Itsokaydean + ptsd!dean   22

Family Man; KelpietheThundergod
"You’re just like him." In that moment, it had felt like nothing could be worse. But at least the pain of those words was sharp and quick, and got him out of his spiral. A punch that he couldn’t exactly roll with, as it cut to deep for that, but the hits stopped coming after "Michael hurt you. He hurt me too." He did get punched in the face a couple times right after. But he deserved that anyway. The pain at home is different. More like being submerged all over again, and every time he reaches the surface, spluttering and gasping, the next wave comes, powerful and acidic.
sam&dean  genre:angst  s14  14.03!coda  ptsd!dean  OCD!dean  worried!sam  worried!castiel  emotionallyhurt!dean  archive:ao3  havepdf  rating:pg-13  genre:gen  0-5k  author:kelpiethethundergod  ~  fandom:supernatural 
december 2018 by Itsokaydean
till the cows come down the river; amonitrate
Sam’s never understood anything, not really, and Dean’s never wanted him to. But he always tries, even for the stuff Dean himself doesn’t understand. Dean’s never known what to do with that.
sam&dean  genre:angst  genre:gen  s5  5.16!coda  unraveling!dean  panicattack!dean  worried!sam  rating:pg-13  havepdf  author:amonitrate  archive:lj  5-10k  ~  ptsd!dean  ptsd!sam  fandom:supernatural 
august 2018 by Itsokaydean
andronicus; minviendha
They fed Dean human flesh in hell. Sometimes he gets the strongest cravings, looking at a girl walking down the street or a jogger on his afternoon run. Or Sam. Especially Sam.
genre:angst  genre:horror  post-hell!dean  ptsd!dean  clueless!sam  dean!killssam  archive:lj  havepdf  rating:R  author:minviendha_(lise)  0-5k  challenge:sharp_teeth  ~  fandom:supernatural 
august 2018 by Itsokaydean
Come Home in the Car You Love; sevenfists
It seems fucking stupid now—worse: naive—but Dean honest-to-God thought that everything would stop after he went to Hell. A big cosmic reset button. Like his death would settle the universe's score and Sam could make himself some kind of real life, one that didn't involve hitching his fate to Dean's inevitable demise.
sam_dean  post-hell!dean  ptsd!dean  worried!dean  worried!sam  suicidal!sam_(past)  s4  boys!getbacktogether  author:sevenfists  archive:ao3  rating:nc-17  tissie  ~  5-10k  havepdf  fandom:supernatural 
november 2017 by Itsokaydean
The Paper Asks Nothing; ameliacareful
When Dean is possessed, Sam is frantic that Dean not experience what he knows possession to be like. Dean's experience of possession means not only loosing bodily autonomy but being tortured with his own worst memories and fears.
sam&dean  s12  Possessed!Dean  ptsd!dean  ptsd!sam  hooker!dean  broken!sam  broken!dean  author:ameliacareful  rating:R  15-20k  havepdf  ~  physicallyhurt!dean  emotionallyhurt!sam  emotionallyhurt!dean  physicallyhurt!sam  genre:gen  genre:angst  fandom:supernatural 
march 2017 by Itsokaydean
Cupid's Got A Gun; geckoholic
Fuck-or-die, set in early S4. But they've been fucking for years, so that shouldn't be a problem, right? Wrong. Ever since hell, Dean's in no hurry to get that show on the road again. They've tried, and it doesn't work, too many bad memories from what's been done to him downstairs. A case that involves a cursed cross and a vengeful witch takes that choice away from them, though...
sam_dean  rating:nc-17  established!relationship  post-hell!dean  ptsd!dean  non-con  cursed!dean  worried!sam  rescuer!sam  caretaker!sam  s4  casefic  author:geckoholic  havepdf  archive:ao3  tissie  ~  kink:fuck-or-die  fandom:supernatural 
february 2017 by Itsokaydean
In the Earth; badbastion
There's something under the ground, Dean can feel it. It had almost reached him when he pulled himself from his grave and now it's following him everywhere, just waiting for its chance to pull him back under the cold, dark earth and bury him forever.
genre:gen  post-hell!dean  character!study  genre:horror  ptsd!dean  hallucinating!dean  post-season3  archive:lj  author:badbastion  havepdf  rating:pg-13  0-5k  tissie  ~  fandom:supernatural 
february 2017 by Itsokaydean
Phantom load; lovesrain44
Dean and Sam return to Boulder, CO, where they investigate a haunted school. The job seems simple enough to Sam, who has good, although vague, memories of living in Boulder back in 1992, when John Winchester rented a single-wide trailer, and the boys were able to walk home from school together. Dean, however, has altogether different memories, far less pleasant and far more damaging. It's during the investigation that Sam discovers the secret that Dean doesn't realize he's been hiding.
genre:gen  pre-series  abused!dean  sexuallyabused!dean  physicallyhurt!dean  emotionallyhurt!dean  oblivious!sam  protective!sam  angry!sam  ptsd!dean  genre:casefic  archive:ao3  author:lovesrain44  50-60k  havepdf  rating:nc-17  tw:non-con  tw:non-con_(past)  challenge:bigbang  tissie  ~  fandom:supernatural 
july 2016 by Itsokaydean
I'm home again in my old narrow bed; maypoles
(Somewhat) Dissociative Dean. In response to the reason of your choice (stress, guilt, specific trauma etc.), Dean begins crumbling emotionally and suffers from what looks like dissociation. Not full-on losing time/memory, more like becoming disoriented, zoning out, being alarmingly unfocused and even unresponsive. This, of course, worries Sam out of his mind. Enter protective!brother mode, angst, and hopefully also moments of tenderness in which Sam attempts to help, to get Dean to focus and be himself again.
genre:gen  genre:angst  depressed!dean  did!dean  caretaker!sam  worried!sam  post-season5  scared!sam  ptsd!dean  archive:lj  rating:r  author:maypoles  havepdf  challenge:hoodie_time  5-10k  ~  fandom:supernatural 
july 2016 by Itsokaydean
+ Prairie Wind; honeylocusttree
"Sam and Dean have been on high-alert and in a high-stress position for years now. When the war is over, Sam insists they take a vacation/consider stopping hunting altogether. They're both having issues, but while for Sam the quiet-time is used for reflecting/rediscovering himself, for Dean with his life-long avoidance issues, not being in the high-alert state is initially nothing less than terrifying. When he suddenly has free time to kill, he crashes, gets sick and can't shake it. (I'm thinking like a cold/flu that turns into pneumonia or something, but whatever you want would work.) Lots of feverish!Dean, of course, angst, and I'd love me some PTSD!Dean or mental-illness!Dean too." (also on
genre:gen  sam&dean  depressed!dean  ptsd!dean  worried!sam  angry!sam  protective!sam  genre:angst  author:honeylocusttree  +  selfharm!dean  rating:pg-13  havepdf  archive:ao3  0-5k  archive:lj  tissie  ~  fandom:supernatural 
april 2016 by Itsokaydean
Enough of its Glory Remains; balefully
Every war has casualties, and Sam and Dean are nothing if not warriors. Scarred both mentally and physically, they find themselves settling into civilian life in Berkeley Springs, West Virginia among the charming townspeople, local history, and peaceful mountain views. Sam finds work at an auto shop and Dean stumbles into a job at the occult bookstore on Main Street with a familiar grimmoire in the window. Things are deceptively quiet as they patch each other up and come to terms with domesticity, the only contact with their old life a quest to rebuild Bobby's library -- until a case crosses their path, the kind they thought they were done with forever. They find themselves once again fighting a vengeful spirit as well as their deeper feelings for each other. Only one is a battle they can win.
sam_dean  physicallyhurt!dean  physicallyhurt!sam  emotionallyhurt!dean  emotionallyhurt!sam  genre:domestic  retired!fromhunting  ptsd!dean  mechanic!sam  bookstoreclerk!dean  rating:nc-17  archive:lj  havepdf  author:balefully  genre:casefic  tissie  ~  first-time  ptsd!sam  20-25k  challenge:bigbang  fandom:supernatural 
february 2016 by Itsokaydean
SPN FIC: Erase My Pain with Your Body: Vignettes from the Torture Chamber (Sam/Dean; NC-17) - ...
The summer is hotter than usual. Dean suffers; the intense heat reminds him of a time in his life he'd rather forget. Luckily Sam is with him. It isn't that Sam is doing anything, really, but he manages to help Dean cope with the torture he endured in Hell anyway.
sam_dean  traumatized!dean  ptsd!dean  post-hell!dean  protective!sam 
february 2016 by Itsokaydean
Darkness Shall Follow; faye_darthmouth
It doesn't matter who it is. It just matters that it's not both of them. That he's going to save one and probably condemn the other. This destroys him either way
pre-series  hypothermic!sam  hurt!sam  hurt!dean  hurt!john  rating:pg-13  author:faye_darthmouth  needspdf  ptsd!dean  ptsd!sam  buriedalive!sam  buriedalive!dean  worried!john  bamf!john  fandom:supernatural 
october 2015 by Itsokaydean

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