life-advice   682

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THIS IS BECAUSE DIGNITY DOES NOT COME EXTERNALLY BUT FROM WITHIN. From the outside I probably seemed great, but inside I did not feel like a man. I had internal insecurities that stemmed from PMO. So what does it mean to "feel like a man?" Since quitting PMO I feel filled with confident energy, deeper emotion, and a stronger sense of purpose. The only way to understand what I'm talking about is to experience it for yourself. I could have all the girls, fun, and social life in the world but still not feel alive. Again, that is because feeling alive comes from within. SO IF YOU WANT TO FEEL ALIVE THEN YOU HAVE TO CHANGE, NOT YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. In my experience, this feeling of manhood comes from PMO abstinence (I did hard mode). The difference in how I conduct myself is night and day compared to 90 days ago, because I now conduct myself as a man and not a teenager in a 24 year olds body. I'm more responsible, creative, emotional (in a good way), diligent, and peaceful. Again I want to reiterate it: the greatest benefit of nofap is not that girls suddenly fall at your feet. I could have all the hotties in the world (which would be tight), but self-dignity and a sense of manhood is far greater a reward. The greatest benefit from nofap is feeling like a man. IF YOU ARE ASPIRING TOWARDS 90 DAYS, GET READY TO LIVE FROM SELF RESPECT, NOT FOR SELF RESPECT.


2). WOMEN. Okay, so this is what most want to talk about. It seems in this sub that the thesis is "don't fap, and you can have the confidence to get laid." Sounds great, but that is a porn addicts way of thinking. When you stop fapping you don't need girls to throw themselves at you anymore. Let me phrase it like this: PMO me wished that he could get hot girls in bed at the drop of a dime. Non-PMO realizes that relationship with women is so much more emotionally deep. Yes, I want/like sex, but I don't want to just get laid. I want to fight for and win a woman's heart. That's what men do. Boys just want a porno experience. Men want a chance at developing a relationship with a woman, because women are people and not sex objects. PMO me would chat up girls just to flirt and tease. Non PMO me engages women because the rich conversations and shared experiences are far better than flirting and fantasizing. You might rebut "well after not fapping for 2 weeks I got laid 79 times." Good for you, but I'm not settling for a life of mindless stimulation. I'm striving towards a life of fulfillment. IF YOU ARE ASPIRING TOWARDS 90 DAYS, GET READY TO ENJOY BEING WITH WOMEN, NOT OBJECTIFYING GIRLS.

3). TIPS AND ADVICE First week is the hardest. You're an addict coming off your dope. Don't get obsessed with tips, tricks, and ways to make it easy. You are going to have to go into the furnace of transformation, and let me tell you that you will suffer. Nothing worth having comes easy. But it is worth it, so suffer on. Week 2-4 I got really emotional. This is because I realized how weak of a man I am. I mentioned that the greatest benefit of nofap is feeling like a man. Well to get there, you first have to realize how much of a boy you are. Nofap will take the blinders off of the fantasy world you've been living in. You will confront yourself. I was emotional because I also started craving relationship. PMO numbs our inherent need for relationship with cheap stimulation. You will feel that crave strongly, and it will make you emotional. I cried a couple times for the first time in years (this is a GOOD thing). Again, suffer on. After about 3 weeks or so it's easier to say no to the urges. However, literally from week 4 or 5 UNTIL day 70 I had what I think is called flat line. Feeling less like I'm bursting at the seams with energy, and a little more asexual. You will question if it is even worth it. Should I just look at porn to see if I even feel anything? Don't. To me the flat line is harder than the urges, because at least during the urges there is a strong fight. In the flat line you start to even wonder if the fight is worth it. Post day 70, is when I started to feel the fuller effects of the aforementioned self respect and dignity. IF YOU ARE ASPIRING TOWARDS 90 DAYS, GET READY TO SUFFER. IT'S WORTH IT.

CLOSING: My advice? Just do it. Suffer. Nothing worth having is had easily. You are killing a part of yourself. Kill it. Feel the frustration, the urges, the emotions, the flat lines. Because you will come out the other end feeling like a man.
porn  life-advice 
8 hours ago by lwhlihu
[Draft] A Complete Beginner's Guide to NoFap : NoFap
As a vet of NoFap (multiple older accounts) I can easily say that the computer screen is a more detrimental and addictive force than a porn site. If you quit porn but not mindless browsing, you'll plateau and inevitably fail to make important changes in your life like I did on my first NoFap run.

I went hard mode for 90+ days on my first rodeo, but there's a catch. I spent 90% of my free time playing video games. I thought it would just be a magical transformation. It isn't.

NoFap is one step in the larger campaign of freeing yourself from mindless, instant gratification. The modern personal computer is really not much more than a glorified Skinner's box for humans. You'll learn to appreciate the feeling of true boredom once you realize that what usually comes after is inspired by a genuine energy.

People, books, and the real world are so much more interesting when you eliminate lower forms of thoughtless entertainment. I recommend two days away from a computer (phone included unless using just for calls) to see just what I mean, coupled with NoFap if possible.
porn  cell-phone-use  millenials  life-advice  deep-work 
8 hours ago by lwhlihu
The bed-bug whisperer of Brooklyn | The Outline
“For the most part, once you start asking people questions they get away from hysteria and start making a game plan,” he said. “They just want you to tell them it’s going to be okay.”
coaching  life-advice  how-to-help-others 
18 hours ago by lwhlihu
Mirror, mirror | Seth's Blog
If you're fortunate enough to have a selfie with President Obama, with Bono or with Sarah Jones, what do you look at when you look at the picture? Do you focus on the tie he was wearing, or her earrings? Or are you worried about the bit of parsley that was in your teeth or the ridiculous jacket you were wearing that day?

We like to see.

But mostly, we're worried about being seen.

We spend far more time looking at ourselves in sunglasses than anyone else ever will.

And social media might appear to be about seeing what others are doing. But it's actually about our juxtaposition with those others, our standing, our status… The reason we want to know what people are saying behind our backs isn't because we care about them, it's because we care about us.

The culture of celebrity that came with TV has shifted. It's no longer about hoping for a glimpse of a star. It's back to the source–hoping for a glimpse of ourselves, ourselves being seen.
seth-godin  life-advice  social-media  millenials  inner-game 
18 hours ago by lwhlihu
DeMar DeRozan opens up about mental health struggles athletes face
DeMar DeRozan has been very open about his battle with depression. From an outsiders point of view, the NBA star has it all. His contract, 5 years $139,000,000 ensures that he is financially well off, which many people associate with being in a good place. 

But in a recent feature story by ESPN’s Jackie MacMullan about the NBA’s mental health issue, DeRozan spoke to the point that being rich doesn’t mean everything else comes easily.

“You think when you come from a difficult environment that if you get out and you make it to the NBA, all that bad stuff is supposed to be wiped clean,” DeRozan told MacMullan “But then this whole new dynamic loaded with stress comes your way.

“People say, ‘What are you depressed about? You can buy anything you want.’ I wish everyone in the world was rich so they would realize money isn’t everything.”
depression  money  happiness  athletes  wealth  life-advice 
4 days ago by lwhlihu
Axios AM - September 14, 2018 - Axios
Jeff Bezos gave a master class on life and business onstage in Washington last night, with this keeper advice: "All of my best decisions in business and in life have been made with heart, intuition, guts, ... not analysis."

"If you can make a decision with analysis, you should do so. But it turns out in life that your most important decisions are always made with instinct and intuition."
jeff-bezos  life-advice  success  business 
6 days ago by lwhlihu
EMAIL - 8 best ways to make more money
I’m a huge believer in taking action, even if it's a small step forward.

Yet when I look around, in every area of life, I see people doing the exact opposite. Instead of hunting for ways to succeed, they convince themselves their goals are out of reach … many then do nothing.

DATING: "I can't just walk up to her, she’ll think I’m creepy"
FITNESS: "I can't lose weight, I’m too busy to exercise"
BUSINESS: “Every idea I have has been done. Why try?”
ramit-sethi  mindset-barrier  mindset-success  success  mindset  life-advice  start-now 
6 days ago by lwhlihu
The daily | Seth's Blog
The daily
Is there something you do every day that builds an asset for you?

Every single day?

Something that creates another bit of intellectual property that belongs to you?

Something that makes an asset you own more valuable?

Something that you learn?

Every single day is a lot of days. It’s easy to look at the long run and lull yourself into skipping a day now and then.

But the long run is made up of short runs.
life-advice  seth-godin  success  career  work  business 
16 days ago by lwhlihu
In search of your chord | Seth's Blog
Your work can struggle to fit in. Or you can do the hard work of having it stand out.

As you can see from the notes on the single chord the Beatles developed, it’s not obvious or simple. And most of the time, it doesn’t even work. But if you find a chord and stick with it, again and again, for years, then, over time, it might become yours.
seth-godin  work  career  creative-work  life-advice  success 
17 days ago by lwhlihu
Jocko Willink: The Relationship Between Discipline And Freedom
Schawbel: Can you talk about some of the mental and physical disciplines you practice on a daily basis?

Willink: No one wants to hear this, but step number one is to wake up early. That is where it starts. It does take discipline to get out of bed early, but that sets the tone and the pattern of discipline for the rest of the day.

The next thing to do is exercise — do something physical. Again, that takes discipline, but it gives you momentum in the right direction. Exercise also has real physiological impacts on the body and mind that pay dividends all day.

One of the best mental disciplines for people to implement is simply putting together a schedule or a task list and actually executing it. Write the list or the schedule the night before, and then do what you said you would do. Life becomes much better when you do that.


Schawbel: Can you share an example of how you transformed your life after creating a discipline and sticking to it?

Willink: Basically everything positive in my life has come from discipline. I didn’t make it through SEAL Training based on my natural athletic abilities; no, I had the discipline to train hard in preparation and then work hard during the training. My career in the SEAL Teams was not based on some intrinsic gift, but rather on the willingness to do what needed to be done, and to do that day after day. I did well in college not because of some supreme intellect, but because I had the discipline to study hard. When I was inspired to write books, that inspiration didn’t sit down and start typing for hundreds of hours; no, it was the discipline that actually put the words on paper.

And that is the real message: If you want to transform your life in a positive way, that transformation will not happen by itself. You need to make it happen. You need to do the work. You need to put in the hours, the days, the weeks, the months, and the years. You need to get on the path and stay on the path—the path that leads to the positive transformations, the path that leads to a better you, the path that leads to freedom.

And that path is the hard path. The tough path. The relentless path. It is the path of Discipline. And the path of Discipline is the only way. Discipline Equals Freedom.
jocko-willink  discipline  success  life-advice  morning-workout  morning-routine  early-riser 
18 days ago by lwhlihu
Everything Truly Worth Doing Takes Longer Than You Expect
Mastery instead of Metrics
Sometime last week a friend called me to ask about starting a podcast. Many people in his life were encouraging that it was something he should do. He asked me for tactics, and I didn’t have any. But I gave him two simple, but hard to follow pieces of advice:

If you’re not going do it for at least a year, don’t bother. That’s how long it’s going to take to get just a little bit of traction.
Focus on mastery instead of metrics
Focusing on mastery instead of metrics means doing little things repeatedly. It means reviewing your work, being critical of it, and looking for ways to improve it. To this day, I still listen to every interview I publish multiple times. I’m not looking for what I did well. I’m looking for what I could have done better.


Leaning into the Dip
The Dip is one of Seth Godin’s shortest yet most insightful books. It’s about quitting. If you do anything for a long enough time, two things will happen.

You’ll wonder if you should quit
You’ll experience a dip
After what seemed like a rocket ride to the moon in 2013, the year that followed I had one of the worst years of my life. Financial losses, friendships ending, and one setback after another made me think that I should quit. Anything truly worth doing will have a dip and obstacles. Often people quit right before the inflection point. And inflection points usually occur right after the dip.

There are also plenty of times when it makes sense to quit. When I was in 7th grade, I had the genius idea of going out for the football team. I lived in Texas, so it was the thing to do. But as a skinny Indian, I made for little more than a fantastic tackling dummy. I would likely never be Tom Brady. My band director then gave me a choice: be an average athlete or an extraordinary musician. The following year I didn’t go out for football, and I made all-state band 3 of the 4 years I was in high school. It was worth quitting football.
srini-rao  mastery  success  work  don't-give-up  seth-godin  life-advice 
18 days ago by lwhlihu
"Happiness Is Just Like This"
There’s a wonderful, brief piece in Lion’s Roar about the following truth: “We may believe that it’s the quality of the sunset that gives us such pleasure, but in fact it is the quality of our own immersion in the sunset that brings the delight.”

If you feel a positive emotion, be mindful of it. Mindfulness, as my teacher Steve Armstrong taught, is remembering to recognize the present moment’s experience. To wit:  “If you’re in the mind-state of contentment and want it to continue, place your attention on the emotional sensations of contentment.”

Attend to where you’re feeling the emotion:

So the next time you have a positive emotion, see where that emotion is experienced in your body. Any positive experience will do. Say, you’re walking down the street and you see a small child do something that makes you smile. Put your attention on your smile and any emotion you experience for at least twenty seconds. 

Just stay with the positive emotion. You might say to yourself something like, “Happiness is just like this.” Don’t start thinking about why you’re not happy all the time, or fearing that the happiness will end, or any of the countless other ways we mess up our positive emotions.
mindfulness  happiness  life-advice 
19 days ago by lwhlihu
EMAIL - What you're getting wrong about motivation
(made me think of my fitness coaching biz)

Peak Motivation: This is the first phase of motivation. As you start on a goal, like say, fat loss you’re super motivated and your motivation sees a sharp rise along with your initial results. This is when you run out and sign up for a gym membership; drop £500 on all-new Lululemon gym wear; buy all the supplements; download the fancy-schmancy training program; and fill your fridge with all the #clean #organic #healthy foods imaginable.

A lot of, if not all of, this phase is fuelled by unrealistic expectations.

A few weeks of this, and you hit…

The Fall: This is the next phase of motivation. Your initial excitement about the goal is wearing off and your results are beginning to slow as the reality begins to set in, namely, holy smokes this is harder than you’d imagined. Common responses to this phase include, Dafuq? I’ve been eating #clean and training mean for 3 weeks now, where are my abs at, yo?

The Suck: And finally we hit the part of motivation that anyone who’s ever given up on a goal knows all too well–The Suck. This is where you’ve stopped making progress and no matter how hard you train; or how diligent you are with your nutrition, it all seems futile. In turn, this impacts your level of excitement for the goal and, well, why bother if you’re working hard and not seeing results?

But, see, this is the Motivation Trap. You’re being tested on how badly you want to achieve the goal.

As Seth Godin eloquently puts it, “Extraordinary benefits accrue to the tiny minority of people who are able to push just a tiny bit longer than most.”

And that’s the ‘secret’ of motivation those who seem to have buckets of it know that you don’t: Motivation will always be high at the start and then slowly dwindle as things get hard; and it’s exactly at this point, when it gets hard, that you need to buckle down and push through The Suck.

What can you do?
Firstly, understand that this is perfectly normal and, paradoxically, a sign that you’re making progress. If you’re trying to lose fat and your fat loss has stalled, this means you’ve lost weight and need to adjust your calories to take into account your new (lower) body weight. If your strength has stalled, this means you’ve gotten stronger and need to make adjustments to your training plan – increasing the weight you’re lifting, for example – to kick start progress again.
goals  life-advice  success 
20 days ago by lwhlihu
Today is the best day | Seth's Blog
Today is the best day
And now is the best time.

If you're doing something generous, if you're building something worthwhile, if you're making an important ruckus…

Do it today.

You don't need more time, you simply need to decide.
life-advice  start-now  seth-godin 
20 days ago by lwhlihu
EMAIL - why most people never change
My bullshit?

Not seeking help even though, deep down, I knew I needed it.

I was a trainer and while I looked 'jacked' with a shirt on–when that shirt came off I was completely out of shape. And it was a source of great anxiety and insecurity for me.

But I ignored it and kept telling myself, "Meh, I know what I'm doing, I don't need a damn coach."

I was wrong.

And it wasn't until I hired my first coach that I made a successful transformation.

Admitting my own ignorance was a painful realisation that I didn't know as much as I thought I did.

But looking back, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Change is hard for many reasons. But one of the reasons it’s hard is because when we decide to change, we're admitting that we're not as great as we thought we were.

But, as painful as that might be, it's also the most freeing thing you can do.

So, whatever your bullshit is–stare that motherfucker down and decide that enough is enough and you're not going to put up with it anymore.
how-to-change  life-advice  physiqonomics 
23 days ago by lwhlihu
EMAIL - When to stop buying books
Guys, beware of looking to the next best thing instead of doing the work. This can apply to other areas of life:

Buying more tools instead of learning how to use the ones you have
Buying cookbooks before you master basic dishes
Researching super advanced diets without mastering portion control or counting calories
ramit-sethi  life-advice  success 
24 days ago by lwhlihu

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