rapeculture   1881

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What I Learned From Dating Women Who Have Been Raped
I don’t see myself as a victim in an otherwise safe society, I see myself as a completely normal and unremarkable member of the female gender. I see women who have experienced more violence than me, and women who have experienced less violence than me, but I don’t see women who don’t experience violence. The fact that some women have experienced more, worse sexual violence only means that they need more help not that I need less help or that my emotional response to a traumatic event is invalid. As I tell my female friends about my experience, basically all of them remember experiences when they felt similarly and just absorbed it.
rapeculture  society  gender&sexuality 
yesterday by kohleyed
Fucking in the Hellscape of Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance
Why is it so hard for men to acknowledge that sexual liberation never actually freed women? That our sexuality remains bound still by so many other man-made knots that it will take a great deal more effort than the offer of a zipless fuck to untangle us?

No small part of the reason why dating sucks for women is that we’re paradoxically expected to be both defensive and open, hopeful but guarded, grounded but optimistic. We’re told by books, magazines and movies that men don’t want what we want so in order to find what we want, we have to jettison our expectations and lower our standards, the sooner the better. Because you’re not getting any younger. Geez, you selfish git. Why didn’t you just leave? Give every guy a chance. God, go put yourself out there.

And then if we’re confused by how any of this is liberation, then it’s because we’re not as liberated as men think we should be by now.
gender&sexuality  society  relationships&connections  rapeculture 
9 days ago by kohleyed
This Is Why Uma Thurman Is Angry
Yes, Uma Thurman is mad.

She has been raped. She has been sexually assaulted. She has been mangled in hot steel. She has been betrayed and gaslighted by those she trusted.

And we’re not talking about her role as the blood-spattered bride in “Kill Bill.” We’re talking about a world that is just as cutthroat, amoral, vindictive and misogynistic as any Quentin Tarantino hellscape.

We’re talking about Hollywood, where even an avenging angel has a hard time getting respect, much less bloody satisfaction.
by:MaureenDowd  from:TheNewYorkTimes  UmaThurman  HarveyWeinstein  QuentinTarantino  rape  RapeCulture  SexualAssault 
17 days ago by owenblacker
What kind of utterly vile and disgusting person would do this? Appalled beyond measure
rapeculture  from twitter
22 days ago by Varna
The female price of male pleasure
The studies on this are few. A casual survey of forums where people discuss "bad sex" suggests that men tend to use the term to describe a passive partner or a boring experience. [...] But when most women talk about "bad sex," they tend to mean coercion, or emotional discomfort or, even more commonly, physical pain. Debby Herbenick, a professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health, and one of the forces behind the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, confirmed this. "When it comes to 'good sex,'" she told me, "women often mean without pain, men often mean they had orgasms."
sex  rapeCulture  consent  misogyny  maleprivilege 
22 days ago by campylobacter
Opinion | Aziz, We Tried to Warn You - The New York Times
There is a reflexive tendency, when grappling with stories of sexual misconduct like the accusations leveled at Ansari this past weekend — incidents that seem to exist in that vast gray area between assault and a skewed power dynamic — to point out that sexual norms have changed. This is true. The line between seduction and coercion has shifted, and shifted quickly, over the past few years (the past few months, even). When I was in my 20s, a decade ago, sex was something of a melee. “No means no” was the only rule, and it was still solidly acceptable in mainstream social circles to bother somebody until they agreed to have sex with you. (At the movies, this was called romantic comedy.)

What’s not true is the suggestion that complex conversations about consent are new territory, or that men weren’t given ample opportunity to catch up.
lindywest  nyt  metoo  azizansari  rapeculture  consent 
4 weeks ago by laurenipsum
When Men Treat Assault Stories Like Ghost Stories
When someone tells me about a malign presence in their basement or Bloody Mary appearing in their bathroom mirror, I generally don’t think I’m being lied to. I understand that the teller is sharing something they find deeply distressing and viscerally real. But I also think I know better. Their explanation goes against everything I know about the world. I’ve never experienced anything like it, so I have no reason to take their word over my own intuition.

This is the same rationale that fuels widespread dismissal of harassment, pressure, threat, abuse, and assault. It’s not that men (and also, to be fair, women who are committed to the status quo) think the women reporting these things are liars. It’s just that they think they know better. They believe that you think you experienced harassment, just like I believe that you think you saw a ghost. But just as I’m privately assuming it was probably sleep paralysis or just the house settling, men are privately — and sometimes publicly — positing that it must have been a misinterpreted compliment, or oversensitivity, or wishful thinking, or a tendency to take offense. Are we sure the rules weren’t different then? Are we sure she wasn’t just trying to boost her career? Are we sure that was even his hand?
5 weeks ago by themadstork
What the Men Didn't Say at the Golden Globes
It was almost as if Harvey Weinstein, #MeToo, and the subsequent tsunami of accusations against powerful men in Hollywood and beyond had never happened. Women were largely left with the labor of explaining why wage parity matters, and why telling diverse stories matters, and why having more women and people of color occupying positions of power in all industries in America matters. … The women were left to try and transform a pivotal moment for Hollywood from a painful scandal into a necessary reckoning. And as their male co-stars and directors and producers mostly made clear, they were—and they will be—doing all this by themselves.
by:SophieGilbert  from:TheAtlantic  GoldenGlobes  sexism  RapeCulture  SexualAssault  HarveyWeinstein  Hollywood 
6 weeks ago by owenblacker
The Impossible Demands of Dating Under the Pressures of Rape Culture
You shouldn't have to carry the demand to be both 'approachable' and in charge of preventing your own assault. This comic says it all.
comics  dating  feminism  sex  gender  sexism  rapeculture  risk 
6 weeks ago by spaceninja
Stop asking me ‘what about men?’
‘Whataboutery’ comes from a place of misogyny. An arrogant, derailing technique used to respond to a campaign, video, research study, intervention, organisation or communication that screams ‘I don’t care about women, talk about men!!’

And the proof is in the pudding for me. Because when I do all those things with a focus on boys and men, I’m a fucking hero. But when I do all of those things and focus on girls and women, I’m a fat, ugly feminist cunt.

So I need to explain something else. This is not about equality. ‘Whataboutery’ has nothing to do with equality. It’s not about reminding us that men suffer too. Social issues aren’t equal.
by:JessicaEaton  misogyny  MentalHealth  patriarchy  DomesticViolence  sexism  feminism  WhatAbout  RapeCulture  society 
6 weeks ago by owenblacker
The Cost of Your Watershed Moment
We doom survivors to live in a continuous loop of pain, first at the hands of perpetrators and then by way of public speculation and skepticism if and when they’re bold enough to come forward. How can we believe in justice and progress when—as we’ve seen throughout this year and the course of time—the punishment of abusers will come at the cost of their victims’ physical, emotional, and mental health?

I’ve had many men (and it’s only been men) tell me that the Weinstein fallout is a watershed moment. While I wish otherwise, I simply can’t believe they’re right. Donald Trump—accused of sexual misconduct by nearly 20 women—is still President. Roy Moore, an accused predator of teenage girls, would have won the recent Alabama senate race if it wasn’t for the inspiring turn out of black voters. Democrats and leftists didn’t want Senator Al Franken to step down despite his own admission to sexual misconduct. We’re fighting an uphill battle that can’t be won with the downfall of a few convenient scapegoats. Especially considering that those most likely to face the worst kinds of abuses—trans women, women of color, immigrants, and the poor—have barely entered the conversation.
by:MadeleineDavies  from:Jezebel  SexualAssault  HarveyWeinstein  DonaldTrump  RoyMoore  AlFranken  RapeCulture 
6 weeks ago by owenblacker
Everyday Sexism Project: Dress Codes and Rape Culture
When teachers punish girls for wearing clothes deemed "too distracting" for boys to handle, it teaches a damaging lesson.
feminism  gender  bias  sexism  rapeculture  dresscodes  school 
6 weeks ago by spaceninja

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