LadyLame + *humor   93

Blueprints For Building Better Boys - dear_monday - Multifandom
"Eight years ago," Amanda begins, "Dr. Monae and myself began work on the ArchAndroid project. By the time they were ready, we'd designed and tested everything, right down to the cybernetics and the synthetic organs. Two months ago, we switched them on for the first time." Frank, Gerard, Ray, and Mikey are the ArchAndroids. Frank's got a faulty personality circuit, Gerard's primary memory chip is kind of temperamental, there's a bug somewhere in Mikey's speech protocol, and Ray's anger response lags like a motherfucker. They're also the world's most potty-mouthed robots, although with any luck there won't be any occasion for the world's press to find out about that.
host:ao3  rated.e  #mcr  %frank/ray/mikey  "05-20k  =dear_monday  *humor  &robots  *  +polyamory  +fluff  !***  %frank/gerard 
26 days ago by LadyLame
Faint of Heart - pikasafire - My Chemical Romance
Ridiculous pathology!AU In autopsy, it is not a matter of life and death, it's a matter of DEATH AND LOVE! Frank Iero, the new registrar in the mortuary at Mercy hospital, was not expecting autopsy to be sexy, but he also wasn't expecting his hot new boss, Gerard Way. Featuring Cobra Funerals, sap, death by papercuts and LIFE THREATENING SITUATIONS (that don't necessarily involve corpses).
host:ao3  rated.t  #mcr  %frank/gerard  "05-20k  =pikasafire  *romance  *humor  &hospitals&doctors  +misunderstandings  +oblivious  !** 
7 weeks ago by LadyLame
Fucking Bassists - KateMonster - Bandom
Patrick hates bassists. Sort of. Fine, maybe not really. Not like, a lot. Whatever.
host:ao3  rated.t  #mcr  #fob  %patrick/mikey  "<5k  =KateMonster  *fluff  *humor  *romance  +kissing  !* 
7 weeks ago by LadyLame
Mixed Bathing at Home - Bexless - My Chemical Romance
AU which can best be described thus: Bex: it is a pointless AU where gerard writes comics and frank is in leathermouth, but there is no mcr Wax: mmh, aggro leathermouth frank meets gentle frustrated comics gerard? Bex: Bex: gerard gets his toe stuck in a faucet and frank rescues him. Wax: ... Bex: it's the stupidest thing in the world. Wax: how... how do you-- nevermind, I'll just read it.
host:ao3  rated.t  #mcr  %frank/gerard  "05-20k  =Bexless  *romance  *humor  &art&artists  &musicians  !* 
9 weeks ago by LadyLame
Romantic Victories of Peter the Great - inlovewithnight - Bandom
They met in the library, where Pete was briefly concerned that he was actually going to have to fight this guy over a book on conflicts in the Caucasus and how they influenced Russian military policy throughout history.
host:ao3  rated.g  "<5k  =inlovewithnight  #mcr  #fob  %mikey/pete  *fluff  *humor  &college/university  !** 
august 2019 by LadyLame
If We All Could Be So - jedusaur - Bandom
"Did you just put rainbow sprinkles on a mocha?" asks Patrick incredulously.
"Yup," says Pete. "It's a crucial step in my seduction plot. Step two is being amazing at history. Step three, blowjobs."
rated.t  host:ao3  "<5k  =jedusaur  #mcr  #fob  %mikey/pete  *fluff  *humor  +getting.together  +flirting  &college/university  !** 
july 2019 by LadyLame
no need to ask - notthequiettype - My Chemical Romance
"Any, like, uh. Special requests?"
"Something with an applicator."
"They make ones without?"
host:ao3  rated.g  #mcr  %ray&mikey  "<5k  =notthequiettype  *fluff  *humor  +always.a.girl 
july 2019 by LadyLame
clear and present danger - Trojie - My Chemical Romance
In which Mikey is the failiest most disaster-prone stick insect, and Ray scoops him out of harm's way a lot
host:ao3  rated.m  "<5k  =Trojie  #mcr  %ray/mikey  *humor  +van.days  *five.things  !** 
june 2019 by LadyLame
Ass of U - the_ragnarok - Bandom
AU where they're high school teachers. Pete teaches Civics and coaches soccer, Patrick teaches music and jumps to conclusions, and Principal Way does bonding exercises.
host:ao3  rated.g  #fob  %patrick/pete  "<5k  =the_ragnarok  *romance  *humor  +crack  &teachers  !** 
april 2019 by LadyLame
straight up - Trojie - Bandom
Ray will one day blame years of the kind of friendship that involves one person opening the other person up to a host of new, exciting life experiences they wouldn't otherwise have got, and the second person in return spending a lot of time hovering in the ED trying to remember the street names of colourful pills, for what happens after he walks in on Gerard in their hotel room.
host:ao3  rated.e  %ray/gerard  "20-50k  =Trojie  #mcr  *smut  *romance  *humor  +communication.issues  /act(fingering)  +sexual.identity.issues 
march 2019 by LadyLame
front wheel, fuel-injected, and stepping out over the line - Trojie, uglowian - Bandom
In which Gerard and Ray fail to get their shit together, with a full supporting cast (of exasperated Frank Iero and longsuffering Andy Hurley.)
"<5k  #mcr  #fob  =uglowian  =Trojie  rated.t  host:ao3  %ray/gerard  *fluff  *humor  &  +matchmaking  +pining  +friendship  +getting.together  !***  series:shut-up-and-drive 
march 2019 by LadyLame
A Necessary Requirement - Bexless - My Chemical Romance
It is set during the Summer of Like (Warped '05, for those of you who don't know) and is basically a product of my reaction to various pictures of Gerard groping himself on stage, which led to me obsessing about his dick and what it might look like. As usual, I chose to work this obsession out through Frank.
"<5k  rated.m  host:ao3  =Bexless  #mcr  %frank/gerard  *humor  +getting.together 
february 2019 by LadyLame
New Pornographers - heyginger - Fall Out Boy
“Yeah,” Pete says. He takes a deep breath like he’s bracing himself for something. “Yeah, so...Patrick and I made a sex tape.” Suit Number Two’s pen drops to the table with a loud clatter. “And it got out, and it’s about to hit the internet.”
"<5k  rated.t  host:ao3  =heyginger  %patrick/pete  *humor  *crack  +sextape  +happy.ending  !**  #fob 
december 2018 by LadyLame
Stayin' Fluff and Fly - heyginger - Bandom
Remember when Patrick first got Penny and there was all that Penny/Bandit/Hemmy love-triangle MySpace drama? Yeah.
rated.t  host:ao3  "<5k  =heyginger  *humor  *vignette  +dogs  !**  #fob  %gen 
december 2018 by LadyLame
BDSM - heyginger - Bandom
The real problem is that, eventually, Pete and Andy start to notice the bruises.
host:ao3  rated.m  "<5k  =heyginger  %patrick/joe  *smut  *vignette  *humor  +misunderstandings  /bondage  !**  #fob 
december 2018 by LadyLame
Gunpowder & Gelatine - venvephe - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Eggsy’s got this glint in his eye as they edge along the quiet corridor, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth that Roxy knows only means he’s got something in mind.
“Lancelot,” Eggsy’s outright grinning now, “Let’s Legolas-Gimli this shit.”
rated.t  host:ao3  "<5k  =venvephe  #kingsman  %roxy&eggsy  *case/mission  *vignette  *action  *humor  !**  +friendship  %gen 
december 2018 by LadyLame
I'd Shout Hooray - Sena - Bandom
Written for the bandom_meme prompt, Pete/Patrick, 'If You Were Gay,' by Avenue Q.
Pete just wants his friends to know he's supportive, okay?
rated.t  "<5k  host:ao3  =Sena  %patrick/pete  *fluff  *humor  *vignette  !***  #fob  +van.days 
december 2018 by LadyLame
Sugar Daddy (We're Goin' Down) - jedusaur - Bandom
There is a long, heavy silence. Pete caresses Patrick's nipple. Patrick's dad coughs.
There is a very slight chance that this may, possibly, have been a bad idea.
rated.m  host:ao3  =jedusaur  !***  *humor  *romance  "<5k  %patrick/pete  +first.kiss  +first.time  +fluff  #fob 
november 2018 by LadyLame
bang bang into the room (i know you want it) - endquestionmark, soaringrachel - Bandom
“We’re opening a club,” Patrick says. “Me and Pete. We need people.”
“I’m listening,” Gabe says, because apparently he isn’t going to make this easy.
rated.m  host:ao3  &sexclub  *humor  "<5k  %patrick/pete  +fluff  +established.relationship  =endquestionmark  #fob 
november 2018 by LadyLame
i spend my money on the regular miracles - endquestionmark - Fall Out Boy
“My mom is visiting town next weekend,” Patrick starts.
“Point,” Joe says.
“It’s a last-minute surprise trip,” Patrick continues.
“Point,” Joe says.
“I told her I couldn’t meet her for dinner because I had a date.”

(Pete and Patrick meet via a date auction for charity at their college. Fake dating ensues.)
rated.g  host:ao3  !**  &college/university  *fluff  *humor  *romance  "05-20k  %patrick/pete  =endquestionmark  #fob 
november 2018 by LadyLame
Listen To Me Slowly - likeasugarcube - Fall Out Boy
"Okay, you know what," Pete says, sitting up. "There's no way I can sleep through this."
Patrick looks apologetic.
"Sorry, I was trying to be quiet."
"Dude, you kind of suck at it."
rated.m  host:ao3  !***  *fluff  *humor  "<5k  %patrick/pete  =likeasugarcube  #fob  +van.days 
october 2018 by LadyLame
Runs In The Family - cranialaccessory - Assassin's Creed
"I am simply pointing out, that in the past few months, I have had more gay sex than I ever, ever considered having.”
Desmond drank deeply from his beer, and made a face. He was Assassin, but he was above all things a bartender, and this cheap, off-brand beer was an assault on all things he held dear.
“Like, at least two lifetimes worth of gay sex.”
rated.g  host:ao3  =cranialaccessory  !***  #assassin'screed  *humor  "<5k 
october 2018 by LadyLame
The Big Sleep - jibrailis - Inception (2010)
Arthur is a violent sleeper but Eames discovers just how to soothe him.
rated.t  host:ao3  !**  #inception  *fluff  *humor  *  %arthur/eames  "<5k  =jibrailis 
september 2018 by LadyLame
Angry Genius White Noise - copperbadge - The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
One of Pepper’s favorite activities after a long day is putting on sci-fi movies and watching Tony dissect their bad science. He’ll happily spend two hours curled up against her and ranting about the flawed central plan in Armageddon and how REALLY, HE HOPES AN ASTEROID HEADS FOR EARTH, HE’LL SHOW HOLLYWOOD HOW TO REALISTICALLY AVOID AN EXTINCTION-LEVEL EVENT, DAMMIT. Pepper finds it oddly relaxing, like angry genius white noise. Add in Bruce, and she could sell tickets.
rated.t  host:ao3  =copperbadge  !***  #mcu  *humor  *  %bruce/pepper/tony  "<5k  +fluff 
july 2018 by LadyLame
Bad Date - orphan_account - Inception (2010)
All of Ariadne's prayers were answered in the form of a broad-shouldered man with a polite smile on his face. He opened his mouth, but she interrupted before he could speak.
“Are you a homophobe?”
He looked startled, mouth popping open slightly in surprise. “Excuse me?”
Oh, and an accent too. Excellent.
rated.g  host:ao3  #inception  *fluff  *humor  %arthur/eames  "<5k  =orphan_account  &diners&restaurants&bars 
july 2018 by LadyLame
YO, K2tog (it's like a code) - lazulisong - Inception
“Oh my God,” moans Arthur. “I’ve paid less for Somnacin. Good Somnacin.” A horrible thought strikes him. “How much is the yarn --”
“I want you to have an unguarded reaction,” Eames tells him, and pulls him up from the floor.

(They run an extraction on a knitter.)
rated.g  host:ao3  !***  #inception  *humor  *romance  %arthur/eames  "<5k  +bickering  =lazulisong  +knitting 
july 2018 by LadyLame
we're the heirs to the glimmering world - orphan_account - Inception (2010)
"You're an investment banker," Eames tells him. "You're very good. You keep me in the style I'm accustomed to, and we are charmingly co-habitating."
Arthur pauses and tries to take that in.
"Is there a reason why I'm your imaginary boyfriend?" Arthur asks.
rated.g  host:ao3  !**  #inception  *humor  *romance  %arthur/eames  "<5k  =orphan_account 
july 2018 by LadyLame
Friendly Fire - eleveninches - Inception (2010)
A week after the events of the movie, Cobb checks in with his teammates.
rated.t  host:ao3  =eleveninches  !**  #inception  *humor  %arthur/eames  "<5k 
july 2018 by LadyLame
Dangerous When Loaded - gyzym - Inception (2010)
The summary I originally gave for this work appears to be: "So, uh, right, here's 1500 words of drunk Arthur/Eames established-relationship-ish kind of size kinky PWP?" So let's just go with that, shall we?
rated.e  host:ao3  !***  #inception  *humor  *smut  /sizekink  %arthur/eames  "<5k  +alcohol  +feels  =gyzym 
july 2018 by LadyLame
The Prince - astolat - Thor (Movies)
"So, er," Volstagg said, after several moments of silence. "Is — is — er, he — pretty?"
"He's a frost giant!" Thor shouted.
"Is that a no?" Volstagg asked.
rated.e  host:ao3  +arranged.marriage  +mpreg  +bickering  &canon.divergence  #mcu  *adventure  *humor  *romance  "05-20k  %loki/thor  =astolat 
july 2018 by LadyLame
Entanglements - astolat - The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Huh, was Tony's first thought when the spell broke and all of a sudden his brain came back online.
rated.e  host:ao3  /aliens  !**  #mcu  *action  *crack  *humor  *smut  "05-20k  %loki/thor  %loki/tony  %pepper/tony  %steve/tony  +polyamory  =astolat 
july 2018 by LadyLame
and the doors are open - gunsandbutter - Inception (2010)
“Yusuf,” she says, dangerously, “did you give my point man a love potion?”
rated.e  host:ao3  =gunsandbutter  !**  #inception  *humor  *romance  "05-20k  %arthur/eames  +fluff 
may 2018 by LadyLame
Bait and Switch - Sibilant - Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Blake is a too-trusting fool who puts himself out of commission. But Bane is always ready with a back up plan, and Barsad is his ever-loyal, long-suffering follower (or: The Misadventures of Barsad-wing, Defender of Gotham). Sheer, unadulterated crack.
rated.t  host:ao3  =Sibilant  incomplete  !***  #dcu  *crack  *futurefic  *humor  %bane/blake  %barsad&blake  "<5k 
may 2018 by LadyLame
Bad Ideas - pagination - Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Three months too late, Barsad discovers John Blake (1) has been making friends with rats; and (2) is utterly mad.

It’s a learning moment.
rated.g  host:ao3  =pagination  !***  #dcu  *fluff  *humor  %barsad/blake  "<5k  +pets 
may 2018 by LadyLame
Blake's Corollary - pagination - Avenue Q - Lopez/Marx, Batman (Movies - Nolan), Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Done for tdkr-kink prompt. If there are any two men less likely to share their toys than Bane and Bruce, John doesn't want to meet them. Also? John is not a toy, goddammit.
rated.m  host:ao3  =pagination  series:Blake's-Corollary  !***  #dcu  *action  *futurefic  *humor  *romance  "50-100k  %bane/blake  %blake/bruce  +jealousy  +polyamory  +possessiveness 
may 2018 by LadyLame
Used Sparingly - RurouniHime - Inception (2010)
“Not to belabor a point,” Eames crackles into the comm while Arthur’s busy setting up his scope, “but if the rest of the job is going to go like this, we’re all going to need a significantly greater number of escape routes.” (or, Arthur’s subconscious is what we call ‘focused’.)
rated.t  host:ao3  =RurouniHime  #inception  *humor  *romance  %arthur/eames  "<5k 
april 2018 by LadyLame
Phone Tag - Starlingthefool - Inception (2010)
For this prompt on the Inception kink meme: Due to his dyslexia, Eames has memorized tons and tons of literature. He listens to books on tape on his iPod all the time. Arthur has shitty taste in everything (except suits) and listens to, like, radio-friendly rock while Eames is chillaxing with Anna Karenina on long aeroplane journeys.
Because Arthur is efficient and thinks he is being considerate, he records voicemails for Eames instead of emailing him like everyone else. Except when he's talking he tends to give asides along with the official stuff, and Eames replies to him via voicemail, and so develops a kind of AUDIO-THEMED EPISTOLARY ROMANCE ACROSS THE GLOBE.
rated.t  host:ao3  =Starlingthefool  #inception  *epistolary  *humor  *romance  %arthur/eames  "<5k 
april 2018 by LadyLame
Shit Arthur Says - gyzym - Inception (2010)
Written for this prompt: Eames has a secret twitter called, "Shit Arthur Says." Well, secret to Arthur, that is.
rated.t  host:ao3  #inception  *epistolary  *humor  *romance  %arthur/eames  "<5k  +fluff  =gyzym 
april 2018 by LadyLame
Life's Kinda Militant - surexit - Inception (2010)
Tiny bit of fluff in which Eames and Arthur are teachers and Eames is totally from a council estate and is the most awesome role model ever, and then they're boyfriends.
host:ao3  =surexit  rated.t  !***  &teachers  #inception  *fluff  *humor  /language  %arthur/eames  "<5k  +language 
april 2018 by LadyLame
Easter Eggsy - smaychel - Kingsman (Movies)
It's Easter, and Eggsy has a ridiculous plan and a mouth that doesn't know when to stop.
rated.t  host:ao3  !**  #kingsman  *crack  *humor  "<5k  %harry/eggsy  =smaychel 
march 2018 by LadyLame
Eames' Fucking Ace Plan or How Eames Finally Conned Arthur into Sleeping With Him - tourdefierce
The first thing that Eames learns about Arthur, other than the obvious badassery and hotass-ness, is that Arthur likes suits. Sure, it's not the most grandiose observation but it's a useful one.

Eames has feelings, there is a Five Step Plan (where Eames is awesome) and Arthur just fucking rolls with it.
rated.m  host:dreamwidth  =tourdefierce  #inception  *humor  %arthur/eames  "<5k 
march 2018 by LadyLame
Being Chuck Tingle - An_Artificial_Aspidistra - Inception (2010)
A gift for Aja inspired by this tumblr post:

"BTW guys i asked Chuck Tingle if he thought the top fell down in inception and he responded, “in HANDSOME LEOS TIME PARTY the top never fell down sorry charlie”

so fyi i’m going to be referring to this fandom as HANDSOME LEOS TIME PARTY from now on thnks"
rated.t  host:ao3  =An_Artificial_Aspidistra  #inception  *crack  *humor  %arthur/eames  "<5k 
march 2018 by LadyLame
Technically a Virtue - mirabella - Inception (2010)
A mark's execrable taste in kitsch means that Eames has to convincingly forge wings. He's extremely bitter about this, until it becomes obvious that wings have some impressive fringe benefits.
rated.e  host:dreamwidth  =mirabella  !**  #inception  *humor  *smut  /act(anal)  /act(oral)  /wings  "05-20k  %arthur/eames  +wings 
march 2018 by LadyLame
Anything worth its value is worth fighting for - recrudescence - Inception
There are reasons Eames habitually hides the remote. When it comes to television, Arthur’s standards are practically sub-basement.

Inspired by a prompt from the kink meme that wanted Arthur getting stoned and trying to explain his favorite cartoons (particularly Courage the Cowardly Dog) to a less-than-captivated Eames. Contains sex, drugs, and postcolonialism.
rated.m  host:ao3  !**  #inception  *humor  %arthur/eames  "<5k  +drugs  =recrudescence 
february 2018 by LadyLame
Show a Little Backbone - recrudescence - Inception (2010)
"You would find it appealing,” Eames grumbles, giving them both a wide berth as he steps inside. “Your home, your safe haven, and your one companion is something that could kill you."

Inspired by a kink meme prompt: Arthur owns a snuggly pet ball python. Eames is terrified of it. Title shamelessly stolen from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
rated.e  host:ao3  +pets  #inception  *fluff  *humor  %arthur/eames  "<5k  =recrudescence 
february 2018 by LadyLame
The Short Fuse and the Long Con - jibrailis - Inception (2010)
Arthur sleeps with men but won't give Eames the time of day, no matter how much Eames suggests he should.
rated.m  host:ao3  %arthur/others  #inception  *futurefic  *humor  %arthur/eames  "<5k  +pining  =jibrailis 
january 2018 by LadyLame
Breathe Into It - rageprufrock - Inception (2010)
When Mal leans into his office and asks Eames what he did to his back, he can't exactly say, "the new graphics intern," so he says, "Oh, just stress, love."
rated.t  host:ao3  &office  !***  &sports  #inception  *humor  *romance  "05-20k  %arthur/eames  +getting.together  =rageprufrock 
january 2018 by LadyLame
I've Got Nothing To Do Today But Smile (The Only Living Boy in New York) - gyzym - Inception (2010)
Arthur's a corporate lawyer, Eames owns the coffee shop across the street, and all good love stories start with a quadruple shot latte.
rated.t  host:ao3  &lawyers  &coffeeshops&bakeries  #inception  *humor  *romance  "05-20k  %arthur/eames  =gyzym 
january 2018 by LadyLame
Early Returns - rageprufrock - Inception (2010)
Thinking that a reporter genuinely likes you is pretty much on par with feeling like you really are special to that stripper.
rated.m  host:ao3  &newspaper  !***  #inception  *humor  "05-20k  %arthur/eames  +pining  =rageprufrock 
january 2018 by LadyLame
Passing Notes - Mochas N Mayhem (KoohiiCafe) - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
The first time he steals Merlin's clipboard, it’s because Charlie dares him, and like fuck he’s going to let that dickhead think he’s a coward. Roxy tries to talk him down, tells him he’s being an idiot, but he doesn’t let her talk him out of it or try to stop him. Eggsy's not the type to back down from a dare.
rated.m  =MochasNMayhem  host:ao3  #kingsman  *epistolary  *humor  /dirtytalk  "05-20k  %harry/merlin  %harry/merlin/eggsy  %merlin/eggsy  +angst  +happy.ending 
december 2017 by LadyLame
5 Times Someone Assumed Wrong About Harry and 1 Time Someone Guessed Correctly - heartsdesire456 - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
While he knew that their relationship was absolutely the most unconventional relationship ever, he never expected the presumptions people made about them while they were planning the wedding.
Particularly, incorrect presumptions about who exactly Harry was to him.

(5 Times Harry is presumed to be someone other than Eggsy's fiance and 1 time people don't get it wrong.)
rated.t  host:ao3  =heartsdesire456  #kingsman  *five.things  *humor  "<5k  %harry/eggsy  +fluff 
december 2017 by LadyLame
Idiot-Proof - Good_News_Everyone - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
‘Bartender’s motto,’ said Eggsy cheerfully. ‘Quickest way to a man’s heart is through his liver.'
In Harry’s line of work the quickest way to a man’s heart was usually between the ribs just left of his sternum, but he felt it would be impolitic to mention this just now.

Four drinks that Eggsy made for Harry and one Harry made for Eggsy.
rated.t  host:ao3  =Good_News_Everyone  &canon.divergence  #kingsman  *five.things  *humor  *romance  "05-20k  %harry/eggsy  +communication.issues  +pining  +flirting  &diners&restaurants&bars 
december 2017 by LadyLame
The Ladder to Hell - twentyfourblackbirds - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Unfortunately, if you descended another few rungs in Harry’s personal ladder to damnation, wanking to an illicitly-obtained video feed of your protégé and mentee was so far from fine it could have mailed you a postcard of perdition, merrily captioned “Wish You Were Here!”
rated.e  =twentyfourblackbirds  host:ao3  #kingsman  *humor  *smut  /act(anal)  "<5k  %harry/eggsy 
december 2017 by LadyLame
The Whole Truth - evil_brainmate - Kingsman (Movies)
Truth serum has never been perfected to actually get to the truth, and Eggsy is an expert at rambling about nothing.
rated.g  =evil_brainmate  host:ao3  warning:torture  #kingsman  *fluff  *humor  "<5k  %harry/roxy/eggsy 
december 2017 by LadyLame
Rated R for Explicit Language - stereokem - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Gary "Eggsy" Unwin had a filthy fucking mouth.
(Fortunately, so did Harry Hart).
Merlin buzzed into being over both of their coms. “Galahad. Arthur. You two all right?”
“Yeah, we’re fucking fantastic, ‘fanks. We’re comin’ out, tell me you’ve got extraction on the fucking stand-by.”
“Did you—”
“Yeah, we fucking got it done, an’ now genius ‘ere ‘as got ‘imself a bloody injury, so tell me you’ve extraction outside, yeah?”
rated.m  host:ao3  =stereokem  #kingsman  *humor  /dirtytalk  /voyeurism  "<5k  %harry/eggsy 
november 2017 by LadyLame
Bless Thy Hartwood Floors - sushicorps (Inclinant) - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
In which Eggsy just happens to bruise easily, is temporarily living over at Harry’s house for reasons and is hell bent on cleaning out every inch of the attic after seeing the disastrous condition of it.
On his hands and knees if he has to.
Harry would really like to know why everyone has been giving him carpet samples and making suggestions about changing his hardwood floors.
rated.t  host:ao3  =sushicorps  #kingsman  *humor  "<5k  %harry/eggsy 
november 2017 by LadyLame
sins without tragedies - kingstier - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
"Harry, are we married?"
"Aren't we?"
Or, the five times they're practically married and the one time they're not (yet).
rated.t  host:ao3  =kingstier  #kingsman  *five.things  *fluff  *humor  "05-20k  %harry/eggsy 
november 2017 by LadyLame
Close Range Surveillance - Fahye - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
"The world's not ending. Any more," came through the wall to Harry's left.
That was Eggsy's voice, breathless and a touch smug, and apparently carrying on the other side of the orgasm conversation, which was enough to undo any and all calmness that the blue walls might have managed to achieve for Harry.
rated.e  host:ao3  !**  #kingsman  *humor  *smut  /act(anal)  /act(pegging)  /dirtytalk  /toys  /voyeurism  "05-20k  %harry/eggsy  %tilde/eggsy  =Fahye  series:Legends-&-Legatees 
november 2017 by LadyLame
Ätherwellen - coloursflyaway - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
There are three-hundred and twenty-six members in Kingsman's tech departments all over the world, and obviously they have lots of stories to share about their agents and what they do to drive them crazy.
The best way to do so is a super-secret WhatsApp group, and if it gets a challenge for all of them to finally get Harry and Eggsy together, it might just be Merlin's fault.
rated.m  host:ao3  =coloursflyaway  #kingsman  *crack  *humor  "<5k  %harry/eggsy  +pining 
november 2017 by LadyLame
Rampant Rulebreaker - ilokheimsins - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Merlin's given on up on getting Harry to stick to the rules, so he gambles against the other Kingsmen on which one Harry will break next. He has a notebook and everything. Until Eggsy Unwin shows up and Harry starts breaking rules for a whole new reason.
The 5 times Merlin wished he still had hair to rip out and the 2 times he didn't.
rated.m  host:ao3  =ilokheimsins  #kingsman  *five.things  *humor  "<5k  %harry/eggsy  %harry/merlin/eggsy 
november 2017 by LadyLame
Vanilla - coffeeinallcaps - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Eggsy laughs breathlessly. He looks up at Harry--eyes bright, lips wet and puffy--and says, "Can't believe you been denying me this for so long."
Harry touches his thumb to Eggsy's cheekbone, watches Eggsy lean into the touch a little, and thinks, me neither.

In which Harry and Eggsy keep trying (and failing) to have vanilla sex.
rated.e  host:ao3  =coffeeinallcaps  #kingsman  *humor  *smut  /act(anal)  /act(frottage)  /act(handjobs)  /act(rimming)  /dirtytalk  /namecalling  "<5k  %harry/eggsy  +fluff 
november 2017 by LadyLame
Fit to be tied - Deepdarkwaters - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
It's always been a special talent of Harry's to be able to look entirely ridiculous while still being the most mesmerising person in the room. Harry at twenty-one walked around as though the world belonged to him and everybody he met in it was there on his gracious invitation; bad habits learned throughout a childhood of privilege that raised him to believe he was born better and so didn't actually need to be better. Somehow along the way he picked up a sense of humour about it all, a self-deprecating sort of worldview that was so at odds with his caricature aristo parents that Merlin told him once, lying in Harry's bed after some ghastly society ball while Harry followed detailed instructions to fuck himself on his fingers, you're not a Hart, you're a changeling. They'll want you back someday.
rated.e  host:ao3  series:Bespoke  #kingsman  *humor  *smut  /act(oral)  /bdsm  /bondage  /dirtytalk  /voyeurism  "05-20k  %harry/eggsy  %harry/merlin  %harry/merlin/eggsy  %merlin/eggsy  =deepdarkwaters 
november 2017 by LadyLame
Late - Deepdarkwaters - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Sir is something of a private joke between them now: a word with several million different possible inflections, none of which ever convey deference. Nobody else but Harry knows that when Merlin says sir specifically to him in meetings or passing in the corridors, what he actually means is love, or sometimes pet, or frequently you fucking headache Harry Hart I swear to god.
rated.t  host:ao3  series:Bespoke  #kingsman  *fluff  *humor  /bdsm  "<5k  %harry/merlin  +established.relationship  =deepdarkwaters 
november 2017 by LadyLame
The King's Thief - twentyfourblackbirds - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
"Harry," Eggsy said one day, while Harry was deep in a report about weapons smuggling in Ukraine. "I really fancy you."
"Mmm-hmm," Harry responded, flipping to another chapter about airline safety standards in Indonesia.
"If I had to say it," Eggsy mused, slightly put out, "I would, in fact, say that I am deeply, wildly, and madly in love with you."
"That's very good, Eggsy," Harry said absentmindedly, scrawling his signature at the bottom of the paper.
Eggsy sighed. "Sometimes, I might think you don't listen to a word I say."
rated.t  host:ao3  =twentyfourblackbirds  #kingsman  *humor  *romance  "05-20k  %harry/eggsy  +fluff 
november 2017 by LadyLame
putting on the ritz - lazulisong - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
"They think you paid me to be here," hisses Eggsy.
Harry stares at him. "I made your favorite dinner and I have to let your wretched beast sleep on the bed for a month," he says flatly.
"No, they think you paid me to be here," says Eggsy.
"My dear boy," says Harry, "do you think all these third wives married my classmates out of the purity of their affections?"
rated.m  host:ao3  =lazulisong  !***  #kingsman  *humor  "05-20k  %harry/eggsy  +established.relationship 
november 2017 by LadyLame
all the tables turn - DivineProjectZero - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Harry Hart has terrible taste in men.

So it comes as a bit of a surprise when Eggsy smiles at him and the predator inside Harry cocks its head in consideration.
rated.e  =DivineProjectZero  host:ao3  #kingsman  *humor  *smut  /act(anal)  /act(handjobs)  /act(rimming)  /sex-rough  "20-50k  %harry/eggsy  +angst  +fluff  +pining 
november 2017 by LadyLame
Only As Directed - rageprufrock - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
“Arthur is a bad man,” Roxy had said.

“Fucking tell me about it,” Eggsy had muttered, and gone to put on the tarty trousers Harry had picked out for him like a fucking high-end pimp.
rated.e  host:ao3  !***  #kingsman  *humor  *smut  /act(anal)  /act(rimming)  /dirtytalk  "05-20k  %harry/eggsy  +angst  +fluff  =rageprufrock 
november 2017 by LadyLame
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