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Transformation of the StarkWorm
"It's 56 degrees here, I feel like becoming a starkworm just became my entire goal for the day. I'm gonna become a little tonychrysalis. Drink coffee inside of it until I can emerge as a beautiful genius capable of Doing Thinks and Kicking Everyone's Ass."

I literally laughed myself into a coughing fit.
Fandom:Marvel  Fandom:Avengers  Fandom:Spiderman  Character:Tony_Stark(Ironman)  Character:Rhodey(War_Machine)  Character:Peter_Parker(Spiderman)  Story_Length:Short  F:Fanart  Mood:Hysterical 
july 2017 by Carnadosa
Let's Dance
Summary: They're trapped in a ghost ballet. You can't punch ethereal ballerinas. It's not just rude, it's physically impossible. They're going to be stuck there forever and then die, probably.

|| Everything about this is amazing.
SD:Fic  SD:Gen  Fandom:DCU  Character:Bruce_Wayne(Batman)  Character:Clark_Kent  Character:Diana(Wonder_Woman)  Character:Barry_Allen(Flash)  Character:Hal_Jordan(Green_Lantern)  Story_Length:Short  Mood:Hysterical  Character:Zatanna_Zatara 
september 2016 by Carnadosa
#weedhorse69
Summary: Superman decided to try out a new costume. He did not consult the artist. In fairness, he was a little miffed that he'd been drawing weird porn of him, so. Fair's fair.

|| I laughed for five solid minutes when it first went round tumbr
SD:Document_Fic  Mood:Hysterical  Story_Length:Short  Fandom:DCU 
may 2016 by Carnadosa
princess thundernuts, 10 VALENTINE'S GIFTS FOR YOUR LOVED ONES: SKYMALL EDITION
10 VALENTINE’S GIFTS FOR YOUR LOVED ONES: SKYMALL EDITION

Valentine’s Day is almost here! Let SKYMALL help you choose the perfect gift for your significant other to produce in court as evidence for their restraining order against you!


All “gifts” were found in SkyMall’s Valentine’s Gift Guide.



1. STRAIGHTEN UP POSTURE AID

Hands-down the easiest way to tell your loved ones you hate them and want them to suffer. SkyMall has clearly photoshopped the Str8-n’-Up Posture Corrector & Hunchback Eliminator & Scoliosis Agitator onto this model, probably because the first model just fuckin’ died somehow when they actually put it on her.



2. VIDEO SCREEN MICROSCOPE

"I spent 300 dollars so we could find your penis maybe."

"Marissa, I’ve never said this to another human being, but I hope your next husband buys you the Str8-n’-Up Posture Corrector."

[And this is where I lost it.]
article  genre:humor  topic:valentine's.day  topic:presents  mood:hysterical 
february 2014 by thatspotonthe_t
To Fly Like a Moron
“Yes, the gods have given me the privilege to clothe the Puma Man in armor befitting his or her dignity,” says Vadinho serenely.

“You do this on purpose, don’t you,” says Darcy. “You throw people out of windows and make them wear horrible clothes because you think it’s funny. Can I have a helmet or something?”

For the first time, Vadinho hesitates. “The mask of the gods wields great power,” he says. “I do not doubt your courage, but it can tempt even the purest of hearts -- ”

“What?” asks Darcy. “No! I don’t need more power, I just want to cover my face.”

“Ah,” says Vadinho, and hands her a gold mask. She puts it on -- it sort of makes a whirring noise and grows to cover her whole head -- and feels much better, not in the least because it’s pretty unlikely anyone will ever connect her with a shiny Mike Tyson dressed like it’s casual Friday from hell. “The mask will remain silent as long as you refuse to call it.”

“Noted,” says Darcy.

“You have skills of your own, but some of the awesome powers of the Puma Man take many years to master,” Vadinho warns.

“How long will it take for me to learn to fake it?” asks Darcy.

Vadinho considers it for a moment. “Two, three minutes?”

“Great,” says Darcy. “Let’s make a plan.”

|| :D :D :D
SD:Fic  SD:Gen  Mood:Hysterical  Story_Length:Short  SD:Crossover  SD:Luke_I_Am_Your_Father  Fandom:Marvel  Fandom:Avengers  Character:Darcy_Lewis  Character:OC(s)  Fandom:Misc.  Character:Phil_Coulson  Character:Jane_Foster  Character:Natasha_Romonoff  Character:Tony_Stark(Ironman)  Character:Bruce_Banner(Hulk)  Character:Thor  Character:Steve_Rogers(Captain_America)  Character:Clint(Hawkeye) 
march 2013 by Carnadosa
the great outdoors:
amazonpoodle: the problem is

amazonpoodle: jim and bones are in love and spock and uhura are in love

amazonpoodle: and jim and spock are like platonic partner soulmates and bones and uhura are smug besties

amazonpoodle: but jim+uhura and spock+bones always ends in tragedy

amazonpoodle: … for jim and spock

|| :D Yes.
F:Meta  SD:Fic  Pairing:Spock/Uhura  Pairing:McCoy/Kirk  Mood:Hysterical 
march 2013 by Carnadosa
Cole Porter Never Wanted This (Or, the First Annual Production by the Beacon Hills High School Drama Club) - darthjamtart - Teen Wolf (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
Summary: Stiles grabs Isaac’s arm. “Please tell me Peter Hale isn’t our new drama teacher.”

Not an AU until season 3 airs. Probably crack.

|| “You totally howl, dude!” Stiles yells, before remembering that he really, really doesn’t want Peter to notice he’s here.

Too late. Peter’s smile turns distinctly predatory. “Mr. Stilinski,” he says. “I didn’t see your name on the sign up sheet.”

“Uh, yeah, I’m just here for moral support,” Stiles says. “Hey, now that you’re a teacher, you can’t, like, retroactively punish us for things that happened before you were hired, right?”

“No, Stiles, I can’t give you detention for setting me on fire last year,” Peter says. His smile is showing way more teeth than strictly necessary. Stiles glances nervously around the room, but Allison and Scott are deeply engrossed in staring at each other, Jackson is playing a game on his phone, and Lydia is obviously picturing Peter on fire. Her smile is somewhat terrifying.

|| 100% ridiculousness.
SD:Fic  SD:Slash  SD:First_Time  Story_Length:Short  Fandom:Teen_Wolf  Pairing:Derek/Stiles  Pairing:Erica/Boyd  Pairing:Lydia/Jackson  Character:Chris_Argent  Character:Sheriff_Stilinski  Character:Isaac_Lahey  Mood:Hysterical  SD:Het  Pairing:Scott/Allison 
september 2012 by Carnadosa
Wolf Man's Party
Summary: In which Dean and Sam Winchester investigate reports of a high school lacrosse team in Beacon Hills, California almost entirely comprised of werewolves, and the expedient application of chocolate chips to the problem first endangers, then saves, several lives.

|| Dean's been off his game since he got back from Purgatory. Oh, he's sharp enough, and quick enough, and he gets the job done. But things throw him off, things he knew he could have dealt with a year ago. Like how weird it is to look at humans now and understand that they're just humans -- not something infinitely nastier walking around in a human-shaped meat-suit. Like watching TV late at night and losing the plot because he's thinking about how strange electricity is. Like scouting out a nest of werewolves and getting sidetracked by the smell of fresh-baked cookies.

It's not that he's going crazy, he assures himself. It's just culture shock.

"I'm usually really good at this," Dean tells the woman holding the gun on him. "A year ago, I'd just show up, pop the kid over there with a silver bullet, and be out of here before you made it downstairs." He gestures at the boy with the hand holding the half-eaten stolen cookie, not the hand holding his own gun. He's a little off his rails, but he hasn't gone entirely stupid.

|| Crack. Delicious delicious crack.
SD:Fic  SD:Slash  SD:Het  Mood:Hysterical  Story_Length:Short  Fandom:Teen_Wolf  Pairing:Derek/Stiles  Pairing:Misc(M/F)  Pairing:Misc(M/M)  Character:Dean_Winchester  Character:Sam_Winchester  Character:Allison_Argent  Character:Scott_McCall  Character:Melissa_McCall  SD:Crossover  fandom:supernatural 
august 2012 by Carnadosa
a girl worth fighting for
Summary: Darcy vs inexplicable courting rituals of Asgard.

|| That makes Jane look up, finally. She levels Darcy with a look that means she's paying only about half of her attention to her stupid moon charts or whatever. 'Okay,' she says, 'hold on. When you says Sif likes you, you mean —?'

'That she likes me,' says Darcy, sounding pleading even to her own ears. 'Junior-high-awkward-Valentine-cards like. The like where she rescues me from aliens, and now I remember she's an alien, and shouldn't that be weirder, and the like where she offers to kill people who slighted me and brings me freshly killed cows.'

Jane blinks.

'It's a traditional Asgardian gift, apparently.' Darcy rubs the bridge of her nose, sighing. 'I guess I'm just really torn between freaking out and wanting to climb her like a tree,' she admits. 'I mean, did you see her thighs?'

|| Someone should give the Asgardians a copy of the evil overlord list because NEVER STOP TO MONOLOG! But then you wouldn't have this ridiculousness so.
SD:Fic  SD:Fem_Slash  Story_Length:Short  Mood:Hysterical  Fandom:Marvel  Fandom:Avengers  Character:Sif  Character:Darcy_Lewis  Character:Sharon_Carter  Character:Jane_Foster 
august 2012 by Carnadosa
The Babysitter’s Club for Unmanageable Monsters - glitterandlube - Teen Wolf (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
“And that is the story of how Scott joined Derek’s pack
and Stiles saved the werewolves,” says Danny to Allison’s mother
as they bake cookies while Jackson hides terrified in the corner.

[I am honestly confused by the plot, but I think I really liked it. Also, it occurred to me while reading this that these characters are *actually* young enough to talk like this, which was hysterical to me, since I am way too old to talk like this. And yet I do. DON'T JUDGE ME, EARL; I HAVE A PROBLEM. Three, maybe? I don't know - it was so fun I'm tempted to a four.]
fandom:teenwolf  author:glitterandlube  pairing:nofuckingclue  genre:nofuckingclue  genre:humor  mood:hysterical  mood:fun  torec 
july 2012 by thatspotonthe_t
Walk The Plank
"Cougs is an alien." Jensen confides to Aisha in a whisper.

He's three bottles past drunk and wearing a pirate hat that says BFF #1 in gold stitching on it. Aisha takes this information with a grain of salt.

"An alien, hmm?"

Roque nods, looking serious in a way normally reserved for running from the Alliance. "We're gonna get proof one day."

Aisha smiles like they aren't crazy and does her best to not stare at Roque's eye patch, which has the golden letters BFF #2 stitched into it.

|| The River mention is priceless.
SD:Fic  SD:Slash  SD:Het  SD:Gen  SD:Crossover  Mood:humor  Fandom:The_Losers(2010)  fandom:firefly  Pairing:Cougar/Jensen  Pairing:Aisha/Clay  Pairing:Pooch/Jolene  Character:William_Roque  Story_Length:Short  Mood:Hysterical  SD:Luke_I_Am_Your_Father  SD:In_Space 
may 2012 by Carnadosa
Mitt Romney vs. Paul Rudd as Bobby Newport | Indecision Blog | Political Humor | Comedy Central's Indecision
Which raises the question: Who is more electable, Mitt Romney or Bobby Newport, heir to the Sweetums fortune and candidate for Pawnee city council on NBC's Parks & Recreation?

.

Round One: Penchant for Platitudinous Oratory

"I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that's the America millions of Americans believe in. That's the America I love." – Mitt Romney

"I'm against crime and I'm not ashamed to admit it." – Bobby Newport

Advantage: Romney

[WHAT IS MY LIFE.]
article  fandom:politician.rpf  fandom:parksandrecreation  crossover  fandom:rl  genre:humor  mood:hysterical 
may 2012 by thatspotonthe_t
Photon Potatoes
"You," Sheldon emphasized pointedly, "told my mother that your father made the best mashed potatoes west of the Mississippi."

"Well, that sounds fairly harmless?"

"Texas is west of the Mississippi."

"Sheldon, I'm not an idiot. I know basic geogra...oh, God! Oh, God! There's going to be a potato war in East Texas like you have never seen before."

Sheldon nodded. "We — are — doomed."

"Guys?" Leonard interrupted. "Do you mind filling us in? Because this stopped making sense a long time ago."

"Penny introduced our parents via telephone. She then proceeded to imply that my mother's mashed potatoes are secondary in quality to her father's mashed potatoes."

"I'm sure she'll apologize."

"Oh, Leonard, you don't understand," Penny whispered. It had all come back, all of it. Sheldon was right. It was all over. "Sheldon's mother invited my father for the holidays. They're going to have a potato cook-off."

|| This is basically the best thing ever. Tiger pajamas! Potato wars! Same minimum security facility! Meemaw and Penny, BBF!
SD:Fic  SD:Het  SD:First_Time  Fandom:Big_Bang_Theory  Pairing:Penny/Sheldon  SD:Meeting_the_Family  Story_Length:Medium  Mood:Hysterical  Character:Leonard_Hofstadter  Character:Rajesh_Koothrappali  Character:Howard_Wolowitz  Character:Bernadette_Rostenkowski  Character:Amy_Fowler  SD:Marriage  SD:Favorite_Ever 
may 2012 by Carnadosa
It Was A Dark and Stormy Life
It turns out that Chuck's a fucking expert in being a lazy procrastinating slacker. According to him, his schedule even now involves waking up, enjoying a breakfast of Coors and cold Hawaiian pizza, jerking off in the shower, trolling gaming websites, and making funny macros from screencaps of Saturday morning cartoons from the '80s, right up until his head starts to throb and he begins his daily ritual of typing while swilling Jack Daniels on his way to a nightly alcoholic coma.

It's not fancy or classy, but hey, it's a lifestyle.

And while Sam can sift primo supernatural research out of any website short of Stuff White People Like, he'll freely admit that he's never been very good at killing time on the internet. Hell, how can he be when he could be always doing more valuable things on the communal Winchester laptop like clearing out all the big-breasted Asian pornography and returning emails to guys on dating websites to inform them that no, Dean Winchester does not actually have a hot brunette sister who really just needs a hug? Shit like that needs taking care of ASAP.

|| A+++ Would LOL again.
SD:Fic  SD:Gen  Mood:Hysterical  Story_Length:Short  fandom:supernatural  Character:Chuck(prophet)  Character:Sam_Winchester  Character:Dean_Winchester  character:castiel  F:Fandom 
april 2012 by Carnadosa
fv_poster | Gift for Gianduja Kiss (Maru the Cat)
Music: "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2
Summary: Maru/boxes.

|| I laughed like a hyena.
E:Video  Fandom:Misc.  Mood:Hysterical 
january 2012 by Carnadosa
sort of like the hilton but without pillow mints
Summary: In which Steve gets a much-needed vacation, and prison totally isn't as bad as they make it look on TV.

|| "It's just..." Steve sighs. "You know, running the task force, it was great, I love you guys, but there was always this pressure, you know? This pressure to abide by the rules and not shoot people unless they're armed. And here, there are no expectations! If someone disrespects you, you just beat the shit out of them and they never touch you again, you know? There's a kind of freedom in that. I also really enjoy the mashed potatoes."

"The mashed potatoes," Danny echoes. "Are you fucking kidding me."

"They're kind of golden and flaky and just..." Steve's eyes glaze over. "I can't even describe 'em, man."

|| Bwhahaha. That is all.
SD:Fic  SD:Gen  Fandom:H50  Character:Steve_McGarrett  Character:Danny_Williams  Mood:Hysterical  Story_Length:Short 
november 2011 by Carnadosa
sarahtales: Teen Wolf
WELCOME TO BEACON HILLS

POPULATION: 2375.
SHIRTS: 4.
LACROSSE FANS: 2375 (there was one dude in Beacon Hills who wasn't a lacrosse fan, but the werewolves killed that guy.)

SCOTT MCCALL: Our hapless protagonist. Severely asthmatic. Dumb as a box of rocks. Does not own a shirt.
STILES: Obligatory genre-savvy best friend of protagonist. Is on meds for ADHD, super smart but cannot focus in class. Owns all the shirts in town. Never shares.
SARAH: appreciates the fact that there are reasons for these kids to be loners, rather than 'too deep to fit in.'

JACKSON: Minor antagonist. Captain of the lacrosse team! LACROSSE is very big in California. Dumb as a box of slightly more intelligent rocks than Scott's.
LYDIA: his beautiful mean-girl girlfriend. Sekritly smart but pretending not to be to please him. (Lydia, be better than this.)

ALLISON: beautiful new girl in town. Family has lots of weapons. Surname Argent.
SCOTT: ... does not speak French.

SCOTT: I got bit by a wolf and now I am awesome at lacrosse! Rule!
STILES: This is lycanthropy, Scott.
SCOTT: OH MY GOD, IS THAT SERIOUS? WILL I GET A RASH?
F:Fandom  Mood:Hysterical  Fandom:Teen_Wolf  F:Overview 
october 2011 by Carnadosa
norsekink: Prompt Post No. 2
I didn't know I was pregnant! I don't care which one is knocked up, but if it's Thor, please have something in there on how he thought Loki was the one who was supposed to be able to have kids. DO EET FOR THE LULZ.

|| This is fucking hilarious, but WARNING there's this whole thing in the middle where Thor's like, "hey! remember that time you got forced transformed into another animal and got raped by that horse? Good times." Also warning for Loki being rather sociopathic (though the scorpion thing was funny). The last line may be my favorite part actually. Also Carol's line, and Jessica's too.
SD:Fic  Fandom:Marvel  Fandom:Thor  Fandom:Avengers  Story_Length:Short  Pairing:Thor/Loki  Character:Wanda(Scarlet_Witch)  Character:Steve_Rogers(Captain_America)  Character:Tony_Stark(Ironman)  Character:Nick_Fury  Character:Frigga  Character:Jessica_Drew(Spiderwomen)  Character:Aunt_May  Character:Carol_Danvers(Ms.Marvel)  Mood:Hysterical  Warning:Consent_Issues  from delicious
september 2011 by Carnadosa
amplificathon: [sherlock bbc] go the f*** to sleep, sherlock
Do you know the bedtime storybook called "Go the Fuck to Sleep"? Yeah, that one! WELL, UH. So this fic is exactly what you're thinking.

|| LOLOLOLOL
F:Pod_fic  Mood:Hysterical  Fandom:Sherlock(BBC_2010)  Pairing:Holmes/Watson  from delicious
september 2011 by Carnadosa
Comp Time by sabinelagrande
Summary: One Monday morning, Rodney McKay stopped going to work.

|| By Friday, Lab 4 had mutinied and declared themselves a sovereign research facility, and certain of the Marines were providing armed support. When Radek locked himself in the jumper bay and refused to come out unless under Air Force protection, Elizabeth realized she needed to send in reinforcements.

Teyla Emmagan and Ronon Dex knocked at Rodney's quarters at ten a.m. After a few moments, John answered the door, wearing boxer shorts and a t-shirt bearing the legend, "Flirt harder, I'm a physicist" which was entirely too big on him. "Hey, guys," he mumbled sleepily.

"Is it not imprudent to be answering the wrong door, John?" Teyla told him, looking faintly scandalized on his behalf.

"I reprogrammed a lifesigns detector," Rodney called from the bed. "If you'd read as Terrans, we'd have hid in the closet."
SD:Fic  SD:Slash  SD:Established_Relationship  Mood:Hysterical  Story_Length:Short  Fandom:SGA  Pairing:McKay/Sheppard  Character:Ronon  Character:Teyla  Character:Radek_Zelenka  Character:Elizabeth_Weir  Character:Miko  Character:Kate_Brown  Character:Lorne  from delicious
august 2011 by Carnadosa

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