kink:humor   1084

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A is for Aardvark
Over in this month's underage post, there's a request for the filthiest fills for any pairing, with the requirement that they be short: just a paragraph, up to no more than one comment's worth of text. I'd like to suggest the same over here for the adult meme. Short, smutty and filthy - find freedom in the short form!
fandom:supernatural  pairing:sam/dean  kink:bdsm  kink:kink-negotiation  kink:safeword  kink:humor 
17 days ago by spnkink_meme
Nine Minutes Of Pleasure
A pregnant Dean is livid that the baby won't let him eat pie - the sight and smell of it makes him nauseated every single time.

Sam and Cas feel bad for him but also find it hilarious.
fandom:supernatural  pairing:sam/dean  kink:mpreg  kink:pregnant!dean  kink:humor 
5 weeks ago by spnkink_meme
Verstael researching Adagium
After freeing him of his chains Verstael eventually stumbles upon an amazing fact: the Adagium is far from human and can, in fact, get pregnant! And what's most interesting: he himself doesn't seem to know!

Will his offspring be demons?
Will he have an ordinary pregnancy or not?
And who or what does it actually take to fertilize him?

Well, curiosity is going to eat Verstael alive if he doesn't quench his thirst soon and so he goes for his most enjoyable experiment so far, because he doesn't know much about Adagium but one thing: he's going to put a baby in that!

+++Verstael makes it his goal to fuck Ardyn any and everytime he can. It's worth a try, eh?

++++Verstael actually succeeds!

+++++Ardyn doesn't know he's able to carry children and is surprised to find out he's getting rounder and why that is...

++++++I will love you forever if you can make this kinda humorous. Pregnancy shenanigans with the excentric Accursed!

For everything else please go wild and as smutty as you want, except: no gore and no a/b/o - the ability is unique to Ardyn.
!unfilled  character:verstael  character:ardyn  pairing:ardynxverstael  kink:pregnancy-sex  kink:pregnancy  kink:mpreg  kink:humor 
6 weeks ago by ffxvkinkmeme
Ardyn/bros, battle of the pet names
The chocobros decide they've had it with all the "dear boy" and "my good gentlemen" and "I've earned the right to call you Noct". So they start giving as good as they get. Every time Ardyn shows up to help or taunt or just to say "hi", they start referring to him by increasingly more ridiculous pet names. Maybe starting with "darling" and "doll" and working their way up to the likes of "honeybunch" and "sugarcube" and "my sweet Niflheim glacier" etc etc

+Gladio using cup-noodle related endearments
+++++One or more of the bros is genuinely attracted to Ardyn, and that starts slipping through in the names/compliments he uses
+++++++++++++++++++Ardyn is genuinely touched and beyond flattered by all of this, whether or not he shows it
++++++++++++++++++++xinfinity for a happy, OT5-flavored ending
!unfilled  character:noctis  character:prompto  character:ignis  character:ardyn  pairing:ardynxchocobros  pairing:ot5  pairing:ardynxnoctis  pairing:ardynxprompto  pairing:ardynxignis  pairing:ardynxgladio  kink:names  kink:humor 
april 2019 by ffxvkinkmeme
The Armiger smells like stale tortilla chips Noctis/Prompto(or Luna or both)
Because Noctis doesn't clean it.

Noctis lets Prompto/Luna hide in his armiger and they find literally all of the vegetables Noctis tried to hide and/or junk food Noctis thought he'd finish but ended up not.


Noctis tries to proposition one or both of them to have sex in the armiger but they can't get over the smell.

Whoever was in there goes back in with a load of cleaning products

If old vegetables are found then they try to make Noctis eat them. Tripe bonus if these vegetables are literally years old.
!unfilled  character:noctis  character:prompto  character:lunafreya  pairing:noctisxlunafreya  pairing:noctisxprompto  pairing:lunafreyaxnoctisxprompto  kink:other  kink:humor 
march 2019 by ffxvkinkmeme
Any/Any or Gen - Noctis lives... for now
Due to reasons (ep Ignis alt ending? other?), Noctis survives the Dawn. Everything seems to be going well, society's readjusting to sunlight and celebrating the lack of daemons. Noctis makes for a great king and everyone's happy.

Well. Almost.

It starts slowly, inexplicable accidents and the occasional idiot attempting to kill the king, it's not that far out of the ordinary, or even all that unexpected. Accidents happen, and idiots will be idiots.

Then it escalates and it slowly becomes clear that something is not happy with Noctis being alive after his prophesised death.

This can go either the humour route or the horror route, I'm personally fine with either. This was however partially inspired by a film called... I think it's called 'Final Destination'? Basically, a guy gets a vision, or death omen, and ends up saving a bunch of people who otherwise would have died. A couple of days later, they start dying anyway, gruesomely, in accidents. In the order they would have died originally. By the end of the film (SPOILER WARNING!) two of them manage to cheat death again by saving each other. It doesn't end the accidents/attempts on their lives, though.

This prompt doesn't pull completely from the film, since Noctis is the only one living when he shouldn't (unless you go with the ep Ignis alt ending and wanna pull Ravus in, which, well. I'm not opposed to that) and it starts slowly. I don't actually care whether or not Noctis survives in the end, though.
!unfilled  character:noctis  character:prompto  character:ignis  character:gladiolus  pairing:gen  pairing:anyxany  kink:assassination  kink:angst  kink:humor  kink:alternate_universe 
march 2019 by ffxvkinkmeme
Ardyn & Anyone; even Evil has standards
So, one of the Chocobros (or hell, someone else, for example Luna) is captured by Ardyn and expects all possible horrible things to happen to them. Literally all possible horrible things.

But it turns out that for Ardyn there actually are some lines that he is absolutely not willing to cross. And when he understands that his captive totally expects him to do that thing without blinking an eye, he suddenly finds himself in a rather awkward position. Sure, he does enjoy being a frightening creep with drama queen tendecies, but come on, "I may be two-thousand years Scourge-carrying Accursed, but this? This is just insulting. Do I really give that impression?". Angst, and backpedalling, and maybe even awkward attempt in reassurance issue.

While I would love to read something serious on this, humor or even crack are also very welcomed. Go wild! :)
!unfilled  character:ardyn  character:any  pairing:ardynxany  pairing:gen  kink:humor  kink:crack  kink:angst  kink:awkward 
march 2019 by ffxvkinkmeme
Crack/Humor, The Chocobros do not cope well whenever Noct disappears to another dimension
It always kills me to imagine them being like this (taken from @brosura's tumblr post) whenever Noct goes to Dissidia / disappears for a crossover quest:

prompto, crying: oh my god we lost the entire prince

Just something on how the Chocobros would react, or maybe if they ever get used to it. Bonus if any of those lines could be included XD
!unfilled  character:noctis  character:prompto  character:ignis  character:gladiolus  pairing:gen  kink:crack  kink:humor  kink:funny  kink:disappear 
february 2019 by ffxvkinkmeme
f!Lavellan/Solas, Double Trouble, 4/?
Solas is NOT Fen’Harel. He’s actually the Dread Wolf’s super nerd identical twin. They’ve been switching places off and on the whole time. In fact, they've shared the same identity in public since before the rise of the Evanuris.
AO3 link:
prompt:filled  fanfic:unfinished  dragon_age:inquisition  character:lavellan  character:solas  character:fen'harel  relationship:het  pairing:f!lavellan_solas  pairing:f!inquisitor_solas  kink:rough_sex  kink:double_penetration  kink:threesome  kink:humor 
december 2018 by dragonage_kink
Backstrom/Ovechkin; oblivious team
So Nicky and Alex have been dating for some time (a year? more? a lot more?) but no one believes it, and chalks it all up to the normal bro-love locker room things and the fact that they've been teammates for so long. And it's a running joke in the locker room about how close Nicky and Alex are, while the two of them are in disbelief like seriously no really we're together.

Alex is like no really, I love him. And the team laughs like hahah we know you love your Backy yep.

Just. Lots of dumb hockey boys wearing blinders.

+10000 if they finally just resort to getting caught fucking (and/or Nicky trolling everyone with that bc that man is a GRADE A TROLL)
Complete  Pairing:Nicklas_Backstrom/Alexander_Ovechkin  Kink:Established_relationship  Kink:Coming_out  Kink:Humor  Link_to_Fill  Rating:Teen_and_Up 
november 2018 by sinbinmod
Ardyn is impotent
Ok ok here me out. Ardyn's anger isn't just from him being a piñata full of evil. It's mostly because he's unfortunately had the worst case of blue balls on this side of eos. Not able to even get a little hand job, hasn't been hard since the daemons wiggled in.

Just make Ardyn suffer from the fact that he is doomed to never get a hard on again. Humor is better than angst.
!unfilled  character:ardyn  kink:impotence  kink:humor 
july 2018 by ffxvkinkmeme
Ignis/Any, crack: Ignis can't use the grappling hook properly
ok. Ok. Episode Ignis, but with a twist: I. Could not. Use. That damn. Grappling hook. Ignis just kept faceplanting into the water while I screeched softly because I thought the game was timed and Noct would die if I didn't get to the altar fast enough. Ignis became very well acquainted with the canals.

So give me a happy ending AU where Ignis is like "haha yes so I used this to climb buildings" and someone asks him to demonstrate.

Chaos reigns.
!unfilled  character:ignis  character:any  pairing:gen  kink:crack  kink:humor 
july 2018 by ffxvkinkmeme
Ignoct or Any - Doormat
In fics I always see people telling Ignis "Don't let Noct treat you like a doormat." or "Don't let him walk all over you."

Gimmie something, crack or serious, where Ignis actually lays down and is a doormat and kinda loves it. Can be Noct or anyone tbh.
!unfilled  character:noctis  character:ignis  pairing:ignisxnoctis  kink:other  kink:humor  kink:humiliation 
july 2018 by ffxvkinkmeme
Noct gets hit with a truth spell
Or truth pollen. Whatever.

Point is, something happens to Noct and now he can only speak the truth. Or what he perceives to be the truth.

Starts off humorous and then turns angsty, because he internalizes a lot of his doubts and fears, but now the brain to mouth filter has been removed and all it takes is one seemingly harmless question for the floodgates to open.
!unfilled  character:noctis  pairing:gen  kink:truth-serum  kink:angst  kink:humor 
july 2018 by ffxvkinkmeme
Gen, humour - Coming up with nicknames for each other
Noct already has lots of nicknames for the guys canonically, but I'd love to read something humorous about the guys coming up with nicknames for each other around the campfire or maybe in the tent on a rainy night when they're bored.

- No truly mean-spirited nicknames please (joking around is fine. Keep it lighthearted and fun!)

- No mention of "Gladdy" or "Prom" (or if you must mention them, have Gladio say only Iris gets to call him that, and have Prompto hate being called Prom)
!unfilled  character:noctis  character:prompto  character:ignis  character:gladiolus  pairing:gen  kink:fun  kink:humor 
july 2018 by ffxvkinkmeme
Gen/any, Gladio writes erotic fiction
Gladio reads the Insomnian version of Fifty Shades to see just how terrible it is and declares he can absolutely do better. Someone challenges him to try, and this is how Gladio ends up writing his own erotic BDSM adventure.

+ doing first-hand research
+ his novel has a lady dom
+ getting one of the guys to beta-read
++++ publishing it under a pseudonym
!unfilled  character:gladiolus  character:any  pairing:gladioxany  kink:humor  kink:meta 
june 2018 by ffxvkinkmeme
Gladio+Ignis, handcuffed to the bed
One of them has a one-night-stand gone wrong (not like, non-con, but maybe the other person got huffy and left) and is left handcuffed/tied to the bed. After trying unsuccessfully to get out of it, they reluctantly end up calling the other (via voice command, I guess?) to get them out of it -- which the other does, but not before laughing at them about it.

+ no preference who's in which role; you can even do it both ways if you'd like
+ not a specifically Gladnis prompt but if you want to make it shippy go for it
!unfilled  character:ignis  character:gladiolus  pairing:gen  kink:handcuffs  kink:humor  kink:accidental-voyurism 
june 2018 by ffxvkinkmeme
Crack, Ardyn/Noctis, deus sex machina
I swear I wasn't browsing tvtropes when I came up with this! Okay maybe I was, don't judge me

A cracky fix-it where Noctis just fucks the daemons out of Ardyn. Noct can be top or bottom and it goes either way:

He's top and pulls the classic "literally fucks the daemons out of Ardyn"

He's bottom and takes in Ardyn's "daemon juices" through his cum, purifying him that way (Noct is not daemonified because he purifies everything)

This does not have to be taken seriously. They can all totally point out how ridiculous this is.
!unfilled  character:noctis  character:ardyn  pairing:ardynxnoctis  kink:demons  kink:magic-sex  kink:humor  kink:other 
june 2018 by ffxvkinkmeme

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