self-sabotage   19

Why It’s So Hard to Put ‘Future You’ Ahead of ‘Present You’ - The New York Times
Sept. 10, 2018 | NYT | By Tim Herrera.

Are there instances when Past You has, quite inconsiderably, set up Future You for failure.

Why do we do this to ourselves? What makes us act against our own self-interest, even when we are acutely aware we’re doing so?....At work is present bias, our natural tendency to place our short-term needs and desires ahead of our long-term needs and desires. A lot of the time this comes in the form of procrastination.....we perceive our future selves the same way we perceive total strangers. In other words: When I’m brushing off responsibilities, part of my brain unconsciously believes that they’re now the problem of an actual stranger. ....starts with thinking of your future self as … you......Let’s say you habitually neglect your retirement savings. Instead of looking at future saving as making “financial decisions,” put yourself in the mind-set of thinking about the lifestyle you want when you’re retired. Picture yourself however many years hence, now retired, living the life you set up. Experts say this simple paradigm shift can change your entire approach to those decisions — even though they’re exactly the same.

Yes, this idea of future projection — “What will my life be like after I make this decision?” — is difficult to wrap your head around, especially when Future You is getting a better deal than Present You.
biases  present_bias  procrastination  retirement  self-interest  self-sabotage  visioning 
september 2018 by jerryking
This Is The Honest Truth About Why Some People Self-Sabotage Their Own Success | Thought Catalog
People self-sabotage their success because they chase after things only their egos want. They self-sabotage their success because they don’t want to be successful. They want to be accepted, they want to feel freer, they want to prove that they are whatever everyone always made them feel like they weren’t.
self-sabotage  mindset  psychology  brianna-wiest  thought-catalog 
april 2018 by yolandaenoch
The Globe and Mail’s Self-Sabotage
SEP. 1, 2017 | The Walrus | BY LAUREN MCKEON.

By firing two popular female columnists in a bid to save money, our newspaper of record may pay a bigger price: its increasing irrelevance.....The idea that the paper belongs to its male readers and its male journalists appears so deeply ingrained in the Globe—and Canadian media—that it has become utterly unremarkable. Of the Globe’s remaining columnists—that we know of, at least—fifteen are men and seven are women. As has been previously reported, they are all overwhelmingly white. And it doesn’t help matters that of the ten editors on the Globe’s masthead, only three are women.
But this goes beyond questions of representation. The Globe isn’t merely failing women; it’s failing, period. Just days before news of Southey and McLaren leaked, the Globe had been busy shrinking other sections of the newspaper. When it comes to the paper’s weekday print edition, management decided to keep the Globe’s news and business sections as standalones, but sports, as well as life and arts coverage, will no longer exist as their own territories— they’ll be folded into the other two. This, in turn, comes on the heels of a decision to cut the paper’s Atlantic print edition for the end of November. If Canada’s paper of record is in survival mode, then, I’m curious: who exactly is it surviving for?
Globe_&_Mail  firings  women  self-sabotage  newspapers  irrelevance  Leah_McLaren 
october 2017 by jerryking
Why We Self-sabotage (And How to Work Through It)
We sabotage ourselves when we bring our wrong self to the table. Within each creative (and I think of us all as creatives), there are three distinct voices: The Inner Artist. The Inner Editor. The Inner Agent.
self-sabotage  creativity 
may 2017 by webbyclare
Seven habits that are sabotaging your productivity - The Globe and Mail
Published Saturday, Jan. 31 2015

Here are seven habits you might want to skip:

1. Touching e-mails more than once.

2. Meeting just to meet. How many meetings do you attend in a week? Many companies will have staffers meet to meet because that's the way they have always gone about things. It's habitual and part of the weekly routine. Meetings are meant to solve problems.

3. Meeting without an agenda. Avoid meetings without a goal. Meetings are meant to solve problems and instigate action. When you're ready to meet, think about the ultimate goal you're hoping to achieve. With planning, direction and an established game plan, you'll be able to have a focused and productive meeting.

4. Repeating mistakes. You will at some point make a mistake. So get it out of your head that you can avoid errors. Making mistakes is part of being an entrepreneur. The bad habit is making the same mistake twice.

5. Using a phone as an alarm. Stop this habit now.

6. Allowing app notifications. Can you imagine what you could achieve in 60 minutes of uninterrupted time?

7. Being a chameleon. You're willing to be everything to everyone and adapt to please.

There's always room for improvement. Don't stop innovating and improving. It's the journey, not the destination. Stay hungry and always want to improve.
e-mail  habits  meetings  productivity  self-sabotage 
february 2015 by jerryking
Your Worst Enemy in a Negotiation? Look in the Mirror. - At Work - WSJ
Jan 23, 2015 | WSJ | By LAUREN WEBER.

"our most stubborn and challenging opponent is ourselves."

the most difficult person we have to deal with is the person we look at in the mirror in the morning. It’s our innate tendency to react, which is to act without thinking, out of anger or fear, that we later come to regret. [The writer] Ambrose Bierce said, “When you’re angry, you will make the best speech you’ll ever regret.”

WSJ: Why are we so easily knocked off kilter?

Ury: Human beings are designed evolutionarily to be reaction machines. That’s built in from the time we had to react quickly if there was a big cat in the neighborhood, and that was very appropriate then. But it’s not very appropriate when you're in a Manhattan office building. I also think we’re under a lot more stress than we ever were before, and when you're more stressed, you're more reactive.

WSJ: How do you end self-sabotage?

Ury: These are things we already know, but maybe we don't practice them. For example, I talk about ‘going to the balcony,’ which I use as a metaphor for taking a timeout (jk: power of the pause).

You have to imagine that you’re negotiating on a stage and part of your mind goes to a balcony, where you look down on yourself. It gives you perspective, self-control, calm. The problem is, when the stakes are high, you're worried and you get distracted from negotiating your best..... to be more effective in stressful situations, quiet our minds and focus on what our intentions are.
WSJ: The term BATNA is crucial to your method. What is a BATNA?

Ury: Your ‘Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement.’ It’s your best course of action if you can’t reach agreement with the other side. So if you’re negotiating with a boss, if you don't like this job, can you get another one? If you have a serious dispute with a customer or supplier, can you take this up with a mediator or arbitrator or go to court? Every negotiation takes place within the shadow of that alternative. It’s probably the major determinant of leverage or power.

And yet what I find is we just focus on getting the agreement and we become so dependent on it that we’re give up anything to get it. So a BATNA gives you a sense of freedom, knowing you can walk away.

For this book, the focus is on getting to the inner BATNA, a commitment to ourselves and our basic needs. If you can do that, you can negotiate from a place of inner strength, inner confidence.
BATNA  Communicating_&_Connecting  decision_making  emotional_mastery  inner_strengths  negotiations  power_of_the_pause  self-improvement  self-sabotage  stressful  timeouts 
january 2015 by jerryking
FDR 2607 Thinking With The Right Head - Sunday Call In Show February 2 2014 (MP3)
Self-motivated learning, the morality of wage labor, the personal growth cost-benefit analysis, knowing the difference between danger and safety, love and abuse cannot coexist, vulnerability around evil is self-abuse, dating outside your culture, a conversation with a listeners penis, history as a catalogue of competing crimes and living your values. Freedomain Radio is the largest and most popular philosophy show on the web -
learning  economics  wages  self-knowledge  love  abuse  vulnerability  self-attack  self-sabotage  dating  culture  sexuality  history  integrity  conversation  call-in-show 
april 2014 by fdrpodcasts
FDR 2354 Sunday Call In Show March 31 2013 - Showing Your Light to the World (MP3)
00:00:30 Common Law clarification
00:03:20 Cyprus banks, electronic transfers and the Keystone cops
00:06:35 Bonus podcast and documentary update
00:09:40 Resistance to therapy / Training for adulthood
00:48:45 Teaching UPB to children
01:10:00 Showing your light to the world
01:46:40 Personal competing currencies?
law  economics  psychotherapy  ambivalence  regret  parenting  philosophy  UPB  motivation  ambition  self-sabotage  success  relationships  internalization  mecosystem  statism  conversation  timecoded  call-in-show 
april 2013 by fdrpodcasts
New year’s resolution: don’t sabotage yourself
By Susan David

We humans are funny. Often we create beliefs or engage in behaviors that seem to help us in the short term, only to discover they get in the way of the lives we really want to live, or the people we want to become.

Allow me to share the story of my friend, Erin. Over lunch one day, she told both her mentor and me about a division director job she had truly wanted. The role offered good challenges, the chance to develop her skills, fabulous travel, and unparalleled flexibility. It would have been “a dream come true”.

But then Erin began to recite a litany of reasons why she hadn’t gone after the job. She wasn’t good in interviews, having never received the coaching that so many candidates are privy to these days. She was overweight, which would surely make a poor impression. On top of all this, due to the economic downturn, many people more qualified than she would apply. She thought she’d be great at the job if she could have made it beyond the interview, but all things considered, she “knew” she hadn’t stood a chance.

“So I never applied,” she told us. “Instead, I sent the advertisement to a peer and encouraged him to interview.” She paused. “He got the job.”

How was it that this bright, hardworking, lovely young woman also had such an aptitude for self-sabotage?

There are plenty of smart, even gifted, people like Erin. They are bonded by a common behavior psychologists call “self-handicapping,” which involves anticipating a real or imagined obstacle that might get in the way of success, and using that obstacle as an excuse.

Self-handicapping allows us to protect ourselves from the pain of assuming responsibility for our failures, and people do it all the time. In a groundbreaking 1978 study, psychologists Berglas and Jones found that participants who “succeeded” at a test (that was really just luck-based) were more likely to choose to take a performance-inhibiting drug before taking a second test. In other words, they actively set themselves up for failure on the second try. By doing this, they could blame their subsequent poor performance on the drug, and also protect their earlier feeling of success.

In a more recent set of experiments conducted by psychologist Sean McCrea at the University of Konstanz in Germany, participants were asked to take several intelligence tests under a variety of conditions. The research showed that people who were encouraged to make excuses for their poor performance — blaming poor performance on loud noises, for example — maintained high self-esteem, but were also less motivated to improve.

This kind of behavior is often so subtle and habitual that we don’t notice we’re doing it. Think about the manager who has to give a big presentation and fails to practice ahead of the event, or people who procrastinate on work projects and wind up “not having enough time” to do a good job. In a 2010 HBR article, Jeffrey Pfeffer identified self-handicapping as one of three major barriers to building professional power: people avoid the pain of failure by never trying to build power in the first place.

What can you do to overcome self-handicapping? Here are four steps:

Watch for the warning signs. Drawing down your efforts, generating lists of excuses, or distracting yourself (music, alcohol, etc.) are signs that you’re engaging in self-handicapping. Everyone needs to take breaks and manage energy during the work day, but these activities can be clues that you are veering onto the trail of self-sabotage. A mentor or colleague can often help steer you back on course.
Use “what-ifs” and “if-onlys” to help you generate goals instead of excuses. Research shows that the thinking people engage in during self-handicapping can just as easily be flipped to be motivational. When you ponder what could have gone better, or recognize obstacles in your way, you generate valuable information. Identify factors within your control, and see what you can do about them. Erin, for example, could have responded to the thought “I’m not great in interviews” by researching the right skills, practicing them, and requesting support from her mentor.
Recognize and manage your negative emotions. Research shows that when we use our “if-onlys” to motivate rather than excuse ourselves, we will also likely experience negative emotions, such as disappointment and self-directed anger . If you can notice these emotions and be kind to yourself in working through them, you’re more likely to be able to move into positive, empowering behavior.
Go for mastery. Self-handicapping is most likely to kick in when we are trying to perform well in order to avoid negative feedback from external sources, such as criticism from colleagues. When we focus instead on developing mastery in a domain we care about, we tap into our inherent motivation to learn and grow. Recognize what matters to you, and brainstorm ideas to get yourself moving in that direction.

Going for what you really want takes considerable courage. Let’s face it, even when you put forth your best effort, things don’t always turn out as you would like. But by taking a risk you open yourself not only to the possibility of failure, but also the possibility of learning, growth, and real attainment. It’s up to you to decide which is more perilous: the risk of disappointment, or the risk of never reaching your potential.

Reprinted with permission from Harvard Business Reveiw.  This blog was originally published here.

Susan David is co-editor of the Oxford Handbook of Happiness (due out in January 2013) with Ilona Boniwell and Amanda Conley Ayers. Susan is is a founder and co-director of the Harvard/McLean Institute of Coaching and a member of the Harvard faculty. She is also the director of Evidence Based Psychology, a leadership development organization and management consultancy.

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The post New year’s resolution: don’t sabotage yourself appeared first on OUPblog.
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december 2012 by Kenchen
Afterall • Online • Two Slight Returns: Chauncey Hare and Marianne Wex
"For Chauncey Hare and Marianne Wex, the question of a career, of art as a profession, was unresolved in ways which have affected the legacy of their work, and even the legitimacy of categorising them as ‘artists’. While they were contemporaries, making their most important work in the 1970s, they had little else obviously in common: Hare was a documentary photographer based in California; Wex was an artist and art teacher living in Hamburg. They never met, or exhibited together, nor were they even aware of one another’s work. But in their choices, the vicissitudes of their reputations, and the political valencies of their work, there are parallels which suggest how vocations can unhinge careers, and how giving oneself over entirely to the work might mean abandoning it altogether."
judithwyatt  photography  renunciation  anti-career  janetmalcolm  artlabor  responsibility  jackvaneuw  bancroftlibrary  judywyatt  labor  leisurearts  self-sabotage  artworld  workplace  work  iainsinclair  aidanandrewdun  vocations  mikesperlinger  2011  1970s  art  mariannewex  chaunceyhare  artleisure  from delicious
august 2012 by robertogreco
Self-Sabotage? or Self-Preservation?
Self-sabotage is an ongoing concern. I appreciate your take on the subject, as it provides another perspective in my ongoing efforts to use it to my benefit. I’ve read some of this research about the fixed and incremental theories of ability, yet this take is interesting. So, I’m wondering if the point is “Never give up! Never surrender!”?
ability  incremental  self-preservation  self-sabotage  students  success 
september 2011 by n2teaching

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