suicidal!sam   421

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+ scratch; Askance
Dean's been fixated on Sam all his life; it's no secret. It's only when Sam abandons him for normalcy that his obsession becomes something darker, more necessary--and incredibly violent. And even when Sam comes home to him, there's no guarantee that Dean will ever be the same.
supernatural  sam_dean  established!relationship  serialkiller!dean  dean!killssam  suicidal!sam  suicidal!dean  psychopath!dean  tw:suicide  genre:angst  genre:horror  genre:canon_compliant  archive:ao3  havepdf  rating:nc-17  author:askance  15-20k  +  ~ 
9 weeks ago by Itsokaydean
Behold, A Pale Horse; cherie_morte
AU after 8x23: When Sam fails to complete the third trial, a tear in the barrier between Earth and Hell is created and hellspawn called shadon are unleashed. The only way to bind these creatures and close the gates of Hell is for a sacrifice to be made by the man who chose his own life over completing the trials, and this time, the price is even greater. In order to correct the apocalypse he's released, Sam must kill his soulmate and live with the consequences. After years without Dean, Sam dies on a hunt and thinks he will finally be reunited with his brother in Heaven. But when his reaper appears, it's Dean himself, and he's not as willing to reap Sam as Sam is to be reaped
supernatural  sam_dean  characterdeath_(temporary)  characterdeath_(dean)  characterdeath_(sam)  death!dean  sam!keepshunting  sam!keepsdying  reaper!dean  suicidal!sam  s8  Protective!Dean  sam!killsdean  post-trials!sam  rating:nc-17  author:cherie_morte  archive:ao3  havepdf  tissie  ~  physicallyhurt!dean  genre:angst  emotionallyhurt!dean  physicallyhurt!sam  emotionallyhurt!sam  15-20k  challenge:*bang 
january 2018 by Itsokaydean
Punxsutawney; astolat
So that was it. Dean stared at the ceiling. It was mostly same as in the other forty-three master bedrooms in town. The whole community had been built by the same developer: there were six layouts, three wall materials, two kinds of roofs, and twenty-eight other women among the owners, twenty-seven of whom he'd already slept with, some more than once, before getting to Mrs. Ballantine.
supernatural  sam_dean  first-time  freakedout!dean  freakedout!sam  suicidal!sam  suicideattempt!sam  lilbrorec  boys!stuckinatimeloop  pining!sam  archive:ao3  author:astolat  rating:nc-17  havepdf  5-10k  tissie  ~ 
december 2017 by Itsokaydean
Five Weeks; rei_c
It's seven pm, January twenty-fourth, and Jessica Moore is sitting on her couch with a crying omega in her lap.
supernatural  sam_dean  Sam_Jess  au:alpha/beta/omega  alpha!dean  alpha!jess  omega!sam  emotionallyhurt!sam  pining!sam  suicidal!sam  protective!jess  archive:ao3  genre:angst  author:rei_c  rating:R  havepdf  tissie  ~  5-10k  lilbrorec 
november 2017 by Itsokaydean
Written in the Scars on Our Hearts
Dean never forgives his dad for sending Sam away. He knows that he probably thought Dean would understand or even forget Sam and just move on. But Dean never does. How can he? From the moment that Sammy was born, he was the center of Dean’s world. Then after the fire, Sam became his. Dad put baby Sammy into his arms that night, entrusting Dean with his safety, and Dean took that very seriously. When Dean presented at eight as a Dom, his protective instincts got even stronger and he knew that he’d spend his life taking care of his little brother. Especially when Sammy presented as a sub four years later.
AU:BDSM-&-Alt-Lifestyles  AU:Raised-Apart  A+parenting:Winchester  angst  bottom!Sam  depressed!Sam  dom!Dean  hurt!Sam  kink:D/s  protective!Dean  sub!Sam  suicidal!Sam  touch-starved!Sam  fandom:Supernatural 
april 2017 by casey679
Riot Gear; onlythisfic
Shortly before they ganked Dick Roman Sam became pregnant. He either knew and didn't tell Dean because he didn't want to give Dean any more pressure or he had no idea at all. The stress and trauma of seeing Dean and Cas disappear along with Crowley taking off with Kevin sends Sam into a downward spiral. The added stress from hitting Riot causes Sam to have a miscarriage. Sam spends time recovering physically, but not emotionally, with Amelia who knows not to ask about the baby. When Dean gets back and reams Sam out for not looking for him, Sam can't bring himself to tell Dean what happened. He thinks Dean will blame him for losing their kid and that it'll be the final straw. Maybe Sam sneaks out to visit the grave and Dean follows, but up to the author how Dean finds out. Cue guilty!Dean and hurt!Sam who has to relive the painful memories from the last year
supernatural  sam_dean  s8  Hurt!Sam  depressed!sam  suicidal!sam  sick!sam  mpreg!sam  miscarrying!sam  clueless!dean  angry!dean  psychoticbreak!sam  havepdf  guilty!dean  author:onlythisfic  rating:nc-17  tissie  ~ 
january 2017 by Itsokaydean
Hidden Pain
Sam stayed. Sam followed orders. Sam was falling apart, but no one noticed.

author: Ghostwriter
spn  preseries  suicidal!sam  doesn't-go-to-Stanford!sam  nudged!sam  self-harm  dld 
december 2016 by troubledwater
Of Hands and Truths
[PuppiesRainbowsSadism] Sam and Castiel finally come clean about what happened to them during the four years they were apart. (Mandrake and Moonstone 2)
AU:Magic  pairing:Castiel/Sam  angst  animal-shelter!Benny  creature!Castiel  familiar!Castiel  hurt!Castiel  hurt!Sam  magic!Sam  powers!Sam  protective!Benny  protective!Dean  PTSD!Castiel  PTSD!Sam  suicidal!Sam  verse:Mandrake-and-Moonstone  fandom:Supernatural  length:1K-5K 
december 2016 by casey679
No Sympathy For You
He took his cell phone and turned it on, revealing 56 missed phone calls from Dean and Bobby.

author: Karen Winchester
spn  suicidal!sam  Season5  add2compendium  fanfiction.net  words:5000-10000  dld 
december 2016 by troubledwater
The Good Ole Boys
[PosingAsMe] Sam and Dean haven't done much with their lives. They spend their days looking for work, and their evenings are spent with their motorcycles and beer. At home, they care for their father, broken from before they can remember. Then comes the stranger who claims to be family, and the men trying to catch him.
AU:Bikers  AU:Ranch-&-Farm  pairing:Castiel/Sam  pairing:Dean/Jo  abused!Adam  addict!Sam  angst  asshole!Michael  big-brother!Sam  biker!Dean  biker!Sam  bottom!Castiel  closeted!Sam  daddy/guardian!Castiel  dancer!Castiel  disabled!John  farmer!Dean  farmer!Sam  little-brother!Adam  protective!Dean  protective!Sam  PTSD!John  shy/insecure!Sam  social-worker!Castiel  suicidal!Sam  tw:drugs  fandom:Supernatural  length:25K-50K 
december 2016 by casey679
I'm With You
Summary: "If Dean thought Sam would just give up on trying to undo the deal, then he didn't know his baby brother at all."

author: Center of the Galaxy
spn  suicidal!sam  Season3  deal!fic  fanfiction.net  add2compendium  dld 
november 2016 by troubledwater
With or Without You
After Dean leaves him, seemingly for good, Sam is ready to give up. Season 4, slight AU. Oneshot.

author: 79hogwarts83
spn  suicidal!sam  Season4  add2compendium  AO3  words:1000-5000  dld 
november 2016 by troubledwater
To Kill the Monster Within
I used to wonder, if I pretend for long enough that I’m ok, maybe I’ll believe it, too. Everyone else has already been fooled, so how much harder do I need to try to make it real? I used to wonder about that, wonder about it a lot. But not anymore. Now I know it doesn’t matter. Because everything is still inside of me, and it’s never going to go away. The guilt, the hatred.

The truth.

The monster.

author: Lady_Akuma_Wolf
Sam has finally had enough. While Castiel and Dean are both out of the hotel room, Sam writes a letter.
spn  suicidal!sam  Season5  sam/castiel  thinks-Dean-is-Lucifer!sam  add2compendium  WIP  broughtbackbyLucifer!Sam 
november 2016 by troubledwater
Reasons
Dean finds a notebook in Sam´s duffel and can´t resist reading it.

author: Garunala
spn  Season1  suicidal!sam  words:1000-5000  AO3  add2compendium  dld 
november 2016 by troubledwater

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