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Twitter
RT : "Oh you work in advertising. What have you done that I might have seen?"
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just now
Twitter
RT : Love being addicted to an app that tells me the world’s cutest dog has died and makes me watch a horde of teen psyc…
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18 hours ago
Twitter
-mandatory full frontal nudity

-you can now embed midis into tweets

-the dollar symbol doesn’t wo…
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3 days ago
Twitter
RT : FLASHBACK:

Klobuchar: "A president persuading a person to commit perjury would be obstruction. Is that right?"
Bar…
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3 days ago
Twitter
every emo band is either called “do you remember walking by the river that day in late September? I loved you then…
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5 days ago
Twitter
RT : Despite what the headlines say, Pelosi is not asking.
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5 days ago
Twitter
me explaining FF8 to my therapist: teens in a military academy
her: ok
me: but they find out they were created to k…
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6 days ago
Twitter
We got pretty wild in Florida.
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6 days ago
Twitter
I'd be all about that if >2/3 of the websites that have come across my desk are formed to usin…
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6 days ago
Twitter
A marijuana dispensary in Pittsfield will become the seventh recreational store in the state when it opens its door…
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11 days ago
Twitter
Please View My Beautiful Rescued Son
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12 days ago
Twitter
RT : Photo from Jeff Haynes, Treyvon Hester tipping Cody Parkey’s final kick.
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12 days ago
Twitter
RT : AP FACT CHECK: Leia put the blame for the destruction of Alderaan on Darth Vader. But it takes two to tango. Vader…
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12 days ago
Twitter
I’ve never been scandalous before omg. The best part is everyone being like “you’re a failure with problems” becaus…
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12 days ago
Twitter
Sadly, I was up most of the night because of how uncomfortable I was. I really hate to have to cancel things with m…
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13 days ago
Twitter
The American people did not organize the biggest midterm election in ~100 years so their new leaders could sit back…
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13 days ago
Twitter
Put these in ya ear then cover em up a little with a durag. Folks won’t know the diff. They only $30. Big Mac/Big…
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13 days ago
Twitter
RT : Ironically, a 70% marginal tax is much more moderate than historical alternatives such as the guillotine, which onl…
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13 days ago
Twitter
In ten years I wanna live in a beach town with my wife who is always drunk or on mushrooms but comes from old money…
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14 days ago
Twitter
thrilled to announce mensa has uncancelled me on their demented fb group
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14 days ago
Twitter
RT : Snoop's message to furloughed employees during the government shutdown is really quite something 👀
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14 days ago
Twitter
having too many tabs open is an age-old problem
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14 days ago
Twitter
auntie bringing her “friend” to grandma’s bday party
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15 days ago
Twitter
I told yall I’ve been summoning my ancestors. Everyone who has done me wrong. Flayed lord comin for ya ass
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15 days ago
Twitter
So a man walks into a gas station ... and finds surprisingly good food
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15 days ago
Twitter
Just another walk in the woods.
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15 days ago
Twitter
RT : The need for civility and polite language is obvious from the failure of Trump and the GOP at large to succeed in t…
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17 days ago
(429) https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1081231944640352258
Other major cities have fully automated subway lines and Cuomo needs to name drop the car company whose vehicles ca…
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17 days ago
Twitter
sometimes (almost always) the simplest messaging is the most effective

"if you make less than $100,000 i'm gonna l…
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17 days ago
Twitter
Millennials in Congress just went up by 420%
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17 days ago
Twitter
Metaphors are as hard.
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18 days ago
Twitter
My sister and I shared a car in High School. She put a HUGE fairy in the back window - it was the…
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18 days ago
Twitter
That McDonald’s video is so insane because all these cowardly employees let this black woman be assaulted and STILL…
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18 days ago
Twitter
I hear women candidates are most likable in the quiet car! I’ll be talking again on @ 9pm ET.
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19 days ago
Twitter
We found him, the smartest person on Earth. 🖋 by
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19 days ago
Twitter
RT : The modern-day “For sale: Baby shoes. Never worn”
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19 days ago
Twitter
Right, which is why I started a beer menu.

But I mean... a lot of wait staff are "okay" if they are a bo…
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25 days ago
Twitter
It's hard to train out ambivalence though, ya know. I used to work in a restaurant for YEARS and couldn't…
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25 days ago
Twitter
RT : The Shape of Water (2017)
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25 days ago
Twitter
This show was incredibly ahead of its time
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26 days ago
Twitter
🔘 freelance
⚪️ starve / get evicted
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26 days ago
Twitter
We love all dogs, one of my best friends is a pit bull.
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4 weeks ago
Twitter
RT : 8am: “I love my daughter, I can’t wait to fill her day with fun!”

5pm:
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4 weeks ago
Twitter
this website is going to be unusable
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4 weeks ago
Twitter
Oh man, was pure magic. Congrats to all involved. I’m floating.

, you handsome devil. ;)…
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5 weeks ago
Twitter
Well that's impressive and dang useful. Cool URL too.

(Remove Image Background 100% automa…
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5 weeks ago
Twitter
me: youtube culture is bad
also me: there's a guy who gets stung by poisonous wasps for our amusement and he's incr…
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5 weeks ago
Twitter
Guys literally live in apartments like this and don't see the problem
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5 weeks ago
Twitter
That’s not how I remember it
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5 weeks ago
Twitter
*tries to kiss downlow boyfriend in public*

him:
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5 weeks ago
Twitter
RT : We're interested in your experiences with how Chicago tickets and collects debt, something we've been writing about…
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5 weeks ago
Twitter
RT : If they’re already coming, it’s probably too late.
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5 weeks ago
Twitter
One of my top favorite things is when the platform I use for like 65% of my job goes down or has a bug and I can't…
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5 weeks ago
Twitter
RT : I can’t believe they let us make this show 😂😂😂 Coming Jan 18th 2019 on to fuck shit up!
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5 weeks ago
Twitter
We can never really get away from our past.
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5 weeks ago
Twitter
"President Pence, PRESIDENT Pence, President PENCE. You got this Mike, stay focused. History might forget I was eve…
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5 weeks ago
Twitter
RT : Hand tremors and the giant-button-problem
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5 weeks ago
Twitter
only king of R&B we acknowledge
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6 weeks ago
Twitter
This includes places that print out receipts with a line for tips. My dumb face just paid $15 for 4 c…
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6 weeks ago
Twitter
Having worked in retail & waiting tables - you give me an opportunity to toss a couple bucks someone'…
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6 weeks ago
Twitter
my grandma died this morning, we were not close but shared a mental illness. it hurts my heart that there was a lar…
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6 weeks ago
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