idealization   34

The Book of Life -- The Capacity to Give up on People
'... #‘Maybe the problem is that I am bad…’ The difficulties can’t be disputed but their origins are up for grabs and here the child shows a tragically intense degree of imagination. Yes, there is badness around, but that must be because they, the child, are ultimately somehow to blame. If only they could be different, the adult wouldn’t be so tricky. There is one thought that must be warded off above all others: that the adult might just be a mean and self-serving mediocrity. That is simply not possible. Better to be a monster or wretch oneself than to have ended up in the hands of a parent unworthy of respect. -- #‘No one and nothing else could be better.’ Children have no options. They can’t run away, begin again or say they’ve had enough. The world isn’t broad. The best of childhoods is an open prison. Therefore, children don’t even picture themselves in other circumstances. What is has to be. Those who have most to complain about don’t even raise their voice. -- Frighteningly, each of these positions has its adult equivalent. In certain unfulfilling relationships, we may have as much of a skill as the most unfortunate child (probably the child we once were) at the art of justifying why we are here, why we are to blame, why they are innocent and why we cannot move. -- It is we in particular, those remorselessly skilled at not giving up, who need to hear a curious-sounding lesson in being a little less loyal. We need to hear that, surprisingly, some people just don’t change: that their characters have been bolted shut through trauma and there is no chance that they will ever – whatever they may say and however intensely they promise – display any evolution. We need to hear that surprisingly, some people aren’t entirely good and we aren’t necessarily the problem. We need to learn to blame and get annoyed with someone other than ourselves. We need to do something very strange: walk away. This is no sign of cowardice or weakness of character. It’s a sign that we have (finally) learnt to love ourselves and so place our needs where these should always have been: at the center of our considerations.'
psychology  relationships  attachment  childhood  defencemechanisms  idealization  devaluation  humility  ostracism 
4 days ago by adamcrowe
YouTube -- The School of Life: How To Get Over A Crush
'Part of the reason it's so hard to get over a crush is because we have no idea who our beloved really is: we idealise them because we have such a basic idea of who they really are. The best cure for love is therefore simple in structure: get to know them better…' -- Pleasure disappoints, possibility never. ~ Soren Kierkegaard
psychology  relationships  idealization  awe  Kierkegaard 
march 2019 by adamcrowe
Idealization and the Aims of Science, Potochnik
"Science is the study of our world, as it is in its messy reality. Nonetheless, science requires idealization to function—if we are to attempt to understand the world, we have to find ways to reduce its complexity.
"Idealization and the Aims of Science shows just how crucial idealization is to science and why it matters. Beginning with the acknowledgment of our status as limited human agents trying to make sense of an exceedingly complex world, Angela Potochnik moves on to explain how science aims to depict and make use of causal patterns—a project that makes essential use of idealization. She offers case studies from a number of branches of science to demonstrate the ubiquity of idealization, shows how causal patterns are used to develop scientific explanations, and describes how the necessarily imperfect connection between science and truth leads to researchers’ values influencing their findings. The resulting book is a tour de force, a synthesis of the study of idealization that also offers countless new insights and avenues for future exploration."
in_NB  books:noted  philosophy_of_science  idealization 
january 2018 by cshalizi
[1703.09452] SEGAN: Speech Enhancement Generative Adversarial Network
Current speech enhancement techniques operate on the spectral domain and/or exploit some higher-level feature. The majority of them tackle a limited number of noise conditions and rely on first-order statistics. To circumvent these issues, deep networks are being increasingly used, thanks to their ability to learn complex functions from large example sets. In this work, we propose the use of generative adversarial networks for speech enhancement. In contrast to current techniques, we operate at the waveform level, training the model end-to-end, and incorporate 28 speakers and 40 different noise conditions into the same model, such that model parameters are shared across them. We evaluate the proposed model using an independent, unseen test set with two speakers and 20 alternative noise conditions. The enhanced samples confirm the viability of the proposed model, and both objective and subjective evaluations confirm the effectiveness of it. With that, we open the exploration of generative architectures for speech enhancement, which may progressively incorporate further speech-centric design choices to improve their performance.
signal-processing  neural-networks  to-understand  generative-models  machine-learning  rather-interesting  idealization  performance-measure 
september 2017 by Vaguery
As If — Kwame Anthony Appiah | Harvard University Press
"Idealization is a fundamental feature of human thought. We build simplified models in our scientific research and utopias in our political imaginations. Concepts like belief, desire, reason, and justice are bound up with idealizations and ideals. Life is a constant adjustment between the models we make and the realities we encounter. In idealizing, we proceed “as if” our representations were true, while knowing they are not. This is not a dangerous or distracting occupation, Kwame Anthony Appiah shows. Our best chance of understanding nature, society, and ourselves is to open our minds to a plurality of imperfect depictions that together allow us to manage and interpret our world.
"The philosopher Hans Vaihinger first delineated the “as if” impulse at the turn of the twentieth century, drawing on Kant, who argued that rational agency required us to act as if we were free. Appiah extends this strategy to examples across philosophy and the human and natural sciences. In a broad range of activities, we have some notion of the truth yet continue with theories that we recognize are, strictly speaking, false. From this vantage point, Appiah demonstrates that a picture one knows to be unreal can be a vehicle for accessing reality.
"As If explores how strategic untruth plays a critical role in far-flung areas of inquiry: decision theory, psychology, natural science, and political philosophy. A polymath who writes with mainstream clarity, Appiah defends the centrality of the imagination not just in the arts but in science, morality, and everyday life."
in_NB  books:noted  philosophy  epistemology  philosophy_of_science  approximation  modeling  idealization 
september 2017 by cshalizi
The Book of Life -- The Wisdom of Romantic Compromise
'We reserve some of our deepest scorn for couples who stay together out of compromise; those who are making a show of unanimity, but whom we know are, deep down, not fully happy. Maybe they’re primarily together because of the children; maybe they’re sticking around because they’re scared of being lonely or maybe they’re just worried that anyone else they found wouldn’t be much better. -- These seem like disgraceful motives to be with anyone – disgraceful on account of a background belief that circulates powerfully through the collective modern psyche: the idea that anyone who puts their mind and will sufficiently to it doesn’t have to compromise in love; that there are pain-free, profoundly fulfilling options available for all of us – and the only things that could stand in the way of discovering them would be laziness and cowardice, flaws of character that deserve no particular sympathy or forgiveness. Our high romantic expectations have made us notably impatient around, and censorious about, those who can’t attain them. -- But imagine if we were to tweak the premise of the argument a little and for a moment probe at the notion that there really might be a pain-free and entirely fulfilling option available for all of us at all times. What if our choices were, in many contexts, in fact often rather more limited than Romanticism proposes? Maybe there aren’t as many admirable unattached people in our vicinity as there might be. Maybe we lack the charm, the personality, the career, the confidence or the looks ever to attract the ones that do exist. Maybe time is running out. Or maybe our children really would take it extremely badly if we dynamited the family for the sake of better sex and greater cheer elsewhere. -- But imagine if we were to tweak the premise of the argument a little and for a moment probe at the notion that there really might be a pain-free and entirely fulfilling option available for all of us at all times. What if our choices were, in many contexts, in fact often rather more limited than Romanticism proposes? Maybe there aren’t as many admirable unattached people in our vicinity as there might be. Maybe we lack the charm, the personality, the career, the confidence or the looks ever to attract the ones that do exist. Maybe time is running out. Or maybe our children really would take it extremely badly if we dynamited the family for the sake of better sex and greater cheer elsewhere. -- At the same time, maybe the current situation – while clearly a compromise – is not without its virtues. A partner may be only half-right, quite often maddening and properly disappointing in certain areas, but – humblingly – still more satisfying than being alone. Having children to bring up together may be worth it even with a co-parent about whom one has a long, only semi-private list of reservations. A few cuddles and occasional moments of cosiness may retain a small but decisive edge over conclusive abandonment interspersed with humiliating dates. -- The capacity to compromise is not always the weakness it is described as being. It can involve a mature, realistic admission that there may – in certain situations – simply be no ideal options. And, conversely, an inability to compromise does not always have to be the courageous and visionary position it is held to be by our impatient and perfectionist ideology: it may just be a slightly rigid, proud and cruel delusion. -- Mocking people who compromise is – of course – emotionally very handy. It localises a problem that it’s normal to want to disavow. It pins to a few scapegoat couples what we are all terrified of: that a degree of sadness may just be an intrinsic, unavoidable part of our love lives. -- Wiser societies would be careful never to stigmatise the act of compromise. It is painful enough to have to compromise; it is even more painful to have to hate oneself for having done so. We should rehabilitate and occasionally honour the ability to put up with a flawed fellow human being, to nurse our sadness without falling into rage or despair, to reconcile ourselves to our damaged appearance and character and to accept that there may be no better way for us to live but partly in pain and longing, given who we are and what the world can provide. Couples who compromise may in reality not be the enemies of love: they may be at the vanguard of understanding what lasting relationships truly demand.'
philosophy  psychology  relationships  marriage  idealization  devaluation  narcissism  perfectionism  delusion  humility  * 
february 2017 by adamcrowe
YouTube -- [Alain de Botton]: Why We Go Off People Who Like Us
'Though we long for certain people to like us, an odd thing can happen once they do. What is the origin of our strange coolness towards those who show enthusiasm for us?'
psychology  shame  idealization  devaluation  defencemechanisms 
october 2016 by adamcrowe
A Curious Case of Writer's Block - The New York Times
I looked at Paul. He sat motionless, his eyes filling with tears, eagerly drinking in all that I said, obviously thirsting for yet more. Finally, finally, we had had an encounter. Finally, I had given him something. I could bear witness to an event of extraordinary importance to Paul. I could testify that a great man deemed Paul to be significant. He needed a witness, someone of stature, and I had been selected to fill that role. Yes, I had no doubt of this. Now to convey some of these thoughts that would be of value to Paul. ΓÇ£What struck me most strongly about your correspondence,ΓÇ¥ I said, ΓÇ£was the intensity and the tenderness of the bond between you and Professor Mueller. It struck me as a deep love. His death must have been terrible for you. I wonder if that painful loss still lingers and that is the reason you desired a consultation. What do you think?ΓÇ¥ Paul did not answer. Instead he held out his hand for the manuscript, and I returned it to him. He opened his briefcase,
academics  psychotherapy  psychoanalysis  Nietzsche  philosophy  education  teacher-student-bond  idealization  Delicious 
february 2016 by StJohnBosco
After Psychotherapy -- Intolerance and Conformity
Comment: Joseph Burgo: 'Yes, I often feel idealized by readers and it makes me uncomfortable, largely because I know what is on “the flip side” of idealization — i.e, the kind of hostility these posts have provoked.'
psychology  idealization  devaluation  transference 
january 2014 by adamcrowe
FDR 2432 Sunday Call In Show July 14 2013 (MP3)
Stefan Molyneux, host of Freedomain Radio, discusses a parents duty to protect, the foundation of society, credibility when giving advice, pollution, reason vs. economic interest and idolizing a narcissist. At over three hours, this is the longest Sunday Show of all time!

00:00:00 Introduction: George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin
00:06:35 Duty to Protect: Can parents change? Parental responsibility to protect children
00:48:40 Changing Course: Insecure attachments are the foundations of broken societies
01:27:30 Nothing Left: Achieving individuation via starting your own business
01:57:20 More Pollution
02:09:00 Reason vs Economics
02:24:15 Idealizing a Narcissist
dreams  parents  fathers  abuse  relationships  attachment  entrepreneurship  pollution  economics  self-knowledge  psychology  narcissism  idealization  devaluation  defencemechanisms  intellectualization  emotions  conversation  timecoded  call-in-show 
july 2013 by fdrpodcasts
After Psychotherapy -- Why Sex Matters
' relationships where sex eventually breaks down, it’s because the partners ultimately aren’t able to face their own shame, damage or limitations. The excitement of early sexual passion — the feeling that we’re part of a unique and amazing couple, mutually idealizing one another — serves as a powerful defense against underlying shame, but it eventually fades as the relationship becomes more real. We come to see one another more clearly and honestly. On an unconscious level, many of us then experience a return of the shame we escaped through idealized sex. The exciting sexual arena is no longer a haven from shame but a place where we may experience it even more intensely. Projecting unbearable shame into our partners also makes them unattractive, another obstacle to ongoing sex. Eventually, our defenses against intolerable shame kill off desire and our sex life dies. -- By contrast, successful long-term partners manage to keep their particular sexual lives vital, with all their quirks and imperfections. One of my middle-aged clients and her husband have a day each week when they generally try to have sex. Her hair is entirely gray, he’s overweight and has back issues; there are other physical complications, but more often than not, they manage to have satisfying contact that brings them closer. It helps defuse the kind of shame-trading that too often comes to characterize many unhappy marriages. You can often tell the difference between couples who have a satisfying sex life after many years and those who don’t: do they still feel proud of one another, or do they undermine each other in subtle ways, exposing them to criticism and ridicule?'
psychology  relationships  shame  sexuality  idealization  devaluation 
march 2013 by adamcrowe
After Psychotherapy -- On the Receiving End of Borderline Rage
'I’ve had enough experience with idealization to know that, if I’m on the pedestal now, I’ll eventually end up on the trash heap. -- I’ve been screamed and sworn at. I’ve been called names, told I had no idea what the f**k I was doing and treated with utter scorn. I’ve had clients slam out the door and never come back, or subsequently leave hate-filled messages on my voice mail. Each time, it’s a deeply painful, toxic experience for me. It takes me hours to recover, sometimes even days, and during this time, I’m reviewing my work in an attempt to regain the feeling that it has value. -- Burdened with unbearable shame, these clients evacuated all their pain, the feelings of unworthiness into me, as if I were a toilet, and fled therapy in order to escape their pain. Borderline clients in flight want to make their therapists feel shitty, though not consciously. The rage they express as they lash out is meant to fill the other person with all the unbearable shame, the sense of inner defect, to evacuate it all and then to run. I believe the evacuation of shame is a regular feature in borderline rage, which makes it very difficult to bear for anyone on the receiving end. It’s hard enough to be the object of someone’s rage, even harder when the massive projection of shame and unworthiness goes along with it.'
psychology  idealization  devaluation  poisoncontainer  shame  scapegoating 
february 2013 by adamcrowe
This Ain’t Montessori’: (Mis-)Appropriating Pre-K Education at DML 2012
"Taking Antero’s lead, I’d like to use this space to problematize not just JSB’s presentation of the role of Montessori in universally “cultivating the entrepreneurial learner,” but also to specifically call attention to the absence of early childhood educators and scholars in the DML space, and why it should matter to all of us.

JSB argued that through the lens of Montessori’s philosophy, today’s digital technologies hold unparalleled possibilities as “curiosity amplifiers.” Montessori teaching values tacit learning, or the development of key practices, habits, and “know-how” that can only be learned through personal experimentation. However true, Montessori is NOT the only model of early childhood education that values embodied play and learning. While the guys at Google might have grown up and thrived going to schools inspired by the pre-WWII teachings of Maria Montessori, how about inviting to the metaphorical sandbox another Italian pioneer of early childhood education…"

[via: ]
curiosity  idealization  mariamontessori  dml2012  learning  education  earlychildhood  ece  reggioemilia  montessori  2012  merylalper  anterogarcia  from delicious
july 2012 by robertogreco
The American Crawl : Lunchtime Intellectuals and Backseat Driving in Education
"All too often, we tend to try to simplify the really (really) complex challenges that teachers are in. At the DML conference last week, I took issue with John Seely Brown’s keynote talk that tended to idealize the Montessori school system. Meryl Alper helps complicate this as well as point to an early-education blind spot in the DML community. This stuff is much more complicated than can be covered in an 18 minute ohhs-and-ahhs-filled video. This stuff is about our future and it’s about the youth in our schools and it–thus–deserves for us to try untangling it as a complicated mess.

It’s not that TED-Ed is a bad idea. I’m more concerned with the continued trend of non-educators being able to get high profile coverage for creating faux quick-fix solutions (or worse: another community to work on solutions) for deep-rooted inequity that’s been decades in the works."
2012  complexity  inequity  silverbullets  quick-fixes  non-educators  idealization  messiness  montessori  johnseelybrown  learning  education  ted  anterogarcia  from delicious
july 2012 by robertogreco
FDR 1495 Projecting Virtue (MP3)
Why we give up our greatest treasures to power-mad strangers.
philosophy  virtue  projection  idealization  politics  hypocrisy  hate 
july 2012 by fdrpodcasts

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