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Tumbling HP Crossovers - Chapter 21 - esama - Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling [Archive of Our Own]
Attempt at accidental Supervillain Harry.

|| The day began almost disgustingly normally. Harry woke up in the soft fresh sheets of the absolutely lovely muggle bed-and-breakfast he'd settled in the night previous, and down in the dinner hall slash restaurant he was served what was possibly some of the best eggs and bacon he had ever had since leaving Hogwarts. The newspaper was full of celebrities and politicians and recent events, none of which ring a bell, and there was news on the radio, full of equally nonsensical stuff. It was a pleasant white noise of nonessential information, and almost blissfully meaningless.

He'd decided that, since it was such a lovely day, he was going to do all of the boring stuff he'd been putting off in the hopes that maybe the whole alternate reality situation would resolve itself. It hadn't, and Harry had been putting it off too long. He was going to do it that day. He was going to go to a bank – a muggle bank, no goblins in sight – and open an account.

He had a good feeling about it too.
SD:Fic  SD:Gen  Mood:humor  Story_Length:Short  Fandom:Harry_Potter  Fandom:Marvel  Character:Harry_Potter  Character:Phil_Coulson 
december 2018 by Carnadosa
ghivashel
a stupid self-indulgent drabble i wrote a week or so ago to try and break out of my writer’s block and find thorin’s and bilbo’s voices again before i write anything heavier. there is no plot, only mutual mockery and marital banter based on linguistic differences, which is only funny to me, apparently.

*

“It snew this morning,” Bilbo said.

And Thorin said, “Pardon?”
SD:Fic  SD:Slash  SD:Established_Relationship  Mood:humor  Mood:happy  Story_Length:Short  Fandom:The_Hobbit  Pairing:Bilbo/Thorin 
october 2018 by Carnadosa
Suffer Me Not the Little Children
Summary: "For some reason, Thorin attracts baby animals wherever he goes. It's a problem."

Hobbit Kink Meme Fill (http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/13429.html?thread=24617845#t24617845)
SD:Fic  SD:Slash  SD:First_Time  Fandom:The_Hobbit  Pairing:Bilbo/Thorin  Mood:humor 
july 2018 by Carnadosa
A Proper Celebration
Summary: The aviators are invited to a formal party following the battle of Dover. Laurence is given the unenviable task of preparing everyone.

|| :D
SD:Fic  SD:Gen  Story_Length:Short  Mood:humor  Fandom:Temeraire  Character:William_Laurence 
april 2018 by Carnadosa
We're Gonna Need a Bigger Doggy Door
Summary: Hela came across the beast in one of the gardens, curled into a ball with its nose tucked under its tail. "Hello," she said, sensing usefulness. "What's this?"

"That's, uh, Fenris," Skurge told her, eyeing the beast warily and trying to remember if the correct form of address was 'Prince' Fenris or not. "He's Prince Loki's son."

Or, the one where Fenris is closer to his mythological origins but, if everyone's honest, takes after Uncle Thor more than anyone, and Mummy's Dead is the worst game he and Loki have ever played.
SD:Fic  SD:Gen  Fandom:Marvel  Fandom:Avengers  Fandom:Thor  Character:Thor  Character:Loki  Character:Fenris  Story_Length:Short  Mood:humor  via:Carnadosa 
november 2017 by omendreamer
We're Gonna Need a Bigger Doggy Door
Summary: Hela came across the beast in one of the gardens, curled into a ball with its nose tucked under its tail. "Hello," she said, sensing usefulness. "What's this?"

"That's, uh, Fenris," Skurge told her, eyeing the beast warily and trying to remember if the correct form of address was 'Prince' Fenris or not. "He's Prince Loki's son."

Or, the one where Fenris is closer to his mythological origins but, if everyone's honest, takes after Uncle Thor more than anyone, and Mummy's Dead is the worst game he and Loki have ever played.
SD:Fic  SD:Gen  Fandom:Marvel  Fandom:Avengers  Fandom:Thor  Character:Thor  Character:Loki  Character:Fenris  Story_Length:Short  Mood:humor 
november 2017 by Carnadosa
Arkenrocks
Summary: The thing Gandalf neglected to mention when he assured Thorin Oakenshield and Company that Bilbo Baggins of Bag End would be the perfect thief for their mission was this:

A Hobbit wouldn't be able to tell a diamond from a pearl, or from an Arkenstone - no matter how hard they try.

This leads to some confusion, on Bilbos part. And some frustration, again on Bilbos part.

 

(What sort of a description was 'heart of the mountain', anyway? A useless one, that's what.)
SD:Fic  SD:Gen  Mood:humor  Story_Length:Short  Fandom:The_Hobbit  Character:Gandalf  Character:Bilbo_Baggins  Character:Thorin_Oakenshield  Character:Smaug 
november 2017 by Carnadosa
Matchmaking wars
Summary: The pack tries to get Stiles and Derek together. Only... they are already together.

|| Stiles made a pleased noise as Derek pressed him down on the couch, claiming his mouth in an intense kiss. The werewolf gently lowered his body on top of the boy's, keeping himself propped up on his elbow placed next to his head. Stiles' hands started to wander across his back and shoulders, eventually finding their way under his shirt as their make out session got progressively longer.

That's how the Sheriff found them a few minutes later.

“Jesus, again?!” the Sheriff groaned. It wasn't the first time he walked in on them making out (and he made sure it will be just making out until Stiles turned eighteen), but he hoped to never see them doing it on his couch again.
SD:Fic  SD:Slash  SD:Established_Relationship  SD:Matchmaker  Fandom:Teen_Wolf  Pairing:Derek/Stiles  Character:Lydia_Martin  Character:Jackson_Whittemore  Character:Scott_McCall  Character:Allison_Argent  Character:Erica_Reyes  Character:Isaac_Lahey  Character:Boyd  Character:Sheriff_Stilinski  Character:Peter_Hale  Mood:humor  Story_Length:Short 
october 2017 by Carnadosa
Follow the hallucinations! — Sorry about that
Happy unexpected anniversary! Here is another unexpected anniversary in form of fic. Based on “imagine Bilbo arriving to the anniversary party in Erebor late with a Starbucks”. Since there is no Starbucks in Middle Earth, he got an eagle and a tan, and, well, we all know Bilbo is only late when Gandalf is involved. XD
So: Bagginshield anniversary fic, alternating between humor and sap.
SD:Fic  Mood:humor  Story_Length:Short  Fandom:The_Hobbit  Pairing:Bilbo/Thorin  Character:Kili  Character:Dwalin  Character:Fili 
april 2017 by Carnadosa
Actions Speak Louder than Words
Summary: “Stubborn child!” the hat suddenly boomed out with exasperation dripping his tone. “Better be Slytherin!”

|| “Slytherin!”

Everyone burst into whispers as the Boy-Who-Lived numbly took off the hat and gave it to a thin lipped McGonagall who looked just as shocked and disapproving as everyone in the room. Harry avoided Malfoy’s smug crowing whose eyes said ‘you-should’ve-picked-me’.

He picked the end of the table and sat down, shoulders slumped and wanting to disappear. The hat didn’t listen to his plea and now he was going to be all alone in a house that probably detested his very existence.

In the crowd, Ron Weasley narrowed his eyes at Harry’s downtrodden form, the chess master’s mind whirling.

|| :D
SD:Fic  SD:Gen  Mood:Silly  Fandom:Harry_Potter  Character:Harry_Potter  Character:Ron_Weasley  SD:Sorting_AU  SD:Mulitple_Povs  Character:Twins_Weasley  Story_Length:Short  Mood:humor 
february 2017 by Carnadosa
where moments turn into forever
Summary: The requested fic was for: fluffy Shire AU Bagginshield, with a bit of Bofur/Fíli and Kíliel

“Trouble sleeping?” Bilbo couldn’t help but tease.

“We were just-“ Bofur began, twisting around to look at Bilbo, a hint of a guilt hovering over his face when he glanced back down at the table.

“Not doing anything in particular,” Fíli finished, letting his half of the table fall down on the floor with a thunk.
SD:Fic  SD:Slash  SD:Het  SD:Established_Relationship  Mood:humor  Story_Length:Short  Fandom:The_Hobbit  Pairing:Bilbo/Thorin  Character:Kili  Character:Tauriel  Character:Fili  Character:Bofur 
january 2017 by Carnadosa
Solid Copy
Summary: Jensen shifted his gaze to Cougar. “I really thought that if I ever had to say the words ‘telepathic disaster,’ it’d be a lot cooler than this is turning out to be.”

|| Everything was going according to plan. They’d had only the standard, normal kinds of difficulty penetrating the Best Western of Doom. (Jensen had a lot of questions to ask Edward Bernhard, and the second most pressing currently was, “Who sets up a mad scientist’s lair in a former Best Western hotel?” Because this shit was just embarrassing.) They were following the plan to get the mysterious device their mysterious employer was willing to pay top dollar for. Pooch was waiting outside in the getaway vehicle, Clay and Aisha were holding down their egress route and keeping their eyes open for the guards Bernhard mysteriously seemed not to have, and, in the former second floor balcony room 212, Cougar was watching Jensen’s back while he did his magic on Bernhard’s systems, trying to find the doohickey they’d come to steal. Unfortunately, their employer had been able to supply some drawings, an unhelpful description, and a location that boiled down to “somewhere in the hotel.” And there was a lot of hotel, and it was full of junk. Piled on other junk. With more junk inside it.

It was a combination hotel/lair/garage sale from hell, and it was getting on Jensen’s nerves.

“This would be a lot easier,” Jensen observed, “if this entire place wasn’t basically ready to host an episode of Hoarders: Mad Scientist Edition.”
SD:Fic  SD:Slash  SD:First_Time  SD:Sex  Fandom:The_Losers(2010)  Pairing:Cougar/Jensen  SD:Superpowers  Mood:humor  Character:Linwood_Porteous(Pooch)  Character:Aisha_al-Fadhil  Character:Franklin_Clay  via:Carnadosa 
january 2017 by yarngeek
Solid Copy
Summary: Jensen shifted his gaze to Cougar. “I really thought that if I ever had to say the words ‘telepathic disaster,’ it’d be a lot cooler than this is turning out to be.”

|| Everything was going according to plan. They’d had only the standard, normal kinds of difficulty penetrating the Best Western of Doom. (Jensen had a lot of questions to ask Edward Bernhard, and the second most pressing currently was, “Who sets up a mad scientist’s lair in a former Best Western hotel?” Because this shit was just embarrassing.) They were following the plan to get the mysterious device their mysterious employer was willing to pay top dollar for. Pooch was waiting outside in the getaway vehicle, Clay and Aisha were holding down their egress route and keeping their eyes open for the guards Bernhard mysteriously seemed not to have, and, in the former second floor balcony room 212, Cougar was watching Jensen’s back while he did his magic on Bernhard’s systems, trying to find the doohickey they’d come to steal. Unfortunately, their employer had been able to supply some drawings, an unhelpful description, and a location that boiled down to “somewhere in the hotel.” And there was a lot of hotel, and it was full of junk. Piled on other junk. With more junk inside it.

It was a combination hotel/lair/garage sale from hell, and it was getting on Jensen’s nerves.

“This would be a lot easier,” Jensen observed, “if this entire place wasn’t basically ready to host an episode of Hoarders: Mad Scientist Edition.”
SD:Fic  SD:Slash  SD:First_Time  SD:Sex  Fandom:The_Losers(2010)  Pairing:Cougar/Jensen  SD:Superpowers  Mood:humor  Character:Linwood_Porteous(Pooch)  Character:Aisha_al-Fadhil  Character:Franklin_Clay 
january 2017 by Carnadosa
Maturity is Relative
Summary: "I'm not—" I sputtered, indignant. "I'm not a child! It's a…it's a technicality! And I probably could get it, except they'd want to see my identification, and I—" Marcone held up a hand, forestalling me. Usually that wouldn't have worked, but I was actually relieved for the excuse to shut up.

"You can't get it for me…because you'll be carded?" he asked carefully, his brow furrowing in disbelief.

(Or the one where Marcone learns that by Wizard standards, Dresden isn't actually considered a legal adult).

|| :DDD
SD:Fic  SD:Gen  Fandom:Dresden_Files  Mood:humor  Story_Length:Short  SD:Cool_Idea  SD:Secret_Revealed  Character:Gard  Character:John_Marcone 
january 2017 by Carnadosa
Some Translation Required
Summary: Spock was able, at any given moment, to understand at least 50% of whatever it was Montgomery Scott was doing at any given moment.

|| Spock thought if he could publish something which explained Earthlings, he would stop having to have these conversations.

He would also probably win the Intergalactic Peace Prize and be able to retire off of the speaking fees alone. Of course, if money were an object, Spock would have gone into something far more lucrative than Starfleet.

“It was wedged--damaged,” T’Rei, a Vulcan High Councilor and Board Member at the Vulcan Science Academy, was saying in her sharply precise voice. “And giving off radiation at lethal levels.”

“Yes,” Spock agreed, pouring himself another cup of tea. They were arranged in a conference room at Starfleet, where Dr. McCoy had just given a highly-edited version of his How-To-Revive-Jim-Kirk-After-He-Dies-of-Radiation speech, and Spock had been thoroughly unsurprised to find his presence requested by the Vulcan attendees--indeed, even the non-attendees were here, because though they would always deny it, Vulcans loved a good “The Earthling Did What?” story.

“He kicked it,” Spock edified. Jim had had hairline fractures in all of his leg bones, and his right hip had need some regeneration as well. McCoy had been furious about that, as well.

“Kicked it,” she repeated, and the other four members shifted in their seats.

“Oh yes,” Spock agreed blithely. “Repeatedly.”

|| Features humans as team "hold my beer".
SD:Fic  SD:Slash  SD:First_Time  SD:Gen  Mood:humor  Story_Length:Short  Fandom:Startrek_Reboot  Pairing:Kirk/Spock  Character:OC(s) 
december 2016 by Carnadosa
a little human(oid) interest
Summary: Surprising everyone, including Spock himself, the senior crew of the Enterprise was invited to a black-tie gala a week after the ship’s return Earth, hosted by none other than Dr. Amanda Grayson.

|| “Apparently, your ship is weird,” Sybok said with an air of mystery. “And people who don’t care too much about exploration and stuff outside of how cheap it makes their fuel and groceries—they cared about you guys. Like, a lot. The logs your crew submitted to Starfleet were put out as PR videos, all, here’s what we’re doing in space! And then it kind of became the most popular show in the Federation while you were gone?” Sybok crossed his arms and tapped his chin. “I probably should have mentioned this in my letters, but I thought you were involved, obviously.”

“...our ship is weird?”
SD:Fic  SD:Slash  SD:Established_Relationship  SD:Gen  SD:Family_of_Choice  Story_Length:Short  Fandom:Startrek_Reboot  Mood:humor  Pairing:Kirk/Spock  Character:Amanda_Greyson  Character:Sybok 
december 2016 by Carnadosa
writing-prompt-s: Mumbling, the King looked away... | Caffeine and Magix
Mumbling, the King looked away from his knight and muttered, “I need you to save the dragon… from my princess.”
SD:Fic  SD:Gen  SD:Het  Story_Length:Short  Mood:humor 
december 2016 by Carnadosa
Hearts Will As Hearts Must
Summary: The Dwarves are returning to Erebor reclaimed, and the elves uphold their promise to safeguard the caravans as they pass through Mirkwood.

One particular Dwarf has wit and spark enough to match Legolas Greenleaf - perhaps even outmatch him.

It's hate at first sight.

|| “Quiet!”

“I am being quiet! This is as quiet as we get!”

“And yet you still speak, and you crash through the trees as though you were a herd of Oliphaunts! Do you mean to run into every single one?” Legolas growled, and he rubbed at his forehead. There was a tension headache building just behind his eyes. Why had he offered to scout ahead again?

Oh yes, that was it. He had wanted some respite from the crashing, noisy, foul-mouthed and foul-natured Dwarves. They moved in slow, stately procession through the Greenwood now, returning to the seat of their old Kingdom. Elves had been set to guide and guard every wagon and train, to ensure their safety and protect their own lands.

But his moment of peace was not to be: not to be outdone, the very worst of the lot had offered to join him. ‘Lightest, swiftest and youngest,’ he remembered the Dwarf saying, his peach-fuzz jaw out-thrust.

|| :DDD
SD:Fic  SD:Slash  SD:First_Time  Fandom:The_Hobbit  Pairing:Gimli/Legolas  Fandom:LOTR  Character:Bilbo_Baggins  Character:Thorin_Oakenshield  Character:Fili  Character:Kili  Character:Dis  Character:Gloin  Character:Thranduil  Character:Tauriel  Character:Dwalin  Character:Dain  Story_Length:Medium  Mood:humor 
october 2016 by Carnadosa

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