kink:crack   1552

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UNFILLED: Miranda's amazing 3d printing womb
As we know, Miranda appears to be infertile. It turns out it's not that her genetics have degraded, but that her womb was somehow specially designed to make *objects* instead of anything living. All it took was someone giving her the correct command, and suddenly her womb is making and birthing whatever they want (within reason; has to be able to exit her birth canal, can't cause irreparable damage on way out).
mass_effect:trilogy  prompt:unfilled  character:Miranda  kink:infertility  genre:no_sex/romance  genre:humor  kink:crack 
april 2019 by masseffectkink
Ignis/Noctis, Ardyn harassing Ignis while they fuck (CRACK)
Inspired by the previous prompt, because I spent like 20 seconds not realizing that anon probably meant "Ardyn inappropriately and unwantedly coming onto Ignis to spite Noctis"—

Ignis and Noctis are getting it on. Ardyn pops up somewhere uncomfortably close (like, 5-7 feet away) and starts harassing Ignis. About his sexual performance? Sure, sure, but what about his prissy cooking skills? His utter lack of a life outside of Noctis? His terrible fashion sense? Ignis, my boy, you need at least three more patterns to go with those pinstripes to make them even remotely acceptable...

They ignore him and keep fucking until Ignis snaps and starts railing Noctis into the ground while returning verbal fire.

(It's the best sex the couple have had in ages. Neither of them know what to think about that.)

DNW: A lot of context. Ardyn actually getting in on the action. Bottom!Ignis. (Switch is fine as long as he's on top when he snaps lol.)
!unfilled  character:noctis  character:ignis  character:ardyn  pairing:ignisxnoctis  kink:harassment  kink:crack 
march 2019 by ffxvkinkmeme
Ardyn & Anyone; even Evil has standards
So, one of the Chocobros (or hell, someone else, for example Luna) is captured by Ardyn and expects all possible horrible things to happen to them. Literally all possible horrible things.

But it turns out that for Ardyn there actually are some lines that he is absolutely not willing to cross. And when he understands that his captive totally expects him to do that thing without blinking an eye, he suddenly finds himself in a rather awkward position. Sure, he does enjoy being a frightening creep with drama queen tendecies, but come on, "I may be two-thousand years Scourge-carrying Accursed, but this? This is just insulting. Do I really give that impression?". Angst, and backpedalling, and maybe even awkward attempt in reassurance issue.

While I would love to read something serious on this, humor or even crack are also very welcomed. Go wild! :)
!unfilled  character:ardyn  character:any  pairing:ardynxany  pairing:gen  kink:humor  kink:crack  kink:angst  kink:awkward 
march 2019 by ffxvkinkmeme
Gen or Ardyn/Prompto, Prompto hugs the daemons out of Ardyn (crack?)
I can't be the only one who thinks Ardyn looks kinda huggable. I blame all the layers and his messy hair. Makes him look soft, like a big fuzzy bear (lul). So yeah... Let's just say Prompto came to same conclusion. Others can join in if A!A likes.

+++++ It's actually working. Whether unintentional or not (a.k.a bros might not be aware of the daemons).

DNW: non-con
!unfilled  character:prompto  character:ardyn  pairing:gen  pairing:ardynxprompto  kink:daemon  kink:crack  kink:hug 
february 2019 by ffxvkinkmeme
Possible crack; Ardyn is too old for this shite
He's seen and done just about everything to/with/for everyone; now if it's not too much to ask, he'd just like to retire somewhere quiet, and, hell, raise some organic carrots or something.

The Gods are having none of it. He has a part to play, Themdammit, and they're going to do whatever is necessary to see to it that he fulfills his role. Enjoying a drink at the Quay? Oh look, it's that brat prince destined to kill you! Trying to work in his office? The soothing background radio keeps getting cut into with broadcasts about the young Oracle or chatter from frantic soldiers calling for backup at the Kingshield mows them down. Enjoying the view in Lestallum? Here's the royal rodents again! Ever noticed how the chirpy blonde looks *so* much like that handsome General you were so fond of in days gone by?

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Eventually, Ardyn's legendarily-long patience wears away. It seems the fates are bound and determined to make a monster of him. What can he do but give in?
!unfilled  character:ardyn  pairing:gen  kink:crack  kink:old-age 
february 2019 by ffxvkinkmeme
Crack/Humor, The Chocobros do not cope well whenever Noct disappears to another dimension
It always kills me to imagine them being like this (taken from @brosura's tumblr post) whenever Noct goes to Dissidia / disappears for a crossover quest:

prompto, crying: oh my god we lost the entire prince

Just something on how the Chocobros would react, or maybe if they ever get used to it. Bonus if any of those lines could be included XD
!unfilled  character:noctis  character:prompto  character:ignis  character:gladiolus  pairing:gen  kink:crack  kink:humor  kink:funny  kink:disappear 
february 2019 by ffxvkinkmeme
Ardyn hates people but loves animals, transformed-to-animal!Any has a peculiar day
Any gets transformed to animal (cat/frog/bird/... bat... whatever) because of some magical shenanigans. They somehow manage to run into Ardyn and just when they think their luck can't get any worse... this bag of daemons suddenly transforms to a giddy mother-hen. It's kinda horrifying really.

++++ Any is injured or otherwise seemingly troubled (like species in a place they shouldn't be like a frog nowhere near water) and Ardyn goes into absolutely ridiculous lengths to ensure their well-being.

Sorry. I just want some cracky fluff.
!filled  !complete  character:noctis  character:prompto  character:ardyn  character:ignis  character:gladiolus  pairing:gen  kink:animal-transformation  kink:crack  kink:fluff 
january 2019 by ffxvkinkmeme
Chocobros, getting dressed in the dark crack
After a wild night, Regis, Clarus, Cor, and Drautos call all four of the bro’s requesting their immediate presence in the throne room for a very urgent time sensitive matter. Whatever that matter was, it is completely forgotten when al four of them race into the room wearing eachother’s very ill fitting clothes.
+Someone Gladio’s shirt like a dress while his pants nearly fall off of someone else.
+ Ignis’s personally tailored shirt hugging someone in all the hilariously wrong ways while his pants don’t go all the way up someone else’s hips (because apparently ignis has very narrow hips)
+ Noctis’s shirt becoming a belly shirt and his pants coming too far up someone’s ankles
+ Prompto’s shirt has writing on it that is hilariously appropriate for the moment, and his pants are missing, leaving someone only his boxers for someone to jump into.

Of course, those are only suggestions! If you can think of something funnyer, please, write it!
!unfilled  character:noctis  character:prompto  character:ignis  character:gladiolus  character:regis  character:cor  character:clarus  character:drautos  pairing:gen  kink:clothing  kink:dressing  kink:crack 
january 2019 by ffxvkinkmeme
Ignis/Noctis or Ignis/Regis - king's right to first night with a twist
Pure crack, I apologise for nothing!

Ignis doesn't want his first time to be with the husband his family arranged for him but it might cause a big scandal, if it got out somehow that he lost his virginity to someone else.

Unless, of course, Ignis didn't really have a choice in the matter.

So he asks Noct or Regis to invoke their right of the first night and have sex him on his wedding night.
!unfilled  character:noctis  character:ignis  character:regis  pairing:ignisxnoctis  pairing:ignisxregis  kink:crack  kink:first-time 
december 2018 by ffxvkinkmeme
Gen or Crack, Verstael explaining Ardyn the wonders of modern technology
Ardyn: "Verstael?"
Verstael: "Yes?"
Ardyn: "What the bloody hell is a may-may?"
Verstael: *exasperated sigh*

(You know you want this.)
!unfilled  character:ardyn  character:verstael  pairing:gen  kink:crack  kink:modern_technology 
december 2018 by ffxvkinkmeme
UNFILLED: Inquisitor was Arrested (Crack fic?)
So I'm currently replaying Dragon Age Inquisition and at the beginning, people kept asking for her arrest.

So...what if the Inquisitor - who doesn't want to be the 'Herald of Andraste' gives themselves over to be arrested at the beginning? Much to Cassandra's horror - of course.

Maybe they don't care about the Chantry, maybe they don't believe in the Maker, maybe they just simply don't want to be a Hero or they are fed up to their back teeth over being called the HOA that they pretty much beg to be arrested.

The Chantry accepts it and jail them. Then trouble comes knocking on everyone's door regarding Corpheyus wanting his Anchor back and he willing to do anything for it.

So everyone scrambles for the HOA to come back.

Problem is...the HOA had made a stipulation, a condition for their release. They must be either charged or pardoned by the new Divine. And the Chantry still hasn't elected one.

Do they do a mass scramble for the Divine? Do they beg the HOA to come out? Up to you who you want to be Divine.

Any Inquisitor is fine with me (I would find it hilarious if it was a noble who is pretty much doing it to flip their family off too)
prompt:unfilled  dragon_age:inquisition  character:gen_female_inquisitor  character:gen_male_inquisitor  kink:crack 
december 2018 by dragonage_kink
Crack; the Astrals took Noct's beard
I refuse to believe he wanted to shave that off.

So to yank his chain one last time, the Astrals made sure Noctis woke up clean shaven after he died. He's disappointed, to say the least.
!unfilled  character:noctis  character:astrals  pairing:gen  kink:beard  kink:crack  kink:facial-hair 
december 2018 by ffxvkinkmeme
MINIFILL: Animated, 1/1
“Hawke.” Varric said slowly, “Are you talking to your staff?”
prompt:filled  dragon_age:2  character:gen_party_members  kink:crack  fanfic:finished 
december 2018 by dragonage_kink
top!f!Hawke, She's Above the Rest, 1/1
AU where the reason that all the companions want Hawke so bad is that Hawke is the only top in the entire goddamn friend group.
dragon_age:2  prompt:filled  character:hawke_female  character:gen_party_members  kink:crack  fanfic:finished 
december 2018 by dragonage_kink
Gen or Prompto/Any, MT programming crack
I love all kinds of MT!Prompto body horror, but I'd like to see a more humorous take on his modifications. Imagine the MTs run on a shitty Eos version of Windows and it starts going haywire the longer Prompto lives as a proper human, because it's simply not built to handle that. Stuff like freezing on the spot when he tries to do too many things too quickly. Random error alert sounds as he trips up or drops something. Getting stuck on a thought/action because he can't exit the process. Weird distracting calculations etc. starting up in the background when they're absolutely not needed at the moment. Basically any brainfarts of faulty programming you can come up with!

+ (for the ship route) bonus points if it interferes with his flirting attempts
++++++ if he completely bluescreens in response to physical affection
!unfilled  character:prompto  character:any  pairing:gen  pairing:promptoxany  kink:mt-prompto  kink:crack 
december 2018 by ffxvkinkmeme
UNFILLED: Shakarian seahorse AU featuring MPreg!Garrus
In which turian women have ovipositors and turian men have wombs.

How does Shakarian work when they both feel like strapping on is role reversal?

Also please give me pregnant Garrus.
mass_effect:trilogy  prompt:unfilled  character:Shepard_female  character:Garrus  Pairing:F!Shepard_Garrus  relationship:het  genre:AU  kink:crack  kink:mpreg  kink:pregnancy 
december 2018 by masseffectkink
Gen, Dysfunction Junction (CRACK)
...A.K.A. group therapy! :D

I saw a tumblr post recently that basically went "killing the depressed guy is shitty and he should have gotten HELP!" re: Ardyn, and while I think that after 2000 years of depression, death was the kindest thing that could have happened to him, it got me thinking.

Pretty much everyone in the FFXV universe got fucked over. Badly.

Ergo, group therapy.

Ardyn "my brother/the gods betrayed me and now I've had to wait 2000 years for my brother's hundred-something-th descendant to finally come and fucking kill me already" Izunia
Noctis "people I love keep dying and now I gotta die too" Lucis Caelum
Gladliolus "I was literally conceived to be a meat shield for a doomed king" Amiticia
Prompto "so actually I'm a prototype clone for the magitek army" Argentum
Ignis "how do I do the 'blind' thing" Scientia
Lunafreya "my parents are dead, I'm a prisoner of the empire, and I'm destined to help kill one of my closest friends for the good of the world" Nox Fleuret
Ravus "my parents are dead, my sister devoted her life to my worst enemy, and I just lost an arm" Nox Fleuret
Cor "I have outlived every generation of friends I ever had" Leonis (Cid, in the distance: Quit tellin' people I'm dead!)

Aaand whoever else you can stuff in there. :D

+ The group therapist in charge is Aranea "quit mopin', keep hopin'" > "y'all are Fucked Up" Highwind.
+ they do arts and crafts and guided meditation to talk about their feelings
+ actual good real life advice gets passed around
+ there was supposed to be a kids/teens group but literally the only two youngsters left standing are Talcott and Iris so their group just got annexed into the adult group.
+ Iedolas is there for manic delusions
+ Drautos is there but no one knows why
+ Regis' ghost pops by every so often to dispense wisdom

DNW: ships
!unfilled  character:noctis  character:gladiolus  character:ardyn  character:prompto  character:ignis  character:lunafreya  character:ravus  character:cor  character:regis  character:aranea  pairing:gen  kink:therapy  kink:depression  kink:crack 
october 2018 by ffxvkinkmeme
CRACK, Noctis challenges Ardyn to a dance-off
Becaiuse that's where my brain went someone mentioned Gaurdians of the Galaxy on the meme.
!unfilled  character:noctis  character:ardyn  pairing:ardynxnoctis  kink:dancing  kink:crack 
september 2018 by ffxvkinkmeme

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