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63% of millennial homeowners regret buying home: survey : financialindependence
Homeowners identify the costs of owning a home as the primary source of their buyer’s remorse. Nearly 20% of homeowners said that unexpected maintenance and other hidden costs were their largest pain point. That number jumps to 25% among millennials.
regret  real-estate  millennials 
6 weeks ago by ramitsethi
Aeon Ideas -- Why the demoniac stayed in his comfortable corner of hell by John Kaag
'...Jesus and the disciples go to the town of Gerasenes and there encounter a man who is possessed by evil spirits. This demoniac – a self-imposed outcast from society – lived at the outskirts of town and ‘night and day among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones’. The grossest part of the story, however, isn’t the self-mutilation. It’s the demoniac’s insane refusal to accept help. When Jesus approached him, the demoniac threw himself to the ground and wailed: ‘What do you want with me? … In God’s name, don’t torture me!’ When you’re possessed by evil spirits, the worst thing in the world is to be healed. In short, the demoniac tells Jesus to bugger off, to leave him and his sharp little stones in his comfortable corner of hell. -- ... Those who are the most pointedly afflicted are often precisely those who are least able to recognise their affliction, or to save themselves. And those with the resources to rescue themselves are usually already saved. As Kierkegaard suggests, the virtue of sobriety makes perfect sense to one who is already sober. Eating well is second nature to the one who is already healthy; saving money is a no-brainer for one who one is already rich; truth-telling is the good habit of one who is already honest. But for those in the grips of crisis or sin, getting out usually doesn’t make much sense. -- Sharp stones can take a variety of forms. -- In The Concept of Anxiety (1844), Kierkegaard tells us that the ‘essential nature of [the demoniac] is anxiety about the good’. I’ve been ‘anxious’ about many things – about exams, about spiders, about going to sleep – but Kierkegaard explains that the feeling I have about these nasty things isn’t anxiety at all. It’s fear. Anxiety, on the other hand, has no particular object. It is the sense of uneasiness that one has at the edge of a cliff, or climbing a ladder, or thinking about the prospects of a completely open future – it isn’t fear per se, but the feeling that we get when faced with possibility. It’s the unsettling feeling of freedom. Yes, freedom, that most precious of modern watchwords, is deeply unsettling. -- What does this have to do with our demoniac? Everything. Kierkegaard explains that the demoniac reflects ‘an unfreedom that wants to close itself off’; when confronted with the possibility of being healed, he wants nothing to do with it. The free life that Jesus offers is, for the demoniac, pure torture. -- ... The demoniac reflects what theologians call the ‘religious paradox’, namely that it is impossible for fallen human beings – such craven creatures – to bootstrap themselves to heaven. Any redemptive resources at our disposal are probably exactly as botched as we are. -- There are many ways to distract ourselves from this paradox – and we are very good at manufacturing them: movies and alcohol and Facebook and all the fixations and obsessions of modern life. But at the end of the day, these are pitifully little comfort.' -- It's hard to get enough of something that almost works. ~ Vincent Felitti -- Don't you know that a midnight hour comes when everyone has to take off his mask? Do you think life always lets itself be trifled with? Do you think you can sneak off a little before midnight to escape this? ~ Søren Kierkegaard
psychology  freedom  anxiety  regret  Kierkegaard  OttoRank 
6 weeks ago by adamcrowe
The Book of Life -- Whether or not to have Children
'Making a good choice simply involves focusing on what variety of suffering we are best suited to – rather than aiming with utopian zeal to try to avoid grief and regret altogether. -- ... The insight that all choices are, in a sense, hellish, was best expressed by the early 19th century Danish Existential philosopher Soren Kierkegaard, who summed up our options in a playful, but bleakly realistic and exasperated outburst in his masterpiece, Either/Or: “Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.”' -- ... For those of us contemplating whether or not to have children, the message is dark but consoling in its bleakness: you will be at points very unhappy whatever you choose. With either option, you will feel that you have ruined your life – and you will be correct. We do not need to add to our misery by insisting that there would have been another, better way. There is, curiously, relief to be found in the knowledge of the inevitability of suffering. It is, in the end, never darkness that dooms us, but the wrong sort of hope in that most cruel of fantasies: ‘the right choice’.'
philosophy  choice  humility  decisions  Kierkegaard  regret  pessimism  * 
11 weeks ago by adamcrowe
Mary Oliver, Pulitzer prize-winning poet, dies aged 83 | Books | The Guardian
She wrote often of mortality, but with a spirit of gratitude and completion. In Circles, she pronounced herself “content” not to live forever, having been “filled” by what she saw and believed. In When Death Comes, she hoped that at the end of life she could look back and see herself as a “bride married to amazement”.
poetry  obituary  regret  creativity 
12 weeks ago by emmacarlson
The Book of Life -- Career Therapy
'#The Agony of Choice: A lot of the reasons why we don’t move forward is that we are terrified of choice – and because, implicitly, we believe that there might be such a thing as cost-free, perfect choice and, by extension, a flawless life. -- To liberate ourselves to move forward, we should accept – with robust courage – the inevitability of pain around choice. The difficulty of choosing can mean that many of us spend our lives avoiding hard choices, which ends up being a kind of choice all of its own. But there is no alternative to picking something and to making our peace with the compromise that every choice entails. -- We procrastinate, at times, in a desperate attempt to keep at bay the cruel limitations of reality. If we move city, we might have new work prospects, but we’ll lose our current friends; if we devote ourselves to one specific career, other sides of our character will be neglected… If we delay choosing, all options appear to stay alive, at least as possibilities. Yet that is a grave illusion. We should quell our procrastination by accepting that not choosing is in itself a choice and that every choice will necessarily mean missing out on something important. -- We should get better and faster at making decisions, sure in the knowledge that every decision will be in its own way slightly wrong and somewhat sad – while also slightly right and somewhat good.'
work  existentialism  psychology  decisions  choice  freedom  regret  humility  philosophy 
december 2018 by adamcrowe
Regret-stergram – DHH – Medium
Chasing affection from people I mostly didn’t know, so I could please an ego that vowed not to care.

...

But it didn’t take long for the feelings to become mixed. While I was sharing beautiful pictures of beautiful things, it clearly wasn’t the whole story. I didn’t share many of the most beautiful discoveries or memories I was making writing software, reading philosophy, or building community. And I most certainly didn’t share any of the mundane or the hard or the tragic or the heartbreak. It was all visual pleasures.
mundane  tragic  hard  heartbreak  ego  regret  instagram  facebook  social  media  cycle  consumption  contribution  dhh 
november 2018 by bekishore
The Complicated Philosophy of Jay Smooth - Columbia Journalism Review
Smooth told me about his father, whose demons and circumstances had kept him from making the most of his creative talents. With that in mind, Smooth is proud of where he’s landed today—rather than bylines in certain publications or benchmark YouTube subscription numbers, he largely measures the success of his work by being able to do what his dad didn’t.
work  regret  pain  joy  music 
november 2018 by craniac

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