has just discovered something new, but the truth of it is the right has discovered it, and now the left is putting into words what the right just found out about the self, especially in relation to other self systems. My colleague Darcia Narvaez is showing that morality is also a very high right brain process. A body of research indicates that the right is dominant for affiliation, the left for power. -- This gets into some of the matters that Jung and others were talking about— these very high symbolic mechanisms are in the right hemisphere. Here’s another example of how neuroscience has changed our ideas about the human experience. It used to be thought that all symbolic processes are a product of the verbal left brain, so the goal was to get the patient to use words, and once there was conscious verbalization, then the patient can understand, and then the unconscious becomes conscious and change occurs. We’re now saying that’s not quite the case. The ultimate expression of the right brain is a conscious emotion. The ultimate expression of the left brain is a conscious thought. -- Becoming aware of our bodily-based emotions is more essential than becoming aware of our thoughts.' --- 'In my most recent writings I’ve focused on the essential role of these repairs in re-enactments of attachment trauma, which really is at the heart of the therapeutic change mechanism. I’m describing how both patient and therapist co-construct both the rupture and the repair, and that these ruptures are not technical mistakes, but literally -- —the universal disappointments that are part of human relationships, and the repairs being the paths of healing? -- Beautifully put. Enactments represent communications of previous ruptures that triggered negative affects so intense and so painful that they were dissociated and banished from consciousness. As the therapy progresses and the attachment bond in the therapeutic alliance strengthens, there is enough safety for the patient to dis-assemble the dissociative defenses and let the affects come online more frequently. And then, what has been buried and packed down underneath dissociation surges into bodily awareness in the presence of a regulating other, now offering a possibility of interactive repair. Jung, who studied dissociation, described how the enduring emotional impact of childhood trauma “remains hidden all along from the patient, so that not reaching consciousness, the emotion never wears itself out, it is never used up.” He also stated the trauma may suddenly return: “it forces itself tyrannically upon the conscious mind. The explosion of affect is a complete invasion of the individual. It pounces upon him like an enemy or a wild animal.” -- In my model of “relational trauma” I’ve suggested that it’s not just misattunements that lead to the traumatic predisposition. It’s also the lack of the repair, and that repair and interactive regulation requires a very personal, authentic response on the part of the therapist. Attachment trauma was originally relational, and so the healing must be relational, a mutual process. In Sullivan’s words, the therapist is not neutral and detached, but a “participant observer.” -- ...a certain form of mindfulness, including a bodily awareness, must take place in a relational context. The idea being that there are certain parts of the self that cannot be discovered, that cannot come into awareness, unless they are being mirrored by another human being. -- So there may be feelings that you are not going to fully experience until you see them mirrored in a reciprocal emotional interaction. -- Exactly. One of the central concepts that I’ve written about is resonance. In physics, a property of resonance is the tendency of one resonance system to enlarge and amplify through matching the resonance frequency pattern of another resonance system. In psychology, a state of resonance exists when one person’s subjectivity is empathically attuned to another’s inner state, and this resonance then interactively amplifies, in both intensity and duration, the affective state in both members of the dyad. This resonance can occur rapidly at levels beneath conscious awareness, and it generates what has been called “a third subjectivity.” For example, in mutual play states dyadic resonance ultimately permits the inter-coordination of positive affective brain states, shared joy, which increase curiosity and exploration. -- Can you discuss the variability of people in terms of quiet versus very active internal experiences—either auditory and verbal, some other form of thought, or visually active consciousness in contrast to people who have a naturally occurring or developed quiet mind? -- Sure. The first thing that comes to mind is what has been termed as “the quiet alert state.” This is the flexible state that the mother accesses to pick up her infant’s varying emotional expressions. It’s associated with a state of autonomic balance between the energy expending sympathetic and energy conserving parasympathetic branches of the autonomic nervous system. Within attachment communications the caregiver sets the ranges of arousal, the set points of the infant’s resting quiet alert state. It’s relationally tuned, and later affects the individual brain’s default state. In other words, regulation is the key to the quiet mind. -- But I’m also thinking about right and left hemispheric balance, and individual differences in “hemisphericity.” For example, in a resting state greater right hemisphericity is associated with a history of more frequent negative affect, lower self esteem and difficulties in affect regulation. Greater left hemisphericity, on the other hand, is associated with heavy inhibition of the right brain, repression of emotions, and over-regulation of disturbances. Consciousness is dominated by continuous left brain chatter, and thereby an inability to be emotionally present, to be “in the moment.” There are individuals for whom that chatter is always so intense, so continuous, and even so loud they cannot quietly be with themselves. They can’t tolerate internal silence, and so they can’t monitor what’s coming from the body and from deeper strata of the unconscious. They’re always in a state of “doing” rather than “being.” -- And they have difficulty experiencing their bodies and can’t even tell you what they’re sensing, or maybe even how they’re feeling because it’s just pure thought. -- Right. When it comes to emotion and emotion dysregulation, for a long time people were thinking only about under-regulation, that the emotions are so powerful and so strong that they interfere with the logical and rational capacities of the left hemisphere. But there is also another problematic state—where it’s over-regulated. In that case the person is habitually packing down emotions, out of awareness, and whose left hemisphere is so dominant that it’s always “in control.” They “live in the left,” and use words to move away from affect. They’re talking about rather than experiencing emotion, from the other side of the callosal divide, not actually allowing themselves to disinhibit the right and to feel what is in the body. And yet, “the body keeps the score.” In the most extreme cases they’re dissociative and alexithymic. -- These are patients who use words in order not to feel; they are over-inhibited and susceptible to over-regulation disturbances. Think about overly rational, insecure, avoidant personalities who overemphasize verbal cognition and dismiss emotion. Returning to our earlier discussions of recent changes in the science of affect, dysregulation can be either under-regulation or over-regulation, an avoidance strategy versus an anxious strategy.' -- 'I wonder if you would agree with a quote from Kierkegaard when he said "perfect love is learning to love the very one that has made you unhappy.” Does that resonate with you at all? -- Absolutely the case. -- Anything that you would modify? -- In my recent lectures I’m describing the interpersonal neurobiological emergence of mutual love between the mother and … [more]
psychology  psychotherapy  attachment  affectregulation  relationships  play  brain  body  unconscious  AllanSchore 
5 days ago
Vivian Broughton -- Thoughts from Dr Bessel van der Kolk’s latest book in relation to Ruppert’s MGPT theory
'...high stress = fight or flight; trauma = collapse and fragmentation... -- High stress is a highly mobilised state with the reaction of ‘fight or flight’. This is easily understandable in the sense that in order to fight or run away in the face of threat we do need enormous amounts of energy, so the psychophysical system secretes strong energising chemicals to support this reaction. High stress is just that; not the daily stress of life, but the stress of an extremely stressful situation; we can think of it as the highest stress we can manage as a limited psychophysical being. -- Trauma on the other hand is a state of collapse, of resignation, an extremely low-energy state where the psychophysical organism has shut off all energising secretions in order to maintain as best it can it’s existence. It comes into play when the high stress strategy fails; fight or flight has not been possible, and the person is completely and utterly helpless. -- The trauma state response is collapse, a freezing or deadness, and fragmentation. Fragmentation is part of the organism’s attempt to maintain some integrity in the face of overwhelming forces, and in order for this to be achieved something has to be lost, has to be sacrificed, and that is unity; The intolerable experience of the situation is split off from the self. This happens physically where the trauma effect is numbed into one part of the body… body-workers such as cranial osteopaths, zero-balancers, sensitive chiropractors, know this and I have had many tell me of their experiences of such phenomena in their patients. It also happens with the psyche where the intolerable and unmanageable emotional experience is split off through dissociation… literally the mind dissociates from the experience. This splitting then, according to Franz Ruppert’s theory, becomes structural over time, evidenced in our multitude of daily behaviours and attitudes of control, avoidance, denial, distraction and compensation (for the numbed out emotional state). -- In my view this provides a very clear understanding of the two states: high stress = fight or flight; trauma = collapse and fragmentation. This distinction I think is very helpful in understanding as practitioners what exactly we are dealing with. In this definition theoretically one can recover our homeostatic equilibrium from high stress; but once the splitting has happened in the trauma state there is effectively no return… the damage so to speak is done, and since the survival avoidance instinct in us is so strong we consistently come up against a wall, the wall in us that says “we do not go there”. The therapeutic work in this case is different.'
psychology  stress  trauma 
7 days ago
Evolution Counseling -- Symbolic Death
'“To die is poignantly bitter, but the idea of having to die without having lived is unbearable.” ~ Erich Fromm -- As Nietzsche put it, “No one can construct for you the bridge upon which precisely you must cross the stream of life, no one but you yourself alone.” Dying without having lived means walking across the wrong bridge, allowing our choices to be dictated by what others demand of us rather than what we demand of ourselves, and the resulting situation is unbearable, it’s unbearable because we realize we never really lived, our human existence was just a shadow of what it was supposed to be.'
psychology  existentialism  death 
11 days ago
Aeon Video -- Kurzgesagt: What is life? Is death real?
'What is life? Is death real? What separates living things from everything else? From AI to viruses, the line is fuzzier than we might expect.' -- "Maybe life is information that manages to ensure its continued existence."
life  information  #processing 
11 days ago
ROUGH TYPE -- Media takes command
'When the medium of the map was transferred from paper to software, the map gained the ability to speak to us, to give us commands. With Google Maps or an in-dash GPS system, we no longer have to look at a map and plot out a route for ourselves; the map assumes that work. We become the actuators of the map’s instructions: the assistants who, on the software’s command, turn the wheel. You might even say that our role becomes that of a robotic apparatus controlled by the medium. -- So, having earlier subsumed the knower, the map now begins to subsume the doer. The medium becomes the actor. -- What we see emerging as media takes command is a cycle of dependency. As we come to rely on software to do things for us, we are relieved of the difficult work and pressing challenges necessary for skill-building. We experience deskilling, which makes us even more dependent on the software. And the cycle takes another turn. Because the media of software is invisible to us, a black box that both knows and does without disclosing its workings to us, we also become subject to manipulation as we become more dependent on the technology. Economic and cultural power accrues to the programmers, to the people who control the media.'
media  automation  augmentationistsvsimmersionists 
11 days ago
The Blackdragon Blog -- Men Are Against Men Too [Kryptokate]
Comment: Kryptokate: 'Men are certainly their own worst enemy. I can’t think of a time that I’ve ever seen men band together to advance their collective interests the way that women occasionally do. -- I can’t count how many times I’ve heard a man say “I can’t stand [fill in the blank of a group of people — hipsters, white people, religious people, people from New Jersey, whatever] people, they’re the worst. But the women aren’t too bad. I don’t mind them so much.” Most men do NOT like other men who aren’t in their tribe. -- Almost all men men also vastly overestimate and exaggerate in their own minds the level of aggression that “other” men enact towards women. Most men think of “other” men (i.e. not their friends and family) as dangerous and untrustworthy and with bad intentions, like all other men are potential rapists. Guys will warn other men to stay away from their daughters/dates/sisters/friends, under some kind of delusion that there are tons of rapists out there, when really it is the women’s choice when they decide to hook up with these men 99.999% of the time, and truly involuntary sex is vanishingly rare. But I think men are even more paranoid and willing to believe melodramatic stories about the likelihood of rape than women. -- Most men also vastly underestimate how passive, submissive, sweet, caring, non-aggressive, and generally considerate and kind other men actually are to the women they are with or trying to get with. Because don’t admit their submissive or non-alpha behavior to other men, and generally only do it in private. They don’t admit to other men when they feel like a woman uses them for sex, or dumps them, or anything else that doesn’t feel “masculine” to them. They will tell women these things, but not other men, so guys often have a very skewed idea of how beta other guys are. -- This is why guys say things like “women love jerks”…because they don’t realize that the supposed “jerk”, who may act dominant and asshole-ish with other guys, is a super sweet puppy dog who cries and writes love poetry when he’s with women. Getting laid a lot does not make one a jerk, and I guarantee that any guy who gets lots of women is NOT being rude or mean when he’s with them. -- The fact that men have a seemingly ingrained suspicion and bias against other men allows women to manipulate men easily and gain their sympathy and assistance. I have a hard time believing a lot of rape claims, and that’s because unless one is truly isolated or incapacitated, there are always 50 men willing to come to your rescue for every 1 man who is truly willing to attack you. -- So women manipulate and take advantage of male mistrust/dislike for each other. But male dislike for each other is the primary culprit behind most of men’s problems, not the women who then manipulate it to their advantage. BD is right that men could *easily* get rid of most the the problems they complain about if they just collectively decided to do so. Most prefer to compete with each other and then engage in indignation-masturbation sessions with straw-men enemies. -- The manosphere points the arrow of blame at women because it knows that it’s audience can’t handle the truth since they’re afraid of their real enemy. Women are weaker and men can still believe they might beat them. If they have to face their real enemy (other men), they can’t deal with it. Just look at how common racism, anti-Semitism, and paranoid delusions about the illuminati are on most manosphere sites like Roosh’s…just shows how deep down those guys are petrified of other men.'
men  women  apexuality 
11 days ago
Mean Girls – Realities of Relational Aggression (PDF)
'Adolescent social structures can be very complex and sophisticated. Within the hierarchy of relationships, some roles have been identified as being prevalent in most group situations. While the names may be different, the roles are the same. Within the group, roles and positions are not static, they can change frequently. The roles are: Queen, Sidekick, Gossip, Floater, Torn Bystander, Wannabee and Target -- #The Queen: Her friends do what she wants; She’s not intimidated by other girls; She can be charming to adults; She’s manipulatively affectionate; She won’t take responsibility for hurting another’s feelings; Defines right and wrong by the loyalty or disloyalty around her -- #The Sidekick: Feels the Queen is the authority tells her how to dress, think, feel, etc; Allows herself to be pushed around by the Queen; Will lie for Queen; The Sidekick rarely expresses her personal opinions; Her power depends on the confidence she gains from the Queen -- #The Gossip: Extremely secretive; Seems to be friends with everyone; Good communicator - gives the impression of listening and being trustworthy; Seemingly nice, but uses confidential information to improve her position; Seems harmless, but in truth is intimidating; Rarely excluded from the group; The gossip tends to get girls to trust her because when she gets information, it doesn’t seem like gossip; She gets girls to confide in her and then may casually mention information in a conversation; Once girls figure out what she’s doing, they don’t trust her -- #The Floater: Moves freely among groups; Doesn’t want to exclude people; Avoids conflicts; More likely to have higher self esteem, as her sense of self isn’t based on one group; Not competitive; The floater usually has some protective characteristics that help her to avoid other’s cruelty; She may be pretty, but not too pretty, nice, but not too sophisticated; People genuinely like the floater; She may actually stand up to the Queen and she may have some of the same power as the Queen; However, the floater doesn’t gain anything by creating conflict and insecurity as the Queen does -- #Bystander: Often finds herself having to choose between friends; Accommodating; Peacemaker - wants everyone to get along; Doesn’t stand up to anyone she has conflict with - goes along to get along; The bystander may be conflicted with doing the right thing and her allegiance to the group; She often apologizes for Queen’s behavior, but she knows it is wrong; The bystander may miss out on activities because she’s afraid her friends will make fun of her; She may even hide her accomplishments, particularly academically, to fit into the group - #The Wannabee - Other girls’ opinions and wants are more important than hers; She can’t tell the difference between what she wants and what the group wants; Desperate for the “right” look (clothes, hair, etc.); Feels better about herself when others come to her for help, advice; Loves to gossip phone and email are vital to her; The wannabee will do anything to be in the inner circle of the Queen and sidekick; The wannabee often gets stuck doing the dirty work of the Queen and sidekick; She may be dropped if she is seen as trying too hard to fit in. -- #The Target – Helpless to stop other girls’ behavior; Feels excluded and isolated; Masks hurt feelings by rejecting people first; Feels vulnerable and humiliated and may be tempted to change to fit in; The target is the victim of the group; Girls outside the group may tend to become targets just because they’ve challenged the group or because their style is different or not accepted by the group; The target may develop objectivity, which may help her see the costs of fitting in and decide she’s better off outside of the group; She may choose her “loser” group, and know who her true friends are'
psychology  women  relationalaggression  passiveaggression  power  gossip  status  groups  hierarchy  ostracism 
15 days ago
The Blackdragon Blog -- Long Distance Relationships [Kryptokate]
Comment: Kryptokate: '...nothing kills sexual attraction faster than living together or seeing each other all the time, and my preference is to only see a man I’m involved with on the weekends. During the week, texting is sufficient and then weekends are for sex. I’ve successfully extended relationships this way, but the problem is that as a general rule, most people won’t go for this. Men think because they like fucking me, fucking me every day would be even better and they want to hang out all the time. They never seem to understand that the more we fuck and see each other, the less interesting it will be and the less we’ll want to. It’s as if everyone is in a race with themselves to see just how quickly they can choke all the eroticism out of their relationships. No one else seems to appreciate the value of building up enough time apart to miss each other or maybe even pine for each other. -- ... The stuff about military deployment is brutal and depressing. There’s a girl who works at my firm whose husband is deployed and all the men I work with flirt with her and try to pick her up, despite the fact that she is chubby and only moderately attractive. The thing is, a woman with a deployed man is even *more* attractive to guys because they view her as offering zero sexual competition. If her husband is deployed, she’s technically off the market and not looking. Yet her man is thousands of miles away and can’t kick anyone’s ass or block her vagina. So really this is the perfect opportunity for guys. If a guy is deployed, his girl is going to get 10 times the sexual advances as she would if she were single bc men think she’s not actively searching and evaluating/judging them, and not looking for a baby-daddy. And she’s going to get 1000 times the advances as she would if her man were home and other men knew they’d get their asses kicked for hitting on her. So military guys are screwed. And it’s even more fucked up because most men wouldn’t be willing to risk their lives and go fight in foreign lands in the first place if they didn’t think they were protecting and defending their woman and child(ren). Horrible. -- The men in charge are effectuating the ultimate fuck-over on military guys: convincing them to go risk their necks for their supposed families and alleged glory while the dudes in charge stay home, profit off the war, and fuck their wives while they’re gone. It makes sense in a society where we are actually being attacked and have to defend ourselves or die, but that has never been the situation in the US. And it’s quite amazing that anyone can be convinced to fight a war overseas while their “commander” stays at home golfing and polishing his shoes rather than leading the battle. I’m pretty sure this is why old Mormon patriarchs have always sent their young men on two year foreign missions as well. Gotta get rid of the strongest young studs who would otherwise take the pretty girls. If 55 year old women could somehow figure out a plan to get rid of all the pretty young girls by sending them to foreign countries to get killed, perhaps they’d do the same. So I guess that’s a good example showing that as a group, men are both dumber and smarter at the extremes than women.'
men  women  relationships 
16 days ago
The Blackdragon Blog -- Ignore What Women SAY - Only Watch What They DO [Kryptokate]
Comment: Kryptokate: '...this idea that women get to change their minds, and men don’t, is nonsense. Everyone changes their minds. On a daily basis. And everyone gets upset at others for behaving in ways that are inconsistent and unpredictable. My own adaptability and ability to change to fit the circumstances is in my best interest, but predictability and constancy on the part of everyone else is also in my best interest, so naturally we all value consistency in others more than in ourselves. -- If you know women who claim to have this privilege while denying it to men, they are either dumbasses or playing you for a sucker. Because that’s just a BS way for a woman to try to avoid accountability or facing consequences, while making sure that everyone else is accountable. And frankly, it’s male naivety in believing that women are somehow so fundamentally different as to be inexplicable aliens that fuels men believing in that kind of silly explanation. -- ...Often a guy that makes me aroused and turned on and excited about him today will literally make me feel disgusted and repulsed to think about sexually a year later. And that’s pretty common for women. I don’t think men are as prone to sexual repulsion but they certainly get bored of what had them firing on all cylinders a month or a year ago. And people’s romantic feelings are all over the map…they declare undying love for people they barely remember a few years later, they suddenly fall for someone they didn’t notice before, they marry their “soulmate” and divorce their worst enemy, etc. -- So, given that romantic/sexual feelings are so incredibly subject to wild fluctuations, it’s no coincidence that this is the one area where people are most interested in locking everyone else down, verifying their status, and mandating that they stay consistent and not change their minds. This where people display the most insecurity and desperation to disallow others from being unpredictable — you said today you felt this! How dare you feel something different another day! And I swear that most men would be entirely in favor of a public sex registry where every woman had to publicly register every male she sleeps with so that everyone can know exactly who is sleeping with whom establish the accurate status of everyone’s else’s sex life. -- Love is also the area where people carry on with ridiculous, over-the-top demonstrations of how committed they are today to not changing their mind later (i.e. a wedding). People don’t require this kind of demonstration for virtually anything else because they know the chances of changing one’s mind aren’t that high. But people know, deep down in a primal sense if not consciously, that everyone is unpredictable, inconsistent, and unreliable in the arena of romantic love, and that’s why you get demands for commitments regarding future behavior, out of control insecurity and paranoia, and ridiculous dramatic demonstrations of one’s alleged constancy. None of which would be necessary if people were naturally prone to being reliable and consistent in love, and none of which manage to prevent people from later changing their minds anyway. Societies have enacted every possible punishment to prevent inconsistency in love…banishment, public humiliation, financial or reputational ruin, even public execution or permitted murder…and it STILL doesn’t prevent everyone from “changing their minds.”'
men  women  relationships  control 
16 days ago
YouTube -- RussiaToday: Rising Demand: Male escort market triples in Britain
"With younger women, it's about the power dynamic: I'm paying you because I can."
men  women  sexuality 
16 days ago
The Blackdragon Blog -- The Only 9 Options for Men as They Age [Kryptokate]
Comment: Kryptokate: ' Two questions: #1. Why is it that people should get “lonely” when they’re older if they’re single? -- If they’re not lonely when they’re younger, why be lonely later? This isn’t just about one’s declining sex appeal as they get older, because that will happen whether or not you’re in a relationship, so I don’t see how that’s relevant. Why is it better to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to fuck you anymore than to be single and no one wants to fuck you anymore? And as far as companionship, can’t one enjoy their friends? -- I don’t think anyone truly wants to “settle down”. That desire is more a fear that no one else will be left because *everyone else* is pairing up. It’s a fear based on being the last one without a chair when the music stops, not an affirmative desire to claim a chair. But if no one was living with their sex partner(s), then this wouldn’t be an issue in the first place and I think this fear would go away. -- I just don’t understand why friendship gets totally devalued in our society, once one is out of their 20s. It’s pretty well proven in the psychological literature that people enjoy time spent with their friends more than just about anything else, and certainly more than time spent with their kids or spouse. So why abandon the importance of friendships at age 30 and then get all supposedly “lonely” when everyone could decide to keep those friendships going and then there’s no reason to be lonely. Sex is a separate issue, and again, long-term relationships don’t solve that issue so premising the argument on that doesn’t even make sense. -- Besides, even if someone DID actually have a long, happy, monogamous relationship, eventually one of you is going to die and the other may easily live for another 10 or 20 years. But you get to have more than one friend, and you can always make new ones. And friendships aren’t subject to the same unreliable whims as romantic relationships. -- I really think people need to just get over the idea of domestic/living/financial arrangements being entwined with romantic/sexual arrangements. That was a necessity in the past. It isn’t anymore. The minority of people who like to live alone should live alone. And everyone else should live with their friends, since it is easy to maintain long, stable friendships over decades, much easier than maintaining sexual attraction and romantic love. This seems like the obvious solution. I get that it isn’t acceptable yet and may be hard to convince a woman to go this route but I predict this will be the way people live in the future once they get over the idea that sex and domesticity should be related. -- It seems that a lot of people don’t trust that they’ll be able to keep friends. Which makes me think that they don’t trust themselves to be likeable people that someone would actually choose to spend time with. They’d rather the security of knowing that someone is forced to care about them because of blood or marriage, rather than the insecurity of knowing they have to be an enjoyable person so that others will choose to care about them. -- #2. Why don’t people have kids with someone that they think would be a good parent, and who they work well with, but never be in a romantic relationship or live together in the first place? -- Most people are going to end up divorced with split custody anyway. So why not just start out that way? Pick your co-parent on the basis of actual good parenting ability rather than sexual attraction. This would be much more rational, and if you and your co-parent never lived together, the kid wouldn’t go through the trauma of a family break-up. I never wanted kids, but if I DID, this seems like the best way to go. Besides, the worst thing about parenting is that it’s 24-7 365 days a year. If you always lived separately from your co-parent, then you both get necessary breaks because the kid isn’t always with you. Sometimes the kid lives with mom, sometimes with dad, and both mom and dad like and respect each other and get along well and are mutually devoted to loving and raising the kid well. Pick someone based on their parenting attributes, shared values, good genes, and ability to work well with your parenting style. Then draw up a child-rearing agreement, get pregnant the old-fashioned way or through artificial means, and have the kid and raise it separately. Just don’t get involved romantically in the first place. Romance is just a biological trick to get you to raise kids with someone anyway, so why not act directly by making a deliberate choice of your co-parent rather than letting your hormones make child-rearing decisions for you? -- Again, I realize this isn’t yet acceptable or feasible, but it seems like the most rational way to go about things and I can see it happening in the future. It’s just a pre-emptive divorce with a much more solid basis for picking the parent of your child(ren). -- Also, I know I’m way out of line with most people’s thinking and admittedly, I’m about as anti-family-values as they come. I never personally found family to be enjoyable. It’s a bunch of people you wouldn’t pick to be friends with if you had the choice (unless you luck out). I’ve always preferred friends. And I don’t get why people at a certain age become so intent on abandoning the people they actually like in order to become duty-bound and obligated to a bunch of people they either don’t like (in-laws) or might not like (kids they haven’t met yet) or will eventually not like as much once the sexual attraction dies down (spouse).'
men  women  relationships  epicureanism  parenting 
16 days ago
YouTube -- The School of Life: Philosophy: Epicurus
'This Greek philosopher, one of our favourites, spent his life arriving at fascinating answers to the largest puzzle there is: What makes people happy?'
philosophy  epicureanism  happiness 
16 days ago
The Rational Male -- The Feminine Mystique
'Perhaps the single most useful tool women have possessed for centuries is their unknowablity. I made that word up, but it’s applicable; women of all generations for hundreds of years have cultivated this sense of being unknowable, random or in worse case fickle or ambiguous. This is the feminine mystique and it goes hand in hand with the feminine prerogative – a woman always reserves the right to change her mind – and the (mythical) feminine intuition – “a woman just knows.” While a Man can never be respected for anything less than being forthright and resolute – say what you mean, mean what you say – women are rewarded and reinforced by society for being elusive and, dare I say, seemingly irrational. In fact, if done with the right art, it’s exactly this elusiveness that makes her both desirable and intolerably frustrating. However, to pull this off she must be (or seem to be) unknowable, and encourage all of male society to believe so. -- The feminine mystique appeals to the feminine psyche for the same reasons ‘chick crack’ works so well in PUA technique. It appeals to the same ‘secret power’ dynamic that makes meta-physical associations so attractive (religion, superstition, intuition, etc.) One need look no further than women’s innate love of gossip to understand; There’s power in secrets for women. It’s hardly a surprise that connections with witchcraft have been associated with the feminine for so long. In an historically male dominated culture it follows that the power of secrecy and mysticism would need to be cultivated into the feminine as a resource for influencing the men in control of it. Sometimes that may have ended with a woman burned at the stake, but more often it was a means to becoming the ‘power behind the throne’ by degrees, and depending upon the status of the man she could enchant. -- Combine that mysticism with sexuality, and you’ve got the feminine mystique – the most useful tool the feminine imperative possesses in it’s quest for optimal hypergamy. -- The feminine mystique permeates inter-gender communication. On every forum response, on every blog comment, on every facebook post and in any article ever written by women with a personal, feminine investment in the subject, there is a residue of recognizing the feminine mystique. When a woman retorts to an observation of female behavior that betrays female intent, the standard misdirection is ALWAYS saturated in the unknowable, unpredictably capricious, feminine mystique. The first (and second) rule of Fight Club for the feminine imperative is to protect the mystery of the female – and the sisterhood has no mercy for those who would betray that.'
men  women  hypergamy  communication  obsfucation 
17 days ago
The Rational Male -- The Medium is the Message
'I hate the term ‘Mixed Signals’ or ‘Mixed Messages’. More often than not there’s nothing ‘Mixed’ being communicated and rather it’s a failure (willful or not) to read what a woman is communicating to a man. The average guy tends to ‘get’ exactly what a woman has implied with her words, but it takes practice to read her behavior and then more practice in self-control to apply it to his own interpretation. When a woman goes from hot to cold and back again, THIS IS the message – she’s got buyers remorse, you’re not her first priority, she’s deliberating between you and what she perceives is a better prospect, you were better looking when she was drunk, etc. – the message isn’t the ‘what ifs’, the message IS her own hesitation and how her behavior manifests it. 10 dates before sex? This IS the message. Canceling dates? Flaking? strong interest to weak interest? This IS the message. -- Women with high interest level (IL) wont confuse you. When a woman wants to fuck you she’ll find a way to fuck you. If she’s fluctuating between being into you and then not, put her away for a while and spin other plates. If she sorts it out for herself and pursues you, then you are still playing in your frame and you maintain the value of your attention to her. It’s when you patiently while away your time wondering what the magic formula is that’ll bring her around, that’s when you lean over into her frame. You need her more than she needs you and she will dictate the terms of her attentions. -- We get frustrated because women communicate differently than we do. Women communicate covertly, men communicate overtly. Men convey information, women convey feeling. Men prioritize content, women prioritize context. One of the great obfuscations fostered by feminization in the last quarter-century is this expectation that women are every bit as rational and inclined to analytical problem solving as men. It’s result of an equalist mentality that misguides men into believing that women communicate no differently than men. That’s not to discount women as problem solvers in their own right, but it flies in the face how women set about a specifically feminine form of communication. Scientific study after study illustrating the natural capacity women have for exceptionally complex forms of communication (to the point of proving their neural pathways are wired differently) are proudly waved in by a feminized media as proof of women’s innate merits, yet as men, we’re expected to accept that she “means what she says, and she says what she means.” While more than a few women like to wear this as a badge of some kind of superiority, it doesn’t necessarily mean that what they communicate is more important, or how they communicate it is more efficient, just that they have a greater capacity to understand nuances of communication better than do men. One of the easiest illustrations of this generational gender switch is to observe the communication methods of the “strong” women the media portray in popular fiction today. How do we know she’s a strong woman? The first cue is she communicates in an overt, information centered, masculine manner. -- You don’t need to be psychic to understand women’s covert communication, you need to be observant. This often requires a patience that most men simply don’t have, so they write women off as duplicitous, fickle or conniving if the name fits. Even to the Men that are observant enough, and take the needed mental notes to really see it going on around them, it seems very inefficient and irrational. And why wouldn’t it? We’re Men. Our communications are (generally) information based, deductive and rational, that’s Men’s overt communication. Blunt, to the point, solve the problem and move on to the next. Feminine communication seems insane, it is a highly disfunctional form of communcation….,to be more specific, it’s a childish form of communication. This is what children do! They say one thing and do another. they throw temper tantrums. they react emotionally to everything. -- Yes, they do. And more often than not, they get what they’re really after – attention. Women are crazy, but it’s a calculated crazy. Covert communication frustrates us every bit as much as overt communication frustrates women. Our language has no art to it for them, that’s why we seem dumb or simple at best to women. We filter for information to work from, not the subtle details that make communication enjoyable for women. This is the same reason we think of feminine communication as being obfuscating, confusing, even random. The difference is that our confusion and frustration is put to their ultimate use. So long as women remain unknowable, random, irrational creatures that men can’t hope to understand (but can always excuse), they can operate unhindered towards their goals. “Silly boy, you’ll never understand women, just give up” is exactly the M.O. Once you accept this, she’s earned a lifetime of get-out-of-jail-free cards. The myth of the ‘Feminine Mystique’ and a woman’s prerogative (to change her mind) is entirely dependent upon this covert communication. -- Now as Men we’ll say, “Evil, immoral, manipulative woman! Shape up and do the right thing, saying one thing then doing another makes you a hypocrite!” and of course this is our rational nature overtly making itself heard and exposing a woman’s covert communication. An appeal to morality, that’ll get her, but,..it doesn’t. This is because women instinctively know that their sexuality is their first, best agency, and covert communication is the best method to utilize it. Appeals to morality only work in her favor, because all she need do is agree with a Man’s overt assesment of her and suddenly he thinks he’s ‘getting through to her’. As Men, we have become so conditioned by the Feminine Mystique to expect a woman to be duplicitous with us that when she suddenly leans into masculine communication forms and resorts to our own, overt communication method and agrees with us, it seems she’s had an epiphany, or a moment of clarity. “Wow, this one’s really special, ‘high quality’, and seems to get it.” That is so long as it suits her conditions to do so. When it doesn’t, the Feminine Mystique is there to explain it all away.'
men  women  communication  * 
17 days ago
The Rational Male -- In Defense of Evo-Psych
Comment: Vulpine: 'There she is again, throwing herself in the middle of the bukkake ring that is the comment section of the Rational Male. Just jerking and sucking away at anyone that is ready to bust a nut on her face. Disgusting.'
men  women  unwarrantedselfimportance 
17 days ago
The Rational Male -- In Defense of Evo-Psych
Comment: Rollo Tomassi: 'From What Lies Beneath: 'two books by John Costello; ‘Virtue Under Fire’ and ‘Love, Sex, and War’ in which all too much of the above female psychology manifested itself; “Of the 5.3 million British infants delivered between 1939 and 1945, over a third were illegitimate – and this wartime phenomenon was not confined to any one section of society. The babies that were born out-of-wedlock belonged to every age group of mother, concluded one social researcher: -- Some were adolescent girls who had drifted away from homes which offered neither guidance nor warmth and security. Still others were women with husbands on war service, who had been unable to bear the loneliness of separation. There were decent and serious, superficial and flighty, irresponsible and incorrigible girls among them. There were some who had formed serious attachments and hoped to marry. There were others who had a single lapse, often under the influence of drink. There were, too, the ‘good-time girls’ who thrived on the presence of well-paid servicemen from overseas, and semi-prostitutes with little moral restraint. But for the war many of these girls, whatever their type, would never have had illegitimate children. (pp. 276-277)” and; “Neither British nor American statistics, which indicate that wartime promiscuity reached its peak in the final stages of the war, take account of the number of irregularly conceived pregnancies that were terminated illegally. Abortionists appear to have been in great demand during the war. One official British estimate suggests that one in five of all pregnancies was ended in this way, and the equivalent rate for the United States indicates that the total number of abortions for the war years could well have been over a million. -- These projections are at best merely a hypothetical barometer of World War II’s tremendous stimulus to extra-marital sexual activity. The highest recorded rate of illegitimate births was not among teenage girls, as might have been expected. Both British and American records indicate that women between twenty and thirty gave birth to nearly double the number of pre-war illegitimate children. Since it appears that the more mature women were the ones most encouraged by the relaxed morals of wartime to ‘enjoy’ themselves, it may be surmised that considerations of fidelity were no great restraint on the urge of the older married woman to participate in the general rise in wartime sexual promiscuity. (pp. 277-278)” -- Nor, did this behavior stop with the end of WWII, it was merely rationalized, codified, and approved by society by feminism and their Vichy males." -- So much for all that WWII ‘Greatest Generation’ romanticization.'
men  women  history  war  socialism  rkselectiontheory  ecology  sociology 
17 days ago
University of California -- Women's Sexual Strategies: The Evolution of Long-Term Bonds and Extrapair Sex (PDF)
'When is Coupling Disfavored? #Unstable environments. Long-term social partnerships may not always be available, or they may not present the best reproductive opportunities for women. In unstable environments, in which the avail­ ability of resources varies significantly from year to year or season to season, it can be difficult for women to predict how much potential mates will be able to invest in offspring. In addition, unstable environments may lead to increased competition for resources and higher levels of male-male violence and mortality (Durham, 1976; Gat, 2000; Manson & Wrangham, 1991). At the same time, it may be too costly for women to delay reproduction in the search for a high-investing mate, particularly if women's own health and longevity are compromised by harsh conditions (Johnstone, 1997; Kokko et a1., 2002; Promislow & Harvey, 1991). According to life history theory (Bonner, 1965; Hill, 1993), women who are exposed to harsh environments in their childhood may facultatively adjust their reproductive strategies to favor a more short-term oriented strategy, in which there is little expectation of male provisioning after conception (Belsky, Steinberg, & Draper, 1991; Chisholm et aL, 1993; Stearns, 1992). Women pursuing this strategy may engage in sexual activity at an earlier age, be more willing to have sexual intercourse early in their relationships, place less emphasis on emotional attachments before sexual intimacy, decrease the duration of relationships, place greater emphasis on immediate resource extraction from sexual partners, and place greater emphasis on indicators of good genes, including physical attractiveness. Several researchers have demonstrated an association between a childhood environment that includes cues to relationship instability - including harsh parenting, father absence, and socioeconomic stress and short-term oriented adult mating behaviors (Belsky et al., 1991; Geronimus, 1996). -- Data from inner-city teen mothers in the United States further supports the hypothesis that uncertain environments may elicit this alternative, short-term reproductive strategy (Geronimus, 1996, 1997,2003). Due to the high rates of violence, mortality, and incarceration among young men, the sex ratio in these environments is heavily imbalanced­ there are more women of reproductive age than there are men. Cross­culturally, sex ratio imbalances like these predict not only an increase in single motherhood, but specifically in teen pregnancy (Barber, 2000, 2003). Women's health also declines rapidly, and delaying reproduction can mean failure to reproduce at all. In response to these conditions, girls tend to reproduce early, while their bodies are still strong. In a review of American pregnancy data, Geronimus (1997) found that in poor socioeconomic conditions, infants of teen mothers had higher birth­weights and lower mortality rates than those born to women in their 20s and 30s; among middle-class women the pattern was reversed. The rapid decline' in birth outcomes among impoverished women suggests that accelerated reproduction could have carried fitness advantages in some ancestral conditions. -- #Father absence. The absence of an investing adult male in early child­hood is another possible cue that may shift women's reproductive strategies. Draper and Harpending (1982) proposed that the presence or absence of a biological father in the home during early development provides girls with information about the reproductive environment they will likely encounter in adulthood. In fact, girls who grew up in father­-absent homes are more likely than girls who grew up in homes with a father present to engage in the short-term mating behaviors described above, and they are more likely to begin reproduction early (Ellis et al., 2003). In a study looking at the effect of father absence on girls' orientation toward early parenthood, researchers found that girls who grew up in father-absent homes showed greater interest in infants, measured by time spent looking at images of infants compared to other images, at an earlier age than girls whose fathers has been present in the home (Maestripieri, Roney, DeBias, Durante, & Spaepen, 2004). Father absence also affects physiological maturation. Many studies have documented a relationship between father absence and early age of menarche, (see Ellis, 2002, 2004, 2005 for reviews). Although the specific mechanism through which the presence or absence of a biological father affects women's sexual strategies remains a matter of debate, the effects of father absence are consistent and suggest that women are sensitive to cues that predicted the success of varying strategies in ancestral environments (Ellis, 2004).
psychology  biology  fatherhood  rkselectiontheory  ecology  sociology 
17 days ago
University of California -- Women's Sexual Strategies: The Evolution of Long-Term Bonds and Extrapair Sex (PDF)
'As a partial solution to the problem of trade-offs, women may have evolved to pursue a dual-mating strategy by securing investment from a long-term mate and obtaining genetic benefits from extrapair mates (Haselton & Gangestad, 2006). Several lines of evidence support this proposal. Although estimates vary, the human extrapair paternity rate is approximately 2% to 4% (for a review, see Anderson, 2006). Thus, a substantial portion of men raise offspring who are not genetically their own. Men also appear to possess anti-cuckoldry mechanisms that lead them to detect the degree of
resemblance between babies’ faces and their own and adjust their investment accordingly (Platek et al., 2003). Last, women are most attracted to men other than their primary mate when fertility is high within the ovulatory cycle (and thus the benefits of extrapair mating for genetic benefits are highest; Gangestad, Thornhill, & Garver-Apgar, 2005). This is especially true for women whose primary mates lack sexual attractiveness — the women who, in theory, have the most to gain from extrapair mating with men who display costly fitness indicators (Gangestad et al., 2005; Haselton & Gangestad, 2006; Pillsworth & Haselton, 2006). -- Extra-pair mating is common in socially monogamous species. If the risks are sufficiently low relative to the genetic benefits to be gained, females in species that practice biparental care may select long-term social males who display investment cues while seeking good genes through extrapair matings. -- Shifts in desire are contingent on indicators of intrinsically good genes. The dual-mating account further predicts that these shifts should be strongest for women who would have experienced the greatest fitness gains through extrapair mating, that is, those women whose own partners do not show indicators of good genes. Three studies have confirmed this prediction. In one study, the strength of a woman's ovulatory increase in extrapair desires was predicted by her partner's asymmetry: Only women with relatively asymmetrical partners showed increases in extrapair desires at midcycle (Gangestad, Thornhill, & Garver-Apgar, 2005b). Moreover, in this study, women with relatively symmetrical partners actually showed an increase in attraction to their own long­term mates at midcycle (Gangestad et al., 2005b). Two other studies showed that women's assessments o£.their s.ocial partners' sexual attractiveness moderated shifts in extrapair desires, such that women who perceived their partners as least sexually attractive showed the greatest shifts in extrapair attraction (Haselton & Gangestad, 2006; 'Pillsworth & Haselton, 2006). In these studies, the women who rated their partners highest on sexual attractiveness showed no evidence of an increase in extrapair desires near ovulation. Women's assessments of their partner's long-term attractiveness (e.g., possession of resources; Pillsworth & Haselton, 2006) and their satisfaction in their relation­ ships (Haselton & Gangestad, 2006; Pillsworth & Haselton, 2006) did not predict cyclic shifts in extrapair attraction, indicating that the predicted effects were specific to partner attractiveness. In sum, shifts in desire are experienced by the women who, according to the good genes theory, would have the most to through extrapair sex. -- Shifts in desire are contingent on compatible genes. In addition to intrinsically good genes, women could engage in extrapair mating to gain access to diverse genes or compatible genes. In humans, there is no specific evidence that women engage in extrapair mating simply for the purpose of diversifying the genes of their offspring. Although this hypothesis cannot be fully ruled out, the specific nature of the shifts in women's mate preferences (for some traits more than others) and extra­pair desires (for the partners of some men more than others) are hard to reconcile with the genetic diversity hypothesis. There is some evidence, however, that women engage in extrapair mating to access to compatible genes. The major histocompatibility complex (MHC) is a set of genes contributing to immune function (see, e.g., Knapp, 2005). Unlike other genes, MHC alleles are expressed codominantly, which means that offspring express each of the two alleles at a given locus (one from their father and one from their mother). Diversity in MHC genes is thought to give offspring a greater ability to combat a wider range of pathogens: Thus, some men will have MHC genes that are more compatible with a woman's own genes than will others – specifically; those men with different genes than her own. Couples tend to be more dissimilar in their MHC than would be expected if pairing were to occur randomly, suggesting that MHC related preferences operate in mate choice (Garver-Apgar, Gangestad, Thornhill, Miller, & Olp, 2006; Ober & Aldrich, 1997). Although it is somewhat mixed, there is also evidence that women prefer the body scents of MHC dissimilar others (Santos, Schinemann, Gabardo, & Bicalho, 2005; Wedekind & Furi, 1997; Wedekind et a1., 1995; but see Thornhill et a1., 2003), as do men (Thornhill et al., 2003; Wedekind & Furi, 1997; but see Santos et al., 2005). One recent study indicates that women with partners who are relatively similar in their MHC may seek compatible genes through extrapair mating. Garver-Apgar et al. (2006) assessed the MHC genes of women and men in long-term relationships. They found that the amount of MHC similarity between a woman and mate positively predicted the number of affairs the woman had while in the relationship, controlling for relationship length and the woman's general interest in casual sex. These women also showed shifts in extrapair desires across the month duration of the study: They were attracted to men other than their long-term mate when they were most fertile within the cycle. In sum, women's dual-mating strategy may have evolved both for securing intrinsic good genes and compatible genes through extrapair partners when such benefits are not available from long-term mates.'
psychology  men  women  hypergamy  sexuality  ovulation  immunesystem  evolution 
17 days ago
American Psychological Association -- Hormones & desire
'...The study, in press at Evolution and Human Behavior, produced results consistent with previous research: Women paired with feminine-faced men were more attracted to men other than their partners, relative to their partners, when ovulating. The same effect was found for women with facially unattractive men, though not when the researchers controlled for men’s facial masculinity or femininity. No significant effects were found for men’s intelligence. -- Gangestad has found similar patterns for stereotypically male behavior traits. In a study of 238 college women published in APA’s Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Vol. 92, No. 1) in 2007, he and his colleagues found that, in mid-cycle, women tended to prefer flings with “caddish” men. On average, fertile women were more interested in short-term relationships with men who came across as confident, or even cocky, on videotape. In comparison, at other points in their cycle, they gravitated toward longer-term relationships with kinder, more conscientious, deferential types — good father material. -- Interestingly, these mid-cycle preferences for hyper-masculine men seem to disappear among women taking birth control medication that suppresses normal ovulation. All this may seem counterintuitive. Wouldn’t it make more sense for a woman to make babies with a nurturing man? Someone more likely to stick around? -- You would think, says Gangestad, but, in an evolutionary sense, women want manly men’s superior genes. Masculine features and dominance over other males indicates stronger genetic fitness, according to “good genes theory,” he explains. -- “Infidelity may be part of the strategy,” says Gangestad. “But while there has been selection for conditional unfaithfulness, it’s also very possible that there was never selection of that sort — that estrus is a carry over from pre-pair-bonding, and has not been modified in the context of pair-bonding (for example, for infidelity).” -- ...men do respond hormonally to the scents of ovulating women, according to research Maner has conducted with Florida State graduate student Saul Miller. In a study published online in Psychological Science (Vol. 23, No. 2) in December 2009, 105 undergraduate men smelled T-shirts of young women who were either near ovulation or far from it. In two studies, the men also smelled unworn T-shirts, which served as controls. -- Results showed that men who sniffed the ovulation-scented shirts displayed higher levels of testosterone than men who sniffed the non-ovulation or control shirts. -- But how strong was the response, and what could this mean? “The effects on testosterone are medium, and we’re not sure of the behavioral effects, but other studies suggest the testosterone effects are large enough to produce changes in behavior,” says Maner. “So it stands to reason that a man is more likely to be attracted to an ovulating female and to pursue her as a partner.” -- Not that spikes in testosterone are dependent on ovulation. Most heterosexual men get a significant testosterone boost after just briefly chatting with an attractive woman, suggests a study of 149 undergraduate men, published in 2010 in the Proceedings of the Royal Society (Vol. 277, No. 1,678). In comparison, testosterone stays level or drops after a conversation with another man.'
psychology  men  women  hypergamy  sexuality  ovulation  testosterone 
17 days ago
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology -- Changes in Women’s Mate Preferences Across the Ovulatory Cycle (PDF)
'The good genes hypothesis makes specific predictions that can be derived directly from good genes models but are much more difficult to derive a priori from other theories. Specifically, the hypothesis predicts that women should particularly prefer purported indicators of male genetic benefits when they are fertile and evaluating men as potential short-term mates. These trait indicators — physical attractiveness, muscularity, being socially respected, and being confrontative—should also be traits that most women value more in short-term than in long-term mates. Accordingly, this hypothesis anticipates that women’s short-term mate preferences for these particular male traits should be enhanced when women are fertile. A possible pattern of preference shifts never before tested by research, however, is that nearly all diagnostic male mate traits might be valued more when women are fertile, regardless of whether traits are preferentially valued in short-term or in long-term mates. If it emerged, that pattern would seriously challenge the good genes hypothesis. The results of this study support the good genes hypothesis. When women are fertile and rating men’s attractiveness as short- term partners, they are particularly attracted to traits that tend to be valued in short-term mates. No preference shifts in favor of traits deemed more valuable in long-term mates (e.g., good father, faithful, warm, financially successful) were found (although men perceived as less faithful were rated as particularly attractive as short-term mates by fertile women, perhaps because such men possess other traits that women find attractive in short-term mates). Consistent with past research (Gangestad et al., 2004; Haselton & Miller, 2006; Johnston et al., 2001; Penton-Voak et al., 1999; Puts, 2005), we did not find shifts in mate preferences over the reproductive cycle in both long-term and short-term mating contexts. Rather, mating context interacted with fertility status to predict women’s specific mate preferences. Near ovulation, traits indicative of greater intrasexual competitiveness were viewed as particularly attractive in short-term compared with long-term mates. -- ... These findings are also consistent with a number of recent studies examining patterns of women’s sexual attraction across the cycle. Two studies found that when women are fertile they report greater attraction to men other than their partners, but not greater attraction to their partners (Gangestad, Thornhill, & Garver, 2002; Gangestad, Thornhill, & Garver-Apgar, 2005; cf. Pillsworth, Haselton, & Buss, 2004)'
men  women  sexuality  status  ovulation 
17 days ago
Evolution Counseling -- Detached Personality And Groups
'People with detached personality abhor groups and actively avoid membership in them. The rationalization for this avoidance will usually center around the loss of individuality. They will demean the stupidity of ‘group think’. They will say and believe that they prize reason and rationality, that reason and rationality tend to go out the window in a group setting. -- But the real underlying reason for remaining outside of groups centers around the fear of coercion, around the need to control all the parameters of interpersonal relationships so that coercion cannot occur. It’s much easier to control the parameters when the relationship is one on one.'
psychology  attachment  relationships  groups  control  defencemechanisms  schizoid 
18 days ago
Evolution Counseling -- Detached Personality And Interpersonal Conflict
'From the point of view of the observer, who can only see what’s going on from the outside, it usually seems like these people just don’t care very much and it’s exasperating. The emotional thermostat has clearly turned up, there’s an area of conflict that needs to be confronted and resolved, yet those with detached personality remain closed off and hard to reach. -- What is important to understand is that the calm veneer on the outside belies a lot of turmoil roiling and broiling on the inside. It’s not that people who have taken on the detached solution towards life don’t want to engage in interpersonal conflict, it’s that they can’t. The shutting down that appears self-willed, making them seem like they’ve got all their emotions fully under control, that they’re cool, calm, and collected, is a facade. Their behavior in the face of rising anxiety caused by the conflict situation is compulsive, it’s their de facto response to every conflict situation, outside of their control. Sometimes it’s better to appease, sometimes it’s better to attack, sometimes it’s better to run away. The unique set of circumstances calls for the appropriate response. But with detached personality there is only one possible response. -- So these people end up feeling a lot of hostility and resentment towards those who they believe are responsible for creating the conflict situation while at the same time feeling humiliated by their own response to it. They leave the encounter with the unpleasant sensation that they have lost.'
psychology  attachment  relationships  conflict  defencemechanisms  schizoid 
18 days ago
YouTube -- The School of Life: Psychotherapy: John Bowlby
'The English psychoanalyst John Bowlby teaches us about Attachment Theory, which is quite simply the best way to understand how and why relationships are tricky.' -- 'The latest research shows that in the UK population: #56% are securely attached #24% are avoidantly attached #20% are anxiously attached'
psychology  relationships  attachment  childhood  parenting 
18 days ago
Aeon -- The peculiar despair of the hotel room by Suzanne Joinson
'There is a part of the brain called the hippocampus that is shaped just like a seahorse. It is in many ways still an unconquered mystery, but it is believed to act as an internal sat-nav. It provides a crossroads between memory and the processing of location, and not just locations of geography and place – although it does deal in those, contextualising landmark objects and images to understand landscapes, interiors and scenes – but also the mapping of an emotional geography such as future goals and aspirations and how to reach them, or memory sequences, or the systemisation of our own personal narratives. It is how we understand where we are and how we put ourselves into the points of view of others. Depression has been found to have a dampening and distorting effect on the hippocampus, so that we become, in many layers of the word, lost. -- I don’t know if my hippocampus navigator was suppressed by too much travel or if I was simply exhausted from a decade of avoiding intimate relationships and any semblance of a stable home. Whatever it was, the suicidal impulse triggered by the architecture of hotels and all the signifiers connected to them – key cards, long corridors, the ting of a service bell – kept growing stronger. -- I had been restless for 10 years, swinging between a ‘home’ that consisted of a transient rented room and the never-ending process of arriving alone at an Italo Calvino-esque city of everywhere/nowhere. I was lonely, getting lonelier, and ebbing across to the other side of the mirror with no idea how to stop it happening.' -- Avoidance of a void.
psychology  defencemechanisms  denial 
18 days ago
YouTube -- Freedomain Radio: The Truth About Sex: Facts You Won't Believe Are True!
'In the first part of “The Truth About Sex” series, Stefan Molyneux looks at first age of sexual activity, the number of sexual partners, single mothers, abortion, sexually transmitted diseases, stable marriage, child maltreatment, divorce, crime and happiness statistics.' -- "The reason why girls with have sex when they're twelve or younger, or thirteen or fourteen, has to do with significant amounts of family dysfunction. And with the early menstruation that appears with father absence, and with the fact that women who report being closer with their fathers end up being virgins much later on – it is a hunger for masculinity – and also, of course, if men are missing from a family, the female primes itself for a short-term reproductive strategy because it assumes it's war, it's famine, there's some reason why men aren't around."
sexuality  marriage  relationships  rkselectiontheory  ecology  sociology 
18 days ago
JudgyBitch -- Feminists don’t challenge radical Islam because real misogynists are terrifying
'Real misogyny shoots you in the head. -- What radical Islam does is remind feminists that if patriarchy were a real thing in our culture, if misogyny were a real thing, if men hated women and wanted them chained in basements we would be chained in basements. In actual fact, Western men are the most indulgent, permissive, tolerant men you will find anywhere on the planet, and in the face of real misogyny, whining feminists end up looking like petulant toddlers tossing expensive toys out of their designer prams complaining they are oppressed.' -- Comments: Smug Frog: 'I think I cracked the code as to why feminists love Islam, or at least back away from attacking them. What feminists are saying is this: "white Christian males are no longer the dominating men they once were. They spoil us and put us on a pedestal. They are acting like wimpy beta males. But Islam... those are some seriously threatening dudes. They give their women a what-for. That's sexy." -- In other words, I believe radical feminists are projecting their animus out into the world (to use a Jungian psychological theory). They fear Islam, and to them that is exciting. But more to the point, they like Islam because they view it as masculine in the traditional sense, an aggressive warrior religion that is unwilling to give a single inch to feminism. With Islam, it's "our way, or off with your head". So these radical feminists are projecting their animus, their male psychological counterpart, as either a brutish man or a man of action. Muslim men fulfill this feminist animus, because the strongman, the brutish man, is almost nowhere to be found in secular Western civilization. -- We're too civilized. We're too willing to be diplomatic. We've lost our balls. -- Long story short, it's radical feminism's way of telling emasculated Western men: this is how we want you to be. Stop giving into us. Take charge. -- In other words, they are acting up but deep down don't want to. They want someone, anyone, to give them a sense of direction and a positive identity - in other words, a firm hand. White men as a target are easy - we've wimped out. We keep caving to their demands. Islam, however, will not. They'll behead you before they allow degeneracy. -- Modern "white man" has become a thing of acquiescence and as such no longer having the respect they once did, especially not from well-to-do white women that make up the majority of feminists. -- Sexists reproduce. Egalitarians much less so. This only reinforces my thinking that feminism is one massive shit test.' -- Be strong for me! https://pinboard.in/u:adamcrowe/b:7472e43efcd2
men  women  feminism  boundaries 
18 days ago
Quotesome Blog -- 100 Most Relatable INTP Quotes Of All Time
"There is only one good, knowledge, and one evil, ignorance." ~ Socrates
INTP  quotes  Socrates 
21 days ago
Perfect partner for an INTP
'#7. SPACE [as in both physical and emotional space] In case it was missed, I’ll mention it again: SPACE!! INTP men need their free time to pursue intellectual pursuits, and CAN NOT be: disturbed; told they don't love their partner because they spend too much time “alone”, etc. INTP men disappear for a while, then come out swinging. This FORCES most non-INTPs to think that the INTP partner only wants them for sex. This is wrong, but if the non-INTP is not capable of #5 and #6, they are forced to believe it. -- #9. An intellect, a person who can hold their own in a debate. The words “you always think you are right!!” are the LAST words an INTP wants to hear from their mate. The INTP wants debate! Wants intellectual stimulation! If they dont get it at home, #7 becomes very very very important. If their mate can not handle #7, there will be PROBLEMS. If the mate can supply #9, the INTP will be very happily occupied with their mate for a long, long time. -- #11. Someone capable of self reflection and self analysis. Often the INTP finds that they are the only one “growing” in a relationship, the only one who can see the problems in the relationship. This usually forces the INTP to be the one to change, to be the one to compromise for their partner. Because many non-INTPs have no true ability to self reflect, the non-INTP thinks they are ALWAYS right. The INTP spends their life examining themselves and their relationship to see what they need to do to make it work. So they spend all their time critically analyzing it, and the mate does nothing but demand that they change. This will eventually lead to the spiritual DEATH of the INTP, if not the actual PHYSICAL death of the INTP. To avoid this, the INTP person NEEDS a mate who can examine the relationship WITH them, so they can grow TOGETHER.'
psychology  personality  INTP  relationships 
21 days ago
Personality Junkie -- An INTP Female's Condensed Autobiography
'Despite being an outsider all of my life, people tend to tend trust my peaceful consistency as a sign of a sage and charming mentor, but I now pretend less than ever to know all and I always add a disclaimer with any tentative offer of advice. I feel that the only real thing I have to offer others is by example in living consciously. This doesn’t mean blasting people with intense cosmic truths as was my way in younger years, but to simply be able to be present with others. I am getting to know myself and how to set boundaries to meet my own needs. I have the good fortune of recently finding the perfect little day job for me to supplement my lifestyle – working in the small local library in the afternoons, one week on, one week off. Aside from being delightfully nerdy and self directed, ticking some important boxes for me, it puts me contact with people in the tolerably impersonal context of discussing books and ideas…'
psychology  personality  introversion  INTP 
21 days ago
Thought Catalog -- The Definition Of Hell For Each Myers-Briggs Personality Type
'INTP – You are eternally condemned to researching an extremely vapid topic using wildly inaccurate methods, mostly involving interviewing people who have no idea what they’re talking about.'
psychology  peronality  INTP 
24 days ago
Personality Junkies -- What Do INFJs Want in a Relationship?
'What do INFJs need to feel satisfied in a relationship?: Communication. Communication. Communication. They really struggle with partners that either cannot or will not communicate. This isn’t necessarily limited to the expression of feelings, though this is important, but thoughts, ideas, insights, etc. Conversely, they also need to be able to feel comfortable communicating with their partners. INFJs are surprisingly verbal (more so than any of the other introverts), and they need clearance to speak candidly about their perceptions, even at the risk of offending of their partners. This is why a lack of ego defensiveness in their partners is so important. -- Communication takes precedence – the idea being that with open and honest communication, almost any other challenge can be navigated – but other things that INFJs need to be satisfied in a relationship include respect (especially for their Ni insights), semi-regular expression of love/affirmation, willingness from their partner to devote time and energy to work on the relationship, a high level of trust, and some level of willingness to try new things and share new experiences.'
psychology  personality  INFJ  INTP  relationships 
24 days ago
YouTube -- [Alain de Botton]: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person
'You'll try not to of course – but you will, unwittingly. At least there is comfort in knowing you're not alone.'
philosophy  relationships  repetitioncompulsion 
25 days ago
YouTube -- [Alain de Botton]: What is Literature for?
'Why should we spend our time reading novels and poems when, out there, big things are going on?'
philosophy  empathy  simulation  possibilityspace  probabilityspace 
25 days ago
YouTube -- [Alain de Botton]: What Comes After Religion
'The debate between believers and atheists usually goes nowhere. The real issue is: what should fill the gaps created by the end of widespread belief? What should fill the God-shaped hole?'
philosophy  religion  ritual 
25 days ago
Meaningness -- The toxic power dynamics of Oneness
Notes on Kramer and Alstad, The Guru Papers: Masks of Authoritarian Power: '“Often a large component of spiritual seeking is the desire for a place of no conflict, where a benign, all-powerful intelligence is taking care of things, and not incidentally, where one feels immortal again. … This means that what many people are seeking in the name of spirituality is not really to grow…a journey into the unknown. What is actually being sought is a return to the known.” -- “Surrender is so potent precisely because it shifts control to an arena that is free, or more free, from one’s inner dramas and the conflicts involved in personal decisions.” -- What many people crave nowadays is a sense of connection or union with something they consider sufficiently profound to give their lives meaning. The very act of surrender initially brings this about. -- Egolessness has to be a central virtue of hierarchic spirituality, because you’d be insane to surrender to someone who was self-interested. So guru has to claim to be selfless. -- Since those without self-trust look for certainty in others, power is just there for the taking by anyone who puts out a message that tells people, with certitude, what they want to hear. -- Maintaining denial actually requires constant surveillance of the thing you are pretending isn’t there. This deepens the internal splits that renunciation promises to heal. It requires the construction of a covert inner authoritarian to keep control over the “bad” stuff you reject. This inner tyrant is probably not strong enough to do the job on its own, so you submit to an external authority whose job is to strengthen the internal tyrant. -- If everyone creates their own reality, your problems are not my problem; you created them, in order to teach yourself a valuable lesson. How convenient for me not to have to deal with your stuff. -- The mythic-archetypical outlaw hero offers “an outlet for a repressed culture by igniting a safe collusion with people’s badselves. Thus society put forth a double message: “Rebellion is bad and dangerous,” on one side; and “Rebellion is not only exciting and exhilarating, it is freedom,” on the other…. The double messages society puts out … fragment its members" -- Groups easily form around eliciting and reinforcing either the good or badself; these alliances serves as a mechanism to bolster the control of that side.” -- The goodself and badself both need each other to justify their existence, so they unconsciously collude to create conflict. Becoming aware of this is the way to defuse the hostility and eventually heal the split.'
psychology  ideology  cults  power  rhetoric  psychohistory  poisoncontainer 
4 weeks ago
Psychology Today -- Vulnerability by Robert D Stolorow
'Suffering, injury, illness, death, heartbreak, loss – these are possibilities that define our existence and loom as constant threats. To be human is to be excruciatingly vulnerable. Poet David Whyte (2015) captures this existential truth compellingly: "VULNERABILITY is not a weakness, a passing indisposition, or something we can arrange to do without, vulnerability is not a choice, vulnerability is the underlying, ever present and abiding under-current of our natural state. To run from vulnerability is to run from the essence of our nature, the attempt to be invulnerable is the vain attempt to be something we are not and most especially, to close off our understanding of the grief of others. More seriously, refusing our vulnerability we refuse the help needed at every turn of our existence and immobilize the essential, tidal and conversational foundations of our identity. -- To have a temporary, isolated sense of power over all events and circumstances, is one of the privileges and the prime conceits of being human and especially of being youthfully human, but a privilege that must be surrendered with that same youth, with ill health, with accident, with the loss of loved ones who do not share our untouchable powers; powers eventually and most emphatically given up, as we approach our last breath. The only choice we have as we mature is how we inhabit our vulnerability, how we become larger and more courageous and more compassionate through our intimacy with disappearance, our choice is to inhabit vulnerability as generous citizens of loss, robustly and fully, or conversely, as misers and complainers, reluctant, and fearful, always at the gates of existence, but never bravely and completely attempting to enter, never wanting to risk ourselves, never walking fully through the door."'
psychology  vulnerabilty  courage  existentialism  quotes 
4 weeks ago
/r/TheRedPill -- Karen Straughan (Girlwriteswhat) succinctly discusses that men don't hate women, and defends TRP. Good read!
'And you think men hate women? Men have never hated women. Men will never hate women. What you see as hate is fear and frustration. Fear of what you have the power to do to any given man on any given day, just by virtue of being female. Frustration that no matter how far men bend to your whims, it's never enough to prove to you that they don't hate you and have never hated you. -- And somehow, a minority of women (feminists) have convinced all of society that men hate women. -- No wonder men are afraid of you. If you [women] can convince society that it hates women, in the face of all the evidence to the contrary, then you have a power that is unfathomable to the average man. A power that is unfathomable to the most powerful man. You have the power to convince society that men hate you because they don't love you 10 or 100 or 1000 times as much as they love other men, and you have the power to convince society to enact legislation an policy based on that completely stupefying false belief, and these powerful men who supposedly hate you and are in charge of everything will do it. They'll lie and they'll cheat and they'll throw less privileged men under the bus just to prove to you that they're not misogynists. -- Putting your foot down and saying, "what you're doing is abuse" is not hate. Drawing a boundary and saying, "this far, no further" is not hate. Saying, "I choose not to have anything to do with women unless necessary" is not hate. -- If the red pill is a response to anything, it's a response to the apathetic, pragmatic, mercenary nature of most women, who don't even notice the harm done to men until they're forced to personally suffer a portion of it.'
men  women  feminism  victimhood  predation  apexuality 
4 weeks ago
/r/TheRedPill -- I am Karen Straughan [girlwriteswhat]; Ask Me Anything
'Slut shaming is mostly a female relational aggression thing, a form of intrasexual competition designed to drag higher status women down, or keep lower status women down. http://www.medicaldaily.com/psychology-bitchiness-women-use-slut-shaming-defense-tactic-263531 Roy Baumeister coauthored a very interesting paper demonstrating that it's a predominantly female behavior, but he contended that it's a group strategy on the part of women to keep the market price of female sexuality inflated. He may be talking about a slightly different phenomenon, though There's the bitchy "OMG, what a slut!" that some women do to each other often for no reason other than "that girl's prettier than me", and sometimes perpetrated by sluts themselves. This type seems to be more targeted – "I feel threatened by that woman, so my girlfriends and I are going to talk about what a slut she is, even if we have no idea whether she's even had sex." Then there's actual general social disapproval of promiscuity, which would be, in my mind, more of a female sexual cartel. Like yelling "SCAB!!" at strike-breakers. It's this general social disapproval that gives the above "bitchy slut shaming" a lot of its power. It's also led to all kinds of movements (anti-pornography, increasing the age of consent, maintaining legal bans on prostitution, etc) where women have been active politically through history. The level of disapproval of promiscuity has been shown to be correlated to the perceptions of individuals as to the financial dependency of women on men. That makes perfect sense – if you're supporting a wife and her kids, you want to know they're your kids and not the milkman's, and when women are financially dependent on their men, they're more protective of the fidelity of their husbands.' -- He/She who controls the price controls the victory.
men  women  sexuality  status  power  pricefixing 
4 weeks ago
Ribbonfarm -- The Amazing, Shrinking Org Chart
'The rise of the stream corporation and the flux/change metaphor is a challenge to anthropocentrism in business. -- To understand tool-level transformation of corporations, you have to adopt an immersive perspective. -- In the stream, or flux/change metaphor, we let go of the desire for an up altogether, and orient instead around the direction of accelerating creative-destruction. -- The right question about a stream, or a set of streams, is not what is the hydrological map here? It is what is it like to swim in this particular stream? Creative destruction is something best felt viscerally rather than observed visually. -- In the flux/change metaphor, situation awareness lives primarily in the gut rather than in the mind. -- Mapping stream realities is hard, even with a lot of data and powerful dynamic tools. As the very name Slack suggests, often a smarter, lower-effort approach is to manage anxieties rather than realities. -- A snapshot of activity on a tool like Slack may not provide a satisfying understanding of what is going on. In fact, I’ll make an even stronger statement: tools like Slack will work for you only to the extent they do not provide such an understanding. -- The functions of accurate appreciation of reality and effective manipulation of reality do not get along very well. One requires the detachment of distance, the other requires the live anxiety of immersion. One requires you to bracket your biases and broaden your vision. The other requires you to manage stress and master emotions.'
work  management  strategy  panarchy  augmentationistsvsimmersionists  #processing 
4 weeks ago
Motherboard -- The App That Lets Depressed Teens Text with Celebrities and Dead Friends
'Living under constant and severe pressure to succeed in school, and spending over 12 hours a day studying, Korean schoolchildren were found to be the unhappiest among those in 27 developed nations. In February, a survey from Seoul University found nearly 60 percent of middle schoolers had unstable relationships with their classmates. -- Ben Park, who research youth suicides in South Korea at Penn State Brandywine, believed the rigorous conditions of growing up in Korean society should be considered a violation of human rights for stunting a whole generation of emotional growth and human connectivity. -- Craving emotional connections and love, Korean teenagers—the vast of majority of whom own a smartphone—fill the void with artificial means like FakeTalk. -- "This seems to be a sign of a pathological condition in Korean society, a sign that young people are deprived of real human bonding experiences," Park said. “This sense of belonging is a basic human need. With this need unmet, young people can develop a sense of self that would create a weak psychological anchor.”'
psychology  attachment  relationalobjects  replicants  bots 
4 weeks ago
Meaningness -- Geeks, MOPs, and sociopaths in subculture evolution
'A subculture at this stage is ripe for exploitation. The creators generate cultural capital, i.e. cool. The fanatics generate social capital: a network of relationships—strong ones among the geeks, and weaker but numerous ones with mops. The mops, when properly squeezed, generate financial capital, i.e. money. None of those groups have any clue about how to extract and manipulate any of those forms of capital. -- The sociopaths quickly become best friends with selected creators. They dress just like the creators—only better. They talk just like the creators—only smoother. They may even do some creating—competently, if not creatively. Geeks may not be completely fooled, but they also are clueless about what the sociopaths are up to. -- Mops are fooled. They don’t care so much about details, and the sociopaths look to them like creators, only better. Sociopaths become the coolest kids in the room, demoting the creators. At this stage, they take their pick of the best-looking mops to sleep with. They’ve extracted the cultural capital. -- The sociopaths also work out how to monetize mops—which the fanatics were never good at. With better publicity materials, the addition of a light show, and new, more crowd-friendly product, admission fees go up tenfold, and mops are willing to pay. Somehow, not much of the money goes to creators. However, more of them do get enough to go full-time, which means there’s more product to sell. -- The sociopaths also hire some of the fanatics as actual service workers. They resent it, but at least they too get to work full-time on the New Thing, which they still love, even in the Lite version. The rest of the fanatics get pushed out, or leave in disgust, broken-hearted.' -- Explorers -> Socializers -> Achievers -> Killers: http://www.mud.co.uk/richard/hcds.htm
subculture  fandom  psychographics  archetypes  hackersvsvectoralists  panarchy  RichardBartle 
4 weeks ago
YouTube -- Alison Tieman/[TyphonBlue]: Shive Jive!
"The reason why I don't have to address your arguments is because people will look to me, because I'm a woman, to determine how to react to you, because you're a man. And that's the point."
men  women  agencyvspatiency  discourse 
4 weeks ago
Journal of Psychiatric Research -- Collective unconscious: How gut microbes shape human behavior
'Early maternal separation produces long-term alterations in behavior, the HPA and the gut microbiota. Using such a model in rats, Desbonnet et al. (2008)) found that treatment with the probiotic B. infantis normalized stress-related behavior but did not reduce corticosterone. Using a similar model Gareau et al. (2011)) found that feeding a Lactobacillus spp. reduced corticosterone levels. Surprisingly, data from studies in rodents suggest that an anxious or a non-anxious phenotype can be induced with a microbiota transplant from an animal with a similar phenotype (Collins et al., 2013).' -- 'During the course of evolution, multicellular life emerged from unicellular life forms. The latter remain the dominant life form on the planet and often exist in a symbiotic or parasitic relationship with multicellular life. The nature of such relationships can have a major influence on the life cycle of plants and animals. Here, we propose that the development of a complex gut microbiota in mammals has played an important role in enabling brain development, especially in terms of cognitive function and fundamental behavior patterns, such as facilitating social interaction and effectively dealing with environmental stressors. Thus, future studies of how gut microbes contribute to the function of their host on all levels will play an important role in advancing understanding of disorders of cognitive functioning as well as disorders of social interaction such as autism and a variety of stress-related conditions. Within a relatively short period of time, results of clinical trials of probiotics (psychobiotics) and prebiotics in the treatment of common psychiatric disorders will be available.'
psychology  biology  bacteria  mutualism  stress  trauma  autism 
5 weeks ago
YouTube -- AncestryFoundation: Grace Liu, PharmD: Solution to the Identity Crisis of the Ancestral Gut
'The gut microbiota has undergone radical changes. Human gut anatomy are unaltered but the microbial ecosystems have degraded. Health may mirror these changes and how we acquire our microbiota including the ways we procure our food - shifting at the neolithic from tedious hand foraging to village crops to (now) massive, post-industrial farming operations and livestock production. Our distance from the dirt is immeasurable. New technology allows characterization of the ancestral gut. Comparatively, species in ancestral and non-industrialized guts are robust in diversity and less fragile in balance. Ways to resolve this 'gut identity' crisis involve re-wilding and revisiting the ancestral, soil-connected gut.'
biology  evolution  bacteria  food  health  disease 
5 weeks ago
YouTube -- NPR: The Invisible Universe Of The Human Microbiome
'The next time you look in a mirror, think about this: In many ways you're more microbe than human. There are 10 times more cells from microorganisms like bacteria and fungi in and on our bodies than there are human cells. But these tiny compatriots are invisible to the naked eye. So we asked artist Ben Arthur to give us a guided tour of the rich universe of the human microbiome.'
bacteria  health  biology 
5 weeks ago
Evolution Counseling -- The Appeal Of A Boring Life
'A highly structured life where all variables are known and seemingly under control combats the existential anxiety cued off by the threat of mortality. This is the appeal of a boring life. The tradeoff usually occurs at the unconscious level and it’s basically “I’m willing to sacrifice novelty for the reduction of my painful existential anxiety.” -- When a structured routine is followed uncertainty is eliminated and the illusion is cultivated that life will be the same forever. Change is a grim reminder of mortality. The boring life seeks to stop change in its tracks and thereby stop mortality in its tracks. -- The irony of this strategy is that mortality still looms, time keeps marching at its steady pace. But from the relative point of view the days, weeks, months, and years actually fly by much faster when they all resemble one another. The secret hope is to cheat death with a boring life but subjectively speaking death arrives much sooner than if novel experiences are sought out along the way.'
psychology  existentialism  control 
5 weeks ago
YouTube -- Honey Badger Radio: Honey Badger 04: Damseled to death
Alison/TyphonBlue: "...Threat Narratives are a way of removing those limiters on our ability to hurt each other, and it increases our ability to endure that kind of sympathetic pain whenever we inflict pain on each other. And we do that by inflating the sense of threat from the target group and looking at them as being sexually sinister... And one of the big ways we do that and maintain that as something we do is that we inflate women's vulnerability because the most essential component of a Threat Narrative is a damsel, is someone who is 'vulnerable', who can encapsulate the vulnerability of a society or just a group of people. So, women throughout the ages have the encapsulated the vulnerabilities of their society. And when you have a damsel, you can have a villain. A damsel in a story defines both the villain and the hero. The villain – the man usually – is the person who is threatening her, and the hero is the one who protect and saves her. But it all starts with the damsel having vulnerabilities, and having the recognition of vulnerabilities. So, if you look at the function the damsel in society it's like damsels are a debuff, they debuff that instinctual compassion that we have for each other. So every act of violence and atrocity is preceded by women damselling in order to debuff our sense of compassion for the target group. Just to use those two Threat Narratives that I was describing before: it was the vulnerability of Aryan women to Jewish men and being defiled by Jewish men that defined the center of Nazi Germany's Threat Narrative. It's the fact that Aryan women were damselling and vulnerable that incited them to these acts of violence... And when you look at the Jim Crow Threat Narrative, the same thing is happening: the vulnerability of white, southern womanhood to black men's sexual menace that debuffed that community, that took away our sympathy for black people. Everything starts with identifying a damsel and then presenting that damsel or groups of damsels as vulnerable to this particular target group. And in the process of doing that you remove all sympathy for that target group and then any act of violence is justified against them... You cannot have this debuff work if you don't encourage or even demand or force women into a role of vulnerability relative to men. That's where it all begins. Because that's how you generate the damselling. That's how you generate the ability of women to damsel to such a level that they can take away a group's sympathy. But also how you generate the ability for the men in their group to ignore their own vulnerability, to think of themselves as being invulnerable, and thus sacrifice themselves in violence against the target group. And so it all begins with the damsel and forcing women to damsel... I think this is actually at the heart of GamerGate, too. Because what I think is happening with games is that games, as a medium, are encouraging women to step away from their role as damsels and to start to see themselves in terms of their actions, which means that how we've organised ourselves as a society, how we generate not just our ability to create atrocities, to justify authoritarianism, but also to encourage men to feel ashamed and feel like they have to work compulsively to earn a sense of positive identity – all of that is under threat – our entire social fabric is under threat simply because games are siphoning off women away from the damsel identity to an identity of strength and consequence and action-taking. And I think that's what, essentially, the feminist encroachment on the gaming community is about: it's about herding women back into the reservation and making sure they fulfil the role that is foundational to the structure of our society."
men  women  feminism  victimhood  predation  dehumanization  violence  sacrifice  agencyvspatiency  thegamingofeverydaylife  *  psychohistory 
6 weeks ago
Aeon -- [Natural police]: Game theory’s cure for corruption by Suzanne Sadedin
'Who watches the watchers? In 2010, two researchers at the University of Tennessee built a game-theoretical model to examine just this problem. The results, published by Francisco Úbeda and Edgar Duéñez-Guzmán in a paper called ‘Power and Corruption’, were, frankly, depressing. Nothing, they concluded, would stop corruption from dominating an evolving police system. Once it arose, it would remain stable under almost any circumstances. The only silver lining was that the bad police could still suppress defection in the rest of society. The result was a mixed population of gullible sheep and hypocritical overlords. Net wellbeing does end up somewhat higher than it would be if everyone acted entirely selfishly, but all in all you end up with a society rather like that of the tree wasps. -- We seem to revel in generating and enforcing arbitrary social rules, from Catholic confession to the ritual nose-bleeding of Sambia men in Papua New Guinea. Granted, our punishments for minor infringements are usually subtle: a joke, a snub, a verbal rebuke. But don’t underestimate their impact. Repeat offenders are likely to find themselves gradually ostracised, mateless and unsupported in times of need. Evolutionarily speaking, social rejection might as well be a death sentence for humans. -- And this is not the full extent of our moral flexibility. Even as we ruthlessly enforce our codes, we try to cheat them. Lord Acton claimed in 1887 that ‘power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely’, and the evidence supports him. In a 2010 study, the researchers Joris Lammers at the University of Cologne and Adam Galinsky at Columbia Business School primed their subjects to feel either powerful or powerless. Those who felt powerful condemned others’ hypothetical immoral behaviour more harshly than those who felt powerless. But at the same time, the powerful cheated more on a game of dice, and then readily forgave themselves. -- Such hypocrisy makes sense from an evolutionary perspective. As the Rutgers biologist Robert Trivers put it in Deceit and Self-Deception (2011), we evolved to fool ourselves so we could better fool others. Righteousness is a sound strategy for the young revolutionary surrounded by righteous peers. On the road to power, you need allies who must be convinced of your sincerity. But once you have cemented your position, you can most improve your fitness with covert acts of selfishness, justified by a new-found sense of entitlement. -- Our tendency towards righteousness might be triggered when we feel equal to our potentially righteous compatriots; and the more secure we feel in our power over them, the more we switch to corruption. -- ... Imagine, if you will, a society where the laser eye of social condemnation is trained on every possible transgression... -- As early as the 18th century, the economist Bernard Mandeville envisaged a transition to perfect, peer-enforced co‑operation – and argued that it could only end in disaster. In his book The Fable of the Bees (1714), he depicted a society where prosperity and progress derive from endless conflict over ubiquitous corruption: Thus Vice nursed Ingenuity, / Which join’d with Time, and Industry / Had carry’d Life’s Conveniencies, / It’s real Pleasures, Comforts, Ease, / To such a Height, the very Poor / Lived better than the Rich before -- Jove, in a fit of irony, curses the bees with honesty. Their wealth promptly dissolves, society stagnates, and the population dwindles as the virtuous bees are unable so much as to contemplate any sort of creative rebellion. Sometimes it’s good to bend the rules. But which ones?'
morality  corruption  psychology  serotonin  status  power  equiveillance  anonequiveillance  civility 
6 weeks ago
YouTube -- Honey Badger Radio: Badgerpod Gamergate 14: They Set Us Up The Bomb!
Alison/TyphonBlue: "There seems to be a blindness that people don't realise that their pet ideology, if it cannot be questioned, it turns into this malignant thing. And the people who use it to get their thrill of vomiting other people out of polite society – they get this thrill out of rejecting people, this visceral thrill of ejecting people from their social group. It's power. And it is an addiction. It's an addiction to this process of ejecting people from the human group...When you give any particular moral philosophy that unquestioned authority, people ... are drawn to simply ejecting others out of a society. ... Every time we have a moral philosophy that gets into ascendency, these people, these individuals of a certain merit, take it over and start using it to eject people. And it happens every single time. Every single time."
morality  ideology  groups  power  status  serotonin 
6 weeks ago
The Onion -- Treasury Department Honors Women With First Female Currency
'“For too long, our currency has only been representative of half the country, but beginning today, women in the United States will finally be able to carry and use money that’s the same sex they are,” said Treasury Secretary Jack Lew, adding that the new female banknotes would feature softer green hues and a slightly smaller, shapelier form. “By introducing female currency into circulation, we are celebrating the strong and vital roles that women have played in shaping our nation. And when today’s girls see legal tender that is composed of both male and female bills, it sends a powerful message about our nation’s commitment to equality.” Lew followed his announcement by noting that the Treasury would introduce the first openly gay dimes into the economy as early as next year.'
TheOnion  feminism  satire 
6 weeks ago
After Psychotherapy -- The Ones Who Let Go
'I “let go” of an old friend last year, but in truth, I think he had already let go of me. A certain formality had entered into his emails and I found it painful, shaming in a way, as if he were saying he no longer wanted to be close to me, that I wasn’t “worth it.”'
psychology  shame 
6 weeks ago
Evolution Counseling -- Disinterest As Abuse
'To children parents are godlike figures whose words and actions carry all the weight of judgments from on high. Children don’t have any grounds for comparison. Interactions take on dimensions that are larger than life. In the mind of the child, the primary relationship doesn’t represent how things are in one specific family situation, it doesn’t take the cultural context or any other variable into account. It simply represents how things are, period. -- For children the equation is quite simple. Interest and attention equal love and result in the feeling of being lovable while disinterest and inattention equal lack of love and result in the feeling of being unlovable. -- Disinterest is saying, without ever saying it outright, “You are not worthy of my concern.” This secret feeling of being unworthy in the eyes of others is the specter that haunts all subsequent relationships. -- Intimacy is incompatible with disinterest, which means that if the secret feeling is that no one is or ever could be truly interested then this feeling is going to profoundly influence not only the ability but also the desire to forge intimate relationships. The unconscious belief is that the other simply isn’t interested, that any manifestations of positive affect must be inauthentic or if these manifestations are authentic they must be based on false information and at some point that underlying unworthiness will be discovered.' -- You were orphaned by indifference...
psychology  neglect  shame  abuse  schizoid 
6 weeks ago
The Art of Manliness -- Wants Vs. Likes
'Let us end this discussion with the insights of our friend Jack London, who explained the essence and significance of authentic liking in regards to how he and his wife wanted to sail around the world, while their friends thought the idea was nuts: '...The ultimate word is I Like. It lies beneath philosophy, and is twined about the heart of life. When philosophy has maundered ponderously for a month, telling the individual what he must do, the individual says, in an instant, “I Like,” and does something else… That is why I am building the [ship]. I am so made. I like, that is all.”''
psychology  authenticity  individuation 
6 weeks ago
Personality Junkie -- Introverts’ vs. Extraverts’ Career Path
'...Unfortunately, what we might call introverts’ “self-knowledge project” often takes longer to complete than anticipated.'
psychology  personality  introversion  INTP 
7 weeks ago
Learning Lisp -- Do you know any programmers that exhibit these personality traits…?
Comment: A.R.M: '...He is obviously an INTP with particularly strong extroverted intuition (Ne.) If someone is labeled ADD/ADHD, it usually means they have primary or secondary extroverted intuition. It’s a normal personality trait. This means a few things: #He is heavily right-brained. Call it artsy or whatever, but he has a firm grasp of holistics. #Abstract logic is unnatural for him. He can’t reason about something independently of it. He first has to consume the subject so that its mechanism are clearly visible. He reasons about things by interning and “simulating” them. #This interning and simulation is powerful. He can struggle for a bit when learning something new, and often appear dumb, but it’s something of a snowball effect, and once he learns something, he *knows* it. It’s interned and inside his right brain which is the “parallel processor.” So he can “see” how everything fits together, and when a problem presents itself, a solution is rarely more than a few instant lookups away. This is across his entire “knowledge base.” #Extroverted intuition is very intelligent. Kids with Ne are usually bored as fuck at school because the things they’re learning are usually too easy or intrinsically boring. But of course, motherfuckers have to cure anything that doesn’t look like them, so motherfuckers invent ADD for the extroverts with Ne (ENFP/ENTP) and ADHD for the introverts with Ne (INFP/INTP) #He is probably bored as fuck right now. If he’s lazying around and stuff, he could be in a bout of disillusionment/existential depression. This is in sharp contrast to the same type of person who has found their passion. Einstein is such a person, who from the outside may have appeared to be a “hard worker,” but what he did was not work to him. #He is a creative. His task is creating things, not actually building them. Doing “detailed” things runs counter to the grain of his nature. This might sound questionable, because what use is someone who just comes up with things and doesn’t help implement them? Well, he’s not just creative. He’s *intensely* creative. Part of it is that he “knows” the subjects he’s pondering, and part of it is that the nature of Ne is very heuristic. But the point is that if you put him in a position where he is a creative director (say, lead tech., UI/interface/experience/usability design, etc) then he will be in his element, and he will do his job amazingly. But as soon as you have him dealing with deep details, his energy will start to drain rapidly. Novelty is his fuel, and without it he is a crippled shell.'
psychology  INTP  ADHD 
7 weeks ago
Evolution Counseling -- Insight And Loneliness
'There’s one thing people don’t tell you about increasing insight for self-actualization, and this is that by its very nature it’s a difficult, lonely process. We can only share those elements of our lives that we have in common with others. Increasing insight around Self, others, and the world means becoming poignantly aware of differences, becoming poignantly aware of individuality, not to mention doing away with many of the comforting illusions that were unconsciously in place to feel connected. -- Mental health professionals rally around the banner of insight. They believe it’s the key to wellness. And they’re right up to a point, but only when a way is found to complete the circle in order to reintegrate with the world, to cut through that sense of isolation that follows in the wake of increased insight, to go back to simply being in the world in addition to thinking about being in the world.'
psychology  individuation  existentialism 
7 weeks ago
Ribbonfarm -- Weaponized Sacredness by Sarah Perry
'Why the surprise? Why does a phenomenon so seemingly inevitable in hindsight go unforeseen? -- Preference falsification is an information theory term for the tendency for people to express a public preference that is different from their private, interior preference. For various reasons, certain preferences may not be publicly acceptable to express; they may be punished by execution, or labor camps, or exile, or social exclusion, or at the very least suspicion and a risk of some of these things. When people do not express their true preferences, they are deprived of the opportunity to coordinate with each other to create a more preferable outcome for both. Preference falsification is not just a political phenomenon, but a product of our dual nature, experiencing ourselves on the one hand from the privileged first-person perspective, and on the other hand from the imagined perspective of others. Pretending to have different preferences than one really does may be necessary to maintain a sense of safety, social belonging, and status. -- People’s expressed, public preferences are a function of both their interior preferences and the perceived acceptability of revealing them; other people’s expressed preferences serve as a guide for measuring acceptability. So people’s expressed preferences are in part a function of other people’s expressed preferences. Under certain circumstances, when the distribution of preferences is right, a domino effect may be begun by a single dissenter, toppling the status quo of preference falsification. One dissenter may embolden others, and then together with them give the impression that it is acceptable for others to express their true preferences. On the other hand, people whose preferences are satisfied by the status quo may find it wise to begin to falsify their preferences when a revolution begins to look imminent. -- ... The important point is that it [a new preference falsification regime] functions as a new sacredness, something that is so important that we agree not to examine it too closely, and to only speak of it in respectful, ideologically correct terms. But it is disturbing to watch a new sacredness be born, no matter how benign it seems, because like the water locked up for now in a dam, the path it might take in the future is inscrutable and hard to control. -- #2. Sacredness implies an in-group and an out-group. In-group members are perceivers of the sacredness (or competent pretenders); out-group members are non-perceivers, heretics, enemies of the group. -- #12. Anything attacking or threatening a preference falsification equilibrium usually wants to replace it with a different preference falsification equilibrium. -- #13. The new order brought about by a change in sacredness may make everyone worse off than before, and it is impossible to predict its effects before the fact.'
ideology  panarchy  sociology 
7 weeks ago
Aeon -- Digital storytelling revives the art of gossip by Katherine May
'Doubtless, the internet has provided us with a new set of tools through which we can make our own mark on the stories that fascinate us, but we must not mistake the medium for the message. The internet didn’t create this kind of story: in fact, it’s probably the oldest narrative form of all. This is narrative as a rolling multitude of voices; a story that has no controllable ending, fading instead into a network of other tales told by a network of other people. It is the narrative of everyday life, of friends we know well and not-so-well, and the ways we use their narratives to prop up our own. We know this kind of story as deeply as we know language. This has huge implications for writers. It reveals that we’re not as keen on neat narrative arcs and emotional closure as we thought we were.'
internet  storytelling  gossip  #bandwidth  #diversity  socialmedia  cognitivesurplus 
7 weeks ago
YouTube -- Honey Badger Radio: Safe Space to Silence
Hannah: "The thing about the term 'safe space' is yet another feminist co-opted term. This was a therapy term – a twelve-step programme term – where you were supposed to be able to go into these places whether it is was group therapy or the type of therapy that you have in a twelve-step programme, and basically say 'I fell down.' And instead of having somebody go: 'Oh! You're a bad person for falling down! You screwed up! Shame on you!' go: 'Okay. How can we work together to help you not do that again and do better next time?' And so on. It was originally a thing of being able to deal functionally with dysfunction – not a thing of not having to confront information that one didn't want to deal with. And feminists – just like they have with 'rape culture' – where the term originally referred to the tolerance and acceptance for rape in male prisons – the theft of the term 'safe space' has completely changed the meaning of the term and made it into the idea that it is acceptable for them to invade public spaces and pre-existing spaces within cultures that have had ways of people relating to each other and of interacting socially that have been established for years, and saying 'No. You have to change it to suit our sensibilities because we can't exist within the same space as you unless you do that.' It's a huge shame that they've been allowed to co-opt that term and use it this way because it destroys the originally intended meaning of it, it destroys the functionality of it, and takes it from something that was supposed to be a tool to help people improve themselves and their ability to handle things, and has turned it into a tool to make people more helpless, and more histrionic, and less functional in society. It's terrible to watch this happen." -- "...They may have, in one point in time, strictly used it as a therapeutic term but over time they've warped it into something entirely different. It's almost funny watching social justice warriors get everyone's panties in a bunch over their fear of words, but the reality is it's not funny watching it specifically because of their ability to use 'I'm afraid' as a tool of oppression, as a silencing tool. When it comes down to it, their use of 'safe spaces' has gone from: 'You don't have to be offended,' to: 'You can't talk; I can talk but you can't talk!' It's essentially turned political speech into a threat narrative. It comes from being so entrenched in your own ideology that you take for granted that it's right, and you treat conflicting ideas as an attack, instead of something to consider and evaluate and compare, and treat as an educational experience... it's aspect of a religious-type devotion to dogma. It becomes an exercise in resisting apostasy – blasphemy. And one of the particularly dangerous effects of this 'safe space' phenomenon that social justice warriors have created is the way it's being used to create hostile spaces. The term is being exploited by political ideologues – and it's not just in a way to create closed discussions where they can take a specific idea and extrapolate it into its most complex version and really evaluate it – but instead, like we saw in Calgary, to impose concepts on an audience without allowing the audience the opportunity for an informed assessment of those concepts, and it's basically become a way to encode censorship of political speech to protect that censorship itself from public scrutiny and criticism. So it's not really a 'safe space' for the people involved, and it's not really a 'safe space' for people's feelings, but it's a 'safe space' for encroachment of other people's right to make informed decisions. And social justice warriors will make a point of telling people 'You can't just bring x idea into *this* space! Go somewhere else!' But they're in the process of occupying all of the some-where-elses, and using that term 'safe space' to impose the same political censorship to an increasing degree with the apparent end game being to eliminate entirely any speech of which they disapprove. It's become a code word for 'This is how we take over a given environment or culture and impose our ideology on its inhabitants.' It's a lot like the Orwellian Newspeak where the term means exactly the opposite of what it actually says. The 'safe space' has become one of the most dangerous places to have a conversation."
feminism  victimhood  predation  evil  ideology  politicalcorrectness  illiberalism  thoughtpolice  newspeak  1984 
7 weeks ago
Psychology Today -- [Evolutionary Psychiatry]: Five Year Synthesis: Start Here Post by Emily Deans
'A whole foods diet will be appropriate food for the 100 trillion microbes that live in our guts. These microbes have immune, hormonal, and direct nerve communication with our brains, and they react to processed foods, particularly a flood of processed carbohydrates, in a very negative way that can lead to chronic whole body inflammation with the same type of inflammatory immune response found in people with major depressive disorder. There is also evidence that artificial sweeteners and the emulsifiers found in commercial salad dressings and many other processed foods negatively affect the gut biome.'
psychology  health  food  bacteria  biology 
7 weeks ago
BBC -- What happens to our bodies after we die
'Putrefaction is associated with a marked shift from aerobic bacterial species, which require oxygen to grow, to anaerobic ones, which do not. These then feed on the body’s tissues, fermenting the sugars in them to produce gaseous by-products such as methane, hydrogen sulphide and ammonia, which accumulate within the body, inflating (or ‘bloating’) the abdomen and sometimes other body parts. This causes further discolouration of the body. As damaged blood cells continue to leak from disintegrating vessels, anaerobic bacteria convert haemoglobin molecules, which once carried oxygen around the body, into sulfhaemoglobin. The presence of this molecule in settled blood gives skin the marbled, greenish-black appearance characteristic of a body undergoing active decomposition. -- As the gas pressure continues to build up inside the body, it causes blisters to appear all over the skin surface. This is followed by loosening, and then ‘slippage’, of large sheets of skin, which remain barely attached to the deteriorating frame underneath. Eventually, the gases and liquefied tissues purge from the body, usually leaking from the anus and other orifices and frequently also leaking from ripped skin in other parts of the body. Sometimes, the pressure is so great that the abdomen bursts open.'
death  bacteria  biology 
7 weeks ago
YouTube -- HoneyBadgerRadio: Badgerpod Gamergate 13: Celebrity Authority
Hannah: "They're very good at portraying themselves as the victims of other people's responses to their bullying..." -- Karen: "It is: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denial#DARVO]. It's a classic technique of abuse by Cluster B personality disorders. You attack and attack and attack, and then when somebody finally says 'You're abusing me,' then you act as if that statement is an act of aggression – it's an attack on you – and then you play the victim, like, 'I'm so hurt that you would say that! You're such an abuser for saying that!' And it works so beautifully for people with Cluster B personality disorders, why wouldn't feminists employ it?"
psychology  abuse  victimhood  predation  evil 
8 weeks ago
Childhood Emotional Neglect -- Validation Validation Validation
'...Imagine a little child growing up without the kind of validation that my friend got from google; without the kind of validation that the subjects got in the self-esteem study. Without the kind of validation that Karen was finally able to get from Tom. -- Imagine this little child trying to understand himself, his world, and all the other people in it. Imagine that he doesn’t feel he can ask questions when he needs help. No one notices his feelings or emotional needs. No one says, “Let me explain this to you.” No one says, “Your feelings are normal.” No one says, “I’m here for you,” or “I see your emotions,” either by words or actions. -- This child is being sentenced to an entire life of seeking answers. An entire life of feeling like a non-person. An entire life of feeling less-than. An entire life of feeling angry or baffled or untethered, or all three. An entire lifetime of feeling invalid.'
psychology  childhood  neglect  INTP  shame 
8 weeks ago
What a Shrink Thinks -- The Dragon’s Pearl
'"Some say that originally every proper dragon carried a pearl under his chin…" ~ Ernest Ingersoll, Dragons and Dragon Lore -- "When a pearl oyster is injured, it will form a pearl sac to contain the wound...as part of the healing process. For wherever there is a pearl there is a monster lying on it, wherever there is a treasure, there is a snake wound around it… You cannot get near the Self and the meaning of life without being on the razor’s edge of falling into greed, into darkness, and into the shadowy aspect of the personality. One does not even know if it not necessary sometimes to fall into it, because otherwise it cannot be assimilated." ~ Marie Von Franz, Individuation in Fairy Tales -- ...no matter how strong we are, no matter how skilled, practiced, or well-analyzed, none of us makes it through this life without some profound vulnerability or limitation. We are all weakest at the site of a previous injury, and this is where both the dragon and its treasure settle: nearest to our most fragile and broken bits, in the weakened places that require the greatest courage for us to move toward, alongside our most stunted and undeveloped aspects. Only if we can face down powerful archetypal forces in our most vulnerable states will we really have a chance at a life worth living. -- And maybe this is also the sacred function of the dragon and the unconscious forces that call attention to the wounds: So that we remain cognizant of them, so we recognize that our injuries and our vitalities are always intertwined, so that we remember to return and visit and comprehend that life without our wounds really just means that we are less alive. -- So many come to psychotherapy seeking assistance to kill off their wounds, to repress their distress, to eliminate symptoms, to find a way to get away from their pain and somehow snatch happiness from its jaws. They are convinced that the serpent is the enemy. Just like those who petitioned Asclepius, (the Greek God of medicine) for healing, they stare at me flabbergasted when I suggest that they must sleep among the snakes and enter into relationship with their wound in order to be healed. Psychotherapy (as I practice it) is not, after all, the business of dragon slaying. It can only teach us the language of the serpents.'
psyhcology  psychotherapy  mythology  abyss  individuation 
8 weeks ago
The Rational Male -- The Political is Personal
Comment: Rollo Tomasi: 'From an evolutionary perspective it makes sense; women being the most environmentally at-risk sex needed a social collective to support each other (tribalism), nurture young and cooperatively sustain each other...This might explain women’s collectivist propensity to distribute resources co-equally to peers and only more on a by-need basis. It helps support the survival and proliferation of the collective. -- Now, that’s really simplistic, but put that dynamic into a social order and it looks a lot like socialism.'
men  women  collectivism  socialism 
8 weeks ago
The Rational Male -- Obesity Culture
'Women’s innate solipsism prevents them from ever truly attaining the egalitarian equalist fantasy they ride in order to consolidate that control. Women’s hindbrains want a better-than deal with regards to Hypergamy. Hypergamy doesn’t seek its own level, it wants, it expects a better than deserved exchange for its investment with a man, and it desperately wants assurances that its getting it. -- Thus, on a Hypergamous social scale we see that Protein World’s male focused ad gets no such vandalism. The message is clear – It is Men who must perform, Men who need to change themselves, optimize themselves and strive for the highest physical ideal to be granted female sexual approval. Women should be accepted, respected and expected to inspire genuine desire irrespective of men’s physical ideals. -- ...what we see in a feminine-primary societal order is really a reflection of the female sexual strategy writ large. When we see a culture of obesity, a culture of body fat acceptance and a culture that presumes a natural evolved order of innate differences between the sexes should be trumped by self-impressions of female personal worth, we’re viewing a society beholden to the insecurities inherent in women’s Hypergamy. -- A feminized, feminist, ordered social structure is one founded on ensuring the most undeserving women, by virtue of being women, are entitled to, and assured of, the best Hypergamous options by conscripting and conditioning men to comply with Hypergamy’s dictates.' -- Comment: ianironwood: 'Obesity culture and “fat acceptance” is a naive attempt by low-status women to group-shame men in the guise of “corporate patriarchy”, sure – but it’s much more aimed at their female peers who would go to such lengths. The Crab Basket hates anyone actually working that hard to get ahead – it’s too much effort, and there’s just too much Downton Abbey to watch. By using fat-shaming as the basis for a social justice crusade, the pro-chubby feminists are attempting to shame other women through the power of consensus, and thereby sabotage their willingness to expend an unequal amount of effort out of a misplaced sense of social guilt. -- The real message of the backlash is “You’re setting the bar too-high, and things suck enough for us already! If you skinny bitches don’t stop going to the gym and encouraging the beta-losers to do likewise, you’re compromising the integrity of the consensus concerning our assortive mating choices and encouraging these idiots to actually expect something out of us!” -- Low-SMV women have very little recourse, if the pool of available men in their bracket suddenly start having inflated expectations. The feminist/SJW fat-acceptance movement is essentially a false consensus, as the skinny bitches agreeing with the chub-power girls are faking it. They know the key to high SMV is serious effort . . . but by supporting “fat acceptance” they give their marginal competitors all of the reason they need to rationalize hitting Golden Corral instead of the gym. They use their chub friends to raise their comparative SMV while chattering about “body acceptance”. Meanwhile they’re woofing diet pills, doing yoga, and working out with their other fit friends, rationalizing what they’re doing as “healthy”. Nothing anti-social justice there.'
men  women  hypergamy  sacrifice 
8 weeks ago
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