KuraFire + useful   154

Jo Eberhardt's answer to How do I tell my wonderful 11 year old son, (in a way that won’t tear him down), that the way he has started talking to me (disrespectfully) makes me not want to be around him (I’ve already told him the bad attitude is unaccep
Great answer, and uses the public speaking metaphor as a little script for interactions: “Sweetie, I’m not a sabertooth tiger.”

TL;DR: puberty causes a reinvention of your brain and personality, but grows the amygdala (anger, reactivity) faster than the frontal cortex (decision-making, responsibility, accountability). This leads to angry outbursts or behaviors (disrespectful language) and lack of vulnerability to own up to it.

(She started with an apology first, validating him + making him not get on the defensive.)

Recommendation: talk about what’s going on inside your head with the people you love and who love you.
puberty  childhood  parenting  LoveFirst  Quora  useful  resource  personalities  personal_development 
december 2018 by KuraFire
Crafting Better Conference Materials: Writing Session Descriptions For Dummies - Velvet Chainsaw
1. Make a list of every feature of attending the session.
2. Ask why each feature is included in the first place.
3. Take the why and ask how this connects with the prospective attendee’s desires.
4. Get to the absolute root of what’s in it for the attendee at an emotional level.
workshop  useful  LoveFirst 
december 2018 by KuraFire
Dealing with Self-Doubt - Brendon Burchard
(Self) doubt is common for everyone (except sociopaths and super egomaniacs). Important steps to combat:

#1: Reframe confidence.

Don’t doubt your ability to achieve. Remember instead all the times you figured something out before, and then tell yourself: “I can figure things out. Give me enough time, energy, resources, mentorship, support, and I can figure anything out.”

(And sometimes you don’t get to have all the resources mentioned; that’s when you gotta hustle!)


#2: Show up with intention.

Define who you want to be. Start simple: define three words that you plan on being that day, e.g. “kind, funny, patient.”

Take it to the next level: define a 3x3 overview, of 1) three words that define you in relationship to yourself, 2) three words that define you in relationship to others, and 3) three words that define your success markers.


#3: Get clarity, get a plan, get momentum.

1. Get clarity on what you want to do
2. Plan your steps and actions
3. Develop momentum by creating small-time wins

Don’t be afraid to ask people for their thoughts & ideas, “if you were do to X, how would you go about it?” Learn together; just be respectful of their time and energy, and try to give back. (LF)


#4: Learn vs. judge.

Do a weekly Sunday review of yourself over the course of the week. Focus on LEARNING, not judging. What did your actions (and inactions) teach you about yourself, your work, other people, your perspectives, and so forth.
self_help  doubt  self_doubt  useful  important  LoveFirst  Brendon_Burchard 
october 2018 by KuraFire
How To Make Someone Remember You For A Lifetime - YouTube
- Set the stage for equal connection (same couch, no barriers in-between, etc.)
- Intensely focused attention: being truly present and engaged
- Touch (but: esp for men, be careful around consent and unwanted touch; be very respectful) to foster human connection and platonic intimacy
- Invite people to share their story, and sit with them in their most vulnerable moments; don't immediately defuse or release that tension when it's powerful, but join them
- Be eager to be vulnerable yourself, first, to show others that they can feel safe to be vulnerable with you in return
LoveFirst  Oprah  love  Youtube  Charisma_on_Command  resource  useful 
july 2018 by KuraFire
Ask Polly: My Husband Dumped Me and Took My Business
"In fact, I’d argue that forgiveness and gratitude and sage-scented blessings from the spirit mother aren’t going to do shit for you until you confront the fact that you were robbed. I don’t say that because I think your victimhood by a heartless jerk is the guiding story of your life. I say that because your rage in the wake of this emotional crime is the key. That doesn’t mean you have to yell at anyone. It just means that you, personally, need to feel your feelings at last. Your feelings are not easily reduced to sadness alone. Your feelings are much more complicated than that, and they include anger."

"You need to tell a new, more accurate story about what happened. You have to stop trying to skip to the part where you’re happy again"
advice  Ask_Polly  useful  LoveFirst 
july 2018 by KuraFire
The Wisdom and/or Madness of Crowds
Very useful interactive research simulation on crowd behaviors and influencing.

Lots of relevant studies cited in this.

Important terms:
- Contagions: like how neurons pass signals in the brain, people pass beliefs & behaviors in a society
- Connections: the number of connections affects the ability for ideas to spread. More complex ideas have higher contagion "thresholds".
- Bonding social capital: network connections within a social group
- Bridging social capital: when ideas bridge from one group to another group
- Groupthink: when a group doesn't allow external ideas to permeate in it (often because it challenges their beliefs or world view, and not enough people from outside the group are trickling into it)
- Small World Networks: the formal name / mathematical definition of the ancient wisdom that a healthy society needs a sweet spot of bonds within groups AND bridges across groups, but not everyone in one large group (causes groupthink)

Important lessons:
- "Small World Networks" describe how our brain neurons are connected. This model literally mirrors the human brain
- Small World Networks foster collective creativity, and are better at problem solving
psychology  games  research  simulation  useful  LoveFirst  studies 
june 2018 by KuraFire
The Six Qualities of an Inspiring Speaker
"Most speakers start their speech preparation by asking themselves "what do I want to say?" but an inspiring speaker starts from the perspective of their audience, seeking primarily to serve their aims."
inspiration  public_speaking  presentations  LoveFirst  useful  resource 
may 2018 by KuraFire
How to memorize a speech: Never again forget your lines!
Favorite new one: record yourself and listen to it on repeat, over and over again.
how_to  useful  speeches  presentations  public_speaking  LoveFirst  resource 
may 2018 by KuraFire
The psychology behind better workplace feedback (15 surprising facts)
1. There’s no such thing as valuable feedback from someone you don’t trust
2. Struggling employees already realise that they have a problem
3. The more you listen, the better employees think you are at giving feedback
4. Most employees prefer corrective feedback to praise and recognition
5. The more confident you are, the more likely it is you prefer negative feedback
6. Almost everyone loves receiving feedback, but hates giving it
7. Older workers want more feedback than younger generations
8. Star performers need extra affirmation after setbacks
9. Positive feedback should praise effort, not ability
10. Strong team engagement is built on a culture of honest feedback
11. Improving performance requires both specific goals and specific feedback
12. To improve effort, focus on relative feedback
13. Following-up feedback is critical for improving performance
14. Withholding negative feedback is really about protecting yourself (not the recipient)
15. The more you ask for feedback, the more effective you are as a leader
criticisms  constructive  LoveFirst  research  important  lists  useful  feedback 
april 2018 by KuraFire
Diversity Mediocrity Illusion
"When interviewing, we make a point of ensuring there are women involved. This gives women candidates someone to relate to, and someone to ask questions which are often difficult to ask men. It's also vital to have women interview men, since we've found that women often spot problematic behaviors that men miss as we just don't have the experiences of subtle discriminations. Getting a diverse group of people inside the company isn't just a matter of recruiting, it also means paying a lot of attention to the environment we have, to try to ensure we don't have the same AlienatingAtmosphere that much of the industry exhibits."
diversity  organizations  resource  useful  LoveFirst  women  women_in_tech  hiring  Martin_Fowler 
march 2018 by KuraFire
Gary Moreau’s review of High Performance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become That Way | Goodreads
“Every good consultant will start their session with their objective. Brendon is no exception. “This book is about how people become extraordinary, and why others block themselves from that possibility. It will show clearly and unmistakably why some excel, others fail, and far too many never even try.” A few pages later he adds, “It will reveal what it takes to become not just an achiever but a high performer—someone who creates ever-increasing levels of both well-being and external success over the long term.”

Then comes the hook. Every consultant knows the old saying, “Them that can, do; those that can’t, teach.” That’s why they always give you the pièce de résistance, the handful of words that describes why their idea is different. It can normally be shown as a geometric shape or simple graph. In this case, it is, “High performance is not achieved by a specific kind of person, but rather a specific set of practices, which I call high performance habits.””
Brendon_Burchard  High_Performance_Habits  goodreads  reviews  books  LoveFirst  consulting  advice  useful 
january 2018 by KuraFire
A Better Way To Say Sorry, or How To Apologize In Four Steps
How to apologize:

1. I’m sorry for…
2. This is wrong because…
3. In the future, I will…
4. Will you forgive me?

TO WRITE: an article suggesting social media platforms build an "Apology" feature into their products based on this framework.
advice  children  apologies  sorry  useful  product_design  Product_Matters  to_write  LoveFirst  important 
july 2017 by KuraFire
Countable.js — Live word-counting in JavaScript
Word count utility that might be expandable to track ongoing progress in word count as you write, and not just measure the output. (tool should do both)
writing  writing_tool  useful  JavaScript  tools 
february 2017 by KuraFire
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