self!harm   88

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Detached
Following the events of Road Trip, Sam and Cas head to the bunker. Sam doesn't feel quite like himself after being used as a vessel and has some trouble to be at peace again with the idea that Cas is still wearing Jimmy Novak's body.
8,327
SPN  SPN!Non-AU  Slash  Sam/Castiel  Season!9  910  5000+  Short  archiveofourown  Self!Harm  Vessel  Angst  Bat!Cave  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  First!Time 
may 2017 by chellexxx
Walking A Tightrope
Jensen Ackles was pulled into an ocean of drugs and prostitution by a mother who was already drowning in it.
Jared Padalecki started sticking his fingers down his throat in response to a world that insisted anyone who wasn't rail-thin was ugly.
They both meet under terrible circumstances and find themselves doing their best to put the broken pieces of each other back together again. But things like that are easier said than done. ...... 80,159
RPS  RPS!AU  Slash  Jared/Jensen  First!Time  Angst  Hurt/Sick!Boys  hurt!Jared  hurt!Jensen  Depression  Addiction  Addict!Jensen  Addict!Jared  Self!Harm  Hooker!Jensen  Prostitution/Hustling  Student!Jared  Student!Jensen  Depraved!Humans  Person-Sandy!McCoy  Person-Jeffrey!Dean!Morgan  Person-Danneel!Harris/Ackles  Sad  archiveofourown  75000+  Epic 
april 2017 by chellexxx
Heartbreak
Sam becomes a prostitute at the tender age of thirteen. Things go downhill from there.
43,845
SPN  SPN!Non-AU  Pre-Series  Stanford  Teenchesters  Hooker!Sam  Prostitution/Hustling  Character-John!Winchester  Self!Harm  Angst  archiveofourown  35000+  Long  Porn 
march 2017 by chellexxx
While You Were Gone
Dean was gone and this time Sam had no idea where he was. Sam
could only assume that he was dead. He tried looking for his brother,
God had he tried. He has barely slept for those four long months
catching, questioning and, occasionally torturing any and every creature
he could. He went after demons, Levis, and even an angel and a cupid.
But nobody knew where his brother was at and if they did, they didn’t
say. He had been talking to hunters even though he knew some of them
still hated his guts but for his brother he’d do anything. Or so he
thought. ... 36,200 .. http://waya98.livejournal.com
SPN!Non-AU  Gen  Season!8  hurt!Sam  Emotionally!hurt  Memories/Flashback  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  PTSD  Hospitalized!Boys  Angst  Non-Con  Torture  Beaten  Abducted  Abducted!Sam  Motel/Hotel  806  guilty!Dean  Hunter  post!Season!7  Depraved!Humans  Asylum  pdf/mobi  Self!Harm  Bed!Sharing  75000+  livejournal  Epic  archiveofourown  kick!ass!Dean  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  A!Break!From!Hunting  Character-Castiel  Character-Crowley 
february 2016 by chellexxx
Respite
“Sam?” Dean reaches out toward him without thinking. Sam reacts
to his touch like it burns, eyes wide and unfocused as his hands lash
out; under his breath, barely audible, Dean hears Sam whispering no; no,
please. Something cold twists in his gut as he retreats, pressing
himself against the other side of the stairwell and raising his hands in
surrender. “Sam, it's me,” he says. “It's Dean.” But Sam doesn't hear
him. He's muttering and still holding his hands up, and Dean sees a
trickle of blood slide down from his hairline before following the
contours of his face into the dip under his eye and then down his nose.
Sam knocks himself off the step and fumbles down two more before Dean
finally hears him breathe. .... 3,139
SPN!Non-AU  Gen  Season!11  1114  hurt!Sam  PTSD  Angst  Memories/Flashback  Hell  Brain/Head!injury  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  Self!Harm  1000+  Short  archiveofourown  Domestic!fic  Bat!Cave  Bed!Sharing  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
february 2016 by chellexxx
The Final Arc
Tracy is with Krissy, Josephine, and Aidan are on a hunt in
Florida, when they run into her least favorite person: Sam Winchester,
the reason her family is dead. After hearing Sam's story, however, she
begins to worry. Especially now that he's not with Dean, and is
suffering a heavy backlash of nightmares from The Cage. .. 43,660
SPN!Non-AU  Het  Sam/OFC  Self!Harm  Angst  Non-Con  hurt!Sam  Powers!Sam  pining!OC  asshole!John  Abusive!John  Abused!Sam  Unrequited  Torture  Abusive!Dean  Spell/Curse  PTSD  post!Season!10  Angel!Sam  Angel  Long  35000+  archiveofourown  Dream/Nightmare  kick!ass!Sam  Memories/Flashback  Confession  Gen  Abused  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Domestic!Violence  Character-Adam!Milligan  Character-Chuck!Shurley  Character-Castiel  Character-John!Winchester  Character-Hannah  Character-Lucifer  Character-Michael  Character-Flagstaff  Character-Metatron  Character-Tracy!Bell  Character-Krissy!Chambers  Separated!Boys 
december 2015 by chellexxx
Without You (The Tears Dry)
for depressing, suicidal thoughts, also mentions of self-harm.
Warnings: Depressing, suicidal thoughts, also mentions of self-harm. Set
in season 8, spoilers for 9x03. Sam makes an unexpected discovery about
Dean. He's keeping a secret journal, in shape of series of cassettes,
for times he wasn't feeling so well. Maybe he didn’t know Dean as well
as he thought he did. But, suicide notes were the last thing on his
mind. .... 56,088
SPN!Non-AU  Gen  Season!8  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Dean  Self!Harm  Secret  Long  fanfiction.net  livejournal  50000+  Depression  Angst  hurt!Dean  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Deleted!Fic!or!Author  pdf/mobi 
november 2015 by chellexxx
By a Single Thread (Mind!verse)
Dr. Jensen Ackles is a renowned neuro-psychologist and pioneer
surgeon in the field known as Mind Mapping, a procedure that involves
entering a coma patient's mindscape and sifting through their memories
and trauma to help the patient wake up from the coma. It’s a complex
procedure that requires strict rules and no lingering remnants of the
visit. But while working with his current patient—Jared Padalecki, male,
24, attempted suicide--Jensen discovers he’s in too deep. He’s formed a
dangerous emotional attachment to Jared that could have devastating
consequences. He finds himself in the difficult situation of risking his
own mind and sense of self by losing himself in Jared. But the more
memories he visits, and the more he gets to know Jared, the more Jensen
realizes how important it is that he save Jared’s life, whether it costs
Jensen his identity or not.
76,041

http://archiveofourown.org/works/4546152/chapters/10348446
RPS  RPS!AU  Slash  Jared/Jensen  First!Time  Big!Bang  Medical!Professional!Jensen  Coma  hurt!Jared  Mind!Reading  Depression  Self!Harm  Angst  Bullies  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Jared  75000+  livejournal  archiveofourown  Epic  Hospitalized!Boys  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Person-Chad!Michael!Murray  Person-Genevieve!Cortese/Padalecki  Person-Jeffrey!Dean!Morgan 
november 2015 by chellexxx
Jericho
This is a story about Sam, who has never hunted a damn thing in
his life and about Dean, who has hunted every damn thing there is. They
will meet at the vastnesses of blooming farmlands on a country road on a
sunny spring day. It's this car, which Sam finds in the Men of Letter's
bunker, that sends him that way. A car - so black and beautiful - that
was buried in the Bunker for decades. And you know, it's not just a car.
Because legend has it that it belonged to the best hunter, who has ever
lived. He was the best, the most dangerous. But it's rumored that at
the end he became more monster than man. Just like the things he always
hunted. So this is a story about the Impala, about the curse of Cain and
the blessing of the Samulet. A story about hellhounds and the darkness
at crossroads. About Death and Hell. Then of course there will be Hell,
because Dean's the new King. . 58,296
Slash  Sam/Dean  Big!Bang  Season!1  AU!Season!10  Season!10  AU!Season!1  Stanford  Pre-Series  AU!Pre-Series  SPN!AU  Demon!Dean  Deal  Self!Harm  Domestic!fic  Tattoo  Bat!Cave  Time!Travel  archiveofourown  50000+  Long  Amulet  Hell!Hounds  Hell  Hunter!Dean  AU!Stanford  SPN  Time!Travelling!Sam  Character-John!Winchester  Character-Mary!Winchester  Character-Impala 
september 2015 by chellexxx
Pastiche
Jared’s just moved into a new apartment complex and immediately
warned about his upstairs neighbor Jensen who is a bit eccentric. ....
33,949
RPS  RPS!AU  Slash  Jared/Jensen  First!Time  Neighbour  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Jensen  Self!Harm  top!Jared  25000+  archiveofourown  Long  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Person-Chad!Michael!Murray  Person-Christian!Kane  Person-Danneel!Harris/Ackles  Person-Misha!Collins  Person-Steve!Carlson 
september 2015 by chellexxx
if love sits on your heart like stone
Warnings: Themes of depression, self-harm, suicide ideation.
Post Swan Song AU: If Dean can’t be sure of anything else in the world,
he can be sure of this - he was made for Sam. Made to take care of him,
protect him, look after him. If Sam is gone, then there is no purpose to
his existence. If Sam is gone, there is only one course of action - get
Sam back. This is the story of Sam and Dean finding their way back to
each other, driving down the highway, saving people, hunting things.
..... 32,433

http://archiveofourown.org/works/4152621/chapters/9368958
SPN!Non-AU  Gen  Slash  Sam/Dean  post!Season!5  Mute!Dean  Self!Harm  kick!ass!Sam  kick!ass!Dean  Angst  Big!Bang  25000+  archiveofourown  livejournal  Long  Mute  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Character-Bobby!Singer  Character-Castiel  Character-Missouri!Moseley 
august 2015 by chellexxx
It's a Not-So-Wonderful Life
Dean has finally given in to the Mark of Cain and become a
monster. Gabriel gives Sam a chance to save him, but only by erasing
himself from Dean's life. What would Dean's life be like if Sam had
never existed? Without Sam, Dean gets the apple-pie life Sam always
wished he could have, never knowing what his brother sacrificed. Until
the day that something supernatural happens, and Dean's happy, normal
life encounters a snag or two in the form of a tall, dark-haired
stranger. . 19,000
Slash  Season!10  AU!Season!10  Sam/Dean  Deal  Spell/Curse  Parent/Guardian!Dean  Kid!fic  Amnesia  Amnesia!Dean  Firefighter!Dean  Self!Harm  sick!Sam  First!Time  Angst  Schmoop  PTSD  pining!Sam  15000+  Long  archiveofourown  SPN!AU  Hunter!Sam  SPN  Gabriel!Lives  Hurt/Sick!Boys  AU!Raised!Apart  AU!Not!Raised!as!Hunters  Character-Gabriel/The!Tickster  Character-Missouri!Moseley 
april 2015 by chellexxx
have you seen him whom my soul loves
Matthew 26:41—"Watch and pray, that ye enter not into
temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." ......
42,500

Jensen is an orphan, raised by the Catholic church and now a preist. He moves to Jared's town and everything changes.
RPS  RPS!AU  Slash  Jared/Jensen  First!Time  Angst  Self!Harm  25000+  livejournal  Long  pdf/mobi  Infidelity  Homophobia  Jared/Sandy  Person-Chad!Michael!Murray  Person-Christian!Kane  Person-Sandy!McCoy  Priest  Priest!Jensen  Mechanic  Mechanic!Jared  Hurt/Sick!Boys  hurt!Jared  Bottom!Jared  Virginity 
december 2014 by chellexxx
Two-Headed Boy
Sam's life from sixteen to twenty-two years old. Theirs is a
story of the last days of innocence during a sweltering Southern summer
when Sam is so in love with his brother, he can barely stand his touch.
It's the pain between them through lies, through jealousy, through
seeing each other with someone else. Theirs is a story of leaving and
Stanford, of Dean feeling lost and Sam nearly losing himself without his
brother. It's fire and reunion and a love never lost - ever-present and
no longer deniable. .. 208,265 ..... sequel to The Ballad of the
Invisible Boy ...... http://melungeoned.livejournal.com/55463.html

verse http://archiveofourown.org/series/129525
SPN!Non-AU  Slash  Pre-Series  Teenchesters  Sam/Dean  First!Time  pining!Sam  Season!1  Season!2  Angst  Bottom!Sam  Self!Harm  Sam/Jess  Het  Big!Bang  200000+  Epic  livejournal  archiveofourown  Stanford  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Character-Bobby!Singer  Character-John!Winchester  Character-Missouri!Moseley 
september 2014 by chellexxx
Do you want to be a porn star Dean?
When Dean goes missing, John and Sam have to race against time
to find him. Or will he be used as an unwilling participant in his
captor’s sinister plan.
SPN!Non-AU  Sam/Dean  Slash  Pre-Series  Abducted  Abducted!Dean  hurt!Dean  Porn  Self!Harm  Length!Unknown  livejournal  Teenchesters  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Character-John!Winchester 
september 2014 by chellexxx
Giving Up the Ghost
Since his parents’ divorce, Jensen Ackles has just about given
up on the living. Moving from town to town with his Mom and Sister, his
only solace has been found in music, and ignoring pretty much everything
else. The latest move to a massive plantation home in Louisiana feels
like a dream come true: he'll have all the space and privacy he's ever
wanted. But there's something--someone--else living in the house. And
they're absolutely bent on making Jensen's peace and quiet a living
hell. Jensen's just a moody teenager who wants to be left alone. And
Jared is the lonely ghost that haunts his bedroom. Determined to get rid
of the pesky poltergeist, Jensen makes it his mission to get Jared to
move on from this earth. But the more time they spend searching for
Jared's way to cross over, the more Jensen is discovering that Jared
might be one of the few people on this earth--living and dead--that he
might want to keep around. .. 89,327

http://archiveofourown.org/works/2129613/chapters/4649682
RPS  RPS!AU  Slash  Jared/Jensen  Ghost  First!Time  Big!Bang  RPS!Family  Angst  Self!Harm  archiveofourown  livejournal  Long  75000+  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Person-Chad!Michael!Murray  Person-Danneel!Harris/Ackles  Person-Genevieve!Cortese/Padalecki 
september 2014 by chellexxx
In The Dark, In The Pain, On The Run
After Sam's wall breaks, Dean decides they need some time out
of the life. They rent a rundown house in a small town, and during the
renovations, everything changes between them. Sam/Dean curtain!fic,
veers off canon mid S6. ..... 18,666
SPN!Non-AU  Slash  Season!7  AU!Season!7  Sam/Dean  First!Time  Bed!Sharing  Curtain!fic  Domestic!fic  Bar  PTSD  Pretend/Mistaken/Couple  archiveofourown  Schmoop  15000+  Long  Self!Harm  Angst  Emotionally!hurt  Memories/Flashback  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  SPN  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
august 2014 by chellexxx
Worth the Fight
After a car accident leaves 17-year-old Jared comatose, he is
stuck in the middle of life and death with one other guy for company.
The more time he spends with the other man, Jared realizes that he's
starting to fall for him and is even more determined to recover so the
two can start their life together. But how do you start a life with
someone who's just waiting for the end?
RPS  RPS!AU  Slash  Jared/Jensen  First!Time  Coma  Angst  hurt!Jared  hurt!Jensen  Non-Con  Self!Harm  Length!Unknown  livejournal  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
july 2014 by chellexxx
What To Do When You Are Dead: A Comprehensive Guide To Your Afterlife
After his car careens off of a bridge Kurt is stuck on earth as a spirit and is forced to watch as Blaine slowly falls apart without him.
depression/suicide  angst  dark  au  glee  ao3  Rated_PG-13  Depression  tradgedy  !!Blaine/Kurt  Self!Harm  AU!!Ghosts  AU!!Supernatural  Slash  from delicious
may 2014 by painawayfromme

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