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It’s Not Me, It’s You—A Letter to Perfection - Vironika Tugaleva
via Pocket - It’s Not Me, It’s You—A Letter to Perfection - Added March 25, 2019 at 09:18AM
IFTTT  Pocket  perfectionism  reading 
23 days ago by taldy
RT : is creating a gap, and many - especially - believe they need to be perfect to le…
Perfectionism  girls  leadership  from twitter
10 weeks ago by sajones81
How To Finish | Lynn Steger Strong
We all have grand ambitions. We all have ideas about the books we want to write, but, just like every other part of life, the reality is a bit more flawed and wanting. Language is hard and complicated and has an infinite number of limits. Books are constricting containers and plot and character demand certain mechanical choices that might feel less than we hoped at first. The books we write will be lesser versions of the books that live inside our heads.

Please mourn this quickly.

Now, imagine: you no longer have to be Dostoyevsky, or [insert here] the bolded all caps name you think of when you don’t measure up. Your book will fail in thousands of ways, but what are the ways in which you know you can succeed? Think of all the ways the books you love fail. Spend some time, in the face of this, considering your strengths and the small surmountable ways you might actually pull something off.
how_to  personal_reminder  perfectionism 
11 weeks ago by crystaljjlee
How Perfectionism Can Be Destructive - The Atlantic
In maladaptive perfectionism, meanwhile, people make an archive of all their failures. They revisit these archives constantly, thinking, as Pryor puts it, “I need to make myself feel terrible so I don’t do this again.”

Brustein says his perfectionist clients tend to devalue their accomplishments, so that every time a goal is achieved, the high lasts only a short time, like “a gas tank with a hole in it.” If the boss says you did a great job, it’s because he doesn’t know anything. If the audience likes your work, that’s because it’s too stupid to know what good art actually is.

Then they double down, “raising the expectation bar even higher, which increases the likelihood of defeat, which makes you self-critical, so you raise the bar higher, work even harder,” she says.

"Pryor notes that many of her clients are wary she’ll “turn them into some degenerate couch potato and teach them to be okay with it.” Instead, she tries to help them think through the parts of their perfectionism they’d like to keep, and to lose the parts that are ruining their lives."

“Aim high, but get comfortable with good enough.” When they don’t get some internship or award, she encourages them to remember that “one outcome is not a basis for a broad conclusion about the person’s intelligence, qualifications, or potential for the future.”

The treatment for perfectionism might be as simple as having patients keep logs of things they can be proud of, or having them behave imperfectly in small ways, just to see how it feels. “We might have them hang the towels crooked or wear some clothing inside out,” says Martin Antony, a professor in the department of psychology at Ryerson University in Toronto.

Brustein likes to get his perfectionist clients to create values that are important to them, then try to shift their focus to living according to those values rather than achieving specific goals. It’s a play on the “You really stuck with it” message for kids. In other words, it isn’t about doing a headstand in yoga class; it’s about going to yoga class in the first place, because you like to be the kind of person who takes care of herself.
perfectionism  psychology  anxiety 
12 weeks ago by emmacarlson

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