Itsokaydean + angst   62

hutterite mile; henchgirl
on from here walking dreams awake
i think not i think not
the sky comes king blown in every direction
and of no country
i am straw

...and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down, and Dean's never had brick to hide behind, or anything but Sam and a gun and a responsibility too big for him, and this is all going to hell with terrifying speed and he can't shoot this wolf because it's his family. 
supernatural  gen  StanfordEra  S1  s2  pre-series  sam&dean  angst  weary!dean  archive:lj  havepdf  rating:pg-13  author:henchgirl  tissie  ~ 
january 2018 by Itsokaydean
+ the lost boys; henchgirl
”So,” Sam says, ”how long is 'a few days', Dad?”

He can't help the pointed emphasis on Dad, falling into old patterns oh so very quickly, but John doesn't rise to the bait. It bugs him, that maybe in these years his Dad has changed more than he has.

”Six...maybe seven. Months.”

And maybe he hasn't.
supernatural  gen  kidnapped!dean  kidnappedbyfaeries!dean  angst  S1  rating:pg-13  archive:lj  author:henchgirl  havepdf  tissie  ~  +  nicnivin_verse 
january 2018 by Itsokaydean
Lasagna; Janissa11
It's been a long time since Dean cooked for Sam. Sequel to "Red Beans and Rice."
supernatural  sam&dean  cook!dean  angst  drunk!dean  s2  rating:pg-13  author:janissa11  archive:ao3  havepdf  ~  tissie  redbeansandrice_verse 
january 2018 by Itsokaydean
Indelible; Destina
It was never the unnatural monsters that brought Dean down. Not their claws, or their teeth, or their poison, or any dark magic they possessed. It seemed instead to be natural and man-made things - electricity, or metal twisting and glass shattering, or a farmer's dead aim as he tracked the strangers on his land.
supernatural  sam&dean  pre-series  john_winchester  hurt!Dean  Hurt!Sam  Protective!Sam  Protective!Dean  worried!john  angst  havepdf  archive:extsite  author:destina  minor!het  rating:nc-17  tissie  ~ 
january 2018 by Itsokaydean
The Thousand Ways To Bleed; LithiumDoll
Hours later, Sam opens his eyes. He can see Dean's mouth is set in a tight line and he can't remember the last time he saw his brother smile.
supernatural  sam_dean  S1  angst  cursed!sam  cursed!dean  characterdeath_(implied)  characterdeath_(sam)  characterdeath_(temporary)  boys!stuckinatimeloop  author:lithiumdoll  rating:pg-13  archive:ao3  havepdf  tissie  ~ 
may 2017 by Itsokaydean
take what you want; bertee
Jensen and Jared are happily married. Jensen is an ex-prostitute who satisfied the rich and famous, Jared is the rich businessman who fell in love with him and OMC is the asshole who recognises Jensen on one of Jared's business meetings/poker evenings/whatever and who thinks that Jensen is still on the market.
rps  jared_jensen  hooker!jensen_(past)  ceo!jared  married!boys  non-con_(attempted)  hurt!Jensen  outsider!pov  angst  angry!jensen  au  author:bertee  archive:ao3  havepdf  rating:nc-17  tissie  ~ 
may 2017 by Itsokaydean
Rough Trade; Whisky
Arthur is an investment banker. He is professional and efficient. He's a halfway decent cook. He's totally independent and has been since the age of eighteen. Maybe he's tired all the time because he works about ninety hours a week which is twice what normal people do, but he's rich and he's competent at his job. He's almost thirty, and already a success.

And there are some things Arthur is not. For instance: Arthur is not gay.
inception  arthur/eames  angst  internalizedhomophobia!arthur  first-time  workaholic!arthur  teacher!eames  good!porn  depressed!arthur  closeted!arthur  rating:nc-17  archive:ao3  havepdf  author:whisky  tissie  ~  roughtrade_verse 
february 2017 by Itsokaydean
Make Thick My Blood; themegalosaurus
“You’re going to kill me, Dean,” Sam says, eventually. 
And all Dean can say is, “I think I am.”

A season 10 AU, set after 10x14 ('The Executioner's Song'). Cas finds a solution that might cure the Mark of Cain; but if they're going to go through with it, Sam has a terrible price to pay.
supernatural  sam_dean  moc!dean  demonbloodissues!sam  detox!sam  determined!sam  s10  worried!dean  worried!sam  sam!savesdean  angst  archive:ao3  author:themegalosaurus  havepdf  rating:R  tissie  ~ 
february 2017 by Itsokaydean
Gossamer; leonidaslion
Come away, o human child! To the waters and the wild with a faery hand in hand, for the world's more full of weeping than you can understand

(Dean is kidnapped by Fae. Chronological order inside)
supernatural  sam_dean  dean_omc  fae!dean  amnesiac!dean  frantic!sam  rescuer!sam  Protective!Sam  non-con  author:leonidaslion  angst  archive:ao3  havepdf  tissie  ~  au  rating:nc-17 
november 2016 by Itsokaydean
When you can't hold what I hold dear; sinestrated
Sam and Dean have always had rough, hard sex that leaves Sam aching in a good way for days. Dean loves the sex and so does Sam, but lately Sam is worried that he is only a quick hot fix for his brother. A body to fuck. Dean shows him that Sam is so much more."
supernatural  sam_dean  established!relationship  jealous!sam  freakedout!sam  insecure!sam  insecure!dean  angst  rating:nc-17  archive:lj  author:sinestrated  havepdf  tissie  ~ 
july 2016 by Itsokaydean
Devil's In the Details; tribble master
Saying it's only a picture is like saying it's only a job. It's only a picture but it means so much more. Dean unfolds it every night and counts the details. Sometimes a book moves, or a pages turns. One time a glass of juice appeared on the table. In the middle of the picture Sammy sits. His hazel eyes are always looking upward, even with his shoulders hunched and his hands in his lap.

Dean holds the picture with shaking hands and swears he'll make it right.
supernatural  gen  hurt!sam  scared!dean  scared!sam  S1  trapped!sam  cursed!sam  cursed!dean  horror  john!forgetsaboutsam  angst  author:tribble_master  havepdf  rating:pg-13  archive:ffnet  tissie  ~  lilbrorec 
may 2016 by Itsokaydean
Golden Lights Go Dark Tonight (Gen, R): pixel_0
In the beginning, Sam only wanted to save Dean. By the end, everything and nothing had changed
supernatural  gen  demon!sam  postdeal!dean  ruby  azazel!sam  angst  sam!triestosavedean  author:pixel_0 
may 2016 by Itsokaydean
Warm strangers
All of Monument, Colorado grieves when an explosion destroys the local police station and everyone in it. But who shall mourn for Sam and Dean Winchester, the two fugitives also present? (has remix)
supernatural  gen  outsider!pov  s4  angst  author:extraonions  udeli 
april 2016 by Itsokaydean
Takes place at the TCA's, If Jared doesn't hear a word Sandy has said to him it's because the voices and music drown her out. Not because he's been to busy watching Jensen flirt with Orlando Bloom.
supernatural  rps  jared_jensen  breakup  angst  author:wine_into_water  udeli 
april 2016 by Itsokaydean
The Crowded Room; kellifer_fic
Dean never realised how right he was when he started thinking that there was a stranger in his passenger seat. (Sam w/split personalities of the other psychic kids)
supernatural  gen  powers!sam  worried!dean  angst  author:kellifer_fic  sam&dean  psychic!sam  splitpersonalities!sam  rating:pg-13  archive:lj  havepdf  tissie  ~  s2 
april 2016 by Itsokaydean
Specific relativity; gekizetsu
Notquiteright!Sam and superprotective!Dean hunt for the ‘special children’ gone bad when they’re not hunting demons with their father.
supernatural  casefic  author:gekizetsu  angst  protective!dean  gen  sam&dean  powers!sam  disabled!sam_(mentally)  archive:extsite  needspdf  tissie  ~ 
april 2016 by Itsokaydean
Fanfic: Beyond Good And Evil, Supernatural | FanFiction
Sam discovers a book of new Devil's Traps in one of the library rooms of the bunker, but when he tries duplicating them, one backfires on him. Unfortunately, Dean is still in town when Sam realizes he is trapped and steadily growing weaker inside the circle.
gen  hurt!sam  protective!dean  trials!sam  angst  hurt_comfort 
april 2016 by Itsokaydean
Let's Not Call It A Game - Masterpost - it's the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning
John tries to deal with the fallout from the shtriga. He tries to keep it together, but it's hard dealing with his own issues when Sammy doesn't know what to do with his father's sudden attention and Dean...John has no idea what to do with Dean at all. Sometimes it's just easier to lock himself away with a bottle of tequila and wait for the world to go away.
gen  pre-series  hurt!dean  hurt!sam  angst  hardass!john 
april 2016 by Itsokaydean
Fanfic: Cellophane Soldier, Supernatural | FanFiction
Sam doesn't look good in white. That's the first thing he notices. It makes him look pale. Sallow, sick, weak, tired. It's his eyes, that's the biggest difference. When Sam wears blue, his eyes look like the ocean. When he wears green, his eyes look like the forest. When he wears white, apparently, his eyes look … hollow. Cold. Empty.
sam_dean  Sam_Lucifer  postcage!Sam  hallucifer  angst 
march 2016 by Itsokaydean
these are the best years of your life, son: candle_beck
John drove all night and got back late, almost midnight in Texas. They were living out in the oil fields, in a two-room house made of white clapboard, in the grip of derrick shadow and blistering heat. He'd been up maybe three, four days straight.
sam_dean  pre-series  angst 
march 2016 by Itsokaydean
Fanfic: In Loco Parentis, Supernatural | FanFiction
"I think you're wrong about that."

"Sam, who's done more research on this, huh? I'm totally right."

"I don't think watching every episode of X-Files counts as research, Dean."

"Right, so, the government is totally up front with us about everything." Dean's phone suddenly started playing in his pocket, and Sam cast a disinterested glance that way. He looked up again when Dean's arm suddenly barred across his chest. Oh, yeah, intersection, look both ways.
gen  kidnapped!dean  protective!sam  angst  hurt_comfort 
march 2016 by Itsokaydean
Supernatural fic: Ricochet - sometimes you need a story
It's been two weeks since Fort Douglas, and Dean still struggles to stay awake each night to watch over Sammy. If Dad catches him sitting up in a chair, he makes him get into bed, so it's really hard to stay awake. (prequel of recoil, linked in)
gen  wee!chesters  pre-series  protective!dean  protective!john  angst 
march 2016 by Itsokaydean
“What is it you want, Dean?” she asks, liquid brown eyes flashing at him alluringly.

It was my fault. I couldn’t warn him. When he…when the kid came for him, I wasn’t able to. It was my fault.
sam_dean  pining!sam  mute!dean  angst  postdeal!dean  pre-series 
february 2016 by Itsokaydean
There was close. And then there was too close.

Sam had lived with close all his life.

Close was squeezing together the separating pieces of your brother's thigh and sewing the bleeding wound closed with tiny crooked stitches, not allowing your hands to shake until you were done.
angst  sam_dean  minor!het  traumatized!sam  hurt!sam  hurt_comfort 
february 2016 by Itsokaydean
Fic: Imperfectly, 1/3 (SPN: Wincest) - Galeotto fu il libro e chi lo scrisse
We get a little further from perfection each year on the road. Future fic: 5 years hence. Sam and Dean are still learning how to go on living.
sam_dean  established!relationship  casefic  sam!w_scar  hurt!sam  angst  archive:lj  futurefic  author:zooey_glass04 
february 2016 by Itsokaydean
Fic (Supernatural): Ten Strangers - Part One - Mandy's Bitch
The most tender place in my heart is for strangers - Neko Case
sam_dean  angst  sam!leaves 
february 2016 by Itsokaydean
somwhere i have never travelled - Supernaturalfic - Fic/Art/Vids
“Dad’s asleep,” Dean says, finally coming to sit down next to his brother. Sam doesn’t say anything, just glances sidelong at him, and Dean picks up a few rocks and chucks them across the street too. Sam’s silences are long lately, settling in the greens of his irises and the blacks of his pupils. Dean watches him push stones aside, slide his worn sneakers (more hand-me-downs) across the dirt. “Sam.”
sam_dean  angst  angry!dean  angry!sam  emotional!hurt 
february 2016 by Itsokaydean
So, today Jacyn and I are fucking off even more than usual. If we…: ethrosdemon
The biggest problem in Sam and Dean Winchester's lives is, basically, themselves.

Dean eats Ruffles on his bologna and mayonnaise sandwiches. Sam only uses cinnamon-flavored toothpaste.

Dean's a little superstitious. "I don't eat pork on the eighteenth of the month," he says when Sam brings back a pulled pork sandwich from the gas station/truck stop/jamboree park/Moonie reeducation depot, or whatever the fuck this place is. Sam just watches Dean's profile and thinks about Dean touching his forehead with the knuckle of his right index finger as he drives under a bridge and Dean turning his ring exactly eleven times after he jacks off—that's how Sam knows Dean hasn't been taking a dump or contemplating suicide in the bathroom every time Dean does it.
sam_dean  supernatural  powers!sam  angst  hurt!dean  hurt_comfort 
december 2015 by Itsokaydean
At Night; pixel_0
I. At night, Sam manages their finances. He charged more than ten thousand dollars to the various credit cards he found in the Impala’s glove box in the first week after Dean’s accident. He paid for hospital visits, special doctors, and medications that he thought would help Dean.
angst  supernatural  sam&dean  genre:gen  genre:angst  1.12!coda  physicallyhurt!dean  emotionallyhurt!sam  characterdeath_(dean)  S1  author:pixel_0  rating:pg-13  archive:lj  havepdf  0-5k  tissie  ~ 
november 2015 by Itsokaydean
Fic: Clean Getaway (1/2) - A listless poem of love sincere
It was cute for about a week. But it it's been several months now and somehow Sam is still not getting it. (part of a verse, linked in.)
sam_dean  schmoop  angst  rating:nc-17  imported_delicious 
november 2015 by Itsokaydean
Supernatural - Post Devil's Trap ficlet.: eloise_bright
“Sam? You okay?” There’s a quiet urgency in Dean’s voice, but he doesn’t sound hurt. Not like he’s been bled out from the inside. Not like he’s been crushed and slammed into twisted metal and breaking glass. He’s a good boy. Watching out for Sammy. Like h
angst  supernatural  au  deathfic  john  winchester  dean  imported_delicious 
november 2015 by Itsokaydean
If asked, Dean probably wouldn't have said he had a bad childhood. There were plenty of good times, and he never once felt unloved. Sam might have developed another opinion because he, unlike Dean, had been exposed to people whose family lives had been ra
pre-series  hooker!dean  angst  au  imported_delicious 
november 2015 by Itsokaydean
Title: Reasoned Necessity Rating: NC-17 Summary: Not all the… - Torchwood Four
It's harder, now that he's out of his teens. If the johns are looking for a harmless fuck with a pretty young thing, they don't look at him. They only go older if they want something a little weird, a little kinky. A lot dangerous. (sequel to No Virtue Li
pre-series  supernatural  angst  hooker!dean  rating:nc-17  imported_delicious 
october 2015 by Itsokaydean
SPN: "Dream a Little Dream": tir_synni
The last thing Dean remembered was Bobby’s yard. The next thing he knew, his dad and brother were there, and he was screaming.
hurt!dean  supernatural  angst  timetravel!dean  de-aged!dean  pre-series  imported_delicious 
october 2015 by Itsokaydean
Skin - rated NC-17 - AU "Skin" Supernatural slash - Nev's PolyaMorous Muse
He thought they'd never leave St. Louis. He'd wanted to get back on the road right away, but that hadn't been possible. Sam had needed time to pull himself together. Dean had understood. At first. Hell, he'd been nothing but understanding. He'd even taken
rating:nc-17  sam_dean  shapeshifter!dean  angst  hurt!sam  imported_delicious  non-con 
october 2015 by Itsokaydean
SPN Fic: Payment Plan- 1/3 - Rated R: minkmix
When John fails to pay a debt a dangerous man comes after his children...(Outside POV which switches in the epilogues, note epilogue tags for further info.)
pre-series  hurt!dean  wee!chesters  supernatural  angst  protective!john  bamf!John  pastorjim  sam  winchester  imported_delicious 
october 2015 by Itsokaydean
Works in mysterious ways; lyra_wing
It's time to give Dean some psychic powers of his own. All I can say is, you are what you eat.
supernatural  powers!dean  angst  hurt!dean  protective!sam  gen  archive:lj  needspdf  sam&dean  author:lyra_wing  rating:pg-13  tissie  ~ 
october 2015 by Itsokaydean
Death's Other Kingdom - flourishing in subterfuge
Life before. Life after. Dean had seen so many turning points. But this one trumped them all. Before Sam fell. Before. And after.
supernatural  angst  hurt!sam  braindamaged!sam  protective!dean  gen  torec  imported_delicious 
october 2015 by Itsokaydean
Hangover; mentholpiexie
'Dean, look, I know things... got out of hand last night. I'm sorry. Tell Sam I'm sorry. Just... call me back when you get this. Tell me when you're coming home.' (pt 4)
mean!john  drunk!john  hurt!sam  forcedshaving!sam  pre-series  abused!sam  protective!dean  supernatural  needspdf  author:mentholpixie  whiskey_verse  angst  rating:pg-13  archive:lj 
august 2015 by Itsokaydean
Króka-Refs saga - What Doesn't Kill Us, ADULT, 1/1
AU. Normal doesn't mean anything when it comes to Winchesters, and they do what they have to to keep the team together.
sam_dean  non-con  angst  rating:r  imported_delicious 
june 2015 by Itsokaydean
Epiphany; janissa11
It’s summer, the summer of 1995, and they’re in eastern New Mexico, holing up for the moment at Eldon Joseph’s enclave on the Red River.
non-con  hurt!dean  protective!john  bamf!John  Protective!Sam  pre-series  supernatural  dean_omc  sexuallyabused!dean  angst  author:janissa11  archive:lj  havepdf  tissie  ~  rating:R 
may 2015 by Itsokaydean
They hunted 'til darkness came on, but they found - Fic: Swimming Lessons (SPN, Sam/Gabriel, PG)
Gabriel never takes his shirt off, even when it's the middle of June and a hundred degrees outside. Obviously, Sam has to prod him until he figures out why.
sam_gabriel  spn  rating:pg  hurt_comfort  hurt!Gabriel  angst  imported_delicious 
july 2014 by Itsokaydean
it's the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning - It Leaves a Stain On All Your Clothes (And No Detergent Gets It Out) - Masterpost
Back in 1992 the Winchesters spent a summer with an old hunter in Louisiana. Dean never told anyone about what happened during those nights, when John was out and Sammy was asleep. Now, they need to go back there on a hunt and Sam should really stop askin
supernatural  hurt!dean  angst  non-con  pre-series  protective!sam  bamf!John  casefic  rating:r  author:purple_carpets 
june 2014 by Itsokaydean
savorvrymoment: Follow You Home - Sam/Gabriel, R
Sam, however, has no earthly body buried in the ground. He has no coffin to crawl out of, no dirt to dig through. Everything he had went down into the cage, and when he wakes up suddenly out of death, he’s lying in the middle of the graveyard, staring up
sam_gabriel  supernatural  angst  hurt!sam  hurt_comfort  imported_delicious 
june 2014 by Itsokaydean
So We Don Our Mental Armor, a supernatural fanfic | FanFiction
When the angels left prior to 2014, Castiel wasn't the only one left behind which makes him brothers in arms with Gabriel once more.
Castiel  Gabriel  Dean  pg-13  human!Castiel  human!Gabriel  angst  endverse  post-apocalypse  imported_delicious 
june 2014 by Itsokaydean
With Intimations of Catastrophe, a supernatural fanfic | FanFiction
This takes place in the alternate future of 5x04, only involving Gabriel as discovered in 5x08. Nothing else has changed, but when the angels leave, Castiel isn't the only one left behind.
Castiel  Gabriel  endverse  pg-13  post-apocalypse  angst  Dean  hurt!Gabriel  human!Castiel  human!Gabriel  fallen  angels  imported_delicious 
june 2014 by Itsokaydean

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